i am a professional adult

The Do’s and Don’ts of caring for a loved one with a BFRB

Let me preface this by saying that I am not a medical professional (or even an adult for that matter). However, I do have the experience of being a sufferer of trichotillomania for several years with an unsupportive family. I also know that there are very limited resources when it comes to sufferers of BFRBs and their friends/significant others/family. BFRBs manifest differently to different people, so take this all with a grain of salt. These are just things that have found to be true in my years of struggling with my trich, and if you are a sufferer, feel free to add on anything that I have missed! I hope that this can be a little helpful!

Do Not:

Slap/grab/pull/or have any contact with their hands at all

If you think you are helping with this, you are gravely mistaken. Most times we will know if we’re picking/pulling, with a few exceptions. Even if we are not aware, this reaction is never okay, much less helpful.

Get visibly angry/frustrated/upset

Believe it or not, we are not doing any of this on purpose or for fun! It’s quite the nightmarish condition, with almost no help available to us at all, despite it being more common than you would think. We are more frustrated at ourselves than you will ever be at us, so adding your frustration on top of it all will only make it considerably worse. Let me echo the first phrase none of this is done on purpose or ‘’for funsies’’ if you get angry there is literally no reason for it and you’re being an asshole to a person who’s already suffering. Any display of frustration or aggression will most likely make your love one feel not only disappointment at themselves for pulling/picking, but a disappointment to you for pulling/picking.

Question them while pulling/picking as to why they are doing it

You know we have this condition. While pulling/picking sometimes flares at random, stress can be a large factor figured into it. Cornering them and asking why they’ve started to pull will only make it worse, and the added stress will make it considerably harder to stop, at least in my experience. If they are trapped in a stressful situation, do your best to remove them from it and ask questions later. Berating them while they are pulling/picking is literally one of the worst things you can do and I repeat it will not help in any way, shape or form or get them to stop. It will make it worse.

Do not confront them about recent hair loss/scabbing

Believe us. We know when we’ve relapsed. Having someone come up to you and mention it is basically like having your ‘’failure’’ being thrown in your face. It’s upsetting, very upsetting. 

Do not question them as to ‘’Why do you do this?’’; ‘’Why don’t you just stop????’’

If we could stop we would. No one, literally no one enjoys ripping out their own hair/breaking open their own flesh/whatever your behavior entails. If there was some magic button I could press that would cause me to stop pulling out my hair, I would do it! However, BFRBs are legitimate disorders. 

Would you ask someone who had a broken leg, why they just won’t take off their cast and walk? Would you tell someone with a peanut allergy to just eat a jar of peanut butter and get over it?

No! Of course you wouldn’t! Because that’s a ludicrous idea!

The thing a lot of people don’t understand about BFRBs, is that if we do not do our behavior, for most sufferers it can be physically painful. While the thing is destructive, and seems painful and easily avoidable for the observing party, for the sufferer it’s almost unavoidable. Not only can it be painful, it’s hard to focus on literally anything else when you have the urges.

This is also demeaning, and makes it seem like we would have to put in no effort at all to give us a magical ‘’cure’’, just because you brought us this piece of very obvious advice that we have heard a thousand times before. The reality is that in order to stop pulling, you have to literally fight a battle with yourself and learn tools against yourself for the rest of your life, knowing that at any time you could ruin years of hard work. It’s terrifying and by no means is it easy, so don’t treat it like that.

Do not go through their rooms/floors/trashcans/vacuums looking for evidence of their relapsing

This should be a given. Not only is it invasive of our privacy, I can guarantee that we know exactly how much we’ve ‘’slipped up’’ and have already spent every waking hour of the day beating ourselves up about it. You may think you’re helping by ‘’alerting us’’, but it’s only beating a dead horse and making our lives that more miserable. It also makes us feel like a criminal, or that we should have the power to just wave a wand and say ‘’Be gone my illness! Be gone!’’

Make jokes at their expense/Demean them/Treat them as a burden or embarrassment 

Plain and simple. If you love them, you wouldn’t and will not do this. If your loved one does this to you, I would advise you to get them far away from you. You are not an embarrassment. You are worth the world and more than your BFRB.

Do:

Be understanding

Listen to them. BFRBs are almost never talked about, so of course you’re not going to understand it! Ask them to tell you what you need to know about their condition. Communicate with each other!  However remember to apply common sense and respect with the questions you ask. If you love them, this should not be a problem!

