i am a really bad person for making this

anonymous asked:

I'm a cis woman who identifies as a lesbian. I'm really having an issue because I am very aware that some women have penises and there is 100% nothing wrong with that. Although, I feel transphobic because I can't have a relationship with a trans woman because of past abuse. I came across the issue with an exgirlfriend when we tried to have sex and I had a panic attack and a ptsd episode. I feel bad but I physically can't do anything about it. Does that make me a bad person?

You aren’t a bad person because you got stuck with bad trauma. You also tried to make it work with your girlfriend which is wonderful, but again, you can’t control it.
I’m sixteen and my dad sexually abused me for ten years and tried to rape me. I was also almost raped by a ex boyfriend, so I’m kind of in the same boat with you. I haven’t even gotten therapy yet.
You can still date trans women, they’re just as real as any cis women, but in general, with every girl you’re with, cis or trans, tell them that you might have an episode because of ptsd.
My girlfriend and I are both cis and I tell her constantly that when we have sex I might panic because of flashbacks. I don’t want her thinking it’s her fault, because it’s not, it’s my trauma, and it isn’t my fault either. It’s my abusers fault.
You aren’t saying that trans women aren’t women and you aren’t saying you refuse to date them or respect them. You’re just saying if she is pre op/chooses not to get the op, that you won’t be able to touch her genitals. That also means, if you ever find yourself comfortable with it, you two can do sexual things to each other that doesn’t involve touching her genitals. Tons of sexual things can be done without hand to genital contact (does that make sense??) I’m only sixteen and I don’t really have any experience in much consenting sexual stuff so you might have to be on your own/with your partner to figure that out.
Plus, sex doesn’t have to be in every relationship and masturbation exists so you can still have a very happy and fulfilling relationship with a trans girl if both of you are okay with that.

mahnoorisonfire  asked:

Happy Birthday!!! (It's still your bday here :O) Your art is sooo amazing and you're so nice and funny and such a good person in general like I'm not participating in the competition but your line-arts just make it so easy for me to relax and paint when my anxiety gets really bad just tysm for existing I love yoouuu <3

I am so happy that this helped with your anxiety! Even now that the competition is over I still would love to see people colouring in my drawings, especially if it helps with stuff like anxiety! As someone who also has anxiety I totally get it, we all need something to take our minds of it, like I shuffle cards when I get anxious!

anonymous asked:

Hi! So I'm overweight and it's really hard for me to run and exercise and do things without feeling embarrassed. So in my gym class we run a mile each week and it's graded, I usually skip the day so I don't have to run it, but it has resulted in a bad grade for my gym class. Tomorrow we have to run the mile and I'm so nervous and sometimes people make fun of me and I just don't want to be embarrassed! We have to make run it in under 10 minutes and it takes me 16! Please help!

I am disgusted by the people who would do that. I have bad experiences in physical ed especially during the mile. I am not the most active person and really weak so when we did the mile I was dead near last. In pe, I regretted going because I can’t run or socialized but somehow I made it through. You can choose to sit out if you think it is what is best for you but I truly think it is best if you do run. If you get 16 minutes, so what you ran your hardest. 17, good for you! 18 great!! I think what matters is the effort you put into it and not the time that they want. If you run your best and get 16 and get faster by 20 seconds, that is getting better and I’m so proud of you. Run as fast as you can and don’t feel down if you don’t get what the others want because you did improve. If you get an F but ran your best, then who is to say you didn’t try and succeed? About the assholes who make fun of you, honestly fuck them because you are improving and that is what counts. I am so proud of you and what they say doesn’t amount to how significant you are. Good luck tomorrow whether you do it or not and have a great night cutie!!

xNTx Friends


ENTJ:

  • Crazy schedule, still manages to hang around with friends.
  • Insanely driven. Vital necessity of being The Best™.
  • Doesn’t have time for bullshit, ever.
  • Generally sweet, scary when mad (emphasize ‘scary’).
  • Highly motivated and ambitious.
  • No drama, thank you.
  • Flawless facial control (low-key scary as well).
  • INTP’s recklessness makes her have a mini heart attack every now and again.
  • Manners matter.
  • Has been super busy lately.
  • And by ‘lately’ we mean since always until forever.

Common phrases include:

– “You might find this of some help”.
– “This is so interesting”.
– “Yes, I’ve read about it”.
– “Sorry, I already have plans”.
– “I’d actually prefer to do it myself”.
– “Really, just let /me/ do it :)”.


ENTP:

  • Sharp tongue.
  • Comeback generator.
  • Laid back attractiveness and incredible charisma.
  • Bulldozer mode when mad.
  • Put-together and confident.
  • Has a fame for being flirty.
  • Hasn’t had that many partners at all.
  • “wrecking ball” (- mother mother) is his life theme song.
  • Is actually quite delicate.
  • Almost all his facial expressions are masks.
  • Hiding his real emotions seems to have become a life purpose.
  • His deep interests surprise most people.
  • “Is very intelligent, but way too lazy at school” squad with INTP.
  • Is seen as a bad influence.
  • Actually has a pretty solid moral code.
  • Fashion style score: BADASS. (the aesthetics are real).

Common phrases include:

– “Think about it this way”.
– “Why, am I bothering you?” + smirk.
– “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention to your bullshit”.
– “Why does everyone believe I’m lying?”


INTJ

  • Works silently because success speaks for itself.
  • The library is his natural habitat.
  • Very specific fields of interest.
  • Seems very polite, and he is.
  • (Doesn’t actually believe in politeness itself, has only learned to follow formalities in order to make his life easier). 
  • Efficient™.
  • Crisis over personal traits of which the analysis were thought to be concluded. 
  • Really brain, why this again. Why.
  • Has learned to master several skills that he doesn’t even enjoy.

Common phrases include:

– “No”. (Default reply to INTP’s proposes).
– “That is /such/ a bad idea”.
– “Actually…” (*insert unasked correction*).
– “I’m still considering it”.
– “What do you mean it’s not polite to tell them how wrong they are?”
– “Of course I cannot change my schedule” (to ENTP).


