humans for animals

Been working with the rescue to get the stray cat taken care of since yesterday. I’m so glad he’ll at least be looked after and maybe even get a home. So he was picked up around noon. 

Anyways, I made a Facebook post on my little towns group page to see if he belonged to anyone. I swear the people in my town are complete nincompoops. Complete nincompoops! 

Aliens are so used to humans wanting to pet the most deadliest creatures they find because PUPPER that they have prepared on every ship with a human crewmate. They have human sitting duties and at least 2 chaperones when going planet-side, just in case they get any ideas.

Then a crew gets a human for the first time and it’s everything like what the Human Care Manual says. The human is loud, but pleasant, always joke around with the crew and was tremendous during that Flokkut Raid on Sector 6. The human even brought a camera with it to take pictures on the ship (it’s bigger than most, downright obnoxious in shape to some of the crew, but the human is happy with it, and a happy human is a bonded human)

So then they go down to a planet, letting the human explore with his chaperones. After walking for a while the group stumbles on a herd of Dwetts, elks with fish eyes and flippers. The aliens sigh cause it was bound to see creatures sooner or later, and turn to give Acceptable Reason #6 from the manual, when the human disappeared! They freak out because how did the human leave??? Does it have invisibility??? That wasn’t part of the manual!! But they hear their human saying “guys, stop moving! You’re going to upset them!”

They look down to see the human lying on his stomach looking through his camera, taking pictures. They were shocked, but did as they were told and sat down. For hours they watched the human taking photos, being as quiet as still as possible. This couldn’t be the same human??

When the human was done, it got up, stretched, and headed back for the ship. The chaperones followed suit. When they got back the captain was surprised that they returned without a creature (even with 2 chaperones, he suspected that the human would win anyway) but was astonished to hear what had happened.

“You didn’t want to take one as these ‘pets’ for the ship??”

“No???? Why would I? They aren’t domesticated, they need space to live which the ship wouldn’t supply.”

“But aren’t they cute in human terms?”

“I mean, I would say more interesting than cute. But seriously, how would we take care of it? How to feed it, groom it, keep away from all the sensitive equipment? It would be dangerous for us and it if we take one from the wild. You really want one that badly?”

“Wha- No! It’s just…you seemed to like them?”

“I mean yeah, it’s a new animal species, and I did take pictures, but not as long as I hoped for. Honestly you have to look at the ecosystem here before getting any animals on board.”

The captain immediately notified the Human Care Committee that their section on animal bonding does not apply to human subclass professional wildlife photographer

Quite a few have been saying:”But what about laughing?”, in the comments of my ‘Weird Human Reactions to Fear: the Singing Edition’ post. My question is: do you know why humans laugh when shit gets real?

Laughter is our brain’s Blue Screen of Death.

Where a computer would throw up an error and possibly crash, our brains go:”well, shit”, and hit the big red button labelled: ‘LAUGHTER (and possibly applause, but probably not applause)’. Since we need our brains 24/7, we don’t have the luxury of error messages. So our brains buy some time to figure out what’s going on by making us laugh in the weirdest situations.

Imminent doom? Laugh.

Absolutely livid? Laugh.

Distraught? Laugh.

Pretty sure you’re gonna die? Laugh.

I mean, we can’t be sure the aliens don’t have brains that work the same way, but seeing as other animals on Planet Earth don’t really have that either… that’d probably freak them the fuck out too.

Not only do the gangly bipeds sing when they’re scared, they could just as easily start laughing.

I am a Huge Nerd for alien and human interactions that go across tumblr (space Australia and Stabby come to mind) but like for real what about the human concept of luck? Each culture has its own, too, and also superstition so like this human will go nowhere near black cats but others are just like ‘oh kitty kitty kitty’.

Try to explain to someone that doesn’t understand that breaking a mirror is more than just a glass hazard. No it’s not a mystical mirror or a religious thing. It’s just a mirror, you broke it, now you get 7 earth years of bad luck. Is to the day? Who knows. But 7 years dude.

Or like that one person who always has stuff break around them. ‘Why are they banned from the engine room?’ 'Just trust us Nyrak.’

Or what about people who things always go outrageously right for. That person where any number of the things that happen should not even be able to happen, and yet here we are.

That person that has the luck/innate skill to balance anything on their nose.

Lucky numbers. The importance of the zodiac too, while we’re at it. “The stars are not in alignment” 'have you been reading that human newspaper again Marshal?’ “No, Lydia, shut up” ,Are your species sensitive to the stars, humans?, “Nyark you know if I could explain it I would but I honestly cannot”

Good luck explaining Murphy’s Law to aliens who do not have the concept of luck or cosmic mythical interference.

