i actually did not mean that pun but it came out anyways

anonymous asked:

RFA+Saeran go prom shopping with their daughter

Aww, this is cute! Here you go~


  • His daughter really didn’t want him to come
  • But he insisted
  • He spent the whole time on the way there lecturing her about how men are beasts
  • You distracted Zen while your daughter picked out what she wanted
  • Your daughter is in the dressing room by the time he finishes choosing a few dresses
  • The dress she’s wearing when you get there is a long flowy dress
  • Zen disapproves immediately
  • “But, Dad, it’s a nice event! I barely get to wear something like this.”
  • “You can look nice and wear long sleeves.”
  • He makes her try all the dresses he picked…which are overly conservative
  • Meanwhile, you find some other dresses that your daughter might actually like
  • There’s one that’s a decent length and with good coverage, but bare shoulders
  • Zen is upset until you remind him how similar it is to the one you wore to the first RFA party
  • He compromises and tries to make his daughter wear a grandma cardigan
  • She has to leave the house with it on, but you feel bad
  • “Remember, if it gets too warm in the room, you can always take it off,” you add with a wink
  • She’s so grateful to you


  • He’d been so busy at work, you two had barely seen him
  • When your daughter asks him to tag along for prom shopping, he’s so touched
  • He tries to pick out a few dresses though he has no idea what’s fashionable at the moment
  • You both subtly turn them down and tell him to wait outside the dressing room
  • He is so excited for every dress his daughter tries on
  • Claps every time she exits the room with a new dress
  • Swears every dress is the one
  • Just thinks she looks good in everything
  • “Yes! This is the one! This is it! Beautiful!”
  • “Dad…I haven’t changed into a new dress yet.”
  • “Oh…So this is definitely the one.”
  • He points out something good on all of the dresses
  • Poor guy gets tired after two hours
  • He excuses himself and when he gets back he has food for all of you
  • Once he’s energized, he’s ready for more cheering


  • Flustered when her daughter asks for help
  • Jaehee never went to prom herself, so she’s a bit nervous
  • When she sees all the dresses, she switches to office mode
  • She’s been to enough fancy office parties while working under Jumin
  • She has an entire selection ready for her daughter
  • It also helped that she knew her daughter’s exact taste
  • She does dressing room runs so her daughter doesn’t have to leave the room
  • She’s very blunt in her opinions though
  • “That really doesn’t flatter your shape, hon.” 
  • Categorizes the dresses into a rejected pile, maybe pile, and on the higher probability side
  • Still, her daughter didn’t seem happy with anything
  • Finally, her daughter shows her a picture online of a dress she hoped to find
  • Jaehee dismissed herself and came back a few minutes later
  • It wasn’t the exact dress, but it fit her perfectly


  • His daughter originally didn’t want to say anything
  • She felt bad knowing her father would put down everything for the perfect dress for her
  • Instead, she insists she just go shopping normally to find one, but she doesn’t protest to Jumin and you coming along
  • Unfortunately, nothing quite felt right
  • There were pieces of each dress she liked, but others that made her look odd
  • You noticed Jumin taking notes on his phone for something, but didn’t know what
  • Jumin had noted everything his daughter seemed to like
  • He gave the notes and the exact measurement to a designer
  • They put them all together to make a long, elegant, flowy dress
  • Nothing too flashy and perfectly elegant
  • He gifts it to her and she absolutely loves it
  • As one last gift, he gives her a simple necklace with her initials on the night of the prom
  • He was so happy to send her off when there was a knock at the door
  • “Who is your date anyway?”
  • He opens the door to find Zen’s son standing there with a corsage
  • Jumin shuts the door
  • You have to intervene


  • She agreed to let him come if he didn’t pick out any dresses
  • He tended to pick out really….really bright colors
  • He agreed and sat patiently by the dressing room as you two found some dresses
  • He gets bored waiting, so he writes numbers 1-10 on pieces of papers
  • When you start trying them on, he lifts certain ratings for each
  • He’s pretty chill about most of the dresses
  • But then she walks out with a dress that has a slit on the side, exposing part of her leg
  • “Unless you’re planning on wearing jeans under that dress, I think the Feliz Navi-NOT.”
  • He makes enough puns in Korean, does he need to use all 17 languages?
  • You knew she found the right dress when he starts to get emotional at how much his baby has grown up
  • He’s not that worried about the date
  • Because unbeknownst to his daughter, he did a full background check on him
  • Also because he’s escorting them
  • He does have a selection of cool cars…who needs a limo?


  • He thought it was more of a mother-daughter thing to do
  • So he was kind of hesitant to come along
  • He actually has a really good taste in dresses
  • He picks out several that are simple yet elegant
  • He’s very detailed when it comes to observing each dress
  • There was one where she thought it was the one and he found the smallest stain
  • He has a hard time reigning in his facial expressions with others though
  • The people next to you guys picked up a really ugly dress
  • He gave them a really odd look and keeps glancing back at them before they awkwardly put it down
  • Saeran please stop
  • When she comes out in this one dress, he collects his things and starts leaving
  • When you ask where he’s going, he looks at his daughter and says, “That’s the one. I’ll go start the car.”
  • He really doesn’t have to have a word with her date
  • Since he’s already scared
  • Saeran didn’t mean it…he just has a really scary resting face 

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

Absolutely Smitten (I’ll Never Let You Go)

Summary: In which Dan is a much-adored primary school music teacher, and Phil is just the science teacher who can’t keep his mind off of him. But when the students notice and try to get in on the action, will Phil finally work up the courage to ask Dan out? Based on this prompt from Phanfic.

Word Count: 4k

Genre: Fluff

Extra tags: Getting together, teacher AU, pure fluff

Warnings: none

Read on ao3

A/N: As an elementary education major currently in my second year of college, I immediately knew this prompt was absolutely perfect for me and there was no way I couldn’t write this. I mean, come on, wouldn’t they just make the perfect teachers? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!

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Summary: Dan is worried that his social anxiety is going to mess up his job interview, but that becomes the least of his problems when he gets his vibrator stuck up his butt the night before.

Warnings: smut, unsafe anal practice, vomit, hospitals, puns

Word count: 10k

A/N: This is a weird little idea I had one morning about Dan getting a vibrator stuck up his bum, then I somehow managed to fill it with chicken/egg puns. Enjoy! (It was a hard decision whether to post this or another fic, but I decided you guys deserve the long one as I haven’t posted in over two weeks)

Dan was nervous for his job interview. He was as prepared as he could be: he’d thought about all the questions he might be asked and how he would answer them. He’d even made notes about the company in case he was expected to have any background knowledge.

Still, he couldn’t relax. Dan had tried a few things to help him relax: a warm bath, some relaxing music, a cup of tea and a good book… but nothing seemed to be doing the trick.

Dan only had one idea left, and laying back on his bed, he decided to give it a shot. He needed an orgasm, a moment of bliss, with the relaxed exhaustion that followed. He wasn’t just going to aim for a standard, hand job on the penis, kind of orgasm through. He’d been experimenting with anal play recently, having achieved a prostate orgasm a few times with his fingers, and more recently, with a new toy. He wasn’t an expert on the world of sex toys and vibrators, so he thought he’d start out small. He’d purchased this little egg shaped vibrator, not wanting to get anything he couldn’t cope with and so far, it had been amazing.

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Oblivious to the Obvious [Poe Dameron x Reader]

Summary: Poe has had a crush on the reader for ages, and asks Finn for his advice, which leads him to make several very sudden decisions.

Word Count: 6000+

Warnings: Moderate to Severe Accidental Injury

It wasn’t like Poe was looking for excuses to get to maintenance. (Well, once, he had sped up the disrepair of his com link just a little bit.) Otherwise, all eight visits to the maintenance wing over the past month were for completely legitimate reasons. It was as if his X-wing somehow knew that there was a wonderful girl at the reception desk and kept falling apart just so he could see her. This time, it was the navigation system that had decided to give out. System in hand, he walked to the to the desk where Y/N spun around in her chair until she saw him.

“Oh! Hi, Poe!” she greeted with her bright, heart-stopping smile. She was looking awfully cute with safety goggles rested on the top of her head, pulling her hair back. She had a smudge of grease on her cheek that she probably didn’t even realize was there, and her eyes were lit up as they usually were with a playful spark.

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@wacheypena - happy birthday, and I hope you feel better! Have some crackfic coldflash.

Ao3 link


“You’re going to what?” Len says incredulously. His incredulous voice is very, very flat.

Barry winces.

“I’m going to throw you and your paramour to your doom –” the guy starts.

“No, no, skip that part,” Len says. “Especially the bit about the paramour, no one says that anymore. Get to the part about the birds.”

“Your doom will come at the hands of –”

“Beaks of,” Len says, because he can’t help himself that way.

Barry bangs his head against the wall of the cell. It’s fine, it’ll heal.

“- at the beaks of my beloved feathery friends, my attack birds –”

“You trained attack birds as your gimmick,” Len says. “Consider your application to the Rogues preemptively denied.”

“Must you taunt the supervillain?” Barry asks hopelessly.

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Three is Better Than Two

@larvesta Hope that you had a wonderful birthday! I really love all of the amazing art that you create, and I especially appreciate how you create such soft and sweet images with the rarest pairs. Thank you for being such a lovely part of the ML fandom.

This fic was inspired by your piece here!

AO3 Link

Each start of the new year began just like this. Marinette would wake up, close her eyes, and hope. The first day of school meant new students and new chances to meet her soulmate. Plus, it also meant a chance to finally have a class without Chloe Bourgeois. At this point, she wasn’t sure which would be better.

By the end of the day, she not only hadn’t found her soulmate, but she was also still in Chloe’s class. On the bright side, she’d made a new friend who was willing to stand up to Chloe, and instead of a soulmate, she’d gotten a kwami and the chance to be a hero.

Still, Marinette stared down at her wrist and frowned, rubbing her thumb over the bare skin, wishing as she always did, that tomorrow would be the day she’d gain a mark.

Marinette knew it was dangerous to fall in love with someone who wasn’t her soulmate. Despite the sparks between her and Adrien when he handed her his umbrella, there was no mistaking the blank wrists after their fingers brushed across each other. He wasn’t her soulmate. She had to accept that.

That didn’t stop her from tripping over her words and her own two feet every time she got close to him. That didn’t mean she didn’t silently daydream about him during class, wondering what his soulmate mark would look like. That didn’t keep her from imagining a lovely golden sun blooming over her wrist and wishing for the impossible.

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anonymous asked:

Come on, sasuke tried to kill sakura multiple times without hesitation and you mean to tell me he loves her?Someone he actually thought/cared about was naruto, he displayed more emotion around naruto than her. Naruto was such a big influence on him while sakura was just 'there'.He consistently turned her feeling down and he never really showed her feelings. Wtf how can you be pro sasuke and ship him with someone he doesn't even like-_- sasuke and naruto and sasuke even kissed! FUCKIN BRAIN DEAD

I genuinely want to know. Did you come here to get dragged? because these kinds of ignorant statements aren’t really helping your CLEAR ASS BIAS FOR SASUNARU. Alright then without further ado …lets get in this bitch.

“Come on, sasuke tried to kill sakura multiple times without hesitation and you mean to tell me he loves her?”

Your absolutely right he did try to kill her! He was also was out of FuCkINg MiND HUN. Do you even remember all the shit he went through? He single-handled (no pun intended) held the burden of the Uchiha on his shoulders. He was literally willing to go to any lengths necessary to achieve his ultimate goal. Even kill someone he thought of as family. Remember, he thought of team 7 as family because it reminded him of his lost past. I really can’t believe I have to explain this to you.

If your gonna bring up how he tried to kill sakura I thought you might like to see this..

They didn’t loose they damn arm from pickin daises lemme tell you. And for the record, Sasuke tried to kill Naruto many times lol. Or did you think he was trying to invite him in his pants or something? The world may never know!

“Someone he actually thought/cared about was naruto, he displayed more emotion around naruto than her.”

You are not wrong again! Sasuke did think/care about him! But the way you’re talking about….I’m just gonna assume you mean romantically. Naruto was so persistent in getting his best friend back and making sure he stopped Sasuke’s path of hatred and loneliness. And when it came down to it, Sasuke really acknowledged, and appreciated his efforts IN THE END. This led him to accept his efforts of stopping him on his cursed path and giving in. He accepted him as a friend, a.k.a brother-from-another-mother. GOD I LOVE THESE TWO. Anyway, the main story’s bond was always about Sasuke and Naruto, so of coarse you will see more interaction with them. Does it surprise you that Sasuke showed lots of emotion towards someone who he can LITERALLY sympathize with? 

Anyway for a man that is the embodiment of ‘actions speak louder than words’  Please explain to me that these pieces of art don’t show that he feels any type of emotion towards her…even just a little?. Come on I’d love to hear it.

This one being my personal favorite, because he only did this to his loved ones and it’s meant to show his affection towards the other. 

“Naruto was such a big influence on him while sakura was just ‘there’.”

Once again you are correct naruto was a big influence to him, but so was Sakura. Kishi stated that she filled his lonely existence with love, are you really going to argue that? If you are trying to say Sakura did absolutely nothing to try and stop Sasuke on his path of hatred, Imma gonna stop you right there and tell you to read the damn manga again. Why the fuck you think she went after him so many times? Sasuke always knew her intentions, he knew she deeply loved and cared about him. HE ACCEPTED THAT. But due to the curse of hatred and thirst for revenge, he was far to gone to acutely change at the drop a confession. You have to remember that the protagonist, Naruto, is the miracle worker who is utterly relentless when it comes to stopping ‘bad guys’ and changing their ways. But that doesn’t mean Sakura wasn’t as well, she tried with all her power to stop him. But of coarse the protagonist was the one to knock him out of his funky ass stage in life. It was to be expected after all. 

