i almost tagged this with jack black

Be gone: Chapter 1 - The voice

Entry post - Read first, please :D
Word count: 650
Warnings: blood. (Not much though.)

“TOP OF THE MORNIN’ TO YA LADDIES! MY NAME IS JACKSEPTICEYE…”
It was just another normal day.
Jack had nothing special planned today, except recording one episode of Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds with Felix, and playing some Overwatch with Bob in the afternoon. Maybe Signe was going to come over and they could watch a movie together later that night.
Little did Jack know what was going to happen on this very day.

Keep reading

The Joker X Reader -“Play Pretend”

The Joker loves having “rehearsal therapy sessions” with you just in case he will end up at Arkham again. The truth is he enjoys playing games and so do you. UNTIL…

“So ,baby, how are you feeling today?” you ask, readjusting your eyeglasses and looking at him. J is tide up in his straitjacket and you even ordered him custom sweatpants with Arkham logo, this way it feels more…official.

“Aroused!” he replies, bouncing his legs up and down like a kid, winking at you. “And you can’t call me baby, you know that. You have to call me Mister Joker.”

You roll your eyes and sigh:
“Kaayyyy, Mister Joker, then you can’t call me anything but Doctor Y/N, you know the rule.”

“Since when you’re a doctor, Princess?”

“Since you’ve became …Mister Joker,” you lift your eyebrows, glaring his way.

“Sassy, aren’t we?”

“Are you really talking like this when you are at Arkham?”, you cut him off, annoyed.

“More or less.”

“Pfftt, I’m surprised they keep you there, I wouldn’t,” you scoff, thinking of your next questions.

“I really like your lab coat, doc,” J keeps on yapping, ignoring what you just said.

“Yeah, special order so it looks even more real. Anyway, next question: tell me about your parents, your mom for example.”

“My mom was a striper,” J pouts, pretending to be sad.

“No, she wasn’t,” you interrupt.

“How would you know?”

“I just do, oh my God, you’re not taking this seriously today, might as well stop,” you anxiously tap on your clipboard with your pen, sulking.

“We never take this seriously, Kitten, it’s for fun.” The Joker’s eye narrow, suspiciously analyzing you. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” you immediately bounce back, trying to change your attitude to a more cheerful one. Crap, he noticed you’re distracted. How could you not be when you plan to make your move soon and he doesn’t even know yet? Of course you’re nervous, but it is for the best. You have to be more careful, he can’t catch on. Your plan must go smooth. Jesus, it’s going to be hard though…

“Don’t lie to me,” he growls, wanting to get up from his armchair.

“Sit down, baby, it’s all good. Oops, sorry…Mister Joker,” you giggle, apologizing, keeping that huge, fake smile on your face.

In the meantime, Frost wants to get in the office to talk to you two but he is stopped by the other henchmen.

“Don’t even dare knocking,” Richard warns him.

“Why, what’s going on?”

“He’s in a <therapy session> again,” Richard dramatically uses his fingers for the quote-unquote gestures.

“Again?! It’s the 3rd time this week,” Jonny frowns, unhappy he has to wait now.

Joe lifts his shoulders, knowing there is nothing they can do.

“You know they like to pretend they’re at Arkham, it’s their…thing.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ll be back in about an hour, maybe they’re be done.”

“Not if they wanna have even more fun after the session,” Richard elbows Frost, chuckling.

“I can’t wait that long, I have important things I have to tell them,” Jonny takes a deep breath, aggravated.

“Don’t matter, man, it’ll have to wait. If you disturb them, it’s on you. I don’t want the boss to kill me.”

In the meantime, you manage to trick your boyfriend that everything is fine and you continue your fake interview with him.

“Can you tell me something about your dad?” you utter, pretending to write down the answer.
“My dad was a striper.”

You burst out laughing.

“Jeez, Mister Joker, you really gotta use that if they catch you again. Do they really buy this crap at Arkham?”

“They have no choice, because I tell them what I want,” he bites his lips, roaring your way. “But you sure look sexy in your new lab coat, Doctor Y/N.”

“Baby, do you ever flirt like this when you’re in there?!” you suddenly realize it and it’s kind of pissing you off.

“Whaaa’? Ne-e-ver! E-ver!”  He didn’t even realize you didn’t call him Mister Joker, you’re onto something here.

“That sounded so unconvincing,” you shake your head, closing one eye and sucking on your cheeks, unamused. Perfect occasion to do what you have to do.