Be supportive

It may be incredibly odd to you at first, but once again, it’s a condition that doesn’t get a lot of coverage. Your loved one has trusted you enough to open up about their condition to you, which was probably incredibly embarrassing and scary for them. Please try your hardest to be supportive of their journey to recovery/ongoing battle with a ‘’gross’’ mental illness. 

Learn what helps with their urges/what you can do to help!

BFRBs are different for everyone! Learn from your loved one if there’s anything you can do to help them with their urges and flareups! Who knows, there might be something you can do to help, or you can at least learn when to steer-clear.

Treat them like a normal person

Having a BFRB doesn’t make you into some sort of freaky monster. It’s just like any other mental illness. We are still living, breathing and functional people! 

I was gonna do stuff today but it was more fun to eat candy and draw on my hair with a teal hair-crayon so emulate Xern also I turn 31 in February and am a professional adult!! I’m sorry you’re all great thanks for support and kindness!! ;w; ❤️

Tumblrs Guide to: What To Do in Case of an Auto Accident

As Tumblr’s self proclaimed Auto Insurance Claims adjuster, I am here to help everyone know what to do in case you are in an accident. I am currently an Injury Claims Adjuster for a large auto insurance company. I’ve been doing this for going on four years now. I spent over 2 years just handling total loss vehicles. I also handle arbitration hearings where I make the final fault determination on a disputed claim between two other insurance companies. Trust me, I know what I am doing.

I truly hope you are never in an accident. But it happens to the best of us.  Here is my guide to what to do if you should ever be in the wrong place at the wrong time and in an accident.

•Stay calm.

Accidents happen to the best of us. Even myself as a claims adjuster I’ve been in an accident while employed by my company. 99.9% of accidents are just that, accidents. They don’t happen because someone has a vendetta against you. Stay calm. Don’t get angry. Don’t yell. If you stay in a normal mood then the situation will stay manageable. Keeping a normal mood helps you stay in control of the situation. I am aware that just because you are calm doesn’t mean the other parties will be calm, if they aren’t calm, and you are in a safe spot, stay in your car (if its safe to do so) or someplace else separate for them and wait for the police. 


•Make sure you and your passengers are OK.

This is important, are you okay? Adrenaline is probably pumping and your heart is thumping, but stop and take a moment to calm down. Are you okay? If you or your passengers are in pain, bloody, have loss of consciousness, call 911. Its better to have an ambulance there to check you out and leave than to assume its okay and the pain will go away. Remember, you can replace cars, you can replace belongings, but you can’t replace people.


•Move as far off the roadway as possible, but stay at the scene of the accident. 

If your car is moveable, its always best to move it off the roadway. I know you might want to preserve where you are so the police can see, but your safety and others safety is always number one priority. Warn oncoming traffic by activating your hazard warning lights and/or setting flares, and if its dark, get to a location where traffic can easily see you. Don’t park it on a hill in the dark, and if you have to, make sure all your lights are on and hazard lights are on. If possible, have someone direct or warn traffic up ahead if its hard to see the accident scene in the dark. Again, your safety and others safety is number one priority. You can replace cars, you can’t replace people!

•Call the police.

Call 911 or the appropriate emergency number to report the accident. Sometimes police will not come out if its a non injury accident or if all the cars are moveable. If one party does not have insurance or a drivers licenses, defiantly call the cops.  They will come out for those situations, even if its a minor fender bender. My best philosophy, always call the police and let them tell you if they will or will not show up. Don’t assume. 

•NEVER admit fault.

I do not care if you rear ended someone, or hit a parked car. Do not discuss the car accident with the other parties involved in the accident, best advice is don’t discuss with anyone other than the police, and your claims representative. Always keep in mind, your insurance company determines fault. The police don’t even determine fault, they determine who broke the law, and who might contribute to the accident. And fault is defiantly not based on someone saying it was their fault at the scene. Your insurance claims adjuster is trained to look at the accident at all angles. Just because you made a left turn in front of someone and they hit you doesn’t mean you are completely at fault. Every driver has a duty to avoid an accident, and you can’t cause an accident to avoid an accident. Just let the pro’s determine whose at fault. 

•Exchange information with the other driver involved in the car accident.

Best advice I can ever give you, USE THAT CELL PHONE YOU HAVE IN YOUR HANDS AND DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. Take pictures of all vehicles, license plates, drivers license, insurance cards. Don’t just write it down, take pictures.  Take pictures of all the cars, try to get a picture of all four angles that way your adjuster, if needed, can see all aspects of the damages. And while you are at it, take a picture of where it happened. Write down the name, address, phone number and license numbers for all drivers and witnesses, particularly those who were not riding in a vehicle involved in the accident. Ask for the insurance companies and policy numbers for drivers involved in the car accident. 

