i already regret making this this was a bad decision

tsunderimashincarrot  asked:

Can i request a Xiumin/Baekhyun [whoever you choose] fight with their bestfriend because she kept saying that their gf is cheating[which is true] then they go away and----you know what's next. HAPPY END pleaseee

It had been an accident.

You had never really approved of Minseok’s newest girlfriend, even if she did seem quite nice. There was just something about her that ticked you off, and you hadn’t known what it was. But because you loved Minseok and you loved seeing him happy, you had watched him introduce her to you with the biggest, brightest smile, one that tore at your heart.

Because you could never make him smile like that.

But that was fine. You were used to it. Being his best friend, you were used to him getting girlfriends and falling in love. You were used to picking up the pieces because that’s what best friends do. Sure, the times when he’d end up crying into your arms about some girl that broke his heart had you crying yourself to sleep and wishing for something that could never be, but you were fine with that. You had never been a greedy person. You were fine with the relationship you and Minseok had, even if he had broken your heart so many times before. You were good at acting. Good at keeping your feelings locked up inside.

But now, you can’t hide the shock in your face, the disgust in your eyes. All you could do was stare in horror as you watch Daeun, the supposed nice and sweet girl who calls herself Minseok’s girlfriend, is kissing another man you don’t know like her life depends on it.

It takes a while for both of them to notice you standing there, but when they do, they jump apart immediately, guilt clouding both their faces.

Daeun looks you in the eye, pleading. “Y/N,” she says, on the verge of tears. “Please…please don’t tell Minseok.”

You just stare at her in shock. Does she seriously think that you, Minseok’s childhood friend, would keep something as big as this a secret from him?

“You’ve got to be kidding,” you say, disgust crawling into your voice. “Why the hell wouldn’t I tell my best friend that his girlfriend is cheating on him?”

“I’m not!” she protests, her voice getting higher with shame. “I’m not cheating on him!”

You laugh, gesturing to both their disheveled clothes, messy hair, and swollen lips. “What do you call this, then?”

Daeun goes red with shame and anger, her fists clenching. “It’s your word over mine, Y/N,” she says hatefully, all traces of that sweet girl Minseok had introduced to you gone. “I’m Minseok’s girlfriend.”

“And I’m his best friend,” you retort. “I have been for years. You’ve only known him for a few months, and he trusts me more than anyone.”

She laughs, the sound suddenly fueling your anger. “We’ll see about that, she taunts.

You grit your teeth and turn around, not wanting to deal with this bitch of a cheater that Minseok chose to be his girlfriend anymore.

Of course Minseok would believe you - he had to. Why wouldn’t he?


“Minseok, I have to tell you something.”

Minseok nods, his eyes fixed on his phone. You sigh - he’s probably texting Daeun. Half of you doesn’t want to break his heart, but you have no choice. This is for his own good.

“What is it?” he asks, not looking up at you. That annoys you - can’t he stop texting his cheating girlfriend for just one minute to listen to what you have to say?

“At least look at me when you talk to me,” you whine. “This is really important.”

He nods dismissively, his uninterested face making your heart ache with pain. Yes, you’ve accepted that he puts Daeun over you, but it still hurts. “Just say it,” he says.

“Minseok,” you sigh.

“I’m talking to Daeun, Y/N,” he says slowly, as if he’s talking to a child. “So I’m kinda busy. Just say it - ”

“She’s cheating on you,” you interrupt, his tone irritating you.

There’s a brief silence.

And then laughter.

“Minseok, what - ?”

“Daeun said you would say that,” he says, chuckling. “I’m just suprised she was right.”

Your brows furrow, not liking the way he’s taking the whole thing. “What are you talking about? Break up with her, Minseok, she’s a complete bi - ”

“What, so you and I can fall in love and live happily ever after together?” he asks scathingly, anger clear in his eyes.

You freeze - not once has Minseok ever used that tone with you in all your years as his best friend. It hurt you - how had he known about your feelings? Had he known all this time?

“Minseok, what - ”

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, Y/N, I know that you’re madly in love with me. Daeun told me. She said that you’d say she cheated on me so we would break up,” he looks you in the eye then, disapproval and anger in his face. “I can’t believe you, Y/N. How can you do that?”

