i am a level 8

7

Transfixed

sorry I’m kinda late this time. I would usually not post after 10 but I decided posting a part is more important than that. also I’m so mad the 2nd to last panel is crooked but I’m so tired to change that. anyway, i was out playing pokemon go like the trash I am but I’m only level 8 cause i live nowHERE my nearest stop is like 2 miles away hahaha. I went to a small town and now I’m v tired and my ears hurt. I wish the library was open longer

also like my mom asked if i was happier now that i can drive and I said not really cause I’ve been feeling really sad and awful recently but then she was like that was a rhetorical question of course you’re happy cause i happened to me smiling at the moment and I was just like… .-. ok. I guess the point is, don’t as me rhetorical questions

 Part 44

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Historia Reiss - 1.15 - Emotions
"Krista probably would've been worried for everyone. But Historia Reiss... wasn't loved by her parents or anyone for that matter... She didn't wish to be born into this kind of life... Everyone's lost hope haven't they? The real me is empty like this. There's no such thing as good girls like Krista Lenz."

Paper due at 11:59.

Paper finalized and submitted at 11:59

GET ON MY LEVEL.

IFH and Denials

Okay, since there has been so much discussion about the IFH today, I want to address the impact of the IFH and the Denials and my take is on that situation and will have to mention how proposed SOs fit into this picture. 

I will say that I don’t know what Sam and Cait’s relationship is, but it is clear to me they are fairly in-tune with each other in ways that only people who share a life would be.

1. First, I have no idea what prompted the IFH. This was before I joined the fandom in March of this year, so I can’t say. My gut feeling is that it has to do with the merger because let’s face it everything in this world always comes down to money and profits.

2. Okay, now let us deal with the IFH itself. I think some of you know that I saw the IFH first. In fact, it kind of started me on the ship. The IFH was so poorly handled, Cait seemed cold and arrogant and Sam came was so uncomfortable he resorted to being mean. I immediately suspected something. Nobody becomes that condescendingly defensive unless they are hiding something.

3. Further denials have hardly been convincing, actions are not exactly matching their words. They may be far more silent on SM now than before but when they are on SM it is clear their interests outside of OL align to that of two people who share a life, whatever they want to call this relationship. When in person, well, there is nothing to add, they still flirt as much as ever.

4. They do not show this type of interaction in person with anyone else.

5. Cait especially has had ample opportunity to claim her SO, assuming the proposed person is the SO and yet hasn’t. Yes, he keeps showing up at her work events, but that is basically it. He is at important events much like Sam’s publicist girl is at all important work-related events. 

6. For those of you who think Cait has been heading towards a slow reveal of her SO, I am going to say that it doesn’t take ~18 months (since EIFF) for a slow reveal, that is like a reveal at a glacial pace, not just slow.

7. Also, a slow reveal would suggest that as time goes on we would start seeing the SO in more private situations as well as work situations and with increased levels of…well…anything. I am still waiting.

8. Privacy is not really an issue in this case, she has brought him to basically every hugely visible public event…so as I said…mystery what she is waiting for.

8. As for Sam and blondes of choice, I have already said that people do him a great disservice making it sound like hooking up with every girl of a certain hair color is his major motivation in life outside of OL.

So, the IFH and denials have fallen fairly flat, in my opinion and it is no surprise that rumors of Sam and Cait dating persist, even in the media, without the help or instigation by shippers.

So, I say… ship on.

You’re an Imposter! Wait…

First of all, thank you for all those who responded about upcoming posts.  The general plan is to start sprinkling in interviews as of July.  (If any of you think you may want to do a Skype interview, please hit up my inbox.  I have a list of locals to start with but will love to expand.)  The Polyglot by Personality series will start at the very end of August, when I start school.  It will be a 16 part series, one article for each Myers-Briggs type and therefore can run for a bit while I’m in the chaos of starting a new school year.  Top Tips may start soon… I need to gather some data but would love to start getting those out to all of you.  On to today’s post, which was one of those requested.

We’ve all had those moments, both in language learning and in our general lives.  That moment when you become utterly convinced that you have NO idea what you’re doing, everyone else is surely going to realize it any minute now, and you will be ridiculed out of whatever it is you are faking doing. Amanda Palmer (whose book I am listening to and it is fantastic- I highly recommend it) calls it the fraud police.  Psychologists and personal growth experts call it imposter syndrome.