Please acknowledge that she did everything she could, and that she was strong enough to even dare to stop a criminal who was seen as a lost cause by pretty much everyone.

“He consistently turned her feeling down and he never really showed her feelings”

Like I stated before, he has always acknowledged her true intentions/confessions but he was in his ‘’funky ass stage in life” to acutely stop his extremest ideas of taking down the hierarchy in revenge for his family. Sasuke knew she was trying to stop him because she loved him and wanted the best for him, but that’s exactly what he didn’t want. Too busy tryin to take out konaha remember? He didn’t want to accept love into his life because hey, everyone he every loved in the past died at the cost of the hierarchy! Why let people into your life when you could just loose them and feel the same pain yet again, right? Have you ever lost someone you loved? Well let me tell you, it fucking sucks. Dealing with the constant thought of not being able to see them again, and knowing there was nothing you could have done. FUCK I’m just glad I didn’t have my whole blood line killed. I’m sure it was really hard to accept anyone’s feelings, after losing the very people who he cared most about. Whether it be platonic or romantic, at that time in his life accepting people feelings wasn’t an option. Why the hell do you think it took so long to get him back? He was all bout that revenge.

“Wtf how can you be pro sasuke and ship him with someone he doesn’t even like-_-”


“sasuke and naruto and sasuke even kissed!”

lol, I like how you added sasuke’s name twice to reassure yourself that they did in fact kiss.

Could this be what you’re talking about?

WHAAAAAT THEY KISSED? Or it could be the fact that Naruto literally got smashed into his face. So much passion I’m swooning! Ever heard of comic relief? I recommend you look it up. It’s meant for those with a sense of humor.

It’s funny how you try and promote your little ‘’kiss’’ when this beautiful girl exists. SARADA FUCKIN UCHIHA 

And y’all know it takes a little more than a kiss to make a child if you know what I’m saying.*coughs*


I hope to God you don’t go around leaving this kind of garbage in people’s ask boxes. You might ruin their day you little shit! I really don’t see what’s the big deal? I enjoy my ship in peace, while people like you still make posts about how much you hate the ending and shit. I really didn’t come here for y’all salty ass negativity. YOU PEOPLE THRIVE OFF NEGATIVITY, UHHH???? MAYBE DON’T FOLLOW ANYMORE CONTENT ON NARUTO IF IT REALLY BOTHERS YOU TO THE POINT OF PUTTING THIS MESS IN MY ASK BOX. It’s really not healthy. But hey, for someone who is brain dead, that’s none of my business.


-The bitch you pissed off

Challenge Fic: The Pizza and the Pun

written for @txf-fic-chicks challenge Post episode/ Missing scene

Rating: G

Summary: Missing scene for Essence

So this is my first off anon story on tumblr. Thanks to @baronessblixen for the beta, every mistake you’ll find is purely mine. Please be kind, english is not my first language.



What was wrong with her?

Pregnant, hostess of a baby shower and all she could think of was pizza. The crispy crust, the smell of melted cheese, tomatoes, spicy peppers…

Her son gave an approving kick while she could almost taste the Italian specialty on her tongue. Another gift was handed to her and she opened it up, hoping that a big, juicy, thick-lined piece of… a romper!

“Oh,” cooed the enthusiastic crowd of friends, unknowing to the struggle she was currently fighting. There was nothing worse than this deep, fervent desire for something edible. These cravings, which had started around her seventh month, drove her to her fridge again and again. Despite all her best and medical intentions, she found herself eating tons of ice cream  at half past three in the night giving her an extra set of excess weight she would probably never get rid of.

But nothing had her giving in to a craving as fast as pizza. She could eat two pizzas daily if it weren’t for her health and her medical reasoning.

“Dana, is everything okay?” Apparently, her mother had noticed that her daughter was not really paying enough attention. All worried eyes landed on her.

“Yes, I’m fine,” she explained quickly, “It’s just that I feel an insane craving for pizza right now,” she added, as the eyes did not lose their concern.

“Oh, I understand only too well. When I was pregnant,” said Joslin, a former study colleague, one of the few she was still in contact with, even if only fleetingly, “I could not keep my fingers off Chinese food. I had at least three spring rolls a day.”

“McDonald’s, four BigMacs every week,” said Carla, a friend of her mother’s, and everyone laughed.

“Really? I mean I could kill for a pizza with double cheese, tomatoes and peppers,“ she looked questioningly into the round.

"This is typical. When I was eight month along, Bob didn’t even dare to come between me and the fridge,” said Joslin. “It was probably better for him.”

“Believe me honey, that’s perfectly normal,” her mother handed her a new package, intending for this conversation to be over. But talking about it made Dana even hungrier. She saw herself mentally reaching for the phone to order a small piece of paradise, maybe two, or even two tons, because the day was still long and she had guests…

There was a knock at the door and all heads turned to look as they weren’t expecting anyone else. Dana was just about to get up, imagining the young, pimply pizza delivery boy on the other side of the door, however, Lizzy was faster. Oh, right she was supposed to accept help. Her mother would have to suffer for bringing this woman into the house. It was beside the point that she could actually use some help, she wanted to get it herself. After all, she was old enough to not be mothered constantly. For the ten thousandth time since her teenage years Dana swore to raise her child differently, knowing very well now that it was completely impossible.

Lizzy opened the door and revealed the sight of a very busy Mulder, who was trying to balance some bags and a big white box. His eyes focused on what was in his hands, he almost tripped into the apartment. “Hey Scully, I -” he broke off as he lifted his head and found himself confronted with a series of amused looks “forgot your baby shower” he finished his sentence. “I better get going again,” he was almost out of the door again already when she stopped him. Had to stop him. Because her focus was directed immediately on his right hand and the cardboard box in it and if her nose was actually right and she was not hallucinating, then Mulder wouldn’t leave again so soon.

“Mulder,” she struggled with her big belly as she tried to get up from the couch, which seemed to get harder from day to day. Probably because of all that pizza. “What’s the matter?” He turned to her and gave her a small smile.

“Well, I was just in the neighborhood and thought to myself that you would probably get your daily craving for pizza and” he kept smiling while holding out the box of pizza to her “so I just dropped by Alfredo’s, and got you a big tomato - bell pepper pizza with double cheese.”

Listening to his words, she could feel her stomach jump high in the air, then the smell intensified, and she felt like fainting out of sheer bliss. Praise the Lord for Mulder and pizza, she thought. Could life get any better? Of course, but only once she had a piece of pizza in her mouth.

“God, Mulder, you’re my savior” she grinned and took the box out of his hands and he gave a surprised laugh, happy to see her so pleased. “You’ve got to come in and at least greet my mom,” she said as she kicked the door shut and turned around. A little unsurely, considering what was waiting for him in the living room, he trotted after her. In a room charged with female energy every man had to feel unsafe.

“Fox, it’s so good to see you,” greeting him, Maggie stood up and embraced him warmly. “Pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Scully,” he replied to her hug and then threw a shy glance into the round. “Hi.”

“This is Fox Mulder,” Dana introduced him to the crowd as she sat back down without taking her eyes off the pizza box. “He is my” now she looked up and faltered, giving him an uncertain glance “well, we have been working together for the last few years,” she saw the pained shadow cross over his face and hurried, “and he is a good friend, the best, as you can easily see,” she pointed to the carton that still exuded the delicious aroma.

An appreciative “Ah yes” came the curious response from the choir, and all stared at the newcomer. All, apart from Dana, who had opened the box and was already chewing on her first slice; until the accusatory glance of her mother penetrated her happy little pizza universe. Hastily she swallowed down and gave the round an apologetic smile, “Where are my manners: anyone want some?” she pointed to the carton, but all of them shook their heads.

“Never get between a pregnant woman and her food,” commented Carla, and everyone laughed.

“But I should get at least a plate,” Dana put the box down on the coffee table where it safely came to rest between pacifiers, bottles, toys and rompers. Then she rose again, the nibbled on piece of pizza still in her hand. “Mulder, if you could?” she did not finish the sentence, but he followed her willingly into the kitchen. Lizzy was just about to remove dishes from the dishwasher, but left the room quickly when they entered the kitchen.

Scully took a plate from the cupboard and put the piece of pizza on it. She placed the plate on the kitchen table and wiped her hands on a towel.

“Scully, I’m really sorry that I forgot your baby shower. I’m going to go back and,” he stopped when she gave him a wide smile.

“It’s okay, Mulder. I never would have thought that unpacking gifts could be so exhausting. I’m glad you came by because I really needed a break from all the Oh and Ah. And thanks to you, I can spend that break with pizza.“ She took another bite, wiped her hands again, took some more plates out and put them on the counter.

“Do you want any?” She pointed to the half-eaten slice.

“No, I bought it for you.” He rejected.

“And that’s why you can’t have any?” She could not hide her amused smile.

“I’ll just be over here and enjoy you enjoying your food.”

“Fine, but don’t start complaining if you don’t get any later.” She took another bite, almost choking when she heard his next words.

“Actually I wasn’t getting any for the last couple of weeks,” noticing her shocked wide open eyes he quickly added “pizza, that is.” And they both smiled at the unintended pun.

"You do realize we are the hot topic in the living room right now?” She finished chewing.

“Why would we be? I mean, I’m just a friend,” he could not banish the hurt from his voice; the idea had hit him hard.

“Not just a friend,” she said, and came to him “the best.” She stopped in front of him, took his left hand and placed it on her belly “and we both know that you are so much more than that.” He couldn’t be angry if she gave him her most charming smile. Not that he could have been anyway. And the fact that he could feel his baby kick through the skin of her abdomen made it impossible anyway.

The moment ended when they heard laughter from the other room. Dana did not want to go back in there. There had been a time when she would have welcomed an afternoon with female friends. Now all she needed was in this kitchen. Well, maybe aside from the white paperbox on her coffee table. But with Mulder in the picture, maybe the day would hold a little more interest than just how to best use a milk pump and what to do about stretch marks.

She walked back to the counter took the pile of plates and gave it to him. Then she took her own plate, which was only holding pizza crumbs.

“Well, let’s get back into the shark tank. You can help me oohh and aahh at the right time,” she gave him an evil grin. “And maybe later when everyone is gone I can give you a whole other reason to oohh and aahh, Mr. not-getting-any.”

Saudade: Ch5

There was no use in arguing, it was pretty clear you couldn’t stay away from Brendon. When you woke up in his arms the following day, you both agreed it would be best for you to just give in and stay at his place until Josh came home. You were tearing yourself apart being alone in that apartment and it was doing you absolutely no favors. Brendon helped you pack up a couple things, reassuring you that he’d always be more than willing to drive you back over if you ever wanted or needed it, and then took you over to his place. As much as you tried, you couldn’t keep your hands off of him. It seemed like almost every conversation led to his lips on your neck or your arms around his waist or the two of you, no clothes, fucking relentlessly on the sofa or in the shower or on the bed. It hadn’t even been twenty four hours in his house and you already felt the chemistry between the two of you strengthen. There was something about Brendon that you craved. Being with him made you feel like being on a constant high, inhaling a reckless happiness, swallowing some sort of euphoric drug.

So naturally, staying at his house felt like being on vacation in paradise. You had only been there for a day but you were already not wanting to leave. Unlike your tiny apartment, Brendon owned a house. A whole house, all to himself. There was a pool, a giant painting of Frank Sinatra, a wine fridge, and two dogs, Penny and Bogart. You learned a lot of things about him too. Almost at every hour of the day, he either had a glass of beer in his hand or a joint. He smoked weed often, and drank, something you rarely ever saw from Josh. However, there were some similarities. You saw the same snapback sporting, goofy grinning, ripped jean wearing, passionate drummer in Brendon that you saw in Josh. In fact, Brendon didn’t only play drums, but he played a lot of other instruments too, and sang. “Geez,” you laughed when you found out. “You’re practically a legend.”

“I guess so,” Brendon shrugged, taking a long drag. He had decided to take you to the studio the next day, just a small shack looking thing outside his house by the pool. There was a glowing sign that read Urielectric, a bit cheesy but definitely a masterpiece, several guitars, a drum set, a couple awards, a synth pad, a computer, and ripped out notebook paper scattered on the floor.

“What’s this?” you wondered, picking up a piece of paper. Your eyes scanned across the words, the phrases blended into what sounded like poetry, gorgeous metaphors and clever puns intertwined and scrawled onto the page in what you assumed to be his handwriting. “It’s amazing.”

“I write songs,” he explained. “I have a band actually, Panic! at the Disco. I used to do it with some other guys, but uh, it didn’t really work out.” There’s a pause and something in his eyes that looks like nostalgia mixed with heartbreak. “But uh, it’s great now.” He clears his throat. “Just me, and it’s been better than ever. My last album hit the top of the charts, and it’s pretty awesome.”

“Josh has a band too,” you nodded, the words falling out of your mouth so naturally you didn’t even notice until it was too late. You mentally cursed yourself. For all the times you would brag about your boyfriend, now it was finally coming back to get revenge.

“Who?” he did a doubletake. It’s then that you realize you’ve never actually spoken his name before to Brendon.

“Josh,” you repeated. “Uh, my boyfriend.”

Brendon stared at you, almost in shock. “His name’s Josh?”

“Yeah,” you replied.

“And he has a band?” he recalled.

“That’s what I said,” you eyed him strangely. “Why?”

“And uh, earlier, you said he left for tour or something?” Brendon cleared his throat.

“Why are you acting so weird?” you raised an eyebrow. “Do you know him?”

“It’s not like, Josh Dun, right? From Twenty One Pilots?” he wondered.

“That’s him,” you answered. “Why? Is that going to be a problem or something?”

