I grew up in a culture where moving around was a constant, but I haven’t left the country yet. To me, every stranger is a possible friend that I haven’t met yet. :)
I’m really good at laughing, living in the moment, people watching, hitting my snooze button (more than I should), listening to people, writing, drinking coffee, eating bacon cheeseburgers, and finding new things to try to just name a few.
For fun, I like going to concerts, music fests, listening to classic rock, spending time out on the water, going to the shooting range, hiking, getting dressed up, shopping with friends, and learning more about other people and their cultures, etc.
Preferences: People 23+, location and gender don’t matter. I like to talk to people who are open minded and are LGTBQ friendly. I would like to be able to talk about issues that our world faces without being judged. Bonus points if you love Bill Nye Saves the World!
I hate my body. I hate my frame. I hate my very structure, right down to my skeleton. Even with no fat on me, I would still hate the way I am shaped. I feel like I’ll always appear big. I despise everything about the way that I am built. I hate my long, big, chubby face. I hate my small eyes and my giant jaw. I hate that everything about my physical appearance stands in stark contrast to what I would want to look like if I had the choice to change everything. And I would. I would change everything. Because while I might not be completely unattractive to other people, there is nothing about myself that fits in with my preferred aesthetic.
I hate that this shit matters so much to me.
I feel like fucking Frankenstein’s Monster. Big, misshapen, heavy, made up of a bunch of different pieces that just don’t go together. I look fucking hideous in any “real” pictures taken of me, taken by other people who catch me off guard. And recently, I’ve been feeling as if I look super fucking short. Which is retarded, because I know that five seven and a half is not short. I’m trying to sort out all of this fuckery, but at the end of the day, I still feel as cumbersome as ever.
And it is driving me fucking crazy.
Because yeah, I am that much of a superficial piece of shit. I’m confident in everything else about myself but this fucking sack of rotting meat that I’m trapped inside. This is not my body. This is not my face.
I am not pretty.
I am always that girl that is one cheeseburger away from being a fucking whale.
I am a worthless sack of shit, and I only care about four people in this entire world, and nothing else matters to me. Because when things matter, they hurt.
I have done nothing significant with my life. I am frustrated, dissatisfied and angry. I find myself hating everything and everyone more and more each day, and caring less and less about censoring myself for the sake of others. I am not here to hold your fucking hand.
i thought i’d written this up on here before, but i can’t find it. so let me tell you my favourite story about my time in oxford.
my college library is a converted church (with graveyard still attached). and it closed at about 1am every night, but they let people keep working in the vestry – where there were… i think six desks? – overnight. i was not very good at doing my work at anything other than the absolute last minute, and would fairly often end up in the vestry the night before an essay was due.
it was grim. honestly i do not miss it.
the highlight of those nights was when i allowed myself a break to go out to buy a burger from the kebab van that was on the other side of the high street. the nearest kebab van was ahmed’s. kebab vans in oxford are serious business (there are few kebab shops, and they’re mostly not near the colleges, where the first and third-year students often live in). i just looked ahmed’s up to check i was spelling his name right and found this amazing painting of the van!!
anyway. so one night in – i guess it was probably april? i think it was in my final year, and not too long to go before exams – i walked out to the kebab van. it was 2am, or maybe 3am. a weeknight – maybe a tuesday – and there was nobody around. too late for other people taking study breaks, and maybe the people who were out clubbing weren’t coming back yet. i felt like i and ahmed and the other guy who worked in his van were the only people alive.
and then an entire band of men turned up in full 16th century regalia.
i think maybe one or two of them had musical instruments with them, but not all of them. they stood there. they didn’t seem to think that they were doing anything unusual. i guess for them, it wasn’t. nobody else came by. nobody said anything except to order some food.
i thought: am i hallucinating??? what is happening???
i always ordered a cheeseburger at ahmed’s, and as it wasn’t a busy night they didn’t already have any cooking, so i stood by the van for a good five minutes while it cooked, just watching these men, who seemed like time-travellers, solemnly order their kebabs. none of them had phones out or anything. nothing broke the illusion except the situation we were in. it honestly felt like time was collapsing. like we had all been pulled out of the timestream and were just chilling here together. it wasn’t april whatever, 3am, 2011. it was no time, no place. The Kebab Van At The End of Time.
they just seemed like people from the past who wanted to get something to eat. an eternal constant. and the guys in the van were as nonchalant about it as the men themselves were. yeah, we get sixteenth century people through here all the time.
He’s the sort to quietly drop food then pretend he just “found” it on the road or in a trashcan. Then when he has everyone’s attention he’ll obnoxiously eat it just to get a reaction out of his teammates.
Sakura is like “R u fucking serious SPIT THAT OUT” She’s chasing him like a dog owner. He’s running circles around Kakashi like “JUST ONE MORE BITE!” And just stuffs the entire hunk of food in his mouth.
He sometimes tries to get Sasuke to eat his apparent “trash find” But because Sasuke has way to much fucking dignity he’s like “No thanks ? I’m not going to put that in my mouth, dumbass.” Naruto acts like like he’s the fucking champ when he eats it. His imagination is going wild. He’s GOD INCARNATE because he did something Sasuke couldn’t. Kakashi is thinking “Who gave this child caffeine before we left and why am I here”
Meanwhile Kakashi is like wait a fucking moment. That cheeseburger wasn’t on the road to Suna a minute ago.
But in all honesty, if someone told Kakashi that Naruto just pulled something out of the trash and ate it he would be like “Not again”
we made valentines day cards…and I’m not entirely sure why because that isn’t much of a high school class activity but hey alright whatever…anyways my teacher told us to make a card for someone and since my life is literally overrun with Supernatural and Destiel (And I didn’t want to make a card for anyone who was real) I made a valentines day card to Cas from Dean. Not a bad idea, right? No it didn’t seem that bad of an idea at all so I went with it, I put my pitiful art skills to use and I drew one of Cas’s wings and a little bit of Cas himself (not much though) and then I wrote a message from Dean in spanish (It had to be in spanish that was the one requirement) and everything is good, its all perfect!
