i actually spent a good amount of time trying to make this legit


Kintsugi (n) ­ The Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 32,683

Warnings: Depression is a constant theme in this story, so if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable then please keep it in mind!

Author’s Note: The Taekook version is now up on AO3 if you’re interested!

Summary: Jungkook never expected to meet her, the girl that shone as bright as a million suns yet carried a darkness so heavy in her heart that it left her soul shattered, scrambling to pick up the splintered pieces and put herself back together again before she fell apart once more. He never expected to meet her, but he did, and he wouldn’t change it for a thing.

Fridays nights were supposed to be a student’s greatest sanctuary – a time for winding down and finally breathing after the weight of a week that seemed to be never ending had been lifted from their shoulders. Some chose to party until they no longer remembered who they were, some chose to have movie marathons until the sun was high in the sky and their eyes were burning from the pixels that were now ingrained in their brains, and some chose to bask in their solitude and block out the world until Monday came around and forced human interaction again. Whatever it was, it was supposed to be that one moment of freedom before reality came crashing down once more.

It was supposed to be relaxing.

It was supposed to be calming.

It was supposed to be rejuvenating.

So what, pray tell, was sitting curled up on the floor against the wall in the hall, shivering in nothing but pyjamas with murderous thoughts as her sole company?

Anything but that.

Keep reading

Okay all of you who feel like you’re “becoming abusive” and “turning into sociopaths just like your abusers are” if you repeat any action your abusers did or do anything that they tell you “makes you as bad as they are”, I’ll try to explain what exactly sociopaths are and why it’s impossible for you to “just become one”.

Sociopaths do not have capability of empathy, nor do they feel pain, remorse, guilt, shame, or vulnerability like a regular person, all of those traits are completely blocked and unavailable, and if you were to unblock any of that, the sociopath would most likely die immediately from the backlash, so as long as they’re living they will not allow any of those emotions/traits to come anywhere near them, this is why they wont and cannot change, they would die before it would happen. They will fight against it as a person would fight for their life.

All sociopaths and psychopaths are narcissists by default, they see themselves as far more superior and god-like than any other human, and they don’t (can’t) acknowledge anyone else as a person, others are merely pawns, toys, slaves, resources to manipulate and use at their disposal. They deeply believe that others are incredibly idiotic for letting themselves be used, and find them completely disposable. Although if they find a certain person gives them a special kind of benefit or profit, they will make sure to keep that one (of course, not because they appreciate that person, but because they find it convenient, and smart of themselves to do that).

These people can start to be dangerous often even as children, for instance it’s normal for small children not to have empathy developed, and first have their narcissist phase, where they center their world and their thoughts around themselves, and only mimic humane and emphatic behaviour for the sake of approval or feeling good about themselves or getting out of trouble, afterwards they’re supposed to start acknowledging that others are people as well, and have feelings, and deeply developed inner world and established worldview. However, with narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, this doesn’t happen, for one reason or another, they only keep developing their narcissistic phase further and further.

Socialization and communication in this phase only exist for one reason: getting what they want from others. Be it empathy, praise, approval, material goods, rewards, resources, social standing, love, friendship, favours, money, affection, sex, pleasure, control, power. So the way they gain these things is by figuring out the people’s reactions to their words, and finding a way to manipulate others to get what they want. You see, they start studying very early how people react to their words, and what words and behaviours have what reactions. They start by provoking others constantly to see how far they can take it, to “test the boundaries” and pinpoint what sets people off and where it hurts. So the older they are, the more masterful they will get. They learn that they gain much more by attacking and demanding than by asking, then when this doesn’t work anymore, they learn that by charming a person they will have way easier time with demanding, then they figure out to how to charm most of the people, how to use what people already know, and conceptualize themselves into a perfect person anyone would want to do favours for, how to read from people’s behaviour what they find perfect, desirable, respectable and admirable, and then they act the part, and get whatever they want. If they figure out you’re the person who is willing to do most in life for their best friend, they’ll convince you they’re your best friend. If they figure out you’d do anything for your lover, they’ll convince you that they’re that lover.

They learn along the way that constantly reminding people that they are obliged to feel compassion for them, or endless admiration, will get them what they want easier, they learn that for a lot of people, merely subtly implying “you’re not a good person and i’ll judge you harshly if you don’t give me this” will get them what they want. They don’t care if what they’re saying is lie or truth, if it hurts someone or not, if it’s harmful or toxic, if it ends up damaging a lot of people, if the consequences for others will be dire, only thing what matters is getting what they want. For everything else they blame those who got hurt.

This is what you’re up against, this is a person who spent their entire life studying how people react to certain words and triggers, a person who knows how to trigger and break you just to get what they want out of you, a person who will not feel any kind of guilt or shame for pretending to be hurt by you, pretending to be suffering, pretending you’re abusing them, pretending they’re someone else, pretending they care about you, pretending you’re special to them, if it gets them what they want. The words mean nothing to them but tools to accomplish their goals, all of their words are lies, all of it. Also, this is a person who will not hesitate for a second to punish you severely, by any cruel means, if they don’t get what they want, not getting what they want for them means defeat, and they will become enraged and want to destroy or re-program anyone who wouldn’t obey them.

Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths will sometimes join forces and feel superior together, and pat each other’s backs and give themselves validation, to make sure guilt stays away from them permanently, and sometimes they will compete and brag to each others how well they manipulated and tricked some people, or how well they punished someone and made them feel sorry for not obeying. They will sometimes try to manipulate each other to see who’s better at it. Those are sick, nauseating practices that these types of people enjoy.

A person can exhibit narcissistic/sociopathic/psychopatic behaviour towards one person, and then act perfectly humane to another, does this mean they’re not sick and twisted? No. If they’re willing to dehumanize and reject even one human being as disposable, their humanity is lost. And if you think about it, you realize they would easily dehumanize everyone else too, should they be in position to do so, if they were only waiting to have someone who is helpless to fight back, it means the rest of the world escaped their abuse merely because they didn’t have enough systematic power over it, and wouldn’t be able to get away with it.

You as a person can numb your feeling of guilt and shame and start taking your shit out on someone and dissociate from your conscience, but it will still keep chasing you and pressuring you to own up to your behaviour, in the end you will be forced to feel guilty. For sociopaths this is not the case, their guilt will never catch up, and they will never even consider that people they’ve been hurting might actually be actual real-life humans who feel genuine pain. They don’t believe that others would feel actual pain and wouldn’t just pretend for attention or for the sake of getting whatever they want - because sociopaths only pretend for attention and getting what they want, how could they expect anyone else to do otherwise. They just think the rest of us is sooo stupid and bad at pretending and manipulating, we should learn from them. They decide it’s our own fault for losing to them in this battle of “whos gonna make others feel more sorry for you” and “who’s gonna manage to convince the others they’re right”, it’s all just a game and they don’t care what they have to do to win.

I sometimes test if suspicious people are sociopaths by mimicking their exact behaviour and seeing if they react humanely to their own manipulation, for instance, I had a sociopath pretend they’re in dire amount of pain, close to suicide, because I wouldn’t speak to them after they harassed me, so I replied by also pretending I was in dire amount of pain because of how much their harassment hurt, now if this was a legit human being, they would acknowledge there and then they might have hurt someone, they would acknowledge they did wrong and apologize, did this happen? Not at all, this sociopath instead replied by even more exaggerating their own pain, completely ignoring mine, trying to one-up me with pretending. It was still a young sociopath so maybe they learned from this experience and will figure out how to manipulate someone better next time though.

Another time I was getting completely baseless attacks from a sociopath, accusing me of things I haven’t done, trying to blame me for stuff they did, and I decided to try to get them to self-reflect, I told them to stop and think about what they’re saying, and what they’re trying to achieve here, and pointed out truthfully, some of their own controlling and abusive actions. Their response? They mimicked the exact thing back, told me to stop myself, to reflect on what I’m doing, to stop my own abusive actions. That’s how I could tell, every accusation I got was a complete and baseless lie, they were trying to break me and were using everything and anything to try to get me to feel guilty and like I’m in the wrong, so that they could dictate to what I’m supposed to do next, and since they thought the “attack” I used was smart, they decided to use it against me, again, completely refusing to self-reflect, not because they were unable to, but because they already knew exactly what they were doing.

