human!jack

4

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Me: Waited in line for hours prepared to ask @therealjacksepticeye questions and prepared to do a cool pose

Also me: Gets starstruck and literally turns into a potato and forgets all human motor skills while jack remains cool and makes several funny jokes and cool poses

Don’t you think there was something fishy (bat tum tiss) about the new episode of Samurai Jack? (XCIX) SPOILERS!!

Jack eats this weird shrimp and turns into a fish. He’s still a fish when he and Ashi are boarding the camel. He says, “I don’t feel so good.”

There’s a purple flash before they board and Jack’s human again. The episode starts off normal but after this scene it all feels off and everything feels out of character. It doesn’t fit the writing or flow of the show or Genndy. And I think that’s the point. I feel like there has to be a purpose for the fish scene and the writers are up to something. Something about the transition. Something about Jack and Ashi’s behavior. There were a lot of aspects of this episode that didn’t fit the series. It was a weird episode but I think that was the intention.

Didn’t the pacing feel weird? The transitions? The fact they extended that kiss for a reeeaaallllyyyyy long time? Doesn’t it feel like they’re planning something? Why isn’t Ashi in the preview for the next episode?

“So,” said Miko, “I heard you used to study humans.”

“I used to study your *planet*.” said Starscream, still typing, “Many planets, in fact. And by extension, the lifeforms that they produced. Why do you bring this up?”

“Ratchet just told us.” Raf supplied.

“Oh?” Starscream continued to look at the screen.

“Aaaand, we figured…” said Miko, “since… well you’re gonna be here for a while, what with the alliance and everything…”

“–That you might be interested in asking us questions!” Jack piped up.

“And we thought we could ask *you* questions!” said Raf. Starscream actually stopped to look at them properly.

“Think of it as… a cultural exchange.” Miko said with a grin.

“What knowledge do the young of your species possess that I could not have already discovered?” Starscream said with a quirked brow, “I have observed your wars, politics, your biological make up, your scientific endeavors, your social engagements. What use would your information be to me?”

“It doesn’t have to have a use, it can just be a fun fact.” said Raf, “For example, some humans, like myself, like to build computers recreationally…”

“While *I* like to jam out to epically loud music!” Miko said, fiddling with an air guitar.

“Do you have any fun facts about Vos?” asked Jack. Starscream’s wings stiffened. “That’s where you’re from, right?”

Starscream thought about whether to entertain them or to ignore them, but in the end…

“… Vos was a city for flight frames, like myself. It was made up of tall spires that had landing and launch pads installed on them to aid in transportation.” Starscream said with a sigh, “Your fun fact is that the shortest spire was approximately 3 times the height of the One World Trade Center, in New York City.”

“That was the *shortest*?!?” said Miko. Starscream nodded.

“Cool!” said Jack.

“Anything you can think to ask us?” said Raf, looking hopeful. Starscream hesitated again, but decided to press on despite his embarrassment.

“Alright…” he said, turning around and kneeling lower to their level, “What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?”

(Note: All real nhl teams are populated by fake fictional people in this fic.

Also note: I’m sorry this is disjuncted, I just needed to bang this out.

Triple note: yes this is a pride and prejudice au. 

edit: Part 1

“Brah, brah!” Shitty burst into Jack’s apartment. Jack was sitting next to his counter with a protein shake and smiling down at his phone dopily. “You gotta listen to me.” 

“The emergency key is for emergencies, Shits.” Jack sent a smiling emoji to the other person and received a string of unintelligible emojis in return. It was adorable. 

“There are two emergencies today,” Shitty said. “No, strike that, make it three. So the first emergency is that I wanted to see you.” 

“You can’t keep using that excuse to burst into my apartment whenever you feel like it.”

“Shhh,” Shitty put his hand over Jack’s mouth. “Just let me love you.”

“The second emergency is that I finally ran Chad Wickham out of Providence and I wanted to celebrate that with you,” Shitty plopped a bag of booze and snacks onto the counter.

