human generator

Father Zaytsev is introduced by running panicked through the forest near us, gets shot at by Francis who hates humans because tragic backstory, prompting the priest to trip over Thorngage. Kopesk, thinking this is how non-lizardfolk (whom both she and Baeshra generalize as “humans”) say hello, proceeds to trip over Thorngage and the priest in greeting. It does not, predictably, go well.

greezor  asked:

what were trolls like before Christianity?

Trolls were generally on par with the Jotun; sapient and capable of nuance of personality, unlike later depictions where they were just savage monsters.

On the whole, they were antisocial.  They liked being far away from humans and were generally unhelpful if you came across one.  If left alone and respected, they were peaceful, but if one was threatened it would beat you to a bloody pulp with no reservation.

They also enjoyed poetry and had skill for magic and soothsaying, despite them being slow witted.

Trolls, as villains, were mostly kidnappers.  They’d take children and leave behind changelings to be raised in their stead.  Or they’d abduct beautiful women to take as wives.  And so a hero would have to go out and save the person the troll took.

They didn’t typically eat people.  And there didn’t seem to be any distinct malice about them, not any more than the Fair Folk found further south. 

I am a Huge Nerd for alien and human interactions that go across tumblr (space Australia and Stabby come to mind) but like for real what about the human concept of luck? Each culture has its own, too, and also superstition so like this human will go nowhere near black cats but others are just like ‘oh kitty kitty kitty’.

Try to explain to someone that doesn’t understand that breaking a mirror is more than just a glass hazard. No it’s not a mystical mirror or a religious thing. It’s just a mirror, you broke it, now you get 7 earth years of bad luck. Is to the day? Who knows. But 7 years dude.

Or like that one person who always has stuff break around them. ‘Why are they banned from the engine room?’ 'Just trust us Nyrak.’

Or what about people who things always go outrageously right for. That person where any number of the things that happen should not even be able to happen, and yet here we are.

That person that has the luck/innate skill to balance anything on their nose.

Lucky numbers. The importance of the zodiac too, while we’re at it. “The stars are not in alignment” 'have you been reading that human newspaper again Marshal?’ “No, Lydia, shut up” ,Are your species sensitive to the stars, humans?, “Nyark you know if I could explain it I would but I honestly cannot”

Good luck explaining Murphy’s Law to aliens who do not have the concept of luck or cosmic mythical interference.

For most species, bared teeth are a threat, even on earth. So it shouldn’t be very surprising that most alien species tend to respond poorly to a human smiling at them. Humans who spend a lot of time around aliens do their best to train themselves out of the habit, adopting (as much as they are physically capable) the expression of enjoyment used by whatever species they socialise with most. But it’s really hard not to smile when you see another human… Harder still not to smile back when one smiles at you. This leads to the common misapprehension that humans generally don’t get along with strangers.

When, by whatever series of events, a crew or team with a human member acquires an additional human or two, the atmosphere gets tense for a few cycles while the nonhumans wait for some kind of establishment of hierarchy to take place. Some humans humor the assumption and perform a mock battle in some public area - these are generally those who have encountered the scenario before and became tired of trying to explain.

Rap battles, trivia contests, simple sports matches and other activities that a human would recognise as popular recreational activities often feature in these dominance rituals. The participants find that the performance serves as a great ice breaker and so the practice is becoming increasingly common. It is likely, therefore, that the misinformation about human social strata will persist.

The human attribute generator placed 1 on all your stats, but 11 on your luck, the max should have been 10. God watches in anticipation as you unknowingly went to your first boss fight.

Humans are ridiculous

I just want to throw my hat into the ring about the Humans Are Space Orcs trope that has been going around and I’ve been enjoying immensely.

