I’ve wanted to talk for So Long about the portrayal of anxiety in YOI but I’ve been having so much trouble putting together what I want to say in the most effective manner. I kept trying to come at this in a more analytical fashion, but considering that this is such a personally important topic to me, I’m going to try a more emotional approach. Something I don’t normally do.
So really, to start off, I wanna say that I’m so damn thankful for the way Yuuri is written. Really, seriously. I don’t think I’ve ever had the ability to relate more to character; Yuuri is close to a mirror of my own experiences with anxiety and it’s so fantastic to have a model of development and growth for me and people like me. I found the portrayal to be frighteningly accurate, from types of thoughts, behaviors, mannerisms…
I think the episode that stood out to me the most in terms of Yuuri’s anxiety was ep7, aka Yuuri’s on-screen panic attack episode.
The first thing I noticed was this:
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself in that exact position. I bounce my legs when I panic, just like Yuuri is doing here. Head in his hands, breathing heavily, bouncing and jostling limbs. This isn’t the Mary-Sue cutesy portrayal of anxiety–this is a real anxiety disorder. It’s not pretty. It’s not easy. It can’t be fixed with a single word or a touch or a person. Quite frankly, it’s ugly and you lose control of your body.
The next thing I saw in that episode was this line, which I don’t see talked about very often:
I’ve always thought that people think in separate forms: intellectually and emotionally. There’s a saying that the longest road is from the mind to the heart, and it’s really true. I intellectually understand that my friends and girlfriend like me, but I’m not at a point yet where I can emotionally understand that. Yuuri intellectually understands that Victor genuinely likes him and doesn’t want to quit, but he hasn’t emotionally grasped it yet. I’ve never seen anything portray anxiety like that; all the countless doubts flying through your mind at full speed that completely contradict what you know, but goddammit, they’re so loud and so frequent, you can’t help but believe it on some level.
The reason Victor fucks up so bad in this scene is that he doesn’t fully understand what anxiety does and sounds like. Also, he was panicking himself and didn’t think it through, but that’s beside the point. I’m sure Victor adopts some of his coaching ideas from Yakov, and one of them is tough love. Yakov clearly cares about his skaters, but he pushes and pushes and pushes and Victor can respond to that with positive results. Victor makes the mistake of assuming tough love and pressure works for everyone.
Oops, it doesn’t.
One of the most beneficial things you can do for a person with anxiety–in my own personal experience, that is–is to just be with them. I don’t need a lot, really, I don’t. I just need the people who love me to stand with me, beside me, a solid support, believe in me when I can’t believe in myself. Yuuri says that, too, which is really great.
Yuuri is also guilty of avoidance behavior and, honestly, me as hell.
Yuuri is locked in his own mind; he’s scared, doesn’t know how to deal with the problem, and finds himself thoroughly overwhelmed. Yuuri is a competitive person, but anxiety causes a fight or flight instinct–and Yuuri defaults to flight. Same honey, same.
I’d like to take a moment to address the Minami one specifically, though. Not only does Yuuri not believe he is worthy of such attention, he believes that he hasn’t accomplished much at all in his life. Yuuri can only see the goals he sets for himself; he’s always desperately reaching forward, so much so that he can’t see the massive journey he’s made behind him. Yuuri refers to everything the year before–and possibly in reference to his skating before Victor’s coaching–as his ‘dark past.’
And then Minami corrects him by saying this:
I think that’s a massive testament to how drastically warped Yuuri views his own life to the way others do. It’s much too easy to compare one’s insides to another’s outsides, but that’s dangerous–Yuuri thinks that if he doesn’t do everything 100% correctly and perfectly all the time, he’s not worthy of any praise or prize. I have the same issue.
All in all, Yuuri doesn’t mean to be an ass: he just doesn’t know how to address Minami so his flight instinct kicks in and he avoids. It isn’t something fully conscious, I think, it’s just a natural instinct to do this so Yuuri does it without thinking it through.
He avoids Victor in ep4 for the same reasons. Yuuri is under a lot of pressure, he feels precarious, and he doesn’t know how to deal with this. Victor of course has to drag him out and get Yuuri head on to talk about what’s happening. Little side note about that, I love that Victor just sits on the beach with Yuuri until Yuuri starts talking. Victor waits. He makes it clear that Yuuri needs to talk to him, but he doesn’t invade Yuuri’s space. That’s really amazing. When I got together with my girlfriend, she very gently yet firmly had me say what I wanted in my own time. It’s important that I–and Yuuri, too–have the experience of being vulnerable so that I know if it happens again it won’t kill me.
Also also, this is supported by less evidence and more speculation on my part, but it’s been heavily implied that Yuuri really has little to no romantic or sexual experience:
(Translation note: the term used in the show, ‘koibito,’ is a gender-neutral term for lover. It shouldn’t have been translated as 'girlfriend.’ The dub fixes this, however.)
(Also, I’m laughing so hard at how excited Victor looks when Yuuri says he isn’t seeing anyone)
And until recently, I’ve had no romantic experience let alone sexual (ace-spectrum, hey-o!). I always avoided it because it left me vulnerable in a way that I really couldn’t handle. I have trouble now, still, but thankfully the people around me know my issues and can be patient. I think it’s entirely possible that Yuuri had the same problem for a long time; romantic entanglement is scary after all. It’s a level of intimacy that’s incredibly special and leaves you rawly vulnerable. You really have to trust the person you’re with to be able to lay yourself bare. In ep4, Yuuri tells the story about the 'pushy girl’ from Detroit:
It’s been pretty well known, I think, that Yuuri is uncomfortable with physical touch especially during moments of what he perceives to be vulnerability. It feels intruding, he says, and I’m assuming it makes him feel pitied, too.
