i am crying because of the hair


Keiynan Lonsdale photographed by Storm Santos for VULKAN Magazine

“I like to change my hair, I like to take risks with how I dress, I like girls, and I like guys (yes), I like growing, I like learning, I like who I am and I really like who I’m becoming. Spent way too many years hating myself, thinking I was less valuable because I was different… which is just untrue. A couple years ago I was able to accept myself, and it saved my life, but now I’ve gotten to a new road block and I feel kind of lost. I gotta take the next step and actually embrace who I am, which is pretty exciting. Not faking shit anymore, not apologizing for falling in love with people no matter their gender. I’ve become bored of being insecure, ashamed, scared… no one should feel like that about themselves, especially when there is so much good life to live. Ya know more and more I see so many young people being their best / truest selves, it’s fucking inspiring… so what have I been waiting for!? Who knows. Everyone in their own time. I hope we can all learn to embrace who we are and not judge people who aren’t exactly the same as us. The truth is we are all family, we’re all one. Just love.”

i’m twenty five now, shit, that means i have to stop fucking around, that means i need to find out how to deal with all this blood, men, the stretch marks on my shoulders, the absolute mortality of my parents. this is the first true poem i’ve written in months and i’ve got all these words buzz buzz buzzing around inside of me, they were right, i just had to give it time and meanwhile i keep missing dentist’s appointments, keep fattening myself up on sugar and boys with big eyes and big lashes and i haven’t grown out of girlhood yet because my nails break and i cry, my hair falls out and i cry, my tits are too big and i cry and i am growing into my mother and we cry at all the same things. she told me she was sorry for the years my dad wove my heavy hair into braids but i’m so sorry i’m so sorry i’m so sorry dad for never accepting or claiming my blackness because even now as a grown ass black woman, dark alleys and shadowy street corners still scare the fuck out of me. i see black boys running and black girls crying and vice versa and both and this fence right here i built myself, this distance i created myself. the punchline is that my dad spent so many hours braiding my hair that i never learned how to do it myself, the punchline is that we are still nursing our black tender heads. this poem will not absolve me of all my sins or even scrub me clean but i am turning the faucet on, i am picking up the sponge, i am attacking my cuticles with unprecedented ferocity. meanwhile my blackness sticks its head out of the window and howls.
—  Kristina Haynes, “Small Poem About Big Things”

Stiles x Reader

Requested by Anon

Normally you’d cheer for Stiles, it had been a tradition since forever, no matter what one of you was doing the other would cheer you on. But today you didn’t feel like cheering. Stiles spotted you as he went to take his shot and smiled to himself, you were his lucky charm but as he swung to score you stayed utterly silent.

“Stilinski, we’re aiming for the goal not the carpark!” Finstock yelled at Stiles.

“Yeah s…sorry coach.” Stiles mumbled as he glanced up at you.

Keep reading

I have this undying love for wild, unapologetic, raw souls.

The ones that show the world that they’re so strong and need no one else to run along them, but when they love, they love so deeply that they can feel the others heart beat in their own throat.
The ones that wear their hair messy and laugh at the fact that they have a messy heart to go along with it.
The ones that aren’t scared to say “here I am take me, I dare you to break me” and when they do they just love stronger the next time around.
The ones that cry and hurt but never turn cold and bitter.
The ones that the moment the sun touches their skin they close their eyes, take a deep breath and smile because they believe if they take in enough sunshine they will start to resemble it.
and they’re not wrong.
The ones that find peace at the sound of thunder and happiness in rain.
The ones that find a melody in waves when they crash at the shore. 
The ones that drink their coffee black and though they’ll never admit that half way through when they think its too strong they add cream, but it won’t change the fact that every morning they’ll continue to drink their coffee black while keeping a stash of creamer hidden.
The ones that find beauty in the darkest places which is why they will never tell or ask someone to change, all they will do is sit and enjoy the fact that such darkness is brave enough to come close to such light.

So heres to those souls, I will forever love you and you will forever be my favorite thing to witness.

—  Odett G
Do not imagine... Shower time with Shawn

Do not imagine showering with Shawn in the dusty morning light.

Do not imagine how his fingers would trace over your body, not meant to arouse but with the simple intention of touching.

Do not imagine the little squeezes he‘d give your hips and how you wouldn‘t evade them because you‘d have to step away from the warm water.

Do not imagine how you‘d each time your stay under the stream, so that you‘d both get warm.

Do not imagine how he‘d gently tap your shoulder, to tell you to turn around so he can lather the shampoo in your hair.

Do not imagine him sighing when you soap his back, and do not imagine how he‘d joke about his back finally being clean.

Do not imagine how you‘d have a debate on wether you look more like a drowned kitten or a wet puppy. (You settle on first-time-swimming-duckling. Duckling becomes your new nickname. His will become otterdiot. You know, otter and idiot.)

Do not imagine how you‘d slick back his wet hair after you‘ve washed it.