•Contact your insurance company and report the claim.

Don’t wait for the other party to do it. Step up, be an adult, and do it yourself. The idea that insurance companies are big bad people is a myth. Our job is to protect you. We can’t do that if you don’t tell us about an accident. Even if you are not at fault, report it. It can come back to bite you in the butt. The whole idea of not wanting your insurance company to know is a joke. We will know. Once a claim is filed with your information, it goes into a database called CLUE or Lexis Nexis. and we will know about it come renewal time. Thats why its always best we find out from you than from another source. The sooner your insurance company knows about the accident, the sooner they can start working to resolve your claim. Again if you aren’t at fault, then in most cases, it won’t affect you rates wise. Check with your agent or company to see how they handle not at fault accidents. But again, your insurance job is to protect you. You pay them lots of money to protect you, and to help you when you have an accident. We are the experts and we are here to guide you. You don’t have accidents everyday, neither do we as adjusters, but we do help people move forward from them every day. Trust us! Once you call them and report the claim, don’t stop there, cooperate with your adjuster. Give a statement, tell them what happened, ask them questions. Don’t just think its done once you call it in, they will let you know once the claim is done and they don’t need anything else from you. 

anonymous asked:

i've been doing some research after i noticed some similarities between us, with things you post under your autism tag, and i was wondering if it's possible to self diagnose autism? because i think i may be autistic but i don't want to sound like an idiot?

ah okay so yes!!! you can 100% self diagnose as autistic. i am so! autism is hard to get professionally diagnosed as an adult (it happens, but it’s expensive and hard to do, especially if you don’t already have a therapist) (which i’m just assuming ur an adult or at least not super young yeah). and autism is really under diagnosed in people of colour and women (i’m gonna also include afab).  

+here is the best post with tons of tools for self diagnosing (bitterautistic is literlaly the bet person and so great to talk to about autism)

the quizzes in the post are a really good place to start. reading over the dsm 5 is good, too. um um. i would honeslty just go through the links in that post and see what feels Right to you

which, for the record, not everything will. even if you are autistic, there are definitely aspects that aren’t going to fit. autism is so different for everyone. just because you don’t display one symptom doesn’t mean necessarily mean you’re not autistic.

i went through my old blog’s autism tag bc there’s more and here are just a handful of good posts:

one | two | three | four 

and i’m 100% here to talk about this stuff, especially if you have questions. autism was a big special interest for me so i Love talking about this stuff. so yeah. definitely here to talk about it. i’m sending u love and support as you try to figure this out!!!

ok nerds buckle up i got some andreil getting kids hcs that wont let me sleep so here we go:

