huntin for the d

Hmm, I think I settled on my preferred Poly Cool Kids headcanons concerning their genders/sexuality.

Jenny: She’s either super straight and always huntin’ for the d OR she’s fiercely ace, she’s so ace but she’ll smooch you’re cute face, and panromantic. Gender-wise I like her cis mostly.

Buck: Always panromantic and bisexual OR he’s fucking gay as hell but Jenny is Da Bomb and his one exception. Usually cis but I can also imagine him as genderqueer in some way? Like, gender neutral maybe. Mostly I feel he just wouldn’t care, like, it’s just easier to ‘be a boy’ and use guy pronouns or whatever. 

Sour Cream: Pansexual demiromantic, so it’s really hard to pique his interests but once he likes you he’s in super deep. He also gets flustered if he finds you aesthetically pleasing, so he can be very useless around pretty people. I usually think of him as cis as well, but I can really dig non-binary Sour Cream. I feel like he wouldn’t mind he/him pronouns ‘cause he’s super chill about gender, but if you use them/they more he’d appreciate it a lot. I also like trans Sour Cream, I think, and his voice is so deep because of voice training and/or he purposefully tries to pitch it lower.

The Music of John's Stag Night

Sooooooo…tonight I got tired of all the music on my iPod and downloaded all of the songs that play during John’s stag night (among others). I put them in a playlist, listened to them all in a row, and had a total ball doing so. Back in January loudest-subtext-in-television made this totally awesome post about the music right after The Sign of Three aired, but then no one really seemed to come back to it (at least I haven’t seen any metas about it come across my dash?) and it turns out that this is a total tragedy!

If we take a close look at the overall messages provided in the songs that play throughout John and Sherlock’s bar hopping adventure, we see that the music choice was in no way random. The songs paint a perfectly coherent narrative of what’s going on in John’s psyche as the night progresses. Let’s start from the beginning:


[Shakin’ All Over by Johnny Kidd and The Pirates]

When you move in right up close to me
That’s when I get the chills all over me

Quivers down my backbone
I got the shakes in my thigh bone
I got the shivers in my knee bone
Shakin’ all over

Just the way you say goodnight to me
Brings the feelin’ on inside of me

Well, you make me shake and I like it, baby
You make me shake and I like it, baby


As LSiT said, Shakin’ All Over has Johnlock written all over it in general, but even moreso in the context of this episode. This is John’s stag night and it starts, right out of the gate, with John feeling shaky in regard to Sherlock. It’s not just that when Sherlock gets close John gets weak in the knees (and likes it), in the larger context of the episode, John is feeling shaky about his marriage thanks to Sherlock. And if the song is any indication (and it is), it’s getting worse the closer his newly dedicated BFF gets.

Following this opening statement, we get a little set of scenes in which John alternates between looking disoriented, really into it, and irritated as Sherlock shows him both physically and via his suddenly super-awesomely catchy theme music, that he is more than capable of having a good time doing perfectly “normal” activities with John.


[Fried My Little Brains by The Kills]

Got six troubles, on my back
Like six little milk teeth, all gone bad
Won’t move over, won’t get gone
Won’t move over

Fried my little brains [x4]

Only got ten minutes, better get me good
Pull out my little milk teeth, pull good
Won’t move over, won’t get gone
Won’t move over

Fried my little brains [x4]


After a few drinks the music (i.e. mood) is starting to get grainier. More rough and personal.

What this song tells us is that John has something troublesome weighing him down, something he feels he should have outgrown a long time ago that won’t go away. Someone else pointed out the connection in the lyrics to, “What’s it like inside your funny little brains? It must be so boring,” and I think that’s totally part of it too. John’s funny little brain can’t get over Sherlock and now the clock is ticking down. He’s getting married! He can’t afford to keep pining after Sherlock for the rest of time. He wants to pull those milk teeth out, get them gone, but yet he just keeps obsessing. His brains just keep on cooking.


[Crystalline Green by Goldfrapp]

Here we come, driving down
Deep and wide, settle down
On the beach, get the sun
Coming down, get and warm

Turn it down, settle down
On the beach, get the sun
On the down, jealous day
You can lounge, turn it down

I wanna waste it playing
Spend all our day in a dream
Crystalline green watch it rolling
Feeling the weight of the sun

Here we come, driving down
Deep and wide, blue and green
Breathing in, come alive
Here we come, with the stars

Letting slip in through my fingers
Little rings float in your eyes
Try forget who are you now
Stare into space, watch the sky


A few more drinks and John is starting to feel good. This is only natural since Sherlock was spot-on with his measurements. John is trying to let go of the things that are bothering him, to settle down and enjoy his night with Sherlock, and the lyrics tell you just exactly what John is thinking at this point. He wants to spend his time playing, to stay in a dream with Sherlock. He’s wishing that it could always be like this, and he wants to forget about who he is now (someone getting married), and enjoy this perfect dream while it’s here. But by the end of this song, he’s aware that the dream of Sherlock is slipping through his fingers, and he’s not happy about it.


