i am disappointed in myself too

sometimes you need to accept that yes i may have been a little bit manipulative. yes i worded something in a specific way that would make my friend/fp/SO feel a bit guilty. yes i could have handled that situation in a much better way. yes i am wrong.

Understanding a Shame Based Identity

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

- Feeling like a fraud

- Feeling like I have to cover up all the time

- Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am

- Feeling powerless

- Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice

- Wishing I could just disappear

- Feeling vulnerable

- Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people

- Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

  • someone: you were pretty good at that thing, why'd you stop doing it?
  • me internally: I get extremely anxious when I think about doing something I might possibly succeed at because I base my self-worth on my achievements and other people's approval, I am afraid because I know I will never be able to live up to my own unrealistic expectations, I hate making mistakes because they make me feel worthless, I take negative feedback too personally, I feel immense guilt over not doing things that I've been avoiding which just makes me avoid them more, I feel ashamed and inadequate due to how difficult it is for me to stay committed to anything, I'm worried that I'll just end up disappointing myself and the entire world, and I am convinced that if I failed I would literally die.
  • me externally: idk i guess i've just been kinda busy lol

I Got You On My Mind [Part 4]

Jungkook Soulmate AU (Angst)

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Summary: After your memory loss, adjusting back to normal life has been difficult. Luckily, Jungkook is always there for you. Still, something seems off about him, and you just can’t understand why.

Word count: 2k words

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

“Oh yeah, I’m being discharged tomorrow,” you told Jungkook, who was pushing your wheelchair through the hospital. He insisted that you needed a change of scenery. “My parents are going to pick me up and drive me back to my apartment.”

“I-I guess it’s too early for the ‘meet the parents’ thing, right?” Jungkook stammered, uncharacteristically nervous. “Unless you want me to. Like, I don’t mind if–”

“Chill, Jungkook,” you laughed, cutting his off his rambling. “I think they’re more worried about my brain damage than any soulmate business.”

“The doctors said you’ll recover your memories though, right?” Jungkook asked, worry lining his words. “Your memory loss won’t be permanent or recurring?”

“They said my memories will come back slowly,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly. “But most of the time, the memories will have to be triggered by something. They also told me I might have short-term memory issues for the next little while.”

“That seriously sucks,” Jungkook said. “If you need any help with anything, just let me know. I don’t really know how I’d be useful, but don’t hesitate.”

“We’re not in the same department,” you snorted, turning to peer up at your soulmate who was both familiar and foreign in this instant. “This is gonna make school so difficult. I’ve forgotten nearly three months worth of content!”

“Maybe take the semester off?” Jungkook suggested. “Amnesia is a pretty valid reason. Have you talked at all to the university?”

“No,” you groaned, sinking into the wheelchair. “I don’t want to think about responsibilities right now. Just marvelling in the fact I’m still alive and kicking.”

A silence fell between you and Jungkook as he pushed you through a more crowded area of the hospital. You noticed a few younger visitors visibly gape at Jungkook, then glare at you jealously as you rolled by.

You agreed with them–how was Jungkook so damn good-looking? You hit the soulmate jackpot, for sure. Still, even if he looked different, you didn’t doubt that you would like him just the same.

“You know, it’s pretty crazy,” you blurted out unthinkingly. “I’ve been talking to you my entire life, and I always thought meeting you would feel like meeting an old friend. But honestly, you’re a total mystery to me right now. Maybe it’s because of the memory loss, or maybe other people feel this way, too.”

“No, I know what you mean,” Jungkook responded quietly, trying to figure out how to express his thoughts properly. “It’s just…we have an idea of who our soulmate is in our heads. When they’re not exactly that person, it’s kind of confusing.”

“And I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff we still don’t know about each other,” you agreed. “Honestly, I tried to make myself seem a lot better than I am.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jungkook laughed, though it sounded a bit off. You brushed it off as embarrassment. “Didn’t want to disappoint you.”

You turned your head and looked up into Jungkook’s eyes. “You couldn’t have disappointed me Jungkook, really. I’m just happy to finally meet you,” you replied, giving him a small smile. “And it’s kinda paradoxical, isn’t it? Disliking your own soulmate. Weren’t we, like, made to like each other?”

“I guess,” Jungkook said, staring ahead unwaveringly. He pushed you down another hallway, which led to the cafeteria. You only knew because of the wafting smell of hearty food was growing stronger by the second. “But nothing’s ever that simple.”

“Don’t I know it,” you sighed, laughing a little in spite of yourself. You turned the corner into the bustling cafeteria, the noise of the crowds deafening compared to the near-silent, depressing halls of the hospital.

“Want to grab something to eat?” Jungkook asked, the heaviness of your conversation vanishing before you could even blink. “I was going to grab something for myself, too.”

“Sure, I’ll have whatever you’re having,” you agreed. Out of habit, you reached down to pat your pockets for your wallet. “Oh shit, I don’t have any money on me. Don’t worry about it, then.”

“It’s cool, it’ll be my treat,” Jungkook said. When you turned to look at him, he was giving you a lopsided smile.

“Then, is this our first date?” you asked cheekily, delighting in the way Jungkook’s cheek burned. You never expected that a guy like Jungkook, with this terrible fuckboy persona, would be so easily flustered.

“If you want it to be, sure,” Jungkook answered, coughing into his hand awkwardly. You just laughed, and Jungkook pushed you forward wordlessly.


Life at home after getting discharged made staying in the hospital seem like an amusement park. After being sentenced to bedrest by your parents–and having Jieun enforce it with an iron fist–you spent your days bored out of your mind.

In only one week, you had binge-watched three shows, reread all of your course notes (and they didn’t help you remember anything), and read more manga that you had ever read before in your entire life.

You were positively itching to get outside and do something, but what bothered you the most was that you hadn’t talked to Jungkook since your “first date.” When you had gotten home, you jumped to charge your dead phone, which miraculously hadn’t been destroyed in the accident. But when the device finally charged, you soon realized that you had no way of contacting Jungkook.

For some reason, his phone number wasn’t saved in your contacts. Even though Jungkook had said you had met before, apparently you hadn’t exchanged numbers. That seemed very strange to you.

When you asked Jieun about it, she just shrugged the question off. She said your situation was a bit complicated, but that she’d have to leave it up to you and Jungkook. But Jieun did say that she would mention it to him when she saw him at school next.

Sighing, you reached for your phone beside you. It was still early in the morning. Time had lost all meaning to you, since you spent every moment of the day trapped in your apartment. A bit bitterly, you watched your friends’ Snapchat stories and longed to return to normal daily life.

Suddenly, your phone began buzzing. You dropped it in surprise, and it landed on your nose. The impact stung, and you cursed, reaching clumsily for the phone. You saw an unflattering picture of Jieun illuminate the screen. Eventually, you were able to answer.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, rubbing your hand against your sore nose.

“Y/N, I’m so fucking stupid!” Jieun practically screamed. Wincing, you held your phone away from your ear. “I know you shouldn’t be moving around, but I need you to come to the university right now. I’m working on a group project that’s due in two hours and a bunch of our files got corrupted. I have some stuff backed up on my laptop, which I left at home like an idiot!”

“Don’t worry, I can bring it to you,” you reassured quickly. “I won’t fall into traffic on the way there. It’s like a ten minute walk, so don’t worry.”

“Just don’t strain yourself, okay?” Jieun ordered, the panic still evident in her voice. “Don’t go to quickly and look both ways!”

“Hey, only I can make fun of myself,” you quipped, pulling yourself out from underneath the covers. “I’ll be over soon, I just need to get dressed.”

“Okay, see you soon. Thank you so much, Y/N,” Jieun said, and the both of you said your goodbyes before you disconnected the call.

You glanced down at your pyjama bottoms and at the thick cast over your right leg. Changing pants would be a battle for another day. Unsteadily, you stood up and balanced your weight on your unbroken leg. You reached for the crutches leaning against the wall beside you and tucked them underneath your arms.