…..and then my teacher tells us that if we want a grade we have to show her the card we made….cue me, nervously sweating at my desk as I await having to explain to her that my card is a card between my gay otp and that one of them is an angel of the lord and they are perfect for each other and its all from this show I watch and-okay yeah I’ll just take my card and go now bye.
Anyways here is the card:
Now my “spanish skills” are “rusty” but the translation is roughly this:
Front Cover: You are my angel
Inside Message: Sorry it took me forever to realize how much I love you. You are not expendable and I need you more than I’ve let on. Will you be my valentine, Cas ?
Characters: Sam Winchester, Reader, Dean Winchester
Pairing: Sam x reader
Warnings: Implied smut, fighting, a “forced” kiss (not that bad really!)
A/N: So this was fun! This is was written for @bloodysideofhells 1 week writing challenge. This is Pride and the prompt was:
“It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”
I know I mostly write Dean stuff but it was great to get a chance to show Sammy a little love :)
GIFS ARE NOT MINE
Sam was smart. There was
no way of getting around that but did he always have to be right?! Sure the
dragons had been holding up in the exact sewer system he had said they would
and sure you had gotten to Dean and the girls in time to save all of them
because you had gone with his gut and not yours but it still pissed you off.
“You okay Y/N?” Dean’s
eyes found yours through the rearview mirror and you just gave him a quick nod
even though your blood was boiling.
“She is just pissed I
was right,” Sam chuckled from the front seat next to his brother and you immediately
gave the back of his seat a solid kick.
“OUCH!” Sam’s back shut
forward before he twirled around and stared at you looking just about as pissed
as you were feeling, “why the hell do you have to be so violent all the time?”
I was going to make a cute little cheeseburger gif for my class, but then I got bored and things went south and now it’s a Sweet Pool cannibalism people parts burger gif. I need a nitro+chiral intervention because I’m dramatically ruining my academic life.
frIEND I LOVE THE THOUGHT OF DADVERT PLS SHARE UR IDEAS W ME OMG
OF COURSE THANK YOU FOR ASKING ME!!!
- When young R begins to do ballet, Javert would be such a stage mom, like he goes to every class he can, and buys R the best equipment and gives R a standing ovation at every show; invites his cops friends and constantly says “that’s my son”! (the dance moms would be all over him, but Javert is far too focused on his son “so, Officer Javert, are you single?” “shh, I can’t hear R’s comments”)
- Javert not being able to cook at all, so for most of R’s childhood they eat out every night until a little ten year old R is like “this is ridiculous” and learns how. Javert isn’t sure about making his ten year old make him dinner every night but R just is like “dad if i eat one more god damn cheeseburger i am going to drown you in a bathtub”
- R is the littlest shit ever when it come to Valjean, like he’ll go to his bakery like “hey what’s cooking good looking marry my dad,”, which Valjean finds adorable and Javert finds mortifying. Valjean thinks it’s all a joke until R comes in one day is like “listen please just ask him out if he plays I Cant Make You Love Me one more time i am going to arrange a marriage to our dresser so hurry up i beg of you”
- Javert is also really protective of R’s friends, especially Eponine, Gavroche, Jehan, and Montparnesse. So if Hispanic!Montparnesse is only one arrested out of the Parton-Minette gang he calls racial profiling and makes his colleagues let him go; if he sees that Eponine or Gavroche is getting thinner, he’ll pack them lunches and insist they come over for dinner; if he sees bruises on Jehan he’ll follow them to school and intimidate all the jackasses that pick on him, so the word around school is like dont fuck with that Prouvaire kid xes got that crazy cop on his back. (also you know he lets Eponine paint his nails no beef and he totally buys Gav his first binder because their parents wont buy him one)
- R totally makes fun of all the crime shows Javert watches even though he’s constantly like “this is not how that works at all!” so he mainly only watches Dateline NBC, so R is like “you got a crush on keith morrison dad?” “what no!” “got the hots for keithy” “grantaire-” “is keith my new daddy”
- fishing trips. yearly.
- you walk into their apartment and it’s just wall to wall R’s art and R’s like “god dad take it down its not even good” and Javert’s just like “LOOK AT WHAT MY TINY SON MADE”
- they’re only 5′5″ each so they have like eight step stools; its the one good thing about R dating Enjolras is that he’s 6′0″ so they can finally use their top shelf.
I’m 17, 5'2, and only 88 pounds. I have never in my life broken 100 pounds. Since I can remember people (including my family members) went on and on about how skinny I am and how little I am. People would tell me to eat a cheeseburger and things along those lines. Last year in my sophomore year, I was taking a strength class. It’s basically a workout class. I’m very very tiny mind you. I could hardly bench 30 pounds at the start. I worked my way up though. Anyways, in the locker room girls would always comment on how small I was. This one girl, who was a bit heavier, told me I looked like I never ate and that I was anorexic. I was stunned.. Luckily my best friend stepped in. People have always commented on my weight. But I just can’t gain weight. No matter what I eat. Here recently I have gained a small bit of a stomach. It’s just a tiny little bump. I have come to not like it because I’ve always been really thin. When I express my concerns and how I want to start exercising to tone myself, people lose their minds. “What?! You don’t NEED exercise! You’ll either away!” “You’re already so tiny!” “you don’t need to worry about losing weight!” And more. People don’t understand that those things are not why I want to. I want to exercise to tone MY body. It is after all, MINE. Everyone is beautiful, including the skinny girls. Much love xoxo lex.