You stand up from the couch and go and sit in his lap. You start caressing his green hair, and then hug him tight.

“What’s wrong, Pumpkin? You have to tell me,” he moves around in his jacket, trying to loosen it. You didn’t really tied him up that bad.

“Nothing, I just want to have some fun,” you flutter your eyelashes at him and get up, go at his desk and take out the duct tape.

“Ohhhh, yeah, let’s get kinky,” J purrs, anticipating all the fun you’ll have, forgetting he sensed something not quite right going on.

“I’m so taking advantage of you, baby,” you giggle, starting to go around him with the duct tape until his upper body is completely stuck to the chair.

“You’re such a bad girl, I love it!” he grins at you and doesn’t understand why you look so upset out of the sudden. “Ok, what is it? It’s driving me nuts,” he asks, antagonized.

You take off your lab coat and you glasses and place them on the desk.

“I’m doing this for you, so please don’t come looking for me, OK?”

Your voice is getting a bit shaky.

“Huh?!”
“I’m really going to miss you, even if you’re a jerk…” you swallow the lump in your throat as you rip a small piece of duct tape from the roll. “ But you’re my jerk and I want you to know you’ll always be my favorite boyfriend,” you sadly smile, leaning over to kiss him.

“What are you talking about, baby Doll?!”

You kiss him again, not answering and placing the duct tape on his mouth.

“Don’t worry, the boys will find you shortly, I just need a head start. Don’t look for me, will you?… Please?… If I’m gone you’ll be safer,” you whimper and you stare in his eyes that got a shade darker.  You stroke his cheek and then abruptly pull yourself together and leave the office, leaving him muttering and struggling to escape, confused and mad at the whole thing.

You didn’t want him to know how you’ve been approached by Gotham’s Secret Service and offered a deal that will erase your heavy  police record in exchange of turning him over to them. You debated for 20 seconds before you already knew you won’t do such a thing; you’re nobody’s puppet. You want to disappear and leave town, maybe even the country if you can. Double crossing the Secret Service seems like a good idea, even if it means leaving the Joker behind. Like you told him, it’s for his own good.

Too bad you got caught at the airport and place in supposedly federal care (or so they told you because the prison you’re in doesn’t resemble Arkham or anything like it). They “accidentally” bruise you up very often, they interrogate you at least once a day and they medicate you against your will with God knows what until you don’t feel like yourself anymore. But you don’t tell them anything even if they probably want to kill you for not disclosing where the Prince of Crime is.

Four months have passed and nothing has changed. Oh, something did: they dislocated your shoulder so now they have to place you in a special type of straitjacket.Today is just another day. You are so groggy from the pills you don’t even fight the guards anymore while they place you in the garment. The security kind of has to drag you to the interview room and they have no problems this time in locking up the chains around your ankles to the floor. You usually put up a fight which triggers them to “Accidentally” slam you around,punch and kick you until they get tired.

You keep on glaring at the floor, tired as hell, having a hard time concentrating.

“So, are you going to tell us where the Joker is? I see you have a bruised eye and busted lip already. You know we can do better than that!” you hear the man’s deep voice addressing you.

“I’m not telling you shit, I don’t care what you do to me,” you manage to say, yawning.

“It will be easier for you if you just give in or there will be more consequences, you know that, right?”

You huff, almost dozing off: “ More consequences than this? Even my boyfriend didn’t do this to me and he’s pretty bad…”

“So you admit The Joker is your boyfriend?”

“U-humm,” you whisper, trying to stay awake.

“Is he a jerk?”

“Ha!” you immediately have an outburst of energy but you still keep your eyes closed…“He can be…”

“Is he good in bed? Did he satisfy your needs when you were with him?”

Even if you’re half asleep, you realize these are very unprofessional questions.

“What ?! It’s none of your business.”

“Do you miss seeing him naked?”

“W-whaaatt?” you finally lift your eyes, slowly blinking.

“Jeez, what did they give you?” the man looks in the papers, trying to find the answer.“Auch, they gave that to me too when I was locked away, totally hated it.”

His voice changed and you feel your heart beating faster. Your cloudy vision rests on the man in front of you: black eyes, long black hair, perfect porcelain capped teeth and such a familiar smirk.

“Jesus Christ!” you almost shout, realizing it’s J in front of you in perfect disguise.