Do not imagine how Shawn would try to get your sticky and wet hair away from your face. (Some single hairs end up clinging to his fingers and he can‘t get them off. You almost have to sit down from the laughing.)

Do not imagine how at one point you‘d comment on the water getting colder and he‘d totally deny it.

Do not imagine the squeal he‘d make when the hot water runs out, because he refused to believe you when you told him, three times, „Shawn, I‘m not joking. The water is seriously getting colder.“ (The part where he refused to believe you is the reason for the „idiot“ in otterdiot).

Do not imagine how you‘d both skip out of the shower as fast as possible because at this point icicles are warmer than the water.

Do not imagine how he‘d try to imitate you wrapping your hair in a towel. (You‘d of course explain it. He nails it at the first try.)

Do not imagine how after you‘d lie naked in your bed slowly falling asleep. (Occasionally one of your legs brushes a wet towel, and the coldness and wetness and the following screech keep you both awake, but none of you can be bothered to hang the towels up.)

Ouch, I think I hurt myself. -E


SPN 12 Finale Speculation

Okay so I’m gonna throw some things I noticed about the season 12 finale out there and I would really like some input, if you agree, disagree, or what your take on it is.

1. Castiel’s death

As said on my previous post, Cas will 100% be back. I know this because Misha tweeted “Cass [or Cas] does have a future” and the Scooby Doo episode for season 13, Jared accidentally let slip that Misha had done voice recording with them. So he’s not dead, but who knows where the plot will go with this. So here’s this:
Cas stormed in there and he stabbed Lucifer yeah, it obviously didn’t affect Luci as his eyes turned red and all. How did Cas manage to get to the portal, he was literally directly in Lucifers arm reach and he was angry. And when he DID come to the other side and saw Dean and Sam, he didn’t seem phased, not like he barely escaped or like lucifer almost killed him, but he seemed calm and Cas is smart enough to know not to just stand there in front of a portal with an angry lucifer behind him.
So that could mean several things:
•Something happened off screen in which Cas got a significant advantage.
•someone saved Cas (like maybe Bobby)
•that wasn’t our real Cas, it would have been AU Cas.

My personal guess as to how they will bring Cas back is via Jack. Deeper discussion of this theory is on my last post.

2. Rowena’s death

Was SKETCHY. Rowena is a mistress over death, and they kill her without her kill scene being on screen?? We didn’t see Ruth at all in the episode, ALL we saw was a burnt corpse and a lock of red hair. There are many ways that they can manipulate that vague scene and bring her back. I can’t say for certain, but they could.

3. Crowley’s death

Unlike Rowena and Castiel’s death, Crowley went out perfectly. He had the dramatic-goodbye-line that made me cry “bye boys.” His death wasn’t meaningless, there was a direct reason for it. It was just very good. I am still very sad about it, Crowley was one of my favorites, and they COULD bring him back because there is RUMOR of Mark being signed up for season 13 as well, but that’s rumor and not reliable at the moment. If Rowena comes back, she could bring him back. But his character went full circle and I am sad to say we may have truly said goodbye to our favorite demon.

4. Jack

There are a lot of mixed feelings about him out there. Though, I still think he will be the one to bring Cas back and if he brings Cas back guess who else he can bring back. His mommy. Maybe(?) he will watch that little video she recorded for him and that will trigger emotions somehow, Idk. It’s hard to say if he’s gonna be a bad bad guy or a more like Crowley “bad” guy but comes in handy and wins our hearts. Too soon to tell.

Also, i would like to casually point out that the season ended the way season one began. Sam in a nursery with a yellow-eyed demon :)

Give me feedback guys :3

You asked me who I
am in my ideal world,
where I can create and
be whoever I want to be.

And I tell you, in another
life I’m bold, I tell the kid
in class to quit interrupting 
the lecture because we are so 
goddamn tired of him acting
like he knows everything.

I don’t text my mother telling
her that I am crying, I don’t sit
on the corner of her bed sobbing
at 3 am about someone that doesn’t
like me back or how much I wish
I could sleep,

I dye my hair pink and blue and
purple and I get a fringe and wear
dark lipstick and remember to file
my nails rather than let them break
and I dress in all black one day and
the next day in colors as vivid as my
dreams of you.

I travel wherever I want without a
worry in the world and I don’t think
twice about moving constantly and
I pack only a suitcase and I go to coffee
shops early in the morning and sit next
to someone in the sunlight and we talk
about politics or just good stories we
have heard.

I take some time off from school and
I work and I live in a small apartment
with a faucet that drips but I keep the
windows open constantly and my neighbors
are so unconventional but they are still so
beautiful and they have the greatest stories
and they drink during the weekends and
during my free time I fill my walls with
pictures and poems and posters and I am
so bloody passionate that it drips through
the windows,

I have many friends or I have absolutely
no one and I am content either way and
I go to parties and get to know everyone
but no one exactly knows me and they
try to describe me to others asking if
they’ve seen me too but they cannot
find any words that can describe the
way I held their hands.

