i always cry like a baby especially with the music it's so damn good

Prompt: “That’s irrational.”

When you first heard the album, sitting with Harry in your backyard, Carolina was one of your favorites. It was catchy and it had good lyrics. It didn’t cross your mind that the song was written about someone else. But when Harry went on Nicks radio show and told the story of the song and who it was about, a wave of anger couldn’t help but overcome you. Each and every time you had the album on shuffle, you skipped it faster than you could blink. When it came on the radio you turned it down. If Harry started singing it, you left the room. You came to hate the song. Hearing your love of 3 years sing about how another girl “feels so good” and is “all i think about” didn’t exactly put you in a position to fawn all over the song. This is what you were trying to explain to Harry when he confronted you about your obvious dislike for the song. 

“I know you don’t like Carolina. Why? You liked it when you first heard it, didn’t you? It was one of your favorites actually. What changed?” He asked you, when he stepped out of the shower, sitting next to you on the bed. 

“Nothing changed. I like the song, its good.” you said coldly. 

“Then why do you go out of your way to not listen to it, and when you have to, you cringe down to the last second?” His voice was angry mixed with a bit of sadness. He wasn’t yelling…yet. You knew your opinion mattered a lot to Harry. And although you didn’t like the song, you figured he deserved the truth. 

“Fine Harry. You wanna know why I don’t like the damn song?” you said and he looked at you expectantly. 

“It’s blatantly about another girl. You’re one of the most private people I know. You wouldn’t go out of your way to put the girls name in the song, put it on the album and sing it on national TV if it didn’t mean a lot to you. So excuse me if I don’t want to listen to my boyfriend sing about how another girl is all he thinks about.” you said getting more and more angry with each word that you said. Harry looked at you and didn’t say anything, so you continued. 

“Harry that song makes me look like a fucking joke. And I know its your music and you have the right to write about anything you want to. But every time I look at you, I see you and her. Every time I hear that song, I think of you and her. And if she means that much to you, then why am I here?”

“Babe…you’re over reacting. Its just a song.” Harry said tears welling up in his eyes, and it was then that you realized that you were crying as well. “I can promise you that she doesn’t mean as much to me as you do. Tell me what I can do to fix this. A song isn’t worth loosing you. I swear, she meant something to me a while ago. And she’ll always mean something to me in the way of a friend. But you…I can’t live without you.”

Now you were full on sobbing, “Then why’d you write the song? Its not a sin for me to be upset about the song. And it’s not even the fact that you wrote the song, it’s the fact that you took the time to expose the girl and make it very clear that it was about her.”

“So you don’t want me to write about other girls and life experiences? That’s irrational. I’m always going to write songs about my life experiences. If you cant handle that, when we can end this.” he said angrily. He immediately regretted saying it when you got up and stormed out of the room. 


“I don’t know what to do Gem. She won’t talk to me, she won’t look at me, she won’t let me touch her. I don’t sleep in the same bed as her anymore, she sleeps in the guest house. Not even in the guest room, the guest house. I feel like I’m losing her, and that can’t happen.” he said on the verge of tears as he spoke to his sister on the phone. 

“How long has this been going on?” she asked him carefully. 

He let out a long sigh, “about 4 days.”

“Honestly, she probably shut down because she feels like you haven’t acknowledged the fact that she’s hurt. Weather you feel like you did something wrong or not, she needs to know that you know and care that she’s hurting. If you haven’t made an effort to apologize to her, she won’t know that. Especially if you aren’t talking. And Harry, you have to admit, if the roles were reversed, you’d be pretty angry, too. I think you both need to talk because it sounds like to me, this argument is a two way street.”


He made his way down the small pathway to the guest house where you’ve been staying for the greater part of a week. You didn’t want to see him, hear his voice, speak to him or anything else. You knew you were overreacting just a little bit, but in your mind, you still had the right to be upset. He rang the doorbell and you automatically knew who it was. It was the first time he had been over since you left the main house. 

“Love, baby, princess…let me in. Please?” and there was something in his voice that you couldn’t ignore, even if you wanted to. You made your way over to the door, and before you could even get it all the way open, Harry pushed himself inside and wrapped his arms around you. You tensed up at first, but then relaxed into this chest, realizing you missed him. You stood there, in the doorway hugging for a long time, the first connection you’ve had with him in days. 

“Let’s talk, yeah?” he asked you sweetly, kissing your nose. You nodded and lead him over to the kitchen table. You sat, not saying anything to each other before he said,

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. When I wrote that song, I wasn’t thinking. I met Townes-”

“Don’t say her name.”

“I met her a few years back. It was just before I met you. We had a few mutual friends and they set us up on a blind date. And I’m not going to lie, I had a lot of fun that night. But she was missing something, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Plus the tour was about to start, so even just after one date, I broke it off.” He explained and you listened intently. “We remained in touch after that and I occasionally still talk to her. But I swear, she’s just a friend. She doesn’t mean nearly as much to me as you do. And when I said she was all I think about, its just a lyric. I don’t mean that literally. I deeply apologize if I made you question my love for you. That was never my intension. Its just a bloody song love. And yes it means something to me. Each and every one of my songs means something to me. But you…I could never express in words what you mean to me. I wrote countless songs about you- so, so many. But none of them bring you justice. You’re just that precious to me.” he said with a dimpled grin and a squeeze of your hand. 

“I’m sorry too H. I overreacted. I shouldn’t have been so jealous. And your music is your music, and I don’t have the right to question your creativity. I’m sure she is a nice girl. She should be flattered. But can I ask you something. Obviously you don’t have to answer.”

“What do you want to know, my lovely?” 

“Is there a song about me on your album.”

He looked at you with a devilish smirk and a gleam in his eye,

“Oh love, don’t you know you’re my only angel?”

(requested by: annon)

Small towns and pickup lines, part 1

Summary: The reader has sworn off sex after several bad encounters. Dean tries to pick her up. 

Characters: Dean x Reader, mention of Sam

Word Count: 1920

Warnings: light angst, panic attack, discussions of sex and guys being douchebags

Author’s Note: This is part one of two. Part two is written and will hopefully be out later this week


The town of Lebanon, Kansas has a population of 218 people according to the 2010 census and it has all the charms and pitfalls of being a small town—mainly that everyone knows everyone and newcomers stick out like a sore thumb. It also has the added benefit that everyone else seems to know everyone else’s business—especially the single women of child-bearing age.

Got a new job? Your neighbors know before you get hired.  Got a new boyfriend? They know that, too. Lose your virginity in the cramped backseat of a neon yellow mustang with Robby Peterson in the cemetery under a full moon? Little old Mrs. Halshauser gives you dirty looks out her kitchen window when you get home five minutes after curfew. The rest of the town knows by the time you roll up to school the next morning, which only makes the disaster worst. High schoolers are vicious and the gossip doesn’t stop with them.

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bottom zayn fic rec

hellloooo i’ve finally gotten my shit together and i’m really really sorry for the wait but here it is i’ve put together my favorite bottom zayn fics because we all need this in our lives 

ps these are all zarry bc whats a ship when u can have a *kris voice* cruiser

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Preference #26: He sings (part 1).

