Okay, here’s the problem with the idea that oppressed groups can “alienate allies” by not being nice enough:
You shouldn’t be an ally because oppressed groups are nice to you. You should be an ally because you believe that they deserve basic human rights. Hearing “I hate men” shouldn’t make men stop being feminist. Hearing “fuck white people” shouldn’t make white people stop opposing racism.
Your opposition to oppression should be moral, and immovable. Your belief that all humans should be treated with equal respect shouldn’t be conditional based on whether or not individual people are nice to you.
Any predictions about where the women’s movement will go from here would be both premature and probably incorrect (I was, after all, the seer who predicted a McGovern sweep in 1972). But where we have been has taught us a number of lessons. That complacency is the enemy. That major social changes doesn’t just happen. And finally that the responsibility and impetus for better the lives of women is in the hands of women, with all the help they can get … from all the friends and allies they can find.
Roberta Benjamin, A personal history of the Boston women’s movement (1977)