INTP

  • Has strong opinions on matters that she has given a lot of thought (and we mean a lot).
  • Gets overwhelmed by being the center of attention.
  • Became an Ancient Rome expert overnight.
  • Comfy discrete clothes.
  • Deadlines are a very flexible concept.
  • Actually, every concept should be prone to constant revision.
  • Study time is the perfect time for introspection and/or new ideas development.
  • Either absolutely hyped or completely indolent.

Common phrases include:

– “My nights are a mix of insomnia and belated lunch”.
– “What if we…” (Proposes crazily awesome plan to INTJ).
– “There are pubs in which you can hear a much more refined language than in the Congress”.
– “Because apathy is the foundation of my being” (as a response to ENTJ asking her why she doesn’t just /do/ the stuff).


Shared traits

  • Difficulty to compute feelings (we know, we know, ‘such a cliché’. Still true).
  • Allergies: stupidity, ignorance, illogical social rules.
  • “WHY do people refuse to THINK”.
  • Rich lexicon (xNTJs’ default mode, xNTPs’ show it when the situation is worth it).
  • Best debates between them, NFs are sometimes invited.
  • Would always choose knowledge over ignorance, even if it implies unhappiness.
  • “What do you mean it was offensive? It’s the truth!” (As a response to ENFJ).
I think the idea is that every person has to live for his or her own life and than make the choice to share it with other people. You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things. I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I really am. And I’m going to figure out what that is. And we could all sit around and wonder and feel bad about each other and blame a lot of people for what they did or didn’t do or what they didn’t know. I don’t know.
—  Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
5 Statements to NEVER put in your Personal Statement
  • “I don’t have much experience or knowledge of this, but…”
  • “I want to pursue this degree because I really want to make a lot of money.”
  • “I had bad grades, but…”
  • “I want to change the world.”
  • “I am not really sure about what to do but I think this is a good next step.”

There’s always exceptions, but as a general rule never admit any fault or inadequacies in your personal statement. If you have bad grades, admissions will see your transcript. So instead of dwelling on it in the personal statement take the space to talk about your accomplishments!

Avoid cliche’s like “I want to change the world” or “I love to help people!” Cliche’s are boring and say nothing about you. They give the impression that you don’t really know what you want or why you’re applying to the program. 

Don’t act unsure. You should give off the impression that you know exactly why you’re applying, what you’ll benefit from the program, and what they’ll benefit from adding you to the roster. You should also act like you know what you want to do after the program. By acting like you have a plan you look more favorable during the application cycle. 

DM us if you need help with your personal statement! 

Moriel Meta - in which Moriel is actually a healthy and respectful relationship, who knew?

I dislike the ‘Mor has to fix the Cass/Az/Mor situation/Mor should just talk to Azriel about everything/Mor has to be the one to change things and convince Az that he’s worthy of her’ for a number of reasons, most of which I’ve whinged about before (largely that it’s…kind of gross that all the emotional responsibility for this triangle is placed on..the only female character involved in it which is…deeply unfair) but apart from that I think it just shows a lack of understanding as to these characters and how they work and why Mor hasn’t said anything after all this time? 

And people say she should just get on with it and she should just say something and stop all of this but…I don’t think they consider the more problematic aspects of that? Azriel is in love with her and has been for a very long time and she knows this. I think that…In a way if she confronts him about it it’s like telling him that he has to be with her now. She puts him on the spot and forces him to approach a subject that she knows he’s not ready for

“So if he were ever interested would you … ?”
“The issue, actually, wouldn’t be me. It’d be him. I could peel off my clothes right in front of him and he wouldn’t move an inch. He might have defied and proved those Illyrian pricks wrong at every turn, but it won’t matter if Rhys makes him Prince of Velaris—he’ll see himself as a bastard-born nobody, and not good enough for anyone. Especially me.”

 This scene has been approached in a whole host of different ways from people thinking that Mor is flat out wrong to assuming that this has happened before and she knows this from past experience but…I always just kind of read it as it was written. Az doesn’t think he’s good enough for her. It doesn’t matter what she does. It doesn’t matter if she tells him that she wants him. It doesn’t matter if she peels her clothes off and offers him every inch of her. This isn’t a question of want. It never has been. The problem isn’t desire, it’s not even love, it’s worth. 

We’re talking about the person that Mor spent four hundred years convincing it was okay to take a break from work every now and then and go to a club. We’re told Az’s dedication to his work and the lengths he push himself to border on sadistic. This is not someone who takes what they want. This is someone who struggles hugely with self-esteem and self-worth. This is someone who was locked in the dark as a child and set on fire by his brothers as a game because he was that disposable and that insignificant and had that little value. This is someone who is terrified of ever being in that position again and who therefore works ceaselessly and denies himself the things that he wants, even small things like rest or leisure time, because he cannot let himself not be useful again for even a moment because what if they lock him away again because he doesn’t matter? 

So, fine, let’s say Mor does what everyone says she should do. She goes to Az, tells him how she feels, tells him how she knows he feels, tells him what she wants, puts him on the spot, forces him to do something about it. Either: he does as Mor (who’s known and loved him for 500 years) believes and simply does nothing, freezes up, doesn’t move, doesn’t act. Or, okay, maybe he gives in to her because this is the woman that he loves, you know? The woman he’s devoted to. The woman he would look up from a pool of his own blood and snarl at the king who controls the poison running through his veins in order to protect. So maybe he yields. Maybe he says okay. Maybe he accepts her because well this is what she wants. 

For a start that…Doesn’t change anything? Mor going to him and telling him she loves him and wants him and peeling her clothes off in front of him isn’t going to change a damn thing. Rhys making him prince of Velaris isn’t going to change a damn thing. There is nothing that can be done externally to change Az. (And Mor is not under obligation to change him just because she’s a prospective partner that’s a seriously damaged way of thinking too) Az has to change Az. Az has to decide within himself that this relationship is something that he wants, something that will be good for him (and Mor), something that he deserves, something that he can have. Mor cannot do that for him. 