Your eyes fill with tears as he looks at you with a glare that you never want to see ever again.

“Why would you say that?” you ask, your voice weak and pitiful. Years and years of pining after your best friend has left your heart a mess, and now, a few words from Minseok have completely destroyed it. “I’ve known you for years, Minseok, why would you trust her over me?”

He sighs, looking away from you. “Because she’s right. You are in love with me, I just never noticed because you’ve always acted like that around me and I thought it was normal for you.”

“Minseok, I - ”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me, Y/N,” he says.

You look him in the eye, but when you open your mouth, no words come out. Your mouth is dry. You’re a good actor, yes, but this is the one thing you can’t lie about - your feelings for Minseok.

“See?” he says, when you’ve stayed quiet for long enough. “She was right. I didn’t want to believe it, but she was right.”

“But she did cheat on you!” you protest. “I saw her!”

“With who?”

“What?”

Minseok sighs. “Who did she cheat on me with, then?”

You freeze once again. You hadn’t known the man she had been kissing so intensely. It had been the first time you had ever seen him.

“I-I don’t know,” you mumble.

“You’re a bad liar, Y/N,” he says. “Next time you want to try to sabotage my relationship for the sake of your own feelings, at least try to be convincing.”

You’re crying all of a sudden. The tears start to pour, but you rub at your eyes furiously. You can’t let Minseok see you weak and heartbroken.

“You’re so selfish,” Minseok says disapprovingly. “You’re supposed to be happy for me, not ruin my happiness. I really like Daeun, Y/N, I can’t believe you!”

Selfish. You hate that word.

“Selfish?!” you all but screech. “After all those years I spent with you, never confessing because I thought we would never be the same again - you’re calling me selfish!?”

“Y/N, I - ”

Pure anger suddenly fills you. You can’t believe that Minseok has just called you selfish.

“You’re telling me that after all these years I’ve been picking up the pieces of your past relationships, I’m selfish? Even if my own heart was breaking because you never saw me as anything more than a best friend?” you yell, memories of crying yourself to sleep coming back to you.

“You’re trying to sabotage my relationship, how is that not being selfish?!” Minseok yells back. He steps towards you, anger in his eyes. But you’re angrier. More heartbroken. “I thought we were friends, Y/N!”

You glare at him, shoving him back hard enough for him to fall. “I thought so too,” you spit angrily. “But I don’t want to be friends with an idiot that puts his cheating girlfriend over someone who’s been with him all this time.”

He’s quiet, looking up at you. You see regret in his eyes, as if he’s reconsidering his decision of trusting Daeun instead of you. But it’s too late - he’s hurt you. He’s hurt you so bad that you don’t know if you can recover.

“When you find out the truth, don’t you even think about running back to me. Don’t you dare.”

And with that, you turn and run, your already wounded heart completely shattered into pieces.

I’m so sorry for not posting in literally forever, guys! I’ve been so busy lately because college has been so hectic and I don’t have a lot of free time anymore :( To make up for the hiatus, I’ll try to do a few more requests tonight! I might post them tonight or tomorrow ^^ They might be a little rushed but as usual, if youre not satisfied with them, just tell me and I’ll change them! Sorry again guys, thanks for being patient!

(I hope you liked this scenario, btw! There’s going to be a second part to this!)

-Admin Nyx

Apparition

“You ever had a ghost come to your front door? A ghost from your past? One that still makes you shiver?”  

Genre: Smut, Fuckbuddy!Luke

Pairing: Reader x Luke 

Word count: 3,565

Summary: No one had ever succeeded in making you feel like Luke had. And it had been eight months since you last saw Luke, eight months of not getting that pleasure and release you needed.  

Warnings: Dom!Luke ish, toys

You caught yourself hesitating on rising your fist. You wanted to knock, but at the same time you were too anxious and nervous. Feeling your blood pumping and pulsating through your veins, all the way up to your head made you dizzy for a moment. You couldn’t believe you were actually doing this.

