i always wanted you to go into space man

10

Neverland appeals to the child inside every man, woman and child. It’s a place where I feel like you can return to your childhood. You find grown-ups, you know, doing things they hadn’t done since they were like 10 years old. And it’s a – just a fun, wonderful place to be; it’s so much to do [here], I’ve always wanted to have a place where you’re just busy all day and there is just unlimited space to go on quads and mountains and horse-back and all kind of fun things. So, it’s a… it’s just a fun place. I love it. And I will always love it. And I will never ever sell Neverland. Neverland is me… you know? It’s – it represents the totality of who I am. It really does… I love Neverland.

Michael Jackson in “Private Home Movies” 2003

tagged by the lovely @leralynne

5 things you’ll find in my bag

  • gum
  • chapstick
  • hand santizer
  • business cards
  • sunglasses

5 things in my bedroom

  • the BB-8 desk lamp my friend got me last christmas
  • some of my plants! including ebeneezer the money tree and jade the jade plant
  • a lot of books. like, a lot, but not even half of all them.
  • funko pop figurines! mostly star wars and firefly
  • several photographs of friends and family

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

  • live on a sailboat!
  • be a space pirate (or professor)
  • more realistically, go into space
  • help resist injustice
  • write something worth reading

5 things that make me happy

  • star wars makes my heart grow three sizes
  • traveling
  • chelsea manning being freed
  • the looming end of my phd program
  • my friends who have been an incredible support for me

5 things that I’m currently into

  • rogue one (but you all know that already)
  • I mean there are tv shows I’m enjoying but rogue one is really the light of my fandom time right now
  • what I am currently watching is usually updated on this page
  • I’m also working on my rewatches of heroes and psych with intermittent success
  • ???? my dissertation? by necessity?

5 things on my to-do list

  • let’s just say “my dissertation” again because I’m sending that out to my committee next week
  • two more jyn/cassian fics, one of which fits in the ‘second chances’ series
  • my TAXES yikes
  • figuring out whether I’m going to go anywhere this summer for my birthday
  • moving someplace where I can adopt a dog

5 things you may not know about me

  • idk I’m pretty transparent on this site but I always remind the new kids that I am an adult (30). it’s hard to believe, but yes, we exist. 
  • I am an economist so you can always ask me questions about that, or if you’re having trouble in school generally, since I am also an educator
  • I used to be a journalist but got fed up with politicians, what else is new
  • I have lived in four states and visited 9 countries besides my own
  • I can passably speak french!

(sometimes I think about how much information we reveal on tumblr and what mara jade would do.)

tagging whoever wants to do it!

6

I’m sorry I’m making this so public, but I wanted to make this post to explain to you and to my followers, what it means to be trans and to be me. 

Yes, I am only 16, I know I am not an adult, but I know who I am. Yes there are always going to be aspects of me that change, but knowing that I am a man is not one of them. I do have so much self love. So so much, but before I realized I am trans all I had was self hate, I felt like I was a waste of space, there wasn’t a place for me on this earth. But now Im on top of the world.

Yes, Its terrible that butch women are looked down on in society. That they are killed for being who they are. Homophobia is wrong in every way. Everyone has a different self expression, and no expression is ever wrong. Everyone should just be who they are. Excuse me if I’m wrong but your blog shows that youre a lesbian? You make it seem that you are very very proud of being a masculine woman, and thats amazing. Im glad you are presenting the way that makes you happy. I dont want to assume, but you make it seem like you KNOW you are a woman and you KNOW that you are a lesbian. It is the same way for me in being trans. I KNOW WHO I AM. I know what I am getting into. Yes there are people who decide to detransition, but the people that do are few and far between. Theres nothing wrong with detransitioning. But I know that that is not for me. and No one else has any say over who I am, and no one can change me. I have been researching for years. Literally, about the trans community and all the legal and medical pieces to the puzzle. This is a very well thought out decision that has been a long time coming. 