Darry: “I hate thunderstorms.” you whispered, turning to look at your boyfriend who was lying next to you in bed. “Baby, they ain’t that bad! Actually, I think they’re pretty cool.” Darry said, faintly smiling at you. He found it adorable, the thought of a brave girl like you being so scared of the weather. “Well, I do- oh my God!” you ended up screaming, the blasting clap of thunder scaring you out of your wits and causing you to frantically get closer to Darry than you already were. He cooed and then started shushing you, running his hand through your hair in order to get you to calm down. One thing he wasn’t a fan of was seeing you distressed in any way. This was the usual routine: you lay next to him in bed, you two share small talk, thunder claps, you scream, he tries to calm you down immediately. But, what he did next sure surprised you, breaking the usual routine: he sang for you! Of course, his voice wasn’t the best, but he sang a known favorite of yours, “Big Girls Don’t Cry” as sung by The Four Seasons.

Two-Bit: “Two-Bit, you’re drunk. Again.” you scoffed at him, trying to close your front door on him. Your parents were asleep upstairs, and you knew the rules: no company when the parental units were asleep. Especially if it was boy company. You almost got the door shut until Two put his foot in front of it. “C'mon babe, let’s have some fun!” he drawled, raising his voice with each word. The laughter that came out of his system was booming. You jumped, not because he frightened you, but because you were afraid your parents would wake! “Keith, now is not the time to act like a fool.” you snarled, getting angrier with your boyfriend by the second. He froze, his demeanor changing from a fun-loving drunk to a sad, sad man. “Wait, you really think I’m a fool, darlin’?” You widened your eyes and shook your head as fast as possible, realizing where this was going. “No, Keith, that’s not what I mean-” “You’re going to break up with me now, aren’t you?! I knew it!” “No! Two-Bit, stop being ridiculo-” you said, attempting to stop him from waking up your parents – and the whole damn neighborhood, but it was too late. “Well, since my baby left me,” he started singing, “I found a new place to dwell!” “Oh, no.” you groaned. His loud mumbling of the lyrics turned to even greater bouts of “Heartbreak Hotel” by Elvis Presley. “Keith, shut your mouth!” you tried to silence him, slamming your palm over his mouth. You looked him in the eyes, and you could see that he was a mess: about to cry, and not all there because of the liquor. You sighed, “Keith, you know I could never think of you as a fool. Granted, you’re acting real stupid right now, but a fool? No way. I would never break up with you for such a stupid reason. Hell, I don’t think I’ll break up with you ever. Now come on, we’re getting you home.” With that, you guided him to your dad’s truck, hoping to God your boyfriend wouldn’t barf any time soon.

Dallas: You and your boyfriend, Dallas, walked into Jay’s. He was laughing at you, “Face it, doll: you ain’t going to catch me singing. Ever.” Here’s what happened: you were trying to convince Dallas to sing along with you in the car to some swinging new song, but he wouldn’t budge. You should have known better; asking something like that to Dally was like asking Sodapop to stop looking like a movie star all the time. “Dallas, go be useful for once and save that booth over there, I’m getting some drinks from the counter. Go on, get!” You were still a little peeved. You always thought that no one should feel ashamed, embarrassed, or even weird about singing along to a real good song. You were always a musical person, so singing was normal for you. Before hitting the counter, you went on over to the jukebox and put in some money. Looking through the selections, you found one of your favorites: “Satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones. The song played on, wafting through the restaurant. Looking around, you could see that your choice was a good one, noticing the different people bobbing their heads and tapping their feet to the catchy introduction. Placing your order and soon getting your drinks, you made your way to the booth. You wanted to spook Dallas, so you hid behind him - yes, he was that clueless sometimes. You noticed that he was tapping his foot to the beat as well, and a grin made its way onto your face, only to be replaced by a look of shock. Did you hear, singing? Yes – although it wasn’t singing, he was definitely humming the lyrics, murmuring them from time to time. You leaned in behind him to whisper in his ear, “Got you.” He jumped at the surprise and groaned inwardly, “Yeah, yeah. I hope you’re satisfied.” You nodded your head slightly, chuckling at his now grouchy attitude, “Trust me, I am very satisfied.”

Schmetterling

Another Becommissar story, ladies, gentlemen, and everyone in between.

Inspired by this, and dedicated to lilsis24 (who I can’t actually tag, for some reason). Sorry it took me longer than “a few days,” but its finals week at uni and all that jazz.

Kommissar leaves a few words of “encouragement” on the mirror in Beca’s dressing room before Worlds, and the brunette confronts her about it.

Find the story on AO3 and fanfiction.net.

Also feel free to drop random prompts into my ask if you feel like it; I have a bit of time to write now.


Good luck, tiny Maus. 💋

Without warning, Beca burst into the part of the impromptu dressing rooms backstage at Worlds of which she—for reasons she didn’t even want to think about—knew it belonged to Kommissar (there was no door to knock on, anyway, so whatever).

“What kind of sick mind games are you playing, you gorgeous German Goddess?”

Wow, real smooth, Beca; great job with being imperious and all. God, this was so stupid. Why did the blonde have such an effect on her?

She couldn’t even properly insult her, although, normally, she was a level ten master insulter, and never really gave a fuck about anything, anyway.

Except, apparently, she had a thing for tall, scary, perfectly mysterious German chicks, who were trying to destroy her a cappella group at Worlds; no big deal.

What had her so riled up in the first place was what she’d found in her own dressing room a few minutes prior. On the mirror, someone had written a few words of encouragement; with bright red lipstick and a lip print in the same color next to it. Seeing that—and being absolutely sure that there was only one person in the whole world who would even think of something as cheap as that—she had, despite Chloe calling after her where the hell she was going so shortly before their performance, and Fat Amy hollering to “go get her, tiger,” stormed out of the room, down the hall, and right into Das Sound Machine’s part of the backstage area.

Because this was a whole other level of completely fucked up, and definitely not okay. Beca could take a lot—punches to the faces, insults, death threats—but suggestive little messages with a definitely flirtatious undertone from the hottest, most intimidating German person the Bella had ever met was just too much to handle (and made her even more sexually confused than she already was, thank you very much).

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What Would You Do ~S.W.~

Summary: *gives knowing look* based off What Would You Do by Bastille. Seriously one of my favorite songs.

Song Series- #4

———————–
Sam’s POV

“It’s so nice to be back in Omaha. This party is lit. I’ve already seen a couple dudes we used to kick it with” Nate says as strippers are dancing on us. I was getting bored of the lapdance so I put down my drink and stood up.

I walked over to where the main girls were dancing. There were only 5 or 6 girls here. Me and the boys were back in Nebraska and got invited to some party.

As I was watching one girl caught my eye. She just got off the stage and gathered all the money that had been thrown at here. I wanted her so much. Something about her made me want every inch of her. I don’t care if I was about to pay her for sex. She was worth the hundreds.

I grabbed her wrist and pulled her outside.

“Don’t worry I’m paying for the night. You gotta name?” I say feeling on her.

“Y/n. Don’t I know you from somewhere” she says as I kiss her neck.

