One Step Too Far
Pairing: Bellamy / Reader
Warnings: Angst, mentions of death, swearing…
AN: I have been deserted by my writing muse for a long time, all of sudden though this afternoon she came flying back home so expect a few more post in the next few days… so many ideas to get down onto paper (well computer paper)
My masterlist is over here…. MASTERLIST
And my taglist is over here…. TAGLIST
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“You know Bellamy actually looks like his head might explode soon watching you here, acting like you don’t care”
Raven was smiling at the words she was saying, you however were not finding them funny in the slightest “why exactly would he look like that?”
Raven’s eyebrows rose “Oh come on Y/N you know exactly why. Don’t play dumb, it doesn’t work on me”
“Nope, I’m drawing a blank”
Raven just stared at you this time, because, of course, you knew exactly why Bellamy was staring at you like that, you just weren’t willing to in anyway acknowledge him. In fact, you were doing a very good job of completely ignoring the man behind you trying to burn his gaze into your back.
“Y/N you’re a terrible liar you know that?”
“I can’t deal with his anger Raven” you admitted. A small crack appeared in your emotional armour that was threatening to break apart any minute now. “I’m barely dealing with everything that’s happening around us right now. I don’t need to try and figure out his motives at the moment, I just can’t take that on as well”
Raven reached out to lace her fingers with your own. “No one understands what’s happening right now” she admitted eyes flicking over your shoulder to look at Bellamy once more. “Especially with him”
Downing the rest of the moonshine in your glass in a large gulp you slid off your stool giving Raven a small smile. “I can’t be here right now Raven. I’ll see you later”
“Alright” she paused “It will work out, won’t it?” she asked you “everything will work out?”
“I don’t know” the two of you stared at each other a wealth of emotion passing between you before you shrugged one shoulder and turned to leave.
You left Raven in the mess room stopping on your journey back out only for a moment when you reached where Murphy was sat with some other men deep in whispered conversation. A conversation you were fairly certain you didn’t want to know anything about. You bent over his shoulder to kiss his stubbled cheek.
“I’m going to bed John. See you tomorrow”
He turned his head towards you cupping your cheek in his hand, not at all happy about the shadows and darkness he could see in your eyes. “Alright darling” he glanced over to where Bellamy was sat eyes still narrowed and focused on you. “Are you sure I can’t kill him? Maim him? Just hurt him a little?”
That made you smile. “I told you the first time as much as I appreciate the offer I’d rather not have you in a jail cell as well. At the moment you’re one of the only people I love who aren’t behind jail cell bars”
He sighed “If you say so darling, if you change your mind though…”
“I’ll know who to come to”
With a final smile at John you left the mess room heading back to your room. You’d walked these corridors hundreds of times before, ever since the remains of the Ark had crashed to the ground and the delinquents had been taken back in by the so called civilised people.
It had been before though, before Wanheda, farm station and Chancellor Pike. It had been before he had… before you had lost him completely. Lost Bellamy to the poison of Pikes sermons.
Making a split-second decision you reversed directions and headed away from your room and instead towards the holding cells that had suddenly become very full
A guard was posted on the entrance and he stared suspiciously at you as you approached him.
“Let me through”
“Y/N I can’t, you’re not authorised to be in there… with them”
“Oh fuck off Jackson. You’re no more a guard than I am” he cringed at you words shuffling on his feet. “Let me through” when he continued to simply wriggle your eyes narrowed “NOW Jackson”
“Fine, fine. Only 5 minutes”
Jackson opened the door and you went through into the holding cells quickly finding where Lincoln was sat, head resting in his hands. Your father was sat next to him mirroring his pose quite successfully.
“Lincoln, dad” their heads snapped up to look at you.
“Y/N what are you doing in here?” Marcus demanded “It isn’t safe for you to be around us”
“It’s fine. Jackson is on the door and he won’t do anything”
“No dad. I’m fine” you insisted sitting down in front of the bars to their cell. It was Lincoln who tried next, his voice remarkably steady considering he looked like he’d been hit by a truck. Dried blood and bruising covering his skin.
“Y/N you can’t be here. You know the only reason you’re not behind these bars with us is Bellamy. Without that protection you’re only one step away from being locked up yourself”
“Y/N” Marcus moved this time coming over to the bars “Don’t you dare say that. Do you know how powerful we can be with you on the outside?”