Yuuri has been away from home for 5 years, but Minako and his family members make no move to hug him.
I thought that was particularly intriguing. I’d like to do a post one day discussing Yuuri’s and Victor’s issues with personal space and touch, but that’s for a future date.
Anyway, if you’re uncomfortable with physical touch, and already have issues trusting others (hello anxiety!), it’s really hard to get into a romantic relationship even if one is intensely desired. Trust me, I’ve been there.
So, therefore, like me, Yuuri has like no experience lol.
And finally, I’d like to address the whole GPF debacle. Both ones, really.
Let’s start with the Sochi GPF.
I wrote a meta some time ago about the commemorative photo scene that you can read here, if you like. It’s a really important scene to support Yuuri as insecure and an unreliable narrator. A lot of what I’m gonna say here is covered in that post, with varying degrees of detail.
So the first thing Yuuri does is call himself ‘dime-a-dozen.’ Um, no. One the surface level of the show, not only has Yuuri made it to the GPF, aka is among the top six skaters in the world, but he’s also the only male skater certified by the JSF within canon:
More into detail here, while Yuuri is looking at articles on his phone you can see one as well as hear the commentators speaking. Here it is:
(Translation note: “Katsuki Defeated: Still Needs to Work on Nerves” is SO MUCH SOFTER than what they actually said. The best translation I could do was closer to: “Katsuki Crushing Defeat: Caused by Mental Weakness.” Yes, they do use the term “mental weakness,” メンタルの弱さ, which Yuuri uses later on to describe himself. I didn’t really pay attention to the article at first, and wondered for so long where he got that phrase from! So I suppose that’s an example of how the media has run down Yuuri’s confidence, too.)
One of them–I think it was Honda–says that Yuuri didn’t perform as his usual self, implying that what they’re used to seeing is so much better than this. Not that Yuuri would have you believe it, though.
Oh!! Somebody wrote a fantastic thing about Yuuri’s possible standings in the Sochi GPF after the SP. Please read it!
Because Yuuri makes some, well, rather large mistakes in one program, he now believes that the programs beforehand are invalid and he’s irredeemable. Honestly, wow, me.
Alright, let’s move on now to the Barcelona GPF. Er, well, after it really. Yuuri’s SP at Barcelona deserves a whole other post entirely, which I may do if people want to hear my theories.
I did mention this moment here, but it’s highly relevant to this too. Through this post, I’ve really entirely focused on Yuuri in the deepest pits of his anxiety, but I think now it’s time to appreciate the progress he’s made with a supportive and loving environment.
As Yuuri stated in the ep5 speech (the one where he confesses his love for Victor on national TV lmao), he always felt that he was fighting alone. Anxiety is like wearing horse blinders, in a way; you end up turning so far inwards to wrangle your mind to even get through the day that you get tunnel vision of seemingly impossible goals. Yuuri has spent his whole life feeling that he is desperately struggling to reach the sky without any support from the ground. Yuuri mentions in the same speech that he’s now able to feel the love all around him that’s always been there, but I think it’s really sunk in for him when he thinks this in ep12:
That’s so, so important, not only to Yuuri as a character but to me. Yuuri can now recognize that getting help isn’t shameful or wrong; in many cases, it’s absolutely necessary to have some sort of help and support. You don’t have to do everything by yourself and you shouldn’t anyway.
There are people who love and support you. These people actually want to help you. Let them. And you’ll be able to reach the stars.
Ugh so there was a post going around that I’ve now long since misplaced but it was like “I just saw you go upstairs with someone else and I know we’re only fuck buddies but I’m gonna go punch them in the face” and I was HERE FOR IT. If somebody remembers the post, link me. In the meantime, have some Sterek getting together fluff.
“Just tell Derek you want to date him,” Scott says, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.
Stiles bugs his eyes and flails his hands in wordless frustration, because the correct response to this patently ludicrous advice eludes him. He had come for sympathy, not pie-in-the-sky delusions. “Scott. Bro,” he finally gasps. “How could you even suggest that in good faith? No way! Bad plan!” He slashes his arms in a demonstrative X. “The only reason we’re even hooking up is that I made it super clear I was down to fuck, no strings attached! I’m not ruining a good thing by announcing to Derek Hale that I’m 85% in love with him.”
“Why?” Scott genuinely seems confused, the sweet summer child. After falling into a happy triad with Allison and Isaac after their first semester at UCLA, he doesn’t really understand the definition of “unrequited.”
Stiles turns his attention to a hanging thread on his t-shirt, sourly tugging it loose. “He’s out of my league. I mean, with the baseball, and the smarts, and the sarcasm, and those eyes…” he breaks off with a sigh. The last thing he needs to do is remind himself of how gone he is on Derek. “Just, he’s popular. Dictionary definition of too cool for school. And the three people he actually deigns to hang out with here are all just as cool and good looking as he is. Do I need to remind you I’m not? I’m a gawky, nerdy Sophomore. I’m lucky to even be his fuck-buddy.”
Scott makes a face, incredulous. “I dunno, he must like you well enough if he’s still sleeping with you after all this time. What’s it been, six months? And you guys hang out, too, you’re always telling me about how easy it is to chat with him after you bone. So it’s not just sex.”
Stiles grimaces. “Yeah, but it’s not…”
“… a real relationship,” Derek says into the phone, hearing full well the heavy dejection in his voice. So sue him; the admission is more than a little depressing. “He just wants to be fuck buddies.”