Lucas Hemmings. The boy you had been in a fuckbuddy type of relationship with previously, but then cut the cords with because things got tough, and at that time everything with him seemed to become problematic. You reached a rough patch in your life, and what you and Luke had in that moment didn’t make it any easier. If any, it just made you feel even worse. You weren’t sure where you stood, what you were, what you felt. It was a very blurry time. So you broke it off. And he didn’t seem to have any problems with it, at all.

It had been eight months. And you found yourself there, right outside his door, ready to knock on it, but being unable to for some strange reason. You hadn’t exactly been in a relationship with him, it was just two friends casually fucking each other from time to time. Okay, all the time. But why you found it so hard to actually put your knuckles against the door, was strange.

After minutes and minutes of just collecting yourself, you determinedly took a step towards the door, and raised your clenched fist, forcing it to make contact with the wooden door several times.

Waiting for what felt like ages, you furiously tapped your foot in unease. The sound of unlocking made your heart race, and your throat to dry up. The door swung open, and there he was.

“Oh,” he said with a surprised tone. “Look who it is,” he then said accusingly. As if he was happy to see you but at the same time knew you were out for something. He was right, but you didn’t want to admit that just yet.

“I already regret this,” you whispered under your breath, knowing it was a bad decision showing up at his front door out of nowhere. With shaky hands you pulled your hair back to put it up in a ponytail, mostly because you wanted to get rid of the sweat on your palms, but also to distract yourself.

“What do you want, y/n?” he said, as if done with your bullshit and wanted you to suddenly cut to the chase. He leaned with his arm against the doorframe, supporting his body against it. You secured your hair with a tie, kept quiet and instead only studied his appearance. He cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows at you. “Y/n?” he said, snapping his fingers in front of your face. You let your arms fall down your sides, and eyed him.

After a few seconds of you just standing there, lips slightly parted and eyes scanning his, he eventually turned on his heel and was on his way to close the door. Only then did you actually take the initiative to communicate.

“Wait, Luke,” your voice was rushed, and you put on hand on his door to stop it from closing, as it came towards you.

“You gotta give me some words, sweetie, I can’t read your mind,” he said, leaning back on the doorframe once more, but this time more with his shoulder rather than his arm.

“I came because…” you started moving your lips, but then it was as if they got numb. You couldn’t move them anymore. “Because,” you licked them and tried to finish your sentence. Stuttering, you looked down on your feet, feeling how your cheeks became hotter and hotter, and soon a burning feeling was not only spread over your cheeks but across your entire face.

“I…” you tried once more, but you suddenly felt too embarrassed to talk anymore. Too embarrassed to admit that you came here because you missed his fucks. Because you missed the way he touched you, the way he made you feel like no one ever had before, and frankly, how no one ever had succeeded in making you feel the way he did, after him. Embarrassed that you came back to him for more, when you promised yourself that you wouldn’t. Just embarrassed because of the fact that you needed a release and he was the only one up till now, who had succeeded in giving you just that.

“Because what?” he urged on, eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out what you were trying to say. He pressed his lips together, waiting for your answer in silence and anticipation. You sighed, releasing some tension in your shoulders by moving them around for a second of two.

You looked at him, and regretted it immediately. He was staring at you intensely, which made you uncomfortable. “Because what, y/n?” he repeated his question, louder this time. Now you had to reply.

“It was silly, really,” you began stuttering, pressuring yourself to give him the answer you were holding on to.

“Y/n?” he dragged out your name, as if he was slowly figuring it out for himself. Your eyes widened as you realized that, and your head snapped back to him just in time for him to smirk and chuckle. “Holy shit.”

Your entire body froze as the words left his lips. His stern gaze kept your mouth shut, and you wanted to run away, but at the same time just push him back into his apartment and rip his clothes off.

“You wanna fuck,” he stated. It was certainly not a question, he knew it, you knew it. He kept standing there, with that smug expression plastered across his face in a dominating manner. You soon began running out of patience, and tapped your foot anxiously against the wooden floor. “You know what, I changed my mind,” you spoke with a vague voice, but despite that, turning around to get the hell out of there.

You had just taken a few steps when a sound prevented you from taking another step. “Oi!”

