hungry clam

Oh, baby's got blue eyes

Like a deep blue sea
On a blue blue day

Baby’s got blue eyes

Like a clear blue sky
Watching over me

now that you’re thoroughly unsettled, we’ll drop the Elton John act and introduce you to the Queen Scallop, a delectable little lovecraftian hellspawn that you’ve almost certainly eaten before.

delicious!

the actual animal is a bivalve mollusk possessing a very distinctive and beautiful shell, as well as two rows of bright blue fully functional nightmare eyes about the size of the head of a pin.

d-delicious?!

they can see fairly well with these eyes, which they use to detect and avoid threats such as starfish and hungry humans with clam knives. (they’re better at avoiding the former)

we’d feel bad but they’re so fucking delicious

Scallops are also among the only mollusks to have an exit strategy. once they’ve identified an incoming threat, they clap the two halves of their shells together so hard that the surrounding water is ejected out the back of their shell. this causes the Scallop to rocket violently away via jet power. this looks about as hilarious as it sounds.

wheeeee!

this strategy is far less effective when the incoming threat has opposable thumbs, and a hankerin’ for those sweet sweet Scallop meats. 

again, we would feel bad, but DELICIOUS.

the shells are also very nice, commonly used as mermaid bras and tacky beach memorabilia

Scallops are now farmed by humans in huge numbers, and these farms provide habitat for countless species of other animals. in addition, scallops have a side effect of purifying ocean water, since they filter out particles when they feed. what I’m saying is, there’s no reason not to eat these guys. go buy a bag at your local supermarket right now! it’s what the Scallop would want, probably.

EAT ME I’M DELICIOUS