One of my greatest fears in dating is or was that I would hurt the individuals for whatever reason. Probably because I know what I want in a relationship generally speaking (no, I am not going to explain in detail.)
Additionally, part of who I am as a Scorpio and INFJ individual is that I tend to hold people at a “surface friendship” not letting them in deep to the core of me. For sharing my journal of my journey so publicly, I am a very private person. (Isn’t that just a contradiction).
With some people I meet, it is an easy ship passing in the night. But, with others, they slip through my shields or defensive walls. In those cases, I love easily and intensely the whole being. But, it is rare.
I hadn’t thought of how much this experience, although exciting, beautiful, and necessary, would potentially hurt me.
In the past, I would immerse myself in safety of just locking Everyone out. But, that isn’t healthy; that is stagnation and death. I have a lot to give and deserve to honor and acknowledge my needs and desires. I too matter. My needs too matter and I deserve to have happiness.
Truly, happiness is in the Journey. It is found within. But, we are designed to love and support one another, not live in a vacuum. Therefore, mourn this momentary loss. Get up and try again.
Please know, I may not be able to respond to messages right now. I need to heal and recharge. Yes, I am OK. Sure send a picture of flowers, horses, beautiful scenery, or do something kind for another.