As quickly as you could (which was not very quick), you had thrown on a clean shirt and a jacket. Your hair was a mess, so you shoved on a beanie to disguise the tangled frizz. With Jieun’s securely laptop in your backpack, you began the trek to school. Suddenly, the journey seemed incredibly long.


When you finally arrived on campus, you were panting lightly and sweating. You made your way into the music building, relatively unfamiliar with its layout. You detached yourself from one of your crutches and reached into your pocket for your phone. Quickly you sent Jieun a text letting you know you were here.

There were a few benches in the foyer, so once you hobbled over to them, you set your bag down lightly and placed your crutches against the benches. Flopping down, you discreetly tried to massage your sore armpits.

But you were glad to finally be out of the apartment. The fresh air made you feel infinitely better.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice called. Your head whipped around in the direction of the voice. Jungkook a few meters away from you, looking as dark and intimidating as ever. His wide-eyed expression kind of ruined the image though. “What are you doing here?”

“Jieun forgot her laptop at home,” you replied, pointing to the backpack at your feet, as Jungkook made his way toward you.

“Shouldn’t you be at home?” he questioned, stopping when he was standing in front of you. You craned your neck to at him properly. “Is it okay for you to be walking around so soon?”

“Please, don’t get started on that,” you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. “My parents and Jieun are unbearable. I’ve been lying in bed doing nothing all week.”

“You know, that honestly sounds like heaven,” Jungkook joked. “I’m so swamped right now. I haven’t slept in days.”

You inspected Jungkook more closely. His eyes were ringed by purplish dark circles, but they were hardly noticeable. How unfair–he always looked good.

“Hey, why haven’t you talked to me all week?” you asked suddenly, narrowing your eyes at Jungkook suspiciously.

“I was meaning to call or text or something, but I don’t have your number,” Jungkook answered sheepishly, scratching the nape of his neck awkwardly. “Didn’t know how to ask for it, since you haven’t been around campus lately.”

“Why’s that, though?” you continued, glancing down at your feet. “I mean–you said we met before. Why didn’t we keep in contact?”

“W-well, we did meet, but it wasn’t a proper conversation,” Jungkook explained stutteringly. “It wasn’t under the most normal circumstances, but–”

“Y/N!” Jieun’s loud voice suddenly interrupted. She burst into the foyer, looking absolutely frazzled. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were bloodshot, and you were pretty sure there were coffee stains on her shirt. “Thank god!”

Your friend ran over to you and practically dove for your backpack. She grabbed her laptop and hugged it tightly against her chest.

“Thank you so much. I’m so sorry I made you come all the way here,” Jieun cried, sounding frantic still. “Are you okay? Sore anywhere? Go home right away, okay? You need to rest. And please don’t tell your parents!”

“Oh my god, I’m fine Jieun,” you whined. “I think I can handle walking for, like, two minutes.”

“I just don’t want anything to happen!” Jieun insisted, stomping her foot childishly. “We’re speeding up the recovery process by being extra careful!”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever. Go work on your project and try not to fail.”

“I will,” Jieun replied. “I’ll bring dinner on my way home.” She turned, only spotting Jungkook for the first time. Her eyes narrowed and she frowned slightly. “Jungkook.”

“Jieun,” he replied, just as shortly.

You looked between the two of them, wondering why there was so much tension. It looked like they were having a silent conversation, and you hated not knowing what was going on. You had the suspicion they were hiding something from you–but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out what, exactly.

Eventually, Jieun just nodded and strode away, leaving Jungkook with a tight expression. Visibly, you could see Jungkook try to shake away the tension, his jaw unclenching. When he turned back to you, his features were schooled.

“Give me your phone,” Jungkook said, reaching out his hand and smiling softly. “I’ll add my number.”

- Girl in Luv

Okay, so this one was a bit filler-y. Originally I had planned to make this one angsty too, but I figured you guys could use the respite. Also, it would have been like 4k words and it’s like 2:30AM and this girl needs to sleep. Anyway, stay tuned!! Thanks as always for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed. Your replies and reblogs/tags are so cute I read them all 💛💛💛💛

Dragons

This is going to be a long story. 

Some of you, those who have been following me for a while or seen me at conventions, know that I am *trying* to branch out into designing toys rather than just making them. There are a lot of reasons for this, primarily so that I have time: time to design new things, time to rest, time to do literally anything other than crochet delightful sea creatures - you get the gist. 

It’s not that I don’t love making things, I do. And I’m certainly not going to stop making things; I’m pretty sure I can’t, to be honest. But I have to admit that it would certainly be much easier on me, at least for my wrists, to have sewing machines do most of the work. 

So. The dragons. 

I finally made enough money to get a run of plushies made, and I decided to start with my red dragons as my first line. Dragons were one of my most popular items, but they were a lot of work to make, so I figured they would be perfect as plushies. 

I decided to go with Gann Memorials for my production. Now that I’ve already made my mistakes, I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I should never have partnered with Gann, but since nobody felt the need to tell me anything about them previous to my giving them quite a lot of money, that’s who I went with. I did have one person tell me that they were “skeevy”, but since she wouldn’t go into any detail or even use any other words to describe them, I assumed her issue was personal in nature and dismissed it. I wasn’t planning on spending time with these people, I reasoned, just entering into a business arrangement with them. I don’t care if they’re skeevy. I care if they’re competent. 

Well, now I know. 

We began in July of 2015, a year and a half ago. I made the initial phone call (which was grand, because I have social anxiety and calling people on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do). Chris Gann (hereafter Chris) was a genial guy, very much a salesman - but, since I was looking to buy things from him, that was pretty much what I was looking for. We set up an account for me. Promises were made, verbal assurances; they specialize in quick turnaround for orders, I’d have them in less than three months (assuming that I don’t take forever making alterations, of course), they have very high quality standards, et cetera. 

A few days later he set up a Basecamp account. Basecamp is an app for communication between people working on a project together. I can definitely recommend it; it works out beautifully for that precise thing. The account was started July 27. 

So far, so good. 

On August 11, he sent me the first sample images. They needed some tweaking, but I was starting to get excited. I made my recommendations and he went off to relay them to the production team. 

On August 19, he sent the second sample images. These were very close. I accepted this version:

Cute, right? I think it’s cute. Grumpy, but not off-putting; now that I have a little more experience under my belt, I can see where I would make further changes, but it’s still very cute.  

September 1: Chris tells me that the dragons will be shipped to me in October. 

September 7: Chris informs me that these guys are going to need tags. I hadn’t thought about that, but I whip up an acceptable tag design (it’s not great but it’ll work) and send it off to him two days later. I don’t hear back from him until October 2nd, when I ask for a shipping estimate; Chris assures me that they’ll ship by the end of the month. 

October 21: Chris asks me to approve the tag design that I had sent him. I’m a little confused, but I approve. The day after, I approve of the shipping mark and I start to get myself emotionally prepared to receive a large shipment of toys. 

October 29: I check up again on the time frame. Chris says he’ll ask. 

November 2: Chris says that they’ll be shipped by the end of the week. 

I want to point out here that Chris told me they would be *delivered* by the end of October, not shipped at the beginning of November. I’m a little unhappy with this, but you know, things happen. Whatever. I’ll probably shop around for the next line of plushies due to this delay; he hasn’t lost my business forever at this point, but neither has he pleased me to the point where I would go with his company again as a matter of course. 

November 5: Chris sends me pictures of the final product. There’s not much in the way of variation from what I had already approved, so I assume all is well. He also tells me that I’ll be getting extra product on their dime. I am pleased by the prospect, as that would mollify me about the delay. Unfortunately, it turns out not to be true. 

Novemter 18: I receive the boxes. I do not believe in putting things off, so I opened them immediately and went through my product, counting and sorting carefully. I am widely dismayed by what I find. 

