hungry beat

things that are totally normal after panic attacks!

  • crying. this is the way a lot of bodies cope with emotional stress and it’s okay to need to cry even after you think the panic attack has passed and you’re fine now
  • feeling sleepy. panic attacks take a lot of emotional and even physical energy even if you don’t feel like you’re doing anything! your body has to work hard to make your muscles tense up and your heart beat faster
  • being hungry, for the same reasons above
  • being grumpy or feeling angry. you’re probably tired, per above, and being in a panic attack causes many people to throw up emotional barriers to help cope with the feelings of fear and panic.

none of these things mean you are weak or bad or that there is anything wrong with you! if you are getting over a panic attack, please allow yourself recovery time if you can, as soon as you can. 

sip a drink to tell your brain that there’s no threat, and you don’t need to be on edge. get yourself a snack if you need one. and, if you can, let yourself take a nap. your brain wants extra time to file away all the information associated with the panic attack, to compartmentalize it so it doesn’t stress you out as much anymore. let it do that without having to worry about other stuff for a bit, sleep is the best for that!

Oh captain, oh captain
do you hear the alarms ringing?
do you hear the people screaming?
do you hear the storm raging,
     the winds howling,
     the demons clawing at your door?

Oh captain, oh captain, 
can you feel the waves beating hungry against the hull?
can you feel the gravity tilt beneath your feet?
can you feel the Sea rising up like the dark of night?

Oh captain, oh captain,
the Sea is calling for you
the Sea is singing for you
the Sea is reaching for you
the Sea is grasping for you–

Oh captain, oh captain,
your ship is sinking, captain.
the Sea is claiming your ship as Hers.
the Sea is claiming you, too.
are you listening, captain?
can you hear Her?

Oh captain, oh captain,
do the waves knocking at your door
     remind you of the lullabies your mother used to sing?
do the winds screaming past
     remind you of old lovers’ fingers caressing your hair?
does the water swallowing you up
     remind you of being six years old and tucked in at night?

—  oh captain, oh captain, does it feel like coming home? ( j.p. )
ROLL FOR CHARM

so me and my squad were playing a super jank homebrew session in which we attempted to cram every single anime trope and cliché we could possibly think of, right?
And me, being me, I chose to make the generic harem protagonist.
With a Charm ability.
Which I used in response to everything.
And crit failed literally almost Every. Single. Time. Without fail. (Or success I suppose.)
Except…

Me: I’m hungry from being beat up by the punks, I take his food.

DM: Are you sure? He’s the shōnen protagonist (a fellow player), he will fight you over his food

Shōnen: Yeah, I will fight you over that donut.

Me: Ugh fine roll for charm. (At this point me saying “roll for charm” is practically a reflex)

DM: Okay, fine roll. I swear to god, if you crit fail AGAIN…

Me: NAT. 20!!!!! FINALLY IT WORKED!

DM: But wait, you may have a Nat. 20, but your charm attempt still fails, because shōnen MCs are immune to charm

Me: WHY LORD WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME

Get Up and Use Me
Fire Engines
Get Up and Use Me

I’ve had three aspirations throughout my life. To discover the Higgs boson, start a punk band, and die in space. With the first goal now completely out of the question, I’ve only got two more.

Godammit, I’m starting a punk band and nothing’s going to stop me. Lawrence better be prepared when I roll into town with my bass strapped to my back, eyes on the lookout for any talentless dipshit that has an out of tune guitar and a fist full of angst. This self-professed shit fest has only just begun, motherfuckers.