i am disappointed in myself too

anonymous asked:

This fandom is so exausting,every new charcter is a LI,or giving them more importance then they are gonna have in the show,they make this rom trope of separate the main couple and saying in our noses putting in front of us a lot of clues and leads basically preaparing both fandoms for bellarke but no we only see the - or expecting the worst for real if they do this with the show dear god with the real life,can barely imagine,enjoy the journey becuause the slowburn is closer to end soon.

True it’s very ship focused. I’ve really had to learn how to do this shipping thing and, to be honest, it’s not the best way to analyze stories. It gets your emotions too tied up so you can’t see the text/canon as well. Your biases and desires take over. You miss things. 

Whenever I go into a first viewing with my ship goggles on, I am disappointed. If I go in open minded, I enjoy myself. THEN I am free to rewatch later with my shipgoggles and replay all the emotional beats and sit there rewinding hugs and heart eyes and I REALLY ENJOY IT. 

It’s not that shipping is a problem, it’s the emphasis we put on shipping that gets us confused and disappointed. And that goes when we’re shipping our OTPs or against our NOTPs. Because the anti perspective is the same kind of bias. You want ONE thing and nothing else will satisfy. 

I’m not going to tell people to stop with their romance centered interpretation, but I can’t let it take over my perspective, because then the show gets all confused in my head and it doesn’t work anymore and I am hurt when I don’t get what I’m looking for. 

It’s hard for me because I get a lot of ship centered questions. Because I DO ship Bellarke, and I love it. But I didn’t come to ship them because I loved them, I came to love them because I was open to the story being told. (and then I saw the way he looked at her and I was like, wait what now? and I let myself be drawn in.)

sometimes you need to accept that yes i may have been a little bit manipulative. yes i worded something in a specific way that would make my friend/fp/SO feel a bit guilty. yes i could have handled that situation in a much better way. yes i am wrong.

How is it possible
That a single human being
Could fuck you up so much
And make you feel as if your self worth has diminished
up to the point where you don’t even have confidence
Or believe you can find someone to make you happy

I wonder if you know,
how exactly you have broken me
How I look in the mirror and think,
I am not good enough.
I stare at myself and truly believe
no one will ever love me
at least not as much as I love them,
because I give too much and that is just exhausting.

I get anxiety all the time,
at the thought of you
At the thought of ever loving someone
The way I loved you.
Of getting attached
because I fear they will all become you,
constantly disappointing me.

I don’t have confidence anymore,
I can’t even talk to someone else
because I don’t think anything I say will be good enough
But I am fucking good enough
You just made me feel that I could never be.

I’m afraid of the world because of you,
Of people like you
That act so selfishly and call it,
“Making myself better”
When in reality
You’re a shitty indecisive person
That cannot let go of the one person
Who gave you everything
And you realize a little too late,
they are all you’ve ever wanted.

But guess what,
I’ve know that for a long time.
I’ve known you were all I ever wanted,
the sad part is
You changed.

You are not the person I fell in love with.
And I’m not the person you feel in love with

I am the person you destroyed
but I will also be the person
that will find happiness,
without you.

—  basically word vomit
Understanding a Shame Based Identity

Shame is the deeply held belief that, at core, there is something wrong with me. So, no matter what I do, or how hard I try, I’ll never measure up and be good enough. Thus, I expect other people to reject me in the end, and deep down inside I reject myself.

If I have a shame based identity, I am likely to battle with the following feelings:

- Feeling like a fraud

- Feeling like I have to cover up all the time

- Fear of being exposed for who and what I truly am

- Feeling powerless

- Feeling as if I don’t have, or deserve, a voice

- Wishing I could just disappear

- Feeling vulnerable

- Feeling very needy – and perhaps too needy, compared to other people

- Feeling like I always disappoint myself and others.

The “shame bound” person is constantly struggling against these persistent and negative feelings. They are triggered easily, and by innocuous triggers, such as being overlooked or contradicted by a friend. This can then result in a powerful “shame attack” that is so intense that we’re completely paralysed, and overwhelmed, by a sense of worthlessness. These feelings can persist for days, for weeks or even months.

  • someone: you were pretty good at that thing, why'd you stop doing it?
  • me internally: I get extremely anxious when I think about doing something I might possibly succeed at because I base my self-worth on my achievements and other people's approval, I am afraid because I know I will never be able to live up to my own unrealistic expectations, I hate making mistakes because they make me feel worthless, I take negative feedback too personally, I feel immense guilt over not doing things that I've been avoiding which just makes me avoid them more, I feel ashamed and inadequate due to how difficult it is for me to stay committed to anything, I'm worried that I'll just end up disappointing myself and the entire world, and I am convinced that if I failed I would literally die.
  • me externally: idk i guess i've just been kinda busy lol
Camren 2017: They’re So Obvi

Okay. First let me apologize for the delay in getting this theory out to you guys. The last few days have been crazy busy. Secondly…grab a bowl of popcorn and warm cup of tea…this is going to get interesting. I’m sure the skeptics will try to refute any and all evidence I am going to provide in this post. So, “screw you in advance. don’t like it? don’t agree? ignore it. please don’t insult me or my fellow munchkins”. Now that all the preliminary stuff is out of the way…

Camren is alive in 2017. I believe that Lauren and Camila are not only on good terms but also seeing each other on the low again. Crazy right? Hard to believe, I know but the evidence I’ve gathered has me convinced. I’ll start with the release of Camila’s CITC and IHQ video and single. Camila released her debut single CITC on May 19th…two days before on the 17th I came across this photo…

I’m not sure if she followed the Camren account on the 17th or if she followed them along time ago, but I think it was recent. It showed up in my recent suggested likes and posted the same day I found it.
Then on the 19th, the day CITC was released, a photo of Lauren was posted to a stylist IG wearing a wig with bangs…

Not a big deal for most. But my delusional triggered camren mind sees the wig with bangs as a nod to Camila and the release of her single and her new hairdo. I get it. I’m reaching super far with that one right? Well when was the last time we saw Lauren with bangs in a photo? (where she wasn’t a toddler) And the photo happens to post the day Camila’s first single debuts? Coincidence? If you’ve been in this fandom long enough you know that word doesn’t exist.  On May 16th before the picture of Mani following the Manip Squad surfaced and before the Lauren wig pic posted another screenshot surfaced. 

…on the 16th Camila posted some snippets from her music video and supposedly Lauren liked the video. Speculation says that Mila deleted the third video clip because Lauren “accidentally” liked the video. 😏 we know how Lauren likes to accidentally like things…funny how her likes are only accidental when it comes to Mila. Camila is well into her press tour for both her new singles and on the 19th of May after the successful debut of CITC, Mila did an interview with Power 106 FM…

https://youtu.be/4M95O9N_lyw  (link to interview)

in the interview she clarifies the interviewer that her album is NOT about boys…now I know that can be interpreted many ways. But if you’re singing about experiences and relationships and you say the album isn’t about boys (I’m sure she will discuss some 5H things but not for the entire album) then who is the album about Mila? Sorry to inform your representatives…but I think your gay is showing. 

Okay, still hanging in there with me? Excellent. Let’s keep going. On May 21st, Camila made her solo performance debut performing IHQ and CITC at the 2017 Billboard Music Awards…she killed both performances. 😩🙌 Anyway…some of her red carpet photos surfaced and there are some inexplicable scratches on her arms that kind of look like they could have come from a dog or cat.  And who recently got a puppy named Leo? Lauren, that’s who. And who also has a dog named Leo? Camila, that’s who. Lauren was definitely around when Camila got Leo so I’m sure she knew what naming her dog Leo would do to this “delusional” fandom of ours. Don’t believe me about the scratches? Check out the photo.

Now some poor overly dramatic souls speculated that Mila was self harming…😒 smh. Sometimes this fandom is just too much. They are clearly scratch marks from a small animal. Also, since we’re the talking about the BBMAs, MGK and Halsey were there looking very close and cuddly and “coupley”. And I think its very funny that they are both VERY CLOSE to both halves of Camren. I mean come on…do you really think they don’t have the tea? MGK refers to Mila as his sister and Halsey is a die hard Lauren supporter and fan. The pair (halsey and lauren) have gotten super close recently after their collaborative project of Strangers. Which is a bop and I fall in love with it more and more every time I hear it. I feel like with MGK and Halsey being as close to Camila and Lauren as they are if the two (camren) weren’t getting along wouldn’t that cause issues with MGK and Halsey too? Ever hated someone your best friend or significant other like? It will definitely cause tensions to rise. I just want MGK and Halsey to spill all the tea about their double dates with Camren LLS…since Lauren spilled the tea all over Halsey’s carpet its only fair she return the favor…😂😏.

Then on the 27th of May like clock work….Ty$ and Lucy came through to distract us. Ty$ liked a provocative pic of Lauren’s… You guys know the one😏. And Lauren went like crazy on his page too. I wasn’t surprised or derailed by the interaction seeing as how all signs have been pointing to camren since a couple days before the release of Mila’s debut single. Then…supposedly Lucy did an IG live where she was asked to stick out her tongue if Camren was real…or something like that. And she did. 😮 Now I did not witness her doing it. But I have a screenshot of the request and Lucy responding with her tongue out 😜

…but again. I can’t confirm if it happened exactly like that because I did not see the video myself.  

