i am dying without you

I’m tired of writing about you
and I’m tired of crying about you
and I’m tired of staying up all night thinking about you.

I am tired of wondering why you left
and im also tired of wondering what you are doing

mostly because

I know you were tired of me.
but I also know
that you loved me
and I don’t know where to put that,
maybe in the envelope with all the pictures of us
or in my jewelry box with the necklace you gave me
or inside the one sweatshirt I didn’t put in the bag to give back to you

because now I’m throwing myself at other men’s feet
like sure, dinner would be great,
but its only because I need to stop eating with you
I sit down alone and I swear to God
you’re sitting at the table across from me
and even though you aren’t saying anything back
I chatter on and on about how much I miss you
and how empty and dark the days are without your voice

I woke up looking for a text from someone else, and that made me feel empty

I cant stop thinking about the night I wanted to watch the movie Prometheus
and you told me you’d rather not,
it was the scariest film you’d ever seen
well let me tell you, love
this is the scariest thing I have ever seen
this is my living nightmare from the moment my eyelids open to the moment I drop into my light shallow sleep
the bags under my eyes and the knots in my hair are all because you aren’t here beside me
I really wouldn’t prefer to watch this,
especially without you

and god, at night I want to call you so fucking bad
and you always tell me that I should do what I want
and to fuck what anyone else thinks
but I am so tired of hurting you
and making myself look like the pathetic putty that I am in your fingers
you used to tell me you didn’t know if there was a God who cared about us or not
because if He did
how could He be so cruel, how could He care but be so cruel?
and for the first time I understand what you meant
because I am being robbed of the one thing in the world I love the most
and you can’t look at me, you can’t utter a word
and I don’t understand why
because our love was real
I know it was real
yes, it was eating us alive but we could try again, we could
all I know is I need you back
I need you back
I need you back
please

—  "i want you to stay"—m.v.g.
3

"Dean, you did everything you could. It wasn’t your fault…these things happen sometimes."

For all his surprisingly effective facade at being nothing but the bluff, hearty, stone-headed warrior, Thor is quite perceptive.

It is Thor who first realizes the deep and abiding melancholy of Steve Rogers.

It is Thor who actually chides Tony when the latter makes a thoughtless remark about “Cap’s lost WWII boyfriend,” not completely realizing how true it all was. A chastened Tony will be the one to explain to Steve that homosexuality is no longer illegal and that New York allows same-sex marriages now.

It is Thor who listens quietly as Steve finally speaks a little of Bucky. Steve finds himself smiling when Thor refers to him as “your beloved shieldmate.”

"But Captain, you have not quite lost him - you carry part of him with you, even now."

"I have my memories, I know," Steve says.

Thor shakes his head and gently pats at Steve’s still-flat stomach. “I speak of your child, growing within you, who has survived even your frozen slumber. If you wish it, I will place the little one under my protection and he or she will be born safely.”

And that was how Steve found out that Dr. Erskine’s serum had some…. unexpected results.

—  a.k.a. How Steeb and Bucko’s baby acquired Thor as a Godfather (literally!)

I dream of a world. And i know somewhere it exists. Maybe even if in another time, in another space.. I dream of a world. Where only you and i live. Where nobody else comes or goes. A very small but a very lovely world. Only ours.

A world where i dont have to miss you because you are always with me.

You just left me without a warning and I’m trying to let go, I really fucking tried but even the alcohol doesn’t help and you literally left me like I was a piece of shit and a waste of time, I think I wasn’t even that to you. You were my world and i wasn’t even one fucking piece of shit. It feels like I never knew you. When I saw you, you looked so happy without me and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I came into your life. Because everything is my fault; if I didn’t came into your life, I wouldn’t have felt this way, so fucking heartbroken. I don’t even want this life anymore, without you it’s so worthless. I am dying inside and you don’t even see it.

Do you have any idea how tempted I am to name the dove Khairelikoblepharehglukumeilichephriedosd’enagouni? I just barely avoided this mess with my car.

trying

trying very hard to be everything
and still be nothing at all.
i try dancing without
feeling my toes
and sing without using
my voice. and
there i am, stuck
to the corners of your pages.
words pressed
like flowers
i plucked from the outer rims
of my ribcage.
my heart groans
and wants to run away from
you.
but i still try and cling
to the fabric
that i try and cover myself
with at night. i am
tired
of feeling like
i do not own my body.
i do not own my mind.
i am being controlled
by something that i have never
even seen,
something that might not even be real, except for
when i close my eyes
and wake up wondering
if any time had passed at all.
i am drowning in sweaty bed sheets
and missed calls.
i am sorry for not answering
but i do not have the strength to
talk about everything
that happens
to beautiful people
while i struggle to walk
out of my house
without mascara dripping onto
my cheeks.
i am dying to tell you
how i truly feel
and end up saying i am
great, i am so so great.
please do not worry for me,
i am the best i have ever been, and maybe
that may be true but my eyes
still carry these
bricks on my eyelashes,
my heart stings
every time it beats,
and even now my stomach will
not hold anything except
the acid
that burns
my eyes and my organs.
slowly disintegrating.
ragged ragged,
dragging dragging
feet on dead grass,
on melting snowflakes,
we are unique,
we all are
but i do not see
anything different
from my reflection
and a floating skeleton
covered in flesh.

I think I’ve finally found a way To go to heaven without dying So I am on my way The harder you work The harder you fall you wake up one day with nothing at all

I guess you lied when you said you needed me and you couldn’t live without talking to me. here I am dying and you’re doing just fine.

WITHOUT YOU
Without you,
I am the wounded deer,
panting alone on a bed
of pine needles on the forest floor,
as its lifeblood slowly drains
from its pain wracked, dying body.
Without you,
I am the last leaf
on the sugar maple in November;
my crimson flesh slowly transforming
to a crisp, dead brown;
waving precariously in the autumn breeze.
Without you,
I am the baby bird
who has fallen from its nest,
lying in helpless fear and panic;
chirping futilely for its mother,
while the unseen cat watches nearby;
poised, with wide, hungry eyes.
Without you,
I am the dead, hollow log
covered with moss;
a home for the wasps
within its rotted, termite eaten heart,
and an abode for the bugs
beneath its damp, blackened belly.
~ Kenneth N Cook

anonymous asked:

I have nothing, I have no one. I am absolutely alone. Like you, I need someone beside I'm dying without it. I was robbed of the one I love, but which me never loved. 4,5 years of lies. No friends, no communication, no heat, no worries, total nothing. Help me, please, I do not know how.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I’m afraid I have nothing.
Like you said, we’re alike, and loneliness is something I’m still trying to come to terms with.
What I’m doing right now is focus on the people I have in my life, strengthening my relationship with my family and friends. You could do that, it might work for you, too.
And, if you need a friend, I’m here. If you ever need someone, I’ll be here. I’ll do my best to keep you company.