husband 5

Important OTP question: which one yells and throws pillows at the TV when their favorite character dies, and which one silently and resignedly face-plants on the couch and doesn’t move for hours?

magicrainbowbewbs  asked:

Hello! My friend and I recently saw your post about your great great grandmother and the nudes and we started arguing, Did the nudes make him come back? Was the husband your great great grandfather or did she remarry or something? We also started arguing about what the nudes looked like and what she was doing but out of respect I wont ask about that. Thanks!

First of all, thank you for not being a weirdo and demanding to see GGG’s nudes becauxe a lot of people here are WERID.  So if you go through the “Family Lore” tag on my blog, you can hear the whole story under “A Holiday Story”, but to Clarify:

1.  First husband was a JACKASS, drunk and abuser who had nine daughters with her, then faked his death and fucked off to Chicago.  She had every reason to believe he was dead, as his brother had been murdered due to gambling debts the year before and had to be fished out of the Thames.  Victorian England Sucked.

2. GGG re-marries, has two more daughters, including my great-grandmother, so I am not related to First husband.  Second Husband is a pretty OK guy who only beat her sometimes.  Victorian England still sucks.

3. Fist Husband runs out of money, writes her for more.  This causes a problem as they never divorced, so now GGG is committing bigamy in the eyes of British law… despite the fact they handed her his death certificate.  Victorian England- You get the idea/

4.  In the middle of this legal brouhaha, Second Husband dies from being stabbed at a Pub.  Distraught and having 11 daughters to support GGG goes to a studio and has The Nudes done and mailed to Chicago in hopes of coaxing him back.

5. First Husband, because he is a JACKASS mails them back with an angry letter saying he never loved her and “I was as glad to be rid of you as one is of a leech.”

6. Well.

7. GGG takes a look at all the bills and the lack of pensions and court fees and decides if First Husband can Fuck Off To Grand America, so can she, so she goes about making sure all of First Husband’s daughters  are married/moved away/have their names changed so the courts can’t get to them (the first nine are all adults by now). and books three tickets for her and her 16 and 14 year-old daughters of Second Husband on the Titanic, because if you’re going to Flounce from a country to go murder your First Husband, do it in STYLE.  Third-class BUT STILL.

8. Great-Aunt Liz (14) gets the measles, inadvertently saves everyone.

9.  They’re on the NEXT Boat, because First Husband Still Needs Killing, they end up picking up some of the survivors from ANOTHER wreck, which is how GG (16) met a nice Definitely Austrian Man, And Absolutely Not A Russian Jew Fleeing to America (19).  He accidentally gave her head lice, so she had to be shaved when they got to Ellis Island, and he felt so bad about it he tracked her down and presented her with a Nice Hat*.

10.  The allow the Nice “Austrian” Man to accompany them as they travel East, because this is 1912 and America is kind of an armpit so it’s handy to have a Man to deal with the locals and he’s good at bargaining and not bad-looking and regards the three of them with an Appropriate Level Of Fear.  They get to Chicago and find out First Husband has died, painfully, from drinking tainted whiskey, tell the state of illinois they’re not going to pay court fees for his sorry ass, and settle in Cleveland Ohio.  

11. GG and The “Austrian” man marry, produce my grandmother, GGG never re-marries, as she is done with the court system, but has fun taking “cooking lessons” from Mr. Bianci down the street, and everyone lives happily ever after in the relative lower-middle-class comfort.

*Unfortunately, the Nice Hat was lost when an uncle set my aunt’s house on fire during a particularly nasty divorce.  We also lost grandpa’s Hip-bone Cane and Popeye’s Single Sucessful Hunt Trophy.

the actual track list for HS1

1) hi, I’m bad at communicating my feelings

2) gotta blast

3) town. TOWN.

4) I love my husband

5) I love my husband (continued)

6) this isn’t a slow song and I’m gonna scream in your ear to make my point

7) ITS NOT REAL! *throws baby doll*

8) same old sh- but a different day

9) girlfriend by avril lavigne
(alt. title - hands off my man)

10) angst fic