And I tell you, in another life I’m crazy
and happy and weird and I talk a lot or
sometimes not at all and none of their
words ever hurt me because I am too
caught up in my own love, I am too 
busy creating myself. 

And I ask what would you be if you
could be anything?

And you tell me of all these divine things,
you’d ride the train and never get off and
see where it takes you, you would drive until
you ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere,
you would swim until your skin looks like
apple peels, and as you tell me of all these
wondrous adventures, where you are always
going somewhere, I realize you are just running

You have always just been running away
from me.

—  In another life I’m bold and you’re cold.

keiynanlonsdale: I like to change my hair, I like to take risks with how I dress, I like girls, & I like guys (yes), I like growing, I like learning, I like who I am and I really like who I’m becoming. Spent way too many years hating myself, thinking I was less valuable because I was different.. which is just untrue. A couple years ago I was able to accept myself, & it saved my life, but now I’ve gotten to a new road block & I feel kind of lost. I gotta take the next step & actually embrace who I am, which is pretty exciting. Not faking shit anymore, not apologizing for falling in love with people no matter their gender. I’ve become bored of being insecure, ashamed, scared… no one should feel like that about themselves, especially when there is so much good life to live. Ya know more & more I see so many young people being their best / truest selves, it’s fucking inspiring… so what have I been waiting for!? Who knows. Everyone in their own time. I hope we can all learn to embrace who we are & not judge people who aren’t exactly the same as us. The truth is we are all family, we’re all one. Just love. Keiy. <3

{image: a photo of Keiynan Lonsdale sitting at a diner counter. he’s wearing a black sweater and has a key hanging from his earring. he’s dyed his hair a dark reddish color and is staring into the camera.}

i remember when I first got into hospital because of my eating disorder, i didn’t want to recover, and the only reasons of recovering people brought up to me were: boys don’t like bones, do you really want people to point at you in the street whenever you go out, you’re scaring people, you’re going to be single for the rest of your life
8 years later I’m not fully recovered, and most of all, I am angry
nobody warned me about the most harmful consequences
nobody told me that, at some point, my whole body would be cramping, leaving me stuck into bed during a beautiful day like today, they didn’t tell me I wouldn’t be able to focus during classes or at work, nobody told me my teeth would start moving (I’m so fucking scared I want to cry I don’t want them to fall) they didn’t tell me about my skin and hair and nails getting unhealthy and fragile, they didn’t talk to me about my stomach, which I consider is almost dead by now. because who cares, boys don’t see your stomach
I’m not blaming anybody here
I’m just thinking, what if somebody had warned me about these consequences ? I was 14 and I didn’t give a fuck about boys at that time
At 17 I decided to finally gain some weight back, and the only reason I did it was because some boys in my class told me they would date me if i were heavier (they obviously added “but not TOO heavy!)
As I’m missing a sunny day because of my muscles being weaker than ever, I’m writing this post and I know I can’t change the past, and I should think about the future
Yet, I can’t help but feel sorry for the 8 year old me, I’m sorry the 22 year old me isn’t as healthy and smiling as you wish she would be
And fuck those who’ve been teaching me that my body’s only use is to please boys

But consider this

I still have like two unfinished shidge fics so IDK if I ever will write this so here are my hcs for it

Your Obligatory Pidge is neighbors with Single Dad Shiro and his son Keith

-early 30s single dad Shiro and his son 5 year old Keith living in an apartment

-20s Pidge just moving next door

-awkward “Oh hey good morning!” followed by the “I made too much food would you like some?” nice moves pidge

-the “yeah sure thanks”

-the “Would you like to come inside?”

-the “let me go get my son”

-the omg he has a son?! He is married I have zero chances damn oh well time to hide my feelings in a dark void and be a good neighbor

- the “must be hard having children at a young age” followed by the explanation that shiro is in his 30s and Pidge laughing it off as a joke until he tells her he is serious and she is like HOW

-but also Shiro being busy with work and asking Pidge to take care of Keith for the night

-I’m guessing Pidge is into programming, tech stuff, freelancer so their time is pretty much at their control, although most of their freelance work comes from Altea Tech, their friend Hunk works there

-the Keith looking at Pidge’s photos hung on the the wall and seeing Pidge’s mom and asking “What are moms like??”

-Pidge realizing Keith never had a mom but yeah pidge has to say something “moms are nice, heartwarming. They take good care of you. Sometimes, they do scold you but that is because they love you and wants the very best for you.”

-”That sounds a lot like dad.”

-”Yep. Shiro is cool like that.”

-”Doesn’t that mean dad is twice as cool because he does both?” “Yeah. he is.”

-cue Pidge watching Lilo n Stich or maybe treasure planet with Keith and Keith falling asleep, Shiro getting home, thanking Pidge and carrying Keith back to his apartment

-Pidge hesitating because they may be intruding but then going with it saying Shiro is a very admirable and strong person as they are able to raise a wonderful son and also be amazing with their work

-Shiro being ???? then realizing that Pidge knows, probably from Keith, and then smiles and says thank you and good night before leaving

-Pidge closing their door and collapsing on the floor because how can shiro be this good-looking and perfect?! It is unfair, unjust

-Pidge meeting with Hunk to talk about their frustrations

-the “If he is single, then why don’t you just date him?!”