You know how a large percentage of us have a fear of spiders? Even cripplingly so, like “kill it now I’m crying and breathing into a bag” kind of fear. So what if the aliens are monitoring our transmissions before making first contact, and see, for example, a bunch of Tumblr users discussing how scary spiders are?
Put that with how badass humans generally are (seriously, we invented surgery before we invented anesthetic and consume literal poison because we like the taste), how freaked out would the aliens be to learn that there’s something we truly fear? I can see it going down like this:
Human Steve: Tell us about FTL travel and your culture, we have much to learn from each other
Alien: Yeah yeah in a minute tell me about the spider threat are we safe right now or

Even better would be if Human Steve is not one of those people who is afraid of spiders at all. Like, he has a pet tarantula and puts wild spiders outside safely when they come into his bathroom, if he bothers with them at all. And the aliens are VERY CONCERNED about the little guys and he’s like ???? They aren’t??? A threat????
But then they consult with Human Bill, and Human Bill is basically Professional Spider Hater and goes on for a weirdly long time about how spiders are the actual devil and how black widows are really dangerous and let’s not even MENTION Australia. He gets the heebee jeebies and starts twitching and itching as he begins to feel phantom bugs on his skin.
Both Human Steve and Human Bill insist that the other is the weird one.
The aliens are more concerned than ever.

Can I just talk about how much I love and appreciate Thomas Sanders?

His videos are interesting, whether they are Q+As or videos with his friends or videos with his characters/personas.
He puts a huge smile on my face and I’m really happy whenever I see he’s posted because I wanna know what creative thing he’s done this time. He’s entertaining, funny (does that mean the same thing?), interesting, just a generally amazing human being. (Also yo guys he’s really cute)

@thatsthat24

I would go on longer but I’m not sure I can put it into words how great he is. -Felix

When you speak of a Venus retrograde, most people immediately start worrying about their self-esteem, the stability of their relationships, the distance and maturity of their ex-partners, and their money. While all of these things are definitely related to Venus, and they will likely be affected by its retrograde, I think they’re very far from the point. Venus is the planet of pleasure, so nearly everything humanity generally enjoys is associated with it – sex, food, love, art, wealth, etc. When you have these things, they’re blessings. Sometimes we don’t deserve them but they’re often granted to us anyway. Venus retrograde is a period of learning to deserve, to earn, and to be grateful for those gifts. They may not come easily to us during the retrograde, and sometimes being dissatisfied is the way we are taught to appreciate & not to waste. When you complain about the negative happenings of a Venus retrograde, you’re falling into the oblivious selfishness of an immature Aphrodite. When you’re denied a gift you’ve gotten used to, remember how much you delight in it, but don’t mourn for its absence. Love it when it returns. Taking the favor of Venus for granted is what causes her to withdraw it from you.

On the MEA Discourse (Possible slight spoilers)

Cuz I feel like I should say something about the recent chatter surrounding Mass Effect Andromeda:

mlm are allowed to be worried that there are no announced mlm squad romances and strong hints there may not be.

wlw are allowed to be worried that there are no announced wlw squad romances and strong hints there may not be.

queer people are allowed to be a bit miffed that we’ve seen 2 m/f romances confirmed but no m/m or f/f romances.

mlm and wlw are allowed to be a bit miffed that the shipside romances they are rumored to get have character models that were obviously made using the standard human character generator rather than specially rendered like squad members.

black people are allowed to be worried that Liam will be mistreated and miswritten the same way Jacob was, especially since they appear to share a writer. 

women are allowed to be miffed that male ryder has dominated the trailers and press previews of the game.

people of color are allowed to be disappointed that we have seen no signs of any Ryders of color and no indication whether the custom character creation will allow them to make Ryders that look reasonably like them.

If you want to attack or police the reaction of any of the above, please consider why they might be concerned. Please consider that marginalized people treasure what little representation that get in mainstream games, and that if Bioware backslides on it, they are left with even less.

And seriously, please consider that most of y’all didn’t make a peep when the complaints were mostly gamer dudes complaining about graphics and mechanics, but you’re suddenly out here crusading for Bioware when marginalized people start worrying that the story won’t reflect them. Consider why one you let slide and the other you’re finger wagging like all get out.

Let marginalized people be worried about representation, because 9 times out of 10, it turns out they were right to be worried. 

