i am a very in the closet fan of homestuck okay

some thoughts as we approach 4/13/2016

last year i remember drawing some art for 4/13/2015 and thinking, “this is going to be it. this is going to be the last 4/13. i know it in my heart, it has to be” but here we are, almost a year later and it still hasn’t ended yet

with every 4/13 that has passed since 2012, i have been overcome with joy when it turns out the comic wont be ending on 4/13 of this specific year! and part of me would be literally so okay with pauses because it prolonged the wait for the ending of the comic and i still had time to revel with a fandom that was, at one point, a very large part of tumblr fandom culture (cringe) and my life as an adolescent. i had more time to spend with these characters who were so special, so real, so unique and so so important to me

as i write this post i feel almost a little silly talking about homestuck so highly in 2016, but i think that even though ive drifted and homestuck is not quite what it used to be, i think homestuck fans like myself, especially those who started reading between 2009 and 2012, can all admit that remembering homestuck will always be hard when you observe just how much of the fandom has moved on. i literally cannot describe how much homestuck influenced me in my writing, my art as a cartoonist, my sense of humor, and my way of thinking. nothing like homestuck has ever existed before. and being a part of something like homestuck was like nothing i had ever experienced before. i understand why people make fun of homestuck, don’t get me wrong. but there is no denying that homestuck is different and it is worth praise regardless of its flaws

this was a fandom that was so active, so productive, so compassionate and intelligent and colorful and talented. and sure, there were some really cringe worthy moments scattered here and there (i.e., spitting in buckets in public spaces and cosplaying gamzee in a grocery store. both of which i did not partake in, but were seen as perfectly fine in that day and age) but it was just so much fun, i swear to god i had more fun with this group of people than in any other fandom and it has affected the person i am today and i am so proud of that. even as i enter my 20′s and would rather forget my experiences of my 17-year old self, being with homestuck is an experience i will never, ever forget. its something that made me truly happy, inspired, confused, passionate and more often than not, angry. but that was just normal and it was so. fucking. fun. it was carefree and it was fun and if i could bottle up that feeling and keep it for as long as i live i would do it in a heartbeat because it reminds me of a time where my problems seemed much less prominent and things were so much simpler

i can distinctly remember the day i started reading it and i was so nervous and curious and overwhelmed because i knew that the comic was well over 5,000 pages when i got to it but the fandom drew me in like nothing else. there was just something about them that seemed so disconnected from all the other fandoms, like some kind of fun secret club you had to be initiated into by reading through over 5,000 and it seemed pointless and impossible to me at first but damn it i could pinpoint the fucking moment when i realized, “holy crap, this is actually really fucking interesting” (which was definitely after act 1 lol)

and oh my god, going to my very first convention as a full-blown homestuck (which coincided, actually) was kind of indescribable. i didn’t know how to sew so i settled for a closet cosplay but, like, as if that mattered. and like, there were at least 250 people in the corner of the second floor of the baltimore convention center for the friday shoot. i was with my best friend and i can remember we would just fawn over every cosplayer we saw and then we started to sing with one of the writers for the music team and it was like a dream, being with all those people who were feeling the same feeling, this feeling of belonging and togetherness. it was honestly a moment that made me feel like i had found something truly fucking special and i never wanted it to end, not ever.

im beginning to lose my train of thought but….hopefully there are other people who understand what im feeling right now. and ive been telling myself that i can handle what andrew throws at us on 4/13 but as the date comes closer i cant shake this feeling in my gut that it’s 100% going to blow me away and make me cry and yearn for days when the “end of homestuck” was nothing more than an enigma