With all that being said. I can say that I am thoroughly convinced Camren is alive and well in 2017. I’m sure I missed a ton of stuff as my personal life has been kind of hectic over the last month or so. But May has rewarded us for sure with Camren indirects/proof. Let me hear your thoughts? Do you agree? Why? Do you disagree? Keep it respectful but tell me why. Did I miss something? Help me fill in the blanks. I hope this theory wasn’t disappointing or too far fetched. I’m just relaying my thoughts on the current Camren situation. Don’t be distracted by Mila’s hetero narrative or Lauren’s PR BS RS…lol. Nothing can Kill Camren. Its the cockroach of Relationships. Their connection will exist long after the nuclear holocaust and Zombie apocalypse. 😂😂 IT’S CAMREN YO!!!

PSS: FOR SOME REASON ALL THE PHOTOS AREN’T SHOWING ON MOBILE DEVICES. SO I SUGGEST READING THIS POST ON THE COMPUTER SO YOU CAN SEE ALLTHE JUICY DETAILS. 😘

I Got You On My Mind [Part 4]

Jungkook Soulmate AU (Angst)

[Part One] | Previous Part | Part Four | Next Part

Summary: After your memory loss, adjusting back to normal life has been difficult. Luckily, Jungkook is always there for you. Still, something seems off about him, and you just can’t understand why.

Word count: 2k words

Originally posted by jungxook

“Oh yeah, I’m being discharged tomorrow,” you told Jungkook, who was pushing your wheelchair through the hospital. He insisted that you needed a change of scenery. “My parents are going to pick me up and drive me back to my apartment.”

“I-I guess it’s too early for the ‘meet the parents’ thing, right?” Jungkook stammered, uncharacteristically nervous. “Unless you want me to. Like, I don’t mind if–”

“Chill, Jungkook,” you laughed, cutting his off his rambling. “I think they’re more worried about my brain damage than any soulmate business.”

“The doctors said you’ll recover your memories though, right?” Jungkook asked, worry lining his words. “Your memory loss won’t be permanent or recurring?”

“They said my memories will come back slowly,” you replied, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly. “But most of the time, the memories will have to be triggered by something. They also told me I might have short-term memory issues for the next little while.”

“That seriously sucks,” Jungkook said. “If you need any help with anything, just let me know. I don’t really know how I’d be useful, but don’t hesitate.”

“We’re not in the same department,” you snorted, turning to peer up at your soulmate who was both familiar and foreign in this instant. “This is gonna make school so difficult. I’ve forgotten nearly three months worth of content!”

“Maybe take the semester off?” Jungkook suggested. “Amnesia is a pretty valid reason. Have you talked at all to the university?”

“No,” you groaned, sinking into the wheelchair. “I don’t want to think about responsibilities right now. Just marvelling in the fact I’m still alive and kicking.”

A silence fell between you and Jungkook as he pushed you through a more crowded area of the hospital. You noticed a few younger visitors visibly gape at Jungkook, then glare at you jealously as you rolled by.

You agreed with them–how was Jungkook so damn good-looking? You hit the soulmate jackpot, for sure. Still, even if he looked different, you didn’t doubt that you would like him just the same.

“You know, it’s pretty crazy,” you blurted out unthinkingly. “I’ve been talking to you my entire life, and I always thought meeting you would feel like meeting an old friend. But honestly, you’re a total mystery to me right now. Maybe it’s because of the memory loss, or maybe other people feel this way, too.”

“No, I know what you mean,” Jungkook responded quietly, trying to figure out how to express his thoughts properly. “It’s just…we have an idea of who our soulmate is in our heads. When they’re not exactly that person, it’s kind of confusing.”

“And I’m sure there’s a lot of stuff we still don’t know about each other,” you agreed. “Honestly, I tried to make myself seem a lot better than I am.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jungkook laughed, though it sounded a bit off. You brushed it off as embarrassment. “Didn’t want to disappoint you.”

You turned your head and looked up into Jungkook’s eyes. “You couldn’t have disappointed me Jungkook, really. I’m just happy to finally meet you,” you replied, giving him a small smile. “And it’s kinda paradoxical, isn’t it? Disliking your own soulmate. Weren’t we, like, made to like each other?”

“I guess,” Jungkook said, staring ahead unwaveringly. He pushed you down another hallway, which led to the cafeteria. You only knew because of the wafting smell of hearty food was growing stronger by the second. “But nothing’s ever that simple.”

“Don’t I know it,” you sighed, laughing a little in spite of yourself. You turned the corner into the bustling cafeteria, the noise of the crowds deafening compared to the near-silent, depressing halls of the hospital.

“Want to grab something to eat?” Jungkook asked, the heaviness of your conversation vanishing before you could even blink. “I was going to grab something for myself, too.”

“Sure, I’ll have whatever you’re having,” you agreed. Out of habit, you reached down to pat your pockets for your wallet. “Oh shit, I don’t have any money on me. Don’t worry about it, then.”

“It’s cool, it’ll be my treat,” Jungkook said. When you turned to look at him, he was giving you a lopsided smile.

“Then, is this our first date?” you asked cheekily, delighting in the way Jungkook’s cheek burned. You never expected that a guy like Jungkook, with this terrible fuckboy persona, would be so easily flustered.

“If you want it to be, sure,” Jungkook answered, coughing into his hand awkwardly. You just laughed, and Jungkook pushed you forward wordlessly.


Life at home after getting discharged made staying in the hospital seem like an amusement park. After being sentenced to bedrest by your parents–and having Jieun enforce it with an iron fist–you spent your days bored out of your mind.

In only one week, you had binge-watched three shows, reread all of your course notes (and they didn’t help you remember anything), and read more manga that you had ever read before in your entire life.

You were positively itching to get outside and do something, but what bothered you the most was that you hadn’t talked to Jungkook since your “first date.” When you had gotten home, you jumped to charge your dead phone, which miraculously hadn’t been destroyed in the accident. But when the device finally charged, you soon realized that you had no way of contacting Jungkook.

For some reason, his phone number wasn’t saved in your contacts. Even though Jungkook had said you had met before, apparently you hadn’t exchanged numbers. That seemed very strange to you.

When you asked Jieun about it, she just shrugged the question off. She said your situation was a bit complicated, but that she’d have to leave it up to you and Jungkook. But Jieun did say that she would mention it to him when she saw him at school next.

Sighing, you reached for your phone beside you. It was still early in the morning. Time had lost all meaning to you, since you spent every moment of the day trapped in your apartment. A bit bitterly, you watched your friends’ Snapchat stories and longed to return to normal daily life.

Suddenly, your phone began buzzing. You dropped it in surprise, and it landed on your nose. The impact stung, and you cursed, reaching clumsily for the phone. You saw an unflattering picture of Jieun illuminate the screen. Eventually, you were able to answer.

“Hey, what’s up?” you asked, rubbing your hand against your sore nose.

“Y/N, I’m so fucking stupid!” Jieun practically screamed. Wincing, you held your phone away from your ear. “I know you shouldn’t be moving around, but I need you to come to the university right now. I’m working on a group project that’s due in two hours and a bunch of our files got corrupted. I have some stuff backed up on my laptop, which I left at home like an idiot!”

“Don’t worry, I can bring it to you,” you reassured quickly. “I won’t fall into traffic on the way there. It’s like a ten minute walk, so don’t worry.”

“Just don’t strain yourself, okay?” Jieun ordered, the panic still evident in her voice. “Don’t go to quickly and look both ways!”

“Hey, only I can make fun of myself,” you quipped, pulling yourself out from underneath the covers. “I’ll be over soon, I just need to get dressed.”

“Okay, see you soon. Thank you so much, Y/N,” Jieun said, and the both of you said your goodbyes before you disconnected the call.

You glanced down at your pyjama bottoms and at the thick cast over your right leg. Changing pants would be a battle for another day. Unsteadily, you stood up and balanced your weight on your unbroken leg. You reached for the crutches leaning against the wall beside you and tucked them underneath your arms.

As quickly as you could (which was not very quick), you had thrown on a clean shirt and a jacket. Your hair was a mess, so you shoved on a beanie to disguise the tangled frizz. With Jieun’s securely laptop in your backpack, you began the trek to school. Suddenly, the journey seemed incredibly long.


When you finally arrived on campus, you were panting lightly and sweating. You made your way into the music building, relatively unfamiliar with its layout. You detached yourself from one of your crutches and reached into your pocket for your phone. Quickly you sent Jieun a text letting you know you were here.

There were a few benches in the foyer, so once you hobbled over to them, you set your bag down lightly and placed your crutches against the benches. Flopping down, you discreetly tried to massage your sore armpits.

But you were glad to finally be out of the apartment. The fresh air made you feel infinitely better.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice called. Your head whipped around in the direction of the voice. Jungkook a few meters away from you, looking as dark and intimidating as ever. His wide-eyed expression kind of ruined the image though. “What are you doing here?”

“Jieun forgot her laptop at home,” you replied, pointing to the backpack at your feet, as Jungkook made his way toward you.

“Shouldn’t you be at home?” he questioned, stopping when he was standing in front of you. You craned your neck to at him properly. “Is it okay for you to be walking around so soon?”

“Please, don’t get started on that,” you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut. “My parents and Jieun are unbearable. I’ve been lying in bed doing nothing all week.”