“How do you know?” Laura asks reasonably. “Maybe this Stiles person would be interested in dating you, too. No offence, but you’re not great at reading people. I mean, he’s interested in chilling with you even after you hook up, and clearly he enjoys the physical aspect. Did he actually ever say he wasn’t looking for more?”
Derek heaves a sigh, rolling his eyes even though she can’t see over the phone. “Yep. About two minutes after the first time we slept together he said, ‘no strings attached, obviously.’ So, you know, pretty safe bet that it’s no strings attached.”
“Oh,” Laura says. For once she doesn’t have a snappy comeback.
“Oh,” Derek agrees. Dejectedly.
She gives him a sympathetic little hum, and then asks, “and he’ll definitely be at the sorority barbecue?”
“Yeah.” Stiles and his broad shoulders and his long fingers are definitely going to be at the party.
“Maybe you shouldn’t go,” his sister says softly. “If you really like him, and he’s just looking to get laid…”
Derek groans. Not go, and give up a chance to hook up with Stiles? Smart, maybe, but not something he’s capable of doing.
The problem is, he’s liked Stiles forever. Or at least since he first saw him, laughing uproariously and running around with his friends with an actually broom between his legs, playing “Quidditch.” Derek would have been way too embarrassed to do something like that on the front lawn, but Stiles made it seem like the most effortlessly awesome thing a person could get up to.
No, compared to Stiles, Derek is practically a social recluse, an awkward jock with only about three people who he gets along with at all. Stiles definitely doesn’t want to get saddled with a boyfriend like him. He’s lucky they’re even hooking up after all this time.
“Derek, I mean it,” Laura says. “Look out for yourself for once.”
“I know, I know,” Derek grumbles. “But it’s not my fault he’s…”
A/N: Long fics might be turning into my new aesthetic. I’m sorry.
You never truly believed in love at first sight ― there was no reason to. The very idea seemed far too preposterous to be taken seriously, too ludicrous to exist outside of dreamy movies or forgotten fairy tales. How could two strangers cultivate such deep, mesmerizing emotion in the mere seconds they held a glance? How was it possible for them to simply know of their fate in the short amount of time they encountered each other? ― No; there were no soulmates, no predestined encounters. At least not for you. For you, there was only the faint ghost of a broken heart, the haunting of crumbled expectations; and the strong, determined promise to never fool yourself into another failed attempt at romance.
When you first saw him, however, you felt like the cosmos had morphed into static.
If you don't mind me asking, do you have any recommendations for Check, Please fanfic?? Like what are your favorite ones? Bitty and Jack are just so cute and every time I read a fic I just want to read more! Also, I love your blog so much. Your tags are always so funny 💛
I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me about this.
PAIRING: Harry/Y/N RATING: R lol WORD COUNT: 10k y’all!!! REQUESTED: nope !
this is my longest one shot, it took up like 20 pages on microsoft word lmfao !! anyways it took me a bit longer than usual bc i went through a slight block (rip) but it is finished and i’m quite proud of it!!
feedback is much appreciated, it rly motivates me!! ok that’s it i hope u enjoy :-)
Just a Sterek drabble I wrote on this rainy Sunday afternoon because I started my day off watching an absolutely SOUL-CRUSHING ep of House, M.D. and needed a little something to cheer myself up afterwards.
In case it’s not your thing: this fic features Stiles/OMC, but not for long. ;) Rated T, under 1k words
Sometimes Stiles’ new boyfriend can be fairly awesome, like when they stay up until three a.m. together playing video games and making out, or like that time… like… Well, pretty much all the examples Stiles can think of right now are sex things, but. But Jake’s a nice guy, kind of. He’s hot. He’s so hot Stiles still can’t believe he wants to date Stiles, and there are times when he can be a lot of fun.
Then there are the times (like today) that have Stiles questioning all his life choices, especially this one.
“Uh, no?” Stiles hits send, because Jake is not the boss of him. “We’re still on the ground. We don’t have to turn our phones off yet.”
And now Jake is pouting at him, like he’s six years old. “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
Stiles can’t help but roll his eyes. “Stop trying to tell me who I can and cannot text. It’s creepy and controlling.”
Jake tries to put his hand over Stiles’, and it actually makes Stiles’ skin crawl a little bit. Stiles crosses his arms over his chest, hands safely tucked into his armpits. In retrospect, inviting Jake along on a trip to Hawaii was probably a bad idea when they’ve only been dating for three months.
Jake crosses his arms, too. “I’m your boyfriend. I’m not allowed to get a little possessive?”
“A little possessive? This is not ‘a little possessive.’ This is annoying and ridiculous and petty and invasive and… Look, yes, I’m bisexual, but Lydia and I are just friends. We’re always going to be friends, and I’m never cutting her out of my life for a boyfriend. The end. So you can stop being a jealous dick—”
Stiles can’t believe they’re having this conversation right now. “Or maybe we shouldn’t be dating after all.”
Jake runs a hand through his sandy blond prince-charming hair and snorts. “Please, this relationship is over when I say it is. Or do you seriously think anyone else is lining up to date you?”
For a moment Stiles is actually speechless, because how has he spent the last three months thinking this guy was attractive? How did he overlook this level of douchebaggery? Some kind of witchcraft, probably.
That’s when the guy in the row ahead of them turns around in his seat, looks Stiles straight in the eye, and says without even one hint that he’s joking, “I would date you.”