-”but what if he isn’t looking for someone and I end up ruining our good relations???”

-Also, previous neighbors the Sanchez, aka Kiddy Lance playing with Kiddy Keith with a really bad crush on Kiddy Keith because they thought Kiddie Keith was a girl, Curse u MULLET, and now they feel betrayed and confused af with their feelings somebody help these poor children u need to tell him it is ok to like boys pls

-by previous neighbors, I mean the Sanchez family  used to live in Pidge’s apartment, they saved enough money for a house so they moved to one, still in the neighborhood though

-Lance sleeping over because his parents had to do stuff (and by that I mean Lance crying like a baby because they miss Keith)

-Keith being all sparkly and excited and everything, Shiro is a happy dad

-Keith inviting PIDGE over, because Pidge and their movie collection are cool and not overrated and also because Keith wants Pidge to meet Lance

-because let’s face it, Shiro buys overrated movies, no time to go hunt the net for the good secret ones, but Pidge knows what is up

-the kid watching Brother Bear, Pidge brings popcorn and the kids swear they make the best popcorn

-Shiro falls asleep fast, poor dad needs rest, taking care of a 5 year old son and keeping up with work is a difficult job

-Keith swears he always does this in movie nights. Pidge drapes a blanket over shiro

-cue crying because Brother Bear is full of feels and shiro waking up because crying noises, note everyone is crying even Pidge 

-Shiro trying to not laugh at them, at pidge specifically, because Pidge cried watching brother bear, omg

-but Keith doesn’t know it is pidge he is laughing at and goes all defensive and like Brother Bear is an beautiful movie about ummmm…. brotherhood and bears, dad. You can’t laugh at brother bear when you slept on it.

-And Shiro just ruffling Keith’s hair saying yeah he is sorry and then looks at PIdge and winks (Pidge is internally and eternally screaming) as some form of I am sorry I laughed at you

-they finish the few remaining minutes of Brother bear and kids go to bed, Pidge goes back to their apartment

-Also Pidge, no car Pidge, bringing big bags when they go buy groceries coming down from buses and Shiro seeing that

-Shiro offering Pidge rides to the grocery store with him and Keith and Pidge saying yes because that would be a hell lot easier also GROCERY DATES

-Keith is in the cart obviously, Pidge is nice enough to make “vroom vroom” sounds for the kid, shiro never thought of that also they have dinner outside after this

-COOK DATES, aka Chef Dad Shiro, teaches Pidge some goddamn cooking because Pidge only knows how to cook pasta

-Shiro lowkey realizing he might be falling for Pidge but opting to just keep it to himself because Pidge is at their Prime, they can do anything in their 20s and well a single dad with a 5 year old kid isn’t exactly what people in their 20s are looking for (Joke is on you Shiro)

-Basically Shiro liking Pidge but considers his feelings something that will hold Pidge back so he doesn’t do anything about them

-How’s about daddy holt not going with non-binary and pidge being 100% done so they left their home at 18 bless matt for offering them a place to stay

-And how’s about some sad nights for Pidge because they remember daddy holt and they go drinking and moon viewing in the balcony

- cue accidentally breaking one of their pots and getting Shiro’s attention who hurries to their balcony because something just broke n they see pidge drunk in the moonlight

-the “Pidge are you okay? Is something wrong?”

-the “Oh hey Shiro. *hic*”

-the “You shouldn’t be here. You’re drunk, Pidge. It’s dangerous.” with the I am genuinely worried look

-the “tis fine. I’m perfectly fine.”

-the “Is something bothering you? Would you like to talk to me about it? I mean, if you are okay with it.”

-the SMILE in the glistening moonlight of pidge

-the arms stretching “You’re right shiro. I shouldn’t be here like this. I should hit the sheets. Good night.” before leaving

-the morning with the holy shit this HANGOVER and the need to go to the convenience store only to find a bag of Hangover coping drinks and meds on your door’s handle with the message:

“You’ll need these. Take Care,” -Shiro



-after the movie keith is like I am Nemo Papa is Merlin nemo’s papa and Pidge is dory

If I Die Young

Originally posted by juddxdunkelheit

Pairing: Alex Standall x Reader

Summary: (Y/N) finding out that Alex committed suicide.

Word count: 1.828

Posted: 01st of May 2017

A/NThis is my 50th imagine, since the day I’ve started, on the 22nd of February, and I wanted to post my favourite imagine, so far. I was listening to the song and an imagine inspiration came into my mind. This made me cry so much, I wonder why I keep on doing this to myself. Anyways, I may post a part two of this imagine! Keep an eye out! 
If you have some Alex requests, feel free to send some in. Thank you so much, guys!