Peeking over your shoulder, you saw him standing outside of his apartment now. His arms were crossed, and his stance revealed the Lukey you knew all too well. “Don’t you wanna finish what you started?” He asked, and you turned your gaze back to the floor in front of you. “Hm, baby?” Oh no. He used that word. That word he knew did things to you. His wildcard.

Suddenly, a warm chest was pressed against your back, and a soft touch lingered on your neck. Your body was spun around, and immediately, tender lips pressed against yours. A warm tongue found its way to yours, and instantly began dancing with yours. It was a choreography the two of you had danced so many times before, and even though time has the tendency to make you forget, this was not forgotten. It never was. It never would be.

Taking a step back, you looked at him while breathing heavily through parted lips. “One time. Just this once. Then I promise I’ll be out of here. I just need one time,” you nodded to yourself while speaking. Yes. You needed this, but only once.

“Are you sure?” he said, his warm hand cupping your cheek, nuzzling your hair. He looked at you under his long lashes, blue eyes staring into yours. Without any sound escaping your lips, you nodded in a rush, eager to resume the kissing. He smirked when you tip-toed and reattached your lips on his. “That’s a yes?” he hummed, pulling your body in, closing the gap between the two of you. One of his hand sneaked down your stomach, stopping just over your clothed core. He began massaging it, creating friction and warmth. You let out a sigh of relief, as you had yearned for this.

“Yes,” you whined, letting your head rest against his torso. He kissed your temple, putting more pressure on your core. Your breathing became more ragged than even, but he kept holding onto you so you wouldn’t fall. Knowing how you easily became weak in the knees under his touch, something the both of you had experienced before.

Without any forewarning, he withdrew his touch. You looked up at him with your brows knitted together. “Why did you stop?” You asked, pouting with your lower lip.

“Because I don’t want you to cum out here in the hallway?” he brusquely said, raising his eyebrows. Your lips formed an O shape as you looked around. You had completely forgotten that you were out in the hallway. He grinned and gave you a nod as he took your hand in his, leading you into his apartment.

He held up the door for you, and closed it carefully behind you. He used to do that all the time, wanting to feel like a gentleman before, frankly, fucking you senseless.

“Since you know this apartment like your own, why don’t you go lay down on the bed for me? Naked.”

When he said the last word, it was like his eyes darkened several shades. You felt a sensational tingle in your lower abdomen. You wondered why he wasn’t joining you right now, but didn’t put that much thought into it as you strolled towards his bedroom. He was right, you knew his place like your own. You had been here so many times before it had begun to feel like your secondary home.

Quickly undressing, you seriously thought about keeping your lingerie on just to tease him. You decided on taking it of as well, feeling very cold and exposed suddenly. The sheets were warm, he had probably lied in his bed when you came knocking on his door, yet they still made you shiver.

You lied on his bed, all thoughts being focused on what he would do to you. It seemed like ages before you heard the door opening and closing. You kept your eyes on the ceiling, sensing his eyes scanning your from head to toe. “You’re beautiful,” he said, voice sweet and tender, simply stating it as if it were the most common fact in the universe. You rolled your eyes to heaven and beyond, shaking your head slightly. “What took you so long?” you switched subjects, wanting to speed up the conversation so you could get to the good part.

“Impatient much?” a tantalizing smirk spread over his lips as your eyes locked with his, but then he looked down, chuckling faintly. “I was just preparing some things,” he said, and when he saw that you were about to ask him further questions, he plainly scowled at you. You closed your mouth, but cocked one eyebrow at him.

He put one knee on the end of the bed, and soon the other knee was on the bed as well. He pulled his shirt over his head flawlessly, his hair receiving that messy look after. You fluttered your eyelashes briskly a few times, watching him crawl over you in a sensual way. He stroke your waist, stomach and hips as he straddled you.

You eagly began palming him over his jeans, creating friction on him just like he had with you earlier. He groaned, both hands roaming your waist as he became harder under your touch. You unbuttoned his jeans and zipped them down, pulling them down slightly, letting the boxers be. You stroked him over his boxers a few times, feeling him react by your touch. His dick became harder, and rose. It was your time to smirk.