Request: Can I
request a Jeff imagine me where he’s been asking you out for a while now and
you always turn him down? So one day you hear him talking to clay about how
it’s actually starting to hurt him a bit cuz what’s wrong wit him? And his jock
buddies give him shit and tease him about which upsets him so you shock all of
them by going up and kissing him which leads to a hot makeout and ask him on a
I smiled looking at myself through the rearview
mirror. I loved when my mom had the day off, that meant I could get the car to
school, save me the monotonous and disgusting bus rides. It isn’t as if my
mother went out to have fun, her days off from work, she is doing yoga in front
of the TV, it wasn’t too much that the “coach” was too attractive. I
shivered and concentrated on the road, until that point I was already entering
the Liberty High parking lot. The disadvantage of bringing the car is that I mistrusted
and was late, something that wouldn’t happen if I were traveling in the yellow
device. Now finding a parking lot would be a challenge.
After a full turn, I finally find a decent
place, not so far but not so close to the door, perfect. Before maneuvering to
enter that space, a car closed the way and got into MY place. I stepped on the
brakes and glared at the bold. I knew
the car perfectly. Instead of staying there, I found another place to two cars
away, from that to stay grumbling. Yes, I was too lucky.
“Are you serious, Atkins?” I raised
my voice after getting out of the car and hanging my backpack over my shoulder.
Jeff was walking toward me with a big smile and
fiddling with the keys of his carriage. Asshole.
“This becomes a danger zone every morning, Y/L, you would know if you brought your car every day”
I started to walk with him to my side. We were
in the same course, connected in our first year, we were good friends, maybe I
could even consider him my best friend, it’s not like I had many in high
school. Most were either useless sportsmen, or just people who weren’t worth
it. He was taking me with a few,
especially since Jeff was very close to them, almost entering his social
circle. They were not bad guys, but somewhat immature for my taste. Sometimes
they made me laugh.
“So I heard that this new movie will be on
Saturday … Let’s go together?”
Yeah, we were good friends though Jeff was
determined to change that. My friend was attractive, too much to admit, but my
mind was somewhere else to focus on a boyfriend. In addition, our friendly
relationship worked perfectly, we sometimes studied together, I was going to
see him at his baseball games, and I even stayed after school with him and Clay
for his tutorials. I could come and go as often as i wanted and he did that
too. We were perfectly fine, why did we need a label? What if “being
dating” didn’t work? All those years of friendship would go away. Just to
think about my last months in this institute without the company of my best
friend, to be avoiding it by the corridors and to meet us in uncomfortable
looks, left me the sensation to be without air. No, I wouldn’t let him lose it
for a silly etiquette.
“How on a date?” I remembered that I
hadn’t answered him.
I turned to look at him and he smiled in
embarrassment. Jeff Atkins was never embarrassed. He was the most honest and
funny guy on the whole site. If I didn’t know Clay Jensen, I would sign with
blood that Jeff was the only one. Everyone else behaved more like idiots.
“Yes?” His answer sounded more like a
question. Well, he left the decision to me again.
I sighed and settled the backpack as a reflex
“You did a good swing, Atkins, but I’m
sorry to say you got a strike”
He raised his eyebrows and I smiled, wanting to
erase the rejection I had given him. It hadn’t been the first, but sometimes I
felt like the bad in this relationship. Our “dates” were reduced to
exits between friends, and that was because I was in charge of enlisting Sheri
with us and him, usually Clay. At one time, we invited Hannah, but lately she
was walking in her own world, feeling the tension only to approach her. Too
bad, it turned out to be a really fun girl.
I increased my pace. We didn’t have to stay
together in the hall, our first period was different, while he was killing
himself in history, I had to endure the headache of algebra. I also needed help
but no one threatened to get me out of a team simply because I didn’t belong to
any. That was how it was.
“Are you serious?” The good thing
about my best friend is that he took rejections with grace. “You are very
rude to me, Y/N!”
“I see you at rest!” I shouted at him
in response and unconsciously stepped up. I never let him see guilt in me after
an Olympic rejection.
At lunchtime, we took our usual table; Clay
kept his eyes on his task that ignored our mini meal fight between Jeff and me.
He made me eat one of his fries, but they were too greasy for my liking. Thanks
to that, we didn’t go unnoticed, neither by his companions as for the rest of
the school. Suddenly, I noticed how his teammates were passing by and said
things to Jeff that I couldn’t grasp, used as keys that I didn’t understand. I
looked at Jeff who looked down for a few seconds before turning to see me and
smiling as if nothing.
“What was that?”
“It’s nothing.” He grabbed his
backpack and stood up. “See you after school, Jensen?”
For the first time, Clay looked up and nodded.
Jeff said goodbye to both of us and left in the opposite direction to his
companions, I frowned even confused; it was incredible how my friend’s mood
changed in a few seconds. I bit my lip and pushed aside my tray of food, strangely
I was without appetite.
“What’s wrong with Jeff?” I asked. Clay
knew him as well as I did.
The boy shrugged and looked in the direction
where our friend had disappeared. I said goodbye to Clay, especially since I
had just seen Hannah Baker enter the cafeteria. Jeff and I had a plan, before
we graduated, we had to get these two to have something. They were too shy to
approach the one and the other that we decided to intervene, rather I joined
the cause, because it was a kind of deal between the two men. However, it was
difficult, I was going to take care of Hannah, but she was very distant, I
couldn’t approach. I sighed and left the cafeteria. I’d waste my time in the
I doubted if it would be a good idea to
interfere with the tutoring hours of my friends, I don’t know what was
different now, if I always did, but my best friend’s behavior was too strange
after the cafeteria. It made me panic to approach him. Among my doubts, I ended
up in the school library, if I wandered around maybe in the end would encourage
me to approach your table. I ended up on one of the closest shelves, Jeff and
Clay seemed to be talking about something that didn’t look like tutorials since
neither of them looked at their respective books. I went a little closer,
covering my face with a book chosen at random. I pretended to read it.