You can’t fix someone’s insecurities just by telling them that you love them/want them? That’s…Not the way this works, especially not for someone like Az where it’s such a deep rooted thing. This is something that he has to work himself through and in the meantime Mor (and Cassian who is…in this almost entirely for Az) will make damn sure that he has the time and space that he needs. However much of it that might be. 

And for a second thing her doing that would be…really unhealthy? Think about it. She’s essentially going up to this insecure, damaged person who’s deeply in love with her and saying: right, I love you, I’m tired of waiting, I’m making an executive decision here, one that isn’t really mine to make (it’s not Mor’s decision/up to Mor to say when Az is ready) and I’m telling you we’re doing this. That’s…Not okay? Like that’s borderline emotionally manipulative? She knows how Az feels. She confronts him about it and she uses that to get what she wants? And it’d be damaging for him. No matter how much he wants this. He. Is. Not. Ready. For. This. Relationship. 

And so many people call Mor out for this? As though it’s her fault? As though it’s a bad thing that she respects his boundaries, respects his insecurities, doesn’t try and force him to change for her because it would give her what she wants? She waits for him. She has waited five hundred years for this man to be ready. She has never pushed him. She has never pressured him. She never will. 

Because this is Mor. And is it really so difficult to understand why Mor, who suffered horrendous abuse of her own as a child, which shapes her just as much as it shapes Az, would wait? Is it so difficult to imagine her refusing to put Az on the spot and pressure him and control him the way she was controlled? Because oh well everyone around you expects you to do this so you should.

 Is it really difficult to imagine her refusing to tell Az who he should love and when he should be with them even though he’s not ready? The way her family told her that she should be with a prince of the Autumn Court, even though she wasn’t ready and didn’t want that? 

Is it really so difficult to imagine Mor, who spent her early life being broken by the demands and expectations and pressures of others - her family, those who were supposed to be closest to her, love her, protect her- refusing to put similar demands or expectations or pressures on another? Especially someone she loves so much.

 Is it really so difficult to imagine Mor, who was shown so little respect that once she was no longer of use or value she was treated like an animal and cast out to die, to be someone else’s problem, would be able to muster up enough respect to let the person she loves so much make their own choices in life? The things that were denied her? 

Is it so difficult to imagine that Mor wants to allow Az a choice? That she feels he should be allowed to choose what he is ready for? And not have her decide for him? Not have her step up to him and say, this is what’s best for you, this is what you want, this is what I’m deciding that you should have?

Is it really an indication that Mor doesn’t love him that she waits? That she’s waited for five hundred years. That’d she’d likely wait the same again, that she’d likely die before feeling like she’d forced him into a relationship with her because she decided that it was time and he was ready and that this was what was best? And therefore that gave her the right to strip away his choices because she knows what’s best? 

Is it really such a terrible thing for one partner to actually respect the other, their history, their situation, their insecurities and understand that they can’t just make these disappear with ~the power of love~ because that’s not the way that mental health works? And that maybe the best thing they can do is not put any extra pressure onto them and give them time and space and support to work through things in their own time and way? 

And is it really so difficult to believe that this is actually the healthiest and best thing that Mor could do both for Azriel and her relationship with him? And that anything else is unfairly pressuring him and manipulating him and forcing him into accepting something that he himself isn’t ready for? And that an emotional abuse victim doesn’t want to emotionally abuse the person that they love? And that that really isn’t a bad thing, you know; that anything else would be toxic and one-sided and selfish and unfair?

Is it? 

TL;DR: Mor is actually capable of respecting Azriel and demonstrates her love for him through that respect in allowing him space, time and a choice in his own life and the relationships he feels ready to pursue. Her keeping her distance from Azriel, the man she loves, for over five centuries is selfless af and I am tired of seeing it twisted around to make her appear to be the opposite. She’s actually dealing with this situation in the best, healthiest way possible and if you’ve got an alternative to what’s happening that doesn’t involve a fukc tonne of coercion and emotional manipulation backing Az into a corner and forcing him to deal with something he’s not ready to face I’d love to hear it :) 

the mbti types based off of people I know / an enfp pov

INFP: my legit best friend- a great listener, has a really great music taste and is super hilarious. not as emotional™ as everyone thinks, but feels very deeply. obsessed with knowing how life will turn out and gets frustrated because she’ll never know. “Is there a god? do you wanna talk about space? here listen to this song it makes me think about the future.” does not want people to see her but wants to know people think about her enough to include her (even if she doesn’t show up)

INTP: dad friend- will try to help but doesn’t really know exactly how to comfort. really smart but very anti social. prefers to sit at home and read instead of talking but thinks I’m funny so that’s okay. takes a while to actually get them to talk but once they trust you they’re really cool friends to have and they make a lot of lame jokes that are actually pretty good. if they don’t talk to you, don’t take it personally, they don’t really talk to anyone

INTJ: is actually hilarious but no one understands his humor. extremely sarcastic. if you say something stupid will probably either a: death glare or b: respond with something along the lines of “can you please rephrase that or explain it in a way that I can fully understand and give you an accurate response?” seems like they don’t care and they kinda don’t but if they like you then they care a lottttt even if they don’t really know how to show it. doesn’t really speak at all unless they know exactly what they’re talking about and tend to feel very frustrated if you ask them something and they don’t know how to respond. don’t really talk to people in worry that someone will see them as not as smart as we actually think they are.

ISFJ: cinnamon roll of a friend and mom friend to the extreme. seems like all we do is bake cupcakes and watch movies together but i love you and enjoy you’re company a lot. doesn’t really like confrontation at all. wants to be supported as much as she supports everyone else. doesn’t talk much but if she’s comfortable with you, oh boy. is really smart and wants things to be in order and if her motives are questioned or someone says something that offends her she will be very frustrated and upset for a while. tends to bottle her feelings until she can’t anymore and then has a break down and feels extremely unworthy of anything. loves to read gay fanfiction​. tries her best to respect everyone and will do whatever she can to help you if you need it. extremely loyal partner and friend

INFJ: really awkward but in a good way. great listener. doesn’t really know how to say what’s on her mind ever so lets out her feelings in art. both infjs that I know are extremely artistic and charming. they just have this really home-ish feeling that makes you want to tell them anything and they’re also super trust worthy. never judges people and gives great hugs. very insecure and acts like nothing gets to them but you can read their faces like a book. please protect them.