“Well I am kind of famous. Wait. We went to high school together. You disappeared halfway through senior year.”

“Oh yeah. I heard you and your friends got pretty big. Congrats.”

I pulled her into my car and started it.

“On the way to my place we can catch up” I say looking at her. She was always beautiful. But she wasn’t very outgoing. Always quiet and usually missed most days of school.

“So why are you a stripper. You’re only what 20? You could just get a regular job. You look much different.”

“I have another job. 3 actually. I wait tables during the day and strip at night” she said fixing her skirt.

“Why do you have to strip. That’s a terrible job.”

“What would you do Sam? If you had a 3 ½ year old son who is at home crying right now because he only had a granola bar for breakfast and I have yet to feed him. He doesn’t even have a bed Sam. He gets a sheet while I get nothing. The only way i can get him food is to sleep with random men”

“Where’s his dad?” I ask pulling over to the side of the road.

“Somewhere smoking crack. He just got outta jail. I’m not having him around my son”

“He’s not in school?”

“I can’t afford a daycare right now. Can we just go. I’ll do whatever you want. I just really need this money. This is my life you know?”

“I want to meet your son”

“What? No it’s late”

“Come on. I just wanna meet him.”

“Fine. Go up here. Take a left then go down the alley and we have to walk from there.”

“You live on that part of town?”

“I can’t afford anything else”

Y/n POV

Why does Sam want to meet my son? It’s not like he knew me when I actually went to school. We get out of the car and I realize I’m still in my “work clothes”

“Um Sam. Do you have some sweatpants or something I can borrow. I don’t want my son to see my like this. He’s too young.”

He goes around and digs through his trunk before pulling out a pair of joggers. My shirt wasn’t too bad so I just put in the pants over my tight shorts.

We walk up the stairs of my old apartment/motel. I get to my door and pull a key out from under the mat. I unlock all 4 of the dead bolts.

I tip toe over to the pallet of blankets I made for my son. He was laying in a ball but I knew he wasn’t sleep. He couldn’t sleep without me.

“Hey baby. Mommas home.” He jumps into my arms. He looks up and sees Sammy.

“I’ll go next door” he says grabbing a blanket and his stuffed animal. I tell him to go next door because sometimes I have to bring work home.

“No baby. This is mommys friend. Sam. Go say hi.”

“Hi. I’m Joshua. Mommy calls me joshie.” He sticks his hand out for Sam to shake. Sam picks him up and talks to him for a little bit. I take this time to put on my actual clothes.

“Joshie sweetie. Take this 5$ and go to the vending machine at the end of the hall. Get something to drink and something to eat. Get something that’ll last you and that’s yummy” I kiss his head and he runs off. Our room is right at the end the hall so I can hear him from here.

“You know you’re not the first person to be a teen mom. Why are you acting like its the hardest thing in the world.” Sammy says looking at me. I feel tears form in my eyes but I push them back. I walk up to him and look him dead in his eyes.

“Because Sammy. Before I even got pregnant I had severe depression I was already suicidal. I wake up every day wishing, hoping, praying that I’ll die. But I know that I’ll have no one to take care of Joshua. I just got fired from my day job so sucking dick is all I’ve got.”

“Why were you depressed before?”

“M sister killed her self right after me and her ran away so our dad couldn’t rape us anymore. Sam, I’ve been through more shit you could ever relate to before I was even a teen. So don’t give me that shit cause I’m trying my hardest here. So what the fuck would you do if you are in my situation”

“I’d get off my feet and quit making excuses.”

“You and everyone else are gonna know what pain feels like. When I get steady. I swear. I’ll show you.” Just then Joshua comes back in with an arm full of snacks. He puts most of it in a drawer and keeps a little for right now.

“Here mommy.” He says pushing part of it towards me.

“I’m not hungry baby. Thank you though. eat it up.” It breaks my heart to see him having to ration his food so early in life. I start crying when Sammy speaks up.

“Hey kiddo, can you go next door. This isn’t for work but I have to talk to your mom about a surprise for you” he bends down next to Josh and helps gather his stuff. When josh is safely next door he shuts our door and looks at me.

“Why would you tell him that. I don’t need you getting his hopes up.” I say sitting on the pallet of blankets.

Sam sees a bug and steps on it. He then joins me on the pallet.

“If you didn’t have your son and weren’t depressed,What would you wanna do with your life?”

“Ive always liked music but I’m not talented, so either songwriter or like assistant. That’s always been cool to me”

“Ok. I know you need a job so I’m going to offer you one. We need an assistant and my record company could really use a girl. So you can come in tommorow morning and we’ll hold an interview. If the rest of the boys like you, you can work for us. But right now you’re going to be staying at our penthouse apartment. It’s got beds and there’s already food in the fridge. It’s reserved especially for our assistants and friends. There’s already a nanny who works there so she can watch Joshua. You’d be getting paid an average salary of 52,000$ that’s 1000$ a week. Although you won’t need it cause living in the apartment is complimentary. ”

“Sam. No. I’m not going to be living off you. I don’t want your help.”

“Yeah. But you need it and so does Joshua. He needs a father figure and me and the boys can be that”

“Fine. For Joshua.” I stand up and hug Sammy tighter than I’ve hugged anyone. He’s saving me. He really is. He not only cares for me but my son. This is why I had a crush on him back in high school.

“Ok let’s get you guys packed up.”

“For what?”

“You guys aren’t staying here anymore. We leave tonight.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m now a recording artist and my stupid ass decided to tell everyone i was going to have a new song out in 2 days. The producer is expecting it this afternoon.
I live with the boys in this huge ass mansion we bought.

“Nate. Can you please take Josh to school. I have this song to finish and he’s going to be late.” I’m at the piano trying to help Josh tie his shoes. He’s currently 5 years old and he spoiled. I blame it on his uncles.

Once his shoes are good I put on his backpack and kiss him goodbye. I go back to finishing the song that’s due in a few hours.

“Yeah. Let’s go kid.” They leave the house and I think it’s just me and my music.

“You drive me crazy, and I can think of anymore words shoot me please” I sing while banging my head on the piano.

“Damn y/n. It’s not that hard. What’s the song about?” I hear Johnson come into the room and hop on top the piano.

“You know who it’s about.” Ever since I got the job with the boys my feelings for Sam grew immensely. Everyone expect for Sam knew it. Me and G were the closest but Johnson was great for advice. Sam was all I thought about. He helped me realize I wasn’t that bad of a singer and now I’m signed to their label. I told my fans and everyone else I would have this song done today and out tomorrow. All I have is the melody.

“Jack I can’t do this. My beat is all wrong and the melody is just slightly wrong. I keep singing off key.“I almost start to cry when Jack slides in the chair with me.

“Well Sammy is going to be here soon so why don’t you get him to feature on it and help write it” he says hugging me before getting up.

“Who feature on what?” Sam says walk into the music room.

“Y/n wants you to help her with this song.” Jack says walking out.

“Oh. Of course.” He sits beside me and looks over my notes of what I’ve written down. I can’t help but blush. He’s so close and it makes my heart beat faster then ever. I look over at him and he looks up at me,his lips are close to me. He licks his lips and I can’t take it.

