i am completely aware of the quality i know

what those who don’t suffer from dermatillomania seem to have a really hard time with understanding is that… we are aware? i know i pick, bite, rip, i am very much aware? you don’t have to tell us about our behavior, we know about it. most of the time when you catch us doing it we are not doing it out of spite, we are relieving our nerves or anxiety. by making it the centre of attention of everyone around us, especially if they aren’t people we know in a not-so-relaxed setting, you aren’t helping. it’s making you uncomfortable? my scabs? my blood even? well, try having everyone’s attention on this one thing about you that you really aren’t proud of, that you’re extremely insecure about. have everyone’s attention on that one thing and then see the look on their faces change. have people look at you with their faces full of disgust over the one thing you’re extremely self-aware and conscious about. try hearing how it’s absolutely wild, disgusting, horrible, not normal. how you are vile for it. have people look at you completely differently than they did just seconds ago, the look in their eyes changing from oh, this is just another person that i am getting to know, to oh, i don’t even want to touch it. you aren’t even a person to them anymore, none of your other qualities matter. you’re now only the one thing you despise about yourself, nothing more. then sit there, having to listen to them going on and on and on about it, some analyzing it, some still repeating how disgusting it is, this time from smiling faces. people making jokes about it. but no one asking you what it really is, why you’re doing it, no one showing compassion. because they don’t see you as a person anymore. you become this source of entertainment and amusement, something “freaky” that they don’t always get to see that they’re now trying to take in, so they can tell about it to their friends later on, and have a laugh with them about it, again. become a disgusting little anecdote for future references. become a source of banter for your excoriation disorder, your ocd, your mental health issue. 

then see if you’re uncomfortable. we know we do it. you are not helping.

To: Bangtan Sonyeondan...

A compilation of letters addressed to each Bangtan member and to Bangtan as a whole, expressing things I don’t think are said often enough. Much love

Originally posted by bwimine

To Bangtan:

Well. We’ve had a long and rather trying few months haven’t we? 

I feel like the second I listened to your music I unknowingly strapped in to the longest, most fun, and yet most exhausting roller coaster ride of my life. Your band has brought me to tears, from both sadness and laughter, it has brought me more smiles, more reasons to live, more friends, more opportunities. Basically your band has given me a good reason to have no actual social life and a huge online one.

And I forever appreciate that. 

I began this blog because I was lonely, and the only way I found any sort of comfort was in crying and writing. But I didn’t want to soak through all my pillow cases so I decided to cultivate the latter and make stories and poems and create intricate fantasies that realists never understand. I’d always wanted to find something like this but never knew how or where to find it.

Until you came along.

And now the last few months of my life have been less lonely, less tear stained, less everything and more amazing. I met my best friend because of you, I met amazing people who think I am not a lame girl when I really am. I’ve been able to find self worth and make something out of myself. And although I know there will always be people better than me, more popular than me and more well known than me, I am driven by a love for you all to keep going and continue to do what I love for who I love.

Thank you.

On a different note, I’m not privy to sit here and pretend like you guys aren’t self aware of what your fans want and of what we do. I’m not keen on acting like you are in a bubble of perfectionism that never pops. I know it does.

Yet you smile and sing and act like nothing is wrong. You do these things for us, because even though you don’t know who we are you care about us and how we feel. And I think it is beautiful how you are aware of every single one of your fans even though you can’t see or touch us.

We love every one of you. And we think you work hard and do amazing things every day. You make us smile and make us happy and unite us under one name. One that we are proud to say because we are proud of each and all of the members that comprise the name. Of Kim Seokjin and Min Yoongi and Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin and Kim Namjoon and Jung Hoseok and Jeon Jungkook.

Of Bangtan.

Originally posted by ohparksuga

To Kim Seokjin:

One issue I believe all of us have with BTS is the matter of biasing. Now some lucky people are just blessed with the ability to choose one bias and stick to them. But for the majority of A.R.M.Y’s I am afraid that is not the case. 

Sadly I fall in the majority.

I didn’t bias you first. Or last. But you hold a very important place in my eggplant soul just by living and breathing. I mean if I can watch a twenty minute video of you eating and speaking in a language I can’t understand it has to be some sort of love right?


I think you hold an important slot in BTS, one I think many overlook. You are the eldest of them all, and although you are not the leader you are still their caretaker. And caring for six other people can be very trying.

You are patient and selfless and kind and I think that you are the most overlooked for all the amazing things you do. I feel like it would be discouraging to know where you stand with rankings among biases and fans.

But everyday you’re still cocky and not self conscious.

And that is so strong.

