human oddity

HUMANS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. STOP.

Let’s just admit it, y'all. If we found a way to harvest the alcohol floating around in space we would definitely do that thing ASAP.

What if aliens had to pass this particular part of the galaxy to get to their destination and once the humans find out that; “yes Steve, this is a giant poisonous cloud made of what you call methyl and ethyl alcohol, and no Martha you may not open the hatch and use your latest invention Maybe It Works This Time-Inator – no wait, you stop RIGHT THIS INSTANT HUMANS IT IS NOT SAFE FOR YOU OUT THERE–”

Humans are badass

Alright so i don’t have a reliable source so don’t quote me on this but a friend told me that in certain parts of Canada and Siberia, remote villages are supplied by train. The train supplies them by throwing said supplies straight out of the train without stopping.
The reason for this is that because if the train where to stop, the engine would get so cold, so fast that it wouldnt start anymore. Leaving them stranded.
This in itself is a pretty badass fact, but then there are the people actively LIVING in that area, going about there day to day life in such temperatures.
We literally live in places cold enough that the cold breaks engines, and we are fine about that.
Humans are fucking badass.

It’s early in the morning and nobody will probably read this but I just had the greatest ‘humans are space orcs’ idea

Imagine if humans are the only species that experiences impatience.

Think about it. Most prey animals are extremely patient. Ever meet a deer or a rabbit in the woods and hold still to try and out-wait the thing? I can guarantee your brain starts sending bored bored bored messages very quickly, and your instincts start telling you to give up and find something else to do. Humans can do the patience thing- as evidenced by our endurance hunting methods- but our instincts tell us not to. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this feels like a predator development. I have the idea that if aliens are mostly prey-based, and we’re predator-based, then the aliens will be very patient and we just aren’t.

As an evolutionary development, being impatient can be brilliant. It means that we didn’t sit around and wait for the ice caps to warm up, we knew we didn’t have the technology to survive that level of cold, but we did it anyways. We were trying to send people into the sky and then into space before we had fully figured it all out, simply because we didn’t want to wait and think it out, we wanted SPACE and we wanted it NOW. And personally, I tend to be extremely productive and inventive when I’m feeling impatient. Mechanic is booked for a few days? I’ll figure out how to change my oil and tires and tint my car’s windows myself. Strawberry season is still 4 months away? I’ll get a heat lamp setup and grow them myself. Friends can’t visit and help move furniture for a week? I’ll build a trolley out of some toy cars, tape, a chessboard, and do all the lifting myself.

This impatience is what made us design faster cars, faster computers, faster internet, faster communication, methods of growing food faster, of processing food faster, we’re always looking for the quickest and most efficient thing simply because we are not patient. 

Impatience leads to a type of creativity and persistence that patience just doesn’t have.

Imagine aliens starting to realize this.

“You got to your moon before you had developed LED screens??? You didn’t even have computers that could do basic math?!”
“Well, what else were we gonna do, sit around and wait?”

“Your planes don’t have gravitational control? Don’t you experience discomfort from the acceleration and directional changes?”
“Sure. But we needed to get on the other side of the planet in a decent amount of time.”
“So… what you’re articulating is that you’d rather have physical distress than have to have a long journey?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Human____, our mechanical teams will be on site in several of your earth hours, so we won’t be going anywhere until then.”
“Screw that. Where’s the manual for this thing? I bet I can fix it.”
“But you don’t have any mechanical training.”
“I also don’t feel like sitting around on this rock for ages.”

“You’re back already? I thought your medical representative told you to not be walking on that limb for another of your weeks.”
“Ugh. I just can’t anymore. I’ve got to get up and move and do something, anything.”
“But doesn’t that hurt to walk on?”
“Absolutely.”
“…You would choose pain over waiting?”
“What can I say, I’m not a patient person.”