P.S.: (SPOILER!) Before you attack me, I would like to clarify that I think that Alex committed suicide and he wasn’t  shot by Tyler. I mean, he had different signs to show that he was suicidal and I don’t want to be attacked for my own opinion. Thank you.

- G. x

Warning: Mentions committing suicide/shooting, blood, possible death, swearing.

“What did Alex do?! No, I know Alex and he wouldn’t do it!” You shouted while talking to Alex’s dad through the phone. You respected him, but you were shocked for the news that he had in store. “Tell me that he really didn’t do it! Tell me, please!” You hysterically shouted inside of your car as your tears slowly streamed down your face.

“I…” His dad was speechless. He couldn’t believe that his son had the courage to do something like that. He didn’t know what to say, because he was shocked too.

“Alex needs me, I am on my way.” You bit your lower lip as you ended the phone call and threw your phone on the passenger’s seat beside you. “Fuck, Standall!” You hit your steering wheel many times as you cried loudly and uncontrollably on it.

You were scared and heartbroken at the same time. How could Alex ever think of doing that certain thing? He knew that you were still by his side, but why did he leave you? Scratch that, he would never leave you, the right question was why did he choose to do that?

“Alex Standall, please.” You impatiently asked at the nurse for his room at the reception hall. You still had tear stains on your cheeks and you were still hiccupping for pouring your heart out.

“Only the relatives can visit the patient.” The nurse strictly said even though she saw that you were desperate to see Alex. You clenched your teeth as you were trying to stay calm. “Sorry.”

“I am his fucking best friend, so let me in!” You lost your control, because of the thought that you could lose Alex at any moment. “Damn it, that guy was my life and he shot himself in the head, he needs his best friend right now. He fucking needs me right now and you wouldn’t let me in! How can you be so fucking selfish!” You poured your anger and you blamed the nurse for what you were feeling at that moment.

You surely were making a scene and you got some dirty and some pitiful looks from the people that stayed there, but you didn’t care. You wanted to see your best friend and you demanded to see him.

“Security at the reception hall please.” She severely said as she contacted the guards using the phone on her desk. You shot her a death glare as you thought how uncompassionate and callous she was.

“No need, she’s with me.” A deep voice was heard behind you and it revealed you Alex’s dad. “She’s part of the family.” You felt relieved for that and you had your hopes up for a little bit.

“Officer Standall!” You tightly hugged him and he hugged you back. You felt tears still streaming down your face and you broke the hug so his uniform wouldn’t be stained by your tears. “Thank you for being heartless!” You spat those words as if they were venom in your mouth. You didn’t mean to be rude, but you were desperate and the thought of having your best friend in a hospital room terrified you even more.

“C'mon!” He pressed his lips on your temple to give you kiss. He considered you as his daughter and seeing you like that broke his heart even more.

You both walked through the hospital halls with a heavy heart. You were afraid to know if Alex was fine, if he would survive, but you were convinced that he would. In fact, you were already thinking of how you would slap him silly when he’s gotten out of that redundant place. You were thinking of how you would scold him, of how you would take care of him, of how you would tell him that you loved him so much.

“Go on.” Officer Standall encouraged you as he let you enter Alex’s room. You slowly nodded while turning the doorknob to open it.

“Alex.” You murmured to yourself as you saw your best friend lying on a hospital bed. There were uncountable wires attached to his body and your heart sank as you hated him for that short moment. How could he appear that calm when you were being desperate and frantic? “Lex, please wake up.”

You walked near his bed and you took a seat on the chair beside it. You wandered your eyes around the room and everything was white: the walls, the bedsheets, the window curtains. Everything.

“Lex, I am here now.” You grabbed his right hand, luckily that his dextrose was attached on his other hand. “Wake up, stop joking because I am clearly not.”

There was silence in the room, the only thing that could be heard was your soft sobs and the heart monitor that kept on beeping as it flashed Alex’s poor heart rates.

“Alex, I can’t accept this. We aren’t kids anymore, stop playing our old games.” You harshly tortured your bottom lip as you prevented yourself from crying.

You remembered how Alex used to pretend that he was asleep whenever his parents would arrive home and you were his partner in crime. You would play jokes on his brother too, scaring him to death when Alex pretended that he was a zombie.

“Standall, it’s okay if you don’t wake up right now, but please hold on.” You tightened your grip on his hand as tears started to wet your hands. “I am sorry for letting this to happen. I am sorry because I didn’t cheer you up enough, I am sorry because I wasn’t able to make you feel better after those fucking tapes.”

You looked at Alex and you admired his angelic and peaceful face. He had a bandage wrapped around his head with a big blood stain on it. Some of his platinum blonde hair was covered with blood and it made you cry even more.

“Lex, remember the last time you made me cry like this?” You asked him even though you knew that he wouldn’t respond. “Yes, that was during our first and last fight. Alex, you humiliated me in public because I let Montgomery kiss me. Yup, that asshole. I accepted that, but I wouldn’t accept this. You are making me cry and this is the worst reason that you could ever come up to.”