I ordered 350 dragons. It’s a small order, in the way of these things, but it was what I could afford. I did receive exactly 350 dragons, but they were not what I had approved. Every aspect was correct and acceptable *except* the most important part of any mammal, toy or not: the face. In this case, the eyes. Of the whole order, 17 dragons had split seams (not a big deal, I’m handy with a needle and I understand that they underwent significant squishing in order to fit them into as few boxes as possible to make shipping affordable); 46 were correct, as in their eye placement and shape were in a range close to what I had approved of; and a whopping 286 of them had what I have to call drastically incorrect eye placement. Here’s what I mean: 

The eyelids are too low and placed at the wrong angle, making it look sleepy (still sellable, but not what I paid for). The eyelids are, by the way, glued into place. 

These eyes are totally wrong (and, may I remind you, glued into place, so I can’t fix it without cutting the eyes out completely). That’s just… wrong. 

This guy has to be my favorite. One eye is significantly larger than the other one and has been placed about a quarter inch higher; the eyelids are entirely wonky - and still glued into place. 

Dec 3: Chris tells me he is trying to work things out with the factory; I send him the above images for clarification. He says he may just have me keep what I received and he will replace the entire order on his dime. 

I am, at this point, entirely depressed. I feel like a failure. I have a certainty that this issue will not be corrected, and even if it is, it won’t be corrected in anything like a reasonable time scale. I feel that I have wasted a very large sum of money and way too much time and it makes me angry and hugely, vastly, deeply disappointed. 

January 5, 2016: Chris asks me if the appearance of the dragons I received is somehow different from the sample I approved. I wonder to myself if he has working eyeballs, or at least knows someone who does, but I respond in the affirmative and re-send all of the pictures, including the one I approved for reference. All of these pictures are still in the Basecamp account. All I have to do is scroll to look at these exact same pictures, but I send them again anyways. I also ask for honesty, here; if he’s not going to fix this, please at least have the decency to tell me about it so I can move on with my life and not have to expend my energy trying to get something done here. 

January 7: Chris takes umbrage at the notion that he might just possibly not bother to fix these glaring mistakes, as he is nothing if not forthright and good. I point out that the delivery took much, much longer than he had initially told me, and that the extra product that was supposed to be included with the shipment never showed up. 

January 8: Chris says that he  misspoke about me getting extras; there will not be another box forthcoming, he was mistaken about that. He does graciously allow me to keep the gigantic pile of unsellable, wasted material that they sent me, and promises that he’ll have the dragons remade at his expense and the issue with the eyes will definitely be fixed in the next batch. (This also turns out to be untrue.)

January 9: Chris tells me that the next batch will ship out after the Chinese New Year. This makes sense to me; holidays always mess up shipping times, and these are travelling across the planet, after all. I settle down and assume they’ll be here in six to eight weeks. 

April 20: This is more than six to eight weeks, you will notice. Chris tells me to expect a shipment some time late next month. I have given up on ever seeing these damn things. 

September 23: Chris sends new pictures for approval. It has been over a year since the first time I went through this process; I was told that I would have them in under three months. Over a year. I’ve moved to a different state by this point and yes, I was snippy. I pointed out that in the FIVE MONTHS since I last heard from him, my address had changed. 

I liked the new ones. These looked angrier. If I got dragons like these, I would be able to sell them in exchange for money. 

November 16: Chris asks me for my delivery address. Again. I ask if this indicates that they will be shipped soon, but there’s no response. 

January 10, 2017: Gene Gann, another employee of Gann Memorials, informs me that I should expect my shipment by mid-February. 

February 8: Gene asks me for my phone number, which I supply, so the shipper can get into contact with me to set up a delivery time. 

February 15: The shipper calls me. We set up a delivery time. 

February 17, 2017: I receive six boxes full of dragons. They have the same qualities of the first batch, only there are more of them this time. Four - I repeat, four - are correct, in that they match the above picture. A further 189 are in sellable condition, looking sleepy or disappointed rather than angry but otherwise having no defects. 27 have split seams, only three of which I bother fixing since the other 24 have devastatingly bizarre eye placement. 303 dragons go into boxes with glued-on, incorrectly placed, wrongly sized eyes. 

In the end, I’ve received a total of 243 dragons that are in a sellable condition. Only a small portion of those actually resemble what I ordered. 589 dragons can only be sold as misfits. I put some in grab bags, feeling guilty. I see them in trash cans at conventions and can’t really blame anyone. 218 dragons, which should have been sold at a profit to fund the next line, are utterly unusable. I have scrapped them and am using their stuffing to fill other projects. 

I am bitter about the entire thing. I am angry. I am never, ever going to do business with Gann Memorials again, nor will I recommend them to anyone, as I cannot with good conscience do so, because if they had an experience anything similar to mine I would be wracked with the most horrible guilt. 

I *am* going to try again. As tempting as it is to simply give up, to assume that there is something lacking about my character, that there is something about me that makes things like this happen, I won’t do it. I’m saving up for another line of plush toys. I am shopping around for a different company to work with. 

My hands are tired and my blood pressure is high, but I’m still going. 


(I want to put in a disclaimer that I am not assuming anything about the personal morality of Chris or Gene Gann. I do not want them attacked or thought of in any wrong way because of how all of this went down. This was a business deal, and sometimes they go sour. This could have been a series of misunderstandings, mistakes, communication errors, unfortunate events, what have you. I don’t know what’s going on in their lives. These are things that happened, and they will affect who I do business with going forward, but I don’t assume that these are bad people. I don’t think I could encourage anyone to have a business relationship with this company and these people, but if you want to have a beer with them, I’m sure they’re very nice.)

You’re my weakness

Plot:  jungkook scenario where you argue and he says something hurtful and you try to break up

For anon 

illi

Originally posted by mayfifolle


He never hurted you, not intentionally.

But now..maybe it was time to end things there.


A few hours before


-Why are you always late?

-I’m getting ready and I am not always late

-let’s just say most of the time then

You laughed while he helped you getting your dress on, you had to go to this fancy dinner with the other members and the Pdnim.

The restaurant was really cool all reserved for you, the Big Hit entr. Was reunited to celebrate BTS last comeback and all kills, as always. Your boyfriend Jongkook was shining as usual in the room and you felt so proud of him it you couldn’t stop smiling.

At that point a guy, tall with black hair approached you asking if you wanted something to drink, he asked you nicely so you just smiled back a him and said you were ok..But he didn’t stop talking to you, he kept getting close, way too close to you.

You weren’t scared but you started wandering where your boyfriend wee and when the guy placed a hand on your hips making you flinch he magically appeared and grab your wrist taking you close to him.

-Kookie hei, sorry man I had no idea she was your girlfriend

-You better just leave

You looked at him while he was boiling in anger and tried to make him relax drawing cirlce on his back.


When you got at home he was still mad but you couldn’t understand why, so you just pretended nothing happened.

-Want some water before going to bed?

You asked while he was changing his clothes- he didn’t answer so you just started changing too.. you couldn’t reach the zip of your dress so you asked him for help

-Why don’t you go to that guy instead?

-Excuse me?

-What can’t you understand what I am saying now? Or you’re just playing dumb?

-Ya Jungkook I know you’re tired and stressed and that guy didn’t help but why is it my fault?

-If he hit on you it’s because you made him believe you were single

-WHAT?!

-Ya Y/N are you dumb??

-You better shut the fuck up

-Why???  Cause I am telling the truth?? You think I didn’t see you standing there smiling at everything?? You looked so happy in that fancy restaurant.. Did you finally get what you were waiting for? Money? Fame? Well you’re welcome..

You slapped him . For the first time ever. And he said nothing, he just looked at you and smirked, like you was just an annoying girl looking for attention

He took his clothes off and just went to your bedroom.

You couldn’t cry, it was so out of the blue that you had no idea f how to react, you promised yourself to never let any man make you feel like he owned you, like you should thank him for being the successful woman you are. You did all by yourself, you studied hard and worked harder and he knew that, that’s why it hurted more.

