Signs as All Time Low Songs

Aries: Dear Maria Count me in
Taurus: Paint you wings
Gemini: So long soldier
Cancer: Missing you
Leo: Outlines
Virgo: Under a paper moon
Libra: Just the way I’m not
Scorpio: Break your little heart
Sagittarius: Don’t you go
Capricorn: Satellite
Aquarius: Runaways
Pisces: Kicking and screaming

“OMG YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A STRIPPER?!? How can you put up with that?!?”

Probably because this is what she looks like when she comes home from work. Throwing money on the bed like “hey babe I didn’t even do a lap dance look how much I got”

My girlfriend can hustle harder than anyone I’ve ever met. She can convince someone they are the hottest man she’s ever met, get money to take me out to a nice dinner, then throw on a hoodie and scrub it at Taco Bell with me at 3am stoned. Roll like a mother fucker and go dance, then wake up that sunday and have lunch with my parents and make them want us to get married even more than they already do.

Next time you slut shame think about last time you went to a strip club and threw money at a woman who convinced you she actually wanted your ass. Then she comes home to her adoring girlfriend who has dinner made and a drink on the table and a bath drawn.