One common feature for which you can recognize sociopaths easily is that they never, at any point, believe that your emotions are real, that your problems are real, that you are actually struggling, that you actually need compassion and for them to stop hurting and attacking you, they will insist until the ends of earth that everything you feel and you go thru is fake, a play and manipulation, and at the same time they will swear to everyone and anyone that their pain is real, their feelings are real, their struggles are meaningful and important, they will fight you and anyone else on validity of their feelings, while laughing inside and thinking everyone is dumb, except for themselves.

It’s fairly hard to recognize sociopath’s manipulation while it’s happening because it’d designed to send you into emotional state, they’re trying to shock you, to make you senseless with guilt and pain so you don’t even think about what’s happening and just focus on giving them what they want, they make it seem urgent, dire, absolutely necessary that you immediately give in! They torture you with how much you’re at fault for how awful they feel and how much pain you’ve caused them, so you can’t even think about anything but making it right. It helps to realize they’re actually laughing inside, and thinking how dumb you are for still having the feature of compassion, when, to them, it’s obvious it’s just making you easy to manipulate, they think everyone would be smarter to just pretend and never extend any empathy, because why would someone make themselves easy to manipulate like that, that’s all they see in empathy and humanity, a chance at manipulation.

So, unless this description fits how you see the world, congrats, you’re not a sociopath.

anonymous asked:

may i request both of your crush headcanons (ex: how they act/treat their crush, would they pass notes, any specific things they do JUST for their crush, etc etc) for the hosts + haruhi? :oo i'm curious to see what you two think!



  • Tamaki is dense as hell about his crush but you guys already knew that so at first he’s just putting the charms on you because he sees beauty in you just like he does with his clients
  • and he’ll just attempt to spend as much time with you as possible and call you sweet nicknames and his usual princely shit but then he suddenly starts to realise w h o a h i really like doing this kind of stuff around you
  • he ends up trying to rope you into the host cub family and gets you involved with all their shenanigans and you just end up being swept along with the tide like gdi tamaki
  • and then he starts getting JEALOUS whenever anyone else especially tHOSE SHADY TWINS gets a bit too close to be considered friendly and at first he just thinks ‘well they’re a part of our family, im just being protective’ but then Kyoya’s just like ‘nope. not doing this shit again. you like them. in a romantic sense not a family one gdi tamaki you want to be their boyfriend now stfu.
  • que sudden realisation on tamaki’s part
  • and he doesn’t really know how to act around you now so he just decides to up the charm (and gets really flustered at the same time and usually ends up embarrassing himself horribly by staring at you for too long when you’re walking together and careening into a pole or something).
  • put it this way; to him a moment when he doesn’t have your attention is a moment wasted
  • senpai wants to be noticed so badly
  • plz notice him and put him out of his misery


  • dude. its Haruhi. she has no clue that she even likes you.
  • but its pretty clear to everyone else so there’s that
  • she just makes an effort to spend time with you and hang out and she’s just always there being nice and helpful and friendly and w o w be still my beating heart just look at that smile
  • she’s so unbelievably good to you like ‘you’re worried about an upcoming test??? we can study together at my house. i’ll cook dinner!’ 
  • ‘you need notes from that class you missed?? i’ll copy out mine for you.’ 
  • ‘you lost your phone?? i’ve got time lets spend the next three hours traipsing around the building calling it until we hear it.’
  • she pretty much sees you as one of her closest friends who she admires very much because you’re really great and talented and attractive in her eyes and she - wait what attractive??
  • ‘oh.’
  • ding dong you got it Haruhi.
  • and now she’s just a big flustered MESS around you at all possible times and trying her best not to show it because is this okay am i too close or not close enough do oh no have they twigged because im acting weird they can probably tell what if they dont feel the same way somebody please kill me god damn
  • eventually Kyoya figures it out of course and sometimes he makes very sly comments when you’re around, hinting that she likes you and Haruhi just has to kind of discreetly kick him like stfu kyoya u heinous space herpe
  • not to mention the way her head just SNAPS to a conversation whenever you’re mentioned and yeah we all knew it Haruhi you are just too cute for words.


  • yeah at first he’s gonna avoid you like the plague because what is happening to him why the hell is he reacting so strongly wtf all u did was pIC K UP A PenC IL G oD
  • okay so AFTER Haruhi, Kaoru and Honey smack sense into him and he comes to terms with it its great because he’s not competing against his brother or anyone else this time so yeah he just gOES FOR IT
  • Hikaru will legit resort to any means to get your attention/an excuse to hang out
  • any means
  • srsly he’s the kind of guy who’ll throw notes at your head in class just so that you both get detention or nick your wallet or something when youre not looking just so he can ‘find’ it for you later
  • ‘you’re failing that class?? WHAT A COINQUIDINK im failing too we should totes have a study date or something’
  • ‘oh dear i seem to have spilled my coffee all over you whoops SO sorry here take my shirt and lemme walk you to class’
  • he really does take off his shirt. this boy has no shame.
  • and whaaaaaaat??? rumours that you two are dating??? he totally didnt see this coming or hope those would spring up but hey you know thats not such a bad idea >;D
  • prepare for him to be super jealous all the time whenever you talk to other people like ‘whoah hey wtf hikaru i was in the middle of a conversation’ ‘no dont talk to them i swear on my life they were leering at your ass. im just looking out for you here, they’re probably a sexual deviant. bad news stay away.’
  • whatta dweeb


  • he’s so nice what the hell Kaoru this level of selflessness is inhuman i stg
  • he just loves spending time with you and hanging out and doing things together this puppy is pretty much at your beck and call what a sweetie
  • of course that doesn’t mean you’re exempt from the light jokes and teasing that accompanies it
  • he’s basically at your side as much as he’s at his brothers (which means that you now have both of the twin’s attention well done prepare for hell and mischief)
  • but he pretty much makes himself your own personal superman like ‘wHOOPS you nearly tripped lucky i was there to catch you’ and ‘you’re off sick?? ill copy my notes for you. also what kind of soup do you like cause im coming over’
  • Kaoru is fun! He’s the kind of guy who’ll just text you like ‘are you busy?? not anymore there’s a carnival in town so get dressed, im waiting outside!’ and then he just drags you off and its loads of fun and youre just like ????? are u just being a fun friend or do u like me????
  • yeah thats another thing he’s so good of a friend that it becomes really hard for you to tell that if he actually has the dokis for you or if he’s just really friendly because he’s not FLIRTING with you like he does when he’s hosting and its confusing, but really he’s treating you differently and genuinely because he does actually like you and he wants you to stop treating him like just a friend AND ITS ALL VERY CONFUSING and absolutely perfect for a tense confession scene aww yeah aHEM we’ll totally write that if u guys request it
  • also prepare for Hikaru to get tired of waiting for his bro to make a move and attempt to be his wingman and he’s just dropping hints everywhere BUT NO ONE SEEMS TO BE CATCHING ON
  • Hikaru is 4378436% done with both of you. ‘omfg just kiss already you’ll make a lot of people happy’
  • the host club has started a betting pool on which one of you is gonna break and confess first lets just say Haruhi ends up with a LOT of moolah by the end of this charade


  • the denial is strong in Kyoya ohhh boy
  • YOU THINK HIKARU’S BAD YOU CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO FATHOM THE SHEER AMOUNT OF DENIAL THAT IS HAPPENING HERE like he’s used to being charming and suave with his clients but this is different he actually has feelings for you???? huh??????? what is he supposed to do with those????
  • feelings are too much hassle goodbye
  • its likely that Kyoya would try to shove these feelings into a box in the corner of his mind and never ever ever think about you or how you make his heart do weird things or how nice you look when you laugh or how attractive your smile is and god fucking dammit
  • and even though he’s trying to suppress what he deems to just be a ‘distraction’ his soft spot for you still shows in ways he doesn’t realise until after he’s done it
  • ‘oh my god did i just offer them a discount what the hell is WRONG with me’
  • /i wont say im in love plays softly in the distance/
  • once he actually comes to terms with his feelings tho he starts PLANNING
  • if he’s going to do this whole ‘crush’ thing he’s gonna do it RIGHT gosh darn it.
  • he ends up using the host club to his advantage by making sure that they’re always serving your favourite food or doing a theme you like cause hey if it gets you there, he’s happy.
  • expect to run into him everywhere and every time you somehow get roped into getting lunch at really nice and expensive places with him and eventually its like ‘???? are we on a date Kyoya??’
  • ‘Well, duh.’
  • ‘oh. cool.’


