hyper move


A friend told me she was going to LA, but not to see comedy or go hiking or anything particularly fun. She’s helping a friend move.

Which led to us joking about how LA is the city of moving, and how she hopes LA lives up to all the moving hype. So then I opened up Photoshop and made a bunch of quick, shitty fake promotional images for Los Angeles as a city where people are always moving.

Making hyper-specific goofs for one person feels great, because when you send something like this, I’m sure part of them is thinking, “No way he actually put effort into this throwaway joke.”

But that very process has led to some of my favorite goofs! I rewrote a Duolingo email because I overheard two friends talking about how they woke up to that guilt-trippy email from Duolingo. I made that joke thinking about how I wanted those two specific people to laugh and not much else, and I think that one tweet has been passed around on the internet enough to where it’s been seen over a million times now.

I think my point is, making something is more fun if you think of it as a gift more than a piece of work.

I hate how sensitive I am. I hate how people’s words stick and linger in my mind for so long. I know they didn’t mean things a certain way but I stay analyzing that shit for the rest of the day and I just get sad. I hate being hyper aware of how people move and hyper critical of the things I say. This is all so draining I wish I was just oblivious and lived in ignorance I want to stop this over stimulation of things :(


“Hello?” You said answering the phone, you were at Stiles’ house studying when Scott called you. “(y/n), listen Stiles is the spirit, Stiles is possessed we’re on our way to his house, can you meet us there? I think you and I might be able to get through to him.” Scott said, you froze suddenly hyper aware of every move Stiles–no, not Stiles, the thing possessing him–was making. 

“Really? Wow, that’s amazing!” You asked in a surprised tone, trying not to let the Nogitsune know what was really happening–you weren’t sure if the thing had supernatural hearing.

“You’re already there aren’t you?” Scott asked, you could hear the panic in his voice–it made it so much harder to hold your mask together. “Obviously.” You said with a small laugh and a smile. “Hold tight we’re almost there, don’t hang up okay?” Scott said sounding extremely desperate. “Do you really think I’m that stupid?” You said hiding the seriousness of your statement with false sarcasm.

“They’re not going to make it in time.” The nogitsune said coming up behind you. He crushed the phone with ease and tossed the remains away from you. “Give him back to me.” You said trying to block back your tears. “I will, I’ll leave him. He’s just a temporary vessel, you’re going to be mine.” He said smirking as he stroked your cheek brushing away a stray tear. 

He took you with him downstairs with him. Fighting him was pointless, you could have Stiles pinned down in a minute, but this wasn’t Stiles, the spirit would be much stronger than you. 

He sat you down on the couch and kneeled down in front of you. “Now my child, my precious human, say a word of any of this to Scott and I will kill Stiles.” He said in a calm tone that made every word come out sounding much scarier. You took a deep breath and nodded knowing you wanted nothing more than to keep Stiles safe. 

“Very good.” He asked placing his hand on your cheek once more. “Soon we’ll be together little one.” He said, at that moment the door burst open and Scott came rushing in. “Let her go.” He growled, his eyes alpha red. “Come and get her.” The spirit said with a dark smile crossing his features. The spirit lifted you up and took off running out the back door with you in his arms. 

He was strong and fast, you’d lost sight of Scott but you knew he was still following his scent. The spirit stopped and set you down. “You’re mine, little one.” He said before crashing his lips on to yours. You don’t remember what happened next but both of you fell unconscious. 


“(y/n), are you okay?” Scott asked shaking you awake. “Scott?” You asked using one hand to shield your eyes from the sun, the other hand was pressed against the ground to lift you up. “Where’s Stiles? Where’s the creature?” You asked bit and pieces coming back to you. “We have him back at the house, he’s tied up, he can’t hurt you.” Scott said brushing your hair back. 

“Can, um, can you take me home? I don’t feel well.” You said as the arm that was holding you up gave out. Scott caught you and picked you up with ease. “Yeah, let’s get you home.” Scott said. you fell asleep in his arms so you didn’t realize that he’d carried you all the way home and tucked you into bed. 


“Hello again little one.” The creature still looked like Stiles. “Get out of him.” You said not bothering to hide your rage. The creature just laughed, a cold, dark, haunting laugh. “I am out little one, this is your mind.” He said cruelly. 

“Why? Why can’t you leave us alone?” You screamed at him. He smiled. “Because you’re perfect, even better than your dear Stiles. You have so much self loathing, you think you’re worthless, you bring nothing to the table–you might be right. However, whether that’s true or not it doesn’t matter because you’re mine now.” He said possessively. 


Your eyes snapped open, they weren’t your normal eye color, they glowed Nogitsune white for a moment and then adjusted back to your natural hue. Your hand raised up in front of you, your hand curled up in a fist a few times and a smirk came across your face. The nogitsune approved, this new host was stronger. 

You stood up and looked out the window, four figures–the oni–formed out of the shadows. “Let’s get to work.” The words were said using your voice, they came out of your mouth, but you weren’t the one to say them. You were a passenger in your own body–it was the spirits turn to call the shots.

Requested by Anon

My friend makes poor choices.

