“OH MY GOD!!!” private Hesty screamed as he held onto the toilet for dear life “AHHHHHHH”
Finally his anus widened enough to let the shit out and he breathed better and his body relaxed but he continued to make odd noises. “OH GOD I THINK I JUST GAVE BIRTH!!”
He eventually made his way out of the restrooms to the horrified expressions of the non human crew, he smiled and awkwardly walked down the corridor muttering to himself about never having that curry again. His train of mind was interrupted by a mass of Humans running towards him.
“What’s going on?” he asked
“The new transport from home is here”
His eyes widened and he joined them heading to the hanger.
Polt was there in his pristine uniform to greet this Sergeant Stabby that all the Human spoke highly off, from what he could tell this Sergant likes to go around stabbing people to which they find funny for some reason. The Humans gathered and the non humans did to out of curiosity. There was never a dull moment when you had a Human around and they had thousands.
The ship docked and the crew came aboard, having more Humans aboard was something Polt was not sure he wanted but at least these ones were only going to be here for a few days.
Then the weird stuff started, one of the Humans began sniffing, a lot which was followed by others. He had heared that Humans have a powerful sense of smell and whatever has caught their nose must be good for them. One moved towards the transport crew still sniffing making them smile.
“Is that what I think it is?” he asked them and the crewman opened a small container that let off steam as it opened. Then as one all the Humans screamed as one voice.
“PIZZA!!!!” and stampeded towards the crates opening them and devouring these pizzas as if they held the secret to eternal life.
Polt turned to ask Captain Clerk about it but found he too had descended on the crates, so intent they were on getting this new food that a few broken noses had occurred but as they usually did, they laughed and carried on.
Trying establish order among them was futile but once these pizza’s were getting handed out they quietened down.
“Sorry about that, it’s been a long time since we had pizza” Clerk said his mouth still full.
“Attention, stand to for Sergeant Stabby!” someone shouted and all the Humans fell into rank and file and awaited. Polt fixed his uniform and eagerly waited for this Sergeant.
But it wasn’t a military mad that approached, it was one of their mechanics carrying a small box.
“Umm…Sergeant Stabby?” Polt asked.
The mechanic shook his head and placed the box on the ground and this odd disc shaped thing with a fork taped to it came out. All the Humans quickly saluted this thing.
“Um, Catpain Clerk”
“What is this?”
“This is Sergeant Stabby, a roomba with a fork tapped to it” he said as if it was the most normal thing in the universe and he said it with pride. The Benemar who were observing from above we equally confused as was probably everyone else.
“Sergeant Stabby, go about your duties” Captain Clerk ordered but the roomba made no noise or motion. After a few seconds Clerk leaned down nad flipped the ON switch and the roomba went off cleaning the floors.
“It’s a cleaning machine?!” Polt exclaimed.
“it’s a roomba” private Hesky corrected stepping out the way of it as it approached him.
“All this for that thing?!”
“Yeah, I was wondering why you are all dressed up” Clerk said walking off and soon enough the Humans all dispersed leaving everyone else confused.
Polt laid on his couch nursing a headache, these Humans were driving him insane and they had only been here for a few weeks. Some part of him thought it would be easier to just hand command over the Clerk and be done with it but alas he could not, then one more crisis occurred.
A knock at his door stirred him “If this is another complaint about the Humans you’ll have to deal with it yourself”
“No sir, we have receive a distress call”
“The Remer colony, they are under attack from the Gal”
“Divert course immediately”
Polt was on the bridge with the Benemar Chief and his clan leaders along with the Humans captain and officers. The Chief and Clerk glared at one another, they clearly did not like the other and Clerk stuck his tongue out as some kind of insult but the Chief did not understand it.
“Approaching Remer colony now” the helmsman said and the fleet broke into realspace to see the entire planet burning, its defences destroyed and it populace fighting for their lives.
Polt looked at the Gla fleet, it was huge more than twice the size of his and who knows how many of them were on the planet.
“Plan of attack sir?” Captain Clerk asked.
“Don’t think we can, the Gal are already planet side once that happens the chance of driving them off is almost zero” Polt says with a heavy heart.
“But there are still millions of people down there” Clerk argued.
“They’re not your kind why should you care” Chief said.
“So what? Admiral if the Benemar are unwilling to take the fight to them you have thousands of Human soldiers ready willing and able to do so”
“there are probably ten times your number down there”
“Then it makes it harder to miss”
Polt looked at them both, normally he would have ordered the retreat but the look it Clerks eyes made him think otherwise. Why were these Humans so concerned about the people? They were not Humans.
“Please my men are really bord”
“Yeah and I’m PMSing like a bitch in heat I need to vent”
Polt didn’t know what that meant but he understood their resolve.
“Do you really think you can retake the planet?”
“Just give the order” Clerk grinned.
“Very well, man your pods”
Clerk banged his chest with his hands and smiled along with his officers and left the bridge, the mustering hall where the Human soldiers were gather all eagerly awaited to hear what their orders were.
“Right lads!! We’re on so lets get this done and give those Gal a dam good kicking!! Who’s with me”
The Humans cheer shook the hull as they ran to their pods that would shoot them from the ships straight onto the planets surface, this means of deployment was considered insane but somehow the Humans keep doing it and surviving.
The Benemar not wanting to be shown up demanded to go to and boarded their shuttles.