He trailed his hands over your breasts, stopping at your nipples to squeeze them. Pulling and twisting, he sent waves of pleasure through your body. You dragged his boxers down along with his jeans. His full on hard member was free, and you grabbed it to start pumping it. He moaned through gritted teeth as you jerked him off all the way down to the base. With your other hand, you lightly massaged his balls.

His body tensed up when you suddenly sat up and licked it all the way from the base to the tip slowly. “Oh god,” he hissed, his hands finding your hair to hold onto. “Yes,” he panted. You smirked, sucking on the tip of it for a few seconds before letting it out with a popping sound. You did this a few times, teasing him while still letting your hand hug the member and make up and down motions. Moans and hisses escaped from his light pink lips as you took his hard dick in your mouth and sucked. You sucked your cheeks in, trying to make it as pleasurable for him as possible.

“Fuck, fuck stop, I’m gonna cum,” he said, his member twitching in your mouth. When you didn’t stop, he grabbed the hair in your neck in his fist and pulled you away from him. “Is that how you wanna play it? We’re gonna tease each other?” he said, bending down so his lips was close to yours as he spoke.

“What if I tease you?” he whispered, your neck hair rising at the tone of his voice. It was almost taunting. “Because I clearly remember you came here for a release,” he then spoke, and his argument knocked you down. You grinned, pecking his lips.

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry. I got too into it,” you said, raising your hands. With both hands he pushed you back down into the mattress, pinning you down with his hands on your wrists. He attacked your neck with sloppy, wet kisses. You felt the ache in your core increase, the want for him, need for him, growing stronger for each passing second.

“I need you to do something, Lucas,” you whined, longing for his touch, his dick, something to release the tension that was built up inside of you. Almost interrupting you mid-sentence, his fingers found your clit. He attached his lips to yours as he began circling two fingers on your clit. With force, his tongue invaded your mouth, and the dance started once more. Swirling his fingers around, he spread the wetness that had occurred in between your folds. It made your clit pulsate even more, and it almost felt like there was a fire inside of you, as if something was burning. It was almost on the verge of being painful. That’s how much you needed him inside of you.

“Fuck. Me.” You stated rather than pleaded, and he responded to you by withdrawing his touch. “Soon,” he then said. You looked up at him in confusion as he suddenly disappeared from over you. Walking over to the end of the bed, you saw him getting rid of his pants and picking something up, presumably something he had put there when he first entered the room.

He walked over to the bedside, where there was a power outlet, and plugged the object in. When he turned to you, you saw the object in his hand. And it made your mouth pop open. It was the white vibrator. The one he had used to pleasure you with a few times before.

He positioned himself in between your legs, and spread them widely for him. “Now, do I have to tie you up, or will you keep your hands to yourself?” he asked, raising his eyebrows in a genuine gesture. You furrowed your brows slightly, and watched the vibrator with anticipation. “Do you remember how you used to squirm under this? How I used it to make you scream for me? Is that why you’re quiet?” he sneered, placing it against your clit. It was not on, but you waited for him to turn it on in excitement. Finally a release.

“Tell me, baby,” he said, making your lower stomach clench. You nodded, but that was clearly not enough for him. “Yes, oh god yes I remember it,” you said, letting your head fall back on the pillows as you pressed your core against the toy. You connected your hands together and put your arms over your head, the craving for him to turn it on growing bigger and bigger by minute.

He placed one hand on your inner thigh, and held it there firmly. Then, shock waves of pleasure flooded through your body like, and what felt like electricity sparked through your veins. The vibrator felt so amazing against your clit, and the way he twisted it and changed the position of it almost made you lose your mind.

Enjoying the feeling the vibrator gave you, you moaned. You couldn’t keep your body still, nevertheless your hands. So when you found yourself holding onto the sheets, you smirked at yourself. What interrupted your smirk was the fact that Luke had turned the grade of the speed up, and it was pushing you towards the edge fast. “Oh my god!” you squealed and cried, finding nothing better to grip onto than the pillows next to you. When Luke realized that, he stroke your thigh in comfort. “That’s it baby, just let it take over you,” he urged on, knowing you were getting close.

