i actually made myself cry making this

You.

You hurt me. You broke me. You made me bleed more than anyone ever has. It’s funny though. When I met you it felt like our souls knew each other. It felt like they had intertwined and we were supposed to meet. It felt like I knew you from when I was little. I thought that we’d be friends forever. No matter how far apart we were, somehow I thought that we’d always know each other. I always believed in us. No matter how bad the argument or how terrible the fight got. I had hope that we’d grow old as friends and be there for each other through all the upside downs.

I told you that no matter what, I’d be there for you. You promised me the same. I told you that if you were laying awake at three a.m and you couldn’t stop thinking to call me and I’d listen to you ramble for hours and hours on end. I promised you that if you were crying I’d wipe away your tears. I promised that even if I were miles away from you I’d come back if you were hurting and needed me. I promised that nothing would ever change my mind and make me hate you, because I can’t hate you. My soul and heart won’t let me.

To me you were always going to be there. To me I thought that our promises would never die. I thought that, as long as we were both alive our promises to each other would live. You made me believe that. Actually, I made myself believe that. I didn’t want to listen to my brain or my parents. When they told me to watch out I didn’t listen. When they said that we became friends too quickly I didn’t believe them.

—  quotes-134 , you.
Reasons I am the Demogorgon

- No one likes me
- Ugly
- would let Steve Harrington hit me with a bat
- makes weird noises a lot

This week’s TM highlights:

  • Opens with a Very Dramatic nerf fight
  • “We can show someone googling themselves on the internet, right?” “Well, safe search.”
  • “First question is for Matt.” “Oh, god. Hi.”
  • Matt had Raishan’s next few rounds planned before Keyleth cast the spell.
  • If VM hadn’t gotten to Raishan when they did, Matt considered having her leave and just be out in the world, maybe reappearing in the next campaign.
  • Matt on Grog’s version of beat poetry: “You just… literally beat a poet.”
  • Raishan was Matt’s favorite Conclave member to portray because of all the non-combat interactions
  • Travis grills Liam on the Superbowl after learning he spent it at a vegan Mexican restaurant drinking a spicy margarita. Liam eventually manages to pull out the word “Patriots”.
  • “I fucked it up, god damn you, Andrew from Crit Role Stats!”
  • Vax has found his family, and it’s not Syldor. He’s not looking to get closer to his dad; to him, it’s a done deal and he’s moved on.
  • Travis: “Hahaha, I find myself hilarious.”
  • Sam shows up half an hour late. “Sorry I’m late… but it’s kind of my thing.”
  • Liam calls out Sam for making jokes about wanting one of their characters to die… and then constantly moping in the text thread in the week after Scanlan died
  • Sam’s made it through the first hour of 84 so far. “I mean, I watched the part where they were saving my life and crying about me.” He did actually get choked up over Grog’s song while he was watching it at work.
  • Liam points out that Sam is “the worst kind of foodie” and once critiqued a picture of the pancakes Liam made for his kids.
  • Sam: “I think it would be fun for one of us to die. I just don’t want it to be me!”
  • They show an extended scene from the episode (Grog’s offering) and when they cut back Travis is chin-handsing and batting his eyelashes while everyone else pretends to be asleep
  • Travis gave a lot of thought to how Scanlan’s permadeath would’ve affected Grog. “Pike and Scanlan would be the two things that would just crumble him.” He spent the whole week thinking about Grog’s contribution to the ritual and practiced what he’d say whenever he had quiet moments.
  • If it had failed, Grog might’ve tried the deck.
  • Someone asks if Vax would’ve jumped in on the ritual if Kaylie hadn’t: Liam thinks Vex is closer to Scanlan than Vax is, so if Kaylie hadn’t stepped in, much as he cares about him, Vax still likely wouldn’t have stepped in because he didn’t think Scanlan would’ve answered his call.
  • Sam had no complicated list of demands to get Scanlan back, just how he thought it could or should go
  • Travis was prepared for the possibility of losing the knuckles and the belt. “He was my friend before that.”
  • “If the beard is unattuned–” “That is an amazing sentence.”
  • Scanlan will probably rethink his approach to combat, but Sam isn’t quite sure how that’s going to shake out yet
  • Talks Machina: It’s About Scientology
  • Matt re: the ashes: “Some things are just journeys in learning to trust occasionally…”
  • Matt suggests a post-mortem Talks Machina episode on the entire Conclave arc
  • Critical Role is going to WonderCon this year
  • Grog considers himself a talented magician and the cleverest tactician (Liam: “Sometimes that’s true.”)
  • If the group had gone through Scanlan’s stuff: “It would’ve mostly been weird smut.”
  • Everyone points out that they don’t know enough in-character to feel they should do more than just keep an eye on Scanlan for now
  • Travis on Groon v2: “I’M FUCKING STOKED! …I’m really excited.”
  • Sam doesn’t know how Scanlan was left at the end of the episode, and everyone tells him to not watch the rest of the episode so he can just find out live (”…something about pudding? I saw some strange fanart that I don’t know how to…” “Don’t worry about it.”)

