husband and wife quotes

Jangan Jadikan Aku Istrimu, Jika..

Jangan jadikan aku istrimu, jika nanti dengan alasan bosan kamu berpaling pada perempuan lain.

Kamu harus tahu meski bosan mendengar suara dengkurmu, melihatmu begitu pulas. Wajah laki-laki lain yang terlihat begitu sempurnapun tak mengalihkan pandanganku dari wajah lelahmu setelah bekerja seharian.

Jangan jadikan aku istrimu, jika nanti kamu enggan hanya untuk mengganti popok anakmu ketika dia terbangun tengah malam. Sedang selama sembilan bulan aku harus selalu membawanya di perutku, membuat badanku pegal dan tak lagi bisa tidur sesukaku.

Jangan jadikan aku istrimu, jika nanti kita tidak bisa berbagi baik suka dan sedih dan kamu lebih memilih teman perempuanmu untuk bercerita. Kamu harus tahu meski begitu banyak teman yang siap menampung curahan hatiku, padamu aku hanya ingin berbagi. Dan aku bukan hanya teman yang tidak bisa diajak bercerita sebagai seorang sahabat.

Jangan jadikan aku istrimu, jika nanti dengan alasan sudah tidak ada kecocokan kamu memutuskan menjatuhkan talak padaku. Kamu tahu betul, kita memang berbeda dan bukan persamaan yang menyatukan kita tapi komitmen bersama.

Jangan jadikan aku istrimu, jika nanti kamu memilih tamparan dan pukulan untuk memperingatkan kesalahanku. Sedang aku tidak tuli dan masih bisa mendengar kata-katamu yang lembut tapi berwibawa

Jangan pilih aku sebagai istrimu, jika nanti setelah seharian bekerja kamu tidak segera pulang dan memilih bertemu teman-temanmu. Sedang seharian aku sudah begitu lelah dengan cucian dan setrikaan yang menumpuk dan aku tidak sempat bahkan untuk menyisir rambutku.

Anak dan rumah bukan hanya kewajibanku, karena kamu menikahiku bukan untuk jadi pembantu tapi pendamping hidupmu. Dan jika boleh memilih, aku akan memilih mencari uang dan kamu di rumah saja sehingga kamu akan tahu bagaimana rasanya.

Jangan pilih aku sebagai istrimu, jika nanti kamu lebih sering di kantor dan berkutat dengan pekerjaanmu bahkan di hari minggu daripada meluangkan waktu bersama keluarga. Aku memilihmu bukan karena aku tahu aku akan hidup nyaman dengan segala fasilitas yang bisa kamu persembahkan untukku.

Harta tidak pernah lebih penting dari kebersamaan kita membangun keluarga karena kita tidak hidup untuk hari ini saja.

Jangan pilih aku jadi istrimu, jika nanti kamu malu membawaku ke pesta pernikahan teman-temanmu dan memperkenalkanku sebagai istrimu. Meski aku bangga karena kamu memilihku tapi takkan kubiarkan kata-katamu menyakitiku.

Bagiku pasangan bukan sebuah trofi apalagi pajangan, bukan hanya seseorang yang sedap dipandang mata. Tapi menyejukkan batin ketika dunia tak lagi ramah menyapa. Rupa adalah anugerah yang akan pudar terkikis waktu, dan pada saat itu kamu akan tahu kalau pikiran dangkal telah menjerumuskanmu.

Jangan pilih aku jadi istrimu, jika nanti kamu berpikir akan mencari pengganti ketika tubuhku tak selangsing sekarang. Kamu tentunya tahu kalau kamu juga ikut andil besar dengan melarnya tubuhku. Karena aku tidak lagi punya waktu untuk diriku, sedang kamu selalu menyempatkan diri ketika teman-temanmu mengajakmu berpetualang.

Jangan buru-buru menjadikanku istrimu, jika saat ini kamu masih belum bisa menerima kekurangan dan kelebihanku. Sedang seiring waktu, kekurangan bukan semakin tipis tapi tambah nyata di hadapanmu dan kelebihanku mungkin akan mengikis kepercayaan dirimu.

Kamu harus tahu perut buncitmu tak sedikitpun mengurangi rasa cintaku, dan prestasimu membuatku bangga bukan justru terluka.

Jangan buru-buru menjadikanku istrimu, jika saat ini kamu masih ingin bersenang-senang dengan teman-temanmu dan beranggapan aku akan melarangmu bertemu mereka setelah kita menikah.

Kamu harus tahu akupun masih ingin menghabiskan waktu bersama teman-temanku, untuk sekedar ngobrol atau creambath di salon. Dan tak ingin apa yang disebut “kewajiban” membuatku terisolasi dari pergaulan, ketika aku semakin disibukkan dengan urusan rumah tangga.

Menikah bukan untuk menghapus identitas kita sebagai individu, tapi kita tahu kita harus selalu menghormati hak masing-masing tanpa melupakan kewajiban.