I have so much support from family and friends and everyone around me. Yes, there were people who reacted badly, but they dont matter to me. If theyre uncomfortable with me, they dont have to be around me. I was uncomfortable with myself, and im stuck with myself for the rest of my life so I changed what needed to be changed in order to be comfortable. It wasnt a choice for me to just walk away. It has taken so much hard work to get where I am today. I dont know whats coming in my future. Yes, I plan to have surgery to remove my chest, and there is nothing wrong with that. But what I do know is that my life has not been an easy one so far, and I have made it through. Im tough. 

Im not hurting anyone by being trans. Im not making the lesbian community look bad by being trans. You know why? Because im not a fucking part of the lesbian community. There are masculine women, there are feminine men, there are people who dont identify with masculine or feminine. I am not apart of the lesbian community, but I am apart of the lgbt community. And if youre a lesbian, then so are you. So lets take a look at what these letters stand for:

L: Lesbian

G: Gay

B: Bisexual

T: Transgender

See how they are all in different categories? Yep thats because they are all different things. As members of the LGBT community, we are all discriminated against. And for many of us, our lives are made more difficult than they need to be due to peoples ignorance toward the way we present or the people we love. We need to stand together as a community and protect each other. Transphobia in the LGBT community is not okay, and I will not stand for it. By replying to this ask I hope that I have helped you understand a little better about what it means to be trans. And by answering it publicly I hope some of my followers will add what they think in a polite manner. Im sure this response is confusing and messy because i just rambled and ranted, but I hope you understand the grand idea. Please dont ever try and tell another person who they are. Thank you.

@shecallsmepapi

past needs vs present needs in relationships (long post)

in the past, i had a tendency of dating bums: men that could give me the attention i wanted when i needed it because they weren’t doing much else with their life. i was the busy one, always grinding, always going from work to school to the organizations i was in. to an extent, their availability was the most attractive thing about them. 

i’m currently in a situation where i’m no longer the busy one because we are both busy. and a lot of women say they want a strong man, but don’t think about what being with one entails. i’m not going to lie, it’s been an adjustment. even after so many years, i still have to remind myself that when you want a man with ambition and drive, you have to give him the space to pursue those goals, just like i would want a man to give me the space to pursue those goals. there are days when i feel needy, where i feel like i want attention. for no other reason than i just want it. not because i feel like i’m not getting what i need in the relationship. there are just times you want attention because you want it. i can’t be the only one that has these moments….

but because i have prioritized being with a person who is driven and powerful and dedicated to giving love to so so many people, i cannot be selfish. it is not right to have a man so willing to give love to children and his family and his church and to expect to be the only person that gets his attention.

of course, if there were times where i felt neglected or like the relationship is suffering, i’d have to make changes. but i’ve never felt that way. i’ve never felt unloved, i’ve never felt like i wasn’t a priority.

so at the end of the day, i had to take a moment and examine myself. examine why having a man that was available was so attractive in the past. examine the distinction between a want for attention and a need for intimate time together. examine if the standards i set for the man i want in my life were just superficial and nice things you’re supposed to say, or if i was truly devoted to maintaining those standards.

currently, as i wait for my new job to begin (19 days and counting!), i find moments where i have to keep myself in check. where i have to remind myself that just because i want attention, doesn’t mean it’s fair to expect a person working two jobs and going to night school and teaching Sunday school to drop everything. it’s shown me what a relationship is about. that it’s not about getting what you want when you want it, or having a person that does what you want how you want it. but instead it’s about being with someone who inspires me, makes time for me, and cherishes what we have.

and that’s where i am. i switch those moments of want to a moment of appreciation. it is truly a blessing to be with a person that inspires me and encourages me. it’s a blessing to have a relationship with both intimacy and space. it’s a blessing to be in a situation of not feeling empty or left wanting. it’s a blessing to know i am loved every single minute of every single day, even if we’re not spending every single minute of every single day together. 

that is all more important than having a man that is available 24/7 because they aren’t doing much. having a man with a drive that matches my drive is honestly more than i thought was possible. and i am grateful and secure enough to understand.