After Dark: the site was down again (verrrrrry glad I’m on a free trial here, because that’s two weeks in a row), but @loquaciousquark recorded all but the first few minutes of it live and sent me the video file right after it was done, because she is magical that way.

  • The armor Matt wears in the opening is the armor he wore in Mythica
  • Sam wants to recreate Hot Pepper Gaming with Liam on their podcast. Travis wants to be the live studio audience.
  • Everyone discusses their various and sundry bizarre live-action turns. Expect to see people digging up clips on all social media in the next few weeks.
  • Sam jokes about a political arc following the Chroma Conclave. “Grog could be Speaker of the House.” Brian: “Grog has a higher intelligence than the real Speaker of the House.”
  • Liam’s son ran a little D&D game for him that ended with the reveal that he was making it all up as he went, which Liam figures is pretty much how D&D is supposed to go.
  • Grog was definitely taken aback by Vax’s sincerity—when playing Grog, Travis is constantly trying to find the joke in things, and Vax’s words were so genuine that Travis got emotional and kind of shut down and had nothing to reply with, which he figures is exactly how Grog would respond.
  • Kima and Allura probably would’ve survived, just because Allura had eight hours of water-breathing at her disposal, but it would’ve taken a long time before they managed to get back home (a Gilligan’s Island-type setup).
  • Brian goes around shaking everyone’s hands, but Travis grabs him and yanks him down with him, and then the crew starts firing nerf darts at them to end the episode.
Fool;Jaehyun

Genre: extreme angst im ready to make y'all cry

Request: I’d like to request an angsty Jaehyun scenario where he starts dating you bc of a bet he made with his friends and you find out and breakup with him but he actually truly loves you. Sorry if this was confusing.

A/N: okay so i used fool by winner for this scenario because it’s one of my favourite songs and it fits this scenario perfectly so!! and this is quite long and im proud of myself for writing this so i hope y'all like it too!

——

I was a fool

Nothing is gonna change

Even if I’m sorry now

I know

He hesitantly looked at you, remorse and sorrow filling his eyes. Your cold and intense gaze was set on the book you were holding in your hand, as you tried to ignore his presence.

But a part of you wanted to be back in his arms- even after 4 months.

You miss him.

And you loved him.

Out of all places, you had to coincidentally meet him at the small little cafe down the street.

It’s not like he had not been clinging on to you and trying to win you back for the past few months.

But you resisted.

You didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t love you as much as you did.

“Y/N… Um.. How are you?” he asked in a soft tone.

You ignored him and flipped the page of your book.

He sighed, then bit his lips. But not giving up, hs asked again, “Are you busy these days? You haven’t been replying my calls or texts”

Your heart ached a little.

But you pressed on.

You ignored his words again, your eyes fully focused on the words on the page.

Jaehyun ran his fingers through his hair, then took your hand in his. You tried pulling away, but he held it tightly, and you could see clearly the eyebags that formed under his eyes and amount of weight he loss as you struggled to pull away.

“What are you trying to do right now?” you asked him sternly, keeping a straight face.

He flinched a little, then sighed, and you saw his eyes becoming teary. “I’m really sorry, i only just realised how much you mean to me and i know i shouldn’t have done it but i really do love you and-”

“It’s already over anyways, is there still a point in saying all these?” you cut him off, a look of frustration on your face.

He bit his lips again, “I just really hope you can forgive me and i just… really love you”

You shook your head and scoffed, “If you really did you should have put in more effort, but you didn’t. It’s too late Jaehyun, you need to let everything go”

You grabbed your book and bag, the shot him one last glance, “If i can, then you can too”

But in fact, you couldn’t, and didn’t.

But you had to lie and convince yourself.