Like aliens just being baffled that humans would rather work hard or struggle with a problem or even experience pain and discomfort. They, as prey species, are used to just waiting it out. They don’t have the same impatience driving them to get up and go and to fight through things just because they can’t wait any longer.

Bonus: 
Human: Ain’t nobody got time for that!
Alien: Why don’t you have time? Is something scheduled soon?
Human: No, I just don’t feel like wasting time.
Alien: But… it’s not wasted. It’s time well spent. And you do technically have the time to spare for that. If there’s nothing scheduled, then you do ‘got time for that’.
Human: No. No, I don’t. It’s just… no.

Humans Are Weird

I saw a post about introverted humans in Space and thought of this scenario:

Can you imagine the aliens bringing human companions on board and all of them are boisterous and loud and spilling their pack-bonding everywhere, except one?

“Introvert,” the humans whisper, and the aliens are confused because sweet stars, is it ill? Is it deficient? Is it going to die? Worse: is it going to get them all killed?

But, no. It speaks. Quietly and only when necessary, but it performs the formal greeting of “Friend” when crossing paths with crewmates, and answers all questions. It attends all meetings and functions and engagements, but it sits off to the side, sometimes reading, sometimes participating, sometimes observing. This observing causes some alarm among the aliens because is it hunting? Are they safe?

It even hides in the ventilation shafts - “For peace and quiet,” it says, when asked.

Queries are posed to the other humans: “What is “introvert”? Is it remedial? Will it infect us?“

“No,” the humans respond. “It’s normal. It’s just a trait some humans have. You’re perfectly safe.”

So the aliens continue on but it’s no unknown fact that everyone has a set of eyes on the introvert.

Pirates aren’t uncommon in these nebulae. They take anything of value: momentos, tech, food, and crew. Humans are a popular trade item on black markets - as companions, as toys, as food - and are literally worth their weight in credits.

The crew is subdued quickly, and the roster produced. The aliens fear for their humans, all eleven of them. But wait. Where’s the introvert?

It’s missing, and the pirate captain sends out five of his biggest to recover it.

The five don’t even make it to the cargo bay doors before the lights shut off. Bad news for the pirates who have bio-luminescent markings on their hides, particularly around their bare heads.

The glare of a fired photon pistol is their only warning. The number of glares matches the number of pirates, no more, no less. And when the lights come back up, there’s the introvert, sliding out of the ventilation shaft to stand in a lake of bio-luminescent blood with a supernova burning in its eyes.

It smiles at them and murmurs, “Friends” in its usual quiet tone as it cuts the captain free.

There is nothing but stunned awe as each crewmate greets in reply, “Friend.”

No, there truly is nothing wrong with their introverted human whose designation is Danielle, and even if there were, no one would change it. They very much like Danielle the way she is.

Aliens are so used to humans wanting to pet the most deadliest creatures they find because PUPPER that they have prepared on every ship with a human crewmate. They have human sitting duties and at least 2 chaperones when going planet-side, just in case they get any ideas.

Then a crew gets a human for the first time and it’s everything like what the Human Care Manual says. The human is loud, but pleasant, always joke around with the crew and was tremendous during that Flokkut Raid on Sector 6. The human even brought a camera with it to take pictures on the ship (it’s bigger than most, downright obnoxious in shape to some of the crew, but the human is happy with it, and a happy human is a bonded human)

So then they go down to a planet, letting the human explore with his chaperones. After walking for a while the group stumbles on a herd of Dwetts, elks with fish eyes and flippers. The aliens sigh cause it was bound to see creatures sooner or later, and turn to give Acceptable Reason #6 from the manual, when the human disappeared! They freak out because how did the human leave??? Does it have invisibility??? That wasn’t part of the manual!! But they hear their human saying “guys, stop moving! You’re going to upset them!”

They look down to see the human lying on his stomach looking through his camera, taking pictures. They were shocked, but did as they were told and sat down. For hours they watched the human taking photos, being as quiet as still as possible. This couldn’t be the same human??

