humor take


“Wanna kiss?”


True story

While I was in the car (waiting for my mom to get back from the store) I totally saw this middle-aged woman taking selfies of herself

and you could totally tell she was feelin’ it

I had nothing better to do so I kinda kept watching her thinking the whole time ‘yas babe you do you be confident own that camera yasss’

but then I got spotted

She looked so embarrassed and I felt bad because I was kinda the one creeping so I gave her a thumbs up and then we started taking selfies together while laughing and it was magical 

Split is so unrealistic because do you really think my system has the energy or time to go out and kidnap three teenagers? we’re too busy trying to figure out why someone thought it worthwhile to buy yet another package of gel pens when we already have 3 packages that are still useable. We would not be able to pull off a successful kidnapping we’re drowning in gel pens


If you sneeze on my stuff I will disown you

me on New Year's Eve
  • 11.59: Thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great
  • 12.01: Last year's wishes are this year's apologies