This is in the Marvel Superheroes FASERIP system.

Me (DM): A fairly normal guy but can detect powers and has a gift for shooting.

Player A: A half Centaur with the abilities to control and speak to plants as well as serial immortality

Player B: can move at hyper speed

Player C: Can animate images and uses ninja weapons.

Gorilla guy: super strong and armoured.
Fire and Ice: Can shoot fire and Ice from his body and coat himself in both.
Gang bangers: obviously just mostly normal guys.

Me: A giant man resembling a gorilla grabs a ficus and is using it to beat other people. You can hear the ficus shout “EYY! Holmes you gotta save me!” (The Ficus grew up in South LA)

A: I’m going to grow the tree that the gorilla guy has in his hands. (Rolls a 6)

Me: It wiggles.

B: I’m gonna punch the other guy. (Rolls a 12)

Me: *sigh* you trip.

C: I’m going to call forth Naruto (his character is a weeb) *rolls a 35 (minimum success)

Me: You pull out original Naruto who shouts believe it and is then shot.

Continue fucking up (even my rolls)

Tree guy has been shot in the neck, stabbed twice, and is bleeding out. Everyone else has been injured including me.

Me: well that could’ve gone worse.

Horoscope for April 3rd, 2016
  • Aries: You could lapse into pessimism. Suddenly, the glass appears half empty and everything looks bleak. You feel like you're going around in circles. You might ask yourself what you're doing it all for anyway. You can talk yourself out of this mood as easily as you talked yourself into it. It might not seem possible, but you must trust that it's necessary in order to see the glass as half full again.
  • Taurus: You might be much more aware of yourself than usual and hyper-alert to every move you make today, especially around others. You're feeling self-conscious about your words, and you could be constantly wondering if you're saying the right thing to the right person at the right time. Too much self-analysis could drive you completely insane if you aren't careful. Try not to take everything so seriously.
  • Gemini: Your attitude is calm and matter-of-fact when talking to others. You tell it like it is while omitting the frills and fantasies. You have no reason to hide the truth, so you're happy to disclose information to any willing listener. Be careful because you could get into someone else's private business uninvited. If you hear some secret information, you could tell it to others who definitely shouldn't hear it.
  • Cancer: You're likely to have tremendous concentration that seems to have materialized out of nowhere. Use this to your advantage because it may not last long. You're usually blown from one thing to another like a leaf in the wind, and it's hard for you to settle on one project or issue for an extended time. You may have to shut a few people out in order to finish some tasks, but that's fine. Do what you have to do.
  • Leo: Be careful about shutting yourself off from the rest of the world. You might hesitate to talk to people. You could have the feeling that they're unworthy of your time. Perhaps you feel that your problems are more important and that others are too concerned with superficial things to understand the true depth of your nature. Isolating yourself certainly isn't going to remedy the situation. You really need to communicate more.
  • Virgo: You might talk as if you possess many lifetimes of wisdom. Perhaps you do, but that doesn't mean you should be arrogant about it. Your words might have the tone of a sage schooled in every subject. As a result, you could grow frustrated with others who act immature or uneducated. It isn't your job to judge. Help others understand the bigger picture instead of assume they're unworthy or unwilling to learn.
  • Libra: Once you've made up your mind, it's doubtful that anyone can change it. You're set in your ways and your plans are set in stone. Having this solid base to stand on will let others support you effectively. You're trustworthy and predictable. Others can depend on you and know where they stand in relation to you. Don't let self-doubt slip in. This is your time to stand tall and proud.
  • Scorpio: You might be hard and cold when it comes to the facts, and you could come across as tough and rather harsh. In reality, this often just masks your sensitive interior. Perhaps you're insecure about your feelings and how you express yourself. People might never know this because you're so good at showing only the strong-willed, electric side of your personality. Be careful of being too stingy about sharing yourself with others.
  • Sagittarius: You're likely to be feeling a bit lonely, perhaps even isolated. Maybe you think no one else has your same wild thoughts running through their heads. You'd be surprised to learn how many people do. It's unlikely, however, that you'll share these thoughts with anyone, especially now. Don't feel like you have to. Just know that you aren't alone and that you have a network of support at all times.
  • Capricorn: If you have the opportunity to teach someone a lesson, feel free to do so. There's probably someone in your world who could use a bit of instruction now. You'll have the patience and clarity of words to straighten things out and make the correct path obvious. Don't be stingy with your knowledge. The situation will improve for you and everyone else when you selflessly spread your wisdom to others.
  • Aquarius: You could hesitate to take the initiative. Instead, you'd rather wait and see how things pan out before you make a major move. Your movements are hindered in some way, although you may not be sure why. It's best to go with your intuition and not question too much. Just know that you're better off taking the safer route rather than walking too far out on the thin ice.
  • Pisces: You could feel increasingly uncomfortable as the day goes on. Perhaps you're tongue-tied in conversations - quite rare for you. The problem is that you simply don't know what to say, or if you do, you don't feel comfortable saying it in front of these people. Perhaps you feel you've lost your edge. Don't despair. This is only a passing phase. You should return to your full-blown communicative self before long.