When the human was done, it got up, stretched, and headed back for the ship. The chaperones followed suit. When they got back the captain was surprised that they returned without a creature (even with 2 chaperones, he suspected that the human would win anyway) but was astonished to hear what had happened.

“You didn’t want to take one as these ‘pets’ for the ship??”

“No???? Why would I? They aren’t domesticated, they need space to live which the ship wouldn’t supply.”

“But aren’t they cute in human terms?”

“I mean, I would say more interesting than cute. But seriously, how would we take care of it? How to feed it, groom it, keep away from all the sensitive equipment? It would be dangerous for us and it if we take one from the wild. You really want one that badly?”

“Wha- No! It’s just…you seemed to like them?”

“I mean yeah, it’s a new animal species, and I did take pictures, but not as long as I hoped for. Honestly you have to look at the ecosystem here before getting any animals on board.”

The captain immediately notified the Human Care Committee that their section on animal bonding does not apply to human subclass professional wildlife photographer

Imagine aliens reacting to human eating habits.

For instance, taste. Like, one day an alien notices the human crew member dumping something bright orange on their midday ration.

Alien: Does your supplement not have the right nutrients/?
Human: No, it just tastes bad.
Alien: ????
Human: Well, not precisely bad, but bland. It’s boring. So I thought I’d spice it up a bit. *waves bottle of bright orange substance*
Alien: You add items to your food that provide no necessary sustenance???
Human: Oh, just wait ‘til you hear about junk food.

‘Cause humans eat stuff that is not good just for the sensation. Like really spicy foods, chewing gum, and all these spices. And the aliens don’t get it. You put that in your body? Doesn’t that mess up your digestive system? What purpose does it serve?

Or human eating rituals. If you eat with one group of humans there are all of these utensils, some of which look extremely similar, but each with it’s own unique purpose. And if you don’t use the right one at the right time it’s a social faux pas. Then another group mostly uses their hands and lick their fingers. Does this not introduce pathogens? And you’ll see the same human doing both behaviors.

And there’s the whole concept of a meal as a social endeavor. Humans will have a meal with those they are close with as a sign of affection. Humans don’t even spend the entire meal eating, no they use it to talk. Business is done, friends catch up, families share news. All over a meal.

Aliens considering food a necessity not to be discussed in public. Yet here are these humans, who post pictures of their food to social media, share recipes, use food as a social catalyst, and as comfort. Hell, comfort food as a completely human idea that aliens don’t understand.

Anyway, humans are weird.

So a lot of ‘Humans are weird/space orcs’ posts always say that humans are 'apex predators’, but really we’re not.

We’re a 2.2 on the food chain (highest is 5). To put that into perspective about a pig or an anchovy. Yeah.

So imagine aliens thinking that well obviously humans must be the apex predators of Earth, after all they’re so advanced, use pursuit as a form of attack and have high pain tolerance etc etc.

But they find out that we aren’t. We literally just said “fuck you food chain” and rose above our standing. Imagine how aliens would react to that.

Humans Are Weird (Pregnancy and Babies)

“Humans are weird” post! What if all aliens actually hatch from eggs and our planet is the only one in the universe that has mammals on it. For an alien, the shell of their egg is a bit like their birth certificate because it’s the proof that they were born, so it’s extremely important for them. To study the development of certain species, they sometimes have to ask some specimen of that species to show them their shell. But then, they visit Earth and meet humans…

Alien: Good morning Human-Nate. I am Xers, an eggshell specialist. In order to study your species development, I need you to show me the shell of the egg that you hatched from. Don’t worry, I am a professional. I can guarantee that you will have it back in the same state as it was when you entrusted it to me.
Human: hummmm, I’m sorry but I don’t have any eggshell to show you…..
Alien: Could it be that you lost it? If so, please excuse me for my previous request. I am sorry if you thought that it was a rude of me.
Human: Don’t apologize, it’s fine! *nervous hand gesture* I didn’t lose it or anything. It’s just that I never had one in the first place. Humans do not hatch from eggs.
Alien: W-what? They don’t?! Then how?
Human: Well, to put it short, the baby grows inside of the mother’s uterus for 9 months and then, when they are ready, they just…come out…by another part of the the mother’s reproductive system.
Alien: Directly from the uterus? With no shell or protection?! Baby humans actually SURVIVE this?!
Human: Yup, and I am the living proof! *laughs*
Alien: …..what the hell is wrong with your species.

