i always cry and

Do you think there was ever a time, before the beatings started, when Maxon looked up to his dad? Was there ever a time Maxon told Amberely he wanted to be as good of a king as his dad? Was there ever a time Maxon longed for his dad spending time with him, and when it happened, it was the only thing he thought about for weeks? Do you think there was ever a time when Clarkson softened on a 5 year old Maxon and spent time with him? Do you think there was a time when Clarkson hadn’t broken his son? Do you think I’ll ever stop crying over this??

in his spare time, reaper records vape trick vlogs and puts them on yt, he has 300k subscribers and theyre all male aged 16-30

anonymous asked:

Honestly I always think about Harry crying to you like not about your relationship but maybe because things just aren't going his way lately and he's really overwhelmed with how much pressure is put on him so you just let him melt into you for a while as you pet through his hair until he feels better

In the midst of people trying to guess my name, we see that yours is Satan. Ouch….

i was tagged by my wife @poppypomfrey ily darling kudos to u for actually doing one of these xx

rules: complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. when you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. have fun and enjoy!
1: are you named after someone? no. my parents just thought it was pretty??  

2: when was the last time you cried? unlike ellie i cry all the fucking time the water works are always flowin im a fucking fountain of tears babe

3: do you like your handwriting? I DO BUT MY TEACHERS HATE IT BECAUSE IT’S SO SMALL? LIKE EXCUSE ME ITS THE AESTHETIC

4: what is your favourite lunch meat? i’m just going to leave this question here. ‘lunch meat’. 

5: do you have kids? i fucking hate children and im 16 so

6: if you were another person, would you be friends with you? no i also fucking hate mysel

7: do you use sarcasm? sarcasm is the only thing keeping me from Death

8: do you still have your tonsils? yes. (also i read this as ‘do you still have your toenails’ and unfortunately i recently lost one of them so again, im working through that. thanks for fuxking bringing it up smh)

9: would you bungee jump? id be down for anything vaguely life-threatening

10: what is your favourite kind of cereal? CEREAL IS DISGUSTING BUT I WILL TELL U MY LEAST FAVOURITE CEREAL - FUCKING WEETBIX I WONT LET THAT SHIT GO ANYWHERE NEAR MY ASS ELLIE U CAN COUNT ON THAT. 

11: do you untie your shoes when you take them off? yes bc otherwise i cant get them off??

12: do you think you’re a strong person? i do actually. 

13: what is your favourite ice cream? not answering bc i cant fucking believe that @poppypomfrey’s favourite flavour is PISTACHIO WHAT KIND OF UNGODLINESS

14: what is the first thing you notice about people? idk probably whether i like them or not

16: what is the least favourite physical thing you like about yourself? im not about this negativity man!! but i am, so. probably my thighs !!

17: what color pants and shoes are you wearing now? im wearing no shoes and blue shorts

19: what are you listening to right now? a lot of motherfuckin loud birds outside

20: if you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue! 

21: favourite smell? lavendar and freshly mown grass and woodsmoke and the ocean & vanilla 

22: who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my friend!

23: favorite sport to watch? tennis! or netball. or footy . hm

24: hair color? brown/red/yuck

25: eye color? green

26: do you wear contacts? nope!

27: favourite food to eat? haloumi, pizza, ice cream, frozen yoghurt, anything bad for me, etc

28: scary movies or comedy? comedy!!

29: last movie you watched? rogue one! and it rocked my world! 

30: what color of shirt are you wearing? its white and it has a palm tree on it and a surfboard bc its from hawaii motherfucker!!!!/!nnn

31: summer or winter? winter!

32: hugs or kisses? this bitch has never been kissed so hugs! hug me. please

33: what book are you currently reading? the goldfinch by donna tartt

34: who do you miss right now? me grandpa

35: what is on your mouse pad? nothing im basic as hell. a lot of finger marks probably 

36: what is the last tv program you watched? bones

37: what is the best sound? THIS JUST IN: ELLIE AND I ARE THE SAME PERSON. but to add to that - the sound of the ocean waves. or the sound of ellie’s voice. that’s right up here

38: rolling stones or the beatles? the beatles! 

