hyena-pets

Request - Harley Quinn

Word Count - 3789

Warnings - Smut, mentions of cheating, kink, alcohol.

Requests are open.

Summary - Harley and “y/n” (girl), walking the hyenas and having our pets, and living in an apartment arguing like a regular couple over regular things and having some really kinky sex? Similar to the cage or such in suicide squad or tazers/vibes c;. Anonymous.

GIF NOT mine, credits to whoever made it.

Originally posted by murderous-manipulative-angel

Harley’s babies were pulling on you while she skipped along, it was cold outside, it was actually snowing. Harley was wearing white jeans, and a pink sweater and her blonde hair was down, you had put her a white beanie and she looked so cute. “So puddin’, I was thinking that maybe we could go on a date night.” She said, grabbing your arm and you smiled nodding, before pulling you closer, she kissed your temple and you smiled. “I love you.” You said and she smiled,, she put her cold hands on your hips and pulled you closer, she leaned in closing the gap between you two and kissed ypu, her lips were warm and sweet, you felt like you were in heaven, there was no doubt in that. The kiss made you lose grip on the hyenas and you pressed your forehead against hers, your lips barely touching, smoke coming out of your mouths as you tried to regain breath. The hyenas ran off to scare the population. “The-“ You started to say but were cut off by her lips on yours again. “Don’t worry.” She said breathlessly. You put your hands around her neck, you were cold and wanted her to give you the warmth that you needed, your lips moving softly, but you couldn’t resist the urge to bite her lip, making her gasp and you took that advantage by slipping your tongue in, you tasted something metallic but you let it go and tangled your hands in her blonde hair. “Hey, get a toom!” You heard someone say, you turned around to see Ivy with Harley’s babies, you chuckled and went towards her, hugging her and giving her a quick kiss. “Hey.” You said and turned around to see Harley, touching her lip and her index finger coated by blood, her lips were pink but started to get a little bit red. “So Y/N didn’t know that you could be like that kissing.” She joked and all three of you laughed, Ivy gave you the hyenas and hugged Harley. “You should see her in bed.” Harley joked and smirked, you started to blush. “Look who’s talking.” You said and slipped your hand in hers, giving you warmth and satisfaction. “So, I came to tell you both that I’m going to a party and that you are both invited.” Ivy said, looking hopeful and rearranging her green scarf. “Of course we will right puddin’?!” Harley squealed and let go of your hand. “Sure.” You said and went behind Harley, hugging her, your arms wrapped around lazily around her neck and going down to her breasts were you touched a little. “But who’s going to take care of my babies?” Harley said, squatting down to see them, scratching their head and smiling. “Um I dunno.” Ivy said and you chuckled, Harley looked at you with puppy eyes and sighed. “Sorry, but maybe we’ll pass.” Harley said, disappointed and you kissed her cheek. “No, you go, I’ll stay home and take care of them, maybe let them wander around through the city, find them a play date.” You said chuckling and Harley turned around to hug you. “Oh puddin’ that’s why I love you so much!” She said and you chuckled, nuzzling against her. “I need to pick out a dress, will you come Harls?” Ivy asked and you pushed her a little. “Go.” You whispered in her ear and she smiled, you gave her a quick peck. “You sure? I don’t wanna leave you alone.” She whispered in your ear, her lips grazing it and you started to feel better by the warmth of her hug. “Go with Ivy, I can see that you’ve missed her and who am I to tell you no?” You said and kissed her nose. “Thanks puddin’, I love you so much and I’ll be back home by twelve o’clock.” She said and you smiled, nodding and she went with Ivy.

You walked around the city until you went back to the little house that you shared with her. Her baby’s were outside playing and it was approximately seven p.m. You went outside to play with them and when you got tired, you let them go around the city, trusting them as they went off. It was almost eight o’clock and you headed inside. You warmed yourself up some tea and put a blanket on the couch, it was really cold so you went in to Harley’s dresser and grabbed one of her sweaters. It was warm and a little bit oversized, since she bought it for you.