ISTP & ISTJ & ISFP have yet to be discovered - chances are I probably know at least one of each of these types as I am friends with a lot of people but I haven’t been able to type any of my friends as such for now. please feel free to message me if you’re any of these types because I would love to be friends and know more about you (:

ENTP: jesus christ. one hell of a person. we can talk for hours and hours and it feels like we’ve only been talking for like two minutes. you make me laugh a lottttt. emo to the extremo. has no filter and says offensive things sometimes​ but not to be hurtful or anything they’re just very blunt and expect you to already know what they’re talking about. questions things a lot and always wants to know why something is happening for the exact reason and if you can’t explain then it isn’t worth their time. is actually pretty emotional insecure deep down but at the same time is very self absorbed and has a strong tendency to think they’re better than everyone else. all of the entps I know are amazing multitaskers

ENFJ: very loud and obnoxious. the epitome of extra. talks about herself a lot and intentionally embarrasses herself for attention. not a bad person at all but just frustrates me quite a bit because I feel like she could be such an amazing person that people really enjoy talking to and being around if she just listened to what other people have to say for once.

ENFP: the only enfp I know is myself so i guess I’ll just write about me lmao. I’m very friendly and I love to talk a lot and be in groups but at the same time I really like to just hang out with people one on one. I’ve been told before that the way I act in a group is very different than how I act with just one person. for example in a group im always laughing and making jokes and talking to everyone and I tend to say stupid things but with just one person I’m quieter and I like having very deep and complex conversations about everything. (that doesn’t mean the jokes stop haha) I have been told by a lot of my friends that I have a very child like personality and I agree. I’m a pretty emotional person and I care about other people a lottttt. I would do anything to help one of my friends and I love making people smile. I like to express myself in creative ways (I wear glitter on my face to school and I have a bright yellow jacket that I wear often that says savages on the sleeves and huge grandpa glasses) because I just really want to stand out for some reason. I tend to start a lot of tasks that I never finish and I usually start off things very excited about them and ignoring all of the bad things but once I realize what I’m doing and if feel like it won’t benefit me at all in the future or help me be the best version of myself then I tend to drop it but if I see it benefiting me or making me a better person or helping me with what I need then I am extremely devoted to it and will do anything I can to keep it going. this goes for things all the way from a new activity at school to relationships which I guess can make me seem kinda flaky but I don’t want to put myself in a situation that is going to leave me unhappy and questioning why I ever started it in the first place. this doesn’t mean I just give up or that I don’t try to work though the bad things in situations because I put myself through a lot to really understand a situation and if I can tell that what I’m doing will never work out for me then that’s when I drop it.

ESFJ: cool affff. seems unphased by a lot but always knows what’s going on. is a great leader and knows wtf they’re talking about. always trying to find an answer to anything they do. also pretty extra but not as much as ENFJ. involved in everythingggg and will roast u with no remorse. never leaves the house without making themselves look presentable first. sarcastic laugh™

ESTP & ESTJ & ESFP & ENTJ have yet to be discovered - chances are I probably know at least one of each of these types as I am friends with a lot of people but I haven’t been able to type any of my friends as such for now. please feel free to message me if you’re any of these types because I would love to be friends and know more about you (:

*disclaimer* I’m not a psychologist and im not trying to shove each personality type into a box. these are just based off of the people I know personally and if you don’t fit with my description of your personality type i apologize. everyone is different and there are so many variations of each type.

The Alex Comforting Maggie Scene We All Deserved (aka Alex doesn’t get called away, and “I love you” happens)

She is so fucking proud of her.

She walks away.

She snaps and she freaks out and she walks away, but she doesn’t try to head out the door.

Instead, she heads straight to the couch and sits down.

And Alex is so fucking proud of her.

And that?

That’s the final proof Alex needs that Maggie is perfect.

Not perfect.

But perfect for her.

Because Alex had told her that it was a relationship and she didn’t get to just walk out.

And Maggie?

Maggie had listened.

So Maggie’s on the couch and she’s in agony and Alex hates it, hates the catches in her voice and the not-quite biting she does to her lips to keep them from trembling when Alex brings up her parents, hates the nod and the anguished “I know” and the terrified drop and tremble of her jaw.

She hates it, because she’s defeated and she’s helpless and she’s destroyed.

But she loves it, too, because she… because… because she’s Maggie.

She hears her own voice tremble on the word heal and the only thing that keeps her from breaking herself is how warm Maggie’s face is, how soft her hair is, the way that Maggie finally looked at her when she said her name, the way she’s leaning into her hand, probably without even realizing it.

“You don’t think I’m a bad person?” she asks, and Alex knows how many years Maggie’s spent feeling like she is, and Alex knows exactly, exactly, exactly what that kind of self-hatred feels like.

She looks off to the side because she knows Maggie, she knows that there’s only a certain amount of intensity, of vulnerability, that she can handle at once. So she looks off to the side and she quirks her lips and she says, “Actually, I always thought that you were perfect. But it’s really nice to see that you have problems, too.”

Maggie’s voice shakes when she says thank you, and Alex smiles because god, she’s never been so… she’s never felt this…

She pulls back because she needs to see her face again.

Pulls back – but not before pressing the side of her face to Maggie’s hair, because god she loves how close it feels, how perfect – because she needs to tell her something.

Because if she’s going to call Maggie out for keeping things to herself, she can’t do the same.

“Yeah,” she whispers as she strokes her hair, as she looks into wet brown eyes and steels herself for the scariest thing she’s ever done.

And she’s a DEO agent with a superhero little sister.