To learn more about what humans call “pregnancy”, Xers went to see a pregnant woman and asked her questions about the singular gestation process of “mammals”. After a few minutes, the woman chuckled softly and put a hand on her round belly.

Alien: *worried* Human-Kate, are you alright?
Human: It’s nothing. I just felt a small kick from her. *chuckles*
Alien:….Did your growing organism just ATTACK YOU?!

You know i haven’t seen any of those “ humans are weird/space orcs/space australians” posts where humans are actually the first species to get to space …

I mean honestly considering how risky and difficult it was to launch people in space it would make sense if the first specie to do so was also the most resistant 

and if we cross this with the post about humans randomly helping animals: 

what if humans are seen as this super dangerous species who will nevertheless immediately go out of their way to help you if you need some help ? sure humans are terrifying but as a whole they’re just seen as this strange protector/guardian species that has always been out there 

Submitted by @ attentiondeficitohlookasquirre

Imagine an alien species that venerates the spoken word.

Speaking is a sacred thing to them. Why wouldn’t it be? it’s the ritual exchange of information through a complex series of structures evolved over millennia. That’s a really big deal. So they only ever speak to each other in words to relay important information, like orders or thins not already obvious. Small talk either doesn’t exist or is only exchanged with your closest friends or family members. Otherwise it’s not just impolite, but practically blasphemy.

Then humans come along. At first they seem like they’re the same way–their ambassadors are eloquent and polite, and sure maybe their wording can be a little needlessly fancy, but every species is a little different and you’ve gotta make some allowances.

That’s what the aliens think until they actually meet their human crew mates.

And they discover that humans??? Will just say???? Anything?????

One human is braiding another’s hair and comments, “you have so much hair!” as if the other human didn’t know that already??? Their alien crew member is absolutely appalled at the casual use of speech to relay such pithy information. But the other human doesn’t even care???

Another human sees something funny and says “I’m dying” and the alien runs over like “OH NO WHERE DOES IT HURT” and the human is utterly baffled and says “I didn’t actually mean it” which is outrageous because why would that human dare use the power of speech to state something blatantly untrue?

The alien thinks they’ve seen the worst of it. And then a human comes out of the latrine. And they open their mouth.

“YOOOO GUYS I JUST TOOK THE BIGGEST SHIT”

Humans are ridiculous

I just want to throw my hat into the ring about the Humans Are Space Orcs trope that has been going around and I’ve been enjoying immensely.

You know how a large percentage of us have a fear of spiders? Even cripplingly so, like “kill it now I’m crying and breathing into a bag” kind of fear. So what if the aliens are monitoring our transmissions before making first contact, and see, for example, a bunch of Tumblr users discussing how scary spiders are?
Put that with how badass humans generally are (seriously, we invented surgery before we invented anesthetic and consume literal poison because we like the taste), how freaked out would the aliens be to learn that there’s something we truly fear? I can see it going down like this:
Human Steve: Tell us about FTL travel and your culture, we have much to learn from each other
Alien: Yeah yeah in a minute tell me about the spider threat are we safe right now or

Even better would be if Human Steve is not one of those people who is afraid of spiders at all. Like, he has a pet tarantula and puts wild spiders outside safely when they come into his bathroom, if he bothers with them at all. And the aliens are VERY CONCERNED about the little guys and he’s like ???? They aren’t??? A threat????
But then they consult with Human Bill, and Human Bill is basically Professional Spider Hater and goes on for a weirdly long time about how spiders are the actual devil and how black widows are really dangerous and let’s not even MENTION Australia. He gets the heebee jeebies and starts twitching and itching as he begins to feel phantom bugs on his skin.
Both Human Steve and Human Bill insist that the other is the weird one.
The aliens are more concerned than ever.