39: what is the furthest you have ever traveled? shit fam geography is not my strong point but probably europe? or america. one of those

40: do you have a special talent? im pretty good with musical instruments! and lovin’ buffy summers. my homegirl. my wife

41: where were you born? 'straya

im tagging the Babes™ @aliciaspinet @wlwbuffy @slutorama @jiilys @sunnydaleslut @angelandfaith @willowsrosenbergs @of-therose @blanchctt @emofaith & anyone else who wants to do this!

tcrvi  *lies down on mama lagertha* ♥

i knooooow ♥ that little relationship has become so utterly important to me, and it’s saving the season for me. ngl. i hate when people call torvi a mini-lagertha, but who else is she going to look up to? who else is going to teach her strength to get past all the shit she’s lived with? lagertha. of course it would always be lagertha.

i could cry about this tbh. bc it’s so so important. we see her grow so much throughout the seasons, and i do think just being around lagertha was beneficial for her. not to say lags is totally responsible, but when you have a husband like Erlendur and you see a woman like lags who takes no shit from any of the men, that’s inspiring, ya know ???? and she had the courage to kill him! i just love their relationship so much, because obviously lags thinks enough of her to keep her so close, to train her, to have her at her side at all times. ntm, the mother / daughter in law relationship is a good one, which is also v important to me given how much lags loves and respects bjorn 

don’t be ashamed if you cry. i have been there before and i know how good it feels when the aching river runs cold off your eyelids and trickles down your cheeks before dripping to your hands. i know it feels great and horrible at the same time to have your skin burn from the poison while letting your chest turn lighter. i know that tears feel heavier than blood when your heart is trembling from endless quakes that break you into pieces, only fed by your heart pumping them with pain. so cry, even if others tell you to stay strong. you are human and humans are weak and easily break and that is always okay. cry: i know your problems do not deserve any of your tears, but cry because you deserve to get better.
—  cry because it’s what you need.

“Jamie, can you see me? I’m camouflaged pretty well.”

This boy. I’ll save being super sappy for another time but @hideandconfide is my MCM (really everyday, shocker). He is my best friend before anything else and we’ve had each other’s backs since day one. I can trust him completely and I know I’ll always be able to run to him when I need to cry on his shoulder or when I need one of his amazing hugs to cheer me up. I absolutely adore this man and I’m so, so lucky to have him in my life. Anytime we’re together it’s like we’re surrounded in nothing but warmth and good vibes and I wouldn’t let go of that for the world. Thanks for being my best friend and thank you for showing me that it’s okay to let people in sometimes. 💖

anonymous asked:

speaking of the laurens interlude... i listen to the hamilton soundtrack all the time which doesn't include it. so ofc i forgot about it in the time since i first watched a bootleg. imagine my horror and surprise when i was watching an act 1 bootleg yesterday. sidenote: anthony somehow always has sooo much emotion in his voice. i'm crying in the club again (i'm also Laf works at Lush anon this is a common phrase in my life)

oh boy ok u know what’s my favourite emotive voice ant is during ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) weeeeellllllll i heard u got a special someone on the siiiiidie buuuurrrr ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but fuCk im sorry u went through that

Raw

Very, and I mean VERY, shortly after my mother died, a person close to me asked me— when I was in a stoich, getting-through-this demeanor, “are you even going to cry over this? Have you even cried?” 

Something like that.

Because I love them, and because I am a coward, I will never tell them how much that cut me to the quick. How much that added unnecessary insult to the GODDAMED PROFOUND INJURY OF BEING A FUCKING ORPHAN. I will sit in my silence. As I did then, I will do now.  

(My parentheticals is where I get judgemental) (They were super emotional.) (Like to an unearned degree.) (Which is historically precedented.) (Not about you.) (I kind of want to text them every time I cry like HERE. HERE IS YOUR PROOF)

That’s always stayed with me. Was I not SAD enough? Am I a Monster? More than I already knew I was? Can I blame my Cultural Catholicism*? 

I really wish I could point them to tonight and let them know that grief is a SLOW BURN. We don’t live it in easy chunks. You get through this life as best you can and then get hit across the face with loss. 

For me, it was the quoted below. I read it on Facebook, of all motherfucking things, and as @beerburritowhiskey came back with a round, he had to pretend to ignore that I was crying (or he’s a terrible husband and didn’t notice.)

So, sure, I’m crying. I’ll be crying the rest of my days. I will be crying, or on the verge of, for the rest of the time I am here. I miss you mom. I miss you Kate. I miss you Greg. I miss you so deeply and profoundly it feels like my heart is going to burst from my chest and hitchhike somewhere warmer. Somewhere safer. Somewhere closer to you. 

I need more whiskey. 


When people we can’t live without die, everyone likes to quote John Donne, “Death be not proud.” Yeah yeah yeah, thank you for sharing. My father died of brain cancer when he was seven years younger than I am now. He was my closest person. I did not love it. My best friend died years ago, leaving behind an 18 month old daughter. She was my closest person. I did not love it, or agree to it, and just barely survived it.

My darling friend Ann Brebner passed away early Friday. (You were so incredibly generous to donate to the fund for her home-care. Your generosity has given me such huge abiding hope in Goodness and miracles. We were down to almost no money. She accidentally spent her life creating and directing plays, loving us crazily, laughing and listening to music, giving to charity, instead of investing.)