Jangan buru-buru menikahiku, jika saat ini kamu sungkan pada orang tuaku dan merasa tidak nyaman karena waktu semakin menunjukkan kekuasaannya. Bagiku hidup lebih dari angka yang kita sebut umur, aku tidak ingin menikah hanya karena kewajiban atau untuk menyenangkan keluargaku.

Menikah denganmu adalah salah satu keputusan terbesar di hidupku yang tidak ingin kusesali hanya karena terburu-buru.

Jangan buru-buru menikahiku, jika sampai saat ini kamu masih berpikir mencuci adalah pekerjaan perempuan. Aku tak akan keberatan membetulkan genting rumah, dan berubah menjadi satpam untuk melindungi anak-anak dan hartamu ketika kamu keluar kota.

Hapus aku dari daftar calon istrimu, jika saat ini kamu berpikir mempunyai lebih dari satu istri tidak menyalahi ajaran agama. Agama memang tidak melarangnya, tapi aku melarangmu menikahiku jika ternyata kamu hanya mengikuti egomu sebagai laki-laki yang tak bisa hidup dengan satu perempuan saja.

Hapus aku dari daftar calon istrimu, jika saat ini masih ada perempuan yang menarik hatimu dan rasa penasaran membuatmu enggan mengenalkanku pada teman-temanmu. Kamu harus tahu meski cintamu sudah kuperjuangkan, aku tidak akan ragu untuk meninggalkanmu.

Hapus aku dari daftar calon istrimu, jika saat ini kamu berpikir menikahiku akan menyempurnakan separuh akidahmu sedang kamu enggan menimba ilmu untuk itu. Ilmuku tak banyak untuk itu dan aku ingin kamu jadi imamku, seorang pemimpin yang tahu kemana membawa pengikutnya.

Jangan jadikan aku sebagai istrimu, jika kamu berpikir bisa menduakan cinta. Kamu mungkin tak tahu seberapa besar aku mengagungkan sebuah cinta, tapi aku juga tidak akan menyakiti diriku sendiri jika cinta yang kupilih ternyata mengkhianatiku.

Jangan jadikan aku sebagai istrimu, jika kamu berpikir aku mencari kesempurnaan. Aku bukan gadis naif yang menunggu sang pangeran datang dan membawaku ke istana.

Mimpi seperti itu terlalu menyesatkan, karena sempurna tidak akan pernah ada dalam kamus manusia dan aku bukan lagi seorang gadis yang mudah terpesona.

Jangan pernah berpikir menjadikanku sebagai istrimu, jika kamu belum tahu satu saja alasan kenapa aku harus menerimamu sebagai suamiku.

Marriage gets a lot better when you stop expecting it to be perfection. The moment you change your expectations of love your heart is now ready to mature into real love.

A love that comes packaged in a dunyah which is like a prisoner for the believer. Yes, we love in some form of temporary prison, and yet, within it’s limitations there is immense beauty and breathtaking moments to be experienced. The mercy of Allah is great, and His signs are everywhere.

Even in love. But His tests are there too. The ones to shape us, remind us of Who we need the most, of Who is going to save us. Of Whose love is the greatest.

Let go of seeking perfection and instead, embrace the journey of growing together in love and worship for the sake of Allah.

—  Via Wives of Jannah
Marry someone who lets you have a bite of their sundae, even when you said you didn’t want anything, and you don’t have a bit of the brownie you usually get to pay them back. Marry someone who laughs at the same things you do. Marry someone who kisses your nose on a cold day. Marry someone who you can watch Disney movies with. Marry someone who is proud of you whether you earn £5 a week or £5,000 a week. Marry someone who you can tell everything to. Marry someone who isn’t afraid or embarrassed to hold your hand in public. Marry someone who you can spend the day in Ikea with without feeling stressed. Marry someone who wraps you up inside their coat in the winter. Marry someone who accepts your fears and phobias. Marry someone who gives you butterflies every time you hear their key in the door. Marry someone who you don’t always have to shave your legs for. Marry someone who accepts you all day every day, even when you don’t look or feel your best. Marry someone who puts three sugars in your tea, despite telling them “just the two”. Marry someone who doesn’t judge you when you eat your body weight in doughnuts. Marry someone who doesn’t make you want to check your phone, because you don’t need to, because you’re having too much fun with them to need to check your phone. Marry someone who tells you to text when you get home. Marry someone who understands that you need to be alone sometimes. Marry someone who gets on well with your parents and isn’t uptight about family events. Marry someone who calms you down when you get mad about stupid stuff, and never tells you it’s “only stupid stuff”. Marry someone that makes sure you have breakfast before you leave for work. Marry someone who makes you want to be a better person. Marry someone who makes you laugh. Marry someone who you love.
—  one day when we’re older,
I’m gonna marry you so hard
My dear seeking sister, you will meet a lot of men in your life. Please don’t settle. Wait. Wait for the one you would want your sons to be like. Find him, and then wait for him if you have to.
Wait for the one that treats you like a queen. The one you can depend on to protect and take care of you.
Wait. Wait if you have to.
—  Yasmin Mogahed

And aloneness is beautiful. It is only the person who is alone who becomes capable of love. Those who cannot be alone, they cannot be in love at all, because their love remains a kind of need.