“No, no, I uh, um…” Brendon looked uneasy. “He’s just, a really nice guy. We’re friends, kind of, sort of. I mean, we hang out sometimes. We grab drinks, skateboard, that sort of stuff.”

“I knew you looked familiar,” you nodded. “Josh listens to your music, he likes it.”

“Yeah,” he nodded slowly. He looks uncomfortable.

“Something wrong?” you inquired.

“Look,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Josh is just, he’s a super great guy. Honest. And he’s lucky as hell to have you, I mean, you guys are perfect for each other. I just feel bad I guess.”

“And you think I don’t?” you interjected.

“You’re the one who called me,” Brendon narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you dare start to throw a pity party, y/n. Don’t blame this on me. I didn’t do anything.”

“You’re the one being a huge dick going around with that relentless ego of yours,” you argued.

“Huge dick, huh?” he challenged, taking you and pinning you to the wall, tight grip on your wrists, his face dangerously close to yours. “How about we see how this huge dick looks getting shoved down your throat, huh?”

“Do it then,” you teased. “Or are you too pussy to face fuck me in this fancy little studio of yours anyways?”

“Oh I can shut you up real quick, princess,” Brendon growled, pushing you to your knees and unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, shoving down his boxers and pulling his erection up to your lips, grabbing a fistful of your hair and shoving his cock into your mouth. “Better show me what else that mouth of yours can do, baby.” You looked up at him with a playful gaze and his lust filled eyes stared down at you, gripping your hair tighter and pushing another inch down your throat. Your eyes started to water as he tugged your head back and forth, pumping his dick in and out of your mouth, moans escaping his lips. “And to think that just seconds ago you were trying to defend your precious boyfriend, huh? Josh?” He started to go faster, using his other hand to clamp down on your hair, slamming his cock between your lips. “Of course he’d be the kind to baby you. I bet the thought of calling you a slut wouldn’t even cross his mind.” Brendon began to force you to deepthroat him and you’re choking on his cock, staring up at him pleadingly, but he just drags his lower lip between his teeth and laughs softly. “You’re such a fucking whore.” He starts to go faster and faster and you’re barely able to breathe when he cums, the warm liquid sliding down your throat and filling up your mouth, and he’s gasping and cursing and moaning your name, tugging so tight on your hair. When Brendon pulls out he takes a deep breath, wiping the dribble of cum from your lips, tugging his jeans back up and fixing himself before pulling you up to your feet and kissing you.

“Holy fuck Brendon,” you moaned into his mouth.

“Yeah,” he chuckled when pulled away. “Josh can’t work you in the ways that I can, huh?”

“Brendon,” you stared at him, knees growing weak.

“Goddammit, I bet you’re soaked,” he smirked. “Aren’t you?”

“Bren-” you began to protest again but he pulled you towards him, kissing your lips and then trailing them down your neck, sucking at the skin for a moment before withdrawing himself.

“You’re so sexy. So distracting,” he clicked his tongue. “And to think that I actually thought for a second I might get any work done with you in this studio.” He wrapped you in his arms and kissed the top of your head. “God, I love you y/n.”

You froze and that’s when he realized what he had said. You fixed your eyes on him, several moments passing before you dared to speak. “Y-you love me?” you wondered, pulling back and staring at him.

“Well I uh, um, I just…” he was at a loss for words, staring down at his shoes before glancing at you. “Yeah. I do.”

“Oh,” you bit down on your lower lip.

“Is that, uh, is that okay?” Brendon’s eyes softened. “Look I didn’t want to-”

“It’s okay,” you interrupted. “I mean, um, I love you too. Or at least I think I do. I don’t know.” You took a deep breath. “I don’t want to admit it, but I’m pretty sure I do.” You glanced up at Brendon. “Uh, if that even makes any sense.”

“Yeah,” he reassured awkwardly. “It does.”

“I just um, I don’t want this to be, well…” you took a deep breath. “This has to be our secret, okay?”

“Of course,” Brendon nodded.

“We’re not telling Josh, we’re not telling anybody,” you stated. “Got it?”

“Would never cross my mind,” he insisted.

“Okay,” you closed your eyes tight. You stepped back towards him and gave him a kiss on the lips. “I’m going to leave you alone for a bit. You get some work done, yeah? No distractions.”

“Yeah, okay,” he gives a soft laugh.

When you exit the studio, you walk back towards his house replaying all that had been said and done in your head. You were crazy, absolutely fucking crazy. You tried to clear your mind, walking back into the house and sitting on the couch, switching on the television, Bogart hopping into your lap. “What the fuck am I going to do?” you sighed. “It’s not like I can just leave Brendon, and it’s not like I’m going to leave Josh either.” You stared at the puppy. “And now I’m fucking talking to a dog. I must really be out of my mind now.” Your phone rang on the armrest beside you and you instantly perked up. You hadn’t heard your phone ring in days. Even more surprisingly, it was Josh. You instantly picked it up. “Hey!”

“Hey baby,” he greeted. “How are you doing?”

“I’m great,” you responded, the words being said before you could even think. You were doing pretty great, you couldn’t deny that. “How about you?”

“I’m fine,” he sighed. “I just miss you.”

“Yeah, I miss you too,” you frowned. “A lot.”

“Ty said maybe when we get back to the states, uh, we can fly you out,” he suggested. “You can come with us on the road for a couple days. He’s letting Jenna, for some of the east coast dates.”

“Oh,” an unintentional flat toned response slips out of your mouth.

“W-well you don’t have to, um, if you don’t want to,” he quickly reassured. “I just thought that uh, maybe you know, since I haven’t seen you in forever, you might want to spend some time with me, see one of our shows…” There’s a pause like he’s waiting for you to say something but you’re too busy contemplating whether to stay with Brendon or fly out to Josh that you forget to actually respond to him. “You know what, it’s fine, forget it.”

“No, no,” you instantly break out of your daze. “Uh, I’d love to. I’m just kind of shocked. That sounds great.”

“Yeah?” his voice instantly sounds so much more enthusiastic. “You’d really do that?”

“Sure,” you nodded. “I mean, Jenna’s coming, so Tyler’s cool with it, right?”

“Definitely,” he answered. “Dang, I miss you so much y/n.”

“I miss you too,” you murmured.

“It must be lonely in that apartment without me,” he mumbled and you blinked twice, trying to remember that’s where you’re supposed to be.

“It is,” you drew out the words slowly.

“I’m watching a movie right now with Tyler,” he explained. “I wish you were here beside me on this couch, wrapped up in my arms, your lips on my neck, just the way you know I like it. I miss being able to kiss you, to hug you, to have you beside me.” He lets out a breath and you envision him closing his eyes. “I really do miss you.”

“So do I baby,” you replied.

“But we’ll see each other again soon,” Josh insisted. “Don’t worry.”

“I know,” you swallowed uncomfortably.

“I’ve got to go, Tyler’s giving me rude glares,” he laughed. “I love you.”

“Love you,” you chuckled, waiting to hear the beep, signaling you that he had hung up. When it came, you closed your eyes tight, taking a deep breath and then setting your phone down.

“That was cute,” the voice behind you made you jump in your seat, Bogart barking in your lap at the sudden jostle of your legs.

“Holy fucking shit, Brendon,” you clenched your chest, turning around and gasping for breath. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Yeah whatever,” he teased, flopping down on the couch beside you. There was a pause. “You really miss him?”

“Of course I do,” you narrowed your eyes. “I mean, yeah, staying at your place makes things a lot better, but you’re not him. You know?”

“Oh believe me, I know,” Brendon smirked. “I know I’m a thousand times better.”

“There’s that ego again,” you rolled your eyes.

“You love it,” he insisted. “I know you do.”

“You don’t know shit,” you playfully jabbed his side.

“I know that you can’t resist a little bit of this,” he chuckled, kissing your lips and starting to climb on top of you, your legs parting and letting his waist delve between them, slowly grinding down on your center. You moaned into his mouth softly and he hummed with delight. When you pulled away, you both laughed.

“Why does every single thing we talk about always end up with us having sex?” you complained.

“Like I said,” Brendon shrugged. “I’m just so irresistible.”

“Oh shut up,” you scoffed. “I think you need a lesson in humility.”

“Yeah?” he raised an eyebrow, amused. “And how might you accomplish that?”

“I might have a few ideas,” a naughty smirk tugged at the sides of your lips.

“I’m all for it then,” he grinned. “Care to show me?”

“I’d love to,” you bit down on your lower lip for a moment before leaning down to kiss him again, tugging at his shirt, legs wrapped around his waist, ready to finally switch things up for a change and be the one in charge.


credit to orginal owner of this gif

Requested: no

Pairing: Luke x Reader

Series: The Purpose of Love - Bittersweet Generation

Description: Y/N accidently spills her biggest secret to a well-known stranger and it ends up getting a bit heated than intended.

The TV was on. Muted, but it was turned on. It was the first thing Calum had done as soon as you had walked into the room with your friend. He had turned on the TV and muted it as if no one were actually going to look at the giant screen. And no one did. Everyone started to talk, instantly.

It was a funny scene if you thought about it. Five people seated around a coffee table with snacks and a muted TV. Three of those people were famous - Calum Hood, Luke Hemmings and Michael Clifford - and the fourth of those five was your out-going friend who seemed to know everyone in the city of Los Angeles.

And then there were you. The quiet, anti-social and smart girl. The girl who liked the rain more than the sun, the girl who liked the book more than the movie, the girl who liked the calls more than the texts. That girl was you.

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Summary: Tony is feeling a little down after a mission and asks Steve to give him gentle tickles rather than rough ones.

A/N: Based on this prompt. I’m quite happy with this one, so I hope you’ll enjoy it too!

Words: 1 558

Steve’s body was aching. It wasn’t overwhelmingly bad, but the dull pain that shot through his limbs was annoying and a slightly too big of a reminder of a life full of chronic pain that he’d left behind him. He glanced at Tony as they entered their bedroom. If he was in pain he couldn’t imagine how Tony might be feeling.

“Are you hurt?” he asked once they’d shut the door behind them.

Tony shook his head. “Nah. The suit took all the beating. I promise,” he added at Steve’s skeptical look.

Steve didn’t say anything, but he didn’t take his eyes off of him as they started undressing. Tony never winced once, and Steve couldn’t find a single trace of oncoming bruises on his body, so he reckoned the genius was speaking the truth regarding his well being for once.

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Rome - Taehyung : A World Of Beauty Series

Taehyung’s always been out for the world to marvel at. But with you, the world feels all the more personal.


Words: 5.6k

Genre: fluff/smut Song: Roma Fade- Andrew Bird

The light came from the heavens, more bright and soft than light from anywhere else he’d been in the world. He’d been throughout it, and still none if it compared. Resembling you, he thought. The glass doors with royal golden carving in the handles were open, letting the soft breeze in from the streets below before they grew busy and noisy. He had woken up earlier than he’d liked, but now that he had, he didn’t regret it.

His bare chest was pressed against the white sheets with the texture of silk. The bed was grand, fit for a queen. His left cheek pressed against the white pillow to match his chest. Strands of hair untouched since the night, where her fingers took their home in tangling and pulling deep & close to his roots, lay strewn across the pillow in front of him. He could still feel the presence of sleep in his eyes, but he didn’t want them shut any longer. The sight in front of him was something that only belonged to him, to stay stored and locked away in his thoughts for when you weren’t there to lay with him like now.

His lips parted, letting a small breath escape, but god, he couldn’t help it. It was a breath of admiration, a breath of endearment and fondness, a breath of love. This is all he ever hoped for in his nights and mornings, waking up and falling asleep next to the same woman who gave him parts of life he thought he’d never have. Normality, wanting him for him and all the baggage he carried. Making him feel like what he loved to do never contributed to the love she had for him. She never failed to tell him, that it wasn’t his fame that made her love the musical part of his life, but the passion he had when it came to sharing his heart through music. He never failed to remain the same while being put on a pedestal in front of the world. She always told him she marveled at that. He never told her, but he credited her for him staying him.

He searched the deepest and most hidden places for recommendations of the most extravagant and beautiful places to stay in Rome. Price didn’t matter, only the best would do, even if it costed millions. He wanted to take her beauty to a place that matched. But he now realized that the effort was a lost cause. He picked quite the magnificent place to stay. It was only to be found in Italy, said the woman whom he had made the deal with. The curtains of velvet, it was pure Renissance era, truly divine. Bedding and duvet made for royalty of the time. The corners where the walls met and connected were carved with precise and vivid depictions of art from the time. The walls exposed and uneven, left from the construction from years ago. The light tinted and faded paint on the walls to compliment the glow from the sun when it came and set fire to everything else in the room. The balcony led out to see all the beautiful scenery Rome had to offer. It was a fortune, and it was breathtaking. But in his effort to take his beauty to a place she would admire for its own, he only failed.

Here you were, laid in front of him. As naked as he, breast pressed flush against the silk sheets like his. Your hair strewn across your pillow, like paint splattered on a canvas. Wild, tangled, but untouched since the night that was only a moon before. You had kicked the covers down just below the small of your back, a habit you always had, unable to help it during your sleep. Eyes traveling down the small of your back, admiring how your back expanded, rising and falling deeply with every breath. Your plump peach lips, parted just enough to see the tip of your front teeth. He wanted so badly to lean foreword and feel the warm of your lips on his. He never felt more at home then when he got the chance to kiss you. Your face bare, and you still looked more beautiful than anything he had set eyes on.

He compared his lengthly time observing the surroundings in the beautiful untimely city of Rome, to only the seconds he spent looking at you, he realized it was just a lost feat to try to find anything to match your beauty. Nothing could. To him, no other person could compare. And if a city with so much beauty, art, and culture couldn’t, then theres no way anything else could. He’d accepted that, right in that very moment, but he felt that he always did know that.