You watched a couple of movies until you realized that it was one o’clock. You decided to call Harley and tell her to come home. The temperature dropped and you started to tremble, with your shaking hands you grabbed your cellphone and called her. ‘Hiya! It’s Harley Quinn and I’m too busy so leave your message!’ You heard her voicemail and you spoke to the phone. “Baby, it’s getting late can you please come home?” You said and hung up. You had left her about a dozen messages pleading for her to answer her phone, it was two thirty a. m and you were going to try a last time. “Hello?” A female voice said, you couldn’t recognize it. “Uh, yes, hello um… can I please talk to Harley?” You said and waited, the voice started to laugh. “She’s so tired, we had a long night if you know what I mean, she is sleeping, maybe I’ll tell her later to call you. Okay?” She said and you felt your blood boil, you hung up and positioned yourself on the couch, you tried to stay awake but you couldn’t.

Harley entered the house, stumbling. She was a little bit drunk, and she saw you, sleeping on the couch. She smiled and picked you up bridal style and you started to wake up when she put you under the covers. She changed and took off her make up quickly before getting in bed with you, she could hear your teeth chattering and you were trembling so much. She hugged you and intertwined her legs with yours, she was starting to fall asleep but you talked. “You stink of alcohol.” You said and furrowed your eyebrow, with your eyes still closed. “You’re lucky I’m so cold or I would have kicked your pretty ass to the couch.” You said and she chuckled. “Hug me, I’m cold.” You said before nuzzling to her side, your arm on her waist and she pulled you in, kissing your head. “I love you.” She whispered in your ear and you smiled before falling again to sleep.

“Puddin’, wake up.” You heard Harley say, feeling her lips against yours, feeling her lips on every part of your body. “I’m mad, don’t talk to me.” You said, pulling the covers over your head. “Please, I made a mistake, I cooked you breakfast.” She said and smiled hopefully. “Go tell that to your friend from last night, plus how aren’t you hungover?” You asked and she chuckled, passing her hand through your hair. “Two glasses of water before bed.” She said and sat down, by your side. “I hate you so much.” You said playfully but she grabbed you and pulled you out of bed. “Come on my sleepy head.” She cooed and you gave up, she stood up and carried you towards the little kitchen that you both had. “I sometimes hate you so much.” You said as she sat you down, there was fruit, pancakes, juice. “Where were you last night?” You asked and she laughed nervously. “At a party with Ivy.” She said and you lifted your eyebrow. “Are you sure of that?” You asked and she nodded. “Where else would I go?” She asked and kissed the top of your head.

It was ten a.m and you were snuggling against the couch with Harley, her warm hands were strapping you closer to her, she was hugging you and hearing you breathe. “I love you.” You said, looking up at her and smiling, giving her a quick peck on her lips. She smiled before putting her head down and starting to kiss your jaw to your lips, every kiss that she left on your skin was electrifying. “I love you too, puddin’.” She said and moved her lips to your neck, she started to bite and you laid down, you were craving her touch. She opened your legs and positioned herself in between them. She bent down and started to kiss you, from your abdomen to your lips. She placed a hand on your thigh, making circular motions and you grabbed her hips, pulling her down and starting to kiss her, you moaned slightly and she smirked, making you take off her shirt, you looked at her breasts and gave them both attention, by placing your hand on them. You looked at her, her breathing was becoming shallowed but when you looked down at her breasts, there was a trail of love bites. You were sure that you didn’t put that on there. “Get off of me.” You said, pushing her away and stopping your movements, she looked at you curiously and furrowed her brow. “What’s wrong puddin’?” She asked oblivious of the trail on her. You huffed and got away from her. “You weren’t with Ivy last fucking night.” You said, and she looked at you curiously. “What?” She asked, but you were already putting on your brown coat and boots. “Just, talk to me when you want to tell me the fucking truth.” You said, opening the door and going out, you slammed the door behind you and went outside, you didn’t know that destination but you wanted to get away from here.

