For the third time watching this film it gave me so much more than I first got. I felt myself being Mari the first two times watching the films I was just in love with her physical looks now the third time I felt myself being Mari.
When her mom yelled at her for working and not doing well in skool I knew what that was like. Because of my undocumented status going into high skool I thought I would not be able to go to college so I gave up trying in skool and I was angry. In one scene Mari yells to her mom “una mica te da una educacion” (a green card gets you an education) and I understood her frustration because I felt it.
And then when you meet someone you can open up to and you trust to say your secrets or inner deep thoughts. “Tell me something you never told anybody” Mari tell Mosquita about leaving Mexico when she was 5 and leaving her grandma behind. She says that in 10 years she sees herself going back. “And by then I don’t even care if I can come back” being undocumented you are separated by a border and sometimes your family is from “del otron lado” (the other side) I have never met my dad and my family from our deeper roots and now my abuelita is going back to Mexico and I don’t know when I’ll see her again. Mi abuelita is the womyn full of our hystory and I was barely scratching the surface of it.
Another scene that got to me was when Mosquita tries talking to Mari about the other day and Mari snaps at her on how she has bigger things to worry about instead, (paying the rent, helping her family) THIS WAS SO RELEVANT TO ME. I deal with so much stuff, paying my bills, making money to fund my education, the pain and complexities of applying for a U-Visa, etc that sometimes I can’t relate to others or I lash out at them or become agressive because their “struggles” don’t represent me or I don’t feel like I have the capacity to care. It hurts because I don’t want to be that way and yet I am, I have hurt close friends, ruined friendships and been the biggest jerk ever because I don’t know how to relate or respond any other way than to be angry.
I guess where I am going with this is that I don’t want to be that way anymore I want to embrace my struggles but also open myself to loving and being loved by others because in the end when all fails love is really all you need.
The Winnie & Sutch building in Huntington Park, California. Featured in the Jack Nicholson Chinatown sequel ‘The Two Jakes’. Also here is its next door neighbor, the Soto Business Center, a fine-ass example of Art Deco in its own right. More pictures here if you’re so inclined to take a browse.