I lean in and capture our lips together. I felt fireworks and then song just snapped together in my brain. I break away. And focus on the piano. I fix my melody and get the beat straight. I begin singing and soon I have half the song done. I get it recorded and then Sam goes into the booth and raps a verse before singing the verse with me. The song was finished within an hour. I sent it to our main producer and he approved it so I fixed it. Added some ad libs and tweaked the bass.

Me and Sammy listened to it and realized we just made straight fire.

I looked him in his eyes and he kissed me again. We began making out and somehow made it to his room.

“Lock the door Sam.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey guys you’re probably wondering why I called you all here.” All the boys are sitting on the couch with Joshua bouncing on Sam’s knee. They’ve been close ever since we announced me and Sam are dating.

“Is everything okay?” Gilinsky asks.

“I hope so. Ok um. Im having another baby. No. We’re having another baby.” I say looking at Sam. They all start running around jumping and hugging me.

Sammy comes up to me Joshua still in his arms, and kisses me with so much love.

“I love you so much ma.”

“I love you too Sammy”

Chapter 37: No Angel

* Few days later*

Nyla

“So Miss. Lee tell me your symptoms?” The doctor asked looking through the manila folder.

“I’ve been feeling weak, a little tired and I’ve been going to the restroom like crazy.” I giggled.

“Okay, you’re going to pee in this cup for. Im just gonna analyze the sample. That includes a HIV test, an infection test and a pregnancy test.”

I nodded my head taking the little plastic cup away from her heading to the restroom. Moments later she walked into the room holding my fate in her hands.

“So Miss. Lee you are clear for everything but…”

I was scared of that but. I didn’t want to have anything especially not an infection or something. I knew Trey would never fuck around on me but he was sexy and famous.

“But your pregnancy test did come up positive.” She looked at my face waiting for a response.

I was in disbelief. I couldn’t believe there was something growing inside of me. I cried my eyes out in joy. After she gave me my necessary vitamins I walked out of the office swarmed by paparazzi.

“Nyla is it true you and Trey are engaged?” “Are you having his first child.” “Do you love him?” “Is that dark skinned girl August Alsina’s girlfriend?”

I rolled my eyes towards all of their ignorant questions hopping in my mustang. I sped off heading towards my house to tell my baby about our bundle of joy.

“Hoooooney I’m home!” I cooed heading into our bedroom to find a sleeping Trey. I kissed his chest in attempt to wake him up.

“Was good baby?” He yawned.

I dug the black and white picture of the two month old baby forming in my stomach handing his way. I watched a smile spread across his face before he tackled me on the bed kissing my entire body.

“I love you baby.” He whispered to my stomach looking up at me.

“We love you too.” I smiled.

AirRen

“Are you guys ready to go see daddy?” I asked Seppie and AJ as I prepared their clothes for the day.

“Are you gonna stay with us mommy?” AJ asked playing with the small diamond earring in his ear.

I felt bad that they were still a little nervous around Aug after they seen what happened at the party.

“Yes for a little bit then mommy has to go see Ny-Ny.” I replied fixing the sloppy bun on top of Seppie’s hair.

I continued to get dress. I decided to wear some high waisted jeans a cropped sweater and my J’s.

“Are you ready my loves?” I cooed to them making our way towards the car. I buckled them in and set off towards Aug’s condo.

‘Because You’re No Angel Either, baby Cause you’re No Angel Either, baby’ blasting my Beyoncé CD

“Hello?” I answered my vibrating phone.

“Hay baby doll!” I pulled the ear from my phone and seen Karrueche’s name on the screen.

“Hey love! You are you here yet?” I asked kind of excited. Ever since the trip Karrueche had become a good friend of mines after Ny introduced us.

“Nooo! Im waiting on Chris he’s packing!” He chuckled.

“Well I can’t wait for y’all to get here! Im super excited!” I yelled almost going off the road. “Honey let me call you back before I kill me and my children.”

Moments later I was pulling up at Aug’s condo. I noticed a Pink BMW in the driveway. ‘He really fuckin wit this ratchet ass bitch? ’ I thought.

I could hear commotion inside the house before I opened the door with the key Aug had given me.

“Uhh … hello?” I yelled dropping the twins bookbags at the door.

“Get the fuck out!” I heard Aug yell following a loud thump.

I put the twins in the living room and turned the t.v. up to the max before I walked up the stairs to see a crying Nikkei in lingerie and August throwing her stuff.

“What’s going on? ” I asked pulling him away from the dresser.

“Look its not a good time!” He growled rubbing the back of his neck.

“Well YOUR kids are down stairs. I hope she’s not staying. I told you I don’t want her near them. ” I whispered glancing up at Nikkei.

“Look we co parenting, right? What I do in my house is my business!” He yelled in my face.

After that day August and I shared our true feelings for each other I thought we would be on good terms but after we got back to Atlanta he started to act different and he was back with Nikkei.

“Look Aug you not finna talk to me like you talk to these hoes out here! Either bring yo ass on or I’ll be happy to go back to a single parent!” I snapped walking out of the door.

I heard his footsteps pass me down the stairs to greet AJ and Seppie. I wasn’t going to take them from him I just hate that he puts his guard up with me now.

“Y’all wanna go to the park?” He asked picking them up in each hand.

“Can we go mommy?”

I grabbed my keys off the sofa, “If daddy says we’re going we’re going!” I giggled.

Nikkei

I was tired of Aug’s back and forth shit between me and that hoe. I needed my space so I decided to tell him I was gonna officially move in with my boyfriend, Michael. That’s why he got into that big argument before that bitch decided to bring those damn kids in my house. To be honest August was just here because he showered me with money and gifts and I thought he loved me. Of course I knew he didn’t because every time that weak bitch came into the picture he would run to her. I wasn’t jealous of her but I was jealous of what she had, and that was two kids by my man.

“Fuck em both!” I blurted out pushing the rest of my things into a suitcase. I threw his house keys into a nearby bush speeding off into my BMW never to look back again.

August

I watched AirRen play with the twins in the secluded area of the park. I wasn’t tryna hide my kids because I was ashamed I just didn’t want everyone in my business especially paparazzi.

I lost my train of thought as Seppie ran towards me pulling my hands, “Daddy come play with us!” She giggled.

It still felt weird having two kids calling me daddy. I always wanted kids especially by AirRen but not under these conditions.

“Mommy can daddy push me too?” AJ asked looking up at me.

“Your just taking my babies from me Aug!” She pouted.

“Hush lil mama … let me bond wit my yougin’.” I smiled.

She rolled her eyes walking over to the bench pulling out a huge thing of chocolate milk walking back over and gulped it down.

“Aint you chocolate enough?” I asked licking my lips.

“Aug shut up … im not about to deal with you.”

I honestly didn’t know what I wanted from AirRen. I loved her with everything in me but being with her ment more of a commitment than it ever did because two kids were brought into the mix.

“Why not lil mama?” I asked looking towards her.

“Because you send me mix emotions. I don’t have time for that.” She said simply looking down at her shoes.

