i am a cretin

Hey guys! GX is a happy anime where nothing bad ever happens!

Do you see this dork? This is the protagonist! He never screws up nor does anything bad no sir

Just look at this face! Do you think he would ever do anything bad?

Just look how adorkarable he is!

He is always supportive of his best buddy! 

Did I mention he also got a cute mascot?

Oh and he gets even more awesome friends by season 3, which they have incredible adventures in faraway lands and seeing all sort of cool stuff. Sure, it can get dorky sometimes, but who doesn’t like some fluffy?

He’s like an hyper-active puppy! 

So yeah if you are into high school shenanigans and want a fun and lighthearted series, you should definitively try GX!

anonymous asked:

I can't believe antis are trying to claim larries invented the concept of pap walk. Yes offence antis need to get out of their little anti bubble and look into some other fandoms or into the countless articles and docs about pap walks

this is still my fave paparazzi related thing that ever happened:

with this being a close second:


cut to the pap pics a few days ago where the baby’s face STILL has not been blurred out

it’s not gay if it’s goodbye


Valter/Subaki C-A Support

 Written by  snapdrakegames


Subaki: Good evening, Valter.

Valter: Hmm… who are you? I’ve seen you scurrying around once or twice.

Subaki: I am Subaki, retainer of the noble Lady Sakura.

Valter: Ah, that delectable sweet. Tell me, how is the ripe little child?

Subaki: Lady Sakura is doing well.

Valter: Ah. How lovely.

Subaki: …I don’t like your tone, Valter.

Valter: Is that so? And how, precisely, do you intend to respond?

Subaki: Well, that all depends on whether your intentions are what I believe them to be.

Valter: Hmph. So you’re merely the protective type, eh? How distastefully bland.

Subaki: Excuse me?

Valter: And yet… you did seek me out of your own volition. Tell me, little soldier, why did you ask to meet me?

Subaki: Err-

Valter: Now, perhaps you’re merely trying to improve your skills as a warrior, and seek my expertise. I’ll have you know, I am quite experienced in the bloodier arts.

Subaki: I wouldn’t-

Valter: And on the other hand, I know you prize your independence. No, you wouldn’t approach me for something as trivial as battle advice. Could it be you desire something more… confidential?

Subaki: Evidently not as much as you desire to hear your own voice.

Valter: Ah! So you do have a personality in there somewhere. Congratulations. Still, I hunger for something a touch more satisfying. Goodbye, Subaki.

[Valter leaves.]

Subaki: …What is that man?

[Valter and Subaki have reached support rank C.]


Subaki: Valter, you filthy crow! What did you think you were doing on the battlefield this morning?

Valter: Spare me the lecture, you pale invertebrate. I assure you I’ve heard it all before.

Subaki: You abandoned your position to pursue a troubadour! Lady Sakura was left defenseless and this is your excuse?

Valter: Here’s a bright notion. How about you dispense with this pretense of the responsible retainer to the succulent little princess? I’ve indulged perhaps too much on that particular dish, and besides, we’re both completely aware of your ulterior motives.

Subaki: Wh-what are you trying to imply here?

Valter: Well, firstly, I’d like to dispel any conviction that you might change me. I watch the life drain slowly from the helpless because I enjoy it, and it’s futile to try and convince me otherwise.

Subaki: And you just come out and admit it? You disgust me.

Valter: Enough about me then. Let’s talk about you, Subaki, and how you’ve spent the last week lurking around in my wake and monitoring my every move.

Subaki: You threatened my liege. It’s only responsible of me to-

Valter: Yes, yes, you’re merely proactively defending the peachy little delicacy. You’re making sure she stays safe from the dark, scary predator slinking among the shadows. And if confronting the beast gets you a closer look at it, well, all the better, hm?

Subaki: Wh- you dare accuse me of-

Valter: What you don’t understand, Subaki, is that I’ve heard everything you might have to say before. I’ve seen your insecurities and your pride and your darkest secrets reflected a million times across a million men. They’re all dead now, though. I killed most of them. However, seeing as that’s not an option here, I’ll have to settle for a slower approach.