Humans are Space Orcs

Yet another addition…Teething. Babies, specifically.

“Human Veronica, your offspring is attempting to eat his toys.”

“Hm, oh, nah. He’s fine. He’s just teething. It’s normal.”

“Tee-thing? I do not understand.”

“Oh, well,” show baby’s mouth, “we aren’t born with teeth. They grow in when we’re babies. Babies like to chew on things when they teeth.”

“To sharpen them?”

“Uh, no. Not exactly. It’s just…something they do? The teeth have to cut through the mouth tissue after all.”

“Your bodies cut through themselves?”
Horrified alien.

“Pfft, you think that’s bad? Our skulls aren’t fully formed when we’re babies. They fuse together .”

With pack-bonding and stuff … what if humans are the only species who developed body language as an instinctual means of communication?

Humans are known for being terrifying in battles … especially if there’s more than one of them. They can coordinate their attacks without talking to each other. They only need to glance at each other and they know when and where to go. When asked about this mystical near-telepathy, most just make one of their strange movements-with-meanings called a “shrug” [note: a “shrug” suggests confusion or uncertainty] and say it has something to do with “knowing” the other person.

Sensible species explain what they’re doing when they want to work together. Yet once when when we were attacked by pirates, the two human guards barely said a few words. One whispered “Watch the green one.” - barely even a proper order! - and that was all they needed to charge forward.

They didn’t even need to shout their plans to each other when the two Z'arzz started the pincer movement they’d discussed before boarding. One human just stopped, the other hadn’t even asked her to distract them, she just did it! Charging forward and causing chaos almost immediately was a massive advantage for us. With only the cargo crew of a food shipment, it got us the extra time we needed to plan.

After we came to an agreement and took over, seeing them “team up” against the massive Grulnar (also known as “the green one”) was incredible - a reminder of the power of pack predator species. They barely even spoke and yet it was like they were wearing comms and voice-silencers. They moved like a hive-mind species, but with the tenacity and grace of humans to boot. I would have excreted in fear had I seen such powers used against me.

The pirates never stood a chance.

Submitted by @poichild

Human: *juggles*
Alien: !?
Human: Oh, yeah, it’s just a trick I picked up. Just for fun. I’m not, like, a real juggler
Alien: ‘Real’ In these contexts indicates a profession? There are people who do this for money?
Human: Oh yeah! I got a friend who’s a professional juggler *finds YouTube video*
Alien: !!
Human: Yeah, and also there’s combat juggling
Alien: This is a metaphorical combat, yes? For social dominance? You do not injure each other?
Human: Well, I mean, some injuries are gonna happen. That’s why my friend – the guy in that video – he can’t do combat juggling very much. He can’t risk injury, cuz he has to perform. it’s super fun, though. 
Alien: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??

Human’s reactions to anger!

I’m not talking about stomping off in a blind fury or brawling in the middle of a hall, but things like sobbing. Not tears in your eyes or little sniffles. I mean fully blown barely able to form sentences, snotty nose, tears gushing down your face crying.

“Oh my goodness. Human Roxy, I’m so sorry, please stop releasing liquid from your eyelids. I have not physically harmed you. Are you alright?”

“S-s-shut *sniff* y- *choke* *whine* yo- *sniff* your *sob* whor-r-re *sniff* mouth Utzslavog!”

“Human Roxy, please, let me take you to a medical care specialist.”

*Futailly wipes tears.* “Fight me.”

anonymous asked:

Aliens reacting to someone with braces? Thanks!