You looked at his pale lips and you thought of how much you preferred those lips than Montgomery’s.

“Standall, you are my best friend because you are you and you never failed to make me laugh. You even made fun of yourself in public when I was so down for a low grade.” You smiled as you remembered those things, still feeling hot tears running down your cheeks. “You even let yourself get beaten up for me.” You shook your head.

“I love defending you!” Alex exclaimed as you were scolding him for getting his ass beaten up.

“You didn’t have to do that, silly!” You smiled at him as you were curing the scars and the wounds.

“I didn’t have to, but I wanted to.” Alex has said as he dealt with the stinging feeling of the disinfectant. “You know that I would catch a bullet for you, right?”

“Ha! Funny, right?” You sarcastically laughed. “You caught a bullet, but not for me.” You caressed his unanimated hand with your thumb. “I didn’t want for you to catch a bullet for me! I wanted for you to stay beside me, forever and always.”

You appreciated the heat that his hand was emanating and you felt safe, even though you were so scared.

“Little did we both know that I fell in love with you, I fell in love with that contagious and funny laugh of yours, with that broken smile and your dimples. I loved your platinum hair, even though I teased you a lot because of it. I love everything about you, but, mostly,” You confessed and you knew that he could hear you. “I love you, Alex Standall.” You stood up to give a sweet and soft kiss on his pale lips.

You admired his peaceful face once again and smiled.

“I am waiting for you, okay?” You whispered to him and you caressed his hand again. He squeezed your hand and it gave you hope somehow. “Please, don’t go.”

You were about to let go of his hand to call the doctors, but your world was destroyed and it turned upside down as you heard the flatline sound of the heart monitor. Your heart stopped together with his and you fell back on your sit, tears uncontrollably flowing like a river.

“Fuck, Alex!” You couldn’t believe of the happening and you panicked as you gripped on his hand even tighter, tears burnt your red cheeks. “Alex, don’t leave me! Alex! Please don’t!”

“Excuse us, ma'am!” You didn’t hear that the nurses entered his room and you were suddenly pulled away. “Ma'am, please.” The nurses slightly shouted since it seemed like you couldn’t hear them.

“Alex!” You shouted as they forced you to let Alex’s hand go. “Alex, fight! Please!”

“It will be alright.” Those words were the last words you heard from the nurses that night. They left you on the hallway as they did their work inside the room. You saw Alex’s dad with his brother, they were both crying and mourning.

You leant on the white and candid wall behind you as you sobbed, letting your body fall on the ground. You couldn’t understand anything around you as you suddenly saw Alex’s figure across the hall, looking at you and smiling.

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom, I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger.” You sang together with Alex while he was playing his guitar at your school’s music room.

I’ve never known the lovin’ of a man, but it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever, who would have thought forever could be severed by.” You sang as you were sobbing loudly. You couldn’t continue the song, so you let the music flow as people cried and felt sorry for you.

“(Y/N).” Zach rubbed your back as he tried to comfort you.

“It was for you, Lex, although you promised me that you were the one who would’ve sang it at my funeral.” You said as your voice cracked and your heart broke even more. “Unfair.”

“I promise that I will sing that to you at your funeral.” Alex promised as you did your pinky promise and he unleashed a deep sigh because he already knew that he would’ve taken away his life soon, sad to break his promise.

That night, when the nurses have told you that everything will be alright, you already knew that you lost Alex, you knew that you lost the most important person in your life.


I fucking hate it when people say “Oh I’m so OCD” When in reality they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. Getting uncomfortable during class when a teacher doesn’t completely erase the board does NOT make you OCD. Stop trying to make yourself seem quirky because this shit is a mental illness, not a fucking adjective. OCD is a difficulty breathing when a friend or family member tries to “help” you by cleaning your room for you, throwing off every item meticulously placed, destroying the little peace of mind you had left, leaving you in such mental and physical pain all you want to do is scream and cry. OCD is feeling tremendous guilt when someone you care about tries to shake your hand, and you reject them because you have no idea when the last time they washed their hands was. OCD is being overwhelmed with such intense anxiety, all you can do is pull out your own hair, leaving you with nothing but disgust, shame, and bald spots. So the next time you say that you’re “so OCD,” ask yourself, “Do I really have a mental illness, or am I just uneducated about the severity of obsessive compulsive disorder?” Please become more aware of this issue, because uneducated people misdiagnosing themselves happens more often than it should. As for the people out there who do experience this disorder, just know that you’re not alone, and we’re out there. (Real OCD is different from person to person, but the examples used have all been real incidents that occurred.)