Scary is her job.

“Listen, I know we haven’t been together for five years, I know… I know it’s not… I know we’re still learning each other, and ourselves, but I… I never want to stop learning each other together, and I… No, Maggie, I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think you’re the most… Maggie, I’m not going to run. I’m not going to run just because you have a history – hell, I have a history, too, we all have histories – and I’m not going to let you run just because you’re scared. I’m going to prove you can trust me, I’m going to prove I’m going to be here for you, unconditionally, always, no matter what ghosts you have or what scar tissue you’ve got, because I…”

Maggie’s eyes are wide and her lips are trembling and her heart is bleeding and Alex needs her to know, needs her to understand, needs her to feel it.

“I love you, Maggie. I love you, I love you, god, Maggie, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere, and you’re not a bad person, and you – “

But her next words are lost in Maggie’s lips, in her tongue, in her arms and in her sob, in the way she pushes Alex back onto the couch, in the way her body wracks with sobs even as her lips cover Alex’s.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Alex pulls back, and Maggie stills immediately, sits up immediately. “No, no, you don’t have to get off, come back, come here, please, I want to be near you, I want to kiss you, I just… you’re crying, Maggie, I don’t – “

“You shouldn’t.”

One of Maggie’s tears drips onto Alex’s cheek, and Alex reaches up to wipe her eyes, to stroke her hair, as she shakes her head, as she furrows her brow and confusion defines her every feature.

“I shouldn’t what, Maggie?”

She reads the answer in Maggie’s eyes before Maggie can force the words out of her lips, and it shatters her heart.

“Love me. You… you shouldn’t love me.”

Maggie sits up and crawls off of Alex, crawls to the opposite end of the couch, and Alex stays laying down, leaning up on her elbows, watching her. Watching her, scared to move, because if she moves, Maggie might run.

And she would understand why.

Because if Maggie loved her, and said so, god, she would say she didn’t deserve it, too.

Because she didn’t, she didn’t, she didn’t.

“I’m sorry, Maggie, I shouldn’t have said anything, I should have just kept my mouth shut – “

“No, Alex, it’s not you.” Her voice is distant and her voice is firm because she cheated, she lied, she destroys everything, not Alex, and she won’t have Alex blaming herself for this, too.

Alex stiffens and Maggie notices out of the corner of her eye, so she forces herself to relax her shoulders somewhat and she sighs and wipes her eyes roughly. Alex stays leaning back on her elbows, stays watching her carefully, stay wishing she would be gentler with herself when she wipes her own tears away. Wishes she were as gentle with herself as she is with Alex.

“I’m sorry. It’s…” She chances a glance at Alex, and the confusion, the adoration, the pure concern, the pure… love… in her face makes her want to scream, and makes her want to weep, and makes her want to cling to Alex and never, ever, ever let her go.

“You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, Alex. You… I loved Emily, yeah. I did, a lot. She was… we met in college, and she… and we were together a long time, my longest, like I said, but it… I wasn’t… I loved her, but not… not like this. Not like I love you.”

Alex’s heart stops beating and she sits up slowly, slowly, slowly. Maggie’s crying again, soft tears, silent tears, and Alex is pretty sure she’s crying now, too.

“But I shouldn’t, Alex, and you shouldn’t, because I don’t… you see what I did to her, what I… what I do. To the people closest to me. Because it’s not only about not trusting them, or you, it… it’s about trusting myself. I tore my family apart, Alex. I did that. Me.”

“Maggie, no, it wasn’t – “

“I know. I know. But that’s never… that’s never how it felt. It felt like it was me. Everyone told me it was me. And I believed it, Alex, because hell, you know, you believe what your mother says about you, too.”

Alex looks down and Alex takes a deep breath and Alex is in shock because she loves me, she loves me, she loves me.

“It’s why I tried not to date you, Alex, because… yes, because you were just coming out, but also because I… I ruin things, Alex. It’s what I do, and I never… I never want to ruin you. You’re… you’re a masterpiece, Alex. You’re the greatest thing this damn planet’s ever come up with, and I just… I destroy things. And I shouldn’t have gotten with you, because I don’t know what I’d do if I ever destroyed you, but I couldn’t help it, because Alex, I… I’m so sorry. You deserve to be loved by someone… whole, someone… Someone who doesn’t ruin everything she touches.”

Alex is sitting up fully, now, is kneeling back on the couch in front of Maggie, now, her hands in her own lap, now.

“Are you done?” she asks softly, gently.

Maggie nods and looks away, and Alex raises her index finger to her chin and helps Maggie meet her eyes.

“You do not ruin things. You do not destroy things. You aren’t broken, Maggie, and you aren’t a… a curse. You’re the masterpiece, Maggie, because you… you have survived hell – hell that your own family put you through, hell when you were a child and needed all the love and protection that I wish I could have been there to give you then – and after all that, the worst thing you do, what, you cheated on someone? Okay, that’s bad. That’s really, really bad. But Maggie, doing a bad thing doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you a person. I’ve tortured people, Maggie, I’ve… I’ve killed people. People with families, people… people. And you still say I’m… those things you said I am.”

“A masterpiece, the most incredible woman in all of creation, the – “

Maggie’s smiling now, and it makes Alex smile, too, but she shushes her softly, because she’s not done.

“Maggie, I don’t love you because you’re perfect, or because I thought you actually were perfect. I love you because you like gross food like double toasted bagels and vegan ice cream, and I love you because you take care of the queer kids of color your precinct would rather lock up, and I love you because you have terrible morning breath and I love you because you make me laugh and I love you because you stand up for yourself and I love you because you’re stubborn and because you’re loyal and because you’re passionate and because you’re neurotic about parking regulations and because you’re into weird things like bonsai trees.”

“Hey, don’t hate on my trees.”