You saw Ivy, in a distance and she waved towards you. You smiled weakly and went towards her, hugging her. “Hey Y/N where’s Harley?” She said and you just scoffed. “Back home, we kinda got in to a fight, well I yelled at her because we were about to fuck and there were love bites that I didn’t do.” You said, and she smiled weakly, giving you a hug. “Go talk to her, she did come home on time right?” She asked, soothing you and you just shook your head. “I don’t know at what time she got home, I fell asleep, probably around three.” You said and she looked worried. “She went away at eleven thirty last night from the party, she couldn’t have been drunk since she only drank a margarita and then left.” She said and you shook your head, passing your hand by your chin and up to your lips. “Look, let’s go talk with her, she probably doesn’t know what happened.” Ivy said and you shook your head. “Sorry, but I need some time alone, plus go with her babies.” You said and walked to the park, just as you suspected, her babies, were playing along. You whistled and they looked at you. “Come on, let’s go home.” You said, petting them and putting on their leash. You walked with them until you reached the house, you opened the garage door, slowly and careful to not make a noise, they sat down and started to eat the meat that maybe Harley put before you woke up. You walked around the house before, finally, going inside. You took off your boots and coat, putting them up quietly before looking at the living room where Harley was. Ivy saw you and put her finger on her lips, signaling you to be quiet.

“I- I didn’t d- do it.” Harley cried, stuttering and muffled because her hands were on her face. “I know you didn’t but, what happened?” Ivy asked, soothing her back. “I just remember drinking the margarita that girl bought me, I remember starting to walk out and then she was behind me, she took me to her house and practically abused me, after that I just remember looking at a bunch of alcohol bottles, a- and looking at h- her n- naked, I took off as fast as I- I could.” Harley said and Ivy looked worried. “Sweetie, do you really love Y/N?” Ivy asked and you stopped breathing. “O- of course I do, I wouldn’t be here crying if I didn’t.” She stated and Ivy chuckled. “I’m gonna give you my opinion. You are like a married couple, why don’t you just tie the knot, tell her this and propose, I’m sure that she’ll find that slut and kick her ass.” She said and Harley chuckled, nodding and hugging her best friend. “Another day, I just want to be with her.” She said and hugged Ivy, Ivy looked at you and signaled you to go closer. “Look who’s here.” Ivy said, getting up and looking at you, giving you a warm smile. “Puddin’!” She said and hugged you. Ivy looked at you and smiled before heading out the front door.

“I’m so sorry Harley, please forgive me.” You said, running your cold hands up and down her arms. “Don’t be, I’m the one who should apologize.” She said and you just looked at her thighs. “You really don’t remember anything?” You asked looking up at her concerned, starting to caress her arms, you leaned your head against her. “Not a thing puddin’.” She said, as you rested your head against her shoulder. “I’m gonna find that bitch.” You said, but sleepily. She chuckled and kissed your head. “We’ll find her.” She said and hugged you, in her warm embrace you fell asleep.

You went to go get a beer with Harley, it was chilly outside and Harley was  wearing blue pants, a white shirt and the beanie from the day before.

“What would your perfect date be?” She asked, taking a sip of her drink, looking up at the T.V’s and back at you. “Well being with the person that I love, obviously.” You said chuckling and you played with her hands. “Maybe turning the chimney on, just be with you, cuddling as we enjoy the warmth.” You said smiling as she intertwined her fingers with yours. “I’d like that.” She said and leaned to kiss your cheek. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” She said and you nodded. “I’m going to go get us some more drinks.” You said and went towards the bartender.

