i am a jesus freak

The Dark Prophecy:

So I got another list of stuff for you since I just finished Rick’s new book. And I am SHOOK. Jesus freaking Christ. And SOO many CAMEOS ITS AMAZING. 10/10 would recommend guys. Now for your viewing pleasure- here’s The Dark Prophecy:

- Apollo talking shit about Hera’s liquorice and throwing shade
- “Hey, you two! No ancient dialects. Spanish or English please. Or Machine.”
- Leo calling Calypso babe omg Caleo <3
- LEONIDAS !!!!!!!!
- Hephaestus insulted Ares’ bellbottoms and caused a nuclear meltdown. That’s it. Those are the Olympians.\
- Like any decent god, demigod or engineer, Leo Valdez refused to be stopped by the laws of physics
- You BROKE MY GIRLFRIEND’S HAND!
- freaky ass blemmyae
- LEO CALLING HER CAL OMG MY HEART
- Hijo
- LEO CALLING APOLLO ESE?
- Leo being short is canon YESSS
- Lester most worthless of teens oh my god
- bADASS HUNTRESS LADY?
- AWESOME sentient building!!
- I’m SOBBING ZOEEEEEE FUCK YOU RICK!
- “I’ll be hexed” is my new fav expressionnnnn
- All these people whose names ended with o suddenly made me feel like my brand was being diluted. DEAD
- SUNNY
- The Magic 8 Ball struck me as a very shady form of divination—more like a Hermes game of chance than an Oracle worthy of me.
- LESBIAN HUNTERS OF ARTEMIS
- “We’ve been aging together ever since. Very happily.”
- What did he do with Georgina?” IS GEORGINA MEG?!
- “Hey, abuelita,” Leo said. “All da cows love Leo.” He grinned at me. “And these cows are red, man. Like… bright red.”
- When I am a god again, I will make a constellation out of you. I will call it the Small Exploding Latino.”
- We get Festus back, then we look up this place on Google Maps and fly down there.”
- AAH I MISS MY CAMP HALFBLOOD PEEPS
- “Griffins? Uh… Hazel and Frank told me about griffins. They fought some in Alaska. Said they were like rabid hyenas with wings.” I MISS FRAZEL
- Leo muttered a curse in Spanish. “I keep thinking about my little bro Harley back at camp. If somebody tried to hurt him…”BIG BRO LEO
- The young woman sat on the molding ledge, playfully swinging her legs. Her braided auburn hair made a ponytail so long it wrapped around her neck like a scarf
- Leo caught her wrist. “Hold up.” From his tool belt he pulled a folding yardstick. He extended it and poked the chair’s seat cushion. A bear trap snapped shut, ripping through stuffing and fabric like an upholstery sharknado. LEO BEING BADASS WITH TRAPS
- Leo. “I’m new to this heroic-quest business. Shouldn’t there be a reward at the end? Not just more deadly quests?” “Nope,” Leo said. “This is pretty standard.”
- THE TRAPPING BITCH GODDESS MAN
- “How can you be so calm?” I demanded. “I am going on a dangerous quest tomorrow with your girlfriend!”
- “These tofu enchiladas are sabrosas. Gotta get the recipe from Josephine. My homegirl Piper would love them.” LEO AND PIPER IM CRYING OMG
- Why me? Sob. Sob. Sob.
- yes, Trophonius clearly got his knockout good looks from me. MODEST.
- Not just because I still found Commodus attractive after so many centuries, not just because we had a, er, complicated history, but also because he reminded me what I used to be like. MODEST.
- Marcus the blinged-out jackal boy, and Vortigern the barbarian. Ookay.
- His hand rested easily on the pommel of a sword. His face was a patchwork of scars. His clothes were casual—just jeans, a red-and-white T-shirt that read CORNHUSKERS, and a red bandana tied across his curly dark hair— OH MY GOD. LOST HERO CAMEO
- The emperor clapped with delight. “Oh, nice! That was very entertaining, Lityerses!” “Thank you, sire.” The Cornhusker. SHIT MAN.
- NOW HAST THOU ASKED TOO MANY QUESTIONS, the arrow intoned. MY WISDOM DOTH NOT SPEW FORTH ANSWERS AS IF ’TWERE GOOGLE. I love this damn arrow.