Do you want me at 6am when I wake up with no makeup and ratty hair? Do you want me at 8 am when I’m signing terribly in the shower? Do you want me at 5pm when I’m sweaty and smell because I just worked out? Do you want me at 10pm when I look at myself in the mirror and tug at my fat? Do you want me at 11pm when I’m crying because I’m so stressed and unhappy? Do you want me at 12am when I’m over thinking everything? Do you want me all day everyday? Or do you just want me? Me in your bed? Because there’s a difference between wanting me and wanting to be with me.


the signs as random snapchats my friends have sent me
  • aries: i'm barely awake and my sister said "clean the damn house" bitch clean ya damn vagina im tired fuck outta my face
  • taurus: *picture of herself with the headband on & a blank face* i realized too late that i was playing headbandz and now i know what i am wow
  • gemini: you ever notice that the inside of your mouth looks like the inside of your vagina wait actually idk what the inside of my vagina looks like
  • cancer: *picture of her teary eyed* i nearly started crying because i realized plankton and karen don't have kids because she's a computer so they can't have sex
  • leo: *picture of her with her hair tied around her chin like a beard* who needs men? i'm my own man
  • virgo: *picture of her looking down at the camera at an awkward angle* me trying to figure out how to record without using my hands
  • libra: *at 2 am* in other countries when they eat hot dogs or something do they call it "american food" like how we call china's food "chinese food" #latenightthoughts
  • scorpio: *picture of herself on the toilet with her legs scribbled out* woah why tf am i constipated (my dick not showin, just my legs)
  • sagittarius: while i was chewing i bit down on something chewy IT WAS A BUG I THINK PLEASE HELP
  • capricorn: *blurry picture of her looking terrified* tell me why i dropped my phone in the fucking brownie mix i hate everything
  • aquarius: *blurry picture of herself* i kicked an ant bed and i think some of the ants went in my pants and are biting me
  • pisces: *picture of her crying* me realizing maddie isn't even real. or maybe liv isn't real. idk they just aren't actually twins. they're the same girl. and she doesn't have some unique connection to her twin sister who'd she do anything for because she doesn't have one.
The Grim Reapers Girlfriend Part 7 -FINAL

Originally posted by yoonseok

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 

Summary: Most people think the Grim Reaper or commonly know as Death, is a faceless man wearing a dark cloak with a scythe in his hand. Oh boy were they wrong. Anyone who meets him would mistake him for one of God’s angels, so, what happens when you do meet him?

Basic Summary: Death (Min Yoongi) meets you and instantly falls in love with you, his job is to take you to the other side but instead asks you to become his wife. While thinking of your answer, a miracle happens. You come back to life.

Pairing: Yoongi X Reader (and a bit of JIn)

Genre: Pure fluff, Humour, bit of Angst.

Warning: Swearing

A/N: Please send in feeback it is very much appreciated. (Also if you’re going to listen music while reading this I suggest you listen to Goblin soundtrack)

“Yoongi this is amazing. I could kiss you.” you laughed staring at him, he snaked his arms around you.

“Please do”

Your lips met and intertwined with each other out of love, even though it was a small peck on his lips…it felt powerful.

Pulling away you looked down at your boots and smiled, a light shade of crimson red crept up onto your cheeks. Resting your head against his chest you felt his heart beat slowly.

“Yoongi…Y-your heart, it’s beating” 

“I-I know, it started when I met you” 

He looked down to you smiling, his pale face turned pink. You giggled at the sight and hugged him longer.

Yoongi says he wants to show you a restaurant that he absolutely loves here. 

Walking along the auburn leaves covered street, the two of you handed in hand. You began to feel a warm sensation in the pit of your stomach. Leaning closer into Yoongi he wrapped his arm around you.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he held out a rusted penny in his palm in front of you. “Do you just keep American currency in your pockets?” you laughed taking the penny and inspecting it.

“You never know when you’re going to need it” he flashed his pearly whites and dragged you into a near by restaurant.

“Bonjour” a waiter greeted you both “Bonjour…” Yoongi began speaking fluet french whilst you stood there star struck. 

The two of them stopped talking and the wait lead you both to a table.

“I have to admit that was pretty hot” you laughed. “Maybe I should speak French more often” he chuckled himself and brought the glass of water up to his lips.

“What other languages can you speak?” you asked out of curiosity. “Every single one of them…except Hebrew, I just can’t get the hang of it.” he pouted 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for ages” you confessed after finishing your meal. “Do what?” Yoongi says with a mouth full of food, “Kiss you” you whispered twiddling with your thumbs.

Yoongi choked on his food alarming you, you grabbed his water and passed it to him. After a gulp he gasped “You what?” eyes wide you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight.

“Ever since the date, I’ve been thinking about you. I know when you’re there looking after me. I know that you tell Jungkook to look after me when you can’t. I mean just the other day I knocked over my mug with burning coffee and it stopped in the air, it was levitating” you laughed.

“I swear that boy can’t do anything right” Yoongi uttered.

“We should get back. I have an assignment due” you whispered getting out of your chair.

Walking back to the your dorm Yoongi trailed behind, he’s been quiet the whole trip back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully” you smiled stopping at your door with Yoong in front of you.

“Y/n I have to ask you something”

“Can’t it wai-”

“No it needs to be now” he interrupted.

