i am being lazy with drawing now

When love isn't enough:Light and darkness

Mature content and strong language
Divergent fanfiction: Eric/OC
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Eric’s POV
I lay here drawing lazy circles on my girls shoulder while she sleeps peacefully. More so just to keep my hand moving more than anything. It’s somewhat of a nervous tick. I hate not being in control almost as much as I hate Jeanine.
Right now I don’t feel in control of anything. Especially my emotions. I’m not sure if I am more pissed off or afraid. I’ll go with pissed but it’s probably a lie.
There is a hell of a war in my head right now between the light and the darkness, both struggling for dominance. The darkness is my mistress, an old friend who has danced in my head for over a decade. The light, she is new in town, I don’t know how much I like her because she brings pain and heart ache.
Words from my father’s letter tumble threw my head, hot like clothes in the dryer. I was his proudest accomplishment in life. But it pained and haunted him that he failed me. He asked that I always love and protect our little princess. That is a knife right threw my ice cold heart. Don’t let the anger and bitterness of a fucked up life consume you or you’ll end up a carbon copy of Jeanine, he hit that nail on the head.
The thing that tormented me the most was his closing statement. No matter how bad life beats you down remember some one will ALWAYS love you, I do I always have and always will. The irony is I finally know these things but he’s fucking dead. I was robbed and endured a fucking monster who made it his life’s mission to punish me. Now I have a ruthless, maniacal, insane cunt ruling me, or trying her damnedest at least. She has repeatedly robbed me of love, laughter and happiness.
I can feel the anger start to boil and rage like an unbalanced washer inside of me. It’s time to get up and leave. I try to make sure to distance myself from Aleisia when this beast awakens in me, I don’t ever want to find myself turning misplaced hate on her again.

She looks so peacefully and serene. I look at her longingly before I walk out the door. I think of last night and the wanton lust in her eyes as she looked at me while I gave her the first taste of a real man. It gave me pride to know I made her feel that, I set her body a blaze. I showed her the best I could how much I want and desired her without having actual entered her. I am saving that as a reward for both of us when initiation is complete, incentive.
I really should just let her sleep but I have to be able to gaze into those emerald eyes one more time.
“I hope you think of me all day,” are my smug and prideful parting words as I leave to hit some shit in the training room.

I have been beating the shit out of this damn ugly orange punching bag images of those who have wronged me swimming in my head. I suddenly see the light on my tablet start flashing green. It’s a new email from that bitch Jeanine.
It has been arranged that I accompany a nurse named Jen to Erudite for her CPR training so I don’t violate the no leaving the compound without a Dauntless member rule. Seems its time for us to chat as she phrased it.

I really do not want to even give a shit about her wants and demands anymore. After everything she has taken from me. I know I have to keep playing the part for now at least. She’ll kill me or even worse Aleisia.

“Amar could I have a word privately please,” I have to tell him I have a meeting with Jeanine.
“Eric you look like hell. What’s wrong?” he sounds genuinely concerned.
“Heh, everything. But I have been summonsed to Erudite for a meeting with that evil bitch this afternoon. If, if I don’t make it back tell-”
“Nonsense Coulter. Your still to important in her schemes at the moment. Tell her nothing of what you know or have seen. Keep it to business as usual. Keep up your poker face.”
“Easy for you to say. Your not the one the bitch torments for sport.” he subtly flinches.
“Don’t be so sure about it that. Oh and I shouldn’t be telling you but I can’t have you miss it and I won’t hunt you down. You MUST be in the dorms by one thirty. War games tonight.”
“Shit. Alright. Don’t suppose Aleisia could join us?” can’t blame a guy for trying.
“She isn’t a member so sadly no. I wish she could. Little bit would kick some ass.” his voice is full of pride.
“Yes, yes my girl would.”

I sit outside of Jeanine’s office for twenty minutes waiting. She’s trying to make me sweat. She knows better, I don’t break easily. She made sure of.

“Ms.Matthews will see you now,” her obnoxious assistant nods for me to follow her.
I can’t stand her. She always eyes me like candy. Licking her lips or always trying to find a reason to touch me. It’s annoying.
“Good afternoon Eric. It’s time to discuss your future. You’ve been a bit of a disappointment as of late,” she glares at me with hate.
“The feelings are mutual,” shit, had to open my mouth.
“Need I remind you of your place on the food chain? No? Good. So what seems to be the problem for you to be poor performance?” is she kidding me?
“ I have worked my ass off. I’m ranked second,” I seethed.
“Yes second. To the son of Marcus Eaton no less. Maybe I should just eliminate you all together and recruite him.” she plaster her face with her fake smile.
“Don’t do me any favors.” I don’t know how much more I can take before I become unhinged.
“Is your pet becoming to much of a distraction? Or is it stress over the sudden disappearance of your pathetic little brat?” it takes everything I have not to advance on her.
“Did I strike a nerve? Are you angry? Maybe even a little sad,” she mocks.
“Get it together Eric. If you don’t I will make the girl disappear next. Which would be ashame. I would rather make her a useful weapon.” fuck I knew I should have just let her go.
“Get out of my sight. Pray to whatever deity you believe in you can still land leadership. I have task for you to complete.”

The train ride back to Dauntless is spent talking myself out of going back and murdering her. I am running out of options and patience. Amar and I are going to have a serious talk about involving Aleisia. Maybe he was right. Maybe it is what will keep her safe. The thought sickens me.

One more week until initiation is complete. The outcome might just seal my fate. In the mean time I need to find my girl, make sure she is fine. Try to get her to take a nap with me so I can get some sleep before war games tonight.

Please don’t get the wrong idea..

It’s just..when I’m offline for a few days and open up my inbox afterwards, it’s like:

..I’m reading ALL your messages! And I am always truly happy to receive them!

But I’ll try to answer your questions more and draw some requests now and then. For those, who are giving me encouraging and motivating words and compliments - please know how thankful I am by showering you guys with fanart/ art as often as possible!