Jaehyun sat back in dejection on the back of the seat, his tears rolling down his cheek.

He knew it was going to turn out this way.

He took in a deep breath as his hands rubbed lightly against the screen of his phone, where a picture of the both of you shone brightly.

He misses you.

If only he didn’t do it

——

Stupid bastard, foolish bastard

I know now that it’s all my fault

Jaehyun had his arms all around you, as he lazily gave you a peck on your forehead. You giggled softly to yourself. His chin was resting on your head, as he used his phone, humming in response to your words.

“How cute would it be if we stay together till we die?” you asked innocently, your fingers in his soft locks, as you admired his beautiful skin and features from below.

He let out a small laugh, his dimple showing evidently. “That would be very cute” he replied with almost no sincerity, but you ignored it anyways, since all you cared about was being with him.

He made you happy.

Never did you think that you’d be together with him, considering the fact that the both of you had total opposite personalities and interests.

One fine day he started hitting you up and talking to you at the library, the place you like to go to.

And all his friends were so supportive of his actions, it seemed to you like his feelings was sincere.

After two long months of getting to know each other even more, you realised you had already fallen for him.

Only he had the power to make you happy.

Small dates at cafes and carnivals led to lazy cuddling and movie marathons at each others’ house.

And it was not until when you realised Jaehyun’s lips was on yours, his hands under your as your legs wrapped around his lean body, that you realised the both of you were madly in love with each other.

At least you thought so.

Until that one day you heard everything, which left you in devastation and pure agony. But you said nothing about it, because you loved him too much.

You were helping him to fold his clothes and laundry at his house, waiting for him to come back from his short meeting with his friends.

At the side of your eye, you caught a glimpse of a family leather black wallet sitting on his bed top, and it occured to you that he had forgotton to bring his wallet- which had almost everything he needed inside.

He didn’t pick up your call.

You remember him telling you the name of the restaurant they were going to meet up at, and knew that it wasn’t far away from his place.

In hopes that he’d smile and and thank you upon seeing how you made your way down to pass him his wallet, you were faced by another sight.

“So… How’s she? Dude i didn’t know you could last more than 3 months, are you starting to have feelings for her?” the brown-haired man asked Jaehyun with a big smile, hitting your boyfriend’s back lightly.

“Honestly not yet? But she’s really nice and sweet though, do you think it’s right to do this?” Jaehyun asked, then shook his head.

Was ‘she’ referring to you? What was happening?

You frowned as you stayed well hidden, as you pressed on to continue listening.

Another man spoke up, patting Jaehyun’s head, “Who was the one who was so hard up on this bet three months ago? Don’t regret your decisions Jae”

“You’re right Johnny”

“Oh, someone even set her as your lockscreen, you sure you don’t have feelings for her?”

You saw Jaehyun blush a little, but kept his cool and scoffed a little, “I have to let her know i love her right?”

You knew that his lockscreen was you.

He had taken it while you were doing your work.

“You look cute”

You wanted to break down so badly.

So all of these had been a lie?

You wanted to confront him, and you had many questions.

But you couldn’t do or say anything.

Something was pulling you back.

You didn’t want to lose him.

So you acted like you didn’t know anything.

You lied to yourself and told yourself he would at least have the slightest feelings for you.

If not, why was he able to give you a big warm hug and a long kiss everyday without fail? Why would give you small little compliments and pecks on the cheeks after, and blush everytime you called him cute?

——

I’m selfish, I’ve always been

I only think about myself

I think I’m crazy

The person who pushed you away is me

After the 6th month, he became to grew distant.

Skinships became lesser and he spoke to you even lesser now.

It was as though he wasn’t interested at all.

And you knew why.

You engulfed him a big and tight hug in your arms as soon as he stepped into the house, but his arms didn’t wrap around yours like they used to, his head simply just resting on yours.

You tried to ignore the aching pain in your chest, the one you had been feeling for the past two months.

At least seeing him everyday made you happy.

But it killed you internally too.

“How was work?” you asked lovingly, your hands making their way to his. He moved slightly away, and you looked at him as your heart sank.

He replied with almost no emotion, “It was fine”

His eyes were glued to the television screen, and he didn’t look at you even once, as compared to when he would always stare at you with those doe-like eyes, lighting up as you smile.

“Had a bad day? Or..? Can i do anything to make it better-”

“No, thanks”

You couldn’t deal with this anymore.