“You know, that honestly sounds like heaven,” Jungkook joked. “I’m so swamped right now. I haven’t slept in days.”

You inspected Jungkook more closely. His eyes were ringed by purplish dark circles, but they were hardly noticeable. How unfair–he always looked good.

“Hey, why haven’t you talked to me all week?” you asked suddenly, narrowing your eyes at Jungkook suspiciously.

“I was meaning to call or text or something, but I don’t have your number,” Jungkook answered sheepishly, scratching the nape of his neck awkwardly. “Didn’t know how to ask for it, since you haven’t been around campus lately.”

“Why’s that, though?” you continued, glancing down at your feet. “I mean–you said we met before. Why didn’t we keep in contact?”

“W-well, we did meet, but it wasn’t a proper conversation,” Jungkook explained stutteringly. “It wasn’t under the most normal circumstances, but–”

“Y/N!” Jieun’s loud voice suddenly interrupted. She burst into the foyer, looking absolutely frazzled. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were bloodshot, and you were pretty sure there were coffee stains on her shirt. “Thank god!”

Your friend ran over to you and practically dove for your backpack. She grabbed her laptop and hugged it tightly against her chest.

“Thank you so much. I’m so sorry I made you come all the way here,” Jieun cried, sounding frantic still. “Are you okay? Sore anywhere? Go home right away, okay? You need to rest. And please don’t tell your parents!”

“Oh my god, I’m fine Jieun,” you whined. “I think I can handle walking for, like, two minutes.”

“I just don’t want anything to happen!” Jieun insisted, stomping her foot childishly. “We’re speeding up the recovery process by being extra careful!”

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever. Go work on your project and try not to fail.”

“I will,” Jieun replied. “I’ll bring dinner on my way home.” She turned, only spotting Jungkook for the first time. Her eyes narrowed and she frowned slightly. “Jungkook.”

“Jieun,” he replied, just as shortly.

You looked between the two of them, wondering why there was so much tension. It looked like they were having a silent conversation, and you hated not knowing what was going on. You had the suspicion they were hiding something from you–but for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out what, exactly.

Eventually, Jieun just nodded and strode away, leaving Jungkook with a tight expression. Visibly, you could see Jungkook try to shake away the tension, his jaw unclenching. When he turned back to you, his features were schooled.

“Give me your phone,” Jungkook said, reaching out his hand and smiling softly. “I’ll add my number.”

- Girl in Luv

Okay, so this one was a bit filler-y. Originally I had planned to make this one angsty too, but I figured you guys could use the respite. Also, it would have been like 4k words and it’s like 2:30AM and this girl needs to sleep. Anyway, stay tuned!! Thanks as always for reading, and I hope you all enjoyed. Your replies and reblogs/tags are so cute I read them all 💛💛💛💛

Imagine being Professor Snape's apprentice and him protecting you from Professor Umbridge

(I just got too inspire from a hc that was sent in XD hope i did it justice and you all like it :D Gif not mine/found it on google/credit to the original owner.)

You were called into Umbridge’s office again this time this week and this time it seemed she wasn’t going to let you off so easily.

The woman was accusing you of using magic to distract the others while in her class and you couldn’t believe it. Clearly, someone was setting you up and you just didn’t have any of it.

You started to argue with her and after opening your mouth to say one thing against her methods, your realized how utterly screwed you were. The old hag silenced with a glare and sudden smile.

1000 lines it was for you and 1000 lines you wrote. The marks in your hand from her quill had engraved into you so much, you knew they were going to last for a terribly long while.

As she released you, you cursed the wretched woman under your breath and made sure to hide your embarrassing punishment under your sleeves.

Your friends who waited for you by the stairs, quickly went to join you. They asked you countless of questions and you were quick to dismiss them. You asked for the hour and soon enough, realized how late you were to your next lesson.

Although, classes were over for the day, you still had your private potion lessons with professor Snape to attend to. Quickly, dismissing them away, you ran down the stairs and just hoped he was still there waiting.

~~~~

For as long as you could remember, you always had a love for potion making and had from the start of your years at Hogwarts, you begged him to let you learn more and let you help him.

After being so persistent about it, your work finally payed off and he had offered you the apprenticeship you wanted so badly. Your tasks were rather simple, it included brewing some potion, putting ingredients away in new jars, cleaning up the potion room and in exchange professor Snape would give you extra insight in the world of potion making.

At first, it was pretty awkward, him being cold and a little too blunt. He would have a habit of pointing out all your wrongdoings and would rather barge in to handle things himself rather than explain to you carefully.

Surely, you ended up adapting to him and learned to read from his expressions and sighs to correct yourself beforehand, and oddly enough you grew to be right with each and every one of them. Slowly, he became less stuck up with you, nodding in praise and even letting you know you did great and so on.

Your relationship with him became less strained and even in his own classroom, as eventually you were regarded as the only one he had absolutely nothing to say against.

With you being so hardworking and trustworthy, he got used to your frequent company and couldn’t deny he was somewhat attached to you.

~~~~

Noticing the first few minutes pass, he bit his lip in slight annoyance but kept his calm, trying his best to not get too worked up by your sudden and slight tardiness. He moved himself to go work on some stuff beforehand and tried to forget about the time for the little while.

However, soon enough, alone and bored, the few minutes started to become a good hour or so and he was starting to get worried rather than grow angry from the situation.

It was truly strange of you to not be on time, he knew something was keeping you up at that point, certainly he couldn’t ever imagine you missing out on a lesson on purpose, even when you’d be more than sick you’d show your head up and make him have to practically walk you back to your room to keep you from staying.

Certainly something was up and he knew he had to figure it out. Getting up from his seat, he moved towards the door as calmly as he could, collecting his thoughts on a clear and reasonable explanation for this.

As he opened the door, he felt his heart jump in and his eyes widened in surprise to see you so sudden. Out of breath, you pushed him out of the way and quickly got in, preparing yourself to start brewing some potions.

“I’m so sorry, Professor! I-It wasn’t my intention to keep you waiting for so long! I just forgot about today…”

Looking at you back, he frowned at your last words. “Forgot”, impossible he thought, if anything you had every set out date in your notebook and you would even write it out on your hand in the morning just to be sure.

He knew something was off with you, you weren’t yourself. You seemed too distraught and nervous and he had yet to open his mouth.

Trailing his gaze down, he noticed how you kept avoiding showing off your hands as you’d take out the needed ingredients and how you kept them closer to yourself more than usually.

Following your movements, he finally caught a glimpse of something new with you. It was too weird of a sight to see you with gloves all of a sudden and he knew for sure something was up. He approached closer to you, being careful with his steps to not just scare you away and stealthily reached to your shoulder.

Gripping onto you, he made you turn around to finally face him. His eyes went down to your hands and quickly you tried to hide them behind your back. Growling, he tried to force your arm out.

“Y/N…I don’t think you forgot about today…But rather something was keeping you…”, eyeing up from your nervous gaze to your hands.

Reaching down to your wrists, he pulled your hand up, forcing you to look and explain yourself.

“You really expected me to believe that you had forgotten about today…”

You shied your gaze away from that remark and were truly cornered. You didn’t knew what to say properly, feeling like letting him know of what happened would disappoint him a little too much.

From that simple look, he knew you wouldn’t say anything more and he finally had his opportunity. “Take it off…”

“Professor I-”

“Take. It. Off. Y/N…I am not repeating myself…”

With his authoritative gaze upon you from higher up, you sighed in defeat. Doing just as he asked, you slid your glove off the hand he was holding you from, exposing to him your newly fresh scars from your punishment.

You could feel his grip tightening the instant he caught sight of the little red marks. Darkness was filling his eyes and you swore you felt anger coming from the way his grip shook. He knew exactly whose work it was and just couldn’t believe she even dared to lay a hand on you.

There was no way he was ever going to believe you ever did anything wrong, even to her. Gritting his teeth, he pulled your hand closer and traced his fingers along the scars. Feeling and seeing how deep they were, he was fuming at the thought of yourself writing lines and lines, going through such punishment for something you surely hadn’t done.