“Wow, well aren’t you a hottie.” Someone whispered in your ear. “Sorry, I have a girlfriend.” You said and turned around to look at a brunette, tall woman, she would be pretty but you only had eyes for Harley. “Well, introduce her. She can’t be better looking than me.” She smirked and you just scoffed. “I’d like two beers please.” You told the bartender and he nodded. “She’s a lot better.” You stated and went towards the table that you were with Harley. “Come on, then introduce her, let’s have a threesome.” She said and winked. You rolled your eyes. “No.” You said and she put her hands on your shoulders, leaning down and you could feel her hot breath against your neck. “Bet that she can’t fuck you like I would fuck you.” She said biting your ear and you rolled your eyes. “Get the fuck away from my puddin’.” Harley said and her voice, you couldn’t quite place that it was hers until you turned around looking at her. “Wait, aren’t you the girl from last night?” The woman said and Harley was clenching her fists, her knuckles white because of her tight grip. “I said get away from her. Now.” She said and the woman stepped away from you. Harley grabbed her by the shirt and pushed her against the wall. “Don’t get near her, don’t even fucking think about her.” She said and the woman laughed. “Thought we had a great time last night, you moaning in my ear while I fucked you.” She said and Harley looked towards the floor but back up at her eyes, Harley’s blue eyes were getting dark. “Fuck you.” Harley said before punching her and pushing her towards the ground. She grabbed your hand before storming out of the place.

“What did you like how she was talking to you?” She said as you got inside of your house. She was mad and you found it kinda hot. “No.” You said and she shut the door behind you, quickly finding her way to your neck, to that fucking sweet spot that you had. You moaned as she bit aggressively your neck, pushing you against the door, her hands started to roam all over your body, finding their way to your abdomen, passing her fingers through your skin, leaving trails of goosebumps, you moaned and she attached her lips with yours. She kissed you angrily, biting your bottom lip, her hands went inside of your shirt and quickly wrapped around your waist, every single part of skin that she touched made you even hotter. “I’m going to fuck you so hard.” She whispered in your ear, making you whimper. Her hands went towards your thighs, she started passing her hands, your hands found their way towards her hair, rustling it a little bit, she separated her lips from yours and saw that hers were swollen, you smirked and bit your lip in lust. She chuckled and kissed you again, “Jump.” She whispered against your lips and you followed her orders, she took you towards your room and laid you down, before taking off your shirt, the fresh air hit your skin and Harley smirked, from the valley of your breasts she licked down towards the sipper of your pants, she smirked. “You are gonna have the time of your life puddin’.” She said, before pulling down your clothing at a painfully slow pace. “Harley hurry please.” You pleaded and she smirked looking at your wet pussy, you looked at her, she wasn’t breaking eye contact as she licked you, making you squirm in delight and grip the sheets. “Is this from me or from her?” She asked pouting a little bit and blowing cool air in to you, making you miss her touch, you looked at her blue eyes and she collected your wetness with her fingers before sucking them, you moaned at the view and she smirked once again. “Fuck. You, you are the only one who can make me like this.” You moaned, she started to lick bold stripes, stopping at your clit to start licking in a circular motion, you moaned as she had her way with you, you could feel the drops of sweat start to form on your forehead, she smiled as she ate you out. She suddenly stopped. “What?” You asked, panting as you asked, you saw her get up and take off her clothing, once she was completely naked she laid down on top of you. “Think I’d let you cum puddin’?” She asked as you bit your lip, you decided to tease her a little bit too. You placed your hand on your entrance, moaning a little bit at the touch, she looked at you as if you were crazy and you smiled at her. “Fuck.” You said, barely above a whisper, you smiled and she licked her lips you threw your head back at the soft pillows as you pushed two fingers inside of you. You moaned loudly her name and she went closer to you as if she was a predator and you were the prey, she looked at you hungrily and you quickened your pace, the pleasure increasing as well as your moans, she grabbed both of your arms, pinning them above your head and looking at you in the eyes. “Only I can do that.” She said, placing her thigh in between of your legs, making you gasp slightly at the touch, she positioned herself against her thigh and started to grind against you, her lips touching over and over your neck and jaw, you both moaned and she sounded angelical. You closed your eyes as she quickened her pace. “You are mine.” She whispered, in your ear, before biting it, you smiled at her and started to grind against her too. “My little slut.” She whispered and with her free hand she started to play with your breasts, “Can someone do this to you like I can? – Fuck!” She exclaimed as you started to kiss her chin, she smirked and started to quicken her pace, before inserting one of her fingers in to you and you moaned loudly, you knew you were close and she was too, she rested her forehead against yours and you could hear her panting, trying to increase the pleasure. She moaned loudly before releasing and you did the same, she smiled at you, before kissing you and getting up from the bed, she walked towards the bathroom before coming out with a strap on, as she put it on, you started to recover from your high. She opened up your legs, as you saw her, sweating and obviously panting, she smiled before pushing the object inside of you, making you scream in pleasure. “You like how I fuck you?” She asked, her thumb going down to your clit, flickering it as you moaned, writhing under her touch. “Y- Yes.” You managed to yelp out as she remained silent, your hips connecting with yours quickly, you bit your lip, trying to suppress more moans that were building up in the back of your throat. She smiled and put her hand around your neck, you found that extremely sexy, she was smirking and then stopped. She put you on four and started to fuck you from behind, making you grip the sheets harder, you moaned out her name and she slapped your ass, making the pleasure increase. “You like it don’t ‘cha.” She said and you couldn’t reply so you just moaned to show her how good you were feeling. You knew that you were going to cum, she was going so fast and beads of sweat were starting to drip from her forehead towards you, as you screamed out her name, she moaned and then slumped back in to the bed, she was smirking and panting, she took the strap on off and looked at you, smiling, before grabbing a side of your face and smacking her lips with yours, she smiled and hugged you. “I love you puddin’.” She said and you nuzzled against her sweaty chest, you started to close your eyes and she placed her hand behind your head. “I love you too Harley.” You said as you fell in to a deep slumber.