A rush of anger ran up your body as you threw the pillow on the floor, as you watched Jaehyun stare at you in confusion.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Can you at least show me that you care for me? Jaehyun i’m already suffocating and hurting on my own everyday, can you please make it better for me?”

Jaehyun scoffed, and he gave you the most intense glare he had ever, “What do you mean? Why are you pushing everything to me right now?”

You bit your lower lip as you rolled your eyes, “You know best Jaehyun. Here i am trying my best every single day for you, hoping that you’d share the same feelings i have for you but your actions right now clearly shows it isn’t working.”

“I’m just tired, of course i love you, what do you mean by 'share the same feelings’?”

You scoffed, “The bet. I know everything, stop pretending.”

His eyes widened, “Y-You knew…? How did you-”

“I’m done with this bullshit Jaehyun. I hope you had fun on this bet while i was here suffering alone for 6 months, being fooled by you and your bunch of oh-so-great friends for dating me, thinking that you actually had genuine feelings.”

And with that, you walked out of the house, and never once looked back.

You needed to let go.

——

If I can see you once more

A last glimpse of you even for a short moment

But Jaehyun only got worst.

The night after he found himself missing your presence, the familiar and comforting hold around his body as you would wrap yourself tightly around his body.

The day after that he found himself staring and looking at all photographs and pictures of the both of you, as he’d smile and laugh, reminiscing all the memories of the both of you. But would start tearing up and crying unknowingly when he realises what he had done.

He found himself texting and calling you constantly, trying his best to apologise and make it up to you.

He realised how happy he was throughout the months he was with you.

And he realised that unknowingly, he had started to have genuine feelings for you.

He loves you.

You found his waiting at your doorstep one day, his arms behind his back, head hanging down as he waited patiently for you.

“Y/N… I-”

But you walked past him and unlocked the door to your house, and without saying anything, you slammed the door in front of him.

You heard his breath fasten a little, and you heard his soft and small little cries, but still tried to say a few words to you,

“I really do love you and i’m sorry, i know it’s hard but please give me a chance?”

Upon these words, you broke down as you fell weakly onto the floor, pulling your legs closer to your body.

You wanted to forgive him, but at the same time, you wanted to forget him.

It was too much for you to handle.

You’re radiating and you go far far away

I try to feel the scattered memories

I miss you every every day

Yes I know I’m late

Come back to me like nothing ever happened

Jaehyun grabbed onto the piece of cloth in front of him and brought it up close to his face, as the comforting and warmth scent of you caused his tears to roll down again.

It was the only piece of you he had left.

“I’ll be leaving for a few years, don’t bother finding me anymore. Please let go”

He clenched his heart tightly as the last few words from you rang through his mind, as he took even bigger breaths as his crying got worst- he was a mess right now.

“Jaehyun.. Please call us when you see this, we’re all worried… and sorry”- taeyong hyung

Jaehyun felt a pain in his chest, as he let out a frustrated yell, then threw punch to the wall beside him.

He hated himself.

Why didn’t he cherish you while he could?

He threw another punch, and soon enough, his knuckles and hands were filled with scratches and cuts, as small bits of blood started to be more visible.

He didn’t care.

The pain in his heart hurt more tham anything else.

He wished everything was back to before.

He wished he hadn’t done anything at all.

He wished he could turn back time and make up to you.

He regretted everything.

And it was already too late to realise that he genuinely loves you,

because you were already gone.

You are such a fool, Jaehyun.

anonymous asked:

I saw your post "Reblog please" whine and complain and that is one of the reasons why I don't Reblog art often. As an artist myself I hate when others are just crying because nobody Reblog art here. Tumblr is not site about making art. And most people don't like random things in their dash. And when you say things like "no like, Reblog!" You scare people away. Like a baby lying on the store floor crying for candy. No.

I believe you’re talking about a post I made a couple of years ago…


A few quick things:

1. I’m literally not asking people to like/reblog with the doodle. At all

2. I drew a crappy thing that actually happened to me and that crappy thing got popular. Ironic.

3.  …You came into my inbox to whine and complain about this. 