“Mmfh…” you groaned, snapping him from his trance. He propped himself up on one elbow, looking at your stirring being. “Tae-tae…” you groaned out, voice laced with sleep. Your hand felt around the bed, trying to find his figure. “Yes?” He spoke, voice as equally sleep ridden. He grabbed your searching hand, and placing it in between his larger ones, kissing the top. “Come,” you stole you hand back, scooted towards him, and motioned for him to come closer. “come here, I need some love.”

He giggled at you, even though you weren’t even trying to be comedic. You just reminded him of a grumpy little kid, he loved it. You just frowned at him, as if he didn’t think you were being serious. He scooted a little bit towards you, but it wasn’t fast enough, so you just sat up and moved over completely, pushed him from his side onto his back, and wrapped yourself flat on top of him. You let out a deep huff of sleep and satisfaction.

“You’re something else.” He giggled yet again, wrapping his arms around you, loving that he gets to bask in your touch. “Shhhh…” you shushed, smothering your hand all over his face, focusing on his lips with one finger for a moment, wanting to fall back asleep now that you had what you wanted. “Hey,”

“Hmm?” You grumbled into his chest.

“Look at me.”

You let out a dramatic sigh, a sigh that translated to “I don’t want to move and you’re disturbing my peaceful state.” But you looked up anyways. And before you could even fully rest your chin on his sternum to steady your sight, your cheeks were put in the palms of his hands and your head was pulled forward to meet his and his lips.

If you weren’t awake then, you were now.

He separated your lips, and rested his nose on yours. “You, are the most breathtaking thing, I’ve ever set eyes on.” He exclaimed honestly. You felt your cheeks heat slightly. You always doubted yourself and your confidence wasn’t as high as it could be. Isn’t that how it is for every girl, though? Any human? It didn’t help especially when one of the most perfect men you’ve had the pleasure of knowing and seeing told you so. It only shook your confidence just a little more each time, though it also reassured you. That sounded a little crazy. But Taehyung never was one to give bullshit to others, and he always made a point to tell you he’d be most honest with you. But until you believed it yourself that you were how he said, you’d never believe him. You always gave him the “You’re forced to say that to me because you love me.” Or if you want to simplify that, “You’re blinded by love, mister.” But you didn’t this morning. “Oh, you’re just saying that…” you said, gazing down so you wouldn’t have to look at him. Being under someone’s gaze always made you uncomfortable. Your eyes felt the need to avoid anyone who gave you attention, even the eyes of the boy who you loved.

“I wouldn’t just say it if I didn’t mean it.” He assured, running his hands through your hair.
“What If I told you, full heartedly, that I tried my hardest to find one of the most beautiful places in the world. With history, culture, beautiful art. Hopefully to take you for you to appreciate its beauty. And just maybe see, that you’re just as beautiful. But this morning..” he went on.

“Taehyung, you do not mean that.” You rolled your eyes at him, cutting him off, trying to avoid his at any cost. You were too flustered to look at him. You tried to roll off his chest to lay next to him instead of laying on him, but he stopped you. He only pulled your closer, closer to his face and tighter against his body.

“Listen, listen, I wasn’t done.” He said, getting a cheeky boxy grin, tapping your nose. “This morning, I had thought back to everything we’ve seen here. And then, I saw you. The light from the window shining down on you, and the way your lips part when you sleep, the way you kick the blankets down when you get too warm. How your chest rises and falls with every breath, the small of your back revealed from the blankets, it barely covering your..” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had to stop himself from going on any further or else he might loose his point.

“Taehyung..” you said in doubt.

“Yes, yes.” He snapped out of it, “I mean every word of it. You’re.. you’re an enigma to me. Your beauty just is so much more than even cities with the richest of history and deepest of roots.”

“Tae, you’re exaggerating. You don’t really sound like you. This is the most serious you’ve been for 5 minutes straight. Also, I didn’t know I fell in love with a Romeo.” You chuckled, rubbing your pink cheeks.

“Listen, I can be serious,” he said, being playfully defensive. “and I know, I know, mushy talk. That’s not normally my thing, but god I had to tell you. Or else I’m positive that I would have let an important moment slip through my fingers, but you know, tease me all you want. I’m Romeo for today. Romeo in Rome.”

You looked up him, a little bit of disappointment in his very bad play on words? Pun? Who knows. But he found it funny. He was laughing at himself, quite hard actually. His nose scrunched, as did his chocolate eyes, and it came from the deepest and richest part of him it could.

“You’re such a half-wit sometimes.” You said looking at him finally, owning a smile of your own. “But I love it, and you sure as hell better stay like that.” You let your head lay down, being lifted and falling at a fast pace from being on his chest. He was still laughing at himself, but just a little harder this time. You sighed, and scoffed.. if thats possible. And you smiled,

“Oh god. I’d go to the ends of the world with you. For you.” You said, nuzzling into him. You felt his laughing stop completely. Wondering why, you looked up.

“Then, will you?”


He let a cocky grin plaster to his face.

“Will you go the ends of the Earth with me?” He asked, raising both eyebrows, up-down, twice.

You involuntarily laughed at his expression, and then looked down at the sheets with a smile still on your lips. You twirled it in between your fingers and bit your lip.

“If I get to go with you, then you know I will.” You said, still looking at the sheets.

“Then, we’ll go anywhere and everywhere.” He said.

You never knew what to expect with Taehyung. But you know, that if he says it, there’s always a possibility that he means it. You got lost in thought at the idea of leaving parts of you and Taehyung everywhere in the world. Memories. You felt the bed move slightly, but you still stared, checked out.

You didn’t pay much attention to his movement, thinking he was going to get out if the enormous sea of sheets. But, until you ended up under him, you changed your thoughts immediately.

“Tae!” You squealed, and felt his lips behind your ear.

He mumbled into your neck things about how he’d take you anywhere you wanted, just to be with you, and feel that you’d have parts of everywhere now apart of both of you.

Your need and affection had grown in the process. The feeling of his deep baritone voice vibrating on your skin, combined with his soft lips and body in between your legs. It was an overstimulation to your senses, and your were more than okay with that. It had integrated into the intensity of everything that you felt for him in the morning when he praised you. And you wanted to give some praise to him for being so perfect to you.

You knew what this would turn into, thought you usually never did. A simple hug with Tae could turn into a lot more in such little time. It was quite fascinating actually. Switching moods completely. Silly and playful to a man. You still couldn’t get how he could do it, but he could. And it happened more often as time got on. But you know, you weren’t complaining.

“Hey,” you breathed out, placing your hands on the back of his neck as he still worked on yours. He just hummed to acknowledge you. “Turn over for me, would you?” You asked. “Mm-mm..” he grunted into your neck, and pushing his lower body into yours, making you shudder at the feeling.

“P-please, let me make you feel good for a little bit.” You pulled the hair at the nape of his neck, causing ripples of goosebumps to deploy, you felt it under your touch. He couldn’t say no to that though, no matter how much he thought he should take care of you first. He was cheeky, so he let it fly.

He sucked a little bit longer on your skin then pushed himself off you so his head was level with your ear. “Expect to feel just as fucking good afterwards, okay?” He growled, somehow making it sound reassuring while intimidating. Only something he could pull off. You whimpered just a little at the thought of how well he’d keep his promise.

He got off you, and you came up to rest your ass on the balls of your heels, feeling your hair brush the top of your feet.

His demeanor had changed from how it was earlier. You couldn’t read it, you never could read Taehyung. It was nearly impossible, but luckily he always graced you with the fact that he’s nowhere near shy of sharing what he’s thinking.

“God, you’re fucking with me in ways I can’t even explain.”

You leaned forward onto him as he sat up against the headboard of the bed and pressed your lips against his, trying so very hard to convey the passion your mouth had in store for him. You kissed down his jaw, taking in his reaction to your movements. His breathing was growing heavy, and you saw his abdomen twitch in anticipation. You worked your way down with your lips, pushing your ass out just a little further up in the air to give him something to admire.

“Fucking hell..” he groaned and threw his head back.

You had worked your way down to his abdominal hair and looked up at him with big eyes. He was hissing at his own sensitivity, and you causing it to be so intense for him. His eyes squeezed shut, and his hands fisting the sheets. You didn’t even think to look at his cock, you just aimed to focus on the areas you brought yourself to. But now that you did, you looked at him, almost questioning why he reacted the way he was. You understood now.

You wondered where in the world he got time to get this up, just puzzled for a moment. You tried to hide it, but he didn’t keep his thoughts for you to guess about.

“You laid on top of me. It wasn’t conscious, but your tits were on me and it was so close to you it just happened. Sorry.” Saying it sheepishly, you could tell he wasn’t. His grin gave it away.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped sooner.” Saying in between kisses and licks.

“I didn’t notice. I was explaining and laughing.” He said, stopping to hiss. “No, no. I lied. I did notice. It was just a bad time.”

You looked up from his lower body, wanting to laugh. The right time was only at least three minutes after him “swooning” you. “Mmhm, pretty boy. Totally was.” You say sarcastically. You went to wrap your hand around his dick, but you had to look for a second before you did. Needing to know what you were gonna get yourself into.

It was flat against his stomach, straining and red. You wanted nothing more than to make it even more painfully hard, the harder it was, the harder he’d go on you. And his neediness made your desire only grow. You needed him, bad. You could reach down and feel for proof if need be.

You moved down just a little further, and licked the head of his hardened cock. He squirmed at the light action that he decided just didn’t pair with how heavy he felt. You smirked to yourself at how enjoyable this would be, hearing him moan and groan, all because of you.

You took his head in between your lips and sucked a little short of as hard as you could, and he moaned out, voice going to a higher octave than normal. Popping off, you spit on it and gave it a few pumps, getting ready to go all in.

“You’re a fucking goddess.” He moaned out, entangling his long slim fingers into your hair, trying desperately to not push your head down. “Bellissimo. Una dea.” (Beautiful. A goddess.)

You looked up at him through your eyelashes, and raising an eyebrow. “Someone learned some Italian.” You said quizzically. “Only for things I though I would use often while we’re here. It’ll be a tradition.” He winked and panted down at you, running his hands through your hair. “Please, more.” He begged at you. You raised your other eyebrow, now. “Since when does king Taehyung beg?”

“When his cock is aching from thinking about how hard he wants to fuck his beautiful girlfriend until her legs give out. Please.” He groaned as you attached your mouth to him once again, throwing his head back, leaning it against the headboard. “And since when am I King Taehyung?” He asked smiling with a smirk, eyes shut. His “please” sounded more like a sweet command, but you were relishing, only just a little bit, in the fact that he was begging. It was strange, he rarely ever did that. You were always in the position to beg, with good reason. He’s a fucking tease.

You worked your tongue around him the best you could, sucking in pulling in different rhythm each time. Pushing him in one way, then pulling away from it and trying a new method. It had* to be at least slightly frustrating, you wanted him just a little bit worked up. The repercussions were always worth it.

He groaned and hissed, you never thought you’d hear another voice as baritone-ly deep, masculine and sexy as his ever in your existence. So, each time you gave him head you just basked in his sinful noises. It made your knees buckle and have a moan always ready in the back of your throat.

Finally setting on a pace, his reactions started to amp up in intensity. You started out mundanely slow, but sucking hard*. The moans you get from those come from deep down, vibrating and echoing in your ears. Enough to get your folds wet and slick, screaming for him touch you. It was fucking art to hear.

You take him all, going just a tad faster, and his hips buck in impatience. The situation seems all too familiar to you.

Before you knew it, his hips were wildly bucking and his moans had gone up octave after octave as you pushed and pushed. His buttons were almost all there, then you just stopped.

Nothing more.

His groaning didn’t stop, he still continued on with the deep and guttural. But you had gotten him to his edge and then pushed him far back away from it. “Legs up and spread in the next three seconds.” He commanded.

Lift up, and spread, you thought.


There was a sharp pang on your damp folds, making your body jolt foreword. But god, did it feel brilliant.

Your cunt was fully exposed and open for him to use, your only part now was waiting. You didn’t know what he was doing behind you, but you knew not to question. Spontaneity was something Taehyung needed in a good fuck, just like one would need to feel less exposed, or closer to their other. He craved the unknown, though he fully knew what he was going to do. Your reaction was was the unknown.

But, behind you, he was squeezing his cock to the point where it could be painful, but he needed that just so he wouldn’t bottom out on the first pound.

Caught in your own thoughtful wonders and anticipation, you had no time to process when he decided just push himself in you, hard, with force. It made you jolt forward for the second time, though you almost flew completely forward this time round. He held his hands on your hips thankfully, keeping you from falling. Him keeping himself there only instilled the pleasure into you.

Taehyung wasn’t big, and he sure as hell wasn’t small. But that didn’t matter at all. He knew how to give you just what you needed, he knew just what to do. Never failing to leave you spasming and clutching his thighs or whatever you could to stabilize yourself after he’d done his best to you.

He continued on, pulling out all the way to the tip to give you time to recover, then snapping himself back into you as hard as he could.

Lord, it was impossible to keep quiet. How could you? Why should you?

“Fuck, me.” Taehyung hissed out. Hie jaw clenched, teeth gritted. He caught himself digging his fingers into your hips harder than he should. But you hadn’t said anything to tell him it hurt, so he kept them that way for his sake. And yours, he thought. Couldn’t have you falling face-first forward now could he?

“You want that?” You answered playfully, slightly out of breath. You knew he wasn’t expecting an answer. It wasn’t a command either. But why not offer? Who could lose in asking. You turned your head to the right just enough to see him out the corner of your eye. His hair fell in front of his eyes since it was tilted somewhat downward. It pulled a shadow over his lids more than his furrowed brows already did. It looked a little menacing if you were honest. But also extremely fucking appealing. He looked impatient, holding himself back.