“Jeff Atkins, asking me for advice on
relationships?” I listened to Clay with humor. “The deal was supposed
to be that you would help me with it, not the other way around.” I lowered
the book a little to notice my best friend with his eyes on Pencil playing
between his fingers. I went back to cover “I was paying my salary in the
Cresmont that you would never go through this”
I bit my lip, afraid to know now what they were
talking about, or rather … of whom. I repressed the book down again.
“I don’t know what else to do, dude.”
Jeff’s voice broke my heart, but why? “She’s not like the other girls I’ve
dated, it’s a challenge, but not that kind of challenge.” I started to
consider whether it was a good idea to stay or not to listen, but my feet were
“Don’t stop trying” Clay encouraged.
“I don’t do it. I invite her to go out and
it is always the same result: No. “I fear that someday she will get tired and
send me to the devil”
My blood ran cold. They had not yet pronounced
my name but knew perfectly well that they were talking about me. My hands began
“I don’t think so. You two make a good
team. It’s hard to see a Jeff without Y/N, or a Y/N without a Jeff” I
glanced over and watched my friend smile. I did too. It was true; we could
complement us in an incredible way.
I watched Jeff’s profile, again thinking away
from his friendship, made me feel short of breath. I couldn’t imagine my life
without having met him; he managed to understand me, my problems, my follies
and occasionally my pessimism. The random memory hit me on a Saturday that
taught me to hit, I could feel his body on my back and his arms around mine,
even his hands on mine to help me hold the bat well. It had felt good, I didn’t
have the imperative need to get away like when Bryce Walker tried to get too
close to me. That guy gave me a very bad spine. Instead, with Jeff, I sometimes
needed to have him close to feel that I breathe well, that everything is going
its natural course. There was no Y/N Y/L without a Jeff Atkins, it couldn’t, and
there was no consistency. It was like going against nature. My heart sped up
and I hid my face again between the pages.
“Clay. What is wrong with me?” I had
a gasp, only a few verbal rejects, at no time I distanced myself from him,
after my negatives we were as normal as ever. Nothing had changed. I had the
need to jump and give him a zap, Nothing
was wrong with you, Atkins, you’re amazing, the best guy I’ve ever met! But
I stood still with the lump in my throat.
“Nothing, dude. Let’s go back to your
history essay, you need to distract your mind”
I listened as he agreed to the idea and I moved
from shelf to the place where they didn’t see me. I put my hand to my chest and
inhaled deep breaths. Why did i feel like crying? Maybe because Jeff didn’t
notice the way I did, what could be wrong with him? He was a committed boy,
especially now that his position in the team depended on his qualifications,
attentive, pleasant, he isn’t of those who believed in rumors … and above
all, he was an excellent friend of Clay and mine. How could there be anything
wrong with that? Why cann’t you see yourself
as I see you? I bit my lip.
“I saw you” Jessica came out of
nowhere and gave me the shock of my life. She started laughing “Spying on
people’s conversations? That’s too much for you”
I rolled my eyes.
"I guess I couldn’t help it,” I
“I heard them, too. I’ve never seen Jeff
that way; he always has a smile on his face."I nodded to the cheerleader’s
words. Suddenly, she started to laugh "Don’t you realize, Y/N?” I
looked at her strangely “He’s in love with you! The whole institute knows
this, obviously everyone, except you”
“We are good friends”
“So? That doesn’t take away the feelings,
the question here is, Are you in love with him? ”
I was silent, I opened my mouth to answer her
but I couldn’t, Why couldn’t I? I should deny it, but why didn’t i? Jessica
“Do I confess something?” I waited
quietly. “The way you look at Jeff, is the same way I look at Justin.
Think about it. "She winked at me before leaving.
If my best friend’s words had left me frozen,
Jessica’s words hit me. I looked over my shoulder toward the boys’ table, was I
in love with my best friend? As I would know, I had never fallen in love with
anyone in my life.
I ran as if my life depended on it to the
baseball field, simply because my friend’s fool had forgotten his bat in the
car and I as a good person i was, and because I knew the combination of his
locker to get the keys, I did him the favor. Anyway, at home I was expecting
some of those Mom’s smooth naturist, I wasn’t very excited to return soon.
Before giving me sight in front of the team, I heard the boys howling and
booing. I stopped and looked out, Jeff was in front of them, pretending to have
difficulty raising the zipper of his sweatshirt. As I perceived quickly, they
were making fun of him.
"Give it up at once, Atkins.” One of
them said. I frowned. “You’re losing your good reputation for just one
Not again, please. I pressed the bat in my hands.
“Let go and pass her, I assure you that I
get an appointment with her long before you,” another of his classmates
boasted. I was getting angry.
How could it be that they messed with him for
some nonsense? I was nothing special, why did they all talk as if I were some
sort of trophy? I looked at Jeff, he was still focused on his feigned task, but
the gesture on his lips told me that he was having a bad time, so I got sick,
it couldn’t be that my fear of losing him by spoiling everything with a label,
So much harm to him. My eyes filled with tears, but I didn’t cry, instead, I
smiled and walked resolutely towards them.
“Eh!” Shouted one of them with joy.