  • Honey KNOWS he’s cute and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t use it to his advantage here
  • he is affectionate as hell and he’s always around you or holding your hand or giving you hugs or sometimes when he gets really confident or ahead of himself he’ll plant big kisses on your cheeks and HE GETS AWAY WITH IT because everyones just like ‘awww thats Honey-senpai for ya’
  • tbh about half of your life is spent sitting at his table eating with him because how can you say no to a face like that
  • but here’s the kicker *drumroll*… he saves food for you
  • i know right
  • like if he knows you’re coming today he will find your favourite flavour bring it to his table and protect it with his life if he has to no one is allowed to touch the desserts he saves for you
  • its terrifying tbh
  • Mori totally knows about his big fat crush tho and most of his time is spent hovering over Honey’s shoulder whispering ‘tell them’
  • he’s confident - maybe even overly so - in interacting with you as his crush, and later as your s/o,  but we think he’d actually be pretty nervous about the actual confession part 
  • like he’s super worried that you only see him as this little brother figure and he knows that you smiling at him in that way that makes his stomach flip when he does something cute doesn’t equal attraction and you guys are pretty much surrounded by these other hot people who people are falling all over and bless his soul youre perfect just the way you are Honey don’t ever change you can be cute and a boyfriend at the same time my darling


  • bruh. Mori is so unbelievably chill about this.
  • in fact, he’s SO chill that it presents a problem because it’s almost impossible for anyone but Honey to figure out that he likes you at all.
  • the one big factor? He talks more when you’re around. you bring out his more talkative (and flirty) side because he really just wants to keep your attention.
  • and you’re like ???????????????????????? did big silent Mori just FLIRT with you???
  • hell yes he did and you better respond my friend
  • doki doki
  • while he really wants to hang out with you he’s sometimes not exactly not sure how to ask, and that’s where Honey comes into the picture
  • Honey will often drag you along to spend time with him and Takashi and then have some sort of ‘emergency’ thats causes him to abscond so you’re left with Mori and Mori has no qualms whatsoever about this
  • PS Honey is a matchmaking genius
  • He also likes having study dates with you because you guys get to spend time together without relying on conversation to keep it going (also because he gets to call it a date and it makes him feel all wibbly inside)
  • spoiler alert: Mori is actually adorkable when it comes to romance
  • when he finally does confess its gonna be romantic (and surprising) as hell aww yeah

- Admin Kits and Beckett

anonymous asked:

all discourse aside, did you actually like the sleepless night video? i haven't seen you really talking about the video itself. i thought it was really cute!

my personal opinion on the video itself was that it was a bit dull! it was definitely my least favorite in the series, and it felt a bit less authentic than the past sleepless night videos. whether that was bc phil didn’t even seem tired, because he was saying he needed to stay quiet then hammering things into his wall, because he was trying to get to sleep but then spent a good amount of time eating more sugar, because he used a lot of the same concepts from previous sleepless night videos which made the format seem stale, or bc, in fact, it was staged and it wasn’t even late when he made it (or a combination of all of those things) too much of the vid just felt weird or over-performed to me. overall it just wasn’t as fun or natural or soft as the past videos have felt, and for that reason it wasn’t as appealing to me as a viewer. which is ok!!! i mean phil is an entertainer, youtube is his job, all of his content is a performance to one degree or another, etc. etc. etc. 

all of that being said, it’s not a video i could see myself re-watching very much in the way i’ve done w other sleepless night vids, and i guess that’s how i measure whether i liked it. of course i’ll never completely dislike something phil makes because i like watching him overall, he’s cute and giggly and uplifting almost innately (i legit take joy out of seeing him laugh i mean lets be honest here) but this wasn’t his best content imo. i’d compare all of this to my feelings after this year’s easter baking which wasn’t bad, but in my opinion was kind of just,,, dull,,, bc it mimicked the style of past baking vids, felt rushed/forced, and therefore didn’t seem to have that element of warmth that makes so many of their past baking videos so incredible. soooo, overall (to me) a mediocre video, not one of my favs from phil, and i’d much rather take any of the other three over this one!!!

A Night on The Town

My @mlsecretsanta​​ gift for @katswatermelon​! A Happy Holiday to you! Now have some DJWifi fluff!


“I just don’t know what to get her, bro.”

“What about an interview with Ladybug and Chat Noir?”


“Got her that last year.”

“Has she interviewed them since Ladynoir became canon?”


“Seriously, Nino. Stop beating your head against the table.”

“I’ll stop when I figure this out.”


Keep reading

I'll Give You Space - Michael Clifford

It was about 12 o'clock in the afternoon and you were still in bed. But at least being productive with work. Your boss put you in charge of coordinating an event, so that’s what you spent your whole morning doing on your laptop. Designing invitations, researching venues, writing down potential themes and color schemes, and considering every little detail to make this perfect. You didn’t really have anything planned out today besides a lunch date with Michael in a little bit so you dedicated all your free time to putting together this event.

“Hey princess the guys are here just so you know,” Michael walks in the bedroom and you were kinda surprised since you two were supposed to leave in an hour.

“What? Well do they know we’re leaving soon?” You said following him out the room into the kitchen, carrying your laptop.

“Leaving?” Michael turns around confused, obviously forgot about your date.

“Yeah I thought we had a lunch date.” You set down your laptop on the dining table, crossing your arms.

“Oh”, Michael sighed as if he was relieved that it wasn’t something important. “Well we can just have a date some other time.”

“And when’s that gonna be?”

“I don’t know whenever, we always have dates anyways.”

“Sure but you’re not always here.”

“Y/N”, Michael looked at your sternly once you played that card against him. “Don’t do that”, he warned with cold beers in his hands to give to his band mates.

“Why can’t I? You’re gone for months with them and I get, at most, two weeks with you during that and yet you’re still with them.”

“So what then? You hate the guys now?”

“What? Of course not! I’m just saying, I wouldn’t mind it if my boyfriend actually wanted to spend some time with me.”

“We’ve been on a date almost everyday since I got back, I think I deserve this break.”

“A break from touring, not your girlfriend Mike.”

He scoffed at your comment, “I’m not gonna fight with you over a date right now, Y/N.” He walked past you, out of the kitchen leaving you annoyed and angry.

You retreated back to your bedroom seeing Michael and the guys in the corner of your eye lounging around with beers, talking, and watching TV.

You were climbing back into bed when you realized you left your laptop on the dining table.

“Where’s Y/N at? Why doesn’t she come hang with us?” Ashton asked, noticing that you haven’t come out and said hi yet or talk to them for a bit.

“I don’t know, in the room working or something.” Michael said with such a disinterested and careless tone.

You stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall once you heard your name mentioned.

“Woah there. You guys okay?” Luke asked.

“Yeah why wouldn’t we be?” Michael said back, sipping his beer looking at the TV, avoiding his bandmates.

“I don’t know, you just seem to be avoiding something.”

“She’s just being clingy again. Getting mad over some lunch date we were supposed to have today.”

“Well mate she barely sees you. Girls are all about dates, it’s important to them. Something I’ve learned.” Luke said back.

“I’ve been back for 5 days. And we did something everyday, starting when we wake up to going to sleep.”

“5 days doesn’t amount up to the months that you’re gone Michael,” Calum interrupted.

You furrowed your eyebrows and listened closely.

“Fuck don’t say that, that’s something she’d say.” Michael made a face and Calum chuckled at his immaturity.

Michael leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’m just saying guys. Whenever I come back I always feel like it’s the same thing. Always asking to go out, do something, ‘spend time with me’, and shit I don’t know. I just want some space now. I don’t wanna deal with clingy.”

Clingy? Calum had a point, his something week long breaks with you doesn’t compare to the months that he’s gone for touring. You were mad that he didn’t bring this up to you so you could fix it, but also upset that he’d say that.

You turned the corner into the kitchen to get your laptop back, peeking into the living room to say a quick hi to the guys. They didn’t seem to look suspicious that you may have heard them, thankfully.

You walked back to your room turning off your laptop.

“Let’s hang today? Shopping, beach, food, movies, something?” You texted your best friend, walking to your closet looking for an outfit.

Almost instantly she texted back. “You already know I’m down! Getting ready now.”

You laid out an outfit on your bed and texted her back, “Yay! Pick you up in an hour.”

You quickly showered, did your makeup, and got dressed just in time when you would leave.

You walked out into the living room, seeing the guys still in the same spot. You tried to seem casual and make Michael not curious, so you came up from behind him on the couch and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Hey baby, gonna go out with a friend.”

“Oh,” he said kind of surprised considering that you were mad at him just over an hour ago. “Where you going?”

“Don’t know yet.” You answered back, getting off of him to put on your shoes. You hated when Michael gave you answers like that.

