hyrule warriors spoilers

  • LoZ: Child goes on adventure because he feels like it
  • Adventure of Link: Child gets roped into another adventure because the girl from the first one won't wake up
  • Link to the Past: Pig is the opposite of a furry and pretends to be human to conquer the world. New boy's uncle dies. He isn't having it.
  • Ocarina of Time: Shows how Pig fell from attractive desert man to a furry. Also time travel.
  • Majora's Mask: Someone at Nintendo has issues. Also time travel.
  • Link's Awakening: Boy falls asleep and dreams of protecting his beach waifu.
  • Oracle of Seasons: Boy gets a boner for a goddess incarnate and rescues her from an Iron Knuckle cosplayer
  • Oracle of Ages: Same thing but the goddess is blue and the Iron Knuckle cosplayer is now a hot sorceress. Also time travel again.
  • Wind Waker: Moana without dark skin or a female lead and also like 15 years before Moana.
  • Minish Cap: Nintendo's fetishes get out of hand.
  • Four Swords Adventures: This time there's FOUR BOYS. You did not have enough friends to play this game like it was meant to be played. Nobody did. Switch re-release pls.
  • Twilight Princess: The edgy one. If you were 13 at the time this was your favorite Zelda. You know exactly why. Introduced Edgy Waifu Supreme, who would hold that position for years to come.
  • Phantom Hourglass: Moana again but there's an asshole with you.
  • Spirit Tracks: Choo choo. Girl dies.
  • Skyward Sword: It's the worst one. But it's still great. Also more time travel.
  • Link Between Worlds: Link to the Past again but there's a shadow world where people are hotter and usually evil.
  • Hyrule Warriors: Boob Witch tears the timestream apart because of her boner. This time the time travels to you. A lot of people hated this /Japanese Made Action Game from Koei Tecmo/ for being too anime.
  • Tri-Force Heroes: This time there's THREE BOYS. They ate the purple one for sustenance because Nintendo doesn't feed them anymore. Nobody liked this one. I lied this is the real worst one.
  • Breath of the Wild: Religious dad fucks over the entire world. Amnesiac small boy catches things on fire.
Let’s talk about Linkle

So, there was a pretty huge divide when she was revealed. Some people loved her, others hated her. And why is she called Linkle? Well, there’s a lot they didn’t mention when they revealed her that I feel they really should have.

In Hyrule, it’s common for parents to tell their kids that they’re the legendary hero. It’s much in the same of how in real life, parents tell their kids that Santa delivers presents on Christmas.

Linkle still firmly believes that she’s the legendary hero;

So, basically, she’s just a huge dork that still believes she’s the legendary hero and probably still believes in Santa Claus too. She’s not “genderbent” Link from another dimension, and she’s not his sister, or anything like that.

I think they should’ve picked a different name for her, I think she’d be more accepted that way.

On the ligher side of this, Link is now the equivalent of Santa Claus. Enjoy that thought.

A loooong time ago some anon suggested Cia and Lana fighting over Link, and I just pictured that, being the cutie patootie he is, maybe he’d agree to go on a date with both “just once.” It gets all kinds of complicated and wrong of course! But it’s all for Hyrule’s good isn’t it? Oh, it’s so hard to be a hero~


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