- Leo and tater tots
- The sorceress muttered another Minoan curse, naming a part of Zeus’s body that I did not want to think about.
- “You’re a handsome idiot.”
- I gasped and collapsed. Through my half-lidded eyes, I watched Calypso turn on our enemies. “Now it is your turn, fools!” She began making the same rude gestures toward the Germani. The first one stopped. His face paled. He glanced at me lying on the ground, then turned and fled, barreling past his friend. The Germanus with the wounded foot hesitated. Judging from the hatred in his eyes, he wanted revenge for the missile weapon that had ruined his left boot. Calypso, undaunted, waved her arms and began to incant. Her tone made it sound as if she were raising the worst daimons from Tartarus, though her words, in ancient Phoenician, were actually a recipe for making pancakes. The wounded Germanus yelped and hobbled away, leaving a trail of smeared red prints behind him. CALYPSO YOU BADASS!
- Three passengers. I very much want to see Leo Valdez again. We have unfinished business.” “You know Leo?” Despite the danger we were in, I felt a small sense of relief. Finally, some villain wanted to kill Leo more than he wanted to kill me.
- Lityerses narrowed his eyes. “You’re not the same girl who was with him before. Her name was Piper. You wouldn’t happen to be Leo’s girlfriend?”
- Calypso nodded as if she’d come to a decision. “It’s going to take both of us. We’ll sing a duet. You have a decent voice.” “I have a…” My mouth was paralyzed from shock. Telling me, the god of music, that I had a decent voice was like telling Shaquille O’Neal he played decent offense, or telling Annie Oakley she was a decent shot.
- I blinked. “Zeus… singing?” I found the concept mildly horrifying. My father thundered. He punished. He scolded. He glowered like a champion. But he did not sing. Calypso’s eyes got a little dreamy. “In the palace at Mount Othrys, when he was Kronos’s cupbearer, Zeus used to entertain the court with songs.”
- It was a song older than empires—about two lovers separated and longing to be together.
- She would have toppled off the ledge if Leo hadn’t caught her. “Whoa, mamacita,” he said. “You okay?” She blinked sleepily. “I’m fine. Don’t fuss. And don’t call me—” She crumpled against Leo, who struggled to keep her upright. He glared at me. “What did you do to her?”
- Leo wagged a finger at Britomartis. “You’re lucky these ladies are such bosses.
- He decided to liberate a teal plastic pedal boat, and insisted we call him the Dread Pirate Valdez. (Meg loved this. I refused.)
- “We’ll get Peaches back,” I promised her. “Yeah, chica,” Leo agreed.
- “Hey.” Meg poked me in the back of the neck. “Remember what Percy told us? Never say stuff like We made it or That was easy. You’ll jinx us!” “My entire existence is a jinx.”
- He glanced over—no snappy comeback, no playful grin. “Just… Leo and Calypso’s Garage: Auto Repair and Mechanical Monsters.” “What?” “Something Cal and I used to joke about.”
- “Oh, come now,” I protested. “You like my singing.”
- a girl in gray camouflage paced like a jaguar. Her shoulder-length hair was stark white, though she looked no more than fifteen.
- a young girl in a lavender wool sweater and green jeans. Her tufts of brown hair looked like she’d cut them herself with gardening shears.
- I hoped Athena was watching, because WISDOM, BABY!
- Livia
- BOOM BITCHES THALIA’S BACK!
- Apollo DREAMED ABOUT THALIA
- “What is this? Not nectar…” “No,” Thalia agreed. “It’s moonwater.”
- “I think you decided to help me because you like me.” The corner of Thalia’s mouth twitched. “What makes you say that?” “Oh, come now. The first time we met, you said I was hot. Don’t think I didn’t hear that comment.” I was gratified to see her face turn red.