“Look I love you but-”

“We can’t be together! I get it! Look I gotta go meet up with the girls. Ill see you later.” She kissed the twins swaying her hips walking to her car.

'Damn I love her.’

Trey

I was hyped about my baby having a baby. I had called my mom and aunt and told them to be prepared for my son or daughter. I decided to call up my homies to tell them the good news.

“Was poppin’!” Aug laughed. I could hear the twins in the background.

“What up niggah!”

“Nun just chillin’ wit my yougin.”

“Niggah I got some news!” I laughed holding the black and white picture.

“What yo punk ass got to say ”

“My baby having a baby!”

“Damn! Congratulations niggah! Daddy Trey Trey can’t be talkin bout sex no mo!” He chuckled saying something to Seppie about her falling off the slide.

“Man niggah please. My music is baby making mus-”

“I know niggah! Y’all living proof of that.” He joked.

We talked for a few more minutes until I decided to call Chris and tell him about his new nephew. Then I waited for my baby to return home from being with her girls.

Nyla

I had been sitting in the restaurant forever waiting on Karrueche and Ren’s late asses. They finally arrived 2 minutes apart looking fabulous. I sipped on my tea eating the bread that I had ordered while waiting for them.

“You look cute lil baby!” I smiled looking at AirRen.

“Thanks you too. Why are you glowin?” She asked playing with my curls.

“She probably got a good dick down or she pregnant! ” K said looking down at the menu.

I stayed silent waiting for them to catch on.

“Oh my God!!! Your- oh my god!” Ren clapped placing her hand on my stomach as I nodded.

“When? How? Omg!” K laughed hysterically.

“Well I’m pretty sure we ALL know how! But I found out this morning. I wasn’t feeling to good after our trip so I decided to go.”

“We have to go shopping! This baby is gonna be so spoiled! ” Ren cheered.

“Noo not another spoiled baby! ” I chuckled.

“Yes! Aunt AirRen is gonna spoil you baby! ” She cooed to my stomach.

“Along with me!” K laughed rubbing my belly.

We had decided to a little shopping after our lunch date. I was thrilled about my baby but I didn’t want my business about my pregnancy out yet. I watched paparazzi snap pictures of Karrueche, AirRen and I in the baby boutique in downtown Atlanta.

As we walked out they surrounded use, “Which one of you are pregnant?” “Are you August Alsina’s new girlfriend?” “Karrueche have you ran into Rihanna lately?”

“Why are they so evil?” Karrueche asked rolling her eyes as we made it into the next store.

“Girl ignore the ignorance!” I replied looking through the clothes.

We continued to shop and enjoy the rest of our day together.

AirRen

It was really late when I called Aug wanting to pick up the twins. I jogged towards the steps opening the door.

“You can’t keep walking up in hea’.” He chuckled in the kitchen.

“You gave me a key. What do you want me to use it for?” I said hitting his bare chest.

“Yeah that was when you were sexing ah niggah and cooking fah me.”

I kissed my teeth looking through his refrigerator for pickles or peanut butter that I had been craving for about a month now. I hadn’t noticed him behind me. “Aug what are you doing?”

“I ain’t doing nun… yet?” He smirked going under my shirt playing with the silver hoop around my nipple. He raised his eyebrow licking his lips.

“You like?” I smirked. He rubbed his thumb over my nipple lifting my bra replacing his thumb with his tongue. ‘This isn’t right.’ I thought.

“I miss you lil mama.” He said looking into my eyes pulling up on the counter.

“August I can’t!” I pushed him away making my way to the steps. He grabbed my arm.

“Why not?” His eyes were hungry for my body.

“I don’t want us to only have sex! I go places and got paparazzi following me asking me am I yah girl! August I can’t answer a question I don’t know the answer to.”

He looked down at the floor and shrugged. I walked into his guest grabbing the twins and walk out of his house crying into my baby’s shirt.

’FUCK August! Forreal this time!’ I thought.

Just rewatched Godzilla '98...


It’s no small secret that Godzilla (1998), otherwise known as G.I.N.O. (Godzilla In Name Only), will perhaps FOREVER be recognized as “that first American remake”…or even “that piece of CRAP American remake.”
I can’t speak for the fandom at large, but I’ve had a strange sense of…well, it’s as though I’m finally at peace.
I’ve railed against the ‘98 movie, I’ve blasted it viciously, I’ve even defended it and called for my fellow G-fans to “just let it go.”

But should it be buried? Forgotten?

Maybe not so much.

At the encouragement of a handful of friends (and my lovely fiance’, who personally enjoyed the film as a child), we threw caution to the wind and tossed the thing onscreen.
It was something of a thought experiment. With a new major release on the way, what sort of feelings would the film elicit? Would I be enraged? Could I finally distance myself enough to enjoy it for what it is?

The verdict is…“Man this movie is stupid.”

Now, “stupid” doesn’t necessarily mean “bad.” I’ve always been of the opinion that the worst thing a movie can do is be BORING. And G'98 certainly isn’t that, at least not for me. In fact, it’s pretty darn fast-paced, and has some genuinely enjoyable bits sprinkled throughout, ranging from earnestly watchable to eye-rolling irony. “Oh 1998, you so cray-cray.”

I’ll shorten this with handy-dandy bullet points!

Good(zilla) -
- Despite the increasingly dated CGI, there’s some impressive miniature work, models,, explosions, and even suitmation (despite all the raving against such things by the cats in charge). Overall it’s damn good LOOKING.
- The editing is quick and relatively smart, making sure things don’t bog down…well, not TOO much.
- The action sequences are well-shot, with an overall feeling of kinetic action, not unlike a roller coaster.
- There’s a handful of characters that are pretty amusing and genuinely fun. Jean Reno flip-flops between hammy and stiff, but he’s always got a memorable line or look. Sergeant O'Neill is a side character whom I wish the entire MOVIE was about. Hank Azaria and the other character actors on board are doing their damndest to salvage the plot from the extremely tepid main characters.
- The whole opening sequence, dumbass shots of lizards aside, is pretty good, especially with the music. And the part on the Japanese fishing boat? It’s almost like I’m watching a Godzilla movie!
- With its wimpering cries, the monster’s death is actually pretty heart-wrenching, despite the film being so dryly hateful towards the animal (nobody wants Godzilla preserved or studied, a missed opportunity).