“Why…”, he asked, wanting to know how to confront the old woman.

~~~

Staying silent for a while, you took a deep breath. From the way he held you, his tone and his gaze you knew you could trust him enough with the truth. As you explained the misunderstanding there was between you and her, he slowly let go of your wrist.

Turning away from you, he made a quick move towards the door, slamming it open as he walked out. Surprised, you jumped and yelped at the sudden outburst.

Registering what had just happened, you realized his intentions and quickly rushed out yourself.

From it had seemed, he was already quite far ahead. He walked as fast as he could, and from his stance and the way he’d stomp, it was clear to everyone who happened to be near by that he was in a hurry to confront someone.

They all made way for him, not saying a word and avoiding his stern gaze. Even the stairs didn’t dare to change as he climbed them up.

You tried your best to catch up to him, and ended up having to run after just to catch a glimpse of him. Finally, you caught sight of him walking towards Professor Umbridge’s office and from the down the hall you tried to beg him to come back.

However, you were too late and already he barged in, slamming the door right behind him. At that sound, the others had grown too curious to not want to know as to what was going to happen.

They all moved in closer to you and to her office, gathering around and trying to keep quiet to listen as to what was being said.

“Professor Snape?!”, the woman yelped at the unexpected visit and sudden slam of her door.

“How dare you enter with no permission?! I did not inv-”

Not caring an instant about her, he moved in closer, towering above her as she sat behind her desk. Frowning and glaring down at her, he snapped.

“What the hell are your intentions towards Y/N?!”

Hearing your name, she faked her ignorance, “I beg your pardon, who?”

“Y/N L/N…”

From the way he said your full name, she realized she couldn’t hide her intention and simply decided to let her thoughts about you known, trying to convince him to her side.  

“Oh that little brat…Enjoys playing jokes a little too much so I gave her what she deserved-”

Not believing for an instant her excuse to have punished you, he groaned in disgust under his breath and staring at her with disdain for even daring using such words to describe you. 

Soon enough he couldn’t stand her anymore with her insolence towards you, he slammed his hands down to her desk, startling her. Cutting her mid sentence, he raised his voice over hers. “You listen to me carefully! And make sure to understand me because I won’t repeat myself!”

He leaned in closer and growled. “The next time I ever see one more scar on my apprentice, Y/N, L/N coming from your stupid quill…or any sort of punishment you can come up with…I’ll make sure it’ll be the last day you’ll ever be seen alive…”

His cold gaze fixed upon her own, he could see the sudden terror in her eyes from the warning he gave her. Smirking arrogantly, he leaned back, straightening himself up.

With nothing else to say, she had to let the man walk out. At his words, everyone outside had gasps and oddly enough your friends kept patting your back and giggling between them from the whole situation.

As the door opened, they all stepped away and tried to act like they hadn’t heard the whole conversation and how defensive he was about you. Your gaze met his as he stepped out. Not caring about the others around, he nodded you over, telling you to hurry and join him for your lesson.

Following his footstep, you couldn’t help but smile, thinking to yourself about how protected you actually were.


Tags : @mad-boggart, @bexholtzmann,@angel-with-broken-wings, @nekodalolita,  @jokergirl26, @zombie-zayde@Erikaaferns, @ecurrier109, @purplemuse89, @fandomwritingismylife, @ichimaruai, @nekodalolita,@samwinchesterhasbeensaved, @happyshaddow94,@master-of-schadenfreude, @my-youth-is-my-own

we get it, you’re gay.
my sexuality is not a shirt that I take off at the end of each day, it is not dirty. I do not dress myself in lesbianism just for the fashion perks; homophobia is not in style. i am not a living light switch, I do not turn myself off to solve all your problems, my light will not go out because it’s too bright for you.
we get it, you’re gay.
if I stop talking about it, it will not go away. I would say I am sorry to disappoint but I am not sorry, I am gay, I am very gay and I am not sorry for who I am, I am only sorry that you have a problem with self-liberation and confidence.
we get it, you’re gay.
I can tell when someone is uncomfortable and my sexuality is making you uncomfortable, you are upset that I am comfortable in my own skin, you are upset that I am comfortable with the fact that I love girls and you are uncomfortable about the fact that I won’t shut up. you can’t silence my sexuality, actions speak louder than words.
we get it, you’re gay.
you don’t mind that I’m gay you just don’t want me to be too gay, because being too gay is distracting. you want me to be quiet gay, nice gay, understanding gay, your-gay-friend gay, let-you-get-away-with-everything gay. I can like girls but I’m supposed to whisper that kind of thing, not shout it. the neighbors aren’t supposed to hear.
we get it, you’re gay.
you say you understand, but you’d rather just push it under the rug. it’s okay if I’m gay, but I shouldn’t rub it in your face. you don’t mind, you say, but you can’t help but notice how many people are gay these days and you assume it must be some kind of practical joke. I am not a joke, my life is not some riddle, do you see me laughing? this is not funny.
we get it, you’re gay.
oh, I’m just rebellious, I’ve been told. a rebellious teen confused by the media, so tell me, where is my army? where are my hundreds of thousands of lgbt soldiers, ready to fight this war on love? we stand united but we are not armed, because if we bring the weapons we have guaranteed ourselves a two-minute five o'clock news slot, tragic tragedy, one-more-gay-gone, let’s save the world, let’s save the gays.
we get it, you’re gay.
“lesbians have ruined flannels for me” because the community was supposed to ask for a style after you denied us basic human rights? I’m sorry gay girls have ruined plaid for you, but it never looked too great on you anyway. maybe you should stick to solid colors; if you put too many shades on one shirt, it might look like a rainbow and someone might accidentally think you’re gay. can’t have that.
we get it, you’re gay.
don’t annoy the straights! eyes wide open, avoiding ticking bombs of discrimination, it happens all the time but there’s no way to prepare yourself for hate speech coming from the mouth of your mother or your teacher or your best friend. I bite my tongue to keep from coming out but you’re just so sure that you can trust me, I’ll get it, no offense, no hard feelings, I will understand.
we get it, you’re gay.
I am not going to hit on you, just because I like girls does not mean that I like you, I love myself and I love being gay. do not make my sexuality about you, my life does not revolve around you. I’ve undressed in front of you my entire life but now you insist on changing in the next room. you don’t say it, but I know. I’m not a friend, I’m a predator.
we get it, you’re gay.
you can ramble all day about how that kid in your physics class is just to die for, but the second I mention that a girl in my history class is cute then all eyes are burning holes into my skin. you don’t have to bring your gay with you everywhere, leave it at home most days, it’s too embarrassing to share.
we get it, you’re gay.
I don’t look gay enough, I’ve heard. do I need to carry a sign with me everywhere to broadcast that I Am Not Straight, I am g-a-y gay, rainbows all over my body and in my back pocket, just so you can see?
we get it, you’re gay.
oh, but you tell me that I am not gay I am not gay because I am a girl that likes girls, I can only use the word lesbian. I didn’t know that I erased my name tag and handed it to you, I didn’t know that you were in charge of what I called myself, I didn’t know you were allowed to police my labels; I never asked for your opinions but that never stopped you anyway, do you understand?
we get it, you’re gay.
so, by gay, do you mean really gay or just a little gay? lipstick lesbian, three-way fantasy, am I right? what stereotype would you like to claim, or would you prefer that I choose?
we get it, you’re gay.
truth or dare has always been a death sentence for me, and anyone that says that party games aren’t lethal doesn’t know pure poison, I grew up drinking venom from vodka bottles because alcohol was nothing to a child on the run. so explain to me why I would stop now.
we get it, you’re gay.
in every wedding aisle there’s a “mr.” and a “mrs.” who’s the man in the relationship, they’ll ask us, nothing about us is traditional but they’ll insist we wear white anyway. marriage equality, what else are you fighting for?
I get it, you’re straight.
you’re the cool straight friend. you’re the best straight friend any gay person could ever have, asking for fashion advice and introducing me as your “gay friend.” you say that you have a pretty great gaydar, and you knew all along. do you also know that I want you to shut the fuck up?
I get it, you’re straight.
capital s “Straight,” straight as a telephone pole, straighter than a ruler. so straight and everyone knows without you saying a word because you people are everywhere. you’re on cereal boxes and billboards and in every television show. you’re the main character but we’re just there for a little drama, an episode or two, and then we’re gone.
I get it, you’re straight.
you have never had to come out of the closet because you were never in one to begin with, you own the entire house and didn’t even give us enough room to be. has anyone ever told you how dark and crowded a closet is? it is so hard to breathe with so little space to exist, I’m surprised my thoughts didn’t suffocate me over the years, would you have even noticed?
I get it, you’re straight.
you’re a girl and you like boys, only boys. I mean, everyone experiments in college, right? everyone loves that song, I kissed a girl, because everyone loves just to give being gay a try without the weight of what it really means. it’s not cheating if it’s with a girl, right? right?
I get it, you’re straight.
no homo, bro! holding hands, sharing drinks, making eye contact, it’s not gay, no homo. just two pals being gals, no homo, don’t worry, we’re straight!
I get it, you’re straight.
you have learned how to hate since the moment you were born. no worries, I have been too, but I unlearned heteronormativity so I could fall in love with myself. you preach it every sunday in church and every weekday at work, you learn that serving me is optional, that you can turn me away because you don’t like who I love.
I get it, you’re straight.
lets talk about me as a topic of class discussion, I am the focus of today’s debate, go. argue your stance. do you think this girl at table three should have the right to get married, the right to adopt, the right to buy milk, the right to exist? do you think this girl at table three is just trying to fit in? do you think the girl at table three should be allowed to go to prom? tell me, let’s talk about the girl at table three, no harm done.
I get it, you’re straight.