Signs as Horror Anime

Aries: Elfen Lied

Originally posted by kumokuraza

Taurus: Deadman Wonderland

Originally posted by narutoquotess

Gemini: Hellsing

Originally posted by blvckshinxbi

Cancer: Highschool of the Dead

Originally posted by tsugumi

Leo: Parasyte: The Maxim

Originally posted by rinnegon

Virgo: Corpse Party: Tortured Souls (OVA)

Originally posted by cetix-desu

Libra: Mirai Nikki

Originally posted by anime1trash

Scorpio: Ajin: Demi-Human

Originally posted by rnewtu

Sagittarius: Devil May Cry: The Animated Series

Originally posted by subzeros

Aquarius: Tokyo Ghoul

Originally posted by tsugumi

Capricorn: Akame ga Kill!

Originally posted by kingmashiro

Pisces: Blue Exorcist

Originally posted by goanimeloverblog



I though that Corpse Party: Tortured Souls” scared me, but then I finished “Elfen Lied”…. Wow.

Humans are Weirdos (ft.  animals)

I know a popular ‘humans are weird to aliens’ topic is how easily humans can bond to animals. But then think the opposite.

We humans are so weird because we are practically bonding magnets to animals.

We have our social hierarchies, so it makes sense that we can fit in with certain groups like dogs and even gorillas if we can understand them enough. We get ourselves acquainted with dogs who have been domesticated and these dogs will leap into our laps and constantly bother us for pets and treats and licking us as a way to show affection. People who can get certain animals to open up to us are super cool. Aliens are in awe of how our understanding of them can get us into a pack so readily that humans who are super close to normally protective dog mothers are allowed to hold their precious babies.

We can even manage to bond with animals like cats, known to be mostly solitary. We care for these cats and when they’re comfortable they will break their isolation and seek us out for affection.

Imagine an alien seeing a dog or cat go to an upset human and try to nuzzle them or snuggle into their lap to let themselves be held for our emotional comfort. These animals which, though currently domesticated, were descended from predators streamlined towards a goal of becoming efficient hunters. Willingly coming to our emotional aid and comforting us because they’ve bonded with us so closely.

Aliens see dogs act as protectors and bark away intruders on the human territory, but instantly turn happy when they know it’s their owner and friend. They see cats utilizing inborn maternal instincts to hunt down and leave 'gifts’ of dead things in an effort to feed and teach their humans to take care of them since we’re such worthless hunters in their eyes. They’ll even know if something is wrong with humans medically before we do, or know about disturbances in the home like fires or gas leaks, and will uncharacteristically jump us to get us out of danger.

And when humans are in danger by others, and an animal senses it before we do, these animals will immediately jump on the defensive and snarl and warn against any potential enemies  and try to alert us.

You’ve got dogs who will literally jump on intruders and bite them when they’re trying to attack their human owners. Throwing themselves and and intimidating animals many times larger than themselves for our sake. Even cats, the ones people might think aren’t very interested in their humans, will throw themselves into the fray and claw the hell out of something that’s a danger to a precious human of theirs.


And, for an added bonus, imagine if we can get this to apply to bigger, deadlier animals with similar capacity for pack bonding.

After months and months of talking, mimicking, feeding, and caring for a giant predator the rest of the crew refuses to near, it’s sort of relaxed to the human. A sense of loyalty that 'yes, this creature cares for me’. Then, one day, pirates invade the vessel and somehow the animal gets loose. Cue the crew panicking when it comes ambling out of its’ holding bay at the time when a pirate is about to bring a knife or something down on the human. Two seconds later this pirate is running and screaming for its life when it sees it. The creature takes a running start, LEAPS over the human (which was closest to it and already injured) and takes off after it. When that pirate is either captured or dead, the creature returns to the human, nuzzling them and making sounds to see if they’re okay.

The human is smiling and mimicking the sounds back, or just talking to it to say what a 'good boy’ it is.

The aliens of the crew are in shock.  The rest of the humans just smile knowingly.

Humans are weird

So I have an addition to Humans are Weird.

So you all know that urge we have when we want to hug the living shit out of adorable creatures? Well, this is actually a real scientific reaction called “cute aggression” (source) and the behaviour springs up even more when we actually can’t touch the cause of Cuteness.

Can you just imagine the aliens’ reactions to the fact that humans are pretty much brain wired to kill things we find cute? And that a lot of them are baby animals that grows up to be vicious creatures that could probably kill us?

Like, the aliens are having a live sending about the most dangerous animals in the known galaxies and they have numerous teams all over the place. They are filming it from afar and have studied them as much as possible and they’re like:

Narrator

This is a Fantolus cub that will grow up to be most deadly predator on the death planet Moss. A fully grown Fantolus spews poisonous gas and can kill you i- what the-?

           Narrator breaks off in confusion.

On screen, tiny figures are approaching the cub. The cub looks harmless and innocent. The alien film crew zooms in. It’s a group of humans. They have sound.

Human with fancy space hat

           Human looks into camera.

Hey, how ya doin’? Look over there, right there. That’s a Fantolus cub. If the mother finds me this close, and I’m gone!

I’m gonna pick it up.

           Human hugs it to death. The other humans sigh enviously.