I got asked a question a while back and it was: if I could say just one thing to BTS what would I say? I would want to tell you that you’re appreciated and loved and no matter how small your tunneled following is that it exists. And that we love your updates and your laugh and your ungodly appetite and think you have godly looks.

I’d let you know that I believe you to be amazing. And just because I don’t ’stan’ you does not mean I don’t love you. I don’t think biasing or stanning should even exist to a certain degree. I think it draws lines that don’t need to be there and sets boundaries that should be smashed on site.

I have a soft spot for you Kim Seokjin. And if I got the chance to be yours I’d take it in a heartbeat. I think you are an absolutely impeccable person and you are just as important to me as the rest of the members are.

And you will always be.

Originally posted by igotbulletproof

To Min Yoongi:

At first I was captivated by the ever handsome Min Yoongi, whose cool swagger stole my vision and blinded me from all else. Although I have regained my eyesight and am not completely yours, I still am all aware of your talent and amazing qualities you possess. Someone I know reminds me of you so much and I think that it’s through her that I’ve also come to grow a greater understanding of you.

You are easy going yet firmly stand for what you believe in. You are a strong person but certain things make you weak and things can linger in your memories no matter how good you think you are at pushing them away. You seem hard and cold, but you are extremely sentimental and find deep value in things others wouldn’t and take great thought in the things you do for others.

I respect you as a person, and as a writer and as a composer. You are able to express yourself through music and you work hard to get yourself through to us in the exact way you want. You perfect things that are already perfect and work yourself so hard for us. I want to say that it’s okay to take a break and that there is nothing wrong with having bad days. I believe you, Min Yoongi, to be one of the strongest members of Bangtan, and you are always overcoming obstacles for yourself and for others in order to get ahead and move forward. 

You are truly inspiring and you make me want to work harder and not sleep and not quit until I have achieved my goals and dreams. Thank you for existing Min Yoongi. Thank you for being undeniably you and for giving yourself to us, whether you meant to or not.

We understand and respect and appreciate and, of course: we love you.  

Originally posted by holdmettightbts

To Kim Namjoon:

I think the best kind of loves are the ones that creep up on you and come unexpectedly. The ones that put you in denial and spit you out insane. It was like that with you. I remembered you first out of all the members, because to me your face was the most memorable. But at the time it wasn’t because of handsomeness.

Though now I can’t see why anyone would think you’re less than one of the most beautiful men on Earth. You’re smart and intellectual and pervy and funny and cute and sexy and somehow it is all rolled into one being who manages to balance it all out perfectly. You are a strong leader and someone who is sophisticated and owns up to things you do wrong. You know when to be mature and when to be silly. You’re humble and yet one of the most talented, well rounded people on the inside.

And honestly it sucks that you’re so perfect…

I often find myself wishing I was a realist instead of a hopeless romantic. So that I wouldn’t day dream about your arms around me or your kisses on my forehead or things I can never have and that I know I will never have. I think that’s one of the most admirable parts of being a writer. You put yourself in these situations, become attached to the characters, the setting, the fantasy and everyday you have to wake up and realize it’s not real. That I’m only good at convincing someone else it is and I can’t make it be.

I think I’ve listened to your mixtape a million times. I love how you rap, how you sing, how you display emotion and make me feel something even though half the time I don’t even know what you’re saying. I think it’s beautiful how your music overall does that to international fans. Because even though a lot of us don’t know exactly what you’re talking about we can feel it. And there’s something powerful in that fact that keeps us coming back for more and more. 

I hold you, Kim Namjoon, in my highest respects. For you grew on me slowly, but surely. And I can not seem to shake you off. Not that I’d want to. You give me life and reason and something to smile about.

And although this is naïve and childish of me to say since I know it will never reach your ears: I love you. With every brain cell and every heart beat. More and more with every story and scenario I write for you and more with every word from your lips. 

Originally posted by yoongiwara

To Jung Hoseok:

Okay. You’re like a mountain of pillow feathers you’re so fluffy and comfy. I feel like you’d be the ultimate best friend or husband. I think you know when to be serious and when to lighten the mood with your infectious laughter and craziness. 

And I find that to be a very admirable quality. 

You are dedicated to what you do and I’d like to just say everytime you rap you slay and everytime you dance you kill every single soul in the audience or on the other side of the computer screen. You are someone different when you’re performing. You go from cute, giggly Hobi to hot, sexy Hoseok. You slay either way though. 

Honestly, I bet it is so hard for the A.R.M.Ys that stan you because omg they have to be dying all the damn time from the feels you are always putting out(like ONE VERSE OMG YOU KILLED IM CRYING). 