“Sir, there’s been an incident.” Immediately, the captain suspects two things: 1: That they are about to have a Very Long Day, and 2: That humans were, in some way, involved. They sigh questioningly, and their second-in-command shifts, clearing their vocal organ. 
“The on-leave crew members decided to tour the space station, sir. One of the humans came into contact with a life form they were unfamiliar with, and, ah…thought one of the other humans had set a prank for them.” The captain’s cranial-extremeties straighten sternly, and their second-in-command winces slightly in sympathy. They ask in a very flat voice,
“What happened.”
“Human-Rob decided to stick his arm in it, Captain.”
“….What lifeform were they?“ 
"A celestial species, sir. They weren’t too happy about it.” The Captain restrains themself from cursing out of long experience with humans. They enjoy their job, they really do, but they are very much looking forward to retirement and stepping down to allow someone else to deal with the messes humans generate in any situation.
“Are they going to press charges?”
“I don’t think so, sir. They seemed to think half his arm being burned off was punishment enough, what with human’s lack of regenerative properties.” It’s the Captain’s turn to wince.
“How is HumanRob?”
“He wasn’t very happy about it initially, but once the anesthetic took effect, HumanHugh informed him that he could now be a ‘cyborg’, whatever that is, which seemed to cheer him considerably.”

Potentially my favourite part of a lot of the FuckYeahHumanity stories where alien crew take on humans is that the humans are generally MASSIVE PAINS IN EACH ONE OF YOUR ASSES to work with, because they need company, entertainment, weird food, air pressure, etc. neverminding that they also seem to incessantly get into the WEIRDEST kinds of trouble because they’re so adventurous and ADD; yet in spite of all of this humans are just so ridiculously useful to have around that you have to put up with all their weird problems because by god you won’t care about the last fifty times they dragged you out of the way to look at a cool rock when they finally do something useful and track down an alien giraffe for ten kilometers.

We’re always portrayed as these tools that are ALWAYS BREAKING and yet pretty much the best thing we have. 

The Types as Phrases That Have Randomly Popped into my Head
  • ENFP: * crying in bathtub* I’M IN A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF
  • ESTJ: * breaks down your sparkly pink door* IS THIS FINGERPRINT SUFFICIENT ENOUGH FOR YOU B*TCH
  • ESFJ: “Well maybe you wouldn’t be so depressed if you watched more Veggie Tales like I told you to, you rusty fork. Ever thought about that?”
  • INFJ: * licks book shelf* I will become you
  • ISTP: * In a violently British accent* I know how to use pastry MUM
  • ISFJ: * peers through trampoline net* Is that a duck?
  • ISTJ: * inhales in Russian*
  • INTP: “ You can’t eat soup with a fork” YOU F**KIN WATCH ME
  • ESFP: * coughs up wide and diverse range of band-aids* dude sweet
  • ISFP: I can't draw the other eye, but maybe * gasp* I can BECOME the other eye
  • ENFJ: * blows gently on a boot* You are valid. You are perfect. * tenderly pets laces* You are a SAINT.
  • ENTJ: "SHUT IT BRENDA DRAGON BALL Z IS A COMPLETELY VALID CAREER PATH"
  • INFP: * enthusiastically pours grape juice onto a stripey sweater* I’m total uke material
  • ESTJ: * threateningly, to a packet of hair clips*
  • INTJ: My dream is to marry Norton Antivirus
  • ESTP: don’t worry bby i’ll handle this ;) * Cuts to him getting tortured by Toad from Mario*
  • ENTP: * sigh* Babies' Flesh just don't burn like it used to...
6

“Psychophrenia” is my artistic dissection of the human mind generating  emotion, ambiance and mental frequencies through graphic and motion. My psychedelic interpretation of psychosis disrupts the natural pulsation of the mind with abnormal speed and interference caused by the beauty of the broken mind trying to piece together unnamed emotions in a flurry of thoughts.

On Summoning Demons

Strap in mammals, I need to correct some stupidities about summoning major demons. I’ll lay out a proper procedure in a few easy steps. This isn’t for minor infernals, but so-called “princes of Hell”, as it were. I’ll focus on the Goetic demons.

Step One: Acquire a copy of Ars Goetia (you can get a free PDF online)

Step Two: Record names, sigils, and descriptions of any you want to contact.

Step Three: Throw the rest of Ars Goetia in the garbage and tell it that it’s a very rude poorly behaved book.

Step Four: Inscribe a sigil on whatever you have available. If you happen to have an unused gold tablet laying around I’m sure they’d be flattered, so by all means pull out the dremel tool and get to work. If you’re like the rest of us, pen and paper is fine. If you want to get really fancy, use a consecrated pen or special ink.