“And I love you because that’s the thing you decide to pipe up about. I love you, Maggie, and god, I’m sorry, am I saying it too much, I just… it’s like a floodgate, now that I told you I have to keep saying it, because Maggie, you deserve it. You deserve to be loved, and you deserve to be loved for exactly who you are. For everything you’ve ever been and everything you’ve ever done and everything you are now and everything you will be in the future. I want to be in your future, Maggie, I… you’re amazing, Maggie. You’re amazing, and you just… I love you, Maggie. I love you. I love you, I – I’m going to stop talking now. Sorry.”

“I don’t deserve you, Alex.”

“But you said you love me?”

A silence. A long, long, long silence.

Alex’s eyes are wide and Maggie’s eyes are soaked and she reaches to cup Alex’s cheeks in her hands and she kisses every centimeter of her face because “Yes, Alex. Yes, yes, yes. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“Well then. I don’t feel like I deserve you, and you don’t feel like you deserve me. But I love you. And you… you love me? You love me.” She can’t help but straighten and smile and Maggie chuckles wetly.

“Nerd.”

“You love that I’m your nerd.”

“My nerd. I like the sound of that.”

“Maggie. I want to be with you. Let me be with you. But like… really with you. So you have to try to trust me, to let me love you properly. Okay?”

“Do I have to?”

“Maggie.”

“I don’t like talking about myself, Alex.”

“I know.”

“But I… I trust you.”

“Well that’s a start.”

“Yeah.”

“You know what else would be a start?

“Mmm?”

“Heading over to the Baldwin and talking to Emily. You deserve closure, Maggie. You both do.”

“Alex, I – “

“I’ll drive you. I’ll be right outside the whole time.”

“You won’t leave?”

“Never.”

“Because you love me.”

“Who’s the nerd now?”

“For you? Every time, Alex. Every single time.”

Bad hookup survival guide

About a week ago I hooked up with someone and I felt absolutely disgusted, used, disappointed, and dirty because I wasnt comftorable, pleased, or happy with the situation and felt scared to say no so for personal reasons and recent experiences, I decided to share a personal lil guide I made that i follow after a really bad hook up.
*Reminder - this is a PERSONAL guide. What works for me may not work for you. Take what you need and leave the rest
-
1- Deep throating a dirty dick made me appreciate my tooth brush 10x more. I start off by brushing my teeth and flossing, followed by mouth wash. After this i’ll pour myself something to drink to calm my nerves. I recommend tea even tho i’m pouring myself a shot or 5 of vodka.

2- I’ll pick out clean and comftorable underwear, a clean bra, and a big T-shirt to change into for after my bath.

3- I’ll run my bath with warm water and dump ½ a cup of apple cider vinegar in with bath salts. I usually use lavender or eucalyptus. You best believe i’m dumping a shit load of body wash in there too, everyone knows a bubble bath is therapy.

4- I massage a deep conditioner into my scalp because that mofo yanked the shit out of my hair a little too hard and now my heads a little sore and my hairs a little knotted.

5- I scoop a generous amount of scrub and work it onto my legs, arms, belly, etc and rinse it off. At this point i’ll turn on my shower head then dose my loofah with body wash and scrub the shit out of my skin. Maybe a little too rough but it gives me the illusion that i’m washing away what the person I hooked up with did.

6- At this point I usually sit in the water to soak for a bit longer or i’ll rinse off and drain the tub and get out. I dry off and cover my body in lotion and spritz a comforting scent on (jasmine, lavender, vanilla) to get the smell of him off me.

7- after this I know my pussy is hurtin. When a guy cant get you wet and rips your dry pussy up it can take a toll on you and your pussy’s emotional health. I’ll take a wet warm wash cloth (please no soap) and gently press it on my labia for any swelling. Then i’ll rub on some coconut oil and put on my panties. No masturbating, let her chill for a bit and recover

8- ok so now that ive done all this i’ll put on my bra and Tshirt and get into bed. I like to write how i’m feeling or honestly just bawl my eyes out and remind myself of these 5 things-
~Who I sleep with doesnt define me
~How many people Ive slept with doesnt define me
~What I do in bed doesnt define me
~I am not less of a person
~I will be okay. My body will be okay. My heart will be okay.
-
This was kind of a messy little list I put together. Ive been meaning to write this and once I did I cant even put all my thoughts and routines into something that makes sense. But bad hook ups can really take a toll on you. They take a toll on me. And I want to give some kind of supports to others who find themselves in the same situation. Its a kind of misunderstood thing where you feel awful because you agreed to what you were doing but you still feel violated.

I dont know if i alredy send this, because my internet is bad ;u;

So, Jakei-senpai! I realy LOVE, underverse, and i hope this amazing animation serie have a great underversary <3

 Ever time i was bored or sad, i watch again the Underverse videos, and i feel better! You are a amazing and nice person, Jakei! I hope you be fine!

Happy underversary!!!! :3

(ps: sorry for the bad english ;u; i am a brazilian fan! <3)


Response: Thank you so much for your words and your fanart. Maybe the next part is taking so much this time but I’m really glad you still watching the other parts. I hope the next one can make you feel better, too!

Proper Introduction

Hello, I am the mod behind nemovonsilver. I go by Von. I am a self-taught artist. I mostly prefer to doodle ponies and silly cartoons. I am 5′4 foot but full of love. I currently weigh 110 but normally weigh between 105 and 110. Never any less or any more. 

I love both guys and girls, but prefer to identify myself as pansexual. Because in the end, the gender never really matters to me. As long as I love that person, then that’s what’s more important. I actually really love cuddling. But I am not too friendly with strangers IRL unless they give me a good vibe. I really do love to make friends and welcome all. Unless I get bad vibes from you. Then I will grow distant.

I am in a few fandoms that I am happy with; MLP, WWE, K-Pop, Vocaloid, and Steven Universe. I have a very active and bubbly personality. I am usually very happy. Unbelievably, I have very high tolerance. I use to get so annoyed so fast.

I really love to watch scary movies. I  also have a massive interest in the paranormal investigation shows. Not sure why. But it had always interested me since I was young. 