4. Tumblr isn’t about other people catering to you. 

New ref for horse mom~ 

Been desperately wanting a new cutie mark and I’m beside myself over this one made by @sirenibe ?? It’s seriously so perfect for me I actually wanna cry every time I see it pffbt, I tweaked my ponysona’s design to match it a little more and to reflect my shift towards liking purple a lot while still making her look like me so she doesn’t become her own oc pffbt

Here’s a angsty fun concept that I use to make myself cry came up with:

Mipha wanted to be sure Link would accept her proposal before she went through the trouble of crafting the Zora Armor, since it would suck to do all that and then be turned down, so she had actually already asked him to marry her.

The engagement wouldn’t be made official until she presented him with the armor, so only the two of them and King Dorephan were aware of the arrangement, but, by technicality, Link and Mipha were already engaged when Calamity Ganon attacked.

2
rosey225 replied to your photoset “A rambly comic about Echo’s initial recovery, fueled by too many…”

This is utterly gorgeous! I’m crying…why do you do this?!

Thank you! ;u; I did it as a response to myself, actually. At first I just I doodled this lil’ thing

as sort of a pot-shot at myself. I like making Echo the peppy one, but it was starting to feel like I was making him too cheerful. I’ve made him get annoyed and sarcastic, but usually just for humor. And he never got sad. But everyone needs to be sad sometimes. I want Echo’s chipper optimism to be a part of his genuine nature, not just a show he puts on to make people think he’s okay. But for that to ring true, he needs to also display being not okay sometimes. Am I making any sense? >A>;

Meanwhile, I also really liked the idea of giving Fives a chance to be sincere and gentle, since I feel like I overuse the “jokester who’s always ready to throw down” trope on him. 

anonymous asked:

i actually cried when the leafs lost and i felt so silly but it was both out of sadness and proudness because these kids made it So Far!!! but they ended up losing and i'm still crying i haven't stopped?? sos how do i stop

They did make it far (farther than anyone thought) and I am SO proud of them…. You should be too… I can’t help you stop crying though… having a tough time of that myself… but just know that this is literally just the beginning… Next season will be LIT

anonymous asked:

I honestly love when you post. Especially if it's a text post. Because I always love hearing what you have to say even if it's some random thing you thought of. I also love when you post videos on YouTube. I've been subscribed for a while now and I literally freak out when I get a notification saying you've posted. I always like what you post on there and here quite frankly. One time I even commented on youtube and you replied. You literally made my month. Anyways thank you for your existence.

I’m honestly crying right now. I really, really appreciate this post so fucking much. I never think of myself as particularly significant or making any kind of impression on anyone other than Wynter so to hear that there are people like you who think of me fondly and actually care enough to acknowledge my shitposting is so surreal and just. Thank you for taking the time to send me this.

My grandmother passed away two days ago, and I’ve been trying to prepare myself for her funeral tomorrow so I’ve kind of been shutting myself away from social contact outside of work, and this honestly made me feel so much better. I love you guys so much. Sorry this is so repetitive, but I appreciate this so much, and I honestly wish I could just give you a big hug, dude

Yuri!!! On Ice: Hogwarts Houses

so this is gonna be my first bigger description of the Yuri On Ice characters and I hope this is gonna turn out good.

So, recently I had a dream where Viktor and Yuuri were in a Harry Potter setting (which you can read here) and in there Yuuri was in Slytherin and Viktor in Ravenclaw and since then I can’t stop thinking about which character would be in which house. The purpose of this post is me trying to place the characters in Hogwarts houses based on their personality (and probably how I view them) and this post will include other skaters too, not just them.

To avoid any confusion, I’ll use Yuuri Katsuki’s name with two ‘u’ and Yuri Plisetsky’s with one.

Keep reading

8

Thank you, Clara Oswald. Thank you for helping me get through some of the hardest times in my life. Thank you for making me laugh, making me cry, continuously inspiring me, for helping me realize that it’s okay to be afraid. Thank you for helping me understand that we are all flawed and that that doesn’t mean we are bad people. Thank you for making me want to be more strong and for making me believe in myself. Thank you for everything. Never has a fictional character made such an impact on my life. I will never ever forget you.

lol i’m editing my titanic movie discussion video.. i’ve made it to my interpretation of the flying scene – and me talking over footage from the film to support my case is actually making me cry???? i’m making myself cry rn this is weird 😂😂😂 u can like, hear the passion in my voice lololol hopefully ya’ll find this video as emotional as i do apparently haha

