A Way to You Again: Part 11
Pairings: Bucky x Reader
Word Count: 1335
Summary: Bucky and Y/N have been fairly successful at keeping their relationship hidden from the rest of the Avengers. That is… until Nat walks into the kitchen one night and finds Bucky kissing Y/N. While Y/N is relieved that their relationship is out in the open it soon becomes more complicated than she could have ever imagined.
Author’s Notes: Thanks to the lovely @melconnor2007 for the request! The conversation about pain/suffering between Bucky and the reader is something I’ve learned over the last year after losing my mom <3.
I always love hearing from you guys! <3
“I can’t imagine someone wanting to do something so stupid,” Bucky muttered to himself sometime later.
“Hm?” I whispered sleepily as I looked up at Bucky. He had been playing with my hair which had caused my sleepiness to progress throughout the movie.
“I just… I mean… To willingly allow someone to mess with your mind. To take your memories away… I don’t get it,” he scoffed as he continued staring at the television.
“Some people have to forget – the pain is just too great for them,” I shrugged as I sat– allowing me to get a better look at Bucky. He swallowed hard at this – peeling his eyes away from the television to look at me.
“Do you feel that way?” The question was almost inaudible he spoke it so softly.
“There have been times,” I nodded my head as he stiffened at my response. “But the way I look at it is pain is just the absence of the thing you loved. It’s the plight of being a human. In the end we feel pain and we cause pain, because we aren’t permanent. Nothing lasts forever. The more we love – the deeper the joy – the deeper the pain. Every single one of us knows this to be true, but we still try to run from it…. We still try to prevent disaster and by doing so…”
“We create our own pain,” Bucky muttered as he looked at me sadly.
“Precisely,” I agreed as I laid my head back on my pillow. “But for what it’s worth – I’d always take the pain for the happiness I’ve had in my life,” I added and I swore for a moment I could see a grin begin to spread across Bucky’s face.
“Y/N,” Bucky whispered softly into my ear.
“Mmm,” I exhaled. His breath was warm on my cheek – making my tired mind swirl in different directions. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. It was at this moment that I woke up enough to realize what I was doing. My arms fell from Bucky’s neck and he immediately pulled away from me.
“I… the… um… the movie is over. I know how you hate sleeping on the couch so I… sorry,” he answered flustered. It was clear that the entire exchange had caught him off guard. I could feel my face flush as I sat up quickly.
“Oh… um… yeah… well goodnight then,” I rambled awkwardly before quickly getting up from the couch and stumbling down the hallway. Bucky followed at a leisurely pace behind me. I sighed as I reached my door – I needed to sleep and forget this had ever happened – or die from embarrassment. I didn’t really care which happened at this point.
“Y/N, wait,” Bucky said hesitantly as my hand hovered over the doorknob.
“Yeah Buck?” I asked – a little flustered from my actions.
“I was wondering if you were free tomorrow… I wanted to take you somewhere…”
“Um… let me think about it and I’ll let you know,” I whispered before opening the door and stepping inside. “Goodnight, Bucky,” I whispered softly.
“Goodnight, Y/N,” he replied before I shut the door. I sighed as I made my way across my room – shedding my clothes as I went. I couldn’t believe that I had kissed Bucky. After everything that had happened my mind was able – during its most vulnerable time – to reach out to him for comfort. The worst part was I wanted more, but I was still angry at him and even more angry at myself for my reaction towards him. It had been just this morning when he had brought me to tears as he stood motionless after I had told him I loved him. I huffed angrily at myself as I removed my bra and flung it towards my dresser before retrieving my robe. I froze – completely naked – in terror when the sight of the gaping hole in the wall broke my internal monologue. Through it I could see Bucky – frozen in place as he watched me. It was clear that I had gotten his attention. I quickly covered up before heading to my bed and burying myself under the covers. How could I forget about the huge fucking hole in my wall? I sighed as I turned on my side – taking the opportunity to peek from under the covers towards the hole where I could clearly see Bucky laying on his side staring at me. I smiled at this and he smiled in return. I kept my eyes on fixed him until I finally drifted to sleep.
“Y/N,” a gentle voice called to me. I muttered uneasily as I tossed back and forth. My chest felt as if it was weighed down by lead, and I panted for air. With a sudden surge of panic, I woke. “Shh… it’s okay – it was just a nightmare,” Bucky soothed quietly as he smoothed my hair away from my face. I looked around the room wildly until my eyes met his. I wanted to only feel comfort when I saw him, but I still felt gnawing anxiety racing through my body. I blinked as I stared at him wearily.
“What time is it?” I whispered.
“Early morning— I couldn’t sleep, and I heard you so I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he answered wearily as he began to rise to his feet.
“Wait,” I whispered hesitantly as I slid my hand over his. “Would you…. Stay?”
“Sure, doll,” he whispered as he slid into the bed bedside me. He gathered me in his arms like he used to do every night. The sudden wave of comfort was almost overwhelming. With my head on his chest I could hear his heart racing – the proximity of our bodies to one another was having an obvious effect on him as well. The sound made me smile into his chest.
“Goodnight Bucky,” I whispered softly as I closed my tired eyes.
“Goodnight, doll,” he whispered into my hair before planting a soft kiss on the top of my head.
I stretched wearily as I opened my eyes to be greeted by the morning light. As I turned I half-expected to see Bucky laying beside me— instead the bed was empty. My heart sank. Maybe I had been riding such a wave of emotions yesterday between our fight, and some-what reconciliation that I had misunderstood what it meant. When I had fallen asleep last night I was sure that something had rekindled between us. I sighed to myself in frustration as I stared at the ceiling. I reminded myself that it was probably for the best as I began to sulk in my self-imposed misery.
“You’re awake,” Bucky’s voice drifted from the door. I looked over to see him leaning on the doorway as he watched me.
“How long have you been there?” I asked skeptically as I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Long enough to know you were mad that I wasn’t still there,” he added playfully with a smirk. “But it’s all for good reason. How do you feel about a bit of an adventure today?”
His levity caught me off guard and I couldn’t help but smile at him. “Sure,” I agreed as I sat up and stretched wearily again. Bucky’s eyes suddenly darkened. “What?” I asked as I stifled a yawn.
“Doll, you better close up that robe before I help you take it off completely,” he chuckled as he shook his head. Red crept up my cheeks as I looked at my somewhat exposed chest before pulling the robe tightly to me. Bucky continued to chuckle to himself as he turned and left the room. Once he was safely out of earshot I let out a soft chuckle – maybe today would be the start of a new chapter. He certainly acted as if it was a possibility, and I found myself hopeful for what the day had in store for us.
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