The human problem was growing bigger at an alarming pace. Back when they first started travelling through space, most had viewed their efforts as cute. Some had even cheered them on from afar. Of course, that was before they realised what kind of creatures humans really are and what kind of planet they originate on. Before they knew what humans did for fun.

The humans as a whole hadn’t attacked yet, but it was only a matter of time before they gathered their forces. The Ktynarian species had to be prepared.

As a result, they had commandeered a human craft, and with eight Ktynarians to every human, they’d managed to gain control of the vessel and the horrible creatures within.

Unfortunately it was common knowledge that getting a fully grown human to talk was a near impossible feat. Fortunately, there were several younglings on the ship. The majority were younglings actually, which was a surprise. Upon further investigation it was revealed the ship was operated by a training facility of the category ‘school’.

After separating the humans into smaller groups to minimise the risks of organised resistance, Commander Yldrik picked one of the medium sized younglings to interrogate – having heard that the bigger posed a threat in size, but that the smallest were often quick and nimble

Yes, the medium sized one were surely the easiest to make a first attempt on. And if that failed, they still had a plethora of other humans to interrogate. One of them would surely give them some useful information.

Some of the humans were secreting some sort of fluid from their optical organs, some making noises the Ktynarians couldn’t identify, but instructing them to be quiet seemed to just make them more intent on making the noises. Deciding it would be best to leave xir soldiers to deal with it, Commander Yldrik turned xir focus to the youngling xe had selected.

“What is your objective,” xe asked. Getting straight to the point had seemed like the best method, but the human didn’t seem to comprehend.

“What?”

“What is your objective? What are you here to accomplish?” xe repeated, seemingly surprising the human. Perhaps they hadn’t expected to be confronted, or for the Ktynarians to be suspicious of them. Clearly the humans had underestimated them.

“Well, I mean, a B would be great, but I’d settle for a C too,” the human responded, something in their mouth gleaming slightly. Under different circumstances Yldrik would have paid it more attention, but xe was preoccupied deciphering what the human had said.

A bee was a creature from the humans’ home planet, and apparently vital to their ecosystem. A sea however, was a large body of a particular kind of water, and their planet seemed to be largely consisting of it. Why would they possibly want more of it?

“Why?”

“It’s not my best subject,” they said, elevating an upper part of their anatomy. Yldrik knew xe had been informed of the meaning behind the movement, but xe had finally noticed something different about the human’s teeth. Something worrying.

“Bare your teeth.” The human seemed surprised by the order, but complied after a brief hesitation.

The sight that met xem was terrifying, even for someone with as much experience as Yldrik.

“W-what are those?”

The human looked perplexed at first, but seemed to understand what xe was referring to fairly quickly.

“You mean my braces?” the human asked before baring their teeth further. A grin. At least that was what xe thought the action was named by the humans. “It’s just metal. You see, my mouth had too many teeth in it, so they got a bit out of order. Crooked and all, you know? So when I was about thirteen my parents took me to a dentist who basically attached metal to them to force them to stay in place. Cool, huh?”

The tone in which the human spoke did no justice to the horrors that laid in their words. They spoke as if they didn’t realise how terrifying this information was – no, come to think about it, they spoke as if they enjoyed the horrors they’d clearly been put through.

“And this was necessary for your survival?” xe asked, seeing no other reasonable explanation.

“No, no it’s just because it looks better,” the human said, repeating the elevation of an upper part of their anatomy. They did something else too, with an appendage of theirs, but Yldrik was done paying attention.

In record time, every single Ktynarian had vacated the ship, control of which had been returned to the humans. Fortunately their ship had a far higher maximum speed than the humans.

Their only chance at survival would clearly be to stay as far away from the humans as possible. If they attacked, the Ktynarians would have no other option than to flee. A species willing to do things like that to their own young – for aesthetic reasons no less – was not a species one wanted to go to war against.