You slept on the couch that night and when you woke up he was already gone, so you did what you had to.. you took your clothes from the wardrobe, your make up, every little thing you owned and just left.


A week later you were still sleeping in a hotel, not even a text from him.

Instead Jiinie, Tae and the others kept calling you and texting you asking what happened and where were you, but you decided not to tell them.


You were walking back at the hotel after work, it was dark outside and it looked like it was starting to rain so you tried to walk faster..there was nobody around and you were a little scared.

You heard some footsteps and voices of man coming behind you so you decided to ignore them, they walked by you and turned around


-Hei sweetie you look so good

-Yea, where are you going?

-Wanna have some fun?

You looked at the floor, trying to ignore them when you felt a hand on your shoulders

-Let me go

-Why? We can have some fun!

You closed your eyes, fear not letting you move and then..

You heard someone grabbing you and the mans running away.

You recognized him, how couldn’t you? Just his smell were enough to make you feel more comfortable.

He hugged you and kissed the top of your head while you covered your face in his chest

-I am so sorry

You started sobbing, still scared to death

-I am so sorry my love, I will never leave you alone again

He whispered, and you could feel his voice cracking while he was talking

-I am so sorry I should have protected you but I made you run away

He tried to pull away from the hug but you stopped him

-Don’t .. please I am so scared

-Sure, let’s go to the hotel before it starts raining ok?

As he said that the first rain started to drop.


You arrived at the hotel completely wet, you were still holding his arm.

He helped you taking off your clothes and prepared a bath for the both of you, he washed your hair and changed you in some night clothes while he stayed in his boxers.

The two of you were on the bed, he was hugging you and caressing your hair while looking at you.

You were starting to felt asleep in his arms, who felt so safe.

-I am so sorry Y/N.. I know that I was wrong and you shouldn’t forgive me now but I will wait until you do so.. I don’t want to leave you again.

-You are so stupid

-I know, you’re so strong and smart that I have no idea how you could be my girlfriend

-I don’t know either

-I know you won’t forgive me now.. but can you think about it?

-I will..I won’t throw away 2 years of relationship because of a stupid argument but you have to gain again my trust

-I will

-Jongkook I never felt like you made me feel that night.. you know? I felt so miserably, you treated me like I was nothing and I can’t forget it

-I know..I am so sorry I disappointed you.. I don’t know what happened

-You better work on this and fix it..  because I won’t give you another chance.. not because of this. I love you but I love myself too.. I have to respect myself as a woman first and you have to do it too

-I know.. I am really sorry Y/N.. can I sleep here tonight?

-Sure..cause I don’t know why but nobody makes me feel safe as you do..and that’s why I can’t let you hurt me..you’re my weakness

Never become too comfortable

I’ve been meaning to write this for a couple months now, but could never bring myself to it - Probably because I am disappointed in myself. I had a Tumblr before, but was perviously out’ed by someone who knew me on another SM platform, and I was a part of the SB IG community. Anyways, onto the post… I learnt this the hard way, and I don’t want anyone else to make the same mistake that I did. From February-June 2016, I had a vanilla BF, three sugar ‘BFs’, and was seeing other men as well. I was literally making over $20,000+ a month. If you want to know how I did it, lets just say, sometimes I had to go on 3+ dates a day. The worst part was pretending that I was hungry, meal after meal (LOL - three meals a day, back to back sucks). I met a man that I named “Oyster POT” from my IG posts (May 2016), and he was providing me $10,000 a month - it wasn’t easy, and he always wanted to talk, but that’s expected I guess. It was very time consuming and exhausting, so I dropped all the other SDs I was seeing. THAT IS WHERE I WENT WRONG, I became too comfortable! Fast-forward to November 2016, Oyster POT ended up being very ill, and he told me he can no longer support me. I already burned the bridges with the other sugar daddies. If I did not burn those bridges, the land developer BF would be proposing in a couple of months (we were together for nearly 2 years), and I would be set for life. The moral of the story is… never become too comfortable. As cliche as it sounds, people change, and things happen. Protect your ass. 

As we all know, humans are one of the most ever-changing things out there, therefore, business with humans may not be consistent. 