“Ok, when will you be home?”

“Not sure,” you got up and gave him a quick kiss goodbye. “Bye boys!”

They all waved and said goodbye, while Michael just watched you leave, curious.

During lunch, you told Y/F/N about the conversation your eavesdropped on earlier and she was with you.

“I mean, you do have a valid point to be upset. But if that’s just how Michael feels then, I don’t know, just give him the space for now?”

“I intend to,” you said back.

“Oh no Y/N are you gonna play with him?”

“It’s not gonna be bad!” You defended, “if he wants space I’ll give it to him.”

You spent the rest of your day hanging out. Starting with lunch, then a movie, shopping, and a late dinner.

You dropped off your friend and came home around midnight. You opened your front door trying to be quiet in case Michael was already sleeping.

“Babe?” He called out from the kitchen.

“Hey Michael I thought you’d be sleeping.”

“No I stayed up to wait until you got home,” he came up to you and greeted you with a hug and kiss. “There’s leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry.”

“Oh no I just ate.” You walked to your bedroom to get ready for bed with Michael following behind you.

“Ok well what are you doing tomorrow? Maybe we could do something?” He asked, actually kinda feeling bad now that he basically blew you off earlier.

“Working tomorrow, babe.”

“What about the next day?”

“Also working. Gonna be looking around for venues for the event.”

“Oh right,” he said, “well when are you free so we could do something?”

“Not quite sure. Don’t worry we can just have a date some other time.” You said, repeating his words earlier, but he didn’t catch on to that. “Let’s just go to bed Michael.”

You opened up the covers on his side for him to join you in bed.

He fell asleep first while you stayed up still. Thinking about how you’re gonna play this out, this whole “giving Michael his space” thing. Work was always a good and legit excuse, and on days off you could just hang out with friends.

So that’s how it went for a week. It was always:

“Hey babe, let’s go do something today?”

“Gonna go shopping today, next time.”

And a kiss on his cheek then you were gone.

“Y/N, where you going?”

“Gonna get my nails done and get dinner with some coworkers, don’t wait up for me bye!” And out the door again.

“Why do you keep leaving and going places?”

“I’m just gonna work at the cafe Michael, it’s fine.”

“No it’s not fine you’re always gone. Just stay here-”

“It’s more relaxing for me over there Mike. And plus the guys just came over.”

“So I’ll tell them to leave.”

“I’ll be back by dinner, ok? Just relax.”

And you were out the door.

These situations became such a routine to you you forgot why you were even doing it in the first place. Not going to lie, it felt good to have some time by yourself, peacefully working, surrounded by that whole coffee shop vibe. But you did miss Michael. You missed his presence, going on dates, staying in with him just cuddling, cooking with him, and just simply spending quality time with him. And now you were doing the complete opposite. Avoiding him, giving him space, not returning majority of his texts and calls just so won’t be “clingy.”

You looked down in the corner of your laptop and realized it was two hours later you said that you’d be home. You quickly packed up your things and headed home.

You walked through the door and immediately noticed how silent it was, completely different to when you left earlier. You walked into the living room noticing Michael just sitting on the couch on his phone.

“Hey Michael I’m home,” you said sitting down taking off your shoes.

“Oh hey,” he said quite sadly and didn’t even look towards your direction, “thought you’d be home by dinner.”

“Just lost track of time.”

“Yeah you’ve been doing that a lot lately.” He mumbled.


“Nothing, nothing… Dinner’s in the microwave.”

You walked towards the kitchen to heat up the food when Michael finally looked at you.

He turned around on the couch and looked back over at you hesitating to speak, “babe?”


“Uh, are we okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just been working a lot. And especially going out with your friends a lot lately.” He paused frequently between his words, sort of nervous of bringing up his thoughts.

“And you go out with your friends too.” you answered back, trying not to sound rude but to make it sound like it was obviously a common thing and not that you were avoiding him.

“I mean I guess,” he turns back around on the couch and mumbles the last part, “it’s just that I never see you anymore.”

but you still heard it. and you were so close to just jumping on the couch and wrapping yourself around him but instead you just continued towards the kitchen to eat.

“I’m gonna go to bed now.” Michael popped in after a few minutes.

And you just nodded your head at him, invested to whatever was on your phone.

“Are you gonna join me?”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll be there in a little bit.”

A little bit. So Michael knew that would probably take an hour. And to no surprise, it did.

Eventually you walked into the bedroom to finally get ready for bed, noticing Michael was still up.

Usually once you get into bed you’re so quick to snuggle up next to Michael or completely lay yourself on him but instead you just climbed in and turned to the other side.

“Y/N, are you sure we’re okay?”

You turned around and looked at him, “Yes Michael why are you so concerned?”

“Because you’re never here Y/N. Whenever I ask if we could do something you’re always 'oh I already have plans’, and you never do that when I come back. Even if you did have plans, you’d drop them and do something with me. And now you’re gone for almost the whole day. It’s like all you ever do here is just to sleep…”

Through Michael’s entire rambling you couldn’t help but think “Exactly how I’ve been feeling! Oh but when you feel like this it matters. You’re never here either. You blew me off the other day so how does it feel now huh?”

You kept all your angry thoughts inside and let him keep talking.

“And I leave in a couple days and we haven’t spent any time together for a week at least. It’s already hard enough that I have to be away from you for months. But to be home and still feel like I’m away from you sucks.”

And once he was done you replied back with only six words.

“Just didn’t want to be clingy.”

“What? Princess you’re not clingy.”

“That’s not what you said the other day to the guys.”

He looked at you with wide eyes, and you turned your back against him knowing that you caught him.

“Babe,” he laid a hand on your shoulder to get you to face him but you didn’t budge. “I didn’t know you heard me.”

“Doesn’t matter Michael, you’re leaving soon anyways so you’ll be away from me in no time.” You said still not facing him.

“Ok but I don’t wanna be away from you. I never do. I just- I don’t know, guess I just wanted some space.”

“So I’m giving you space what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is that I don’t want it anymore ok? I don’t want you to ignore me anymore and go out with other people. I don’t wanna leave knowing you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad Michael.”

“Then can you look at me?”

And you hesitated to turn around for some reason, but you did anyways. And he was quick to pull you close to him, wrapping an arm around you and the other hand behind your head to bring you in for a kiss on your forehead.  

“I’m sorry I said that. And I’m sorry you had to hear it. But I don’t want the space anymore okay? Spend time with me please? Before I leave again.”

“I just wish you didn’t have to leave all the damn time.”

“Yeah but you put up with me right? And I’m so thankful for that. So please? Let’s just spend these next few days together?”

You looked up at him and quickly pecked his lips and pushed yourself away from him, “fine but stop being so clingy,” you joked, turning your back against him.

“Oh so you wanna play now?” He said, pulling you back towards his chest, attacking you with neck kisses.

And even though he would be leaving again in a couple days you were happy that you got to be wrapped up with him again.

This one was requested a few days ago, hope you guys like it and tell me what you think :)


anonymous asked:

fun ask: if you could talk to a member of bts who would you want to talk to and about what?

this is the hardest question i have gotten in a long while what is this :-)

‘fun‘ ask my ass

jk i think this is a fun question n id love to read other ppl responses to this too so pls comment on this ask if u have any ideassss!! ok? good

this can get long so..

Keep reading

Matt and Pidge Headcanons

Matt and Pidge headcanons cause I don’t see enough of it around. These are heavily based off of my sister and me so um sorry.  Btw all this will probably be proven wrong some way but you know what until then- 

• Tomas the Tank Engine kids

• shared rooms probably at one point

•When they were little they would take everything apart. Not washing your clothes this week, cause the washer is destroyed. Can’t use the laptop because Pidge is hiding the parts in their pockets. 


• Matt used to put together Pidge’s lunch 

• Matt got in trouble once for letting Pidge watch Alien but Matt was actually the one who was scared. He slept with the lights on for a month. 

• Had a hamster once. Once… 

•the President and the Vice President of their public school robotics club 

• both have made it into the newspaper at least once for winning school contests and events 

•when parents aren’t home, they usually eat grilled cheese and tomato soup together, cause it’s the only thing Matt can make and Pidge will eat.