Bad(zilla) -
- Yes, the CGI is quickly dating itself as time marches on. Even Jurassic Park’s elegantly reserved CG is better by comparison.
- Matthew Broderick….ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….well, I like him in Ferris Bueller!
- Maria Pitillo is relatively ok, but so painfully dull-faced for most of the movie…and the otherwise serviceable soundtrack craps out this AWFUL cornball romantic-theme whenever she gets goo-goo-eyed over Broderick. Oh, and people don’t sound like that when they cry.
- Yeah. We get it. They’re FRENCH.
- Yeah. We get it. It’s NEW YORK.
- The entire cab-chase sequence, despite being somewhat exciting on a superficial level, is just so damn stupid that I keep getting thrown out of the movie every time the monster lightly nudges it with his (her) snout. It’s supposed to be ANGRY, right? So why doesn’t it just annihilate the cab instead of playing with it?!
- Science is flogged mercilessly throughout the film. Yeah, it’s a monster movie, but there has to be SOME logic to what’s happening so the audience isn’t so badly pandered to. “Theropoda allosaurus” isn’t a thing. If the pregnancy test wasn’t designed for non-human creatures, how did it register as “pregnant”? Etc. etc. etc.
- If the monster was SO COLD that the missiles couldn’t lock on, then it would be DEAD (basically, that’s not how being exothermic works).
- There are too many damn characters in this, like many of Emmerich’s films, and most of them are shoved aside by the 20 minute mark…so why were they introduced in the first place?
- The whole pregnancy and giant eggs thing…how did they even know it was male to start? Is it just called male as a default state? If it’s asexual…then doesn’t that make it closer to a female genetically in order to reproduce? Geneticists, sound off!
- If they hit it with the torpedoes…wouldn’t that have exploded it what good? How did it survive the torpedoes but not the tomahawk missiles?
- Why does the creature even assume that the puny humans had anything to do with killing the babies?
- The creature is supposed to be radioactive…enough to contaminate the old man from the fishing boat. So why is radiation poisoning never a concern for the rest of the film?

Okay, so as you can see, it sort of devolves into shouting questions at the screen, clawing at your head with all the plot contrivances. Ultimately, this is something of an exercise for me.

Basically, I was able to watch the film, and almost never find myself comparing it back against Godzilla. Almost. The shifting of the blame from America to the French for the nuclear tests feels disingenuous on the part of the filmmakers. Not that the French weren’t conducting their own tests, but America tested WAY MORE, and it didn’t NEED to be French Polynesia…it feels like that was chosen specifically because, in the late 90’s, we weren’t quite ready to admit that the US can be just as terrible as everyone else.

They don’t even call the creature “Godzilla” very often. Specifically, it’s only named 4 times (as I recall, could be off by one) -
1. By the old Japanese fisherman.
2. By Charles Caiman on the news.
3. By O'Neill towards the end.
4. By the news station at the finale (“Godzilla Defeated!”)

So, yeah, therapeutic and cathartic! I think I’m ready for the new film with as little baggage as possible :D

Unless they make a Rifftrax. Then I’m ALL OVER that shit.

We Gon Call This Story Poppin lol

So this Story takes place in good Ol Washington DC. So for those of you that dont know Im a Artist songwriter/poet/ and party host. So im kind of plugged in a little bit.

so my boy does this popping ass free party by DuPont circle shit be crazy lit for a Wednesday night.
So On this particular night I decide to step out and turn up after my studio session. So I get there mad early and its me my boy and some random people there just chillen. And in walks these two girls both bad as fuck. I mean super bad especially this one joint she had those little two buns you girls be wearing. She was a nice short, petite lil joint just how I like em. 

So they walk up and speak to my boy and then say wassup to me. You know they like how you and I’m like good and shit trying to be cool n shit

and the lil short joint just jumps on the couch and sits right next to me all comfortable and what not.

So I’m trying to be all cool and what not pay no attention and shit and they making conversation and I’m making jokes, vibing to the music and shit. And shawty friend, we’ll call her “fishy” (you’ll learn why later) she like I never seen you before and I’m like I be in the cut chilling(lying I be everywhere just never bumped into these joints before) 

so she like oh my Friend she need someone low key. And I’m like 👀👀👀😳 so she look at me and I look at her and we both start laughing. 

So now me and the friend (we gon call her poppin) we just rocking out to the DJ. For some reason he was playing all the old skool classics like all the 90s early 2000s and we the only ones rocking to it and her friend(fishy) like wtf. 

So fast forward through the night it gets packed and live as normal. We partying someone spilled a drink on poppin and me being the closest person to her I grab some napkins and wipe her down all sensual n shit like naw baby I got you

 lol and she like oh okay zaddy (really but not really) but yeah it was a good time. So at the end of the night everybody leaving and saying goodbyes and I look and Poppin be in rapped up from some random nigga she curve him lol. So I walk up and fishy like you coming to my birthday party Friday? You should! You better! So I’m like cool that’s what’s up. So we bout to exchange numbers and Poppin like oh hell naw, that’s my bae and he taking my number. So I’m like oh really 

okay cool. So we exchange numbers and for some reason I butt dial her.
I get home and Looks who calling. Poppin,  so she like wassup I’m oh my bad I ain’t to call you, she like damn it’s like that? I’m like no i  butt dialed you my fault, she say oh you act like you didn’t wanna use my number and I say girl I’m damn sure gon use the number lol.

 So next day come I hit her with the Goodmorning text off the early morning. You know how that goes. So we end up talking all day like literally allll day. Face timing and all and I’m on face time just looking at her like damn she’s beautiful like wtf. 

You know when you pull that one person that be way outta your league n shit that was her. But anywho on to the next day we kick off with the Goodmorning text again and began the all day convo. That night we was supposed to link up for her girls bday thing y'all remember Fishy right lol. So I’m feeling good I hop in the car and head to the barber shop Go park walk in get fresh and walk out.

Head back to the car and my window is shattered. Glass everywhere.

 I panic. I was so livid. I forgot I left my bag in the front seat with my camera in it. Bruh when I say I was so hurt I wanted to cry but Ima G so I had to choke that shit up. Call the cops make a report and say fuck everything. I take my car back home cuz I can’t ride around with a window missing not a good look. So I’m home trying to figure out if I should stay home of go to Fishy bday shit and see my new boo or whatever and guess what a nigga did. yuuuup you guess it hop my ass in a uber and told him step on it 

I walk in and everybody  like turn up and hands me shots cuz You know my friends are the best and they know I was still pissed. 

So that Night ends and we continue to talk and text all day everyday for the next week or two. So turns out its her birthday so I’m like shit turn up Ima take you out and everything I got you. I stay up till like 12 

to make sure I’m like the first to wish her a happy bday all that. I take her it for drinks and everything. But while we out I notice she never called me by my name she always called me poppin. 

My name in her phone was old school poppin because of the night we met. Okay no biggie. I didn’t think nothing of it cool. So like a month goes by and you know we been out a couple of times and we tallk like everyday. So now I’m feeling her. Like everything about her. I’m like okay I could see myself with her.

 And that’s where I fucked up. So now here where the poem comes into play. Now I told you we was talking everyday like she knows about my mom passing and everything. I know about her father and the big ass car accident she was in, I even prayed for her cuz she was going through it. Right. 

So I wrote the poem one morning mind you it just happened and the last poem I wrote before that was the Letter to my Mom poem I did while planning her funeral and this was the first time I was motivated to write a real poem since so I was happy. So I send her the poem and she points out a couple lines she liked but that was like it. Like No nothing.No emotion none. 

Like I don’t know what I was expecting but it was a little more than that. So I don’t think nothing of it. So now another week go by and we talking. I take her lunch to her job just cuz that’s the type shit I do. You Know.