Step Five: Cast a circle and so on in whatever fashion suits your tradition. It’s not to protect you from the demon, it’s to screen out discordant energy and interference.

Step Six: Respectfully request their presence and begin conversing. Treat them as one part deity and two parts royalty. Please and thank you. Yes sir/ma’am. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. 

The Goetic demons are GODS. Several of them can be traced to their origins. Asteroth is the Egyptian Astarte. The idea that you can force them to do your bidding, or that you can protect yourself from them, is a joke.

The Goetic concept that they are bound to specific sigils and commands is based on a pact made by King Solomon for a fixed period of time, which has expired. It’s useless now, even if it ever was genuine. They help those who they find worthy, and no one else.

If you are respectful, and they find you worthy, they may choose to help you. If you are unworthy, some of them might just decide to fuck with you. Which would fall under the category of not my problem, so follow my advice at your own risk. Each demon has their own standards and personality. It’s almost like they’re real people (heavy sarcasm). If you want to work with them, treat them as such. If you give a major demon an order, I have zero sympathy for what they may do to you.

I am not recommending that anyone summon demons. For humans it’s really generally not a good idea. you don’t have claws and scales. But if you’re going to do it anyway, try not to make an ass of yourself. Entrails are a bitch to clean out of carpet.

Carry on, and good luck, humans.


Sometimes Cas just talks.

Dean thinks it might be a side-affect of Falling–that after losing the hugeness of a Grace, there’s too much experience and knowledge to keep it all bottled up.

Well, that, and humans generally like to tell stories.

So Dean listens. And in the early hours of the morning, when he closes his eyes after a roll in the hay, Castiel paints the night sky of the Sahara desert across his eyelids, speaking lowly of the cold and heat and the people who live there. 

Cas talks about Spain, and Paris, and Pangaea. About Australia before it was Australia. About Chile. Lebanon. Malawi.

“What’s your favorite place?” Dean asks one night.

Cas says, “Iceland.”

It’s not what Dean is expecting.

Keep reading

this one goes out to all the blithering self-righteous crapspouts who think my opinions on hitting children, spying on children, or adults’ responsibility to respect children’s rights and human dignity generally will change when I “grow up” or become a parent myself.

I’m 30 years old. my understanding of the fact that children’s rights are not determined by parents has never been stronger than it is today. shut up.

I study and teach on children’s rights for a living. I have graduate degrees in childhood studies and psychology. in case this isn’t clear, that means I know more than you do. being an adult doesn’t make you an authority. putting years of hard bloody work put into becoming an expert does. shut up.

whether or not I have kids of my own doesn’t matter, because being a parent makes you an expert on children’s rights in pretty much the same way being a man makes you an expert on feminism (as in, it doesn’t, at all). but regardless, no, I’m not a parent. I have, on the other hand, been a teacher, a tutor, a nanny, a camp supervisor, a legal advocate, and in one instance, the temporary guardian/person solely responsible for a group of kids going through serious trauma as a result of parental abuse and an ongoing custody/CPS battle. through all of it I’ve managed not to be a shitty human being who treats people like they don’t deserve the same basic dignity and respect I demand from others. the fact that you can’t handle responsibility without turning tyrannical doesn’t mean others have the same failing. shut up.

even if younger people’s views were automatically different from yours, that wouldn’t make them less important. that would make your views less important. children are the highest authority on whether or not something you’re doing to them is disrespectful or wrong. claiming that being a child means your view of how adults treat you can automatically be discounted is gross and abusive in itself. it’s gaslighting in the extreme. shut up.

finally, there are plenty of people your age who are capable of understanding that what you’re doing is wrong, and you do not get to lump us in with you and claim us as allies. that’s the same as the goddamn “it’s just locker room talk all guys do it” defense. I’m an adult, and I’m not on your side. plenty of adults - plenty of parents - are not on your side.

shut. the hell. up.

{PART 5} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut 

Summary; You’re hesitant to reveal your painful past to Jungkook, but time gets cut dreadfully short when Jungkook excuses himself upon receiving an interesting phone call.

{Part 1} {Part 2} {Part 3} {Part 4} {Part 5} {Part 6}

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time)

Keep reading

So one day a dwarf is talking to a human and finally realizes that when humans say woman, they generally mean “person who is theoretically capable of childbirth” because for whatever reason, humans assign social expectations based genital differences. (What a fucked up culture, the dwarf thinks.) But hey, better communication! So the next time the dwarf introduces theirself, they say, oh, by the way, I am what you call a “woman.”