This is Winthrop. He’s a pretty happy guy. 

Well. For now. If he keeps mugging for the camera instead of getting in there  and eating something, he’s gonna be a hungry guy. 

His sisters, Wendy and Willow, have no such compunctions. They are going to town on some prime fresh kill.  Also Winthrop teased them a bit too hard the other day, so they’re not feeling super generous, just now. 

The wheel don’t stop turning, Winthrop. Get in there, buddy!

I feel bad for the people who think of Harley Quinn as only either a hot pink, shoot ‘em up Barbie doll or an idiotic psychopath with an incurable boner for Joker.

Harley is a strong character who embodies the struggles and triumphs of the mentally ill and the abused. She is smart, clever, and her fun-loving nature doesn’t negate that. Remember her compassion and good heart, good enough to have HYENAS as pets and be unafraid, good enough to befriend the icy Poison Ivy within minutes of meeting her. Even her misguided infatuation with Joker is a byproduct of her kind heart, or it was supposed to be at the start.

Harley Quinn is a good person, no matter what recent comics and bad writers and DC fuckboys will have you believe.

When y'all are making up edgy headcanons and eating up new canon grimdark storylines for her, remember that Harley Quinn’s entire origin is based on her capacity to love.

I do not ship Harley and Joker, nor do I condone it, but my point is that she saw the man he fooled her to believe him to be, loveless and unwanted, and took it upon herself to care for him when no one else would. It wasn’t just blind, idiotic delusion, though it was that in part. Harley’s greatest vice is that her heart is too big, though admittedly selective.

Idgaf about Joker. I’m not talking about him. I want to be VERY clear that I’m not talking about their dynamic, but rather Harley and her particular way of caring for others, despite their nature. Ivy is considered by others in universe to be just as heartless and cruel as Joker, and yet Harley entwines their lives together without a second thought. Hell, Harley’s pets are HYENAS, animals considered vicious and unclean, and she loves them like they’re just large dogs.

Some people construe this as her being “edgy” or “random XD” but it’s something so much deeper, yet simpler than that.