I didn’t look at any of them, my eyes were on
my best friend’s, wanting to pretend he was more than okay. I didn’t stop until
I felt my lips against his. I dropped the bat to our side and wrapped my
fingers in his hair pulling him closer to me. His response, in the first place,
was that his mouth was sealed by surprise, when he caught what was happening,
he joined the same rhythm as me, bringing his hands to my waist. I didn’t part
until the shouts of joy of his companions became present.
“Damn!” I recognized the voice of the
one who at the beginning bet that I would go out with him.
I looked into Jeff’s eyes and smiled broadly. This
kiss, which at first wanted to taste something, simply felt good. I began to
feel that I was complete, even though I thought I had been before.
“I thought better, why wait until Saturday?
Let’s have a date now.” My best friend’s eyes shone, I felt an extreme
happiness inside, not for him, for me. “Oh, better, did you tell me that
your parents are not going to be home all day? How about a bit of Netflix and
His friends laughed, he too, but a little more
“Come on.” He took my hand firmly.
“Boys” I gave a single glance at
their companions, they began to cheer and push, like vile apes.
I laughed and looked back. When we lost sight
of the team, Jeff stopped and looked at me even in shock.
“You were serious?”
“About the kiss or Netflix and
chill?” I couldn’t stop smiling.
“Both of them”
“Now I know that I’m sure of the
kiss” I bit my lip “Of the other, of course I was serious, a little
more seriously in the chill part”
Jeff’s smile was the biggest i had ever seen.
My heart skipped a beat.
The freshman orientation guide was very, Very clear about this point. Absolutely, positively, no pets allowed. (minor exceptions to be made for service animals.) And yet here she was, 3 weeks into her first semester, sitting on the ground, staring at a cat. It was staring back.
Dread had always been fond of animals. She had never been allowed to have any pets, (her father was allergic to most things with fur, and her mother just hated animals) but she had always wanted a cat. Multiple cats, preferably. And now she was sitting on the steps of her dorm, in a college where No Pets Were Allowed, staring at the most precious little ball of fur she had ever set eyes on. She knew far too well about the other rules (she was on her second roommate, now, and the delicate horns curling from the thing-that-was-not-her-first-roommate’s face had left an… impression.) She was very good about remembering iron, salt, and not to say please or thank you. But this was a very cute cat, and she was willing to risk a little bit.
It meowed. She held out a hand, and it walked right up to her, and “oh my goodness you are just the cutest thing!” she squeaked. The cat seemed satisfied.
She was, to say the least, conflicted. The rules were very clear, and the rules were generally right, but this was a very small cat, and she did not have very many friends, and really, she already knew what she would do. “C’mere, you.” She scooped up the cat and it snuggled into her jacket. “I’m going to name you Eldritch.”
It was about three weeks later that things got… actively weird. She had managed to smuggle in, via the Walmart (which had no employees that day, she left the money on the counter and hoped that nothing Else would take it) a litter box and cat food. Eldritch seemed to settle in fine, and she traded her roommate 3 dollars and a cool rock in return for not telling anyone about the very, very illegal pet currently snoozing on her lap. The roommate, whose name was Chalkboard, seemed to like the cat. Chalkboard even gave the cat a cat-toy. When Chalkboard vanished (decided to take the “fake your death to avoid breaking up with your s.o” advice a little too much to heart), Not-Chalkboard did Not like the cat. Dread caught Not-Chalkboard making what looked like a very rude hand gesture at the cat on multiple occasions, although it’s hands were strange and it was hard to be sure. It was when Not-Chalkboard, after having a Very Intense staring contest with the cat for about 6 minutes, saw the error of its ways and vanished, leaving Chalkboard in its place, that Dread began to think something might be up. Eldritch said nothing, as cats are wont to do, but it purred a great deal when Chalkboard let it sit on her lap while she was doing her homework. This was, to say the least, Rather Suspect. Nothing more was said about it.
Zach accidentally hits you in the head with a basketball
Request: “Hello ☀️can i request an imagine? the reader is a theatre kid and is walking around the school practicing her lines only to accidentally walk into the gym and be knocked out by zach demosey throwing a basketball durning a game? the show is v sad and realistic and I was thinking this might be a little bit lighthearted! maybe it’s set before hannah got depressed? so she and Tony and clay are watching the game too? 💛 thank you 💛💛”
“You okay closing up the classroom (Y/N)?” Melanie, one of my drama classmates, asks me.
“Yeah, I should be fine Melanie. Enjoy the game.” you say with a small smile.
It’s Friday night and you’re still at school in the drama classroom, going over some of your lines for an upcoming play at Liberty High.
Melanie, flashes you a sweet smile. “You should really come to the game too, (Y/N). There’s nothing better than watching a bunch of sweaty, hot guys dribbling around a basket ball.” She says dreamily, with a small giggle.
Ladybug sat at the top of the Eiffel Tower, her head in her hands, wondering how she could have possibly screwed things up SO badly.
She heard the light footfall of her partner landing behind her. She couldn’t say she was surprised, he had never been one to leave her to stew in her own misery.
“So…” he drawled, coming and sitting beside her, “that was an interesting broadcast today.”
“It was a disaster,” she moaned, still not looking up at him, “I should just throw myself off this tower and put myself out of my misery.”
“Oh come on, it’s not as bad as all that,” Chat said, patting her awkwardly on the back.
She turned and glared at him. “It was a live stream, Chat! LIVE! It’s out there. Right now!”
“True,” he conceded, nodding his head, “but it’s not like you said anything horrible. It was kinda cute actually.”