Subaki: You think you can break me? You, the pathetic little sociopath?

Valter: So long as we’re talking about pathetic things, a word of advice. When you want to watch someone like a hawk, try to keep your eyes away from their abs. It leads to mixed signals.

[Valter leaves.]

Subaki: A plague on him! A plague on that man, his house, and…. And his disgusting, chiseled jawline!

 [Valter and Subaki have reached support rank B.]


Subaki: *Pant, pant* Come on, Subaki, just a few more training routines and you can take a break.

Valter: Subaki. What a surprise to find you here.

Subaki: …

Valter: And now what, not dignifying me with a response. My my, you grow more predictable by the hour.

Subaki: What do you want, Valter?

Valter: You.

Subaki: Wh- what do you think you’re-

Valter: And don’t bother pretending that you feel any differently, little foal. I’ve seen the way you look at me. I know how you truly feel.

Subaki: Ugh… what, did the Summoner punish you again? Drag you away from some noble girl you were about to brutalize?

Valter: Shut it. I hunger for the strongest prey, the ones who know their place yet refuse to accept it. I crave the way their spirit withers as I tame them. But the ones who willingly submit to me… well, on occasion they can be almost as fun.

Subaki: And you think me one of those gullible peons? I’m afraid, Valter, you’re about to find yourself sorely disappointed.

Valter: Is that so? Despite you being the one to stalk me? Despite you inventing and convincing yourself of false pretenses just to interact with me? Really, Subaki, you ought to realize that I’m nowhere the cretin you seem to think I am.

Subaki: Don’t cut yourself too much slack, Valter.

Valter: Admit it then. Look me in my disgusting, chiseled jawline and tell me you don’t want to be on your knees.

Subaki: You… you… Fine then. Yes, Valter, I find you attractive. I think perhaps I have since I first caught sight of you on the battlefield.

Valter: There you go. Was that so hard to admit?

Subaki: But the more I learned about you, Valter, the more I learned of your putrid morals and actions, the more I hated you. And the more I hated you, the more I hated myself for finding you attractive. Every time I talked to you, I left feeling disgusted, not just at you, but at myself, for having the gall to think of you like I did.

Valter: Then surrender. Give in to your feelings, little foal, and let your master come for you.

Subaki: Not a chance in hell. You know what I’ve realized, Valter? My body might love you, but I’m far more than a mere body. My mind is perfect and every part of it is screaming for my body to cut you down where you stand.

Valter: Heh. Heheheheh! Poorly played, Subaki. I thought I was in for an easy hunt, but if you intend to fight me, even when your body begs for me… you’ve only strengthened my resolve to break you swiftly.

Subaki: Try your hardest, Valter. You won’t come out on top.

Valter: Oh, Subaki, I’m afraid I’ll just have to prove you wrong.

 [Valter and Subaki have reached support rank A.]

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of asks saying “Oh, Epic Gamers, am I a real gamer if I play this?” “Oh, Epic Gamers, is this a real gamer’s game?” asking me to rate their pussy feminist games along the likes of top kek masterpieces like Dark Souls, Dark Souls 2, and Dark Souls 3, and it’s really le triggering me, because it keeps fucking interrupting my daily epic wins on PlayerUnknown’s BattleGrounds (I REFUSE to call it PUBG because I will not lower my intellect down to using acronyms as though I am some lazy cretin who cannot type a few extra letters).

So, since you are all so clearly in need of my wisdom, FINE. I’ll TELL you the ONLY real essential gamers game that you need to be a real gamer. It’s Love Nikki Dress Up Queen.

Now, my REAL gamer followers already fucking know what I’m talking about, so I don’t need to explain anything to them. So for all you triggered anti-lel plebs out there who aren’t real gamers, let me explain. Love Nikki: Dress Up Queen is a game where you play as Nikki and travel the world of Miraland competing in stylist battles where you dress up. Sounds shallow? Because you’re a Le Pleb (Epic fail by the way). Love Nikki features many game mechanics including a skills system that adds DEPTH to the gameplay. DEPTH. That’s what REAL games have. For GAMERS.