Tomorrow, I will be 2 weeks sober.  I haven’t gone this long since probably my junior year in high school.  Even though my addiction to intravenous heroin is fairly new, its always been something with me.  It started off with Xanax and K-pins, then to that mixture I added adderall, vicodin and valium and lorezepam, then as I began to experiment with drugs I realized that anti depressants/anti anxiety medication wasn’t my favorite anymore.  I started my opiate addiction with 5mg percs, then I began snorting them and upped my dose little by little.  Then I went to college and began smoking 30′s and popping xanax and adderall on the regular.  Then I revisited an old friend of mine, heroin.  I had tried it in high school once, and it gave me such a good feeling I was afraid to use it again.  I had only snorted it in high school and when I began using it again in college I promised myself I would only snort it (or sometimes smoke it) and that I would NEVER shoot it… But then smoking 3 30′s made me feel only a little bit okay, and snorting a couple bags only barely took the pain away.. then I shot it once just to try it and then…. Now I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and put them back together.  I screwed up my entire freshman year of college, lost all of my ambition, almost died twice, lost 35 pounds, turned into a zombie, I lost all of my feelings for people who cared about me, I stopped eating because everything I ate would end up getting thrown up anyway.. the heroin put me in so many bad situations too… I was almost raped in an alley, ive been robbed numerous times and by people I thought were my “friends”.  I started becoming shady myself.  To keep up with my habits I had to middleman dope and I would upcharge junkies that I knew would pay the price..  I helped my dealer rob another dealer… we stole 10 bricks and I accepted only 2 and a half bricks for helping.. which is still a lot of dope but still.. I did most of the work and settling for less than half was okay to me.. thats not right?  I didn’t even think twice about it.  Once I got my cut I sold about 2 grams and the rest went into my veins eventually… I held onto my stash like it was my prized possession.. I kept that much heroin in my dorm room!  What the fuck was I thinking???  Then a week before the end of the semester I realized that I had to go home and see my parents and I looked in the mirror and just started balling because I knew they would know… I mean how could they not?  I was pale as a ghost, had the biggest dark circles, my arms were COVERED in track marks and they’re still not healed, I was weak, skinny, my hair had become thin, I just looked like I had no life left in me.  When I first tried heroin I thought I was going to do it on the side just to keep myself happy and comfortable and for a while I did, I somehow kept a balance, but without even realizing it, I mean it just snuck up on me.. I let myself go.  I drowned in my sorrows and let my lack of self esteem take me away and I became the one thing I said I never would be.  Ever since I was 12, when I first started smoking weed I was always told that my actions were a gateway to horrible things.  Of course I would laugh and say “pshhh Im okay!  I would never do heroin thats stupid!” and “Crack? wtf why would I do that?”  Then the next thing I knew I was sitting in a basement with a group of junkies shooting up half a gram of heroin just so that I could go to the atm to pull out money for more dope.  I needed that much to get off the couch… and before I left my friend passed me the pipe and said “while youre out grab some foil.”


Addiction is real.  Its not something anyone wishes for or tries to acquire.  It can sneak up on you and take over you real quick and before you realize it has you, you’ll have no money, no good people left in your life, and you’ll NEVER notice how much you changed as a person.  I gave up my potential and dreams to escape through a temporary buzz.  Growing up I had always surrounded myself with the wrong people and usually it would bite me in the ass and I would learn my lesson but damn i was convinced that heroin was my best friend…. I mean when I met heroin it was love at first sight..I had experimented with many drugs and I had never come across one that made me feel so good.  I thought Perc 30′s were my one true love but the high had nothing on the high I got from shooting heroin.  The step from 30′s to heroin was the biggest leap I ever made.  It was like I jumped off a bridge.  30′s took all of my money and turned me into a hard opiate addict but they never almost killed me or put me in bad situations.. I mean I was so high on heroin going out to pick up whippits that I almost got raped in an alley and I didn’t have the energy to defend myself, thank god someone just happened to be walking that way and the guy got up and ran.. The experience destroyed me and I went to my friends house that night and shot 6 bags of dope and fell out and almost died. By then that was my second experience with falling out.  My first time was from accidentally smoking too much heroin that turned out to be fentanyl.  When I almost died the second time, I woke up and I didn’t care… I smoked a little crack and woke up and shot another couple bags…. thinking about it now I can’t believe it.. I just can’t… my daily life was: wake up, snort a couple bags, go to class, eat a snack, shoot in the bathroom before my next class (if i didn’t have enough I would skip and go out and find enough), throw up (usually happened randomly throughout the day), go to class and nod out and embarrass myself because I looked like such a junkie sitting there barely conscious, do a bit of homework, make moves to score some dope, shoot up my first big score, go to my dealers house (she wanted to bang me so she usually gave me a couple bags for free), shoot that and chill for a bit, smoke some weed, smoke some crack, maybe pop a xanax bar, go on rides with my dealer and all along the way snort bags off the back of my phone, eat something, throw that up, stumble to my friend’s house where me and my 2 “bestfriends” would spend our time smoking stupid amounts of weed, smoking 30′s, shooting smoking and snorting dope, and from there I would middleman more dope for my dealer and I would just shoot my profits all night and then eventually pass out just to wake up the next day and start all over.  Weekends were the worst… I would pull all nighters and just get high constantly and I thought that was normal… I mean everyone else was out drinking and partying so same thing right?  I lost all common sense.  This junkie lifestyle became normal to me.  It became all I knew and all I wanted.  I cut out friends that were actually positive and had their shit together.  Then I would cry and wonder why I was so lonely.  By doing drugs, I only made myself physically feel better but only temporarily and I spent the rest of my time either thinking about drugs or I was trying to get more drugs.  Drugs never fixed any of my problems like I thought they did.  I thought I was “self medicating”.  I thought I was helping myself.  All I did was make my life worse and I almost killed myself and not even on purpose!