we get it, you’re gay.
my sexuality is not a shirt that I take off at the end of each day, it is not dirty. I do not dress myself in lesbianism just for the fashion perks; homophobia is not in style. i am not a living light switch, I do not turn myself off to solve all your problems, my light will not go out because it’s too bright for you.
we get it, you’re gay.
if I stop talking about it, it will not go away. I would say I am sorry to disappoint but I am not sorry, I am gay, I am very gay and I am not sorry for who I am, I am only sorry that you have a problem with self-liberation and confidence.
we get it, you’re gay.
I can tell when someone is uncomfortable and my sexuality is making you uncomfortable, you are upset that I am comfortable in my own skin, you are upset that I am comfortable with the fact that I love girls and you are uncomfortable about the fact that I won’t shut up. you can’t silence my sexuality, actions speak louder than words.
we get it, you’re gay.
you don’t mind that I’m gay you just don’t want me to be too gay, because being too gay is distracting. you want me to be quiet gay, nice gay, understanding gay, your-gay-friend gay, let-you-get-away-with-everything gay. I can like girls but I’m supposed to whisper that kind of thing, not shout it. the neighbors aren’t supposed to hear.
we get it, you’re gay.
you say you understand, but you’d rather just push it under the rug. it’s okay if I’m gay, but I shouldn’t rub it in your face. you don’t mind, you say, but you can’t help but notice how many people are gay these days and you assume it must be some kind of practical joke. I am not a joke, my life is not some riddle, do you see me laughing? this is not funny.
we get it, you’re gay.
oh, I’m just rebellious, I’ve been told. a rebellious teen confused by the media, so tell me, where is my army? where are my hundreds of thousands of lgbt soldiers, ready to fight this war on love? we stand united but we are not armed, because if we bring the weapons we have guaranteed ourselves a two-minute five o'clock news slot, tragic tragedy, one-more-gay-gone, let’s save the world, let’s save the gays.
we get it, you’re gay.
“lesbians have ruined flannels for me” because the community was supposed to ask for a style after you denied us basic human rights? I’m sorry gay girls have ruined plaid for you, but it never looked too great on you anyway. maybe you should stick to solid colors; if you put too many shades on one shirt, it might look like a rainbow and someone might accidentally think you’re gay. can’t have that.
we get it, you’re gay.
don’t annoy the straights! eyes wide open, avoiding ticking bombs of discrimination, it happens all the time but there’s no way to prepare yourself for hate speech coming from the mouth of your mother or your teacher or your best friend. I bite my tongue to keep from coming out but you’re just so sure that you can trust me, I’ll get it, no offense, no hard feelings, I will understand.
we get it, you’re gay.
I am not going to hit on you, just because I like girls does not mean that I like you, I love myself and I love being gay. do not make my sexuality about you, my life does not revolve around you. I’ve undressed in front of you my entire life but now you insist on changing in the next room. you don’t say it, but I know. I’m not a friend, I’m a predator.
we get it, you’re gay.
you can ramble all day about how that kid in your physics class is just to die for, but the second I mention that a girl in my history class is cute then all eyes are burning holes into my skin. you don’t have to bring your gay with you everywhere, leave it at home most days, it’s too embarrassing to share.
we get it, you’re gay.
I don’t look gay enough, I’ve heard. do I need to carry a sign with me everywhere to broadcast that I Am Not Straight, I am g-a-y gay, rainbows all over my body and in my back pocket, just so you can see?
we get it, you’re gay.
oh, but you tell me that I am not gay I am not gay because I am a girl that likes girls, I can only use the word lesbian. I didn’t know that I erased my name tag and handed it to you, I didn’t know that you were in charge of what I called myself, I didn’t know you were allowed to police my labels; I never asked for your opinions but that never stopped you anyway, do you understand?
we get it, you’re gay.
so, by gay, do you mean really gay or just a little gay? lipstick lesbian, three-way fantasy, am I right? what stereotype would you like to claim, or would you prefer that I choose?
we get it, you’re gay.
truth or dare has always been a death sentence for me, and anyone that says that party games aren’t lethal doesn’t know pure poison, I grew up drinking venom from vodka bottles because alcohol was nothing to a child on the run. so explain to me why I would stop now.
we get it, you’re gay.
in every wedding aisle there’s a “mr.” and a “mrs.” who’s the man in the relationship, they’ll ask us, nothing about us is traditional but they’ll insist we wear white anyway. marriage equality, what else are you fighting for?
I get it, you’re straight.
you’re the cool straight friend. you’re the best straight friend any gay person could ever have, asking for fashion advice and introducing me as your “gay friend.” you say that you have a pretty great gaydar, and you knew all along. do you also know that I want you to shut the fuck up?
I get it, you’re straight.
capital s “Straight,” straight as a telephone pole, straighter than a ruler. so straight and everyone knows without you saying a word because you people are everywhere. you’re on cereal boxes and billboards and in every television show. you’re the main character but we’re just there for a little drama, an episode or two, and then we’re gone.
I get it, you’re straight.
you have never had to come out of the closet because you were never in one to begin with, you own the entire house and didn’t even give us enough room to be. has anyone ever told you how dark and crowded a closet is? it is so hard to breathe with so little space to exist, I’m surprised my thoughts didn’t suffocate me over the years, would you have even noticed?
I get it, you’re straight.
you’re a girl and you like boys, only boys. I mean, everyone experiments in college, right? everyone loves that song, I kissed a girl, because everyone loves just to give being gay a try without the weight of what it really means. it’s not cheating if it’s with a girl, right? right?
I get it, you’re straight.
no homo, bro! holding hands, sharing drinks, making eye contact, it’s not gay, no homo. just two pals being gals, no homo, don’t worry, we’re straight!
I get it, you’re straight.
you have learned how to hate since the moment you were born. no worries, I have been too, but I unlearned heteronormativity so I could fall in love with myself. you preach it every sunday in church and every weekday at work, you learn that serving me is optional, that you can turn me away because you don’t like who I love.
I get it, you’re straight.
lets talk about me as a topic of class discussion, I am the focus of today’s debate, go. argue your stance. do you think this girl at table three should have the right to get married, the right to adopt, the right to buy milk, the right to exist? do you think this girl at table three is just trying to fit in? do you think the girl at table three should be allowed to go to prom? tell me, let’s talk about the girl at table three, no harm done.
I get it, you’re straight.
you are in every book I’ve ever read. the love stories are always about you, how can you expect me to grow up and not feel flawed? these novels teach me to hate who I am, it’s a miracle in and of itself that I’m still here.
I get it, you’re straight.
“there’s a war on straight people,” excuse me? we are just beginning to come out of the shadows because the earth is only now a little less haunted and you have the audacity to say that you are the ones under attack?
I get it, you’re straight.
every step we take is monitored and broadcast for the world to see. you are just a person allowed to make your own decisions but everything I do respresents my entire community and there is no space for me to make mistakes. I am not perfect but I am trying.
I get it, you’re straight.
you say that me being gay is not a big deal to you, it could be anyone, no big deal, not at all. but it’s a big deal to me, this wasn’t an easy thing to say. why should I silence myself, am I overreacting?
I get it, you’re straight.
there’s no rule book for being an ally and sometimes the borders become a little blurred, it’s easy to cross a line. I will help guide you but I will not hold your hand. I cannot always be there to watch the words that trickle out of your mouth, you have to remember that I am a secret.
I get it, you’re straight.
please stop talking about me like I am the latest news story, I am not a headline in big bold font, sometimes I just need a moment to breathe. I have these words printed into my skin just like a newspaper and I’ve never been more black and white.
I get it, you’re straight.
what’s it like to be gay? oh, you know what I mean, so when did you know? which girl turned you gay? why did you lie to us, how many times have you done it with a girl, what about with a guy? how can you be gay if you’ve never done anything? can you ever really know? what if it’s all a phase?
I get it, you’re straight.
the words we identify ourselves by are your insults. they lock us up for holding hands, they criminalize and sexualize our daily activities because they don’t want us corrupting the children. I’ve spent my entire life in an invisible prison with see-through shackles, this is on my permanent record.
I get it, you’re straight.
have you ever considered that my backpack is heavy because I have to carry the weight of your judgment to and from school every day, I have to carry a fire extinguisher in my lunch box because these toxic words are flammable. I might break my back but at least you don’t know.
I get it, you’re straight.
what’s it like to be “normal”? to never have to deal with the undercover I’m-sorry-for-you stares from the kids in the hallway, the I’ll-pray-for you promises spoken by nice ladies in their sunday best?
we get it, you’re gay.
when I’m telling my love story I do not want to lie. I will not censor the pronouns to protect the innocent because my happiness is not guilt-ridden. I am leaving this book open.
—  we get it.
Aurors at work
  • Draco: She smiled at me.
  • Ron: No she didn't.
  • Draco: Of course she did! Your eyes are as bad as your brain, Weasley!
  • Harry: Well, she did smile, Ron. I don't know why, but she did.
  • Draco: She is in love with me.
  • Harry: That is debatable.
  • Draco: No, it isn't. You'll see.
  • Ron: Hermione will never fall in love with you, Malfoy. She hates you.
  • Draco: Well, you hated me too. But we are friends now.
  • Harry: 'ahem' colleagues.
  • Draco: Same thing in my book. But whatever you guys say doesn't matter. Hermione has started to fancy me.
  • Ron: I will kill myself if that ever happens.
  • Draco: Oh, no need of that, Weasley. I will be disappointed to lose such a valuable jester of my court.
  • Harry: You are not a king, Malfoy.
  • Draco: Yes, I am. And you are my minister and Hermione shall be my queen.

Hello my loves~ ❤

I’m so sorry I’ve been so inactive, my fault! School has been such a hassle and happily, school is over in 2 more months!

2 more good news!:
1.) It’s my second follow forever!
2.) It’s my birthday today!! 🎊

I do wanna clear some stuff I’ve been wanting to tell you guys. I really hope you guys will not be mad at me and think I lie about everything, but I am actually 14. I was born March 21st, 2003. I hope you guys aren’t mad at me or anything, I’m already disappointed I kept this for so long and I just wanted to clear this up. Thank you for understanding!

\ A game for today til Sunday, you can ask me any questions and I will gladly answer honestly!

For my birthday, I wanted to make a follow forever! So, I’m including everyone who follows me! Or at least try too! I’m very sorry if you were not included!

Please understand I organized this myself, so if it’s in the wrong order, I’m sorry.