Furthermore I think you would give the best advice ever. I think you’re very level headed and would always be there to give hope- see what I did there- or to shed light on the big picture. You are an infectious human being, Jung Hoseok, and you use your virus to spread smiles and love and laughter throughout your fandom and it’s great. 

Much love.

Originally posted by vminv

To Park Jimin:

First of all I just wanna say I don’t like you. You are a bias wrecker at its finest and no person on earth can deny your level of sexiness and fluffiness. Even in the short eight months I’ve been in this fandom, I feel like I’ve seen you grow more than any of the members. 

When I first got to know you, you were shy and unsure of who you were. You felt insecure about things you couldn’t control and felt like you had to uphold some kind of standard in order for fans to like you. 

But you have gained confidence.

You have grown comfortable being unabashedly yourself and you have embraced the things that make you weak and turn them into something that makes you strong. You smile freely, aren’t afraid to cry, and show us who you are in every new video and bomb and award show. Nobody cares that you lost your abs and nobody cares about your pinchable cheeks and no one cares about the flatness of your nose or thinness of your eyes. No one cares about the things you think you don’t have and therefore defines you as not beautiful, because they do. Every single fan goes insane at the mention of you eating more and every girl cries at the sight of your smile and how indescribably cute you look as you do so. 

A true A.R.M.Y should not- and does not- measure you on your looks, the measure you on personality. And Jimin, you are bubbly and bright and talented and kind and funny and everything anyone could ever want in a partner. And although I say I hate you I really don’t. 

I love your personality and your looks and at the idea of meeting you and I love writing stories and pretending I am the main character with you, getting to live out scenarios I know will never happen. You are an amazing person, Park Jimin and we are so happy you are finally realizing it yourself. 

Originally posted by hansols

To Kim Taehyung:

Where do I begin with you sunshine boy? There are so many things I could tell you, but I don’t know where to start. I suppose I could talk about how much you brighten everyone and everything you touch. How your elephants are the literal cutest thing ever and how lowkey every single person in the world wants to be the reason for one of your rectangular smiles. 

I feel like you have to be two different people a lot. There is Kim Taehyung: the cute, aegyo you and then there is V: the deep, sexy version you have to be on camera for videos. I feel like those two people coexist inside of you and I have come to love both equally.

You are honest and silly and love people with all your heart without fear of getting hurt. You give your all in whatever you’re doing and put forth your best self in all you do. You are kind to the point where it’s a fault and you see the brightest stars in the darkest of places. Better yet you are the star. Lighting up my metaphorical sky with funny jokes and your beautiful voice. 

Your voice. 

The first time I heard it I think I went weak in the knees honestly. It’s like hot chocolate on a freezing day, like a warm bath and a deep massage. Your voice is like velvet, it’s soft and smooth and deep and really really attractive. 

I feel like despite your outward demeanor you are very intense and intelligent. And whoever has the luck of being with you or to meet your acquaintance would get to experience just that. 

Originally posted by comfyjimin

To Jeon Jungkook:

Ahhh, we have come to the maknae. To this golden piece of perfection who kills everyone and doesn’t feel bad about it. From your bunny teeth, to your forehead, to your arms and thighs and hands, everything about you is something to frame and stare at fore hours on end. 

You have an amazing voice for starters and you are so motivated and driven to better yourself every single day. Not only for you, but for us and for your fellow bandmates, who have watched you grow from a small, fifteen year old to this tall, strong twenty year old man. And although we still call you the child or the maknae, it can not be denied that you are a force to be reckoned with and that you are absolutely not a kid anymore.  

You are sure of yourself in the things you know you do well, but shy with things you haven’t done before. I think you’re afraid of failure- who’s not?- and that you are constantly aiming for nothing less than perfection to avoid that. 

But it’s okay to not be the best or the prettiest all the time. And I think you are starting to realize that you don’t have anything to prove to us. That we love you for who you are truly and nothing less. We love every single derp face and make excessive memes from you. We love your rude interruptions and how you treat your hyungs like they’re your dongsaengs. And how you own up to everything you do without shame. 

Jeon Jungkook, I can not wait to see you grow up further and to hear more mind blowing covers and to watch you grow stronger and more independent and come more and more into yourself. 

And maybe in a year when I write these again I can look back on this to find you have grown centuries in a year. I think you are capable of anything you set your mind to and can achieve anything if you so desire it to be yours. 

Tell me to write one essay and I’ll write eight. You’re welcome and I hope you enjoyed hearing my thoughts on these beautiful creatures*drops mic and runs* 

~Admin Eggplant