You pushing his buttons was making him lose it. He didn’t know if he should let you, or if he should just thrust so hard you want him to keep taking you from behind. He almost made up his mind until you purposely tightened yourself and slid off his cock and then back down on it again.

He didn’t answer you for a minute or two and you were impatient. You couldn’t stand being on your elbows with his cock buried inside you without him moving. So you gave him one last push.

“No. I don’t” he grunted, making up his mind after your little show. He pulled you off his cock by your hips, stopping at the tip, then pushing it back in. Making you moan out for him to do more to you, you felt sensitive from being handled so roughly then given time to feel that. You needed him so badly. He wasn’t giving it to you.

He pulled himself out completely, then flipped you over by the hips, earning a yelp from you. He grabbed your thighs, fingers burning into your flesh. He pushed them apart as fast as he could and as far as he could without hurting you. He clawed on your thighs, letting out a couple angry praises at how beautiful he thought you were. His hands slid down from your stretched thighs to your pussy, deciding to give your clit a little attention. He gave it a slap, making you whine for him to be kind. His other hand was busy rubbing himself as we watched you.

His dick was still wet from being in you minutes before, add that to the precum that was coming from his tip, his dick was aching for you, and based on all of your arousal that was left on his dick, you were aching for him. Your eyes shut as he slapped your clit, and he took that as his chance.

He moved forward as fast as he could, slammed himself into you, and let himself go.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You had no choice but to cry out. You had no idea how to cope with the feeling. “Such a pretty voice.” He groaned in the midst of his merciless thrusts. “I wanna hear it. Louder.” He commanded.

Sometimes he did this. Going fast, not letting up on you. Sometimes he didn’t, going slow and taking his time. Whatever came naturally to him, and to you. You enjoyed it either way, always feeling insanely good no matter the circumstances.

Taehyung sped up when he said that, to the point where the sound of skin slapping on skin was just as loud as both your breathing. “Tae! Please…” you begged. You didn’t know what you were begging for. For more? You had more than enough of him in you to fulfill your needs. For a little mercy? You knew you didn’t want that. He knew that.

“What are you asking for, love?” He moaned, eyes shut in focus. His hips were moving fast enough to make you cum in the next 5 minutes, so I guess that’s what you were asking for.

You reached up and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him down over you. His hips didn’t falter in the slightest. “God you make me feel so good.” You breathed out. “You’re so fucking tight, wet.” He breathed back in response.

You moaned at his words, they were enough to make you go tight around him. “Fuck. Such a good girl, taking me so well.” He whimpered to you. You were so close. You just needed him a little longer. “Come on baby, harder.” You pulled him down so he was flush against your chest. You felt it rub against you with friction each time he move slammed his hips into yours mercilessly. He let his head drop by your ear and you took your chance. He was whimpering, letting out higher sounding noises every now and then as your skin clapped against one anothers. You wrapped your arms around him and clawed down his back as he worked himself in you. You were about to cum any second now, and so was he. You could feel it, so you gave him some extra push.

“You feel so fucking good inside me, Taehyung. Please, please. I’m so close, go harder for me. I’m almost there baby harder, please.”

He gave up his light whimpers and grunted instead. Your words magically made his hips speed up regardless of you asking him to go faster. Your tone was so fucking sexy, and it slipped right into his ears. It made his dick twitch and he almost lost it right then and there. He sped up his hips, and let the natural reactions play out.

He rested his sweaty forehead on the curve of your neck and shoulder where his mouth used to be planted. Your moans from him working so hard to hit that spot in you that made you shake and shiver only made him lose more control than the amount he never had. He was moving like a mad man. Groaning more and more as he reached near his edge. He could hear you doing just the same.

“Fuck. Fuck. I can hear how wet you are. Are you gonna cum for me?” He reached down to rub your dampened clit.

You were about to respond, until he touched you, and your oversensitive nature got the best of your words. You began to talk, and your voice rose up high as he worked his slender fingers on your throbbing clit. “Please! Yes. I’m so close, please…”

You were begging shamelessly, but who wouldn’t? You looked up at him, hoping to catch him when he came. There had been only a collection of a few times where you hadn’t been in the midst of self-indulgence to witness him come. So, why not try today.

His eyes were still shut tight, keeping himself from coming before you. His hand moved so fast on your clit it blurred in your line of sight. His hips crashed into yours, sending ripples and waves in your thighs and tits each second he pushed himself back into you. He was sweating from giving all he had, so his hair became wavy as it stuck to his forehead in the crook of your neck where it stayed. You wanted him to get there so badly, he fucked like a real man.

“Uh, fuck!” He grunted out, louder than all times before. Your eyes widened in surprise, leaving them open to catch every second of what was to come.

His hips faltered, but his hand didn’t. His mouth opened, and you knew he couldn’t help any of it. His stomach twitched on and off, and each time it twitched you felt his cock do the same. The warm strings of cum you felt hit your walls, and the sight of him letting himself go inside of you was enough to make you lose it.

Shaking uncontrollably, your body shook his from his own pleasure. He watched you. Your head involuntarily threw back, mouth open to let out a ringing moan. The melody flowed through his ears, causing him to shake and let out one last grunt and bit of his arousal. Your hands flew out to grab his shoulders to stabilize yourself.

“Your cunt feels so good around me, I came so hard, you made me.” He smirked, helping you out.


His hand was still on your clit so he rubbed it softly, letting your ride it out.

You shook for a few more seconds, and then your body felt weak. You didn’t know how he hadn’t collapsed on you yet. So, you forced him to.

You pulled him down next to you, and laid right on top of him, just as you did earlier.

“Well, we’re back here again, huh?”

“Sure. I mean, we’re both sweaty this time. I can feel your sweat on my tits, tae.”

“I can feel your sweat and your tits, so I’m half winning.” He teased, still a little out of breath.

You flicked his collar bone and pinched the skin, hoping it made him hurt just a little bit.

“Well, I get you. So I’m always gonna win.” You stated triumphantly.

“You got me there.” He laughed, and you pinched his collar bone again.

You watched him laugh, and felt compelled to ask him something. It was out of the blue, sure, but you couldn’t go without asking him. “Hey,” you started. “Yes?” He said, still smiling that smile of his. Only his. “did you.. could we actually..” you didn’t know how to properly ask the question. He looked puzzled for a moment, trying to understand. “Would you really, go anywhere in the world with me?” You asked. You didn’t know why you asked though, it wasn’t a statement that hurt you, or worried you. It just.. you thought you should. “Anywhere and everywhere.” He assured, stroking your hair.

“Lets do it.” You said fast. Faster than you would have liked your brain to have let it out. “You want to?” He asked. “If I’m with you, then nothing sounds better than exploring the world.” You decided. You didn’t even think about this, you just knew how you felt. You knew what you thought. It was the truth.

“Then it’s settled. We’ll be in the world, around the world, apart of it.”

The way he stated it was a very dramatic, loud and theatrical one. But then he quieted. Looking you in the eyes. You felt you should do the same.

“A world with you in it, is a world of beauty. And I’d be more than willing to go throughout it.”

You pinched him, for the third time. What a sappy little shit.

“Oh stop it, you like me when I’m romantic.”

Cute College Blurb *Not Edited*

Shawn Mendes 
Words: 1,200
Note: Clearly this isn’t 500 words, and clearly I need to get better at writing bleeping endings. Although it annoys me to no end, I used ‘Y/N’  so I figured out how to insert that filter thing so I don’t have to look at it, so I hope it works 😄 Your name: submit What is this?


Originally posted by smendesgifs

Anxiety was already beginning to rise in me, my heart racing at a stupidly high rate, my shaky fingers drumming on my thigh as I rehearsed what I wanted to say over and over in my head.

I was blowing this way out of proportion, but at the time it seemed like the biggest thing in the world. I just needed to get up and go and ask him, otherwise the bubbles in my stomach won’t settle down and I won’t get any work done.

My legs seemed to have a mind of their own because I was suddenly standing up, walking across the room to where he sat. Shawn didn’t notice me at first, his headphones shoved over his head of brown hair. Shit, what if he never looks up? Out of everything, I didn’t think about what to do if he never noticed me. I knew I was quiet, but Christ.

After a good thirty seconds of just awkwardly standing there, I was about to give up and go back to my seat when he looked up.

“Hey, (Y/N). You okay?” He smiled up at me, placing his headphones around his neck, muffled sounds of some Ed Sheeran song escaping into the otherwise quiet room.

“Hi. D-do you have a pen I can borrow? I left my pencil case in my dorm and –“ I cut myself off before I started rambling. God, why did I stutter? It just made me sound more nervous than I already was.

“I should do…” He started searching through his backpack. Good, he’ll find a pen then I can leave and never talk to him again…or until he comes looking for his pen.

That sounded a lot worse than I intended. I’m sure Shawn is a lovely guy. I mean, I couldn’t be sure, this was only my third time talking to him in the past year.

The first time was at the start of the year when he accidently bumped into me while walking out the lecture hall. Unlike most guys in our class, he actually apologised and helped me pick up all my books once everyone had left.

The second time was a few months after. I managed to get to the lecture early and snag myself a seat right in the back, my favourite place to sit; not only because the professor couldn’t see back that far so I could record his boring-as-hell speeches on my phone while I read, but because no one else every sat up there.

Until Shawn came in late one day and there were no seats left.

“Is this seat taken?” He panted from running up the stairs. Without taking my eyes off the page, I shook my head, happy that he didn’t move my bag from the seat next to mine as he sat down.

“What you reading?” Wasn’t he just full of questions.

Wordless, I flashed him the cover of The Great Gatsby. It was an ugly old copy from donkey years ago; the front cover had a giant stain from when my younger brother spilt orange juice on it. Pages had turned yellow with age, all crinkled from when I dropped it in the bath when I was ten, and the spine had been cracked so many times that the last few pages were beginning to fall out.

Yeah, I really needed a new copy.

Shawn shot me an apologetic smile, “…I don’t seem to have one. Sorry.”

I covered my disappointed with a grin, “Oh, that’s okay. Thanks anyway.”

At least I didn’t stutter this time. I did hear his slightly chuckle when I tripped over the chair as I walked away, but I tried not to think about that.

Crap. Crap, crapity-crap, crap. How the hell was I meant to do this essay now? My dorm was all the way across campus and would take me at least twenty minutes to walk there, and I didn’t bring my computer. I could go buy some pens from the librarian at the front desk, but as I looked through my bag it quickly became evident that I felt my purse at home too. There was another group of girls at the back of the room, but I didn’t know them and couldn’t bring myself to go talk to them.

Okay, no need to panic. I could get the books out and write it in my room. The librarian likes me, I’m sure she’ll let me take another two or three books out.

Packing up my stuff, I grabbed the heavy pile of textbooks from the table, then almost dropping them ten seconds later when I ran into what felt like a moving brick wall.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Shawn caught the top book before it crashed to the ground. Putting it on the table, he added five different coloured pens to the stack in my arms, “I wasn’t sure which color you wanted, so I just got all the ones I could.”

“Oh-umm-thanks?” I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, I was just shocked that he would even do something like this. It was small, but it was the nicest thing anyone had done for me in a long time.

I glanced up at him. He flashed me a sheepish grin, scratching the back of his head awkwardly as his cheeks began to flush a deep red.

“So, you’re doing the essay for Jenson’s class?” At first I was confused, because how the hell would he even know that? But then he pointed to the textbooks in my hand and it clicked.

I nodded.

Shawn chuckled awkwardly, “Would you mind if I sit with you? I’ve been trying to start it for hours now and have no idea what I’m doing.”

I nodded and was about to grab the book from the table, but Shawn got there before me. Like some cheesy rom-com, our hands brushed for a moment, making both of our cheeks hot. I quickly pulled my hand back, silently following him back to his table. I began setting my things out again.

Writing the essay with Shawn wasn’t that bad. Although I didn’t talk a lot, he had no problem with constantly cracking jokes to ease the tension. I’ve honestly never heard so many puns in my life.

By the time we finished, three hours had past even though it felt like no time at all.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” He asked as we left the building. The chilly October air smacking me straight in the face and I cursed myself for not brining my hat or scarf. I wasn’t stupid, it was past twelve at night, it was pitch black apart from a few streetlamps dotted here and there, it defiantly wasn’t safe for me to be walking home alone.

“I don’t want to put you out your way.”

“I don’t mind. It’s on the way back to my dorm anyway,” I could just about see his eyes widening, “That came out a lot creepier than I thought! I meant that I’ve seen you walk home from class a few times –“

“It’s okay.” I cut him off with a laugh.

“So, is that a yes?” He asked hopefully.


The Lazy Bastard’s Guide to Beating Rune Prana.

So this post is basically a somewhat short guide for those out there who, like me, did not have their shit together in this game but still want to get the best ending without having to kill themselves.

Hello there,… you! Tell me, would you like to beat the third arc of Rune Factory 4? You would? Well, let me ask you a few questions: Are your crafting and forging levels at at least 80? If not, did you know you can use the Heart Pendant to make yourself gain skill exp just a liiiiiittle faster? Is Frey/Lest at least level 130? Do you have equips that boost your stats into the thousands? Specifically, do you have equips such as Diamond Brooch, Wet Boots, and Rosary? Do you have the most holy and almighty and revered crafting items, the Racoon Leaves and Glitta Augite? Did you go to Sharance Maze and run around endlessly until you picked up high level weapons?