- Emmie says we could live like normal young people in this city. Even go to the local high school.”
- At some point, I gotta reconnect with my other peeps: Jason, Piper, Hazel, Frank. Lotta people out there still want to punch me.”
- I wasn’t sure I’d heard her correctly. “Piano lessons? Now?” “Not now, dummy. But sometime. Can you teach me?”
- CHASM OF HORRORS? THE STYX ARE THEY GONNA GO TO THE UNDERWORLD? WE’LL GET TO SEE NICO!!
- YEEEES THEY’RE GOING TO THE UNDERWORLD MAN!!
- She’d been trying to convince Zeus to forgive me. That was so sweet!
- Shit Apollo’s tripping
- MEG!!! NOOOOOO
- Oh my god this is horrifying
- Oh my GOD
- SHIT SHIT SHIT
- “Let the girl go,” I whimpered through the pain. “Kill me and let her go.” I surprised myself. These were not the last words I had planned.
- Oh my god peach babies
- Jimmy is GREAT
- Jimmy’s electricity was different—a more humid scent of ozone, a darker red hue to the flashes.
- PRINCESS BRIDE REFERENCE
- Damnnnn Apollo!
- “No,” Leo corrected. “He Lityerses-ly flew out the window. Am I right? Those were some sweet moves, man.” Lit nodded. “Thanks.” The two bumped fists as if they hadn’t spent the last few days talking about how much they wanted to kill each other. They would have made fine Olympian gods.
- SHIT SHIT SHIT
- ANOTHER PROPHECY?!
- Cloven?! Cloven? GROVER!
- Buy one prophecy, get three free? That was a lot of lines.” “It was a sonnet,” I said, still in disbelief. “May the gods help us; it was a Shakespearean sonnet.”
- “I—I might be, Georgina. I don’t know.” “’ Kay.” She held up the thing she was holding—a figure made of pipe cleaners—and pressed it into my hands. “Made this for you. You can take it with you when you go away.”
- AWWWWWW
- LEO YOU FIXED HIM!!
- So I’m in LOVE with the Wayhouse and it’s HOME FOR OUTCASTS AND RUNAWAYS OMG THIS IS AMAZINGGG
- “Yeah. The changeling lord… that’s gotta be my homeboy Frank Zhang. And the Devil’s Mount, that’s Mount Diablo, right near the camp. I hate Mount Diablo. I fought Enchiladas there once.”
- CAMP JUPITERS GONNA BE ATTACKED?!
- Frank the CHANGELING LORD WOAH
- “The Teumessian Fox? That’s the monster you’ve been hunting?”
- LEO YOURE GOING TO ROMEEEE
- His strange bronze hockey-stick weapon was nowhere to be seen. So the mysterious Olujime was a pit fighter, an accountant, a magical warrior, and an ostrich whisperer. Somehow I was not surprised.
- uh… a Greek-Roman type, is he? I mean, he’s not a legacy of you guys, the Olympians.” “No,” I agreed. “He is from a different tradition and parentage entirely.” Thalia’s short spiky hair rippled in the wind, as if reacting to her uneasiness. “You mean from other gods.”
- OTHER GODS
- SHIT
- We Olympians have always been used to living in close proximity to, ah… the competition.” “So you’re the sun god,” Thalia said. “But some other deity from some other culture is also the sun god?”
- JASON AND PIPER ARE IN HIGHSCHOOL
- GEORGIE AND HER MOMS THE BEST FAMILY OMG I WANNA SNUGGLE THEM
- “If you wish,” I said, “when I attain my godhood again, I will personally visit the Underworld. I will petition Hades to let your soul pass on to Elysium.” Agamethus offered me his 8 Ball.
- THEY NEED A SAYTR
- MEG SUMMON A SATYR!!
- SHE SUMMONED GROVER HOLY SHIT GROVERS BAAAAAAAAACK
- The dirt rolled away, revealing the form of a young man sleeping on his side. He looked about seventeen, perhaps younger. He wore a black collarless jacket over a green shirt, and jeans much too baggy for his legs. Over his curly hair flopped a red knit cap. A scruffy goatee clung to his chin.
- THE LORD OF THE WILD BITCH
- SHIIIIIT THEYRE GOING INTO THE LABYRINTH
- BUT GROVERS BACK OMG YEEEEEEES