So if any of you out there are struggling with addiction and you feel like you have no one to talk to, no one to talk to that will understand or won’t judge you, please feel free to message me.  I needed someone to talk to through all of that and I had no one.  I couldn’t even talk to my old friends because I was embarrassed of my habits and I knew they wouldn’t understand anyway.  


I’m an addict too and I’m trying to fix myself.  I haven’t made it that far yet but I’m trying and I’m willing to talk to anyone who needs it so please don’t hesitate! I’m right here with you and we can get through this together! One step at a time.

8

Stranger Things appreciation week // day seven » favorite place

Mike’s basement

See, I was thinking, once all this is over and Will’s back and you’re not a secret anymore, my parents can get you an actual bed for the basement. Or you can take my room if you want, since I’m down there all the time anyways.

zeldaismyhomegirl  asked:

I remember starting reading Bell Toll when there were only 2 chaps and I just knew. I knew it would make me feel, & that's what I love about it. I'm the kind of person who hoards & binges fics, so I deprived myself of updates after chapter five until I really needed to actually feel something (if that makes sense???) and I had a long week, and I felt numb, and I saw the new update, reread from the start & inhaled 5 new chapters sobbing uncontrollably & god it made me feel again so thank you <3

oh my gosh that’s so good to hear! i totally feel that, sometimes i just wanna cry about someone else’s problems (aka rewatch deathnote and hope that L won’t die. spoiler: he does. every single time 3: ) i bawl my eyes out writing it but as soon as i hit post im like ‘yeahhhhh that’ll fuckn destroy them >:3c but the next chap will be lighter, we all need a break. thanks so much again, like im over here all uwu 

a/n: the amount of schmoop in this fic is making me nauseous

“Hey guys, it’s Tony,” Tony greeted the camera with a wave. “Today I’m joined by a very special guest-” 

Steve laughed from behind the couch Tony was sitting on, making Tony throw his hands up frustratedly, yelling, “Oh my god, this is the 6th take, Steve!” 

Steve appeared from behind the couch in a fit of giggles. “I’m sorry, I just can’t-, ” he said before he was full on laughing again. 

Tony sighed, pretending to be annoyed despite the huge grin on his face. “Just, come here, you big dork.” 

Steve immediately moved to sit next to him, his hand wrapping around Tony’s trim waist, pulling him even closer. “Hi, guys.”  

Tony rolled his eyes, gesturing to Steve. “So, if you didn’t know, this is my boyfriend, Steve, or better known as The Captain here on Youtube. Today we’re going to do something all of you guys have been asking for a long, long, time, even before we even got together actually,” 

Steve chuckled. “We’re going to do the boyfriend tag.” 

“Happy?” Tony asked to the camera. “Now, to be honest, the questions on the boyfriend tag are overrated-

“They’re not really overrated-” 

“But they are questions that are frequently asked,” 

“And quite important to our love arc,” Steve said, nuzzling his nose on Tony’s shoulder and Tony hands went up to play with his hair. 

“Cheesy, but I agree. So let’s begin!” Tony clasped his hand together. “Where did we first meet?” 

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