\ ☆ AFTER your name = Mutual ❤

# - F : @0kjungkook , @0130am , @07-08-r, @1295tae, @301bts , @17btsday7, @180cme , @1dand5sosforlife , @2kpoppersnl , @5sosbombassllama , @6sauce-writing , @7dreamers-scenarios @8suga , @90sminseok , @abyssoffire, @abeautae , @acanthuslilac , @accio-riddle , @acidd-lifestyle , @acingdreams , @actionables , @adorablyhopeless , @adreamisallihave , @adventureiseek , @aegyeom, @aestheticjams , @aiko98, @alexsaandraa , @alicetea16 , @aliennayeon ☆ , @amallama12 , @amibambami, @amiesyabbuingbbing, @amlug-anrand , @anabeatrizcocatos2, @andrea8129, @animehoseok , @annam96 , @anotherbtsblog , @antisepticriah, @armyduck007 ☆BOI I ALREADY MISS YOU , @armynicochan , @armystruggles-jikookotp , @army-inspirit-carat-riren , @ashthemitch ☆ , @asians-and-bangtan , @asstaethic , @astrophancy, @avengeriiism , @aw-yeah-jimin , @aznloverforever , @a–n–a–h–i , @babyarmywithnojams , @bangstann☆ , @bangtanbabez , @bangtanbanana , @bangtanhi , @bangtans-aesthetic☆ , @bangtansbutterfly , @bangtansqueen , @bangtanshopex , @bangtanscenariosblog , @bangtantrash-jpg ☆ , @bangtan-topia , @bangtanxme , @batistabombingdatass, @bbminikomi, @bengtens ☆ , @bias-less , @bigdaddyjungkook, @bittersweetsleeps, @booksforbryony , @booty-baekery, @browny-kyum , @btsandscenarios , @btsarmyfandom , @btsblessed, @btsonlyblog, @btsfanficss , @btsgirl247 , @btsgmfu, @btssujublog☆ , @btsxlami , @bts-army-girl , @bts-is-fun, @bts-seventeen-got7-scenarios , @byakuya6ash, @bylihoon, @captainminsuga-senpai, @canadiank-poplover☆, @castlecrushr, @captain-jam-jin-love-posts , @channietheelf , @chanyowassupp, @charliexiri, @cheekyhoshi☆ , @chimminiecrickets , @chim-chiminie , @chol-hxns0l, @chokemeseokjin, @clunnie, @coffeecupsandjiminsmuts , @coffeesuga , @coffeetaetae, @completetrassh, @craaaaaaptastic , @crazed-writers , @cutiepiehaya, @cutie-jamong , @cynthia-edi, @c-onis, @dabdab-campaign-2k16, @dabtan-boys, @daebak-bts ☆ , @dangerstrangerk , @darker-shade-of-pain , @dean-morelikeyes , @diamondlifeaf , @diitea, @donghynck, @dopebangtanboys, @dope-yougot7 ☆ , @dramallamapower, @dreams-kaulitz , @drunkookie☆ , @eatchae , @ellyssiaw , @encontrarte-encontrarme , @ericapoyser, @euriefayearmy , @evaisevil, @ewelina21268 , @ewwtfkook, @exclusivejably , @fandomcatguldfisk, @fangtanbomb , @farhanabanana, @faulyl , @fehlentscheidungen , @fluffyfluffybunbun , @fluffyyoongitrash

G - L: @galaxy123d, @glassofjin, @grandma-seokjin , @granoli , @goldenmaktae ☆ , @goodbye-summer15, @gotsarah04, @happilyinnsane , @happy-hobii , @hauntedcoffee, @hanthebean , @hefiwalker1234, @helloblamebts ☆ , @homiehopper4life, @hellonams ☆, @hoshi-yoshi ☆ , @hoshiwow ☆ , @husbandsjjp ☆, @hyobincat , @ifyouadoreme , @ilovejacksonwangwithallmyheart , @im-in-too-deep-kpop , @imjaebloom , @imucholove , @infiniteloveforexovixxandshinee , @ifoundmywaybacktoyou , @itsdoradaxx , @infiniteontheblock , @itsmeayishaa , @itsmesofreak12 , @i-barbie-girl , @i-c-bae, @i-got-yes-jams , @i-live-because-of-books , @i-need-kookie , @jaadex3 , @jams-jimin , @jams-joon , @jaywalkingmylifeaway , @jeonchimin , @jeonjungkook4ever , @jeonggukkieee, @jeonniekook ☆ , @jeonoona , @jiimilk , @jikookized , @jimickeygotyesjams , @jimin-is-life , @jiminahhhhh , @jiminieanae , @jiminigotjams , @jiminniejimbles , @jiminsweat , @jiminies-thighs ☆ , @jiminyoongis , @jinnamin-rolls , @jin-is-my-princess , @jjangdongwoohoo , @joai , @judyisjustsaying-cypher , @jungkookieluv97 ☆, @jungkooksbaggypants , @jungkook-sucks ☆ , @jung-taekwoondo , @jungtothekook , @just-exo-really , @jxkookie97, @j-nxzf , @kageyasma , @kamorialand , @karklttyvantass , @kimcheesetae , @kimmytae , @kimseokjinbts4 , @kingnamjoons , @kingshortcakes , @krissieluv6 , @kokirikesali-blog , @kookamonn , @korean-fuckboys ☆ , @kpopisruiningme , @kpopismylife365 , @kpopreactiions , @kpop-is-her-style ☆ , @kpop-garbagecan , @kyuhyunsdeliciousprostate , @k-kpop-stuff , @lanaaaa1 , @lebonssu , @leftladystranger , @little-hook , @liyahstephens , @llrapmonsterslmainll , @looneyjoonie

M - R: @maknaeroni , @markskookie ☆ , @mean-yoongi , @mel2491 , @million-bucks , @mellowbutdramatic , @miceinsanity , @milku-hoseok , @min-suga-is-gorgeous , @mintchocfringe , @mochiijimin , @mommaj-got-jams ☆ , @monbell , @myjinspiration ☆ , @mykawaiikookie , @my-yoongi-bear ☆ , @namsjoonie , @namjoonspornstash , @nathanjin515, @nattyuchiha , @nessynotthemonster , @nevereverbygot7 , @nicoxchan1 , @nobuubs , @ohyeahbts , @ourminyoongi , @omgicecreambox, @only-you-taehyung , @onlybangtangif , @overgguk , @p-ixie-butt , @paislin , @pakistaniprinces , @paperdream-bts , @parkjiminbiased , @peachyrosaes , @penguimin , @penny44224 , @pepperemzie , @pervydongsaeng ☆ , @piercethe-katelyn , @pinkcoral98 , @pinkuchin , @prada-cide , @princess-bts, @puppyoongis , @psycho-witch666 , @pwcyn, @rapling ☆ , @rapmonsteryeah ☆ , @rapmons-wifeu @reactionsmultikpop-blog , @redrosebangtan , @renaihyung , @rickhasnochiilll ☆ , @roseyposey96 @runningwithbts

S - X: @sakuangelnarufox , @sanchoalien52 , @sassyminghao , @sarahjgoupil , @saranghaeyo-scenarios , @sarcasm-14 , @sassofsehunsass , @scng-mino , @sgfgdolans , @sehun8591 , @sehunardo-dicaprio , @seokkookie , @seventeensuga , @seventeen-hell ☆ , @sexuality-bangtan , @shadowchaossilver , @shawol4life , @sheilacamps , @silent-panda-dreams , @siwncerlyours , @sleepoverjam , @slythieamour-loves-her-guardian , @so-nyeon-dan ☆ , @space25princess03 , @slylittlekittys , @snupergirl , @smoldabber , @soilikewalls , @softbeommie , @so-far-away-agustd , @sonyeonlife ☆ , @spritexvodka , @sponsoredbyroxy , @squeezetae , @stalekookie , @starshallowbethyname , @starryyoongi , @stars-in-the-galaxy , @stuckinthiskiss , @stravberavi , @strawverrrymilktae , @sugabub , @sugajjp , @suvakasxd , @sweet-mother-of-pie, @taehyunganae , @taegum , @taekachuu ☆ , @taekoatsume , @taemin-the-dorito , @taetae-stan , @tellmewhativedreamed , @thechopkins , @thecrazygoodgirl , @the-eye-of-the-taiga , @thejeallyjeal , @thelovesehun , @the-lust-juliet , @therunawaykid , @theobliviatorblog , @thexiufiles , @thisisforbts , @tisbrittany , @topjongdae , @toxichugs25 , @trashbagjeon , @ultchittayeol , @ult-fantasies , @ute-cute , @venomlithium , @victoria-dreams , @viralpictures4u , @vminevmin , @voidhobi , @weirdrustic , @weirdotae , @welcometothebtslife , @whaaliens , @winnerho , @wonwoostrash, @worldofjesy , @xmonochrome , @xiumins-glorious-abs , @xparkjxmin , @xultjeon , @xwiingsx , @xxtheinvisiblewallxx

Y - Z: @yandereyoonkook , @yayaruizc , @yellowcardkookie , @ynmnanti , @ynwabanqtan , @yoonimin , @yoonginim , @yoonginams, @yoongiyul , @yoongi-saurus , @yoonminislife , @yo-onmin , @you-got-noo-jams ☆ , @yourysamarie , @yugyeomsfreckle, @yutodes , @zeemin , @zicoslut666 , @zodiacs-roar

Thank you for following my account and I will soon become better with my own edits! I also love all 800+ you 💘 Hopefully by maybe Augst or July we can get 1000+ followers!! For now I will leave it add that and at the rest of you later tonight, promise💘

Dora ❤

i feel left behind. push aside. shoved under the fucking rug because everyone’s decided i’m either too much to handle, or not good enough to stick around for. too much, not enough… i don’t know what the fuck i am. i wish i could fix myself so people would stay, i wish i could change things so i wouldn’t make everyone angry or disappointed. i wish i could turn myself into the person that other people want me to be.