“No, not really, I go by Doctor…ummm” he looks down at the name tag, “Jack Green… I guess?! Please address me as such, I didn’t spend all those years going to college for nothing.”
You can’t make a single sound.

He snickers, amused:

“Wow, Princess, I’m seriously considering getting a new girlfriend: you look like shit!”

“Jerk…” you whisper, your eyes getting teary.

“Did they hide you well or what? Took me forever to find you, this is no Arkham. We’re coming tonight to get you out so be ready. It’s gonna be a tough one,” he gets up and wants to step away but he hears you sobbing and changes his mind.

J comes in front of you, pushes your chair back and sits in your lap.  He wipes your tears, his smirk disappearing as he traces your bruises and your cut lip.

“What the fuck were you thinking, hmmm? Look what they did to you. Crazy woman, if you ever do that to me again I’m going to kill you myself, got it?”

You start crying harder.

“Dammit, stop crying, I’m not gonna kill you, I’m just joking,” he tries to calm you down, kissing your cheek.

“Where are you silver teeth?” you bawl, upset they’re gone.

“I needed a perfect disguise for this place and I had to change them. The things I do for you,” he rolls his eyes, exasperated. “That’s why you’re crying harder? Because of my teeth?!”

You nod a “Yes” through tears.

“You looks scary like this, you’re freaking me out,” you cry some more, burring your face in his chest, sniffling.

“I look scary like this?! With normal teeth?!”

“Yeahhh, please get the silver teeth baaaaccckkkk,” you cry your eyes out and wipe your nose on his coat since you’re tied up in your straitjacket and can’t do too much.

“Classy, baby Doll, you’re such a classy woman,” J smiles, teasing you.

“Shut up,” you press your head against his, snorting. “And get off me, my legs are getting numb,” you pout, pretending to be upset but you can’t remember being so happy before.

“Fine, I have to go anyway! “ he gets his folder and heads towards the metal door. You hear a mumble.
“What did you say, J?” you inquire, not sure if he really said something.

“I said I missed you,” he replies, grouchy you made him repeat. ”Never mind, I take it back, I didn’t. Get ready for tonight!”

“You’re such a jerk!” you shout, but you know he’s just playing around.
“It’s doctor Jack Green, I told you!” he winks at you before he exits the room. “Have some respect!”

Also read-MASTERLIST:

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

anonymous asked:

So what you're saying is that each member of the gang has their own strengths and weaknesses. Even when one is gone the others step up or break down but how do they react on an individual level to each other getting hurt

oh yeah, they each have a role to play, and each knows how to play off each other as well, and how to fill any spaces. Like my personal HC is after Ray left but before they officially brought in Jeremy, Jack and Ryan traded off being the sniper, and even now, Jeremy isn’t really a specialty sniper, so he and Jack still trade off as needed.

I assume you mean ‘reactions to a serious injury’ because anything less than a broken bone is going to merit a scoff, an eye roll, and someone yelling “just rub some dirt in it!” 

this didn’t turn out very sad but it’s long as hell so I hope that makes up for it

So, when Michael is hurt:

  • first of all, Michael will bitch and moan to the end of days over a paper cut or splinter, but a real injury? “Nah I’m fine the fuck you talking about”
  • he is the actual Black Knight (”it’s just a flesh wound!” “YOUR FINGER IS ALMOST COMPLETELY OFF IM TAKING YOU TO THE ER”)
  • Geoff and Jack have to tag team it to get him to the doctor most times
  • occasionally Ray would help, but most of the time he would be on Michael’s side, much to Geoff’s annoyance
    • “Your elbow is bending in the wrong direction holy fuck”
    • “I’m fine, right Ray?”
    • “looks normal to me” -doesn’t even look up from video game-
    • “rAY”
  • Ryan is sometimes called in to physically haul Michael to Caleb’s office at the very least. One time he actually threw Michael over his shoulder in a fireman’s carry and dropped him off at the ER in his full Vagabond getup because i don’t care if we’re in the middle of a heist, you just slammed into a moving car and flipped all the way over it and probably broke 200 bones you need xrays
  • basically Michael is The Worst when it comes to his personal safety, hence why he is the craziest and best demolitions man on the West Coast, if not the entire country and possibly the world

When Gavin is hurt:

  • “just stop”
  • “you can’t convince yourself to stop bleeding out Gavin that’s not how this works”
  • Gavin gets hurt a lot on his own doing stupid shit, so they’ve learned to just roll their eyes, tease him a little, and move on
  • but when he’s hurt on a heist, shit gets real
  • if he’s with Michael, the other immediately goes full Mogar, kills anyone in the immediate vicinity, steals the fastest vehicle within 30 ft, and hauls ass to Caleb’s or the hospital because you don’t get to touch his boi and live to regret it
  • if he’s with Geoff, there’s panic and yelling and Geoff’s voice jumps about three octaves while he calls Jack in for an emergency pickup
  • with Ryan, Jack, Jeremy, or Ray, they’ll get to a defensible position and hold off the enemies until help arrives 
  • a lot of people don’t realize it, but Gavin’s safety is very important to the crew, because if Gavin goes down, no one else could come close to meeting the standards he’s set as the mouth of the crew, the go-to man for their suppliers. no one else has his silver tongue. Jack can hold her own as negotiator and deal-maker, but she’s nowhere near Gavin’s level.

When Jeremy is hurt:

  • Jeremy getting hurt is usually *crash* *thud* “FUCK” *thud* “I’m okay!”
  • normally this is true, but occasionally he is big fat stinkin’ liar and is really not okay at all
  • like with the Rat Incident
    • first rule of the FAHC is don’t talk about the Rat Incident
    • second rule of the FAHC is don’t talk about the Rat Incident
  • he’s usually good at calling himself out if he gets hit on a heist, though, which is more than most of them can say. it’s just when he fucks up on his own time that he keeps his mouth shut to preserve his dignity and presumably try to contract sepsis. 
  • Ryan has a theory that one of Jeremy’s goals in life is to contract sepsis for unknown reasons
  • Jeremy refuses to confirm or deny this
  • basically Jeremy can usually take care of himself but sometimes he turns into Michael and needs to forcibly taken care of

When Geoff is hurt:

  • everybody draws straws on who has to play nurse when Geoff is hurt because he is the worst patient in the world
  • like once you get Michael in bandages he calms down, but Geoffrey Ramsey is Suffering and you will all have to Suffer With Him
  • #DramaKingRamsey2kForever
  • Jack has the remove all the alcohol from the penthouse to keep him from trying to take painkillers with a bottle of vodka
    • “you’re no good to us dead, Geoff”
    • “just one sip!”
    • “one sip for you is a third of the bottle!”
  • spending a bit more of their resources early on to protect Geoff during the heist is easier in the long run so they usually do that

When Ryan is hurt:

  • he’s like an outdoor cat
  • you won’t know he’s hurt until three months later when you see the scar
  • Ryan has a deep-seated hatred of hospitals and doctors and everything else medical and refuses to tell anyone why
    • no need to open up old psychological scars while you’re working on new physical ones, right?
  • hence why he prefers to sew himself back up, sometimes quite literally
  • he’s also threatened to sew Gavin’s mouth shut a few times, but that’s neither here nor there

When Jack is hurt:

  • she’s a grown up, she can take care of herself. if fact, she’s usually the one taking care of these manchildren that call themselves a crew
  • still, it is nice when the others drop in to help out
  • Geoff is a damn good cook, and omelets always taste better in bed for some reason
  • it’s a little ridiculous sometimes, but she isn’t complaining
  • especially that year they pulled a big heist the weekend before Mother’s Day and she got shot in the shoulder, and the whole crew showed up to her apartment on Mother’s Day armed with James Bond movies, a puppy, and enough food for a team of lumberjacks
    • Jack names the puppy Bucket despite Ryan’s insistence that Mayhem is a much better name for a German Shepherd/Rottweiler mix
    • Michael custom orders her a bumper sticker that says “my co-pilot is a bucket”
    • Jack loves it

When Ray is hurt:

  • “Ray you’re bleeding”
  • “I’m what”
  • Someone else almost always has to point out that he’s injured before Ray even notices that something is wrong
  • “weed is a natural painkiller or some shit, isn’t it?”
  • “take your fuckin’ morphine and shut up”
5

You hurt me, Jack. And for that, you shall pay.

***

Is it just me, or does the Blackice tag not update as often as it used to? Of course this fandom is a little smaller now, perhaps, since the movie came out almost 3 years ago. I remember though, that there used to be more posts getting frequently posted in the tag. I don’t want this ship to die out. I love it too much. <3

Hopefully some people will participate in the upcoming blackice event. Looking forward to it! And a huge THANK YOU, to everyone who keeps this ship alive. You are all golden. Let’s keep this ship sailing for much longer!