That weekend she goes outta town on business so that Friday before she leaves I’m like I’m trying to see you before you go. She was like okay well you can come over and chill before I go to my boys bday( we won’t say his name cuz that’s not important) but the first thing I realize is she called him by name not by nickname but by his actual name.okay strike one. 

So I’m like okay cool. I get there and her bestie A is there(not fishy but A but before I Forget fishy got that name because she got in my car and it smelled like old tuna) 

so it’s me, A and Poppin all chilling and her roommate walks in and she introduced me as “Poppin” not Tony or Tone but Poppin like bihh what 

okay cools strike 2. So I drop them off to the club and head to my normal spot. That whole weekend I didn’t hear from her. For the next 2 weeks our texting and convo was at a ultimate low so I started feeling some type of way. We would talk through the week and she’d go MIA for the weekend okay cool. So my bday weekend comes up and I’m got the whole weekend lit. I’m hosting parties everything she didn’t come to not one event. My bday was on a Monday I was getting all type of texts and even had another young lady take me out to eat and everything(love you for that). I go through the whole day of and 10pm I get a text saying “how was your day” bihh what? 

strike 3 

So Tuesday goes by and I don’t text dont call no nothing. That Wednesday my boy say’s come out its your bday come turn up so I’m like okay cool. 

So I’m out in the city nothing to do till the party so I text her and say wassup I’m out in the city wyd I wanna you. She says I’m chilling with A but later I’ll be at Heist. That’s fine I was going anyway. So I go to the club and look who walks in we speaks I buy drinks and we party. Then she says you know my birthday this week.

👀👀👀👀 wait what you birthday is when
Oh hell to the fucking naw. You mean to tell me. So then I was done. I didn’t make a scene I just took a mental note and continued my night. Fast forward we parting and I look over and her and A having a huge argument like embarrassing on another level. 

A walks out and leaves her there with no way home. With me being the nice guy I am I offer. In my mind this my time to really have a convo with her and see wtf is really up. So she says yeah I’ll ride with you, okay cool. So now it’s time to go she says her goodbyes I Dapp up my Niggas and I head to the door. She says hold on goes to the DJ booth says something to this Nigga looks at me and say I’m good. So I say fuck it and walk off. 

And never look back. I delete her number and chalk up the L. We haven’t really spoke since then. I seen her a couple weeks ago and she was like it’s been along time bitch I know 😒😒😒 we should link up mmhmm okay what ever

Now she on ig and snapchat with her new boo
And I’m sitting here telling this story to y'all
At least I got some good material out of it 

😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

Month two, you were harder. And you were sweeter. I read once about coffee that only grows at high altitude, on cool craggy terraces in South American mountains. It’s prized for its resilience, for the hard fight of growth that makes it richer and more delicious. And that was weeks five to nine in the little lives of Ulysses Verne and Juniper Jean.

My mom came to visit for two weeks and my sister for one, and they had divine timing. The cavalry arriving just as the babes stretched out into this world and decided to sleep less and loudly opine more. We took them on their first trip to Lake Arrowhead for the 4th of July and learned too late that tiny babes often have a rough time with altitude. Uly struggled and fussed all night, uncomfortable and I felt terrible. But we did it and (confession) I think I would do it again, because there was something so powerful about knowing that they could go and do this hard thing and leave the comfort of home and adapt to tiny strange cabins under pine canopies bursting with the beautiful energy and abundant love of their cousins and be mostly so fun and sweet and patient despite their discomfort. They can do hard things. Mama can too.

So in month two, we kept on trucking. We packed up to explore the city over and over, though it laughably takes an hour or two to get on the road and someone melts down en route and you start to think is it worth it? Maybe we should be hermits. Running back to the car in a wonderful freak downpour yesterday, pushing a soggy stroller and a crying wet Junie and a somehow sleeping Uly, Chris and I laughed and laughed and agreed, it is so worth it. Last week, my sweet kiddos lay on a blanket in this idyllic dappled shade on a large soft museum lawn that surely can’t be drought compliant and wriggled around and tested out their arms and legs and scanned the trees and sky and folk music buskers and day campers with such crazy-eyed delight that I thought my heart would bust apart. Already, it is pure joy to see this world over again with them.

Family left and it was hard to not have the extra hands and adult conversations and Uly especially mourns the cuddles, the constant touch and connection. You start learning to accept the guilt that with two, someone’s cries are always going to take a minute longer to answer. They will learn patience earlier in life than their mama has. So it is hard to be alone in many ways and in others, it is beautiful as distractions recede and I refocus on these little creatures. These new best friends of mine. My smart friend Elizabeth said this the other day: “It’s a truly two-sided relationship that, in the end, will be held as a memory only by one of the people in the relationship, which is tragic and beautiful all at once.” And I was so surprised by that observation because I missed it previously and she is right – motherhood is the strangest love affair. Intense and solitary and I’ve never known anything like it.

So yes, it is good to be alone with them. To learn each of them in a way that help, with all its incredible relief, doesn’t totally allow. To start to know what each turn of their head or noise means as they feed, and when they stop, what they need before they can continue. To watch Junie’s little hands wiggle and grasp bathwater and micro fleece and her dad’s sheltering shoulders and my fingers as she’s falling asleep. To watch her eat up the world and to be so eager to know how she will write about it someday, because I can see already she will. She takes in too much to not be sewing something beautiful with it. It is everything to see Uly’s first smile and to coax it again and again and again and laugh back in such a loud eruption of visceral humanity and gratitude and affirmation that it scares him a little. I wish I could shine this little face around all the dark nooks of the world; no one would not be better for watching this little man’s face curve apart with such happiness.

And just when my ability to revel in these babes is burned up by their impatient, inexplicable cries in the witching hour, Chris comes home like a reprieve. Like a hero. And I retreat to the kitchen and cook something slow or volunteer to wash dishes and I don’t replace any pacifiers that fall out over and over and over like some kind of torturous game. And I am filled back up while he is alone with them in their own wonderland and it is good again.

The days fly by, somehow. And some hours are hard and some hours are so damn sweet I keep thinking they are too good to be true. That some kind of baby or happiness police are going to knock on the door any minute and reclaim these two. That’s it, that’s all you get, they’ll say. No one deserves any more happiness than what you’ve already received. But each morning, they are still here. June bug with this perfect little sigh she makes in her sleep. This dear hmmm, hmmm, hmmm that makes you lose your mind with tenderness for her. And Ul man, always the first awake, our wild boy, who enters every day swinging and grunting but calms beside you when you pull him from the bassinet and hold him to you in the still dark room before we crack the curtains and step off into the day. Just you and your quiet, big eyed boy.

This is month two. Too good to be true, yes. Laborious and demanding and running away so quickly. Each day its own small retreat and I am learning and learning, I promise. Love you, sweet babes.

Imagine: You and Dean not seeing each other for a couple of weeks cause of a big fight. When he finally sees you he remembers all the things he loves about you.

Dean pov:

I loved her. I still love her. Yelling at her and saying things that I didn’t mean to say. I never even got to tell her sorry or that I always have and always will love her. She was gone before I could fight for the love of my life.