• ” be good today, Kat" 

   " Matt, I will punch u in the leg" 

•finish each other’s sentences, and are so emotionally and mentally inSync that Mama Holt and Papa Holt are just so “ ????? How" 

•meme each other all the time everyday 24/7 always

Matt:  there is this annoying dude in my class and-

  Pidge: break his legs 

  Matt: what-no

• ” I’m bored wanna run to the store at 11pm and get sodas" 

• * Matt wakes up at 4am to hear Bring Me to Life playing through the wall* 

Pidge: I wanna basket of French fries

Matt: we can’t I spent that money on the transit home

Pidge: well shit Matt, that doesn’t fix my problem

• Matt was constantly mistaken for a 14 year old. 

• “ your hair gets everywhere “ 

• * watching a movie*

       Pidge: *pointing at screen* it u

       Matt: yes it is

Pidge: btw I was at the store today, saw a cute dude, and he was your type so I gave him your number

  Matt: KAT WHY

  Pidge: cause he was cute. And your type.

•Matt is a major Airhead. Makes talkin to him hard. 

• Matt used to watch Naruto 

Matt: can u pick up some milk on the way home

Pidge: go ask your friend Naruto

• Matt’s iconic puppy dog face. Pidge hates it

• no only I can make fun of my brother if u do it I will punch you in the throat 

• That being said Pidge is 100% down to destroy people’s social lives via Internet if necessary 

• Pidge got the original Nintendo console for Matt on Christmas and he cried.  

• jif vs gif debate all the time Pidge will legit fight him

Pidge: you know like nya

  Matt: what

  Pidge:  nya :3

  Matt: stop

• Matt sometimes brushed Pidge’s hair because they could never do it properly/was lazy. Pidge always kind of wanted short hair but thought they would look too similar. 

• Matt uses “XD” non-ironically 

• Probably likes Goat Simulator 

• Nerf Gun wars. Mama Holt hates them. 

• Both quote irobot  

• Matt takes long ass showers 

• Matt gets called “sweetie” a lot by waitresses. Pidge snorts. 

- Pidge:  sweaty :)

  Matt: oh my gosh stop

• When Matt was trying to get accepted into the Garrison, Pidge would need to remind him to actually get a decent amount of sleep. He would just point a shaky finger and say “ u have no right” then passes the hell out. 

Undertale - So Sorry - Addendum

Okay, this has been a long time coming. Unfortunately, I wasn’t aware of threading comments on twitter so mostly I’m just grabbing what I wrote there and stuffing it in a text post to get it in one place.

Okay, hoo, here goes. So, seven months since Undertale. As Toby predicted, I was found in under a week - then found out shortly after. Now people say shitty things to me and about me legit all the time. It stings but, y'know, water off a duck’s back. I’m autistic, I’m fat, I’m poly, I might be NB, I have anxiety disorder, I’m on medication. I’m used to getting things slung my way. And I knew that once the connection was made to me in Undertale, it’d be same old story. We both knew how it would go. Toby warned me, expressed his concerns and asked me if I wanted to back down. I said “its worth it to be part of something I love so much”.

The problem is, some stuff had happened preceding that and surrounding that that kind of hurt.

Firstly, he was cool with me, loved my character, said nice things about me, agreed to a unique room, an encounter, a battle and NPC. Then someone said “hey, Sam’s a freak by the way”. I never was told who, only that someone brought it up to him. Ever after, its been pain. Now, unique area, npc, boss fight, encounter - all that stuff went to another backer, who I’ve since been told is his friend?

I didn’t hear much for two years. I waited patiently, hopeful the bad stuff was over, super excited for Undertale. Then one day he messages me near the end of development and asks if he can just shitcan the whole thing, refund the money. All the fun ideas we talked about got scrapped. I stood up enough to say “no, thats real unfair” and that was about it. In the end, we didn’t even get to see the lovely sprite Tuyo did for So Sorry’s front - we only get the back in the game. I think its probably okay for me to share this now - if she says otherwise, I can take it down, of course.

I love the fight, I love the game, but its all tangled up in so much stress at this point. I don’t feel like a “cool secret” as I was told about. I feel like a skeleton buried under the floorboards of a closet. People keep comparing me to Muffet and its not hard to see why. She’s really cool, I love her design and the battle is amazing. But she’s also an external creation and you HAVE to fight her before you are even ABLE to trigger the So Sorry secret for some reason. That and not even getting my name in the credits with the other monster designers it feels like yeah, he didn’t want anything to do with me.

And I’m done, I’m done feeling hurt about it. I’m done with the naysayers being enabled nothin being countered. I’m done doubting myself for ever wanting to be out in the open. I’m a real person. My life has meaning no matter what.

And it would have been fine if Toby had actually ever directly addressed any of it. Instead, it was “don’t harass my backers, no good will come of it” and “all monsters are good”. No good came of it - for me, at least. It wasn’t all your backers being harassed and they weren’t being harassed for being your backers. It was one developmentally challenged guy who wound up with a weird job on the internet. I’ve tried talking to Toby about it, as has Khato, as have a couple of friends we talked to about it. Toby doesn’t want to make a scene. He’s worried about the backlash I think? But he has nothing to lose and I had everything to lose by being so involved. And I’m tired of losing. I’m tired of being indefensible for existing. I already got hit by the backlash. I’m just tired.

Also Toby isn’t bad, I just think how he’s dealt with me has been kind of, uh, a little dehumanizing. Just all this stuff is really contrary to the meaning and moral of his game since I guess I’m the wrong kind of monster. And I’ve spent seven months dealing with the stress. Its affected my health and my work both and there’s no end to it. It feels good to finally get all that off my chest. Its been a long time in coming but its been killing me, very slowly.

tldr: toby was more invested in me being a secret than me being a cool secret and not standing up for me made me feel isolated and hurt

I appreciate all the well wishing by the way. Its been exhausting and the support means a lot to me (by the time of posting it to tumblr, there’s been an outpouring of it on twitter and oh my god I was not ready for that).

I hope one day people like me and my audience get to just be ourselves in our own little corners of the world without being denied happiness.

I don’t think I’m a great person or anything. I try to avoid hurting people. Some times I do. I know I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. But I’d like to think I’m generally an okay person and I just want to be treated with the same amount of respect as all living things

going forward, I don’t know what to do now. I don’t think I can talk to Toby about it anymore than I already have. It hurts too much. I didn’t want a refund, I just wanted to be involved in something that made me feel powerful emotions and give what I could back.

when the game was being kickstarted, I fell in love with it instantly. I spread the word to every person I knew. I explicitly asked if he’d want to do the fantroll thing and he said sure. When it came out, I spread the game to everyone I knew, everyone I cared about and a bunch of people I look up to and respect because the game means so much to me as it is and I wanted to share that good with everyone who might want it. I worked and saved up as hard as I could to be involved - as best as a low rent commission artist CAN do - and I did it again when the game came out and I saw people itching to play it. It means a lot to me - I have a lot of stuff going on in my life but it made me feel like maybe things would be okay.

but the longer I go on dealing with the stress, the less I’m sure things will be.

some people have asked about what the original plan called for. I don’t have it to hand but it involved him stumbling around his art studio, trying to draw a butterfly that wouldn’t keep still. silly and toothless stuff, but thats all the plan was for. Just something light and fluffy. I commissioned some art from Tuyoki of it at the time since she was open and seemed to want to work with me. We didn’t have a whole lot of interaction, but she never did anything that made me feel intensely alienated or anything. Thats the piece at the top of the post - again if she isn’t cool with me sharing the work, I can take it down from the post.

Finally, someone’s told me it may be even more complex and possibly worse than I was aware of. I won’t say anything specifically until I can find out. I don’t know what the case is and I don’t want to say anything based on supposition, only what I’ve experienced or understand. I guess I’ll make an addendum to the addendum if I find out more.

Thanks for listening, folks, and thank you for the kind words on twitter.

23/04/2016 Edit:

Toby and me have talked about everything and you can find our responses to things here:



Thank you, everyone, for all the support. Please, be sure to show Toby support too - he is a good dog.

How to Survive the OR

(from someone who did it for two months with minimal yelling, puking, and fainting)

The OR is a very unique experience, and even if you 100% do not want to go into a surgical field it’s kind of a once in a lifetime thing and pretty freaking cool. I personally found the order and rhythm of OR days to be somewhat soothing (I’m weird and really get off on routine). That being said I was extremely nervous going into it and was terrified I was going to fuck up and/or die. So here are some tips I’ve compiled to hopefully make your OR experience enjoyable or, at the very least, tolerable.  