…No? Well… you are aware that this is the advice everyone will give you, correct? You must be frustrated. Everywhere you go, these are the only things anyone will tell you. And none of it’s working, and you know why. Because you don’t have the time or patience to get your crafting skills that high, even with the Heart Pendant. Because you’re at a low level because you keep dying in dungeons and potions are too expensive and you’re trying to save food items for the really hard parts of the game. You’re too poor to afford good equips, and not motivated enough to make them. Racoon Leaves and Glitta Augites are a mystery; even if you know where to get them, you can’t use them because once again, your crafting levels suck. You may or may not have Sharance Maze, but it’s a confusing place for you.


I’M SERIOUS. Here’s how it works: 

  • You’re going to use those 3000 Prince(ss) points to open up Sharance Maze, and guess what? You’re going to run around a bunch! Yes, this will be slightly annoying, but if you’re worried about dying you can take some party members with you. I hope you at least have a fairy rescued from a previous dungeon and the wolf from Sechs Territory to distract enemies. Now I’ll admit, this is basically the hardest part. Since you know you will die easily even with party members, you’re going to be warping out and then running right back in a lot. 
  • But the point of that is this: not to find good weapons, but first and foremost items. And not food either. The Love Potion and Object X you need can be found when you run around Sharance Maze, and they show up fairly often. I came across like 4 of each fairly easily, but you’ll only need one Love Potion and maybe 2 or 3 Object Xs.
  • First thing first: once you’ve got that Love Potion, WARP HOME AND SAVE ASAP. Next, find yourself a Dark Fairy. They’re large and purple. Now, you can also use Princess points to display enemy HP and Level, so I suggest you do that so that you know you’re nabbing a high-leveled one. This little trick worked on the first try for me. All you gotta do is find a Dark Fairy (in Sharance Maze of course, shoot for one that’s near level 300) and just chuck that potion at her! She (no pun intended) loves it to bits, and will gladly join you. Her stats? Through the fuckin roof. She’s twice as powerful as Venti. Yeah that’s right.
  • Next: do you have a dish called Grilled Snapper? Check your fridge: if you don’t have one there, don’t panic. They aren’t that hard to get, because if you’re pals with Porcoline, he gives you one on your birthday! There’s also a chance Porcoline may sell this dish at his restaurant, but I think to cook it you need to be level 51 on cooking, which you probably aren’t. No biggie. At the most, you just have to wait till your next birthday. ONCE YOU GET THE FISH DISH, SAAAAAAVE. Now this part oughta look familiar; guess where you’re going? That’s right, Sharance Maze again! Wheeeee! This time, your mission is to find a Minotaur King; (preferably near level 300) they’re super huge blue monster dudes that wear loincloths and carry frikkin huge axes. Scary. Go ahead and bring your Dark Fairy on this mission so she can help you fight/stay alive til ya find the big guy. Once you’ve found him, toss him the Grilled Snapper. Worked on the first try for me! This guy is just as suped-up as the Dark Fairy, but his physical attack is about 2k higher.

Wow, isn’t that amazing?! Now you’ve two extremely high-leveled party members! And guess what? That means pretty much everything from here is gonna be a cakewalk! …Well, except for a few more things, mostly regarding your equips. Don’t worry, it’s simple stuff.

  • Next is the Talisman. Now normally, this takes a crafting level of about 70 to make. And I have some good news and bad news. The good news is, you can get this item for free! …The bad news is, I’m not exactly sure if I remember where exactly I got it. But I’m pretty sure– like 90% sure– it comes from Margaret’s Event: A Performance Without an Audience. You can unlock this even if you play as a girl, so don’t worry. Anyways, complete that little event, and grab the Talisman. It will be a lifesaver when you get to places where you get poisoned. Since the Talisman reverses status effects, the icon above your head will say you’re poisoned, but it’ll actually be healing you. So once you get this thing, be sure to always have it in your inventory, especially for the Beach Area of Rune Prana and the Cave Area.
  • Now, for the strangest item on this list; that’s right, the bottle(s) of oil. You’ve got the Object X, right? Maybe even more than one? Good, because here we go. See, in various parts of Rune Prana, especially early on, there are some: enemies that throw powerful fireballs, a volcano area where some maps deal constant fire damage, and even some flame-shooting pillars and, at one point, a literal ring of fire that can and probably will instant death you. That’s where object X and Oil come in. Here’s how it works: If you look at the description of Oil, you’ll see it says “-31 resistance to fire”. Meaning, your fire resistance goes down about 30 percent if you use this in item upgrading. HOWEVER, Object X makes this a good thing! Why? Because, when used as an upgrading tool, Object X will REVERSE the effects of EVERY SUBSEQUENT ITEM USED TO UPGRADE AN EQUIP.  Meaning, you can take an equip of your choice, and where you would usually upgrade it with an item like a gem or root or whatever, put Object X instead! Then, you can upgrade the equip yet again with the Oil, thereby RAISING your fire resistance!  BEWARE, THIS IS IRREVERSIBLE. THE EFFECT OF OBJECT X AS A REVERSER WILL PERMANENTLY PERSIST ON ALL FUTURE UPGRADES OF THIS ITEM.  Anyways, I went ahead and applied this to my Platinum Mail and my hat, bringing my fire resistance up to over 60. It has literally saved my life.

Once that is done, you’re ready for Rune Prana! You’ll be impervious to poison, damn near impervious to fire, and you have two powerhouses who will quite literally be fighting all your battles for you. (Heads up, you can ride the Minotaur if you want to control him, and he’ll take all the damage so you don’t die super fast).

As far as actually getting through the floors/puzzles and such, there are other guides for that. Bring plenty of food/potions, and remember to save often. Hope you like being the healer, ‘cause that’s pretty much your job now!

The Foxhole Court, Chapter 10 – Your Friendly Neighborhood Shrink

In which we meet Betsy Dobson who appears to be Molly Weasley’s long-lost Ravenclaw sister, some quality Renee time happens, Kevin’s Stoic and Mighty Demeanor has nothing on Dan’s doughnuts, and actual school happens at some point but who gives a shit (spoiler alert: It’s not Neil Josten).

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Foxhole Court.

Keep reading

Seven Minutes in Heaven

Originally posted by mutant-101

Hank McCoy x Reader

Seven Minutes in Heaven

Author: Morgan

Prompt(s): “Hi! May I please request a cute fic with Hank McCoy? Like him and the reader like eachother and they won’t admit it until the other X-Men get tired of it and kinda urge Hank and the reader to confess?” and “Hi! Could oyu please do a oneshot with Hank (XMen) where the reader and him are dating and she kisses him to shut him up? Thanks!”

Note: Gonna change the second prompt a teensy bit to fit the first prompt. Also, takes place like right after First Class. At this point, Charles, Hank, Alex, and Sean are the only ones there. But for the sake of this fic, let’s pretend Erik and Raven are there too.

Warnings: FLUFF and Steam

Hank McCoy had had the biggest crush on you since the day you came to the mansion as a new teammate. A new X-Man. It was 3 in the afternoon about three weeks after you arrived that Hank was taking your measurements for your suit.

He wrapped the measuring tape around your waist, trying his hardest not to blush, but to no avail. He swallowed thickly, your closeness making him very nervous.

“You all right?” You asked with concern. He nodded.

“I just, um…yeah. Yeah I’m fine,” he mumbled. His tongue seemed to be tied in a knot.

“You sure?” You asked, pushing him upright. “Your face is all red. Do you have a fever?”

“I think,” he coughed. “I think I’m fine,”

“Okay good.” You smiled softly, looking up at him. “You have all the measurements you need?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah I’m good,” he nodded, pushing his glasses up his nose. You nodded and took a seat at one of the stools in the lab.

“You’ve got a lot of cool stuff in here, Hank,” you looked around.

“Thanks,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, your mutation is really something. I’ve, uh, never seen anything quite like it.”

“Is that an invisibility pun?” You smirked, shaking your head.

“I guess it is,” he laughed. “But I meant your force-fields. They’re getting really strong.”

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to-”

Everyone to the living room for a friendly game of spin the bottle. Charles projected through the house.

“Spin the bottle?” You asked, scrunching up your face in confusion. “There are like two girls here.”

“That’s odd,” Hank looked equally confused. “I guess we better head up there, huh?”

“Yeah.” You agreed, following him up to the living room where the others were sitting out on the couch, chatting and laughing and smiling. They were acting strange, but normal at the same time. Very odd, you decided.

“Great, you made it,” Sean crossed his legs. “Take a seat.”

“Actually, we couldn’t decide between Spin the Bottle and Seven Minutes in Heaven, so…” Alex shrugged, winking at Hank. You looked around at the others suspiciously.

“What are you-” Hank started.

“(Y/N), why don’t you go first?” Charles suggested. You shrugged and reached forward, spinning the empty Coke bottle. It spun and spun and then magically, very abruptly stopped at Hank.

You could have sworn you saw a glint of a metal paperclip sitting in the bottle before Alex and Erik shoved you and Hank into the nearest closet. The game was rigged. This was the plan all along.

You looked up at Hank, the only light coming through the slits in the door. His heart was racing. So was yours. You felt as if a tornado of butterflies was loose in your stomach.

“I think we’ve been set up,” Hank said after a long silence. You nodded.

“How did they find out that I-” you started, stopping yourself before you spilled your secret.

“That you what?” Hank asked, raising an eyebrow.

“That I…have a crush on you…”

“You like me? I thought you liked Alex!”

“Of course I like you! I’m just really shy, and when I get nervous…” you disappeared. “Oh no,”

“Where are you?” Hank asked.

“Right here.”

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything,” you nodded, not that he could see it anyways.

“I’ve had the biggest crush on you since the minute you walked through the front door, but you’re way out of my league and my mutation is-” You cut him off with your lips, unable to hold it in any longer. His eyes went wide and he backed up, his back hitting the wall. Hank bent forward and wrapped his arms around your waist as you reappeared, your hands cupping his cheeks.

You continued to kiss him, lips sliding across his. He stepped forward, pushing you against the other wall. His animal urges were coming to the surface. He pulled you up onto his hips, your thighs coming to rest on his waist. He groaned, a low growl coming from his throat. His muscles bulged. There was a *rip* as his body grew slightly, tearing the seams of his shirt. Fur grew all over him, thick and blue.

Just before things could hit another level, Alex opened the door.

“Woah!” he covered his eyes and stepped away. “My God Charles, I owe you ten bucks!”

Hank set you down, rubbing the back of his neck and smiling sheepishly.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to go blue…”

“Hank, your mutation is part of you. Don’t be ashamed of who you are.” You told him, slipping your hand into his. He smiled, fangs poking out the slightest bit.

“I needed to hear that,” he looked down at you. “I, uh, better put on a different shirt…”

“Right,” you nodded, squeezing his hand before he ran up the stairs. “Thanks for that, Erik.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked innocently.

“I saw the paperclip.”

“Maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe it was fate finally pushing you two together.”



Later that night, you and Hank were cuddling in his bed. He was wearing an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of loose grey sweatpants. You were laying on top of him, and his arms were around your waist.

“God, you’re so warm…” you hugged him tighter. He chuckled.

“Comes with being a big blue monster, I guess.”

“You’re not a monster,” you shook your head.

“Oh yeah? Then what am I?” he asked with an amused grin.

“You’re just a big cuddly teddy bear,” you tilted your face forward and kissed his cheek. He sighed, one of his hands gently and very carefully stroking your hair. He played with the strands between his fingers.

“I’m never gonna get enough of this.”

“Me neither…”

Bloody Ocean Waves: Chapter 3

All of the breath in my body left all at once. I could feel my heart rise to my throat. Keith was without a doubt the one holding me at sword-point. I mean I can feel him pressed against my back. And I’d recognize those abs anywhere. I knew this was unavoidable. It was only a matter of time but I didn’t expect it to come so soon. I’m going to die today by Keith’s hands. Or should I say sword? Hell, I don’t know how he’s gonna react. He might throw away his blade and then beat me to death. I mean it’s not likely but anything’s possible I guess. The real question is what I’d prefer. Definitely sword, it’d be faster and less painful. I mean I’d prefer to live but that is becoming less and less likely as the day goes on. I wonder if I don’t die right now how could this day get worse? Somehow I don’t think that could happen but I’ve been surprised before.


Oh shit right, Keith’s talking to me.

“Y-yeah.” My adam’s apple pressed awkwardly against the sharp blade when I spoke. “Yeah, it’s me.”

I felt Keith stiffen behind me. Speaking of which could he possibly back up a little? I really don’t want to feel him basically grinding on me in my final moments. Then again I once heard this phrase that was something along the lines of “The weak don’t get to choose how they die”. I’ve thought about that phrase a lot during my time in space. A weakling like me doesn’t get to die surrounded by my family like I’ve always wanted. Since becoming the Blue Paladin I’ve thought that I’d die on the battlefield. A battlefield millions of light-years away from everyone I’ve ever cared about. Instead, I’m gonna have to die uncomfortably close to Keith’s dick. Who would have guessed?

“Prove it.” He growled.

“You’re a dick.”

The sword pressed against my throat slowly moved away.

“Okay, it’s you.”

Once free I quickly stepped away from him and turned around. Keith had a firm grip on the handle of his sword but kept it lowered. His stance was clearly defensive but not aggressive. His bandaged hand was pressed tightly against his chest. It was clear that he was in pain, I just hope that he didn’t reopen his wounds. I mean I hope that he didn’t erase all of the hard work I put into taking care of him. I don’t care about his well being at all. Nope, not in the slightest he could drop dead for all I care. Anyway, this situation was, by all means, a surprise. Yeah, he knows that it’s me but he also knows that I’m a ghoul so why am I not dead? I avoided looking him in the eye.