“I don’t have any power dad” you let your forehead rest against the bars of the cells. “I’m watched constantly, followed most of the time wherever I go. There’s nothing I can do”
“You can talk to Bellamy get him…”
“NO!” you interrupted him instantly. “I can’t get through to him anymore. I don’t know if I want to after what he did”
“Y/N” it was Lincoln again his head reaching through the cell bars to squeeze your shoulder. “We need Bellamy back on our side”
“He won’t listen to me” you continued to insist “not anymore”
Your conversation was cut off by the door of the holding cells opening. You jumped up from the floor pressing your back against the bars, feeling Lincoln and your father standing close behind you.
“Y/N you shouldn’t be here”
Bellamy came into view and you tensed almost automatically. You did not want to be in this situation right now. With him in front of you.
“Why? Going to lock me up as well Blake?”
“Y/N” Marcus hissed from behind you as Bellamy continued to stand there an expression like a kicked puppy on his face.
“Or will you just shoot me? After all guns do tend to be your solution recently”
He visibly flinched this time, obviously unwilling to hear what he had done come from your mouth. “Y/N”
“I can’t be here anymore. Around you” turning away from him you quickly said goodbye to Lincoln and your father leaving the detention cell. Unfortunately you could still hear footsteps behind you. Meaning someone was definitely following you. See as two of the people had been in a cell that left only a single person it could be.
“You need to leave me alone Bellamy”
“I did this to protect us Y/N why can’t you see that”
“I’m so sorry that I can’t understand the slaughter of 300 people was done to protect me”
“The grounders don’t want to protect us Y/N”
You were biting your lip trying desperately to not snap. You did not want to have this conversation with Bellamy. Not now, not ever.
The emotional armour you’d constructed ever since life started to go to hell was definitely starting to crack. It was going to split and your rage, pain, sadness and despair were going to come flooding out. You could not have that breakdown in the corridor though. Speeding up you almost ran towards your rooms.
Bellamy followed you the whole way shadowing your every step. “Y/N will you please just talk to me?”
“About what Bellamy? What do you want to talk about? How you locked up my father and my friend? How your broke my heart into tiny little pieces? Or how you helped slaughter 300 innocent people here to protect us? Which one should we talk about first?”
You’d reached your rooms and pushed your way in Bellamy predictably following you.
“You know you’re not exactly blameless in all of this Y/N”
He slammed the door shut behind him. “How long did it take exactly before you jumped into bed with Murphy?”
“Really?” how had you known that would eventually come up. “I’m friends with John. I’ve known him since we were children” you rubbed at your temples fighting against the massive headache that was building up. “He’s more like a brother to me. Which even if you did deserve an explanation doesn’t change what you did Bellamy!”
“Why can’t you see that I did this to protect you”
“Safe from what Bell? Can you not see that you killed an army here to protect us all?”
Bellamy took a few steps forwards grabbing onto your upper arms tightly. “This doesn’t have to be this way Y/N. Please don’t…”
You lifted your hand placing your fingers over his lips cutting off his words. “This will be this way Bellamy. I’m sorry but it’s already done”
“I love you Y/N”
The softly whispered words finished off your resistance. The armour cracked completely and grief poured out tempered with furious rage. “You love me!? You don’t get to fucking say that anymore Bellamy. You locked up my father. How did you think that was going to affect us? That I was just going to smile and accept it?”
“I don’t know” he admitted sadly. “I didn’t think…”
“Damn right you didn’t think” you yanked yourself out of his grasp. “Right now Bell I’m struggling every day to remain calm enough not to take that gun from your belt and put a bullet in Chancellor fucking Pike’s brain. It would be better for everyone”
“Y/N for fuck sake you can’t say that”
“I can say that Bell” you insisted “I can say that because I’ve not been brainwashed into suddenly believing our friends are going to try and kill us” you were shouting you realised. Trying to take a deep breath you forced down some of the anger. “You need to leave”
“Please Bell, just… leave”
“I’m not just giving up on us Y/N. No matter what you think everything I’ve done has been to keep you safe. I’m going to keep doing that”
You couldn’t answer that, couldn’t think of words to express even half of what you were feeling. Bellamy grabbed you once more kissing you roughly before leaving in a whirl of motion that left your head spinning, lips tingling and your heart pounding.
Completely confused and unknowing of what to do next your legs simply gave way, falling to the floor you felt tears coming to your eyes. You hadn’t cried yet, hadn’t cried since the world went to hell once more. It was coming now though, as sobs racked your body.
You stayed there huddled on the floor shaking with tears as all those emotions you’d locked away finally had their revenge and left you stuck there, held motionless and broken.