I hope this settles the issue.

Upstairs, Downstairs Part 1

Summary: A painfully shy dental assistant at the tower gets an unexpected group of friends, and with them comes a whole new world that she never bargained for.

EVENTUAL Bucky x Reader. Reader becoming close friends with the team, especially Steve.

Written in 1st Person, POV of the reader, unless otherwise stated.

TW: Swearing, extreme shyness, that’s really it for this chapter?

Word Count: 1455

A/N: Hi Dolls! So this is a request I received from the lovely Sascha (@loveyourselfcreateyourself). It started out as a one shot that is now going to be in a couple of parts, because as soon as I started writing it, I got carried away, my mind took over! Anyway, enough from me, I love all your support and feedback! Thank you so much <3

P.S – I have a Steve x Reader one shot that will be coming soon, and a Sebastian Stan x Reader piece ready to go, so keep your peepers open for those if you’re interested. Also, please let me know if you want to be permanently tagged in my stuff, as I’d be happy to oblige. Again, I love y’all –Rae xo


1.       What the fuck have I got myself into?!

“Ugh.” The alarm, the stupidly loud, annoying alarm. Look, whoever told me that setting your favourite song as your alarm tone is a good idea, was a damn liar. “Time to get this show on the road Y/L/N”

I dragged my ass out of bed and started the routine. Brush my teeth, hop in the shower, dry myself, get dressed…well, you know the drill. The same old shit day in and day out. Not that I’m complaining, I have a good life. A good job, a steady wage, there’s really nothing I should complain about. But, and it’s a small but, I’m lonely. I know right, pass me the violin. I’m so shy that I can’t make friends easily, and when people talk to me, I freeze like a deer in the headlights. I’m so painfully shy, that I physically cannot talk to someone without looking like I’m in pain, and people mistake this for me being a stuck up bitch. I’m not, honestly I’m not, believe me, if I could talk to people without choking on the words, trust me, I would. It would make my job a million percent easier, and I might have even become a dentist by now, but such is life, things could be worse.

So, with that bombshell roaming around my head, and let’s face it, when is it not roaming around my head, I headed to work. I open the door and the crisp morning air slaps me in the face, as if to say, ‘wake up.’ I start my usual walk to the tower, overthinking the social interaction with the Chinese delivery boy last night, when I mindlessly check the time. 8;57?! Shit. I start at 9.

I sprint the entire way to the tower. I could give Usain Bolt a run for his money if I carry on the way I’m going. I was so focused on getting to the tower, that I wasn’t even thinking about the glass door. And yep, you guessed it, I run straight into it. At full speed. This sends me and my glasses flying to the ground. I pick myself up, dust off my uniform and reach around for my glasses. Like Velma, from Scooby Doo. When I finally find them, they’re broken.

‘Shit, great, this is perfect, fan-dabby-fucking-dozy’ I mutter to myself, ‘And now I’m five minutes late, for fucks sake.” Time to face the music, and probably get fired.

“You’re late.” Dr Green never even looked up from his paper. This Professor Snape looking asshole was the bane of my very existence. The only thing I hate about work is this cretin.

“I know I am Sir, I am so very sorry, it won’t happen again, I had some trouble on the way here, and then I fell down, and broke my glasses and-“ I trailed off, explaining myself as quickly as I could to avoid being given the heave-ho.

“Not bothered, don’t care. So, you’re late to work, and show up blind. Brilliant. Fat lot of good you’re going to be today. Go and fetch in the next patient Y/L/N, IF you can see him,” Fuck this guy. He’s such an asshole. He manages to make me feel unqualified AND about two inches tall within 10 seconds. He insists on me calling him Sir or Dr, which automatically makes me hate him. I mean come on, you’re a fucking dentist dude. You don’t go saving people’s lives and shit on the regular. No, that’s what the Avengers are for. Asshole.

“Yes Sir.” I slam the door. God he pisses me off. “Thank god I did break my glasses, means I won’t have to look at your ugly mug all fuckin’ day” I mumble under my breath.