Maybe this passing seems less death-y, as she was 93. But believe me, she had done the dying part, the closing-up-shop part, the leaving-us part, just like everyone has to do. It’s death 101 for everyone here on the incarnational side of things: we do it with no owner’s manual (Death for Dummies?) , and at the end, alone. If I were God’s West Coast representative, I would have a different system in place, i.e. less mysterioso Ouija board enigma. More grok-able My grandson stood nearby her at church as she sometimes painstakingly got out of our car. He always called her Ann Brevner, one word. “Hi, Annbrevner!” I told him Friday night that she had passed, and his mouth dropped open. “AnnBREVNER died?” he asked. Then, “I wonder what that’s like? Dying?”

So I thought I would tell you what I know, because this thing, this aspect of reality, this weird scary aspect of life, can just wreck everything if you don’t figure out at some point that it is what makes life so profound, meaningful, rich, complex, wild. If you try to outrun this existential truth, with manic achievement and people-pleasing and exotic distractions, it begins to argue a wasted life. Everyone we love–and I am just going to add, in a whisper, even our children and nieces and nephews–will die. They will no longer be here, on this side of eternity. We Christians see death as just being a fairly significant change of address, but still, our most cherished people will no longer be here, to have and to hold, or reach by phone.

This can kind of ruin everything. When my son was little, he asked if we would die at the exact same moment. When I said, No, probably not, he wept, and then said, “If I had known that, I wouldn’t have agreed to be born.”

Do you want to have instant meaning and incentive and almost heartbreaking appreciation in your life? Live, starting now–as if you have three months left. At some point, this will true. Tick tock.

But won’t death be scary? Annbrevner’s wasn’t. Just weird. Her death, like every passing I have witnessed, was beautiful, gentle, sometimes hard and confusing, and completely doable. At some point, for almost everyone, it is like being in labor. Especially if, like me, dilated 7 centimeters after 24 hours of labor, you realized you didn’t like children. But in both cases, birth and death, something beautiful is coming. Ram Dass said death would be like FINALLY getting to take off the too-small shoes we had been wearing our entire lives. Think of that. Getting to rub those sore arches and wiggle those baby toes, after all these year feeling cramped, like Chinese foot bound women, tiptoeing to minimize the pain.

But back to my grandson’s question, of what dying will be like, and why, I don’t think you need to be afraid:

So many people will surround you, your dearest family and friends, both the quick and the death–Ann’s father, who died fifty years ago was with her; her son who died last year was with her. And we were with her, encouraging and allowing her to be real, to share her deepest thoughts and and fears about what was happening to her, and how annoying liFe (and we) could be. The most important you can do if someone is dying? Show up; listen; nod.

And maybe even more important, we shared with each other our worries, memories, sorrow, impatience, and anxiety about the process, how much more, and much sooner, we could have done this or that. We showed up, we listened to each other, we told others how much we hated everything, and how much we loved each other, we listened some more, we nodded, and put the kettle on for tea.

We let each other complain and not know what we were doing. We tried to remember what we DID know: that the great cosmic Something had always been there before. That the Divine It had brought us and our beloved ones through ghastly loss, disappointment, and failure, against all odds. That crying and grieving heal us, cleanse us, baptize us, moisturize us, water the seeds hidden deep in the ground at our feet.

Our pastor came to anoint her the day before she died, not knowing if Ann’s home-going was an hour or a month away. Hospice was on hand to help with the pain. (If you know your person is dying, call Hospice. Once Hospice is on board, almost everything will sort itself out, I promise you–everything. Secret of life.

Every single person I have loved and lost had us around–their most beloved–and had Hospice, had the richest most astonishing love and sense of safety at the end. They had peace, like a river. Even if their death was sudden, Grace always bats last. They got to take off the tight shoes. They got their Get Out of Jail Free card.

And after they died, stopped breathing and grew cold, we were there, to tend to their bodies in the holy sacrament of bathing and dressing them. Don’t rush any of this. Stay with the body so you can see that it no longer holds them, their life, spirit, soul, breath: now eternity does. Choose the perfect socks for those feet that carried them through their astonishing, hard, weird, precious lives.

Death? Be as proud as you want: bore me later, because Love is sovereign here. Life never ends. Joy comes in the morning. Glory hallelujah. And let it be so.

-Anne Lamott


*is a thing, @beerburritowhiskey

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For me, being a dark-skinned black woman with natural hair, getting to be this center of this love story — Growing up, I didn’t get to see that very often…I think that artists and people in entertainment, we have such an incredible power to remind people of their worth and to help people dream big. So it’s exciting to get to be a part of that.

Denée Benton Is Taking Broadway by Storm (x)