I was walking around the bunker, looking for something to take my mind off of her. I walked passed Sammy’s room and I heard I’m talking to someone. I peered through the crack of the door to see him talk on the phone with her. I was gonna step inside but I wanted to listen in first.

Sam: how are you doing?
Y/N: umm…I guess I’m ok…it just hurts, ya know?

———the night of the fight———

Y: You asshole!

D: Keep talking, princess! Nothing you say matters anyways!

Y: I’m always here for you, dean! And you still treat me like shit! I thought you loved me?!

D: Well you guessed wrong! I don’t love you! Never have, never will! You should just leave since, I guess I just made the mistake of loving someone like you!

I saw that tear rolled down her face…I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t mean what I said. I tried to walk up to her and caress her cheek but she pushed me.

Y: *she sniffs* I guess so. I’m sorry I’m not beautiful enough, or strong enough, or perfect enough for you, dean…

D: Y/N…I didn’t mean any of that I-

Y: Don’t…its okay…umm I’m gonna go to sleep…I’ll see you in the morning…

She walked to her room and closed the door slowly and locked it. I felt horrible…she’s the best thing to ever happen to me and I ruined it.

Next morning I woke up early to see her. I ran to her room and it was open…the room was empty…she was gone. I walked inside to find a note on her bed.

Dean,
I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you. You deserve better than a piece of shit like me. I’m sorry I’m not like the girls you hooked up with before, I’m not beautiful, or smart enough for you. Thank you for being the only person to make me feel beautiful and loved. And sexy. And wanted. Thank you for all of it. I love you always.

——–present day——-

Sam: I know and I’m sorry…hey, how bout we go out for drink tomorrow night? We both really need a brake from everything.

Y/N: umm….yeah ok. I’ll meet you at the bar across the street.

Sam: okay. Sounds good. Goodnight, Y/N.

Y/N: goodnight Sammy.

I walked away from the door before Sam could even realize I was there. I laid in my bed that night. Thinking.
That’s it! I’m gonna get her back! Shes my baby girl. And I’m gonna fight for her.

—–next day around 7 pm—–

Sam grabbed his keys and left. As soon as I saw his car leave I ran to the Impala and followed him. When he got there he got out of his car and ran inside. I got out of my car as well. I walked in making sure Sam or her didn’t see me walk in. I sat in the far corner of the bar and order my beer. I saw her hug Sam. God, she’s so beautiful. Her smile that made dimples light up, I fucking loved her smile especially when I was the one who made it appear in the first place. I loved making her smile because I knew it made her blush and I loved it when she felt beautiful. And her eyes, her eyes could put the stars to shame. And her body, her body is so sexy. She always complained that she wasn’t skinny enough or pretty enough, but god damn she had an amazing body. I loved tracing my fingers along it and cupping her face in my hands to pull her in for a kiss. She’s always been and still is gorgeous.

It’s been at least an hour.
I saw Sammy nudge her toward to the back of the bar where there was a karaoke stage and a DJ. She was a bit tipsy but walk to the stage anyways. She whispered something in the DJs ear and he smiled and nodded. She turned around with the spot light hitting her perfectly. She look absolutely amazing with her light make up, even if she looked incredible without it, her shiny light pink eye shadow and dark mascara. Her skinny jeans made her ass look so fine. And she was wearing a my ACDC shirt with a denim shirt to hang over it. She looked so good.

She waited for the song to come on. And then thats when the music started and she starting singing. She had amazing voice, it was so sexy. Thats when I realized what song she was singing.

You know I’d fall apart without you
I don’t know how you do what you do
‘Cause everything that don’t make sense about me
Makes sense when I’m with you

Wanted by Hunter Hayes…it was the song I played on our first date. It was our song.

When I wrap you up
When I kiss your lips.
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
'Cause, baby, I, I wanna make you feel wanted
As good as you make me feel
I wanna make you feel better
Better than your fairy tales
Better than your best dreams
You’re more than everything I need
You’re all I ever wanted
All I ever wanted

As the song started to come to an end. She saw me.

And I just wanna wrap you up
Wanna kiss your lips
I wanna make you feel wanted
And I wanna call you mine
Wanna hold your hand forever
And never let you forget it
Yeah, I wanna make you feel wanted
Baby, I wanna make you feel wanted
You’ll always be wanted

She finished and it was so good, but I realized she was crying. I wanted to run up there and hold her but I couldn’t.

——-readers pov———

I saw him. I saw him smiling at me and at the song I chose. But as the song was coming to an end, I let tears fall from my eyes because the song was ours and after everything he told me that night…I couldn’t face him.

I quickly walked off the stage. Sam stopped me. I turned to see where Dean was sitting, but he wasn’t there. It was all in my head, I guess. That is until I heard his voice come from the stage.

Dean: ok so umm…I want to dedicate this song to the only women on this earth that I will ever love.

He pointed at me and with those gorgeous green emerald iris. Everyone looked at me and clapped and awed. I smirk a little and blush but I was still hurt.

Dean: I was so stupid to let you go. And all those things I told you. None of them were true. Y/N, I love you. I always have and I always will. But I know that this lame ass apology isn’t enough but maybe this song will explain with the words that I can’t express…this is for you, baby girl.

A tear rolled down your cheek and you smile and chuckled a little. He whispers something to the DJ and nods.
The song started.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you’re far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
'Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

I don’t want to miss a thing by Aerosmith. This is the song you guys made love to the first night Dean asked you out. Your heart swelled and fluttered. You smile big at him and he was looking at you the whole time, so listened.

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming,
Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we’re together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
'Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Don’t wanna close my eyes
Don’t wanna fall asleep
'Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

You loved him so much it hurt. Another year fell from you cheek.

'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing


He got on both knees and exaggerated the notes. He smile and chuckled a little and so did you.


I don’t wanna miss one smile
I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
I feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For the rest of time, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Don’t wanna close my eyes
Don’t wanna fall asleep
'Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
'Cause I’d miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream would never do
and I’d still miss you, baby
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
Don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don’t wanna miss a thing
I don’t wanna miss a thing


As he sang the last notes he walked off the stage and stepped closer to you. Your face was inches away from his. And he cups my face with one hand while the other held the microphone and caress my cheek to wipe off the tears with with his thumb. I closed my eyes with the warm and gentle touch of his fingers. He used his finger to pick up my head up so he could leaned in to kiss me. Our lips crashed against one another’s. The kiss was passionate and soft. That’s when you realized everyone was clapping and cheering. You laughed and so did he. We lay our foreheads against each others. You stare
at his beautiful green eyes.

Y/N: I’m sorry for everything. I love you, dean. I miss you so much. But I understand if you don’t want to-

He shuts you up with another kiss. And leans to your ear allowing the stubble on his cheek tickle you and send a chill down your body.

Dean: You have nothing to be sorry for. I was stupid for letting you go and pushing you away. For not fighting hard enough to make you stay. For not saying sorry. And the things you wrote on that letter were wrong. You, y/n, are so absolutely beautiful, and gorgeous, and sexy, and smart, and brave. Your personality is amazing. YOU are perfect.

He faces you again to see you had shed another tear because of his words. He wipes them away again.

Dean: I love you…Always, Y/N.


;)