humor of sorts

[Request] Each house as: a Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes product
  • Gryffindor: Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs - unstoppable fireworks who multiply when hit by a spell or another firework
  • Hufflepuff: Canary Creams - Turn the eater into a canary
  • Ravenclaw: Patented Daydream Charm - 30mn long undetectable daydream (not until you're 16yo though)
  • Slytherin: Ever-Bashing Boomerang - A very savage boomerang
Sordid Sorting

Godric Gryffindor: “Sorting Hat, you are my greatest creation. It will be up to you to sort every Hogwarts student into the house where they truly belong.”

Sorting Hat: “I shall strive to be fair and equitable, master.”

GG: “What?! No, forget that noise. I made you and you’re going to put the kids where I tell you.”

SH: “Oh, uh OK. What did you have in mind?”

GG: “First, put all the cool kids in Gryffindor. Then put the jerks in Slytherin, the nerds in Ravenclaw, and everybody else in Hufflepuff.”

SH: “Don’t you think the other founders will object?”

GG: “Nah! We’ll just tell Salazar he’s getting all the ‘ambitious kids,’ we’ll tell Rowena she’s getting the smart kids, and Helga… Y'know, Helga’s pretty chill. I don’t think she’ll bug us about it.”

SH: “OK, whatever you say boss.”

GG: “Dang straight.”

No, the blog isn’t dead!

This is a long-time coming buuutttt I guess I should finally say something. So first off- no, the blog isn’t dead forever! I’ve just been taking a very long, very unplanned hiatus due to personal reasons that I’ll touch on a bit.

Putting it under a readmore because it’s a lot but TLDR version:

EQP is not dead! It’s just on impromptu hiatus until I figure some real life things out.

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Each house as: a hot drink
  • Gryffindor: Milk coffee – a refill of energy, but with some sweetness in it, kindly gets you through the day
  • Hufflepuff: Hot chocolate – warm, comfy, with a lot of whipped cream when everything is shit
  • Ravenclaw: Tea – Multiple flavors and colors, surprisingly strong under a calm façade, best companion for a reading session
  • Slytherin: Black coffee – determined, monochrome & shiny, makes you feel kind of like a dramaqueen when you order it
  • white person: where are u from
  • me: what
  • white person: u know. what nationality are u
  • white person: what shade of yellow. what flavor of exotic. what country is ur family from. from what city in the Glorious Country of Asia were you birthed. what Foreign Land were u born in
  • me:
  • me:
  • me:
  • white person: from what branch of Orientalism do u derive yourself from
Each house as: a kind of bird
  • Gryffindor: parrot – remarkable individuals, energetic, everyone wants to befriend them
  • Hufflepuff: pink flamingo – funny as hell, lives in group, a ton of worthy anecdotes about them
  • Ravenclaw: peacock – beautiful and original, an artistic inclination, iridescent changing colors
  • Slytherin: swan – something of a reputation, graceful on water but mean af when provoked, very picky in their faithfulness

The Mystery of Jin’s Last Missing Ring

…a few days after filming Run! BTS ep. 11

Yoongi: *Emerges from the bathroom looking pleased with himself and whistling* 

Yoongi: Good News Jin, tell the stylists I got their ring back.  

Jin: I don’t think they want it back Yoongi

Yoongi: Good that was the plan, so ok *raises voice* MY new ring is sitting on the counter in the bathroom nobody touch it.  

Jin:  That won’t be a problem.  I still can’t believe you swallowed it.  

Yoongi: I take gift giving seriously. 

Wrench FBI Audio Logs *spoilers below*

So, I replayed through the game to get to the FBI section of the game to be able to note down all the info about the audio logs regarding Wrench. So, for those who wanted to know, below you will be able to read all of them! :D They are not perfectly transcribed but I did my best! 

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but can you just imagine. sam or tony or clint or someone walking in on steve drawing bucky. bucky completely nude and at ease, lounging on a beanbag chair. steve’s not even blushing, just drawing intently. bucky saying “sup” like he’s not as naked as the day he was born and sprawled out in full view as captain america does a very, very detailed sketch of him

Ashes, Ashes

Pairing: Pansy Parkinson x Ginny Weasley

AU: Modern, non-magical, Project Runway AU

Word Count: 1,157

Written For: getcozywithtposey (happy birthday, sweetie!)

Pansy almost misses the application deadline for the show.

She spends four hours shading in the lines of the pencil sketches in her portfolio and then wastes twenty-five minutes staring aghast at the blinking black cursor on her laptop screen when she gets to the lone lonely essay question at the end and it’s asking her ‘Who are you?’ like she has any idea how to answer and it’s frustrating.

Because she’s a crumpled white envelope overflowing with half-smoked cigarettes and expensive hotel stationary and she’s been around the world and back and has the scars and the postage stamps and the passport ink to prove it and she’d been The Snitch in high school and The Burnout in college and sometimes she’s blank but more often than not she’s empty and she’s been secretly steamed open and left out to dry so that no one could see the marks and she’s been taped shut and scribbled on and thrown away and she’s all of these things and all of these moments and how can she condense that into a 250-word personal statement?

She winds up writing about her idyllic childhood summers at the Cape and how graduating from Parsons had changed her life and when she gets her callback a few weeks later from the network she wears a black leather jacket over a lace-collared white Chanel dress and sneers at the other applicants in the sleek, chrome-accented waiting room and that isn’t the day she first speaks to Ginny Weasley, no, but it is the day that she first notices her.

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The Sorting Hat's Job
  • Gryffindor: I'll take the bravest.
  • Ravenclaw: I'll take the smartest.
  • Slytherin: I'll take the purest.
  • Hufflepuff: I'll take the rest.
  • Sorting Hat: You'll take what I blood well give you.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're getting Potter only because he refused Slytherin.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're getting Black, he also refused Slytherin.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're also getting Granger, she refused Ravenclaw.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're getting Pettigrew, because he didn't want Hufflepuff.
  • Sorting Hat: You know what?
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, I'll just sort everyone to your House.