“Go on” you whispered

“Come back with me” he whispered

“Yoongi, I already told you I do-”

“Think about it, we could be happily married with children running around. I can give you everything you could possibly ask for and more.” He pleaded

“I’m too young…”

“No your no-”

“Yoongi I am!!” you interrupted shouting at him.

“I want to live a long life and be happy” Tears started to fall down “If you can’t except that then I don’t think we should meet…again” you sobbed. 

Yoongi’s vision became blurry because of the tears that were coming out of his tear duct. Opening the door you back away into your room slowly.

“Y/n don’t you dare shut that door!!!” Yoongi screamed crying, falling to his knees he raked a hand through his hair.

“I’m so sorry” you whispered slamming the door in his face. Leaning against it you let the tears shed, ugly sobs croaked from your mouth while Mi Na ran to your side to comfort you asking what had happen.

Mean while on the other side of the door Yoongi was still propped up on his knees.

“I love you Y/n”

Three Years Later

“The weather is just awful today” you groaned over the phone to Mi Na “I know, Its pouring down with rain. I remember what my grandmother told me when i was younger ‘when it is pouring down with rain it means the Grim Reaper is crying’ Stupid isn’t it?”

Your stomach twisted at the near mention of his name. It had been years since you interacted with him, or since you’ve even thought of him.

“Where am i meant to be going to?” you asked her referring to her new book signing. “The little petit café” she smiled through the phone. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come pick you up?” she asked 

“No, I should be fine

“Sir…” Junkooks knuckles tapped against the wooden door that lead to Yoongi’ room. “What!?” screamed Yoongi had swung the door open “What could you possibly want?” 

“Yoongi, don’t you think it’s time to get over her and get back to work” Jungkook uttered and sat on his desk chair the only piece of furniture that wasn’t covered in tissues.

“I loved her” he croaked sitting on his bed, the only thing covering him was his silk dressing gown.

“God it stinks in here” Jungkook whispered to himself. 

“Loved, what am I talking about I still love her”


“Another one? Already” Yoongi groaned collapsing on his bed. Jungkook looked at the tablet in his hand to see the name of the person who had died.

Jungkook dropped the tablet to the ground a worried look on his face, “Jesus Jungkook look what you did!” Yoongi shouted walking over to the tablet.

“No Don’t” Jungkook picked it up

“Jungkook what’s wrong?” Yoongi yanked the black tablet out of his hands and read the information

Name: Y/n Y/l/n

Age: 25

Weight: Unknown

Height: Unknown

Cause of Death: Car accident due to weather

Time of Death: 10:51am - 12th of December 2016

He arrived at the scene to see you sitting on the curb staring at your lifeless body, tears threatening to leave his eyes but he didn’t dare let you see them.

“They can’t save me, can they?” you asked the man standing beside you. “I’m afraid not” he whispered holding back tears.

“Was this your plan?” you asked. You felt him sit near you as Jungkook watched from afar.

 “God no, Y/n believe it or not. I wanted you to be happy, to live your life the way any twenty something year old should. I had no right to hold you back”

Yoongi felt a pair of small arms wrap around his shoulders, he suddenly heard your sobs which made his heart hurt.

“I’m so sorry” you pleaded with him “please forgive me” 

“Y/n I can’t forgive you” you pulled away from him to look hi in the eyes.

“Theres nothing to forgive you for” he smiled tears slipping down his plump cheeks.

He cupped your cheeks with his hands and leaned in, you closed your eyes and felt his soft lips touch yours.

The two of you died happily ever after

i had this dream last night where i was wandering the streets of my favorite foreign city and it seemed like i had no worries anymore. i was wearing bright colors again and my hair was cut short because he loved my long hair and i no longer wanted to look like the girl he used to love. i was no longer the girl that spends her days crying over him. i was no longer in the state he left me in. i was happier and hopeful again.
but to all good dreams come an end; i woke up with pain in my chest because it was just a dream and i am still sad about him but i decided to get a haircut, maybe that’s the first step of moving on.
—  2amfilm
Walking Through A Storm

This is for the anon that made me excited for writing once again!

Tags: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Dan keeps his fears in the shadows, guarded always. But his parents have always managed to bring out the ugly side in him. It’s time to stop running away and brave the inevitable.

Warnings: Homophobia, Anxiety

Word Count: 1.8 k

read on ao3

“I don’t wanna be here and I know you don’t too.” Dan’s pout can be heard in his voice.

“Be nice, c’mon.” Phil is unsurprisingly, ever the optimistic.

They are standing in front of Dan’s parents’ house, bags packed for a day’s visit. The BONCAS win had made Dan’s parents, albeit reluctantly, assent to the career path Dan had chosen. It was a pity that an award had made them give in, but it was better than the strained phone conversations.

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Redrawing that iconic conversation with Sora no Woto’s (more serious and sober) setting :”) IM READY FOR SEASON TWO. 

Also I made a speed paint video here!
The full res of the first image can be downloaded on my Patreon :D