-GET COMPRESSION SOCKS/COMFORTABLE SHOES. Do not be me. Do not wait until a week of awful leg pain to decide to order compression socks. They were a complete game changer, especially since I’ve been very bullheaded about not buying Danskos so I was just wearing tennis shoes. You will be standing for 2-3 hours at a time if you’re lucky, 6+ hours if you’re not. And this will be repeated for about 10-12 hours a day. Also investing in massages is a great idea. The massage I got at the end of my first month of surgery was the best decision I’ve ever made. I almost cried when she worked on my quads because it hurt so good. 

-EAT, EAT, EAT. I’m not a big breakfast eater but I made sure to at least get a couple of protein bars in me before the day started. This will greatly decrease your chances of passing out, like my rotation partner did a few times. The resident actually told us to not work out in the morning because that will also get your system revved up and not help the situation if you’re already prone to fainting (not sure how legit this is because there’s no fucking way I was working out at 4am anyways). When it comes to water, keep hydrated but don’t down a liter before you go into the OR, or if you do make time for a bathroom break. And keep snacks on you that you can quickly scarf down between cases because who knows if you are going to be able to get a real lunch. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Ok but I am seriously having trouble with the FRONT of the face, with everyone it's the profile but I can't front! Would it trouble you to make another tutorial, please?

Well, that’s the thing; I can’t front either! I’m sorry. As soon as I figure out a cheat for easier frontal face drawing, I’ll let you guys know! 
The best advice I can give at the moment is to try, logically and with a good sense of structure, to frame the face well before drawing any significant details and mirror what you’re drawing frequently. I don’t know how to stress the importance of mirroring while drawing enough; it seriously helps you to notice all the mistakes you didn’t even think would be there at first, which eventually leads to huge improvement in the quality of your drawings! Let’s have a look.

Below is a rough sketch of a face. I worked fast but with consideration, didn’t cling to any further details and just focused on placing all the framing features of the face as logically as possible. (There are literally millions of tutorials out there about how to correctly place different facial features, so I’m not gonna talk about it here.)
I didn’t go any further with the sketch just yet though, because as soon as I thought every feature was in place I wanted to mirror my sketch to see if they really were. Working on paper, I do the mirroring simply by flipping my drawing and looking at its imprint against the light from my work lamp (you can also use an actual mirror if you wanna, or for example if the paper’s too thick to see through). 
And what do I notice? A thousand little mistakes I had made without even noticing!  

Now, in digital art there’s a gift undoubtedly from God himself for these situations: the lasso tool. Of course, not all mistakes can be corrected with just re-placing either, but it’s definitely worth a try!
Unfortunately us traditional doodlers will have to just take out our erasers and mercilessly swipe off everything that’s out of place and start anew. Trust me though, it’s not worth it clinging to for example a perfect looking eye you sketched if it looks wrong and out of place. If you know what you’re doing you will be able to reproduce an eye just as good (or even better!) looking even after erasing the previous one; that’s called skill. 

Anyway… I keep correcting and mirroring for as long as I need to get everything look the way I want. The more often you take a glance at the mirrored picture as you’re refining your sketch the better! Seriously, mirroring is so quick and easy and saves you from a lot of trouble and headache later on. And it’s a truly merciless judge!
Finally, after a variable amount of struggling, I’m left with something that’s beginning to look about as legit mirrored as in its original state.

Now I’ll let myself go on with further details. However, I won’t stop mirroring the picture as I go along! It’s amazing how sneakily stuff can get out of place again if one’s not frequently paying attention.
Here’s the finished sketch:

Don’t beat yourself if you can’t always get the mirrored picture look EXACTLY as good as the original view. That simply won’t always happen, and it doesn’t have to; the original, “correct” view is of course the one that matters the most in the end. The better the mirrored drawing looks however, the less likely it is for you to someday look at this picture you spent so much time and effort drawing and think “what a pile of garbage, I can’t believe I actually liked the way that looked back then”. 

ashloftining-deactivated2014053  asked:

You've been making zines for a long time. How do you think the culture has changed since you began, and is it for better or for worse?

Oh, gosh. I have been making zines for a really long time, but I don’t know how to answer this question! Here are some changes I have noticed:

1. It’s more expensive to make zines, now. Photocopies and postage have both gotten ridiculously expensive over the past 20 years. On the other hand, it’s easier to make your zines available for free, because if you have access to a decent computer and the Internet, you can easily upload .pdf versions.

1.5 One reason it costs more: You used to be able to scam both copies and postage so much more easily. Now, almost every copy place uses some kind of prepaid card, so you can’t just lie about how many copies you made; postage-wise, as soon as they started using the sticker-stamps as opposed to the kind you lick, it became nearly impossible to reuse postage. Dang.

2. Maybe this goes along with things being more expensive - but more people seem to be treating zines like a business. I’m not talking about people who actually have zine-related businesses, like distros and zine shops, nor am I talking about people who charge enough for their zines so they can at least break even - I am in the latter category, because, as I said in #1, shit has gotten expensive and we can’t all afford to give copies away for free at shows, y’know? I guess I’m just talking about people who, like, make zines that are six pages long, and the pages just have, like 5 badly-photocopied photographs and one poem or something, but then they use cardstock for the covers and then charge, like, 8 bucks for the zine. It pisses me off because, first of all, some of us spend a really long time on our zines, craft them as if we’re writing books, and some of us write zines that are almost as long as books, and then these people charge ridiculous amounts of money when we’re still just trying to break even? And also: if you want to get rich, doing a zine is a really silly way to try and do that. Doing a zine usually has the opposite effect; it’s usually more like: “Do I eat this week, or do I make photocopies?” I don’t know where I’m going with this point. There have probably always been people who charged way too much for shitty zines. Some people think even charging for zines at all is a sell-out/capitalist move (those people have obviously never had to choose between zines and life necessities). Maybe I am just bitter because I thought that at this point in my life I’d be able to afford getting my zines professionally printed, a la Cometbus or Burn Collector, and I’m still stuck doing it all oldschool. Who knows.

3. Zines are considered to be more ‘legit’ now, but also…not? It’s like, on the one hand, if you become somewhat known for your writing, and people find out that you used to do a zine, they get all excited and want to publish an anthology of it or something. “Oh, see how s/he’s risen!” they say. “From poorly photocopied rants and record reviews to a real published book!” But on the other hand…if you’re still here, doing zines 20+ years later, no one’s going to just offer you a book deal. (Unless you’re Cometbus.) No, I’m not bitter at all!

4. Computers have become more prevalent in doing zine layouts. Some people still do all their zines by hand, with the aid of maybe a typewriter, and I admire those people, and yes, there is something to be said for the cut and paste aesthetic, and the tactile rawness of typewriter text or handwriting, and I love the smell of glue sticks in the morning but…even 15 years ago, I used a combination of computers and more analog tools in my zine-making, and now it has gotten even easier. I mean, now I can use my computer to make the text look like it was typed on a typewriter, but I still have the ease of editing that comes with a computer, and I can make my photos look all dot-screened Xerox art-style…but I don’t have to spend hours bent over a copying machine at the local office supply store? (Cos that isn’t even fun anymore, now that a. their photocopiers work just like scanners, so you might as well be on your home computer anyway and b. see point #1.5.) You mean I can use my word processing software to lay out all the text and graphics and print it all out like that and not have to get cramps in my hands from hours spent with scissors and glue? Sign me the fuck up!

5. The main difference has to do with the Internet. I’ve heard some oldschool zinesters and pseudo-luddites lament: “The Internet has killed zines! No one writes zines anymore, they write blogs! Where are the ziiiinnneeesss?” And, wow, have those people ever actually searched Etsy for zines, or checked out the #zines tag on Tumblr, or anything like that? Sure, some people write blogs instead of zines, and a lot of people write both, but, if anything, the Internet becoming what it is now has made it so much easier to find zines! Back in The Day, unless you were in a bigger city with a cool shop that sold zines, you had to read a review in, like Maximum Rocknroll or Slug and Lettuce or whatever, and a. take the reviewer’s word for it that the zine was good (this is not to discount the importance of zine reviews, but bear with me) and b. send 2 bucks to the address provided and hope that it would get there safely and that the zinester would actually send you the zine eventually and not just spend the money on beer or whatever. And there were zine distros, but you usually had to send stamps to get their catalog or something, and it was a whole lot more complicated. Now, now you can find zines everywhere, thanks to the Internet! It doesn’t even matter if you live in Bumfuck, Nowhere - if you have access to the Internet, you can find zines! And you can usually see pictures of them and read some excerpts! And if you have PayPal or a debit card, you can order them from Etsy or Storenvy or directly from the zinester, and you know that the money is getting there; same with the websites of zine distros and stores like Quimby’s - you can see their whole catalog online and order a bunch of zines at once! Furthermore, if you dig doing zine trades, the Internet has made that easier, too - you can email someone you want to trade with and say: “Hey, I do a zine too, interested in trading?” And if they say yes, you can exchange addresses, and you’re good to go. I don’t know, there was something special about spending hours scouring shops for rad zines (and records, this goes for records, too), and I still like to do it when I get the chance - but as far as I’m concerned, the fact that it’s easier for more people in more places to find zines (and cool music) now is a good thing, and zines are far from being dead.