You were moving your lower abdomen around, being unable to lay still. Luke helpt keeping you in place by placing his arm over your pelvis, pressing you down into the mattress. It helped keeping you still, and the consequence from it was that the pleasure was unbearable. You let go, and did as he said, letting it take over you completely.

“Ah, Luke, oh my god!” you practically screamed as you hit your high, letting the orgasm surround you. He kept holding the vibrator against your clit, but turned the speed down to the lowest. He helped you ride out your high, before turning the vibrator off completely.

He put it aside, palming your core softly as you calmed down.

“How was that?” He asked, hovering over you. You answered by kissing him, feeling how you slowly regained your power. “Again, please,” you said, and he only laughed.

“Good. Because watching you come undone for me made me fucking hot,” he said, looking down on his hard on. You smiled, watching him lean over to the bedside table and grabbing a condom from the top drawer. He ripped the package open with his teeth, and slowly rolled it on. You waited impatiently for him, and once it was on he returned to his position, hovering over you once again. He let his head fall down against yours when you locked your legs around his hips.

Almost torturously slowly, he entered you. You closed your eyes, surrendering to the feeling. Once you had adjusted to his size, he began pacing in and out of you at a steady tempo. The sound of skin slapping against skin, and ragged breathing made you tingle. His hair fell down onto his sweaty forehead, and his parted lips revealed small groans.

“I’m so glad you came,” he suddenly breathed, and you looked at him with big eyes. “Fuck, yeah,” you replied as he went deeper, faster.

Instantaneously, he grabbed your hips and flipped you over. Before you could even blink, he lifted your hips up so you had your ass up and face down. He entered you from behind, giving your ass a brisk slap and kneading it roughly. “You’re so hot,” he said, his hand trailing down your spine with pressure. It felt nice, it gave his thrusts some extra indulgence. You moaned into the pillow, your legs practically shaking.

His index finger sneaked its way down to your clit, and he started massaging the now very sensitive bundle of nerves. Your whole body jolted when he put pressure on it, but moments after the pain became pleasure, and it felt like heaven.

For the second time, an orgasm was building up inside of you, and all you craved for was for it to demolish you.

“Luke, I’m close.”

His heavy breathing was a sign that he was close, too. He picked up the pace, his determined thrusts becoming more and more sloppy. He succeeded in still moving his finger even though he was close as well.

You closed your eyes and your entire body first froze, then started twitching and squirming. He placed both hands on your hips as he let you ride out your orgasm with help from his thrusts. You kept moaning his name and sounds, letting your orgasm take over you again. You felt his dick twitching inside of you, and a warm feeling spreading inside of your core. He moved in and out of you a few more times before thrusting one last time, harder and deeper, before letting the orgasm surrender him, just like yo.

He came loudly, moaning along with you. Somewhere in between his moans was your name, and you smirked hearing it. You had to admit, you missed this.

You flopped down onto the bed, with him collapsing next to you. And you didn’t know for how long you lied there, next to him in complete and utter silence. He didn’t say a word. He just let you lay there by his side until it was pitch black outside.

His breathing became heavier and calmer, a sign that he was sleeping, but you were gone into thoughts, barely noticing it.


Masterlist

MARIE CLAIRE. JESSICA TALKS ABOUT SNSD, BLANC & ECLARE, AND HER NEW LIFE.

Jessica welcoming new days. She’s spending time for herself, making her dreams come true.

(Translated by: john @ Onehallyu.com)

A long time ago, Jessica stood in front of Marie Claire’s cameras for a photoshoot. Unlike before, when she would show up surrounded by a chaotic group of managers and staff, this time, she came to the studio all by herself. It was the day before her birthday, and fans who were close enough with her to just call her ‘Sica’ also showed up with a bundle of cupcakes and drinks for Jessica and the magazine staff. She seems to have gained a bit of weight recently and has been busy preparing a new collection for her own fashion brand, ‘Blanc & Eclare’.

This was her first interview after everything that went down, so she seemed more cautious with her answers, but you could tell by her gaze that she was now letting a lot of the past go and chasing a new dream.