you are in every book I’ve ever read. the love stories are always about you, how can you expect me to grow up and not feel flawed? these novels teach me to hate who I am, it’s a miracle in and of itself that I’m still here.
I get it, you’re straight.
“there’s a war on straight people,” excuse me? we are just beginning to come out of the shadows because the earth is only now a little less haunted and you have the audacity to say that you are the ones under attack?
I get it, you’re straight.
every step we take is monitored and broadcast for the world to see. you are just a person allowed to make your own decisions but everything I do respresents my entire community and there is no space for me to make mistakes. I am not perfect but I am trying.
I get it, you’re straight.
you say that me being gay is not a big deal to you, it could be anyone, no big deal, not at all. but it’s a big deal to me, this wasn’t an easy thing to say. why should I silence myself, am I overreacting?
I get it, you’re straight.
there’s no rule book for being an ally and sometimes the borders become a little blurred, it’s easy to cross a line. I will help guide you but I will not hold your hand. I cannot always be there to watch the words that trickle out of your mouth, you have to remember that I am a secret.
I get it, you’re straight.
please stop talking about me like I am the latest news story, I am not a headline in big bold font, sometimes I just need a moment to breathe. I have these words printed into my skin just like a newspaper and I’ve never been more black and white.
I get it, you’re straight.
what’s it like to be gay? oh, you know what I mean, so when did you know? which girl turned you gay? why did you lie to us, how many times have you done it with a girl, what about with a guy? how can you be gay if you’ve never done anything? can you ever really know? what if it’s all a phase?
I get it, you’re straight.
the words we identify ourselves by are your insults. they lock us up for holding hands, they criminalize and sexualize our daily activities because they don’t want us corrupting the children. I’ve spent my entire life in an invisible prison with see-through shackles, this is on my permanent record.
I get it, you’re straight.
have you ever considered that my backpack is heavy because I have to carry the weight of your judgment to and from school every day, I have to carry a fire extinguisher in my lunch box because these toxic words are flammable. I might break my back but at least you don’t know.
I get it, you’re straight.
what’s it like to be “normal”? to never have to deal with the undercover I’m-sorry-for-you stares from the kids in the hallway, the I’ll-pray-for you promises spoken by nice ladies in their sunday best?
we get it, you’re gay.
when I’m telling my love story I do not want to lie. I will not censor the pronouns to protect the innocent because my happiness is not guilt-ridden. I am leaving this book open.
—  we get it.
New Workout Schedule

I am very disappointed in myself because I have not been working out and I have been eating horribly, thanks mental health and grief! Anyway, I like planning things so I made myself a new workout schedule and hopefully it’s something I can accomplish and won’t hurt my hips too badly.

Sunday- Yoga
Monday- Run (C25K)
Tuesday- Yoga
Wednesday- Lift
Thursday- Yoga
Friday- Run (C25K)
Saturday- Yoga

I’m hoping that putting yoga after hard impact days will lessen pain on my hips.

Now to actually follow the plan…

@whatever company picks up the sonic comics

hello! i have been a fan of the archie sonic comics for quite some time. there’s been one thing in the fandom that’s been pressed for a while. one im very dedicated to. i absolutely loved the archie sonic comics, and im sad to see them go, but im also excited to see what you bring us!

onto one small thing the fandom has been thinking about.

for the longest time, sally and sonic were dating. this dates back to the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon (SatAM) where they were also a couple. This has led to much debate before, people who wanted Amy to be Sonic’s lover were fighting those who liked Sally. Sadly, while Sally had her own interesting traits, as both a strong princess and the true leader of the Freedom Fighters, she was mainly seen as “Sonic’s Girlfriend” and nothing more.

Then, SEGA, trying to stop these shipping wars, told all the companies working with them one small rule: Don’t have Sonic officially have a girlfriend.

So, the soft reboot in the Archie Sonic comics happen, and Sally and Sonic aren’t dating anymore. Cool, alright. However, despite this, people STILL just saw Sally as Sonic’s girlfriend.

You’re probably starting with a fresh, clean slate. I BEG you to keep big characters who were comic-exclusive afloat (Sally Acorn, Nicole the Holo-Lynx, Bunnie D’Coolete, Antoine D’Coolete, etc.} as many people DO love these characters, and the thought of never seeing them again is quite disheartening.

And with Sally, you’ll have her as a semi-new character. Still with all her traits, although she’s not dating Sonic anymore. So, if you guys DID want to have a big couple Sally could be in, its a challenging thought. But you guys have the ABILITY to give her another partner, try to detach from the concept of Sally just being Sonic’s girlfriend. Maybe even do new, giant, radical things that would change the perspective of your guys’ comics in a big way.

And there’s one character, Sally’s best friend, who has so many small hints to being in love with this now-single Sally.

These two’s connection, Sally’s and Nicole’s, have been connected heavily, especially after the soft reboot. You can say that I’m just a shipper, but there’s a lot more than that. I myself am a lesbian, and there’s so little representation for girls like me in comics and other sources. It’s getting better, yes, but it’s still disappointing to see how little I can relate to characters and their experiences with love.

I see myself in Nicole’s and Sally’s interactions, and many other girls who are lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc. do too. There’s already lots of things that connect them in a way that’s more than “just friends”, and you guys are the one thing that could possibly remove Sally’s stigma of “Just Sonic’s Girlfriend” away, while making many comic industries also consider adding more LGBT+ representation in their comics.

And if you want more, Ian Flynn, in his podcast, has stated that Sally and Nicole being in a romantic relationship could be a good idea, if it weren’t for the fanbase and their stigma towards Sally.

You don’t have to make her attracted to Nicole, but she’d be an easy and plausible choice, but if you guys add new characters, there could sure be more things to see and come by. I hope you take this into consideration, if you see this.

Signed, your local desperate lesbian.

Aurors at work
  • Draco: She smiled at me.
  • Ron: No she didn't.
  • Draco: Of course she did! Your eyes are as bad as your brain, Weasley!
  • Harry: Well, she did smile, Ron. I don't know why, but she did.
  • Draco: She is in love with me.
  • Harry: That is debatable.
  • Draco: No, it isn't. You'll see.
  • Ron: Hermione will never fall in love with you, Malfoy. She hates you.
  • Draco: Well, you hated me too. But we are friends now.
  • Harry: 'ahem' colleagues.
  • Draco: Same thing in my book. But whatever you guys say doesn't matter. Hermione has started to fancy me.
  • Ron: I will kill myself if that ever happens.
  • Draco: Oh, no need of that, Weasley. I will be disappointed to lose such a valuable jester of my court.
  • Harry: You are not a king, Malfoy.
  • Draco: Yes, I am. And you are my minister and Hermione shall be my queen.
Never become too comfortable

I’ve been meaning to write this for a couple months now, but could never bring myself to it - Probably because I am disappointed in myself. I had a Tumblr before, but was perviously out’ed by someone who knew me on another SM platform, and I was a part of the SB IG community. Anyways, onto the post… I learnt this the hard way, and I don’t want anyone else to make the same mistake that I did. From February-June 2016, I had a vanilla BF, three sugar ‘BFs’, and was seeing other men as well. I was literally making over $20,000+ a month. If you want to know how I did it, lets just say, sometimes I had to go on 3+ dates a day. The worst part was pretending that I was hungry, meal after meal (LOL - three meals a day, back to back sucks). I met a man that I named “Oyster POT” from my IG posts (May 2016), and he was providing me $10,000 a month - it wasn’t easy, and he always wanted to talk, but that’s expected I guess. It was very time consuming and exhausting, so I dropped all the other SDs I was seeing. THAT IS WHERE I WENT WRONG, I became too comfortable! Fast-forward to November 2016, Oyster POT ended up being very ill, and he told me he can no longer support me. I already burned the bridges with the other sugar daddies. If I did not burn those bridges, the land developer BF would be proposing in a couple of months (we were together for nearly 2 years), and I would be set for life. The moral of the story is… never become too comfortable. As cliche as it sounds, people change, and things happen. Protect your ass. 

As we all know, humans are one of the most ever-changing things out there, therefore, business with humans may not be consistent. 

Shit my friends and I say: text edition!

[ text ]: I only shaved one of my legs! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FUCK HIM WITH ONLY ONE SHAVED LEG?
[ text ]: I was literally too tired to masturbate. I’m so disappointed in myself.
[ text ]: remember that time corbin bleu made a cheesy early 2000s music video but was still hot af
[ text ]: nO ONE CAN KNOW HOW MANY TACOS I CAN EAT
[ text ]: PICKLE RICK BITCH
[ text ]: I WILL MAIL YOU A TACO IF THAT LETS YOU TELL ME WHEN THE LAST EPISODE IS ON
[ text ]: I mean fuck Walmart, bro. Their toy section sucks.
[ text ]: But like, you can’t go fighting trees, fam. The trees will win
[ text ]: I AM A TACO MONSTER
[ text ]: bruh. my mcdonald’s installed the machine order thingies so i no longer have to talk to humans when i want a mcflurry
[ text ]: bro don’t be an actual cannibal
[ text ]: I can’t promise not to get arrested but I’ll do my best
[ text ]: That said, I don’t care. Ted Cruz is the zodiac killer.
[ text ]: I just accidentally threw my phone at my face
[ text ]: I’m currently being circled by wildlife for my pastries
[ text ]: And by friends you mean pastry poachers, right?
[ text ]: i mean you hate pants — it’s a logical assumption :P
[ text ]: Fun fact, inheriting tons of money also means having to plan for your death
[ text ]: who the fuck is catcalling my girlfriend, i will END THEM
[ text ]: i haven’t shaved my legs since last summer wHY IS CATCALLING HAPPENING
[ text ]: Give me a landmark u shit, that’s how I navigate
[ text ]: Interesting. You will explain the menu and we will choose something exciting for me.
[ text ]: I’m at a strange event where I’m being paid to pretend to be celebrities.
[ text ]: I’m mostly polite!! Unless I come across truly stupid people then I give no fucks
[ text ]: I AM AN ICON IN THEIR EYES
[ text ]: I tend to go into most things these days with an open mind and low expectations
[ text ]: I tend to go with machete, blow torch and bazooka