And the trade negotiations just stop. They just stop cold. The tall people insist on speaking to the man, they insist on talking to the lady dwarf about all sorts of irrelevant bullshit, like recepies and childrearing and perfume

so the dwarf goes back home, enraged

and is like “BTW guess what happened, we’re all just going to be men forever now as far as the tall ones are concerned”

and everyone is justly horrified at this barbarism but they all agree to do whatever  it takes to squeeze those tall bastards for all the resources they are worth

and the dwarves get surlier, and the trade agreements less generous

and the tall people are all “what a miserable and greedy race”

but really they’re just still nursing a grudge about how goddamn backwards and sexist the tall people are

because their best negotiator, one of their sacred cave people, got snubbed the instant she said she was capable of childbirth - and a mortal insult like that can never be forgiven

peachypjm  asked:

jimin ?? (anyways i totally feel u on the homework thing except im pretty sure everyone else has done theirs LMAO) whether you write an au or not for this i hope you have a fantastic night and thank you for your blog i love it a lot 💖

thank you so much <33

  • yoga instructor!jimin 
  • does a split and just,,,,,sits in it for like an hour while talking to the class and everyone is like what the heck hows he doing that
  • wears a cute headband to push up his bangs 
  • leggings jimin,,,,,,,,,,,jimin’s butt in leggings,,,,,,all i Have to say
  • sometimes he has assistant jungkook help but that just involves jungkook switching the music on and off for jimin 
  • once jungkook accidentally put on some linkin park and jimin almost fell out of tree pose and right onto his face
  • jimin is encouraging and sweet to everyone,,,it’s like taking a class with a literal Angel 
  • you get dragged along to a yoga class with your best friend who thinks it’s doing WONDERS for her stress
  • and you’re like,,,,,,,,not flexible and not into yoga but why not since she’s begged you for the past week
  • and when you walk in your friend waves to the instructor and you look at him and you’re like,,,,,floored
  • like excuse me what that person doesn’t look human, he looks ethereal??? is he like a computer generated perfect human or something is that how far science has come-
  • but jimin just smiles and introduces himself to you and you don’t notice him stutter but your friend does and she does an eyebrow wiggle at you and you’re like ???
  • but the class starts and as expected you cannot reach your toes as easily as you thought you could
  • and jimin comes over and gently guides your hand and is encouraging you in this soft voice
  • and you’re about to melt into your mat,,,,,what the hell he’s so handsome and nice 
  • and it’s kinda funny because he’s helping you and he’s so focused that he doesn’t notice the ten other people calling out his name to continue the exercise
  • and when class is over your friend is like “he’s cute right, go talk to him!” and you’re like alhsdgfbkg i eMBARRASSED myself in front of him,,,me and my creaky joints cant
  • but jimin sees you and gives a shy wave and jungkook, who happens to be assisting that day, gives jimin a push toward you 
  • and your friend nudges you
  • and somehow you end up walking toward each other and jimin is like clearing his throat like,,,,,,gooD wORK,,,today,,,,,you did so well for your first time
  • and you’re like really???? i think im so bad,,,,, but he’s  shaking his head like no no ,,,,,,,,,if you want you should come back i can even,,,,,,well i offer,,,,,,,,private lessons and stuff bUT YOU DONT HAVE TO
  • and you’re like i wish but those sound expensive
  • and jimin is like ,,,,oh no i can do it for free for you,,,,,and you’re like oh!!!! really??? why??
  • and he like under his breath is like,,,,because you’re very cute,,,,,and you’re like hmm
  • and he’s like OH I JUST SEE POTENTIAL IN YOU,,,,
  • jungkook and ur friend giggling in the back because you and jimin are blushing like two bright strawberries,,,,,,,how adorable 
  • Generator Rex: Guitar riffs, silly jokes, a talking monkey, an episode about ping pong
  • Also, Generator Rex: Contemplation on what is or isn't justified in war, reminders that the common soldier is a human being and is not expendable, examination of the inadequacy of the "man vs. machine" dichotomy as a way of viewing technological progress, questions about what makes us human