“There is going to be a denim line this season for Blanc & Eclare. Denim is actually a very difficult field. I thought a lot about the perspective of the ones who will be wearing the product. I had to think about what specific length fits Asians better when designing the skinny denim pants. In Hong Kong and China, you can find Blanc & Eclare products at the Lane Crawford stores. In Korea, we are opening up popup stores, and I think we’ll soon start opening up actual stores in malls.”

Jessica has gone through a lot of changes lately. And with these changes, she has been at the end of many harsh words. Rather than spending the time to confirm what was truth and what were misunderstandings, she quietly spent her time expanding her fashion line to new fields, and began to face a world away from the stage. “To be honest, I’m very nervous doing interviews. There are times articles get released of things I didn’t mean, which leads to many misunderstandings. And it’s not like I can explain myself every single time that happens. When I look at the bigger picture, I think it’s better to be more picky with what you clear up than clearing everything up.”

“There are times when I feel like I’m receiving all the hate in the world. It would be a lie if I said that it wasn’t hard for me during those times. But I think my skin’s gotten thicker lately. I try a lot to become stronger. I kind of look a bit wicked. I think that’s why people hate me more.”

“Everything is fascinating to me. The drawings I sketch come to life as products, and it’s really interesting to see those products in display at stores and then get purchased by people. But some people are under this misconception that I am the only one in charge of this brand. The truth is that to get one product completed, the members who make up my team all have to come together with their ideas. I’m a bit embarrassed and burdened to hold the titles of ‘representative’ and ‘CEO’. There are times when I also feel sorry that because my name, other people’s efforts get ignored.”

The biggest strength for Jessica during her hard times has been her family. She recently went on vacation with her sister, mother, and father. It was the first time her entire family was able to go on vacation since her debut.

“Things are a lot different now compared to how it was when I was with SNSD. I really enjoyed the time I spent with the other members, but now that I’m by myself, I have a lot more time now. I am planning on going to school to seriously learn more about fashion design, but I haven’t decided on the exact timing for that yet. I’m just actively studying on my own for now. I realized that no matter what I go through, a more comfortable time soon comes. Even if I go through something very difficult, as more time passes, the happier I become.”

She’s also gotten a lot more freedom over her decisions. “If I was still a SNSD member, I wouldn’t have been able to do this shoot. Idol groups have to always be happy. They have to be kind, and pure, and bright. But I’m already 27 years old. I can’t forever remain a happy little girl. Someone might think after seeing these pictures, ‘Now that she’s out of SNSD, she’s taking off her clothes.’ But I’m not a little girl anymore. I think it’s okay for me to portray Jessica as a woman. Since I debuted when I was 19 years old, there are times all the restrictions and limitations can get irritating. Now, I can make all my own decisions. It wasn’t so bad deciding to come to this photoshoot all by myself.”

Jessica has decided to let go of all of her regrets in the past and all her frustrations of not being able to clear up the public’s misunderstandings about her. She’s instead spending each day to build up and anticipate for the road ahead of her. She wants to formally learn about fashion, and she wants to put out music that captures her voice’s charms.

“I have been thinking about myself a lot more lately. In a few years, I’ll be 30, and there are times that makes me anxious. I’m not sure why. But I think now, I have to live life for myself and not for anyone else. And now I’m alone, so my flaws that the other members used to fill up for me, I have to fill them up myself now. I have to be able to approach people I’ve met for the first time, and I have to try to make people feel more comfortable around me. I think when people see me, they think I’m like a wall. It’s hard for me to approach someone first if I’m not close with them. So it’s hard for me when I have to attend events all by myself. I have to be able to approach someone first before they can feel that they can approach me. I’m currently trying to tear that wall down.”

Come to think of it, the Jessica we know is an ‘ice princess’. She isn’t lively, she tends to hide away more. She also doesn’t like beating around the bush, she prefers to tell it to you in a way that’s easy to understand. So you can see how people can feel that she’s like a wall, and how people may misunderstand her. She’s overcome a lot of obstacles, and now, she’s focusing on the road ahead, and she’s living the dreams she’s had to push back all this time, and she’s living a joyful life continuously dreaming new dreams.