“Ooh shit, who pissed you off sweetie?”  Sam Wilson. Of course he heard you, and he was the patient today, brilliant. If your lateness didn’t give you the boot, cursing in front of an Avenger was certainly going to seal the deal.

“Oh, um, I’m sorry for the profanity, sir. No one was meant to hear that. Dr Green is ready for you“ And he laughs. No actually, he doesn’t laugh. He howls. This dude is screaming his ass off at me.

“What’s your name?” We could use someone who is a good laugh like that upstairs. Ease the tension” Upstairs. UPSTAIRS?! Upstairs is where they all live, upstairs is a no-go for people like me.

Oh, if you haven’t figured it out by now, I work for the ‘Earth’s Mightiest Heroes’ themselves. Well, not for them specifically, but we are the in-house, on call 24/7 dental practice for them. Which is basically the same thing, right? I mean in makes total sense, with the amount of fighting they do, they’re gonna be losing some teeth, or chipping them at least. And they need someone here all the time, to fix them back up again, and that’s where we come in. And hey, at least it means I’ll always have a job. Unless I’m ever late again.

“I’m-um-my name-is-Y/N. Y/N, Y/M/N, Y/L/N, sir. It’s an honour to be working for you.” There he goes again, bent over in the waiting room, cackling.

“I could get used to that treatment.” He manages to breathe out between laughs.

“Sir, Dr Green is waiting?” I stumble over my words, as bloody usual.

“Oh shit yeah, sorry.”

I walk into the dental theatre and take my chair next to Green.

“Ok, Falcon, what seems to be the problem here?” he starts, as if it wasn’t obvious. The guy is missing a front tooth. Even I can see that and I’m half blind!

“Erm, well. My tooth got knocked out during a mission again.” He lifted his top lip to show the gap where it had been taken. After a little examination, Green turned around to me.

“Prepare Mr. Wilson’s moulds. He needs this doing as soon as possible. If you can see the file.” He makes my skin crawl and my palms itch.

“Certainly Sir, right away.” I smiled sickly sweet at him. Kill ‘em with kindness, it’s the only way to stop myself from killing him for real.

I know my job inside and out, I could do it in my sleep. I just lack the social confidence to take it a step further, and with Green putting me down all the damn time, I second guess myself. Anyway, the procedure went without a hitch and I was soon escorting Sam back to the reception area. I fumble around the desk to finish some last bits of paperwork for Sam before he leaves.

“Hey, Y/N. When are you on your lunch break?” Huh? What? Why is he asking?

“Oh, um, it’s at 1.30, sir.” There I go again, tripping over my words. The feeling I get in my chest when speaking to someone is what I’d akin to being stabbed feels like.

“Ok, well, why don’t you come upstairs for your lunch? Floor 47. I want you to meet the team. Without them having weapons of torture hanging out of their mouths. Unless Barnes gets snappy, then you have my full permission to poke him with a pointy metal object.” He laughs once again, he was being really kind, but if I’m like this with just him, what will I be like with the whole team all at once. Nuh-huh, no way, no how, I’d rather die.

“Er, Mr Wilson, I don’t think that-”

“Sam. Please, call me Sam. Or Falcon. Or Hot Stuff. Whatever works.”

“Ok then, Sam, I’m not sure that this is appropriate.” But it sure would piss off ole’ Greeny.

“1) It’s your lunch, you can do whatever you damn well please. 2) You don’t like Dr Green, and I imagine some time away from his ‘ugly mug’ will do you some good, and 3) I’m asking you to. You’re funny. You don’t need to be nervous, they’ll love you. Trust me, please Y/N? What have you got to lose?” Upstairs. I’ve been officially invited UPSTAIRS to have lunch with THE AVENGERS, THE FUCKING AVENGERS! This stuff never happens, ever. It’s like Downton Abbey, you have the high class upstairs, and the scullery maids and servants downstairs. It’s not like I can really see them anyway because of my glasses, it’s not as if I’m going to become friends with them. They’ll not even remember me until they come in with a cavity, and probably not even then. Fuck it, you only live once right?

“Ok Sam. I’ll be there. Floor 47. 1.30” a burst of energy runs through me, giving me a little pep in my step.

