hyper realistic tattoo

a collection of les mis headcanons

- jehan is actually seven foot three, and all limb
- bousset sleeps with a teddy bear named alfred. he has one eye missing
- marius collects happy things. most of his collection is in a small notebook he keeps in his back pocket, just little reminders scribbled out like ‘saw a dog on first avenue. 11:30 am’ or ‘found out cute girl’s name and favourite colour. cosette, pink and teal’
- enjolras takes his coffee with four sugars, whatever syrup strikes his fancy, and lots of foam. this dude has been known to buy a babycino with his coffee, just for the extra foam. someone stop him. 
- bahorel is afraid of needles
- combeferre alphabetises his bookshelf. its relaxing. 
- courfeyrac re-organises it by colour. for ferre, this is not relaxing (courf is also five foot two. hes tiny and sparkly)
- eponine has a really freaky, hyper-realistic tattoo of gills on one side of her ribcage, because no matter how deep she gets, she’ll never drown. 
- grantaire writes. he’s been writing a memoir of sorts, maybe a journal. somewhere to vent his love for enj, his friends, his art. also somewhere to write 30 page essays on why he can appreciate warhols ‘fuck you or whatever im rich and fake babes!!!!’ approach to art, he doesnt fucking care about the fucking soup can, all of warhols art is pretentious and flimsy and awful, and YES he knows thats the point that doesnt make it good or worthwhile, please stop putting this on the syllabus and making it worth 30% of my final grade or ill personally go to warhol’s grave, empty a can of campbell’s over it, dig a hole, and hump warhol’s soup soaked grave i swear to fuKCINg god.
- joly’s favourite animals are bunnies
- musichetta has bad skin and shes not insecure abt it
- cosette has a lisp of sorts, her “sh” and “chs” dont come out right. they sound sort of… gummy and airy
- feuilly’s favourite food is chicken carbonara, which bahorel cooks terribly but often. feuilly is v grateful. 
- gavroche loves disney channel, les amis have lots of slumber parties that serve a dual purpose; giving gav a place to sleep, and fuelling his disney obsession. 
- parnasse is incredibly intelligent, with a wide knowledge bank of everything from psychology to animal behaviour to trigonometry to the history of maritime engineering, but he cannot read or write. 

I mean, maybe you’d be okay with letting a demon pick your tattoo for you if you found the world’s least creative demon. If you give creative control to an entity that is, at best, chaotic neutral, you’re setting yourself up for lifelong regret. Hell, even the nicer demons are like… professionally obligated to be tricksters. It’s in the job description to make deals and grant wishes in the most obnoxiously literal way possible. 

You want a simple tattoo? Okay - how about a single, solid black stripe the length and width of your entire body? How about a hyper-realistic tattoo to look like you have a parasitic infection? On your eyelid? Dark spots to accentuate the pores on your nose? A portrait of your grandmother on the shaft of your penis? A barcode for an expensive product on the top of your finger? Wrinkles? Track marks? A spell that will allow the demon to re-possess you at any time? Your social security number and bank account information on your forehead? The URL for revenge porn of you? Racial slurs above your upper lip? A scelera tattoo? Fake sores around your genitalia? A culturally-appropriative tattoo in a prominent place? Uneven eyebrows? Misspelled words? Insulting phrases in Chinese? A really, really high buttcrack?

Don’t let demons pick your tattoos.