“What happened?” To my surprise, he didn’t sound angry. He just sounded confused and… frail. This was wrong. Keith didn’t do frail. Keith’s an awesome pilot that does crazy stuff like fly through asteroid belts on the regular. He’s easily the best fighter out of all of us and Shiro’s right-hand man. Both figuratively and literally seeing as he forms Voltron’s right arm. He has been nothing but confident in both his skills and his decisions since we all became paladins. Seeing him this unsure was worrying. And those new drooping ears sure didn’t help the situation. Honestly, with that heartbroken face and those ears, I’d even go to say he looked cute. Like a cute little puppy dog, you had just kicked. Though to be fair the fact that he’s covered head-to-toe in blood and holding a deadly weapon sure negate that puppy dog effect.

I should probably answer him but… how? What exactly do I tell him? That I was born a monster but I’ve tried my whole life to be human? What does he even want to hear?! Fuck it I’ll just shrug that’ll probably work.

I bit my lip and gave him a half-hearted shrug. Well more like half-shouldered shrug since one of mine is completely unmovable due to excruciating pain. Keith’s grip on his weapon loosened and his lips tightened. He glared at me though it was lacking any actual anger, instead, he looked concerned? It’s kind of hard to tell with his new Galra-like eyes. At least he’s still got his pupils, I’ve only seen completely yellow eyes from other Galra. Pfft, I just came up with a funny pun, he “galred” at me. ‘Cus he’s Galra and he just glared at me. Haha, classic Lance. Right, serious conversation time Keith’s talking again.

“Lance that’s not an answer, what happened?!”

I didn’t want to admit it. Saying the truth out loud would make this all too real. I’ll just keep avoiding the question for as long as I can.
“Alright alright calm down, we rescued Allura and you got injured while fighting Zarkon” I mumbled ‘big surprise’ under my breath “Then both of us were hit by some weird magical beam courtesy of Haggar. And then while we were warping away something went wrong with the wormhole and all of us were separated. After having a pretty rough landing myself I found you looking all Galra-like and patched you up, and now we’re here.”

“You know that’s not what I meant-” He paused while his eyes grew in fear. “What did you say?”

Oh no, please god no this conversation doesn’t need to get any more awkward. Please spare me one moment of peace. He’s got to know right? I mean how do you just not know that about yourself. I mean I would have never guessed but… Keith has to already know he’s Galra right?? Please don’t make me explain to Keith that he’s Galra. How am I this unlucky why is it always me in shitty situations like this? Might as well bite the bullet already, who knows maybe the universe will give me a break today and not force me to explain to my teammate that he’s a monster. Keith is strong, stronger than I could ever be, but anyone would break down when they realize that they’re part of the species that we’re supposed to be fighting.
“That I found you looking all Galra-like?”

“Y-You’re joking right?” It sounded like even he didn’t believe what he was saying. Guess that confirms that theory. Keith didn’t know he was Galra and now I’m the bringer of existentially bad news. Man, this whole situation just sucks.

Then Keith caught sight of his hand. He dropped his weapon in shock and brought his hands to his face. His furry, purple, and clawed hands. The hands of a monster. He dropped to his knees and just kept staring at his hands blankly. His face was devoid of emotion. He just kept inspecting his hands. Like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His pupils were shrunk to inhuman sizes and his breathing panicked. Despite his fragile state he still refused to cry. Even in his toughest moments, he stayed stoic. I think he’s having a panic attack. How do I help him? I’ve helped Poco out of her panic attacks but Keith and she are completely different people. And I’m not that close with Keith I don’t know how to help him. I wish Shiro was here. Shiro was Keith’s adopted brother if I’m remembering what they told me correctly. Shiro would know just what to do. But I’ve got to try anyway.

“Hey, Keith budd-” I was cut off by him suddenly and violently scratching his hands apart. As if he could tear the fur right off of him. His new claws were doing serious damage to his already messed up hands. Purple blood started flowing from the new and deep wounds he had created. The sight of his blood only seemed to worsen his mood. He started scratching with even more force behind the movements. I had to stop him.

“HEY HEY WHOA!!” I screamed while I took him by the hand. He tensed up at the action as if I was hurting him. I loosened my grip in fear that I squeezed his already messed up hand too tightly. Ghouls are scarily strong, strong enough to accidentally break bones when all I want to do is a help. The moment my grip loosened he broke away from my hold and went to grab at his hair. But his hand brushed past his new ears. His lips tightened. He started clawing at his ears leaving deep gashes in the vulnerable flesh. I grabbed his hands without care for how strong my grip was. I held his broken hand in mine and the other with my kagune. I pinned his hands to the ground.

“Keith! KEITH!”

Now that he wasn’t ripping apart his ears I could see the damage. Both his ears and his hands were torn open showing just how sharp his new claws were. A large chunk of flesh was missing from his right ear. I could probably find it if I looked down. Keith was struggling under my grip but I kept him restrained. I was trying my hardest to not use too much force but with every second of struggling it seemed like it was my only option. After all, Ghouls are strong, but Galra can easily keep up with them when it comes to strength. I tightened my grip and called out to him again.

“Keith you gotta calm down!”

He wasn’t listening to me and I wouldn’t be able to hold him forever. I did the only thing I could think of. I smashed our foreheads together violently. He stopped struggling.

“Keith look at me.” I said seriously while making no room for protest. My temple was in a lot of pain, I ignored it.

He looked up and our eyes met. One pair a sharp and ugly red against pitch black. The other a deep indigo highlighted by an acidic yellow. Neither were human yet both would give anything to be.

“Repeat after me, alright?” I said before his attention could switch away from me. He slowly nodded while biting his lip. Poco always calmed down when I used this technique. Hopefully, Keith will react well to it as well.

“My name is Keith Kogane.”

“My name is Keith Kogane.” He repeated.

“I’m the pilot of the Red Lion.”

“I’m the pilot of the Red Lion.”

“A member of Voltron, defenders of the universe.”

“A member of Voltron, defenders of the universe.”

“I have a stupid mullet.”

“I have a stup- LANCE!” Damn, he almost fell for it.

“And I’m not a monster.” He hesitated to repeat after me. “Keith please.”

“And I’m not a monster.” He said at long last but it sounded dishonest. He wasn’t fighting me anymore. Instead, he was just sitting there looking lost and confused. It was pitiful to see such an incredible person at his weakest. If there’s a God out there he sure is a bastard, forcing such wonderful people to hurt themselves like this. Forcing them to be something that they never wanted to be. It’s funny that it took me this long to see his but Keith reminds me a lot of Poco. Both are undeserving of their situations. I wasn’t able to help Poco but I refuse to let Keith go down the same path. I would do anything to save him from himself.

“Could you let go of me?” He said in a tired tone.

“Only if you promise not to hurt yourself again.” He nodded softly. I reluctantly let go of him. He didn’t hurt himself but he didn’t move either. He just kept looking down at the floor. I extended my kagune to grab the med-kit lying on the other side of the cockpit. I slid it over to where we were sitting. I took a piece of cloth and soaked it in disinfectant. I softly took one of Keith’s hands and starting patching him up again. He didn’t protest.

Damn these are some serious scratches. Both of his hands were borderline mangled and drenched in purple blood. I pressed the cloth against his hand, he flinched but kept silent. I wonder if I should have cleaned the blood off first. Man, I really wish Poco taught me more about medical stuff. Once I figured that his wounds were clean I took another cloth and started wiping the blood off. Would be better if I had some water. Wait, I’m pretty sure Coran said that Altean bandages were waterproof during his med-kit explanation. That means I could clean myself off in the river without having to re-bandage anything. I would love to clean up after Keith’s better. Like seriously I’m sure being coated in blood isn’t good for my complexion. Once his hand was deemed clean enough I started wrapping it up.

I took his other hand and winced once I saw how bad it was. This was the hand that already broken, to begin with, so that was a good start. Keith really didn’t go easy on himself. For the most part, it looked like his other hand, deep gashes but nothing too serious. But there was one gash that was deep enough to reveal bone. I started patching this one up a lot quicker than I did the other hand. I pressed the disinfectant cloth into the wound and Keith jerked back in pain. I saw him bite down on his tongue to prevent a scream. I kept the cloth on regardless. I took another cloth from the med-kit and started cleaning up his hand.

“Haggar did this to us didn’t she.” I paused in my cleaning and looked up at him. I really wasn’t expecting Keith to speak up first.

“Yeah, she did.” I answered before continuing my rather poor patch-up job.

“We can’t return to the others like this.” I hummed an agreement.

“There’s got to be a way for us to fix this.” He continued.

“Maybe another druid could help?” I suggested.

“Maybe.” He mumbled while inspecting his bandaged hand with a weary expression. Guess he doesn’t trust in my ability to patch him up. Though to be fair I don’t either. I don’t have a clue to what I’m doing.

“Allura never mentioned that druid magic could do something as radical as a species change.” He said mostly to himself. Wait, what?

“Could you repeat that?” I paused in the cleaning of his wounds. There was no way what I think is happening is happening. The universe would never be so kind to me.

“I said that I didn’t know druid magic could change someone into something else?” He answered with a confused expression. Probably wondering why I would ask him to repeat that.

Oh my god, I can’t believe that something this good is happening to me. All of my good karma is coming together to create this one great act. Keith doesn’t realize that neither of us are human, he thinks this is completely due to druid magic. I have a chance to keep my secret. He doesn’t think I’m a monster. He still thinks I’m human. I can’t let him realize the truth I can’t let him know that I’m a disgusting freak. But this should be easy. I mean I’m already used to lying on a daily basis to the people I care about. All I have to do now is find a druid that can fix this while keeping the fact that neither of us are human a secret. Holy shit I could break into tears right now, it’s been a long day but things are finally looking up for me. Just have to keep the act up.

“Oh yeah! I mean I was super confused when I woke up like this.” I lied easily as I starting bandaging his hands up. He nodded his agreement but the action was cut short when he suddenly reached out and grabbed my shoulder. Honestly, I was surprised how gently he held me. He looked terrified and… concerned?

“Lance what happened to your arm!?”

“Hm? Oh, I had a bit of a rough landing, I’ll manage.” I waved his concern off.

“I’ll manage!? Lance, you lost an arm!”

I shifted out of his grip and returning to bandaging his hand up. If I act casual he won’t think it’s a big deal.

“It’ll grow back.” I said with a shrug.

That seemed to calm him down a bit though he still looked concerned for me. Though his concern was quickly replaced by discomfort.

“Oh, right.” He said awkwardly. He fidgeted slightly in his seat and avoided looking me in the eyes. Guess he doesn’t like being reminded of my “ghoulness”. Can’t really blame the guy, no one should be completely comfortable with a man-eating monster. Just goes to show how I need to do everything I can to keep the truth from him. Better switch the topic before things get even more uncomfortable. I’ll just start bickering with him like we always do, that’ll get rid of this serious mood.

“Took you awhile to notice, though.” I said slyly. “Guess you’re slower than I first thought.”

“I had other things to worry about.” He growled while his cheeks flushed a strange lilac color. Huh, I guess Galra do blush purple.

“Oh? So you’re admitting that you care more about yourself than me?” I said, though my words were lacking any real anger. Keith seemed to pick up on the fact that I was just playing.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He grumbled just as I finished bandaging his hand.

Now how do I treat his ears? Guess I’ll just wing it. I reached up and cupped his chin. He leaned into my touch, guess that means he’s letting me work on his ears. I moved his face to the side so I could get a better view of his wounds. His left ear had a few cuts on it but his right ear was missing a whole chunk of flesh. I gently dabbed the disinfectant on his cuts. He tensed at the action but stayed still enough for me to properly work on him.

“Man, you really owe me for this.”

“I feel like you should owe me.” He eyed his bandages with a raised eyebrow and a grimace.

“Excuse me! You don’t get to complain to the person who just saved your life.” I stopped cleaning his wounds so I could put my hand on my chest in an over-dramatic offense. He let out a huff of air in a mix of amusement and annoyance.

“You don’t have to do this you know. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”

“Oh please like you could do this any better.”

“It’d be a challenge not to.”

“A challenge huh?” I eyed him with a raised eyebrow and a sly smirk. I planted the still wet cloth in his hand and he winced at the sudden pressure on his injured hands. But he didn’t let that wince show for long. In fact, a normal person wouldn’t have even spotted it. But I’d like to consider myself a pretty observant person. And I know that Keith can never back down from a challenge, no matter how pointless it was. Though to be fair I’m just as bad. Actually, I’m even worse considering I’m the one starting these challenges most of the time. But it’s not like I’d admit that to Keith, I’d never admit a lot of things to Keith.

“Prove it.” I said with a cat-like smile as I sat back criss-cross apple sauce and planted my chin on my hand, elbow resting on my thigh. I could feel my kagune wave lazily behind me. Keith rolled his eyes at my tendency to make everything into a competition. Whatever, he can roll his eyes all he wants but he’s still the one that agrees to my challenges. At least this will give me a chance to relax while Keith does all the work. Besides, Keith would be much better at this than me. Not that I’d ever admit that out loud. He’s just so naturally gifted at everything, well everything besides talking, but of course, he would be just as talented in medicine. Though that’s not too much of a compliment considering I’ve been doing all of this with only one hand.

Keith set to work immediately leaving no room for messing around. He took some of the patches used for smaller wounds and set to covering all of his cuts. I would have figured the regular bandages would have been better but now that I’m thinking about it I’m not exactly sure how you would wrap his ears without covering his eyes as well. I eyed his wounds wearily. Most of them would probably scar. I figured they’d look kind of like tiger stripes once fully healed. The lines thinning and thickening in an intricate pattern that covered most of his ears. I wonder if it’s possible for Ghoul’s to get scars. I’d love to have a cool scar like Keith will. Girls love badass looking scars. Something noticeable like on my face but not big or messy enough to be considered ugly. Something like a cut on my eyebrow. Keith is gonna get so much attention from those sweet looking scars. Though, I guess his ears would look a whole lot less cool once Human again.