I’m fighting off a strong bout of imposter syndrome this week.  Next year I am offering a college level Spanish course in the high school I teach in, as a way to not only keep students in Spanish for a fourth year but also to get them a couple credits they can use.  This is all well and good but I ended up having to sell a bit of my summer soul to the college I’m adjuncting through and am taking a few graduate level Spanish courses.  I’m in the second week of my first course- a 5 week class on Chicano/a literature.

And I am freaking out.

It’s been 8 years since I wrote a college-level paper in Spanish.   The classes I teach now are focused on the basics of grammar and general communication.  And to top it all off, I am reading and writing academic papers analyzing LITERATURE which I haven’t done at this level in nearly a decade.  What the hell makes me think my Spanish is good enough to do this?

I mean sure I could read the professor’s syllabus as easily as I do English now but that doesn’t mean anything.

And I mean yeah I knew most of the words in the poetry we had to read last week and the few I looked up immediately made sense but I mean I used Google Translate.

And okay maybe I did score 11/12 on my first paper for the class (that I was certain I bombed because I couldn’t clarify in my own head what I wanted to say) but I mean he was probably being nice, right?

It can’t POSSIBLY be that I know my stuff… can it?

I think we all know the answer to this one.  See the thing is, if you are pulling something off in your L2 (or L3 or L9), you simply aren’t an imposter.  You are actively using your language and achieving tasks- which means you are a user of that language.  BUT knowing that rationally doesn’t always quiet the gremlins.  Especially when you are thinking about trying something (like going up to talk to that stranger in the coffee shop) but haven’t actually done it yet.  At those times, the fraud police can be particularly loud.

So what can we do when confronted with Imposter Syndrome?  Well here are my suggestions:

1) Recognize that being a LEARNER and an IMPOSTER are two different things. No one is expecting your language use to be perfect, even when writing a graduate level paper in Spanish.  It is okay to screw up within reason for your level and context.  That is part of being a learner, not a sign of an imposter.

2) To that end, realize the power of OWNING your mistakes.  By recognizing and owning your mistakes, you are more firmly establishing yourself as a learner who wants to improve, rather than an imposter who only wants to impress.

3) Realize that you are surrounded by EXPERTS, not idiots.  Here’s the thing about imposter syndrome- when you think you are somehow fooling everyone that you can do something when you can’t, you are actually saying you are smarter than they are.  I am not so brilliant at faking Spanish that I fooled my professor into giving me an A-.  He has a Ph. D. in Spanish literature and is a native speaker to boot.  No, a far more likely possibility is that maybe, just maybe, my Spanish is better than I give myself credit for and maybe other people’s judgments to that effect have merit.

4) At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.  If you accomplished your tasks in your target language, it really doesn’t matter how you did it.  Maybe you consider yourself a fake for using a translator to help you or for relying too heavily on gestures.  Maybe you question whether or not to jot down your language skills on your resume because you aren’t positive you’ll know all the jargon you need.  But here’s the thing- are you able to accomplish the tasks you encounter?  If so, you are no imposter my friend.  You are a language user.  Welcome to the club.

I had another moment of Imposter Syndrome this week when the tallies started coming in about what makes one a polyglot.  Many argue that you have to be able to speak 3 or even 4 languages fluently to qualify.  This made me concerned- I speak 2 languages fluently, I’m conversationalish in the 3rd, and I’ve finally hit beginner mid in my 4th.  Does this make me unqualified to call myself and my blog Polyglot Weekly?

I gave it some thought and came to the conclusion of no. I am well-educated in language education and linguistics.  I love languages and pursue them with passion.  I have 12-15 on my want to learn list and I make them an active part of my life. You see, I believe in the Polyglot mindset being more important than achieving the Polyglot dictionary title. Languages are an essential part of my being and to me, that makes me a Polyglot.

Have you ever encountered/dealt with Imposter Syndrome?  What worked for you?  I’d love to have more suggestions for those confronting it.  You are all as Real as it gets in my book!   And on that note, it’s time for me to sign off lovelies.   Keep calm and Polyglot On!