“You don’t understand,” she moaned, slumping over so until she was curled up in his lap, “I’ve ruined everything! What sort of an idiot starts babbling about their crush on a live broadcast.”
“Well, apparently you,” Chat said with a light laugh, cautiously reaching forward to play with the ends of her hair, “and about half of the rest of the known world. It could be a lot worse buginette.”
“Do you think there is a chance he didn’t see it?” she asked hopefully, looking up at her partner’s thoughtful expression.
He gave her a pitying smile. “I think you’re pretty much out of luck their bugaboo. You already have a ship name and everything. It’s trending on twitter.”
“Ugh, that’s terrible,” she groaned, curling up tighter and burying her face against his leg.
“I don’t know,” Chat teased, “I thought Ladrien had kind of a nice ring to it.”
“This can’t be happening,” she moaned.
“Hey, come on. What’s this really about? Is it really going to be so awful for the guy to know you like him? He might be flattered.”
“It’s not that,” Ladybug said softly, “I mean, it’s MORE than that. I haven’t even told him I liked him- as myself, my not Ladybug self I mean. And now… let’s say he does feel flattered? That just means I have made myself my own competition! And it’s not like I can just go up to him and be like: Hey, by the way I’m Ladybug and, as you already know, I’m totally in love with you! Want to date me now?”
“Oh god,” Chat said with a sudden sense of horror, “there are going to be so many desperate fangirls trying to do that.”
“I didn’t even think about that! If he didn’t before he’s definitely going to hate me now. I might be the only person in the world who can simultaneously confess to her crush and make it harder for him to notice me!”
“You really are one of a kind there bugaboo,” Chat said giving her another reassuring pat on the shoulder.
“And what if this puts him in danger? I mean I might as well have stamped a butterfly tattoo across his back saying property of Ladybug, please exchange for one miraculous!”
“Please don’t do that. I am told that models need to be very particular about what they put on their skin.”
“It’s not funny. What if I honestly made him a target?”
“Hey,” Chat said “I promise you, if anything happens I will be the first person on the scene.”
“Thanks,” she said gratefully, reaching up and catching his hand in her own.
“So, you’re in love with the model boy,” Chat said softly, rubbing his thumb absently against the back of her hand, “gotta say I didn’t see that one coming.” “Yeah well, it’s not like it really matters anymore,” she sighed, “it’s not like it would ever happen.”
He scoffed at her, rolling his eyes theatrically to show his clear contempt for her pessimism. “So tell me My Lady,” he asked shifting slightly so that he could look down at her with a playful smile, “what is it that you see in this guy anyways?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.”
“You don’t want me, so clearly you aren’t after the guy for his looks,” Chat said wiggling his eyebrows flirtatiously.
“No,” Ladybug laughed, “although they don’t hurt.”
“Why My Lady, was that you finally admitting that you find me attractive?”
“You’ve always been attractive and you know it,” she said reaching up and flicking his bell. “As you can see I’ve just had my attentions elsewhere.”
“Oh so this is a long standing attachment then? How long have you been dreaming of being M’Lady Agreste?” he teased poking her lightly on the nose.
“Almost from the first day I met him. It will be two years next week,” she said softly.
“The start of school,” Chat murmured, “you know him then?”
“yeah,” she admitted reaching blindly around to catch his other hand and pull him to her like a security blanket. “We were in the same class in college and we still have a few classes together now. Plus our friends are dating so we hang out a lot.”
“You two are close then,” Chat said a little breathlessly, “that… well that certainly clears things up.” “Yeah,” Ladybug said, “it’s not just some creepy celebrity crush. I mean, it kind of was that too. I have like 2 dozen photos of him plastered on my wall that I used to practice talking to because for the longest time I could barely string a sentence together around him, it was kind of embarrassing. I got over it eventually, but by that point I didn’t really have the heart to take the pictures down.”
Chat gave her a warm smile. “I can see it now, you stuttering and tripping and shooting the poor confused boy adorable awkward smiles before running off in the opposite direction.”
“Shut up,” Ladybug said but she couldn’t help grinning at her partners soft tone and fond smile. “I got better.”
“I know.” He raised one of her hands to his lips and gave her a delicate kiss. “So you still haven’t told me what you see in this guy,” he challenged, “If I am getting demoted to your rebound choice I deserve to know what I am up against,” he said slyly.
“He’s kind,” Ladybug smiled, filling with warmth as she thought about her love. “He always wants to see the best in people,and he… he is just good, you know? The kind of goodness that doesn’t come from ignorance or being sheltered, but that has seen pain and and heartache and loss and yet still chooses to be good.
“That is high praise indeed My Lady.”
“You aren’t going to make fun of me for this?”
“No My Lady. If anything I am going to love you more for it.”
She gave him another grateful smile before sitting up. The sun had begun to set and she knew she should be getting home. She probably had a dozen of so missed calls from Alya waiting for her.
“Well who knows,” she said attempting to be flippant. “Maybe he’ll finally just reject me and I will change my mind about you Kitty.”
“Wouldn’t that be a twist,” Chat laughed climbing to his feet and offering her his hand to help her up as well.
“It would probably be for the best,” she sighed. “It’s not like we can be together. Not with Hawkmoth still on the loose. There is too much at stake. And I don’t know if I could bear having to hide my identity in a relationship.”
Chat grinned again. “You are very wise My Lady.”
“Mostly I am just telling myself that so I can feel better,” she admitted and was rewarded with a loud melodious laugh.
“You know,” he said, eyes twinkling “you are probably right. Clandestine meetings, midnight makeout sessions, it’s probably better to hold out for the real thing.”