Love can be of two types. One is when you say to somebody, “I need you, I really love you.” This is ugly love, because it is based in need. You say, “I need you”: you want to use the other. You are not yet able to be alone; you want to be together with somebody, you want to cling to the other. The other keeps you occupied - without the other you become afraid of your own aloneness.

And this is what people say, and lovers enjoy it very much. When somebody says to you, “I need you, I really love you,” you feel you are entering into something beautiful. You are not; you are entering into something destructive. This is the wrong kind of love.

And this is the love that exists in the world. Everybody is afraid of his loneliness and clings to the other, uses the other as a means, someone to cling to. And when you use the other, the other is reduced to a thing. He is no longer a person, he becomes a husband or a wife. Freedom is lost.

You cannot allow the other to be free, because if you allow freedom then you will have to face your loneliness. And that you don’t want to do.

So you cling. You hold the other, you possess the other. Even if it means being possessed by the other, you are ready to lose your freedom. You become mutual slaves, mutual imprisonments to each other.

Love-as-need creates what the other day I was calling “tunnel vision.” You become focussed on one person and you are afraid that if the other person leaves you, you will not be able to live at all. The very idea of the other leaving you gives you immediate thoughts of committing suicide. Your life will not have meaning.

This is tunnel vision. One is willing to admit only a narrow range of sensations; all else is regarded as insignificant. And when such expectations fail, then one feels life is not worth living. And they always fail, because nobody can really be possessed. How can you possess a presence, a person?

He is not a thing, you can never be the master. The other will go on asserting his freedom, the other will go on sabotaging your efforts to possess him. The other is trying to possess you, and you are trying to possess the other. Nobody wants to be possessed, and everybody wants to be the possessor. Now, this is doomed to fail.

Sooner or later, you will start feeling life has no meaning. This kind of love is pathological, and this is the only kind that exists and is available in the world. It drives people neurotic and psychotic. It should be changed into love which is not a need but a state. Then one can love life in more richness.

Then one can love and yet allow the other freedom. Then love is nonpossessive.

But that love is possible only when you have learned how to live with your aloneness. When you can be alone and perfectly happy and you don’t miss the other at all, only then can you love. But now a totally different kind of love arrives - even to think of it will shock you.

Then the lover says, “I don’t need you, I love you.” It will be almost incomprehensible, a lover saying to somebody, “I don’t need you, I love you.” It will look contradictory, because you have always heard, “I need you, I love you very much” - you are acquainted with that approach.

But this is TRUE love, the other is destructive. It destroys both the people, it destroys all the possibilities of growing. This is true love, this is creative love, when you can say, “I don’t need you, I simply love you.”

Just meditate over it. Repeat it silently within yourself: “I don’t need you, I love you” - and a totally different dimension opens up. Now there is no need to possess, now there is no need to reduce the other to a thing, now there is no need to destroy his or her freedom, now there is no need to allow the other to destroy your freedom. Now love can exist with freedom.

When love exists with freedom it has tremendous beauty; it has something of the ultimate in it. But now it is pure sharing. Now it is a luxury, it is no more a need.

I teach you love-as-luxury, not love-as-need. It is just an overflowing. You have so much that you cannot bear it any more, you have to give it to somebody. And from where are you getting so much?

It comes if you learn how to live in your aloneness. If you learn how to live in your aloneness, enjoy it and celebrate it, if you learn how to be empty without any desire to fill yourself up, to stuff yourself with anything - food, love, money, power - when you are not in any way interested in stuffing your emptiness, then suddenly emptiness changes its color, its quality is transformed. You relax into it.

Then you don’t feel, “I am empty.” You feel, “I am emptiness - and if I am emptiness, I am emptiness.”

And the purity of emptiness is tremendous. In emptiness not even a particle of dust can collect.

Emptiness cannot be polluted by anything, its purity is total and absolute. That emptiness is always virgin. Out of that emptiness, living in that emptiness, great joy and great peace arise and well up.

This is what I call creativity. It can become a song, it can become a painting, it can become a dance, it can become love, it can become all kinds of things. But one thing is similar: it overflows. This overflowing love is a state, a luxury, a sharing for the sheer joy of sharing. This love is celebration.

And, Tada, you have been avoiding your aloneness, you have been avoiding your emptiness. If you go on avoiding it you will never come to know this love, this creative love. And this is the greatest experience there is. You are avoiding your own great possibility and potential.

Don’t be serious, please. Drop it. It is not going to give you anything except more and more misery.

Meditate on these words of Kahlil Gibran:

Sing and dance together and be joyous But let each of you be alone Even as the strings of a lute are alone Though they quiver with the same music.

Stand together, yet not too near together, For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Be alone: that is meditation. And in aloneness wells up love: that is creation. Then love can do miracles.

But the person who remains serious remains unavailable to his own sources, his own juice; he remains unavailable to his own soil and roots. The person who is serious goes on moving round and round outside his being.

Drop your seriousness. Laugh a little, love a little, and you will know what God is.

—  Osho