“Really?! That’s great! They’re gonna fuckin’ love you, I swear” That’s it, nothing more said. He’s gone. And I’m having lunch with the avengers.

What the fuck have I got myself into?

TAGS: @cami23593 @alittlewerewolfgirl @electronicstrangerdaze @buenostardissherlock@blissful-fantasy @secretlittledelights @aelania @smilexcaptainx @maddierose0015 @barnes-toddpartnersinheartbreak @brokenanxiety (If any of ya’ll don’t want to be tagged in this or any future stories of mine. Please let me know. I thought I’d give you the option. –Rae xo)

Oh boy have I had a fun few weeks!

So…common practice in my store is to make it obvious when we are shadowing a suspected shoplifter, usually they buy things or just leave when that happens…but I shadow this one guy then I go out the back of the store to go on my break, no longer shadowing him…BUT I walk through the back door backwards, and this cretin assumes I am still shadowing him and just *GOES OFF ON ONE* threatening to “knock my fucking head off” and stuff…yay customers…
My store also has *Favourite* costumer who comes in with her partner and steals shit, used to be everyday but not so often anymore…well she came in one sunday, and I kick her out straight away, her partner of course ALSO threatens me
The next day I have someone go “I’ve got a gun in my pocket I’m gonna shoot you in the head” sure you do mate just walk away
Also two young girls, about 14, steal some alcohol and suddenly one of there arms starts hurtingnand shes all in tears etc the moment I start shadowing them
But we know they stole so bow we can kick them out whenever they come in
Oh and two guys came in this weekend, stole £35 of alcohol and just walk straight out, and also had previously that night assaulted 3 students from the uni at the nearest club or something (said students were drunk and hard to understand)
Oh and my store has NO security so theres nothing to stop anyone following through on these threats except me being 6'2" and like 18 stone :D
But of course my whole chain has no security and I havent seen any with the theft alarm things at the front doors
Man I should get paid more then I do

super-papagei-universe  asked:

I just want to say I adore Beta to Omega two and I was jumping on my chair when Rex apparead :-) I hope Tarkin know that it's an omega who finally defeats him, he seems like the type who would think Omega inferior !

Settling one leg over his knee, Obi-Wan raised a brow at the alpha standing in front of him as he leaned back in his chair. “I’m sorry Moff Tarkin, I must have misheard you. It sounded like you were rejecting my proposal out of hand.” The omega’s eyes flickered over the man and then settled back at his eyes, his own eyes faintly narrowed.

The alpha put on one of those slithery smiles of him. “Not to discount your experience of course your highness, but you are currently in a very delica-”

Obi-Wan stood. “I will stop you right there.” He murmured, voice like durasteel. “I must remind you that I am regent. I will be regent until Leia Skywalker Amidala becomes fifteen regardless of her presentation and in which such time I will still be co-regent and adviser to such a time until she no longer needs me.” He moved down the steps of the dais, away from the throne and his guards.

As he moved, his lightsaber made a notable clicking noise against the decoration of his silver and black coat.

Behind him, still standing on either side of the throne, the clone troopers shifted with their hands quite pointedly resting on their blasters.

Tarkin took the warning for what it was and kept still as Obi-Wan slowly circled him.

The omega’s eyes flickered around the room, dismissing Tarkin without words. “You could of course challenge me, strong alpha as you are.” He drawled. “But we both know that’s not going to happen.” He stopped once he reached the front, staring coldly at Tarkin.

“…As you say… your highness.” Tarkin murmured slowly.

Obi-Wan hummed then let a slow smirk cross his face. “I will of course be alerting the Senate of your wishes of course… I am rather sure the Hyrylan governmental system would be very interested in your desires.” His eyes flashed and Tarkin jerked to a bit.

“I… see.” He bowed and then turned when dismissed, trying not to look like he was running away with his tail between his legs.

Obi-Wan watched him go, waiting for the doors to close behind the Moff and his entourage before sighing loudly. “Why am I dealing with fools and cretins?” He questioned no one in particular, not bothering to lower his voice.