I am a very loving individual and always care so much for others. Even though it’s bad for me. I tend to get taken advantage of. But I just can’t help but want to make people happy. I just want for everyone to feel loved and important. Just ask my friends. I keep spoiling them, lol. I am also very stubborn, petty, perverted, and a real smart ass. I love to joke too. A lot.

I promote a lot of MLP OC art blogs because I think their art is great and want to share their blog with everyone else. I want them to get as much exposure as possible. To help boost their self-esteem. So that they’d want to keep drawing. I know what’s it’s like to start off as a new blog and what it feels like to think your art isn’t good enough.

I really love my best friend @staticthepegasus

My good friends @nessie-wolfmod, @phoeberias-den, @jay-muse,​ @ask-elora, @askthe-twistedking, and @thebonecollectorpony

And my loyal husband and wife @ask-frizzmane and @greaserparty

I hope that after taking the time out to read this, you all now have a better understanding of me.

Dear Addict

Dear addict,
Dear alcoholic,
Dear meth head,
Dear crack whore,
Dear anyone struggling with addiction,

I am writing you this letter
in the hopes that you someday come to know
just how beautiful you really are.

I mean,
has anyone ever told you
just how much you deserve to heal?
Has anyone ever said to you,
“My God, my God,
even with those track marks,
even with those sunken, sullen eyes,
even with that tired heart,
I am so glad that you are still here.”

Dear addict,
Did you know that you are
not a bad person even when you use?
Did you know that just because
your problems are more obvious,
it does not make you any more different?

Dear addict,
Dear leech on society,
Dear open wounds,

Do not feel like an infection
just because your soul
is so inflamed.
Do not pick your skin tonight.
Do not tell yourself you are worthless
even after stealing all of your mother’s
money from her change purse.

Do not plan your funeral on the street
next to the subway because
you do not have to die tonight!
Because I know those dirty, blistered feet
just need to rest, and they can rest here.

Close your eyes.

Dear addict,
I love you.
Dear addict,
You are not your problems.
Dear addict,
I’ve seen you rise once before.
Dear addict,
You have a future.

Dear addict,
look now to the mirror.
Never have I seen a sewer rat
with such hopeful eyes before.
Never have I seen a piece of garbage
with such a loving, beautiful family.

Dear addict,
Do you see what I am seeing?

Dear human,
you are worth every single hour you will spend
recovering.
You are brighter than any star
you were born from.
You are more loved than your
aching, broken heart leads you to believe,
more than you can even imagine right now.

Dear mother, father, brother, sister, lover, best friend,
Do it for yourself.
Do it because you deserve the treatment.

Patiently yours,
Sobriety

7

HEYYY…so here’s some stuff!

Those of you who’ve never seen my 2011 SVA thesis film “Balancing Act”, go check that out. Super-long-story-short, it’s my “magnum opus” IP that I really wanna do something with someday. Alternatively, it’s that “I made this in Elementary School and created a bunch of characters based on me and my friends and wanted to make my own animu idea that usually goes nowhere and has been in development for 20+ years while I work on other/newer/better ideas” IP. Y’know, one of those. You probably see ‘em on DeviantArt and Tumblr all the fucking time; hence why I don’t really post stuff about it online much these days. That said, posting this art here isn’t a confirmation that something’s happening with it. I’d just stocked up SO many doodles and sketches I felt like putting them out there eventually. Some of these date back as far as 2012 and this isn’t even half of them since I have plenty from various sketchbooks I’ve never scanned.

“What the fuck is this shit, Kirb!?” WELL KIDS, it’s the adventures of self-insert-I-wish-I-was-a-superhero-character and his friends as they go through their trials and tribulations of forming a makeshift superhero team and fight bad guys and learn valuable life lessons about being different, self-acceptance, dealing with deep personal issues and eating healthy or some bullshit. It’s gone through countless re-iterations as I’ve grown and learned and expanded my life views. I want it to be a story that’s really deeply impactful and meaningful, but it’s not something I’m ready to do yet. I need to get better at all aspects of film-making and storytelling. There’s a lot of basic things about “what am I saying?” regarding the story that haven’t been fully fleshed out. Might be years before I ever get to that point; or maybe I never will. Who knows. But once in a while, I’ll draw these four kids and experiment around with shit.

“Frost” (the skinny fuck who looks like ani-’me’) has various blue and white hoodies, is generally awkward (I made him way too “””cool””” in the thesis film; I was emulating Yusuke Urameshi’s sarcastic attitude) and a massive fuck-up (JUST LIKE ACTUAL-ME, HEYYY) and I’ve spent the last year on the story side of things researching a lot about various mental illnesses and how to apply them to him in ways that benefit his development as part of a team he fits into (or not).

“Ilaqua” was previously the character based on (and who looked like) Mike Luckas, that I decided…now I think well over 3 years ago, to change to a girl. I debated back and forth which character to switch (because I wanted two guys and two girls on the main cast) and thought about changing the Earth-elemental guy, but decided to gamble on tossing her in with the many, many Water-elemental girls. (a.k.a. I felt it was easier to differentiate Girl!Mike from the likes of Katara and Korra than seeing Girl!Nick get more-easily compared to Toph.) Mike helped me re-design her (which was also tricky to make sure she wasn’t too similar to Grace Liu’s Enna) and “Mikaela” has become one of my favorite characters to draw.

“Nico” (now re-named in tribute to TwistedGrimTV) is mostly the same. Honestly, getting a hat shape with him that I don’t despise has been my biggest difficulty with him. I also wanna try giving him way more exaggerated anatomy (something like Sajad Gharibi); a body he’d be picked on for having even though he’s not violent at all by nature (he’s actually meant to be more paranoiac and anxious), nor is he “the big dumb one”.

“Kathy” is also mostly the same, but there’s been some minor things I keep trying to fix with her design that I can’t quite get right. I wanted to go more gothic with her choice of fashion, which lent itself to her mysterious demeanor. My biggest aggravation is finding a hair-shape that isn’t a pain in my asshole. It’s evolved a lot from the Rumiko Takahashi-style cut, but I’m still not happy with any particular shape yet.