  • So straight up at some point neil and andrew get married
  • like not fancy wedding with vows married but like neil has the Money Smarts™ bc he has to do the taxes for both of them or Andrew would be in jail for tax evasion or smthin like this man is not an adult
  • BUT ANYWAY neil is like we would save so much damn money money if we got married from tax breaks (idk if thats like real or not, i am also Not an Adult™)
  • andrew is thinking to himself “We are professional athletes i know u “donate” a lot of money but we have an apartment, 2 cats, and like 4 nieces/nephews why do we need more money??”
  • this is after they get on the same professional team btw
  • but he is Whipped™ so he’s like “sure whatevs”
  • they dont do rings or any fancy shit
  • they just go down to the courthouse on the way to practice one day, grab some random couple who are also getting married (lets call them George and Sarah) and they witness the other couple’s marriage amd sign the licenses
  • George and Sarah recognize them of course, they aren’t blind to local sports news
  • but they dont say anything bc like, they are decent human beings and its not their business so they just move on
  • tho they do have to make up some strange stories to tell all the people they know why Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard are the witnesses on their marriage license
  • woops
  • ANYWAY the team they play for does the usual sports charity dinner stuff™
  • and one time its a fundraiser for the local orphanages
  • and neil is like, being an adult and mingling and making small talk and subtley eyeing and checking over all the children that are brought to the dinner for awwwww factor
  • and andrew is in the corner being Emotionless™ and glares at anyone who comes over
  • and so no one does
  • except this thin girl who looks 13-14 but has this weary, broken look that makes her appear older
  • and holding onto her hand is this young boy, who looks 7-8, but he won’t raise his eyes from his shoes so andrew’s not sure
  • both are in worn clothing, the girl in a long sleeve dress  that is a little frayed around the edges, like the colors of her dress used to be brighter, but have washed out after so many owners
  • and the boy in a suit that is a little large, probably intentional so he could wear it even as he grew
  • and a they get closer andrew starts to notice some things
  • the girl limps ever so slightly, like she’s just sore, not from anything permanent that he can tell
  • and the boy has basic makeup on, like not lipstick and mascara but like foundation and concealer
  • and by this point the pair have arrived at andrew
  • and like andrew’s past is public at this point
  • somone was being Rude™ and diggin around in his history and got the court records and handed it out like candy to the press
  • it was a Bad Time™
  • anyway the girl marches up to andrew and says nothing
  • she just runs her finger down the boys cheek
  • revealing a burst of color as her finger wipes anway makeup to reveal sploches of what are new and healing bruises
  • and then pulls back her sleeves and little to reveal the dark imprints of hands across her arms
  • and the whispers
  • “help us, please”
  • and andrew just looks at her for a minute or so
  • bc like WHAT
  • but also he’s calculating what neil’s reaction would be
  • and he just stands up 
  • and is like
  • “you two are coming with me”
  • and he start to grab his stuff and head towards the exit
  • and the girl is just like, umm what excuse?
  • she was just on the receiving end of the Andrew Glare™ for a full, excruciating, minute and a half after delivering this desperate plea
  • so she like, catches up to him and is like, ummmmm, we can;t just leave???????
  • and he’s like, why not?
  • and she has to be like, umm paperwork to take home the abandoned children yes??
  • and andrew just glowers again
  • and stomps off to find whoever the hell is in charge of these children
  • neil on the other hand is clueless
  • he’s having a relatively nice night
  • andrew hasn’t tried to stab anyone yet
  • which kinda concerns neil but he isnt going to question it no sir
  • until he’s talking to some old doddering rich couple
  • who are kind of amusing in the old doddering couple way
  • but also kind of boring bc they just what to sit and make small talk about life in general
  • then suddenly andrew is there
  • shoving papers in his face
  • and neil is just like ??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!
  • but andrew says nothing except “sign these paper so we can leave”
  • and neil quickly excuses himself from the old couple and tows andrew off to the side
  • he passingly notices the girl and boy following them at medium distance
  • but he’s busy asking andrew wtf
  • and andrew is like
  • “we’re adopting these children, sign the initial foster papers so we can go”
  • and neil is like “um can we maybe talk first”
  • and andrew is like “ you got cats without asking me first this is no different”
  • and neil’s mouth drops open and he just stares between andrew and he kids for a couple seconds and his brain tries to catch up
  • and andrew gets impatient and shoves the papers at him again
  • and neil just sort of sighs and gets this look of resignation and signs the forms
  • bc he realizes that andrew would never just ADOPT CHILDREN without reason 
  • with all the shit he went through?????
  • no no
  • also he sees the line the girl (who’s name is Sarah) drew down the makeup on the boy’s (named Alexander) face and the bruises underneath
  • (of course andrew didnt know their names until he had to ask them what to put on the foster-care forms)
  • (the boob)
  • so they leave the event and of course there are the paps there
  • and someone is like “WHY DO YOU HAVE CHILDREN WITH YOU?”
  • and andrew just like stares at him and is like “ my husband and i are fostering these children whats it look like?”
  • which is of course how they come out both as gay and married 
  • bc andrew is an Instigating Little Shit™
  • and neil just sighs and gets in the car
  • and they get back to apartment and the first thing neil say to andrew is
  • “we’re gonna need to get a house”
  • and andrew just stares at him and is like
  • “not my problem”
  • neil sighs again

wow holy shit this got really long BUT WAIT THERES MORE

things not seen

  • the commotion andrew caused when he just walked up to the orphanage director, who was talking to several teammates of his and his head coach
  • and was like “give me the paperwork, im taking these two home”
  • he still doesnt know their names at that point
  • also the next day when both andrew and neil wake up to like 100s of phone calls and messages from the other Foxes
  • all variations on like “Congrats!” and “YOU GOT FUCKING MARRIED AND DIDNT SAY ANYTHING!!!!”
  • allison is just upset that she didnt get to plan a wedding for them
  • nicky is just Salty ™  for weeks

EDIT: ok someone sent me an ask asking for more so of course i did bc i am True Exy Trash™ so yeah that’s here 

++

Alright The Lizzie Bennet Diaries fandom, you did your duty and made fanvids to “I Won’t Say I’m in Love” and “Something There” so I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to complete the Emotionally Compromising Fanvids Set to Music from Animated Films trifecta and make that “At the Beginning” dream a reality.

This is my adult portioned, adult themed dinner made adultly by my adult self for my adult life. I am a professional and I am an adult. A professional Adult, you might say.