“Besides, I hate to break it to you My Lady but I have a sinking feeling that #Ladrien is not to be.”
“And why is that Kitty?”
Chat said looking out at the sunset, “not to be the bearer of bad news but I have it on very good authority that your lover is very much spoken for.”
“oh?” Ladybug said trying not to let her disappointment show.
“Yes, completely and hopelessly in love. Someone at his school in fact.”
“And who is this mystery girl?” she asked.
“It’s right on the tip of my tongue,” Chat said his eyes glittering with something she couldn’t quite name, “it will come to me. I’ll have to tell you next time I see you.”
“Well thanks for the heads up,” she said leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek, “and thanks for cheering me up.”
“Always My Lady. I should probably get heading home myself.” he pulled out his staff and and extended it.
“Oh,” he said, shooting her a final grin as prepared to depart, “I do remember one thing.” “And what’s that?”
“The mystery girl, I knew there was something about her that I found particularly delectable.”
(n.) the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement
An arranged marriage AU.
Paring: OT7. Genre: fluff, angst, a lot of suggestive parts and eventual smut. Waring: Mild sexual content Word count: 6.1k Author’s note: Part 5 is the final chapter, I am discontinuing the series. An ending post with a summarized ending will be posted along with a short explanation as to why I’m discontinuing. Overall, thank you for reading guys!
what do u think would happen if jeremy walked into the bathroom while michael was crying (like during the party)
OK SO i asked em ( aka @gayradwhitedad ) to help me with this ask and they came up with some really good headcanons ( like wtf they’re the best ) and i drew some of them so!!! the drawings are here and the headcanons are under the cut ( PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THING, IT’S SO GOOD )
Warnings: lots and lots of foul language (because I’m a potty-mouth…sorry not sorry) and smutty, sexy sex. Dean x Reader.
“You’re really not gonna call first? What if he’s not home?”
“The point is that I want to surprise him, Dean!” I respond. Butterflies are turning my stomach into an aviary. I haven’t seen my boyfriend, Craig, in almost two months. I’ve been hunting with the Winchesters for years off and on, but this is the first time I’ve ever had a real relationship waiting for me in the wings. It’s been surprisingly difficult to be away. I’ve never really had the opportunity to miss someone, but I’ve been missing the hell out of Craig. Phone sex and Skype just don’t compare to the real deal.
As Dean turns the Impala down my boyfriend’s street, I let out a little squeal. I spot Craig’s blue pickup truck in the driveway next to a little red coupe that I’ve never seen before. I’m out the door before Dean even fully stops and he yells at me out the window, “Hey, don’t you wanna grab your bag?”
“Oh yeah!” I turn around and wait impatiently for him to get out and unlock the trunk for me. I’m practically bouncing back and forth between my feet, I’m so excited. Dean laughs at me and pulls me into a hug, giving me directions to the motel he and Sam will be at and telling me to call if I need them for anything.
I pick out Craig’s key from my fob and slide it into the lock, but when the door opens, it isn’t his deep voice I hear welcoming me home. It’s a female shriek.
How about a blurb where harry shows his girlfriend how he edits/records a song etc? it could be cute/fluffy/smutty ??
I could hear the soft rumble of bass coming from the basement the moment I opened the front door which meant one thing. Harry was downstairs in the studio. Usually I avoided going down there when he was in creative mode. I didn’t want to bother him or get in the way. He always used to tell me how hard it was for him to get going on an idea so I didn’t want to take him out of the zone.
But today, today was different. I had spent the morning arguing with my mother about living in Harry’s house even though we weren’t married. She was a southern belle and you “just didn’t do that” where she came from.
The afternoon was a series of one meeting after another where the males in my company felt it necessary to speak to me as if I were stupid.
And somewhere in the middle was a lunch that I spilled on myself after the fork went through they styrofoam.
I needed comfort, closeness, familiarity.
I needed Harry.
Was it selfish? To go downstairs and interrupt him just because I’d had a bad day? It was. I admit it. But I just needed a few minutes of cuddling while he kissed my hair and held me close. I promised myself I’d go right back upstairs and leave him alone.
I crept down the stairs as silently as possible, making my way to the door. I heard the playback of a song he had probably just laid down the voice track for. Perfect timing for me to get in and get out.
He was surprised when you first told him, and then he was fine with it. It wasn’t what you were expecting but you were grateful he understood. When you told him the news about you being pregnant, you were sure he was going to judge you, he was going to leave, but then he stayed.
Jungkook was your best friend, and someone you could always count on. So when you told him that Taehyung, your boyfriend of three years now, had gotten you pregnant, he accepted it. He didn’t say anything bad, nothing along the lines of “you’re too young”. He told you that it was okay and that he would support you the entire way through.
There were some things you didn’t want to talk about, and that was when you would break the news to Taehyung. At first you had been scared, and there were a lot of times Jungkook would have to come over and calm you down. You were terrified that you being pregnant could ruin everything for Taehyung.
The last thing you wanted to do was ruin his career. You knew he had worked so hard tog et to where he was and you weren’t going to be the reason he stopped. There was a part of you that felt bad though, because Jungkook was the one who was helping you, even though it had nothing to do with him, and for that you were thankful.
He had promised to keep it a secret from Taehyung, not wanting to worry you anymore than you already were. For now it was a secret between the two of you.
It was two months into the pregnancy, and you had already started to notice the baby bump starting. There was a little bit of a belly forming and you found yourself holding your stomach anytime you had the chance. When Taehyung would come over you found yourself moving his hands to your stomach even though he had no idea what was going on.