He knew his voice would carry into the hall.

A flash of rage in the Force along with scattered amusement and wicked delight followed, apparently Tarkin did not have full support of from his followers.

Steps alerted him to one of his guards at least having moved and he tilted his head to look behind him, smiling when Rex removed his helmet.

“Unfortunate side effect of ruling love.” Rex smiled gently, settling his helmet down on the table before opening his arms to him, carefully cuddling Obi-Wan to his chest and using his head as a chin rest. “But you do it marvelously, the Senate and the people love you, you should hear the praises sung in your name.”

Obi-Wan only huffed a bit then sighed and let himself be settled by the other man. “Rather live in a hut in a desert but I’m not doing this for me.” He sighed before plucking at the others armor and raising a brow at him.

Rex just shook his head, amused. “We got a long day, best keep in armor for now.”

“Fine, fine. You and Cody are escorting me to the Senate hearing, yes? There’s a few legislation’s to take care of.”

A second body joined them, Cody removing his helmet to smile down at Obi-Wan. “Of course General. We’re always at your disposal.”

Obi-Wan smiled.

The day was darkened with the nights more terrifying, but he had found a path and was putting up the lights for others to follow it.

The Jedi Order was dead for now… but Obi-Wan was still a Jedi, he’d bring back the light if he had to do it alone.

And he had his coming mate and his friends to help him. No power in the galaxy would stop him now.

The First Kiss

Summary: Bulma lures Vegeta into the swimming pool and one thing leads to another, till they engage in their first kiss. What’ll happen when Yamcha walks in to this most unpleasant, unwelcoming sight?

A/N: My submission for the April BVDN, on behalf of “The Prince and the Heiress” community. Had a really enjoyable, albeit brief, time, as always. Enjoy! :D

Fanfiction version

The First Kiss:

Prompt 1: Catalyst

He’d been at this for over a year, since the arrival of that mystery Super Saiyan and his simultaneous doomsday revelation. While his strength had grown immensely, there was still something missing, a catalyst of sorts, that was inhibiting him from realizing his true potential. Just what was it? What was that final element, the last piece of the puzzle that was missing, the key that would unlock his ascension, at last? He needed to claim his birthright, the destiny that was promised to him, since birth, until it had been usurped by that pitiful disgrace of a warrior, Kakarot. Unless he surpassed the third-class, flower-child, there was absolutely no room for indolence. He wouldn’t stop until he tore every muscle, broke every bone and dried up every little droplet of sweat and blood, within his strapping body. He needed to take things up a notch.

‘It doesn’t make any sense.’ He irately mused, as he exited the gravity chamber, heading towards the minuscule Ki signal of that insufferable woman. 'Kakarot trained for only six days at one-hundred times gravity. What was it that triggered his transformation? The Super Saiyan is said to utterly cold and heartless, a pure evil being that destroys everything in it’s path, yet Kakarot remains blinded by his disgusting, soft-hearted idealism.’

In the midst of his thoughts, he reached his destination at last, only to freeze, upon seeing the supple, beguiling body that stood before him, accoutring the flimsiest of garments.

Prompt 2: Energy

Something about this woman was starkly different. Was it the mesmerizing contrast of her porcelain skin tone, as it reflected the glimmer of the sun? Or the alluringly hot curves of her supple, hourglass frame? Perhaps it was the sultry manner, in which her hips swerved and her voluminous breasts bounced, as she moseyed towards him? He hardly knew, but couldn’t reign in his desire, as an all-encompassing rush of sizzling blood percolated through his loins, at the sinfully sacrilegious sight of her beach-clad form, rendering him motionless and at her mercy. Darn it, he needed to concentrate, lest he fall into another one of her sinful snares.

“Hey, stranger.” She greeted, with a smug smile, noticing the sexually triggered gleam in his eyes, not to mention the sizeable tent, pitched up within those hot, skintight lycra shorts of his. “What brings you here?”

The Prince cleared his throat, shaking the mortifying stupor from his head, lest he embarrass himself further.