GUYS

WHY THE FLYING FUCK IS THIS BARELY ON TUMBLR

LIKE I’VE SEEN TWO POSTS FOR THIS AND THATS IT

Ryohei Kimura, Lawless’ voice actor, has confirmed on his Twitter one month ago (I know, I’m late), that there is a new Servamp anime project in the works.

That can potentially mean that they might be making a season 2 of Servamp.

Now, this is just an prediction. I really don’t want to start a rumor saying that the season 2 is confirmed because it’s not, but I really, really am hoping for one.

Please note that I may be completely wrong. This “new anime project” can be anything. Maybe more SLS videos, perhaps an OVA or two, and if we are lucky enough, maybe an original movie.

But to be honest, a chance for season 2 looks a bit slim. The anime is about 2 arcs behind and with Tanaka-sensei’s hiatus, I’m not sure if they will have enough content to make a season two. Unless they actually do the Alicein arc, but that would mean Lawless and Licht wouldn’t be in there.

This news was supposedly also announced during the Servamp festival event (omg servamp really loves festivals lol. not that I’m complaining ;)). Fortunately for us who missed the event, they have decided to make it into a DVD. Unfortuantely for us, it’s going to be released on June 28, 2017. A couple more months guys, just a couple more months…

BUT, the fact that it’s being released in such a long time means that the DVD might be promotion for the anime project. Considering it’s taking them a couple months to release this DVD, this anime project might be a big one… 

Ok, honestly. all I’ve ever been doing on my blog is setting expectations that are way too high and then being super disappointed later on. Like Sakuya singing in the Servamp Idol festival? Well, he was featured in one track, but he unfortunately didn’t sing at all. I basically am trying to hype myself for something that has a chance of not happening at all. But, you know what? It’s okay to dream.

tagging @crazyanime3, because I don’t think you know about this yet…

Gonna have to take a break from audio-response Revali Asks until I can re-calibrate myself to actually match his in-game sound. I’m getting too off-base with the voice via injecting my own style into it, and it’s beginning to detract from the authenticity. I want only the most legitimate efforts to be the ones you guys (and fans at large) receive.

Thank you to those who pointed out the inconsistency to me, and I apologize to anyone I’ve disappointed in the meantime if they found the voice to be lackluster. It is never my intention to half-ass anything I do when I am personally invested.

how to stay motivated

hey guys so recently I have had quite a few messages asking me how to stay motivated so I thought I would put it in one post so that people can see how I like to stay motivated and hopefully these tips help you too!


TIP #1 SET A GOAL

I feel like setting a goal is super important and this is my main source of motivation. I set little mini short-term goals and the odd long-term goal so I am surrounded by aims to get me motivated. 

So what is a short-term goal? A short-term goal is a goal that you want to set for the near future. The near future could be an hour, a day, a week, a month - but something that you can accomplish in a ‘small’ amount of time. Examples could include:

  • Getting up at 7am every morning and starting your work early
  • Reading a chapter of a book a day to improve your reading 
  • No chocolate for a month
  • No studying past 6pm
  • Keep a clean desk

A long-term goal is something that you want to reach but takes a lot longer to achieve. Long-term goals can include:

  • Going to university to study Law
  • Getting straight B’s in next years final exams
  • Landing a career in journalism
  • Gaining/losing X amount of lbs
  • Saving £X so you can go on holiday

I find setting a long-term goal can be helpful, but short-term goals are just as good. I have a long term goal at the moment to work hard and get good grades so I can go to university and study history. Whilst this is a good goal, I also need stepping stones to get me there and to keep that motivation flowing - these are my short-term goals: such as getting more organised for my final year, or getting an A on an essay I’ve written. 

Sometimes people don’t know what to do when they have to set a goal, but think slightly selfish for a bit and think about what you really want and how to get there. This sets up some motivation. I love having a goal because I feel like every small task I complete gets me one step closer to that goal of mine - almost like ticking an assignment off of your to-do list!


TIP #2 SCHEDULES AND TO-DO LISTS

Speaking of to-do lists, this brings me on to tip number two. I don’t know where I would be without a to-do list/schedule because without it, I would be an absolute mess. With having so much to do, it is impossible for me to keep a mental list of everything and writing it down helps so much!

Not only does it help me remember what I have to do, it also motivates me in so many ways. First of all, setting one up at the start of the day means that I know exactly what I need to get done and I want to get it done as quickly as I can, but without rushing it and so it makes me start straight away so I can tick things off of my list. 

This brings me on to the second reason why they motivate me so much - because every time you tick it off, you get an amazing feeling of satisfaction and relief that your to-do list is slowly getting smaller. Also, the amount of happiness it brings when you have ticked off everything you have to do is definitely such a good feeling and it is so amazing to know you have finished and you can now relax! Each time you tick something off, it motivates you to get the whole list done.

Schedules work in the same way, as you go through the day, there are less and less things for you to do and it makes you feel gradually more satisfied that you’re coming to the end of your work!

Pro tip: however, it is important to be realistic, if you set a to-do list with 15 things on it, it looks less appealing and you are less likely to do it. go for realistic lists that are long enough to keep you busy but small enough to manage!


TIP #3 BREAKING DOWN BIG TASKS INTO SMALLER ONES

This is actually quite simple and original but also helps massively and perhaps one of the most amazing things ever. If I have a massive chunk of homework for a subject, breaking it down into smaller tasks makes my life so much easier and saves me so much agro. 

Of course it isn’t always possible to break it down if your deadline is two days after it is set - but you can always break it down into two halves which makes tackling it seem a lot easier. 

I know some of my friends really don’t like doing this because they would rather just get it done and out the way, but if you are someone like me where motivation needs to hit me like a truck before I get work done, this can be a really good way to tackle projects and homework and isn’t as stressful. Whilst it might take slightly longer due to the breaking up of tasks, I actually find this more productive and makes things so much more manageable so I actually feel like I want to do the small task instead of the one large one. 

I break up the tasks and schedule these broken up tasks on my to-do list. For example, instead of reading a whole chapter and taking notes from my history books, I will just write ‘take notes from page X to page Y’ and it completely changes my frame of mind and makes me more positive.


TIP #4 DO THE TOUGHEST TASK FIRST

You probably must be thinking something like, ‘Jess you must be mad! why on earth would you do the hardest task first thats just the worst idea ever?!’ but honestly, this is something that can really change your mood and uplift you for the rest of the day - honestly, this tip works!

I completely understand that in a morning the first thing you are not going to want to do is that physics homework that entails you doing 3 pages of questions on oscillations and harmonic motion. However, doing the hardest task / things you don’t want to do first, not only makes you tackle it with a fresh mind after waking up (or after a break from school or whatever it is you were doing), but also afterwards, you feel more confident and motivated to get the rest of the things done which are more enjoyable and is actually more motivating because you have got the worst thing out of the way.