what i say: im fine

what i mean: why cant i enjoy things unapologetically? why do i always depreciate myself to others? im always on defense because im constantly terrified of rejection. the only people who i should be afraid of rejecting me are the people i love and i should only love people who dont reject me. there are so many integral things about myself that i shame myself for because someone, someone who should not have influence in my life, told me to be ashamed. not only do i need to allow myself to love myself for who i am and who i know myself to be, but i need to start expecting people i meet to enjoy and accept me, so that when they dont, they wont be fulfilling my own prophecy, but they would be letting me down, disappointing me. it is not my responsibility to conform to please them, it is their responsibility to be courteous and respectful of me. i am my number one priority, my happiness is most important, not some stranger i talk to at a bar, not a friend who laughs when i fail. why am i rushing to serve others when i constantly neglect myself?

Dragons

This is going to be a long story. 

Some of you, those who have been following me for a while or seen me at conventions, know that I am *trying* to branch out into designing toys rather than just making them. There are a lot of reasons for this, primarily so that I have time: time to design new things, time to rest, time to do literally anything other than crochet delightful sea creatures - you get the gist. 

It’s not that I don’t love making things, I do. And I’m certainly not going to stop making things; I’m pretty sure I can’t, to be honest. But I have to admit that it would certainly be much easier on me, at least for my wrists, to have sewing machines do most of the work. 

So. The dragons. 

I finally made enough money to get a run of plushies made, and I decided to start with my red dragons as my first line. Dragons were one of my most popular items, but they were a lot of work to make, so I figured they would be perfect as plushies. 

I decided to go with Gann Memorials for my production. Now that I’ve already made my mistakes, I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I should never have partnered with Gann, but since nobody felt the need to tell me anything about them previous to my giving them quite a lot of money, that’s who I went with. I did have one person tell me that they were “skeevy”, but since she wouldn’t go into any detail or even use any other words to describe them, I assumed her issue was personal in nature and dismissed it. I wasn’t planning on spending time with these people, I reasoned, just entering into a business arrangement with them. I don’t care if they’re skeevy. I care if they’re competent. 

Well, now I know. 

We began in July of 2015, a year and a half ago. I made the initial phone call (which was grand, because I have social anxiety and calling people on the phone is one of my least favorite things to do). Chris Gann (hereafter Chris) was a genial guy, very much a salesman - but, since I was looking to buy things from him, that was pretty much what I was looking for. We set up an account for me. Promises were made, verbal assurances; they specialize in quick turnaround for orders, I’d have them in less than three months (assuming that I don’t take forever making alterations, of course), they have very high quality standards, et cetera. 

A few days later he set up a Basecamp account. Basecamp is an app for communication between people working on a project together. I can definitely recommend it; it works out beautifully for that precise thing. The account was started July 27. 

So far, so good. 

On August 11, he sent me the first sample images. They needed some tweaking, but I was starting to get excited. I made my recommendations and he went off to relay them to the production team. 

On August 19, he sent the second sample images. These were very close. I accepted this version:

Cute, right? I think it’s cute. Grumpy, but not off-putting; now that I have a little more experience under my belt, I can see where I would make further changes, but it’s still very cute.  

September 1: Chris tells me that the dragons will be shipped to me in October. 

September 7: Chris informs me that these guys are going to need tags. I hadn’t thought about that, but I whip up an acceptable tag design (it’s not great but it’ll work) and send it off to him two days later. I don’t hear back from him until October 2nd, when I ask for a shipping estimate; Chris assures me that they’ll ship by the end of the month. 

October 21: Chris asks me to approve the tag design that I had sent him. I’m a little confused, but I approve. The day after, I approve of the shipping mark and I start to get myself emotionally prepared to receive a large shipment of toys. 

October 29: I check up again on the time frame. Chris says he’ll ask. 

November 2: Chris says that they’ll be shipped by the end of the week. 

I want to point out here that Chris told me they would be *delivered* by the end of October, not shipped at the beginning of November. I’m a little unhappy with this, but you know, things happen. Whatever. I’ll probably shop around for the next line of plushies due to this delay; he hasn’t lost my business forever at this point, but neither has he pleased me to the point where I would go with his company again as a matter of course. 

November 5: Chris sends me pictures of the final product. There’s not much in the way of variation from what I had already approved, so I assume all is well. He also tells me that I’ll be getting extra product on their dime. I am pleased by the prospect, as that would mollify me about the delay. Unfortunately, it turns out not to be true. 

Novemter 18: I receive the boxes. I do not believe in putting things off, so I opened them immediately and went through my product, counting and sorting carefully. I am widely dismayed by what I find. 

I ordered 350 dragons. It’s a small order, in the way of these things, but it was what I could afford. I did receive exactly 350 dragons, but they were not what I had approved. Every aspect was correct and acceptable *except* the most important part of any mammal, toy or not: the face. In this case, the eyes. Of the whole order, 17 dragons had split seams (not a big deal, I’m handy with a needle and I understand that they underwent significant squishing in order to fit them into as few boxes as possible to make shipping affordable); 46 were correct, as in their eye placement and shape were in a range close to what I had approved of; and a whopping 286 of them had what I have to call drastically incorrect eye placement. Here’s what I mean: 

The eyelids are too low and placed at the wrong angle, making it look sleepy (still sellable, but not what I paid for). The eyelids are, by the way, glued into place. 

These eyes are totally wrong (and, may I remind you, glued into place, so I can’t fix it without cutting the eyes out completely). That’s just… wrong. 

This guy has to be my favorite. One eye is significantly larger than the other one and has been placed about a quarter inch higher; the eyelids are entirely wonky - and still glued into place. 

Dec 3: Chris tells me he is trying to work things out with the factory; I send him the above images for clarification. He says he may just have me keep what I received and he will replace the entire order on his dime. 

I am, at this point, entirely depressed. I feel like a failure. I have a certainty that this issue will not be corrected, and even if it is, it won’t be corrected in anything like a reasonable time scale. I feel that I have wasted a very large sum of money and way too much time and it makes me angry and hugely, vastly, deeply disappointed. 

January 5, 2016: Chris asks me if the appearance of the dragons I received is somehow different from the sample I approved. I wonder to myself if he has working eyeballs, or at least knows someone who does, but I respond in the affirmative and re-send all of the pictures, including the one I approved for reference. All of these pictures are still in the Basecamp account. All I have to do is scroll to look at these exact same pictures, but I send them again anyways. I also ask for honesty, here; if he’s not going to fix this, please at least have the decency to tell me about it so I can move on with my life and not have to expend my energy trying to get something done here. 

January 7: Chris takes umbrage at the notion that he might just possibly not bother to fix these glaring mistakes, as he is nothing if not forthright and good. I point out that the delivery took much, much longer than he had initially told me, and that the extra product that was supposed to be included with the shipment never showed up. 

January 8: Chris says that he  misspoke about me getting extras; there will not be another box forthcoming, he was mistaken about that. He does graciously allow me to keep the gigantic pile of unsellable, wasted material that they sent me, and promises that he’ll have the dragons remade at his expense and the issue with the eyes will definitely be fixed in the next batch. (This also turns out to be untrue.)

January 9: Chris tells me that the next batch will ship out after the Chinese New Year. This makes sense to me; holidays always mess up shipping times, and these are travelling across the planet, after all. I settle down and assume they’ll be here in six to eight weeks. 

April 20: This is more than six to eight weeks, you will notice. Chris tells me to expect a shipment some time late next month. I have given up on ever seeing these damn things. 

September 23: Chris sends new pictures for approval. It has been over a year since the first time I went through this process; I was told that I would have them in under three months. Over a year. I’ve moved to a different state by this point and yes, I was snippy. I pointed out that in the FIVE MONTHS since I last heard from him, my address had changed. 

I liked the new ones. These looked angrier. If I got dragons like these, I would be able to sell them in exchange for money. 

November 16: Chris asks me for my delivery address. Again. I ask if this indicates that they will be shipped soon, but there’s no response. 

January 10, 2017: Gene Gann, another employee of Gann Memorials, informs me that I should expect my shipment by mid-February. 

February 8: Gene asks me for my phone number, which I supply, so the shipper can get into contact with me to set up a delivery time. 

February 15: The shipper calls me. We set up a delivery time. 

February 17, 2017: I receive six boxes full of dragons. They have the same qualities of the first batch, only there are more of them this time. Four - I repeat, four - are correct, in that they match the above picture. A further 189 are in sellable condition, looking sleepy or disappointed rather than angry but otherwise having no defects. 27 have split seams, only three of which I bother fixing since the other 24 have devastatingly bizarre eye placement. 303 dragons go into boxes with glued-on, incorrectly placed, wrongly sized eyes. 

In the end, I’ve received a total of 243 dragons that are in a sellable condition. Only a small portion of those actually resemble what I ordered. 589 dragons can only be sold as misfits. I put some in grab bags, feeling guilty. I see them in trash cans at conventions and can’t really blame anyone. 218 dragons, which should have been sold at a profit to fund the next line, are utterly unusable. I have scrapped them and am using their stuffing to fill other projects. 