Wow…this got really long. Apparently no one should ask me about zines, because I will ramble endlessly. To answer the second part of your question: are the changes for better or worse? Neither. Some things are better, some are worse, and overall, it’s just different. But zines (and print) are far from being dead, despite what some cultural alarmists/Grumpy Old White Dudes say. And: as much as I grumble about wanting a book deal and that I’m still ‘stuck’ doing zines, well - I do want a book deal, but even if I write a New York Times bestseller (haha, yeah right), I will still probably always do zines.

anonymous asked:

Ur post abt Jensen irl is delusional he's a dick to fans at cons he acts like he doesn't even wanna be there n hardly talks to people he barely looked at me Jared n misha r the nice ones who actually like their fans Jensen probably only said 2 words to u n u say he's the greatest cus ur an obsessed Dean fan

Keep reading

So Now You Want Me? Part 3.

Requested – Yes.

Prompt – You change after Luke rejected you rudely.

Warning – Feels for Luke. Feels for Calum. Feels for Ashton. Feels for Michael. Feels for Jesus. Feels for everyone.

Words – 1809.


Part 1.

Part 2.

Keep reading

Inferior Si

SUBMITTED by marvoliarty

After reading the answered ask about the differences between high the types where Sherlock and everything was mentioned (I’m too lazy to look back), I felt certain that I am in fact an ENTP.  So, I’m always seeing people talk and write about how their inferior or tertiary Ne is terrible, and gives them anxiety or whatever, but I have never seen one about inferior Si.  Here goes nothing.

My experience of sensory is very personal, especially when I take it as it is, as opposed to as what it could be.  My memory and ability to recount an event is so bad that after a short amount of time, I’m not sure if I’m even making it up.  For example, a few days ago, I completely on a whim decided to go to a cold read audition (thanks Ne), and it went well.  I walked in, SLAYED, got an immediate callback, and the director’s face was red with shock.  Great, right?  So by the next morning, I’m not sure if that’s what actually happened.  Maybe I just wanted him to call me back so badly that I changed the facts in my mind, or maybe he wasn’t shocked at all.  I did get the callback and the role, so now I know that it happened, but really, my interaction with the world is super unreliable.  I legit can think something happened that didn’t just because I believed that it happened and my low Si grasp on reality is super bad.  Another example:  I really, really, really wanted this one job, and imagined for so long that I would get it, that when I read who got the role, I legit had to read it 5 times at different times of the day because I truly believed that I had read my name.  

Also, it makes interacting with people sometimes very difficult because I honestly don’t know if I am interpreting your actions correctly, or if you really did something, because my wants and feelings towards you can actually distort my perception.  Basically, there was this one guy in my school who was legit an asshole to everyone, but I really liked him (a lot), so whenever he would do something or whatever around/to me, I wouldn’t know if that was because he liked me or if he was being an ass. Maybe that’s more of my underdeveloped Fe, which makes it hard for me to read people when I am personally attached.

So back to Si, I am very personalized and subjective. I don’t see things as they are, but rather, I interpret them however my brain forces me to.  For example, to save space, when my mind deems someone (usually a celebrity) to be unimportant or not worth spending time or space to remember, it smashes them with another person.  I mean that truthfully.  I will take two or more people, and in my mind, the same image will come up for all of their names.  Best example right now would be Angelina Jolie and Penelope Cruz.  I understand that they literally have no connection, but they are the same; not they are similar, but they are the exact same human being.  Another example: the unanimated Disney Cinderella and Into The Woods.  I spent a good two months after seeing them both thinking that Chris Pine was the prince in each, and wondering why Disney did that.  In my mind, the other guy didn’t exist.  

My view of the world is very similar to Sherlock’s, in this regard, especially with the name forgetting and such.  I am better than he tact-wise, mostly because I try to use my Fe as much as possible, but I’m terrible.  I literally spent an entire year of school not knowing my best friend’s name, and they never caught on, mostly because it just didn’t stick; I saw her a certain way, and her name kept contradicting it.  

My memory is so unreliable to the fact where I honestly have memories from my childhood that I am not sure happened or if I dreamed them up.  Even dreams, like sleep dreams, have in my mind, been thought as completely real.  Basically, what happens in my head, and my thoughts about interacting with the outside world dominate over me actually interacting with the outside world to such an extent that my thoughts overpower my experiences.  Another example: I came home after school one day and I knew my mother had cooked a steak, so I put it on a plate, got the silverware, microwaved it warm, and then placed it all down on my kitchen table, pausing to visit the bathroom.  But here’s the thing; I never did any of that in real life.  I went to the bathroom, and during that time, I imagined so vividly doing everything that when I exited the restroom, I ran around looking for my plate, checking the microwave and everywhere else.  The steak was still in the frying pan.  No, I am not and never was no drugs, and I actually am completely psychologically normal.

Basically, my Ne produced, completely imagined experiences play into this a lot.  So Se get’s to sense and live what’s happening, which is where Ne differs, because Ne creates sensations basically in their brain; but when looking back, you get the same result.  I have focused so much on the feeling of me being a successful author, running panels at comicon, bright lights, reading to adoring fans, that it has become a part of me.  When I think of those dreams, they are like memories, and separate from the moments I would have spent doing them, the memories feel as real as anything else.  Even in writing, when I focus of the layout of a building, the design, the look of the halls and everything, eventually it’s as real in my memories as the building of my elementary school. 

This became the biggest head trip thing I’ve ever written, but here, let me at least tie it all together.  Low Si doesn’t start crying when they aren’t wearing vintage or something weird like that.  It’s more like a casual occurrence in daily life that does nothing for us, mostly just helps Ne draw connections; okay, example is for some reason, Disney World. I remember casually the last time I saw a particular pair of mouse ears, and that just leads me into thinking about the past, no nostalgia involved.  The only time that we’re really nostalgic in that sense of the word, at least I’ve found, is when things are going really bad, and then I get the urge to text an old best friend who ended up stabbing me in the back, which is not a great idea.  I like when something has a connection to the past, like ‘oh that’s an old family recipe’, but I don’t get all teary eyed, it’s more like ‘oh cool, that’s nice, and it also has meaning. okay, moving on’.  It’s cool, but doesn’t affect my life at all.

Basically, thanks to Ne, this sounded super jumpy, and Si, though supposed to be about the straight and narrow, ended up sounding weird, but I guess that’s just introverted functions.  I actually had never realized how much my inferior Si plays into my life, and how so many of my 'tough spots’ come from it.  

Summary: Inferior Si is like being on drugs, not high Ne, because the function that’s supposed to keep you in touch with reality and the world basically took the weekend that is your lifetime off and went to a fiesta. 

identity, belonging, and why this is all check please’s fault

So I’ve been wanting to write a post for a while about how I kind of got sideswept and have descended rapidly into hockey hell over the past few months. I think that this has opened a door for me that I never thought could be opened. 

I mean I’m Canadian and clearly we love our hockey, like my hometown is pretty big on it, people talk about it all the time, I know so many people who have played in different capacities over the years, from rec leagues to the AHL. My family was never into it though, my lil immigrant mother has never worn a pair of ice skates in her life. So I didn’t grow up watching or knowing anything much about hockey. 

