I never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.
Mark Twain (1835-1910), American writer & humorist. Among his novels are The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885). He was of Cornish, English & Scots-Irish descent.
“Let’s think the unthinkable, let’s do the undoable. Let us prepare to
grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after
– Douglas Adams, born March 11, 1952. (The universe misses you.)
Charles Farrar Browne (April 26, 1834 – March 6, 1867)
American humor writer, better known under his nom de plume, Artemus Ward. He is considered to be America’s first stand-up comedian. (Wikipedia)
From our stacks: Introduction, frontispiece and cover detail from The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (Charles F. Browne). A New Impression with portrait by Geflowski and a facsimile. London: Chatto & Windus, 1905.
I’ve read a lot of Check Please that made me cringe whenever I see a French word, because the first rule of Québécois is: don’t try this if you’re not Québécois. Lurk a couple of years before trying your first swears.
But hey, if you want to try, let me give you a few pointers.
We don’t say “Eh” in French. Jack may say it because he speaks Canada English, but over here in Québec we still wonder why that’s a thing.
We swear in both English and French.
Strange thing, though. Religious swears (crisse, câlice, tabernak) are seen as very rude, when English swears (shit, fuck) are better accepted. An humorist or actor would use Shit and Fuck before using Tabernak.
Jack ZImmermann is a polite boy and will mostly use “merde” and English swears in regular situations. Alicia didn’t raise a rude boy.
But all bets are off in hockey.
I have never seen or heard about someone using a religious swear in bed. You can try, but it’s weird.
“Oh mon dieu” (Oh my god) works. Oui = yes. Encore = again.
Okay, here are the swears you can use
Ostie, pronouced ‘sti (stee)
Câlisse, emphasis on the a, like a huge emphasis, pronouced Cow-leess
Crisse, from Christ, pronouced Creesssss
Tabarnak, can be pronouced Tab-arr-nahk
Maudit, means damned, pronounced Mow-dee
They can all be used individually, but can also be added with a “de” in between (de = of). Examples:
Ostie de câlisse
Crisse de câlisse
Ostie de câlisse de tabernak
You can use them as a noun, to mean “you fucker”
Mon écoeurant (you who makes me sick, not a swear but means the same)
Also see: Maudit écoeurant.
You can conjugate as a verb
Je vais t’en crisser une (I’m gonna hit you / fuck you up)
Je vais t’en câlisser une
now it’s all very polite “Je vais”, but if someone is using Crisser et Câlisser as verbs, it’s more probable they use M’as instead of Je vais (it’s a lower joual, very effective) So instead of writing Je vais t’en… Use these:
M’as t’en crisser une
J’vais t’en câlisse une
You can use them as adverbs and adjectives.
Un ostie de beau coup. (An fucking beautiful shot)
Un crisse de bon gars (A fucking great guy.)
Une câlisse de bonne bière (A fucking good beer)
But remember, Jack is polite and mostly won’t use them outside of the rink. And even less in bed. Mostly, he’d say shit or fuck, sometimes merde, and keep the huge swearing when he steps on a lego or something. (But the French speaking Falconers could easily use any of the above.)Have fun! Next time I’ll do a Pet Names 101 because some of what I’ve seen made me cry.
Eva: I wanted to write a causerie*, but I’m not funny at all, I find it really hard.
Noora: Yeah, I don’t understand causerie either.
Eva: I was really struggling. It’s like, there’s no use that I have a good day if we’ve got midterms.
(Eva and Noora’s voices drown out and we only hear Noora chewing the carrot)
Eva (muffled): Are you joining?
Eva: Are you joining us for McDonald’s?
Sana: No, I’m prepping for the midterm.
Noora: Should we bring you anything?
Sana: No. No, thanks.
Eva: Yes..see ya!
(Sana looks out to see Noora and Eva join Vilde and Sara. A familiar nose enters the picture..)
Isak: Has Sara nicked your friends?
Sana: What? No!
Isak: Right, ok. I’m kidding.
(Isak looks out and watches Vilde and Sara hug)
Isak: Fake fake fake fake.. girls..Sara doesn’t like Vilde.
Sana: How do you know that?
Isak: Because she bad-mouths her.
Sana: To you?
Sana: Are you and Sara friends or something?
Isak: We used to be together.
Sana: True. (pause) How could you stand being together with her?
Isak: Well, who knows.. It wasn’t a very sexual relationship, to put it that way. Chatting mostly. Thinking back on it now I was more of an online therapist than a boyfriend. Would’ve loved to have some cash now, for all that time I spent reading shitty messages about russ friends and so on. Couldn’t have given more of a fuck!
Isak: Hey. Sister groups are groups which are only defined morphologically?
Sana: No. Sister groups are groups that are similar in outer characteristics but can be completely different genetically.
Isak: I’ll go hang myself.*
* A causerie is a genre within writing which can be sort of a personal essay with a humoristic or ironic twist. Read more about it here, if you’re interested. Kåseri (causerie) is a very common task on midterms in Norwegian - it’s usually a choice of many because you don’t have to think too hard about language rules, and you can write in a more “verbal”, informal way.
** = Isak’s last comment (which probably sounds like a very disturbing thing to say) is very common “utterance” when you feel like everything’s fucked and there’s no hope left. Of course, people use it sarcastically. And sometimes as an insult: for example, if you’re angry with someone, let’s say a guy who’s touching you and you’ve already asked him to go away, you could tell him “Gå og heng deg!” (literally: Go hang yourself!) which would translate to Fuck off! :)
Lastly, I’m sorry about the horrid translation of their conversation, about sister groups/species - biology is not my field - I barely understood what they meant in Norwegian as well :P Anyway, they’re talking about this, I believe: sister group
To be honest if an idol can’t sing or rap their 5seconds line proprely they should have never became idol. I’m not sating that they should all have Celine Dion singing ability, not at all, but they should a least be able to deliver their lines proprely. And I don’t care if “yes but he is a good dancer”, no if he is only good at dancing then he should have been a dancer, same goes for visual and funny people they should have became a model or an humorist then.