You also don’t want to not do it and then set it for another day, when you are probably going to procrastinate getting it done. Get it out of the way!

We all know that leaving an assignment you really don’t want to do until last is perhaps the worst thing you can do, as you take one look at it and decide you have had enough and need a break or some sleep. Prioritising this first means that you can get everything done without leaving the thing you didn’t want to do. 


TIP #5 YOUR SUCCESSES ARE IMPORTANT, BUT THINK ABOUT YOUR FAILURES TOO!

This one is a great one to bare in mind and this really applies to me at the moment and is actually where my main source of motivation has come from since the 18th August (results day!).

For me, getting great results is a massive success, and receiving results such as A’s and B’s makes me very very happy and much more motivated. It gives me a spark of inspiration to keep going to make sure that I keep that up! Whilst I know grades aren’t everything, they are really important to me and so this is why when I get very good results, they motivate me to keep me going to achieve more - and it ends up in a cycle!

However, whilst good grades motivate me to carry on performing at my best and to keep working hard, it is important that I understand my failures too, and so should you. A failure for me isn’t a specific grade as such, but where I am disappointed at myself for getting something or knowing I didn’t perform as well as I should have, or an unexpected failure as I thought I had done better than I did.

From these failures/mistakes, these also motivate me to do better next time, or to focus on improving myself and my technique to be the best I can be. Failures/mistakes can make you more motivated than what your successes can, because it motivates you to find areas of improvement and work hard and improve techniques so that you can get to where you want to be - you can get to that goal! 

Successes and failures are so important in receiving motivation. Not only do they provide you with something to keep you going, but they build you as a character and I think that is a lovely thing!


TIP #6 MAKE USE OF YOUR CREATIVITY

I find that since joining the studyblr community, I have found really nice ways to be creative and to make my notes look neater and more appealing for me to look at. This might seem to be such a silly little tip, but drawing simple doodles or fancy titles really motivates me. 

Whilst making my notes look more aesthetically pleasing takes slightly longer, I find it calms me with anxiety as I am being creative whilst I am working and it is a really great way for me to stay relaxed. So not only does it bring me motivation, but calms my anxiety too! Killing two birds with one stone!

This point doesn’t really apply when I am revising, a fancy title will probably do; and also when I am taking notes in class, I never bother; but when I am going over things or making flashcards, it helps to make things look more appealing so I am more likely to pick them up and go for them and learn. 

Some might disagree that this would actually make them less inclined to do work, but if you need to alleviate stress, get motivated or just want to make your notes look nice, then this could be for you!


TIP #7 BREAKS AND REWARDS!!

Breaks and rewards give you so much motivation whilst you are doing your work! I study and revise probably more than what is healthy, and so I like to make sure I have a nice break whenever I can because I work myself very hard. Sometimes, something can take me about 2 hours and so a half an hour to an hour’s worth of break can really help me before I start something else. 

You can try having a break every 45 minutes, every hour or two hours; but make sure your break really puts your mind at ease before you start work again. You need to make sure you give your brain a good rest. 

You can have a break or reward yourself by having a nice shower, going for a walk or to the gym, cooking, having a coffee and a biscuit, meeting up with some friends, going on social media, having a nap - whatever it might be, as long as you have that break you will feel so much more refreshed after! It also motivates you to get things done so you know you can have a break after you have finished your task and makes you feel compelled to finish it so you can relax!


TIP #8 GET HELP ALONG THE WAY

This is actually a really important point and can help maintain motivation in the long run. Getting people to help you can be a really good way to stay motivated. Tell people, such as your friends and family, about the goals you have set for yourself or that you are struggling to stay motivated and ask them to help you. 

My friends sometimes study with me and help me with things I don’t understand which can help maintain my motivation. When I finally understand something or I go over things with my friends, it can make me feel more confident and uplifted that I know things and spurs me on. Letting family know about your goals also helps them support you which is a really significant part of motivation, because if no one is there to support you, the will to carry on eventually disintegrates and you don’t want that! 

Make sure that you do have some support, whether it be from friends, family or the studyblr community, but ensure you are surrounded by people who can motivate you and who can help you along the way so that you can achieve these goals and keep you on target! Sometimes, motivation doesn’t come from the things you do, but from the environment that you’re in - which is why support and help is such a good source of motivation!


That is the end of the tips I have on how to stay motivated. Hopefully they are good starting points for you all! Let me know if you try any of these tips for a while and tell me if they have helped you, it is always nice to see what people think and if these things work - remember if they don’t, that everyone is different and different things work for different people!

thank you guys for all the support on this ! it really does mean a lot to me :< it’s very comforting to be validated by other people hhffkb

unfortunately people have been harassing me about my gender off and on ever since i started to get popular last year smh
i’ve heard it all and HONESTLY IM JUST.. used to this. i don’t care much anymore and i’m now a lot more confident in myself. I AM A CUTE BOY and idc if my gender doesn’t fit some rando’s “standard”. my father never accepted me as trans either and he was a complete asshole about it, always belittled me, threatened me, blamed it on my mother, now i don’t see him anymore and i could care less about him. 😊 if you think my gender and identity is up to debate and being nasty to me about it is alright UR A RAT and that’s that

i’m still early in transitioning but seeing trans specialist therapists and doctors is about all i can do rn. everything will be easier when i’m 18 and i can do things by myself CAUSE RN i can’t even get my legal named changed unless i battle my dad in court :c honestly when i was younger i didn’t think i was going to be able to wait this long and i thought i would never live to see the day things would change for me, i would cry myself to sleep literally every night. but i’m almost 17 now, and things are getting better and easier for me to deal with. i’m a lot more comfortable with myself and being myself nowadays too ! AFTER ALL IVE BEEN THRU I AM PROUD, and letting a snarky …anon.. bother me would be dumb at this point.
i’m just disappointed people act like this, it’s wrong and they should honestly just be ashamed they’re so low and petty lol

IM PROUD OF MYSELF !!! 💪🏻
SORRY FOR THE SPEECH

1x03 was bullshit

I’m sorry but drugging, handcuffing, and threatening a stupid ass teenage boy is not girl power. It’s literally the dumbest thing ever that people are trying to justify a boy writing down who he’s slept with being reason enough to drug him and threaten to “boil him alive” and then proceed to push his head under the water. What those boys did wasn’t cool, but neither was what Betty did. I did not feel empowered as a woman. I felt uncomfortable and ashamed. That wasn’t justice, that was vengeance. It was vindictive and creepy and cruel. I get that they did it to exhibit and further introduce Betty’s mental issues and instability, but fuck, stop glorifying what she did. Just because a show talks about feminism (purely because they know that teenage girls will eat that shit up by the way) doesn’t mean it’s being represented in the right way. I myself am a huge advocate for feminism, but tonight’s reaction to the show was disappointing. The end result, them getting kicked off of the team, great, awesome, perfect. They deserve it. But threatening their lives is too much. And it’s fine that the threatening was in the show. It’s fiction and who cares? It was a great way to show how fucked up Betty is, but glorifying it like it was totally reasonable is absolutely absurd.

Dear Tumblr

Due to the recent activity By CEO, Mr. David Karp,

who donated a sizable amount of money to Planned Parenthood, a controversial organization of whom many people, such as myself, are opposed too,

I have decided to Un-support Tumblr in my “edit theme” -> “advanced” option, as well as possibly privatize or delete some or all of my tumblr accounts.

I am very disappointed in Tumblr for this action, and have thus taken these actions, as well as encourage others to take similar action as well.  

I’ve mastered the art of telling someone a little about me and making it sound like a lot.

I’d tell a fact or a few about my past and capitalise on that. Usually people think they know me or have me figured out which makes me laugh but I stay quiet. I have told probably a handful of people who I am, some I do regret and others I don’t. I’m not gonna front, it is what it is and I’d like to keep that way. The person who I will open up to about my past and myself is either dead or not born yet because I’ve been disappointed way too many times to have that type of conversation again.