Conclusion: SHOOK featuring Caleo

from-red-string  asked:

Another question: ON SCALE OF 1 TO 10 HOW MUCH ARE FREAKING OUT BECAUSE OF MICHAENTINA PIC? THEY LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL 💛 I need to calm down and keep shit together and go to bed, but I can't.

I think I am around…. 1209876789832467835748279274892

JESUS, THAT PIC WAS EVERYTHING. LIKE FREAKING GOALS RIGHT THERE. IF THEY AREN’T DATING, THEY SURE LOOK LIKE THAT. THEY CANNOT KEEP THIS “JUST FRIENDS” THING ANYMORE, BECAUSE HOLY SHIT, THAT PIC WAS SO 🔥🔥🔥🔥 I NEED THE WHOLE BOOK RIGHT NOW. 

Imagine if they finally confirm it with one of those pics. Imagine if there is a pic of them kissing! Holy shit, I would totally die right on the spot. 

anonymous asked:

I AM NO IMPOSTER I AM SIMPLY A SUPPORTER WHO WANTS A WIKI PAGE FOR THIS VERSION BECAUSE WIKIS ARE FOR COOL PEOPLE AND I THINK COOKIE IS COOL -with love, the wiki anon (who is not the one who actually mentioned you in the wiki I am sorry for not doing it myself Cookie-dev)

(adm: Oh my godddd X”DDDDDDDDDDDDD I’m DYING LMFAO Thank you so much anon omfg X”DDDDD and dw oh my god lmaoooooooo)

“Trump & Clinton are equally bad!”

Translation: I don’t know how the U.S. Supreme Court works. 

anonymous asked:

Emma's car is stuck on the side of the road, tires wedged deep in the snow, and no one is stopping to help. The bug is old and keeps stalling out, making it impossible to sit inside with the heat on. She could call David, but he's probably asleep by now.

Ugh, she knew she should have put on those damn tire chains. But it was just supposed to be a quick trip to the store, barely twenty minutes roundtrip from her apartment, and she had been desperate enough for brownie mix that she thought it would be worth the risk.

Apparently not.

Not only did she hit black ice and veer off the road into a thick patch of snow, but now, of all times, her car decides that it’s just had enough of her shit and won’t start up again.

There have been maybe a handful of cars on the road since she got stuck and absolutely none of them seemed the least bit interested in pulling over to help. It pisses her off, but, she thinks, if she were in their shoes, she probably wouldn’t brave the cold and the flurry of snow at close to midnight to help a stranger, either.

She softly hits her forehead against the steering wheel, jerking when she accidentally honks the horn. She could call a tow-truck, but her pockets are kind of empty at the moment and she’s not sure she’s willing to poke holes in them just to get her home.

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5

I’ve been reading on my couch and drinking wine for literally 6 hours and paused to take a bath and put on an old button down that I wore ALL THE TIME (which I will post a video of) and am like freaking out how fucking TINY I AM. Jesus Christ how silly it is to be sad over such shit when in 49 weeks I have lost 75 pounds and am fucking ON FIRE. Like the last photo on the bottom JESUS. And that swimsuit fit literally last May and that pic in the bathroom was from last week. I’m so proud of myself and I don’t care how much I post of it.

"Do you fancy me?" Part 6/?

Previews chapters

Word count: 1600

Dan’s hand smoothly traveled from your knee, up your inner thigh, tugging your dress in the motion and making your back arched. Your thoughts smudged, you could only make out the urge to kiss him. So cupping his face, you pressed your mouth to his. At first, it went fast and sloppy. You pulled on a bundle of his hair, his hands caressing your sides now. Even over the fabric the touch felt agonizing, his breath, like he just run a marathon.

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