So when you fixate on the minor detail of her looking to use him in “Mad Love” to write a tell-all book, you’re really overlooking the true essence of Harley’s character, of her strength, of her origin story, and it’s right in the episode’s name:

Love.

This is Charlie.  He writes and illustrates Children’s Books. (Audio books will soon be available.) 

Charlie knows there’s a stigma against Hyenas, that they’re expected to be untrustworthy. Charlie knows the only way to combat unfair prejudice is to rise above, and be the best Hyena he can be. 

Charlie’s next book should hit shelves in early Spring, 2017. It’s about Giraffes.

"No one knew who Harley Quinn was until she was over sexualized for the Suicide Squad movie!"

There are people upset and saying Harley Quinn was overly sexualized for the camera. These people either know next to nothing but what is mainstream news about the character or just don’t know the character at all. These people will celebrate her for being a total badass while painting her as a perpetually oppressed victim and barely anything more.
Anyone who has loved Harley since her animated Batman days and have bothered to follow her in the comic world (or who have had enough dedication to the character to go that far back into her history) knows Dr. Quinzel isn’t just some helpless, harmless bimbo who can’t think for herself.
Harley has always been a sexual character. That is her. She’s a woman who has confidence in her body and will flirt with you while stealing the keys for your car. Even going back to the animated Batman series she first debuted in. Even then, she willingly dressed herself in a short, little cute outfit (her hair in cute ponytails) while roller blading as she walked her two pet hyenas. It’s just who she is.
It’s half-assed to say you love the character so much but then conveniently forget that she chooses to express herself as she does. No one is forcing Harley to be Harley. She isn’t some bimbo who does as she’s told just because she’s told to do it. She makes her own choices. Chick was a goddamn psychiatrist who first started working at Arkham Asylum to get close to super villains and maybe be the first to get some of their stories and claim fame. When she wants something, she goes for it!
Despite how delirious and wild she is, she’s smarter than you think. And she’s quick to remind you of that. Believe it or not, she has moments of clarity. She’s not completely as ruthless as her psychotic, loose cannon Puddin’ either. She’s not perfect.
I don’t understand the people who needlessly go on about how a lady should be able to express herself however she wishes and dress however she likes but then go on to be upset when she actually chooses to. Harley Quinn’s a villain who has the confidence to wear whatever the hell she wants. She cracks a bunch of jokes and says suggestive things just because she can. She speaks her mind. She’s a wild card. It’s part of the fun!
Does anyone remember the animated Batman’s Harley who popped out of a pie for her and the Joker’s 7 year anniversary? The Harley who kissed Batman after telling him a guy like him shouldn’t have bad days and then went on to do it again with excitement because she enjoyed kissing him? The Harley who wore lingerie and tried to get the Joker’s attention while sitting on his desk as he attempted to make devious plans? The Harley who wanted the Joker to come “rev up” his Harley? The Harley who will beat the Joker’s ass (and has even aimed to actually kill him a few times) if she very well feels like it? It’s in her character. It comes naturally and flows like water!
Just accept that there are confident women who choose to look a certain way and take pride in it. Accept that not everyone is going to choose to express their sexuality as you do. If people drool over her appearance and choose not to look further than “she’s hot”, so what? Harley wouldn’t really care all that much. It’ll make it easier to get what she wants from them. Jokes on them. She’s not even a real blonde!
I liked how in the Suicide Squad film (SPOILER!) there was a particular scene where Harley was going through her trunk full of old stuff. She picked up her original full body suit and held it up to her body as if remembering the good ol’ days. It was a great moment to include in the film. She was happy to see that suit, her mallot, and all the rest of her old toys. There was a memory associated with every item. It was absolutely beautiful and made me very happy to watch it. And then what came next? She CHOSE to wear something different. She started fresh.
All of this and people are still whining about her clothing choice and claiming that the only reason Harley is big is because of it. Stop. The Harley you think you know probably wouldn’t have the balls to express herself that way but the Harley the hardcore comic, video game, and animated fans know does and always has. She’s Harley Quinn. Among other things, that’s part of the reason we love her so much. She’s her own person and a very interesting character over all.