(behind a cut because this got long)

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You know while we debate about random things in Islam, our Ummah is dying. I mean it literally. Not metaphorically that you guys are being weird and fixating on random things in Islam and blowing it out of proportion which pushes people away from Islam. But literally. Our brothers and sisters all over the world are dying or being persecuted all while we turn a blind eye and go back to “dragging each other” on social media. And I’m not saying that Muslims aren’t charitable. Wallahi Muslims are probably one of THE MOST charitable people I’ve ever seen. But the way we give, it’s like I’ve given ‘x’ amount to charity, khalas I’m done now and we go back to looking the other way. During charity week 2015, we heard the stories of orphans and children around the world. When you think of donating, you have to make a choice. Who do you help? Do you help Ashraf, the 4 year old Rohingya orphan that saw his house burnt down before his eyes and spent 5 months on an overcrowded boat? Or do you help Musa, the 5 year old from Mali that lost both his parents and his grandmother couldn’t afford enough food for him and his 4 month old brother let alone education? Or do you help Rawan, the 6 year old Syrian girl that lost 6 of her family members when her house was destroyed by an airstrike? I can go on and on and on. Who do you help? You see the problem with modern day charity is that we want to feel good. We want to feel like we’ve made a difference. We want to see the change we’ve made. Some comes to you all bruised up with cuts and blood all over their body and we just stick a bandaid and think that we’ve done our bit. We fund for countries to have ambulances and things but where are the hospitals? A really good analogy that was given was that if your house is on fire, and all your friends came one by one with a cup of water and threw it on the house, it wouldn’t make a difference. Even if it was thousands of them. Whereas if everyone got their water together, it would have a greater impact. I promise you if the Ummah united, and I mean genuinely united… we wouldn’t have to choose. There are almost 2 billion Muslims on the Earth. I don’t think a lot of you appreciate what a big number that is. Today was the roundoff dinner for London. So it’s officially the end of Charity Week 2015. If you guys haven’t heard of Charity Week, I highly recommend you google it and inshallah get involved for next year. But my post isn’t about that. I’ve always hinted I wanted to do something for Muslims. If I’m honest with myself and to you guys, I don’t really have close friends in real life that would push me to get some things done. I have a lot of ideas and I have been working on a lot of things but I need your help now. This was actually my first time in taking part of Charity Week and it’s reaffirmed my belief that I can’t do this alone. We need to do this together or it will just be another handout. Just one bandaid to a bleeding body. Our brothers and sisters that are suffering throughout the world don’t need handouts. They need an Ummah that will stand with them and protect them. They need an Ummah that will not turn a blind eye to their suffering. Get involved. Wallahi do you know how I know Allah loves us? It’s SO easy for us to gain rewards. Like even if you’re not the best Muslims. You help someone and bring them up, every single person that benefits from them, you get reward from. And think about all those people they will help and that will also lead back to you. See how your supposedly insignificant act of charity has set of a chain reaction? It’s legit so easy to gain rewards subhanallah. I don’t know if any of you have actually taken part in charity week, but I’m sure you see the sufferings of Muslims in the news and if that doesn’t make you cry man… idk. So please do try get involved in Charity Week next year. To highlight the result of a united Ummah… Just the London Teams raised £435,043.42 in about 2 weeks.

As for the thing I’m working on, I don’t want to publicly say what it is. All I will say, is that it will require a lot of time, a lot of different skill sets and a lot of commitment at some stage. If you want to help (especially London/UK people), do get in touch with me inshallah. If you’ve actually read this far, thank you… I hope this reaches you all in good health inshallah.

Forgive the Rant: Just saw Scandal 4.18

If I drank more would all of this make sense?

These are just a few points that I took issue with because after so long, it no longer makes sense to keep track of it anymore. 

Seriously, though, why is  Olivia not in the show?  What is happening? Has anyone ever cataloged how many minutes she is in the show because I swear this episode seemed like 10 minutes at most?

Did we sacrifice her actually going to therapy to flesh out the Mellie for President story? (you can tell that I will never get over the fact that they put this woman through all this misery and  she didn’t even get to seek professional help to exorcise her demons. I’m still salty about that)

Here we go:

Why is  David ALWAYS Jake’s whipping post? Is this how they endeavor to prove Jake’s masculinity? Personally, I could do without both of these characters. David saying “white hat” has become like OLAKE saying “standing in the sun”; it’s grating, like nails on a chalkboard.                    

So if they knew all these EXPERT B6-13 agents and could communicate with them, why weren’t they called to help get Liv back? I mean they were so skilled in foreign countries and what not, right?

I KNOW I ASKED THIS IN SEASON 3 BUT WHY, OH WHY, ARE THEY TRYING TO TAKE DOWN B6-13 AGAIN? We did this in Season 3 and I didn’t understand it then and I don’t understand it now. Is this just so that Huck can get his family? Not to be cold, but really??? Is that it? I don’t understand this at all!

(Maybe I should’ve kept drinking)

Did I miss the part where Russell found out Olivia’s real name? Did she say it in her sleep? If so, why would  she say her own name in her sleep? And he knows all those different languages?    

How in the name of all that is holy did I become more interested in Mellie and her sister Harmony than I did with Olivia? Seriously, how did this happen? (I lowkey get why people want more Mellie, I mean look at how they are written in this show. Sorry, but that’s how the writers have presented it.)

And I’m not supposed to really believe that Mellie could win a seat in government am I? If so, then why does she not have a political platform? What is she running on? What is her stand on the issues? (I mean the issue other than the one Olivia gave her…SNORT!!)

(Just keep drinking)

Why didn’t Jake just tell everyone that he was really on their side? Why all this pretense and subterfuge? It seemed pointless and ridiculous. For real, they spent the entire episode trying to figure out Jake, when he was with them all along. WHAT??? I don’t get it!

And how many times have I asked over and over again: How am I supposed to accept these people as legit spies? I mean when you compare them to other spy TV shows and movies, doesn’t this come off as a huge farce, a laughable exercise in futility and foolishness? 

Why are we talking about B6-13 again? How did we go from a super secret spy organization that no one knows exists but protects the republic to them being CONSTANTLY featured in the story lines?? If they’re secret, I should never see them right? They should fade into the darkness right? 

Do the writers seriously not see the critics, reviewers and fans begging, pleading for them to get rid of this story line? I see it, how can they not? 

So Jake comes out of the apt across from Liv with a gun, pretty much threatening Huck and Quinn and what?? They just walk away like “it’s all good, lets go back to OPA”? They look like twiddle dee and twiddle dumb. (These people are legit spies????)

And then they all sit on the steps of one of the most popular tourists attractions and start the ‘woe is us’ speech because what? That’s what spies do? They meet out in the open and discuss spy stuff and killing people?

With all this “Kill Jake” talk, am I the only one who feels the writers were saying an “up yours” to all of the fandom who truly want Jake gone? Maybe that was just me but I felt they were plaguing me with something that would never truly happen.

Huck says “its over we lose, we can’t protect Liv.” Does this seem odd? It kind of sounded like his ‘giving up’ speech when Liv got kidnapped. Does he seem done with all this ‘protect Liv at all costs’ stuff? Or is it just me?    

Was Fitz’s speech to Harmony supposed to reflect and understanding of why Mellie treats Liv the way she does? That’s cool but I guess it would be more relevant if OLITZ had an actual existing relationship at this point. 

Why could I not summon the least amount of interest in this predictable case of the week? And was Liv’s speech to the father supposed to symbolize her self-reflection, her steps toward recovery? (I side-eye all of this! Sorry, I’m at the stage of the game where too much crap, on top of crap, on top of crap has happened to this woman to accept this as the reasonable method for her road to recovery.)

So David’s assistant is B6-13? Am I the only one who laughed at this reveal? Who is NOT B6-13? Will Liv eventually be Command?

And Jake and Liv have been listening in on phone conversations between David and Huck, etc for the purpose of what? To catch them in a lie? To expose everyone? Why? What is the purpose of all of this? Who cares? What is Jake’s purpose in all of this if eventually he was gonna go to David so they could work together? My head hurts because this all feels like staling and fluffer scripts that mean nothing and do absolutely nothing!

I really feel like the writers are talking down to me or insulting my intelligence on this show. I don’t know if that is intentionally being done, but I certainly feel like it.

And maybe I missed a lot of clarifying dialogue, maybe I’m wrong on several points listed above and I’m sure someone will let me know if I am. I did say I was drinking, right?

I know this is not my show but if I could go back in time and salvage this season I would have never, ever gone with that kidnapping plot that they couldn’t commit to, only seemed like a stall tactic, only raised more issues that they neither had the time or setting to properly address and in the end, instead of endearing your lead character and making her more sympathetic has made people dislike her more. 

I would have had Olivia “choose me”, kick Jake out and seek professional help, take care of her, rebuild her business and hire a new associate. But that’s just me.

And before anyone drags me for this post, let me clarify one thing: I AM NOT WISHING FOR THE DEMISE OF THIS SHOW. I WANT IT TO SUCCEED. I REPEAT, I WANT IT TO SUCCEED. I am still here because I care, I’m hopeful and wishful for a change in direction. But what I cannot do is accept whatever I am given and pretend it’s the best thing ever. It’s not and I really hope this time off will encourage them to re-think strategy and direction. I truly, truly do. 

Ok I’m done.