I also had some help from Mike Luckas and Xander Mobus on trying to design some practical, yet “we have no money or resources to get really efficient ones” superhero costumes. Most of their superhero nicknames (invented by Frost, which the new TMNT beat me to the punch on with Michelangelo’s nicknames for the bad guys, whoops.) are still WIP. Currently I like “Cardice” for Frost and “Landlord” for Mantel. Previously Ilaqua was “Firefighter” and Kathy was “Brightside” but those both may change; they might all change. Hell, ALL of this might change in 15-20-30 years from now if this ever gets made.

On that note, I GREATLY appreciate all the interest in it! I’ve had many folks from time to time ask if I ever plan on doing something more with this concept. It is my every intention to someday; in fact I THINK about it every day. Maybe I’ll do it as a movie, maybe it’ll still be a series like I originally thought, or maybe somehow it’ll be a game or something. Maybe it’ll be none of those things. Maybe it’ll be a hologram projected directly into your brain stem. Who the fuck knows. Here’s a bunch of drawings about it. Enjoy. Or not.

Meeting

AJ Styles/OC- Reader breaks a rule while waiting for AJ to come home from his meeting, but breaking the rules will lead to punishment.

Warnings: DADDY KINK(to the max), spanking, overstimulation, light choking i think thats it.

So quick note, this is my first time writing and I would love to hear some feedback as well if I should write something else. I don’t know if people want to be tagged in this but let me know if you want to be in the future. So yeah be nice please!

Keep reading

This post got me thinking so much about how so many in this fandom view Jensen as only a tool to validate some ship and like to disparage him whenever he does/says something that might not go along with popular opinions of certain shippers. And I’m looking in every direction here. There are lovely people among all shippers, but there are appalling ones everywhere too. But what you ship shouldn’t even matter in this regard. What matters is that Jensen should be able to voice an opinion without hundreds of people trying to find some hidden meaning in it or - even worse - a hidden agenda that stems from internalised misogyny or homophobia. You don’t like what he says? Fine. Does it make him a bad person for having a different opinion than you? No.

People should really learn that respect goes both ways. Personally, I would feel rather distressed by so many strangers putting labels on me and trying to define who I am without even knowing me. I think the same goes for most people, especially if it’s done with such frightening dedication. Don’t tell me that you honestly like Jensen and respect him, when you try to present him as a completely different person than he appears to be and call everything he does that doesn’t fit your view on him “fake” and “hiding his true personality”. Because that actually only shows that you like Jensen for who you want him to be, not the person he is all on his own.

I could have added this to my response to the other post, but I think this applies to so many more instances where Jensen got hated on for daring to do/say something that goes against certain ships or doesn’t fit the way people want to see him. And this needs to stop!

Take that post I linked for example and look at the majority of responses and tags from other people. Look how most of them find all these theories about Jensen at least “interesting” and even more taking it as valid facts (even though the OP did say that it’s her thoughts on the matter only). I know there will always be haters who have absolutely nothing else to do than to dedicate all their free time to hate on other people. I don’t understand it, but I’m under no illusion to change that. But I do hope that if more people who like Jensen for the wonderful man he is will speak up, that maybe there will be more awareness about how wrong this behavior towards Jensen truly is.

People are always questioning whether subtle changes in language actually make a difference. Let me tell you: making a conscious effort to remove ableist language from my vocabulary has done wonders for combating my own internalized ableism.

It feels very natural for me, everytime I make a mistake, to call myself dumb or stupid or an idiot. Initially, I didn’t think avoiding these words would do much to change how I feel about myself. My reason for cutting out ableist language was to avoid hurting other people. Full stop.

Now that it’s become a habit for me to stop myself from using that language as a knee jerk reaction, I find myself having to step back and think about what I really mean to express.
For example, when I make a mistake, I make it a point to say something like, “That was short-sighted of me” rather than “I acted exactly like the stupid idiot I am.”

The long-term result of this has been astounding. Thinking of my mistakes as “shortsighted” or “unwise” instead of an inevitable result of my stupidity has helped to distance them from my self image. For the first time, I’m able to recognize that I can do foolish or even unethical things without being an inherently bad person. Likewise, I can be a good person if I hold myself accountable and make an effort to avoid falling into the same pattern in the future.

Maybe this sounds overdramatic to you, but I would seriously recommend that others try to make these kinds of subtle changes in their everyday use of language. At the very least, those changes can help you avoid insulting someone by mistake and can undermine problematic cultural attitudes over time. On top of that, you might start to notice some pretty amazing perspective shifts over time.

I miss creating OC couples with friends! I want to do that again, but at the same time– too busy with other stuff TT TT

You guys have really no idea of how happy I am now….

I relate to Jughead so much in this scene, like… I hate loud and crowded places and that crazy party was just making me so mad that I was feeling bad just from the pics.

I feel like an old person sometimes, but I guess that’s really the truth behind being an introvert. We feel like we’re not making the same decisions as other people from our age do, and we even feel a bit guilty about that at first. It’s funny to think that a “"kid”“ would rather stay at home or in a quiet place, where they can really enjoy the time and pay attention to their surroundings instead of going out with a bunch of other children.

Personally, I love going to the movies. Whenever I have to go to the mall and I really have nothing important to do there, I make my way to the cinema and pray for the room to be as empty as possible. I love empty cinema rooms. They make me feel safe and they give me a good time. I don’t mind going alone- I even prefer that sometimes- and seeing this part of me being played on by my favorite characters is something that warms my heart.

He found someone who gets him. He found someone who’s willing to ditch a crazy party just so they could go catch the last session of the cinema. He found someone who understands him and who enjoys being around him.

And this is just too beautiful. They’re both so happy and I love this show even more now.

Thank you all the producers, directors, RAS, the cast and pretty much everyone involved for showing this moment. Honestly, thank you.

(Though that’s just my interpretation of the pic. I’m not even sure if that’s what they’ll be doing, but I felt like writing it. It was stuck in my throat for quite a long time already, actually…)