[Galang by M.I.A.]

London Calling
Speak the Slang now
Boys say Wha
Girls say Wha-What [x2]

Slam Galang galang galang
Ga la ga la ga la Land ga Lang ga Lang
Shotgun get you down
Get down get down get down
Ge-d Ge-d Ge-d Down G-down G-down
Too late you down D-down D-down D-down
Ta na ta na ta na Ta na ta na ta

Blaze a blaze Galang a lang a lang lang
Purple Haze Galang a lang a lang lang
Blaze a blaze Galang a lang a lang lang
Purple Haze Galang a lang a lang lang

Who the hell is huntin’ you?
In the BMW
How the hell they find you?
1 4 7’d you
Feds gonna get you
Pull the strings on the hood
One Paranoid you
Blazing through the Hood [x2]

Blaze a blaze Galang a lang a lang lang
Purple Haze Galang a lang a lang lang
Blaze a blaze Galang a lang a lang lang
Purple Haze Galang a lang a lang lang

London Calling
Speak the Slang now
Boys say Wha
Girls say Wha-What [x2]

They Say
River’s gonna run through
Work is gonna save you
Pray and you will pull through
Suck-a-dick’ll help you
Don’t let ‘em get to you
If he’s got one, you’ve got 2
Backstab your crew
Sell it out to sell you [x2]

Blaze a blaze Galang a lang a lang lang
Purple Haze Galang a lang a lang lang
Blaze a blaze Galang a lang a lang lang
Purple Haze Galang a lang a lang lang [x2]

Ya Ya haaaaaa… Oh eh oh eh oh oh ya ya yay [x6]


This song cracks me up for real. I laughed my ass off listening to this thing. Not only does it have the line about sucking dick, it also tells us straight up that drunken John’s little brain has taken a turn toward the naughty.

The very first time I saw this episode (when it first aired) I wasn’t initially certain that John had meant to spike Sherlock’s drink. I thought maybe he was just trying to get more smashed himself because he wasn’t having much fun with Sherlock being so preoccupied with his phone app, and that he’d made a mistake, but no; it was definitely John’s intention to get Sherlock drunk.

These lines in the song; “Who the hell is huntin’ you? In the BMW. How the hell they find you? 147’d you. Feds gonna get you. Pull the strings on the hood. One Paranoid you. Blazing through the Hood,” are not about the ever-present threat of danger in the lives of the Baker Street Boys, they’re talking about John and how nervous he is to be trying to pull one over on Sherlock. The fact is, John is doing something he knows he shouldn’t be doing, and it’s making him really paranoid.

Now, if you want to apply this to him spiking Sherlock’s drink, straight male friends do shit like this to each other all the time in the name of good humor. John tells the bartender that Sherlock mustn’t see and he/she doesn’t think twice about it. It’s not something John really needs to worry about being busted for…unless of course he had a decidedly dubious motivation. But it’s more than that. Sherlock has literally drugged John multiple times before so I significantly doubt John feels bad about slipping Sherlock an extra shot of liquor. The real key to John’s guilt can be found in the line that says, “Backstab your crew. Sell it out to sell you.” He’s not really backstabbing Sherlock by getting him drunk. He’s not planning to laugh at him while taking video of him deducing into a gutter, no, the crew that John is considering backstabbing is Mary.

By the end of this evening, John is drunk, he wants Sherlock that way too, and he has every intention of cheating on Mary if Sherlock seems in any way amenable.


[We Found Love by Rihanna]

It’s like you’re screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it’s over, and it’s gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good

Yellow diamonds in the light
Now we’re standing side by side
As your shadow crosses mine
What it takes to come alive

It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny
But I’ve gotta let it go

We found love in a hopeless place [x4]

Shine a light through an open door
Love and life I will divide
Turn away 'cause I need you more
Feel the heartbeat in my mind

It’s the way I’m feeling I just can’t deny
But I’ve gotta let it go

We found love in a hopeless place [x4]

Yellow diamonds in the light
Now we’re standing side by side
As your shadow crosses mine (mine, mine, mine)

We found love in a hopeless place [x8]


And who can blame the guy? John is so hopelessly in love he can hardly stand it.

So to recap; Sherlock’s closeness shakes John’s body and his morality. He knows he should be over it by now but he just can’t help himself. He knows how wonderful things could be, and even if it’s a horrible thing to do, John would definitely leave Mary if it meant he could have Sherlock because he’s so in love with him he’s ashamed of himself.

Poor John. That really was a truly awful stag night experience when compared against his hopes for it all…

the way his body moves in this gif is so hot and i don’t know why

probably because he’s wearing actual pants that fit him and we get a lil booty silhouette

plus he’s got his patented ‘checkin out firecrotch’ look too like he’s huntin for the d which he prolly is i mean how much can they bang with that many gallaghers around

and i mean ian’s in his rotc pants and you just gotta know he’s got himself a nice lil ian-in-uniform fetish like the army’s shit but gallagher looks hot in his uniform so yolo

in summary this gif is fatal. thanks a lot dylanocryin