Humans are weird

Horoscopes

Commander’s entry

“The human contingent has successfully adapted to life on the ship, and many of my crew has expressed interest in learning about our new passengers. While others have noticed things about the human behavior such as domestication, animal life, and the unexpected harshness of these aliens, I have found myself intrigued by what I have come to learn as Zodiac signs, and the horoscope.

“It started when human Jessica received her weekly update through the scanners, and stated that according to her horoscope, she would have a good week. The other humans were interested, and so read what I was to learn was their horoscope. Human Brad, however, stated that he did not believe in the horoscope, and human Jessica stated that it was because he was an Aries, which caused human Brad to leave the room.

“I had already decided that human Brad was not a human whose company I enjoyed, and I am interested in learning about these horoscopes, so I can keep human Brad from interacting with me as much as possible.”

Commander’s entry

“After asking human Jessica to explain these horoscopes to me, she told me that the horoscopes were depicted according to the star positions, and the individual’s zodiac sign, which was determined by the date of birth. Considering that we, Zorlocks, have a different measure of time then the humans, I did not have a zodiac sign, however, human Jessica informed me that I must be a Taurus.”

Commander’s entry

“After landing on the planet Vorlash to pursue negotiations with the two-headed race known as the Akas, one head with eyes and ears, the other head with a mouth and noses, human Jessica erupted into what I believe was ‘a fit of giggles.’ When I asked her to explain, she said, ‘a planet full of Gemini’s.’ I expressed my confusion, and she explained that a person with the Gemini Zodiac sign were largely believed to be two-faced.’ I must admit to the humor now saw in her statement.”

Commander’s entry

“The negotiations with the Akas were going slow, and I was considering attempting to secure a negotiations with a more direct and forceful manner, human Jessica said that, according to my horoscope, which I now read regularly out of sheer curiosity, I must display patience to achieve happiness. I have decided to wait a few more days before demanding an answer from the Akas.”

Commander’s entry

“The Akas have agreed to open a trade agreement. I am now in belief that, although no scientific evidence supports the horoscope, it is possible that there is more to it than simple human superstition. “

Commander’s entry

“My first mate, Lokah, have began to suspect that my interest in the horoscope is no longer a passing interest with the intention of learning more about the human way of life. Lokah has asked that I desist in my weekly reading of my horoscope.

I can’t believe my first mate is an Aries.”

Humans are odd

To jump into the whole humans are space oddities, imagine an aliens reaction to contacts.

Human Kayla had recently joined the ships crew, who all felt rather prepared. They got her a hamster and everything. And so, they go on for a good two weeks until Human Kayla says her contacts were irritating her.

So, of course, everyone is super freaked out because, “Human Kayla! What are these contacts you speak of? Are they part of your body?” and etc.

But then they watch her reach to her face and shove her finger onto her eye. And peel a bit of it off.

And now, of course, the aliens are terrified, because humans can casually peel the top part of their eye off if it hurt them, and it was once again time to update the intergalactic human manual.

Humans Are Space Orcs: Braces

I have been reading a lot of these so here it is,

Just imagine an alien when they find out about braces.

“Do you mean to tell me that you strap metal to your young and slowly move their bones, without pain killers, over long periods of time? The bones that they use to eat? Then make them wear more metal in their mouths for the rest of their life, all for a standard of beauty?”

Nah dude, some do it for medical reasons. I knew someone who had three teeth stuck in the roof of their mouth so they put braces on them and fixed that right up”

“I don’t think I understand”

“They had to do it, because they had already pulled out their baby teeth so they would have had gaps or out of order teeth. Or get infected.

“But how did braces on the outside of their teeth affect the teeth that were *stuck*”

They first had to cut through the bone to get to them and then they stuck brackets on them. But after that, they just dragged the teeth into place.”

“Through the bone?”

“Yup”

"And it worked?”

"Yup”

*horrified aliens* “I thought you said you care about your young”

"We do”

*even more Horrified aliens*

*off to the side* “didn’t the human say they cared about us”