DC Comics Character Summaries Part 3: The Bat-villains(1/?)

SKINRASH:

1. PSYCHO GROUPIE COCAINE CRAZY.

2. PSYCHO GROUPIE COKE.

3. The most famous (or infamous) of BatDad’s enemies.

4. Anime hair.

5. Ruins everything.

6. Has a very avant garde fashion sense.

7. Killed Family Disappointment by beating the shit out of him with a crowbar then blowing him up. 

8. Crippled Spineless (that’s how she got her nickname).

9. Is a really shitty boyfriend to Cloudcukooland.

QUESTIONY THE QUESTION MARK:

1. Gay.

2. Salty.

3. Can’t stop making up dumb riddles.

4. Makes the most overly-elaborate death traps.

5. Is a genius but acts like a fucking child.

6. “If you’re so smart. why aren’t you rich?” says the smart guy who isn’t rich.

7. Has no social life.

JEKYLL AND HYDE:

1. Really bad case of DID.

2. HALF the man he used to be haha I’m so funny.

3. Obsessed with the number two. 

4. Got burned by acid so now he’s half-hot half-not.

5. Bi.

6. Decorates all his escape vehicles to match his clothes.

CATMOM:

1. Crazy cat lady.

2. 2Fab4U.

3. Bi.

4. Likes cats in case it’s not obvious.

5. Rly fashionable.

6. Sexual tension with BatDad.

7. Adopts every stray cat she sees.

8. Every. Single. One.

9. Steals diamonds and jewelry and shit like that.

10. Animal rights activist.

CLOUDCUKOOLAND:

1. Is really fun.

2. On-again off-again dating Skinrash even though he’s an abusive dick.

3. But is also gay with Oak Tree.

4. Carries lots of oversized weapons.

5. Has pet hyenas.

6. Makes friends with everyone.

7. Also flirts with everyone.

OAK TREE:

1. The ultimate tree hugger.

2. Hates boys.

3. In fact, hates all people peroid(except Cloudcukooland).

4. Gay.

5. Gives environmental terrorism a whole new meaning. 

6. Yeah she’s sexy and all but I mean she’s also ready to murder you in a second, so like, yeah.

MR. POPPER:

1. If you get the reference then you get an internet cookie.

2. Obsessed with birds.

3. Collects umbrellas.

4. Is a gentleman but will have your family murdered if you inconvenience him.

5. Mary Poppins enthusiast.

DCU Ladies sortings

The way we play this game, your “primary” house is WHY you do things and your “secondary” house is HOW. For a broader overview of our system, please go here!

First a disclaimer: DC canon is vast, contradictory, and subject to disruptive retcons. To cope, I ignore huge swaths of canon. A fan’s got to keep her sanity somehow! If you draw on different canon and sort these characters into other houses, that’s great! There is room in this mythology for every Barbara Gordon we can  possibly imagine.

These sortings contain vague spoilers for No Man’s Land and The Killing Joke.

Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy) has one of the healthiest, most robust Hufflepuff primaries in the DCU. Like most Hufflepuff primaries, her moral system revolves around the essential personhood and intrinsic worth of every member of her community. Like the most ambitious of un-burned ‘Puffs, Ivy’s community encompasses the entire earth. The problem? Plants. Ivy’s community is composed primarily of plants. All plants everywhere, a few orphans in Robinson Park, and Harley Quinn. (Ivy’s devotion to Harley Quinn may look like the warm exclusive regard of a Slytherin primary, but it’s not. Ivy values plants she has never met nearly as much as she values Harley. Ivy’s love for Harley looks unique because Harley is the sole adult human within Ivy’s community. Compared with Ivy’s regard for the rest of her community, the care she takes with Harley is not unusual.) Ivy loves plants universally. She fights for all plants, and she willingly gives herself up to protect the plants around her.