Once his ears were properly bandaged he started ripping off all of his other bandages and re-wrapping his wounds. My expression soured but I kept quiet. Those bandages were just barely clinging to his form before. As much as I’d hate to admit it he really does need proper care. And even with damaged hands, he could deliver that much better than I ever could. Man, why is Keith so badass? He’s super injured and just had a panic attack but he isn’t letting him phase him at all. He’s even dressing his own wounds while I just sit back and watch. What did he do to become so great at everything? Why is he so much better than me in every way? I mean he’s a better pilot and a better fighter, plus he’s Shiro’s favorite. When all of us were still on Earth Shiro was my hero and I always dreamed of getting his attention. And now that we’re all soldiers against our will I still lack his recognition. I mean I’m always trying my hardest but that’s always going to be nothing compared to Keith.

“Lance?” Oh looks like he finished redressing his wounds. And now he’s looking at me all concerned like. Damn, my expression must have given away my depressing thoughts. I can’t let this get to me, not in front of Keith. He doesn’t need another reason to see me as weak. I just have to stay strong until both of us are human-looking again.

“What’s up?” I hastily put on my signature smile and met his gaze. The moment our eyes connected he looked away from my face. My eyes must really freak him out and I can’t really blame the guy. I mean he must have been raised on scary stories about ghouls just like all other humans. Back on Earth ghouls lived hidden not out of personal choice but due to fear of death. All known ghouls were hunted and killed like wild animals. Even the “peaceful” ghouls that didn’t kill, like my family and I. It’s almost funny how humans were raised to fear ghouls yet ghouls were raised to fear humans even more.

“Never mind.” He muttered awkwardly. Keith has never been good at emotions. He dealt with swords and ships not talking and emoting. I guess a sincere looking smile is enough to ward off suspicion for now. Better change the subject before he could push me further.

“Hey, you’re one of those weirdos that prepare for the apocalypse right?”

“The term is survivalists but yes I am.” He looked sour at my comment about his weirdness. And I stand by my statement about him and his weird hobbies. Like seriously who spends their free time on stuff like cryptid hunting, conspiracy theories, and survival scenarios? He could be doing much more useful things in his spare time like actually taking care of that thing attached to his head he calls a mullet. I don’t think his hair has ever actually seen a shampoo bottle in his entire life. I mean that’s what I do in my free time, skin and hair care is no joke.

“So have you decked Red out with anything useful? Specifically a change of clothes and some towels?”

“Yes?” He said, clearly confused to why I was asking for such things.

“Because we, my now furry friend, are going for a dip.”

“A what?”

“We’re gonna go wash off.”

“Oh, yeah that’d be nice.” He said with as grimace as he looked down at his bloody and torn undersuit.

“So lead the way?” I got up to my feet and offered my hand to Keith. He took it and I pulled him to his feet. I looked down at him with a small smirk. Keith might be better to me than everything, receives Shiro’s affection, and isn’t a bloodthirsty monster but at the very least I’m a good deal taller than him. Keith took off to the other side of the cockpit and crouched down to a large metal box that had been attached to the floor. Looks like he had Red’s cockpit modified just like I modified Blue’s. Nothing big but just a few additions that we felt were necessary. Pidge and Hunk probably helped him just like they helped me since those two were in charge of mechanical stuff.

The box was locked and Keith took the padlock in his hand. A holographic screen with a keyboard filled with Altean symbols projected from the lock. So it’s an Altean padlock then, I haven’t seen one before. The Altean language is complete nonsense to me in both spoken and written form. But I guess that’s to be expected from an alien language. Keith started typing in an over complicated password that really should have ended at the fifteenth symbol. But no instead it kept going until I had lost count of how many symbols long it was. How does Keith even remember this code? Why did he make it so long? Oh wait I know the answer to that question and it’s because he’s a paranoid weirdo.

Finally, the lock clicked open and the holographic screen dissipated. Keith opened the lid of the box and inside was everything you’d expect and so much more. To the left were a collection of knives bundled together by a piece of red cloth, four folded up ponchos which of course were all red, several boxes of matches, a catalytic heater and some bottled gas fuel, and finally a folded up red sleeping bag. To the right were four Altean first aid kits like the ones we had in our lions, three canteens all full of water, a water filter, a mass of canned foods which ranged from “Canned Corn” to “Canned Narsfluf Meat”, a large net, some kind of super advanced space radio, six red flares, a notepad and a box of pencils, and a compass. And underneath all of that were a collection of sharp weapons which included a Swiss Army Knife, a hatchet, a machete, and a pair of bladed brass knuckles?? What would you ever need bladed brass knuckles for?! Holy shit man, what else is in here? That half broken pencil I lost in third grade!? My little sister’s misplaced teddy bear!? My long gone self-esteem!?

“My god Keith how did you even fit everything in here!?”

“Practice.” He said with a stone cold expression while looking me dead in the eye.

“Wha- you know what never mind, just get me a set of clothes and a towel.” I don’t think I’ve ever felt this defeated before.

“Alright.” He said before unpacking some of his supplies to reveal a second layer of bullshit hidden underneath the first layer. In this new layer I could see six sets of Keith’s usual outfit, a load of folded up towels and blankets, a portable stove, a bow saw, a set of armor, several red glow sticks, a few candles, a bunch of trash bags, and a parachute. Why would he even need a parachute? What is wrong with this box. I, a man-eating monster, and Keith, a furry purple alien cat-human hybrid, pilot giant mechanical lions and were hit by a magic lightning bolt cast by a space druid. And yet somehow a single metal box manages to be the strangest thing to ever happen to me. I’m pretty sure it is physically impossible to fit all of this shit into a single room and yet somehow he fit it all in a box.

“Why do you even need all of this…”

“It’s good to be prepared.” He said with a shrug and an innocent look on his face as if he didn’t break the laws of reality to pack this box.

“Look, man, there’s being prepared and then there’s whatever the hell this is!”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Keith! Look at everything in here! What is RIGHT about is!?”


“No I’m being serious here I’m sure some law of nature was broken today!”

“Lance stop.”

“If I had taken every object in my house and stuffed it all into a box, which I should mention isn’t POSSIBLE, it still wouldn’t be anywhere close to how much shit you’ve got here!!”

“Lance you’re being over dramatic.”

“I am not being over dramatic.” I said dramatically with a hand on my chest “What do you even plan to do with bladed brass knuckles and a parachute!? I could maybe understand the rest of it but what would you ever use a pair of bladed brass knuckles and a parachute for!?”

“I just wanted to be prepared.”

“FOR WHAT!?!?”


I wasn’t going to win this. I let out a deep and tired sigh as I rubbed my template. How did he even get all this stuff? Did he ask Allura or Coran for some Altean versions of regular Earth survival gear? Did he bring all of this from Earth!? No, I would have noticed I was the one that flew everyone off of Earth. There was no way he could have hidden this box while we were flying to Arus. I don’t even understand what half of this stuff would be used for. Keith is weird.

“Whatever, let’s just clean up already.”

Yahoo Movies exclusive interview with Robert Pattinson by Kevin Polowy

How familiar were you with the source material for Lost City of Z? Had you read David Grann’s book?

Yeah, James gave me the book when it was a totally different script. Or I may have read it long before there was even a script at all. I think at the time he was thinking about me to play Percy’s son. Because I must’ve only been about 21. And then I just kind of stayed with it as time went on, and it went through all these different casts. [Laughs]

It sounds like the script changed a lot through the years. What were the biggest changes made over time?

When I first read it, it was a straight action movie, like Indiana Jones. It was this rip-roaring adventure movie, and not this kind of epic, elegant saga that takes place over 30 years.

Costin is a much more minor character in the book. What did you build off of to shape him?

Well, I always thought with Percy’s character it would be a good idea to have a foil. I always interpreted Percy’s character as this man determined to fix the reputation that he thinks he’s deserved, and which his father has ruined for him. … He keeps going back to the jungle again and again and again, just to fix this insecurity. So I liked the idea of Costin being this character who basically had a total disregard for the English aristocracy or any kind of social climbing whatsoever. So he didn’t really want to bring anything back from the jungle, anyway. The entire point for him was just to go because he had nothing to live for in England.

How much information was out there about the real guy? Any sense of his military career?

Well, Costin in reality was a refrigerator salesman. There was an advert in the Times of London saying, “Adventurers Wanted.” That’s actually how he got the job. [Laughs] He was one of the only people who applied for it. But he was in the army — he was a physical fitness instructor. But really, I liked the craziness of just applying to be an adventurer.

You rock some pretty rad facial hair in this movie. Did that look grow on you — pun intended — or did you not care for it?

By the end, I was definitely over it. But at least when you’re shooting a movie with your face covered, there’s very little makeup to be done. It was definitely a “Get out of bed and that’s it” situation. That helped in the middle of the jungle.

You’ve played lead roles, you’ve taken supporting parts — this is more of a supporting role in an ensemble. Do you have a preference these days?

There are certain directors I just really want to work with, and you bring what you can to a part. But in some ways it’s kind of nice [to play a supporting role]. It is a little bit liberating because you don’t have to concentrate on the narrative thrust of the story. You’re just purely thinking about character and just embellishing it a little bit. But with this, I would’ve played any part in it, pretty much.

Costin has some great lines in this movie. I think one of my favorites is when you say to Hunnam, “We’re too British for this jungle.” Did you guys feel out of your element filming in the jungles of Colombia?

No, I really loved it. I guess in some ways, it was kind of hard. But it’s just incredible, going to work every day in a little boat, going up river in the middle of virgin jungle in Colombia. It was very, very close to being on vacation, to be honest. [Laughs]

But the type of vacation where you couldn’t eat anything?

Well, yeah. There’s a certain degree of harshness, and we were trying to lose as much as weight as possible in a really short period of time. So I guess there’s that element to it. But there’s a reason those guys wanted to keep going back as well. It’s amazing.

Do you consider yourself pretty adventurous? Could your relate to that thirst for exploration?

Yeah, definitely. I do sometimes find myself gravitating toward a job just because it’s shooting out in the middle of nowhere. If I’m shooting in a city, generally it can become a repetitive scenario. If you have anyone taking pictures on their phones, it just constantly reminds you of the reality of your life. And I find it becomes a little more difficult. Whereas if you’re out in the jungle and everyone is on the same page as you, you just sort of believe in character a little bit more.

What is your own personal Amazonian adventure? What is the biggest risk you’ve taken in your career so far?

I don’t know: I’ve done things which I thought were going to be really risky, which ended up not being risky at all. I generally try to keep finding ways to push the envelope as much as I can, and whenever I get the opportunity to do it, I generally try to take it. But I don’t really worry about taking risks, to be honest.

What’s something you thought was risky that ended up not being so?

I did this movie years ago called Bel Ami, which was at the height of all the Twilight stuff. It was this Guy de Maupassant novel about a guy who seduces women specifically to screw them out of their money and ruin their lives. I thought that was a relatively subversive choice to make at the time. [Laughs] And no one really seemed to think the same thing.

What is your relationship with your Twilight fan base these days? Has the madness that surrounded your life calmed down at all?

It’s definitely calmed down in terms of my everyday life, but mainly because I spend more time in London, which is totally different. And I’m doing more parts that just sort of interest me, while in a lot of ways taking a little bit of a step back just to learn and get better. I guess I’ve never really acknowledged what the fan base is, or even if I have one. [Laughs]

Oh, you have one.

But, yeah, I’m always pretty curious about what people say afterward, and who turns up, who likes the movie. It’s always kind of random. But I love it when someone who you just really wouldn’t expect says, “Oh, I liked you in this.”

What films have been most unexpected?

It’s always just really strange. I’ve done a bunch of movies which I thought might’ve been impossible to be seen. There was this film Little Ashes, where I played Salvador Dalí, from years and years ago, and just the other day I was walking down the street and somebody came up and said, “Oh, that’s my favorite film!” You kind of forget that people even watch your films. [Laughs]

What do you think of all the universe building that is going on in Hollywood right now and the possibility that they could reboot Twilight and expand its world? Could you ever see yourself playing Edward Cullen again?

Really, they’re expanding it? So I’ll get my own spin-off? [Laughs]

Potentially! It could be called Edward: Homecoming.

Yeah, exactly.

But would you ever dip back in if the opportunity presented itself?

I mean, I’m always kind of curious. Anything where there’s a mass audience — or seemingly an audience for it — I always like the idea of subverting people’s expectations. So there could be some radical way of doing it, which could be quite fun. It’s always difficult when there’s no source material. But, yeah, I’m always curious.

What type of role haven’t you been offered yet that you’re eager for?

I sort of, to a fault, rely a little bit too much on being inspired by things that land on my doorstep. I literally just did this movie called Good Time, which I think is a really interesting role. But I would’ve never, ever predicted that I would’ve liked it. [Pattinson plays a New York bank robber running from the police.] I think that he’s basically the embodiment of an angry commenter on the Internet.

That sounds great.

Well, if you watch the movie you’ll probably be like, “Huh? What are you talking about?” But one of my favorite things to do — this is quite embarrassing — but you know how when you look on Amazon and you see a product that’s got a consumer review that is so scathing, on like an electric toothbrush or something? Like, literally buying this toothbrush has ruined this person’s life. I always click on that person’s buying history, or their other reviews, and I’ll just read them for days and days. And I’m really amused. These people just have to vent this kind of furious anger on product reviews. I’ve always found that sort of character really interesting. [Laughs]


“The Lost City of Z”, opens today April 14 2017 in NY and LA, with a wider release on Friday, April 21.