“I need you to upgrade the gravity room, now!” He brusquely demanded, in an attempt to obscure the wanton lust, manifested within his form-fitting, training attire. The sheer invigoration, the unbridled energy surging through his boiling bloodstream, was darn-near overwhelming. Oh God, she was shifting even closer and were he not bound by Princely pride, he would’ve scuttled like a mouse. His heart-rate spiked, breath hitching, as a foot-and-a-half distance separated him from his sensuous hostess.

“You sure?” She batted her eyelashes suggestively. “Wouldn’t you rather, we go for a nice swim?”

Keep reading

highblood-capricorn  asked:

What would the 2ps reactions if they had to babysit a child

2P: *gets asked to babysit*

2P!America: So am I getting paid? *cha-ching eyes* c'MON KID, LEMME INTRODUCE YOU TO A LITTLE SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL DEATH BALL *his idea of fun* … *baseball, with allen– good luck kid*

2P!China: *groans* but kids are annoying…

2P!England: *starts hopping around giddily* Oh dear, it would be my pleasure!~ We could bake adorable cupcakes together and play with sprinkles and it would simply be bunches of fun! :)))))

2P!France: haha no

2P!Russia: But I am not good with children… *if he’s insisted to* well okay then… *awkwardly turns to kid* so how is life?

2P!Italy: I’m not too fond of looking after brats all day, but thanks for the offer… *grumbles*

2P!Germany: *laughs* aw why the hell not; I love kids! *totally plays hide-and-seek with them and tag and Twister and football and whatever game they want*

2P!Japan: *doesn’t even look up from his phone* too busy, sorry

2P!Canada: k on a scale from 1 to 10 how mad would you be if I let them ride a polar bear

2P!Romano: No problem, darling! Kids love me!~ *totally lets all the daughters paint his nails and braid his hair and put makeup on him and play with his scarves* You girls are going to be superstars~ *throws a pretend fashion show for them too bc why not*

2P!Austria: Children are disrespectful little cretins; I am afraid I am going to have to decline your offer. However, fear not! If you ever need help with anything other than childcare, feel free to give the amazing Roland Edelstein a call~ *struts away*

2P!Prussia: I-I hope your kids are nice… *they’re not* can you… um… calm down please– *keeps getting tackled and shouted over because he’s not being strict or loud enough*

things my friends claim i’ve said sentence starters

“ i am literally going to fight everyone right now. “
“ wrap yourself in a condom of safety. “
“ watch out for aliens and lions. they run rampant in public bathrooms. “
“ shots fired from the d. “
“ you literally sicken me. if there was someone who sickens me, it’s you. you make me sick. get away from me you cretin. “
“ i am the saltine cracker of love. “
“ he showed me a dead bird, and i got sad so i wanted you to see the dead bird too. “
“ you fucking crying bro? you being a nerd– oh you’re not. okay. false alarm. “
“ i am a burrito filled with anxiety. “
“ drive me to throw rocks at the sun. “
“ how do you feel about sea lions? “
“ duuuuude, what do you think it would be like to be a cactus. “
“ what the fuck is math? take it away. “
“ i am allergic to you specifically. “
“ it’s broken? well poke a lot of eye holes in the curtain and we can just stare at the audience screaming for like three hours. we’ll call it live art. “
“ get the fuck away from me you, extra long tadpole. “
“ you’re what a flat tire would act like if it were a person. “
“ we can be pirates! “
“ sorry, i can’t do that. i’m busy being an opium pirate. “
“ marry me for the tax benefits, bro. “
“ oh no. everyone stop what they are doing. get the camera. i’m going to reproduce asexually. my spawn is budding off of me. capture the birth. “
“ i have been to the nurse six times in five days, fight me. “
“ towels make me uncomfortable. it’s like rubbing carpet on your body. “
“ do these pomegranate seeds smell like bourbon to you? “

Dear ‘Rising Freshmen’: E n o u g h.

You come into the shoppe and act like animals, are obnoxious, and drop ice cream and expect new ones, all because you’re now ‘high schoolers.’ You’re forgetting the very important detail that you will be freshman. If you continue to act in this manner I’m going to ban all of you cretins from entering.