I am bitter about the entire thing. I am angry. I am never, ever going to do business with Gann Memorials again, nor will I recommend them to anyone, as I cannot with good conscience do so, because if they had an experience anything similar to mine I would be wracked with the most horrible guilt. 

I *am* going to try again. As tempting as it is to simply give up, to assume that there is something lacking about my character, that there is something about me that makes things like this happen, I won’t do it. I’m saving up for another line of plush toys. I am shopping around for a different company to work with. 

My hands are tired and my blood pressure is high, but I’m still going. 


(I want to put in a disclaimer that I am not assuming anything about the personal morality of Chris or Gene Gann. I do not want them attacked or thought of in any wrong way because of how all of this went down. This was a business deal, and sometimes they go sour. This could have been a series of misunderstandings, mistakes, communication errors, unfortunate events, what have you. I don’t know what’s going on in their lives. These are things that happened, and they will affect who I do business with going forward, but I don’t assume that these are bad people. I don’t think I could encourage anyone to have a business relationship with this company and these people, but if you want to have a beer with them, I’m sure they’re very nice.)

Weakest link

Here you go. Enjoy. 

Words: 1,5 k

Request

Can you do a Elijah imagine where the reader are together but she isn’t as strong and she likes to keep to herself most of the time and he admires her when she was Practicing fighting and then she breaks down Bc she feels like she is wasting their time and he goes and comforts her? Love your work!!!!

Changed it a little I hope you don’t mind

Originally posted by klopehybridss


I was turned only 100 years ago. That might sound like a lot for some people but the people I live with are 1000 years old. Since I moved in with the original family I have felt small and weak. I was in good hands with the family and they took great care of me but I couldn’t shake the feeling of failure. I loved these people and they loved me but the more I got to know them the more I felt like I didn’t fit in.

“Okay let’s work out. Everybody in the backyard 10 minutes” I heard Klaus call from downstairs. I was in the room they had given me when I moved in. I didn’t want to change the room because I still didn’t feel like I owned it. Rebekah disagreed with me and then took me shopping. I wanted all the cheapest furniture since the Mikaelsons were buying it but she wanted me to get whatever I thought would fit and whatever I liked. I ended up with a lot of black and red stuff since those were my favorite colors. I’m really happy she made me do it because since then I’ve been feeling like this was my home.

“Y/N come on” I heard and it was first then I realized that I had been staring at the wall for a good 5 minutes. I decided there was no way out of this work out so I got myself up. I tried to think of any good excuse to get out of it but I couldn’t think of anything that I hadn’t used before. I didn’t feel like my body and my mind were connected for the first 4 steps until I almost fell and got back to reality.

“Okay so let’s do Klaus and Hayley Kol and I and Rebekah and Y/N,” Elijah said. A big part of me hoped I would end up with Hayley since I was closer in strength with her than Rebekah.

“Could I be paired up with Haley instead,” I said hopefully. They all turned around to look at me with confused expressions on their faces.  “I just think we have to work on the same stuff,” I said more quietly this time. I really felt like I had a million eyes on me. In that moment I felt like a little girl who was lost at the mall. Like I was 2 inches tall and could be stepped on every second of every day.

“No Klaus and Hayley are both hybrids and it would be good for them to train with each other. Plus I think they have some bottled up anger towards each other.” Elijah said and got ready to fight Kol. I got myself to get in fighting position across Rebekah who gave me a sweet smile. I tried smiling back but I’m sure it looked weird and forced and not like I was actually enjoying myself at all. Rebekah leaped at me and hit me straight in the stomach. I fell to the ground without having even taken a hit at her. I groaned loudly and clutched my stomach trying to sooth the pain. Rebekah reached her hand to me and pulled me up.

“Here if you block her by turning the opposite way her punch will make her vulnerable instead of you. You then hit her arm to the ground and push on her back so she goes tumbling down” Elijah explain when he noticed that I hadn’t gotten very far in my attempt to fight Rebekah. Before I knew it they were all watching Rebekah and I. My heart started beating really fast and I’m sure they heard it. Rebekah tried the same move and just like before I wasn’t fast enough and got hit. Elijah put his hand out for me to take but I didn’t take it. I got up and looked down embarrassed.

“You know what. I feel like I have fallen enough for today. I’ll just go” I said before running away from them. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew I couldn’t be in that house. I ended up at this coffeeshop I once went to with Hayley when she was pregnant. She always craved their burgers so we would come here almost every single day. I sat down at the booth furthest away from the doors or the windows. I wasn’t really hungry or thirsty but I knew they would throw me out if I didn’t eat so I order an Ice tea and some French fries. The food came but I couldn’t care less. I didn’t even eat anything and I only had about 2 sips of the drink. Why couldn’t I be strong like Hayley or Rebekah?. Or brave like Kol, Elijah, and Klaus. I was always the one hanging in the back. There were rumors going around about how I was powerless and The original family only took me in because they pitied me.

“You gonna eat that” I heard from behind me. I didn’t need to turn around though I already knew who it was. Elijah freaking Mikaelson.  

“Always the hero I see,” I said sarcastically. “What are you doing here, how did you find me,” I asked before lifting my head up to look at him. Elijah moved to sit across me in the not so comfortable seat.

“Hayley told me. Look I know being around us is hard. We aren’t the most easy going people but you aren’t either. I don’t see what the problem is”  Elijah said. A waitress came over to see if he needed anything but before she could open her mouth I opened mine.

“Go away,” I said to her. She looked a little scared and a little- pissed off but left anyway. “The problem Elijah. I don’t get it. You took me in with no reason. You take care of me for no reason. You help me with all my problems for no reason. I don’t get why you do it. Rebekah, Kol, and Klaus are like siblings to me. Hayley is my best friend. And I just don’t understand why I’m with you guys. I’m not as strong as any of you I’m weak. I don’t have any power.” I complained a single tear ran down my cheek.

“Why would you say that. You’re the strongest one of us. Maybe not physically but emotionally Y/N you can handle anything. When we took you in you were a lost little girl looking for somewhere to stay. You were falling apart but we helped you get yourself back and since then you have been the strongest.” Elijah said with

“I don’t see it like that,” I said letting out a little sob. Elijah got up and moved to sit next to me. He put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. I leaned my head on his shoulder and relaxed a little more. I had always had a soft spot for Elijah. He was so caring and loving and a part of me always wanted to kiss him. Wait did I like Elijah. No, I couldn’t. Did I.

I LIKE ELIJAH.
“Before you said that you felt like Hayley was your best friend and that Klaus, Kol, and Rebekah felt like your siblings.” He said. I looked up and nodded at him. His hands went to lift me from him. I let out a little whine not wanting to lose the touch. I felt so happy in Elijah’s arms. “What am I to you,” He asked. My heart started beating a little faster. A part of me wanted to confess that I liked him and another part wanted to play it cool.

“You’re my friend,” I said trying to calm myself down a little. His eyes were filled with disappointment and he looked like he expected something his different. “Okay no. I don’t see you as a friend at all.” I said and the disappointment became more evident. “I like you” I whispered. Even though I knew he could hear me but I wished he didn’t.

“I like you too,” He said. My heart stopped beating for a second. At first, I thought it was a joke but when I looked up I saw the sincerity in his eyes.

“You do. But I’m so damaged” I said without thinking. He placed his hand on my cheek and leaned in to kiss me. His lips were soft and the kiss was gentle. It only lasted for a few seconds but it was the best seconds of my life.

“Not to me,” He said when we pulled away. A small smile spread across my lips and I leaned in to kiss him again. “You’re perfect. Nothing about you isn’t perfect to me” He said when I pulled away from him.

“What about the others”

“What do you mean,” he asked confused as to what I was referring to. I laughed a little at his confusion.

“Do you think they will be okay with us,” I said quietly.

“I don’t care”

You’re my weakness

Plot:  jungkook scenario where you argue and he says something hurtful and you try to break up

For anon 

illi

Originally posted by mayfifolle


He never hurted you, not intentionally.

But now..maybe it was time to end things there.


A few hours before


-Why are you always late?

-I’m getting ready and I am not always late

-let’s just say most of the time then

You laughed while he helped you getting your dress on, you had to go to this fancy dinner with the other members and the Pdnim.

The restaurant was really cool all reserved for you, the Big Hit entr. Was reunited to celebrate BTS last comeback and all kills, as always. Your boyfriend Jongkook was shining as usual in the room and you felt so proud of him it you couldn’t stop smiling.

At that point a guy, tall with black hair approached you asking if you wanted something to drink, he asked you nicely so you just smiled back a him and said you were ok..But he didn’t stop talking to you, he kept getting close, way too close to you.

You weren’t scared but you started wandering where your boyfriend wee and when the guy placed a hand on your hips making you flinch he magically appeared and grab your wrist taking you close to him.

-Kookie hei, sorry man I had no idea she was your girlfriend

-You better just leave

You looked at him while he was boiling in anger and tried to make him relax drawing cirlce on his back.


When you got at home he was still mad but you couldn’t understand why, so you just pretended nothing happened.

-Want some water before going to bed?

You asked while he was changing his clothes- he didn’t answer so you just started changing too.. you couldn’t reach the zip of your dress so you asked him for help

