human!kyubey

Kyubey: We don’t understand trickery, it’s just you humans getting mad because things didn’t go your way.

Also Kyubey: *pretended to be in danger and cried to Madoka for help despite being a hive mind species who are virtually expendable on an individual level*

Also Kyubey: There was literally no way to fix Sayaka, I intentionally led Kyoko on so she’d die and couldn’t help you fight Walpurgisnact.

Kyubey: Our relationship with humans is mutually beneficial.

Also Kyubey: This witch is powerful enough to destroy the planet in 10 days. Not our problem lol.

Kyubey: We’re only sacrificing a small part of the population (i.e. a percentage of teenage girls who contract)

Also Kyubey: *sets up a system of witches who can actively harm civilians who did not partake in the contract, making virtually the entire human race casualties of the MG contract, particularly so with powerful witches such as Walpurgisnact and Gretchen*

Kyubey: We obtain full consent from you.

Witches: *again, kill civilian humans who did not consent to be a part of the MG contract*

boueibu abridged
  • yumoto: thug seme (pretty much nagisa 2.0, only even more of a sex offender)
  • en: pretty much male panty (from panty & stocking), probably a stoner
  • atsushi: fandom!john egbert, kind of
  • io: uncle scrooge, probably a pimp
  • ryuu: closeted virgin loser, io wants him to be one of his hos
  • kinshiro: regina george with a yandere flair
  • ibushi: gretchen weiners, also a stoner
  • akoya: karen smith, also pre-op megurine luka
  • kou: kyubey takes human form
  • masuya: who?
  • goura: actual nagisa, changed his name to run from the police; also an axe murderer
  • tawarayama-sensei: bernie lomax