To the defense of her plant-based community, Ivy brings the concrete planning of her Ravenclaw secondary. She runs careful tests, mixes elaborate poisons, and grows specific plants with time and attention. When she wants to take down a logging executive, she doesn’t punch him in the face with a giant fist. She researches him, she figures out what country clubs he haunts and what parties he attends, then shows up looking irresistible with poison on her lips. Planning and preparation work for her! When forced to improvise, Poison Ivy tends to throw all her plant-monsters into direct combat and scream as they burn – much less effective. Pamela Isley was a scientist, and Poison Ivy retains the deliberate effectiveness of her Ravenclaw secondary.

Harleen Quinzel (Harley Quinn’s) secondary is a brash, direct, and destructive Gryffindor. Her favorite weapons include a giant hammer, a giant rocket launcher, and a giant mechanical fist. There’s no kill like overkill! The leadership power of Harley’s Gryffindor Secondary appears in her relationship with the Joker’s pet hyenas. Will they sit patiently while a tasty human waves food in front of them? Will they walk politely on leash? They will when Harley tells them to! Even Doctor Fate shuts up and hops to when Harley uses her command voice.

As a young woman, Dr. Harleen Quinzel’s greatest drive was to understand people. She found abnormal minds exciting and challenging. She believed that, given enough time, she could understand anybody. The Joker took advantage of her eagerness and staged a seduction. He offered her enough intimacy to feel privileged and enough detail to understand his moral system. What great insight for her system! What a great source for her book! Harley fell in love with him. She adopted his moral system wholesale and remade herself into Harley Quinn, his masked lieutenant. Harley’s nonjudgmental interest in deviant moral systems and her tragically irresistible desire to find some consistent *system* in the Joker’s moral chaos reveal Harley’s Ravenclaw primary.

Barbara Gordon (Batgirl, Oracle) initially models her moral system on the MCU and Batman – that’s a reason she creates Batgirl – but she experiments with it. Batgirl initially exists both as homage to Batman and in defiance of him. She starts out with Batman’s rules. When those rules stop working for her, she changes them fluidly, naturally, and without guilt. Often, she’s relieved! Babs adds her own procedures and draws her own systematic moral lines.

After The Killing Joke, Babs rebuilds herself in very Ravenclaw Primary ways. She analyzes her remaining strengths, considers them against her values and the needs of the superhero community, and then spends many slow months of recovery shaping herself into Oracle. Oracle has a massive reach and a massive impact on the superhero community. She’s a triumph of slow, deliberate self-creation.

Babs offsets her constructed Ravenclaw Primary with a flexible, cunning Slytherin Secondary. As Batgirl, she really enjoys improvising in the field. It usually  works for her. Her playfulness, her cheerful vicious streak, and her delight in reacting to chaos come from her Slytherin secondary.

On top of her reactive Slytherin Secondary, Babs has layered a Ravenclaw Secondary Model. Much of the intelligence she gives out as Oracle – her back-up plans, her scrupulously accurate maps, her blueprints of secret vaults – comes through her Ravenclaw Secondary Model. She’s good at it. When backed against a wall, however, she drops the Ravenclaw Model and improvises.

tl;dr
Poison Ivy - Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw
Harley Quinn - Ravenclaw/Gryffindor
Barbara Gordon - Ravenclaw/Slytherin/Ravenclaw

Catsat for my neighbour, paid super well and got a recommendation to her friend. Her friend has HYENAS #onlyingotham #butitpaysso

Update: Hyenas are nice, but slobbery. Clown memorabilia creeping me out though. Not going to think too hard #ignoranceisbliss #onlyingotham

UPDATE: Nightwing and Robin swooped into interrogate me on Joker’s latest scheme. Spent 10min petting the hyenas with little Robin #idontknowanything #iambutasimplepetsittersir #onlyingotham