-Why don’t you go to that guy instead?

-Excuse me?

-What can’t you understand what I am saying now? Or you’re just playing dumb?

-Ya Jungkook I know you’re tired and stressed and that guy didn’t help but why is it my fault?

-If he hit on you it’s because you made him believe you were single

-WHAT?!

-Ya Y/N are you dumb??

-You better shut the fuck up

-Why???  Cause I am telling the truth?? You think I didn’t see you standing there smiling at everything?? You looked so happy in that fancy restaurant.. Did you finally get what you were waiting for? Money? Fame? Well you’re welcome..

You slapped him . For the first time ever. And he said nothing, he just looked at you and smirked, like you was just an annoying girl looking for attention

He took his clothes off and just went to your bedroom.

You couldn’t cry, it was so out of the blue that you had no idea f how to react, you promised yourself to never let any man make you feel like he owned you, like you should thank him for being the successful woman you are. You did all by yourself, you studied hard and worked harder and he knew that, that’s why it hurted more.

You slept on the couch that night and when you woke up he was already gone, so you did what you had to.. you took your clothes from the wardrobe, your make up, every little thing you owned and just left.


A week later you were still sleeping in a hotel, not even a text from him.

Instead Jiinie, Tae and the others kept calling you and texting you asking what happened and where were you, but you decided not to tell them.


You were walking back at the hotel after work, it was dark outside and it looked like it was starting to rain so you tried to walk faster..there was nobody around and you were a little scared.

You heard some footsteps and voices of man coming behind you so you decided to ignore them, they walked by you and turned around


-Hei sweetie you look so good

-Yea, where are you going?

-Wanna have some fun?

You looked at the floor, trying to ignore them when you felt a hand on your shoulders

-Let me go

-Why? We can have some fun!

You closed your eyes, fear not letting you move and then..

You heard someone grabbing you and the mans running away.

You recognized him, how couldn’t you? Just his smell were enough to make you feel more comfortable.

He hugged you and kissed the top of your head while you covered your face in his chest

-I am so sorry

You started sobbing, still scared to death

-I am so sorry my love, I will never leave you alone again

He whispered, and you could feel his voice cracking while he was talking

-I am so sorry I should have protected you but I made you run away

He tried to pull away from the hug but you stopped him

-Don’t .. please I am so scared

-Sure, let’s go to the hotel before it starts raining ok?

As he said that the first rain started to drop.


You arrived at the hotel completely wet, you were still holding his arm.

He helped you taking off your clothes and prepared a bath for the both of you, he washed your hair and changed you in some night clothes while he stayed in his boxers.

The two of you were on the bed, he was hugging you and caressing your hair while looking at you.

You were starting to felt asleep in his arms, who felt so safe.

-I am so sorry Y/N.. I know that I was wrong and you shouldn’t forgive me now but I will wait until you do so.. I don’t want to leave you again.

-You are so stupid

-I know, you’re so strong and smart that I have no idea how you could be my girlfriend

-I don’t know either

-I know you won’t forgive me now.. but can you think about it?

-I will..I won’t throw away 2 years of relationship because of a stupid argument but you have to gain again my trust

-I will

-Jongkook I never felt like you made me feel that night.. you know? I felt so miserably, you treated me like I was nothing and I can’t forget it

-I know..I am so sorry I disappointed you.. I don’t know what happened

-You better work on this and fix it..  because I won’t give you another chance.. not because of this. I love you but I love myself too.. I have to respect myself as a woman first and you have to do it too

-I know.. I am really sorry Y/N.. can I sleep here tonight?

-Sure..cause I don’t know why but nobody makes me feel safe as you do..and that’s why I can’t let you hurt me..you’re my weakness

Player: Sidney Crosby – Pittsburgh Penguins

Prompt:

Mentions: Evgeni Malkin, Kris Letang

Warnings: Cheating, Angst, Curse Words, Drinking.

Preview: The calls from your mother and Sid’s mother, as well as Catherine and Anna just showing up at your house around lunch with sympathetic looks didn’t help the situation either. You were hurt, embarrassed and angry. But the hours dwindled down all your feelings, now somehow you were calm.

Characters: 1275 words.

Originally posted by ohhhdreamer

You sighed putting your phone down. You rocked your son as your three-year-old daughter ran around the room. Sidney was due home from his road trip any moment now. For once, you didn’t want him home. Not after today. You heard the front door open and your daughter ran for her father.

You stayed in your spot in the living room and continued rocking Noah.

You heard Sidney greet Maisy in the doorway. You could hear the dejection in his voice. He knew you knew.

He walked into the room and looked at you. You could see the hurt in his eyes but you didn’t care. The constant vibration of your phone couldn’t let you forget what he had done. He opened his mouth to talk but you put your hand up.

“Not Now.” Was all you got out.

Sidney just nodded and turned back to Maisy. He followed her to her room, so she could show him her latest artwork.

You weren’t far behind. You walked upstairs and put Noah into his crib, praying for him to stay asleep. You jumped at the beeping phone in your pocket. You left the nursery and walked across the hall into your bedroom. You pulled your phone out, but you already knew what you were going to be met with.

There on your screen, another random person had tagged you in the same picture. A picture of your husband up close and personal with a random girl in a bar. It had been happening all day. Apparently the Pens had gone out to celebrate their latest win and Sid did a little more than celebrate.

The calls from your mother and Sid’s mother, as well as Catherine and Anna just showing up at your house around lunch with sympathetic looks didn’t help the situation either. You were hurt, embarrassed and angry. But the hours dwindled down all your feelings, now somehow you were calm.

Sidney walked into the bedroom after he had finally gotten Maisy to sleep.

“Y/N…” he started.

“Don’t. There is no sense in even trying Sid. How could you?” you asked calmly.

“I don’t know…”

“Sidney. I would do anything for you. I moved out here, I had your children, I handle everything so you can focus on hockey and how do you repay me? You cheat on me with the first girl you can find at the bar? I can’t even process what has happened.”

“Y/N. I wasn’t thinking, I got drunk and I was missing you…”

“Missing me? That’s how you handle missing me?” you scoffed.

“There is no excuse for this Y/N. I am sorry. It won’t happen again.”

“All I ever did was love you.” You stated softly sitting on the bed.

“This is the worst thing I have ever done. The darkest thought I ever had. You said you would stand by me through anything. For better or for worse. This is anything Y/N. This is worse.”

You just looked at him, tears pooling in your eyes. You studied the hurt on his face that matched your own.

“Well. Yell, scream, say something. Anything”

“I never thought the worst thing you would ever do, would be to me. I want you to leave.” You finally stated.

“Y/N…” he started again.

“No. This is my home. This is our children’s home. I will not have their lives disturbed any more than they already are. I want you to pack a bag and I want you to leave. We will figure something out with the kids until I figure out what I want to do next. The ball is in my court now Sidney.

Sidney just nodded heading to the closet to pack his things. You walked down to the kitchen and finally let the tears escape that you had been holding in all day. You poured yourself a glass of wine and gripped onto the kitchen counter. You allowed the sobs to rip through you as you listened to the front door open and shut.

You wanted to get out as much as you could before morning, you had to be fine before then. You finished half the wine bottle and you were simply dry heaving now. You wiped the tears from your eyes and headed upstairs to your bedroom. You laid in bed and when you felt the empty side to your right and the slight scent of Sidney, a new wave of tears you didn’t know you had hit you.

Before you knew it, you were standing over your bed and your sheets were scrambled all over your room. You rubbed your hands over your face. You kicked the sheets into the corner and sighed. You laid back down on your now sheet less bed. You cuddled into one of your pillows and cried once again, until you fell asleep.

You were awakened by a tiny finger pushing your face.

“Mommy, Where’s Daddy?” your daughter was asking and you felt the lump in your throat.

“He had to go back on another trip for Hockey Baby.” You answered quickly, hoping she would buy it. She nodded and jumped down from your bed.

“Can we watch the games?” She asked.

“Of course baby.” You mentally thanked the heavens for DVR.

“Mommy were you crying? Do you need ice cream?” She asked, quirking her eyebrows.

You forgot how much Maisy noticed, it was hard to get much past her.

“I just miss daddy is all.” You smiled slightly getting out of bed and heading for the nursey.

Noah was up and stirring but he was a calm baby. You picked him up with a smile and Noah gurgled back up to you. You headed downstairs, your daughter in tow.

You were almost halfway through breakfast when you heard the front door open. You weren’t ready for another round with Sid. You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding in when the Malkins and Letangs walked into the kitchen.

“Uncle Geno!” Maisy ran from her place at the table and up to Geno who immediately scooped her up.

“My little printsessa” he quipped sending you a look.

You cleaned up the table as Kris walked over and rubbing your back.

“I am fine everyone.” You answered before anyone could start. As long as the kids were in the room you knew you were safe from the conversation. You knew it was coming. You three had become the great couples of the team. Well were the great couples.

Maisy had run off with Alex and Noah was now asleep in his rocker, Nikita asleep as well in his car seat.

You turned from washing the last of the dishes and found four looks of sympathy.

“I don’t know how much I want to talk about this guys. I haven’t decided what I even am going to do yet. I figured he would have been staying with one of you guys.”

“I no let him, I disappointed in Captain.” Geno replied.

“Catherine wouldn’t even let him in the front door,” Kris added.

The girls were just nodding in agreement.

“I really appreciate the support guys but I just want to figure this out myself.”

Everyone nodded giving you your privacy. Well as much as they could with the whole world watching this scandal play out.

You really did have no idea what you were going to do next.

Was your marriage worth saving? Or was it just too late for you and Sidney?