“Shits, I’m not eating that junk,” Jack said, still looking down at his phone. “Anyway, Eric left some pie and pastries we can eat if you have to celebrate this.”

“That’s the third emergency, brah.” Shitty said seriously. “That bro is bad news. You gotta ditch him.”

Jack’s phone buzzed twice. 

Eric: Omg Shitty is there? Tell him hello from me! 

Eric: I left some banana pie in the fridge for him tell him to help himself!!! UuU

The two of them looked down at the text. 

Keep reading

Questions NEVER Explained in Samurai Jack Season Five.

1. Why did it take only 1 day for all of the side characters to find Aku’s lair when Jack couldn’t find it in fifty years?

2. Why didn’t Jack go and find Aku’s lair and kill him in the first place and then find a time portal?

3.Who was the shadowed lady creature and why was she important in episode six?

4. Why do Jack’s parents look young when they looked old and worn down in the first episode?

5. Why did the Spartan King look young when he looked old and sickly in season 2 episode 12?

6. Why did Ashi take so long to fade out of existence?

7. Why was the Scotsman and his daughters glanced over when he was the most important ally and friend to Jack before Ashi?

8. What happened to the wolf?

9. Why didn’t the High Priestess tell her daughters or Aku who their true father was?

10. Why can’t Jack jump good anymore?

11. Who was the High Priestess

12. Why didn’t Jack try to get his sword in the past if it was easy to just get a giant bird to fly down, get help from one of his friends or even jump good?

13. If Ashi easily survived the fall over a hundred feet in the air from the tree trunk, why didn’t her other sister who was just tossed over the side by Jack?

14. Is Ashi gone forever or did she go somewhere else?

15. Can Jack age again or is he still ageless?

16. Where’s the cricket girl?

17. If it was that easy to just kill Aku rather than entrap him, why did Jack’s father trap Aku in a tree rather than just kill him?

18. Is Aku really dead or just in the pit of hate?

19. Why didn’t the High Priestess just tell Aku of her plan and include him in currupting the Daughters of Aku to kill Jack in the first place?

20. Why didn’t Aku keep spying on Jack?

21. How could Aku not know that Jack lost his sword if he kept close ties with his minions and could spy on Jack whenever he wanted?

22. Why was Jack wearing a loin cloth in episode six when he wore pants in episode five?

23. Why was the finale only 25 minutes long instead of an hour long or split into two parts like the pilot episode?

24. How does Jack remember Ashi and the future if it never happened because he killed Aku in the past?

25. Will Jack ever get Ashi back in some way?

26. How could Jack get back to the past with Ashi’s help if she never even existed after he killed Aku before she was even born? Wouldn’t that mean he didn’t really get back at all?

27. Why didn’t the Daughters of Aku have any powers if they’re really his daughters?

28. Are there two versions of Jack now since Aku was killed in the past and now there’s a new future without Aku? If that’s the case, what happens to the second version of Jack who was sent into the new future?

29. What happened to the Guardian? Why didn’t he get a flashback in the season? 

30. Did the future really change into a new reality or did it just become an alternate reality? Can Jack travel between the two realities? Are there two versions of Jack living in both realities or just one?

31. Can Aku come back like last time?

32. If the future characters would never exist when Jack got back to the past, why would he sometimes give up his chance to go back just to save people who won’t even be born at all?

33. If the people who were loyal to Jack and learned from Ashi that he might be in danger, why didn’t they go out looking for him too?

34. Did Ashi send the ladybug to Jack

35. Why were six of the seven daughters of Aku easily killed off by Jack in less than a day in their second fight when Ashi slaughtered an entire army with thousands of soldiers and her own mother in that same time pattern alone?

36. Why didn’t the Scotsman look for Jack to attack Aku’s lair in the first place instead of taking Aku on with an inadequate army?

37. Why did the wolf help Jack?

38. Is Jack still crazy?

39. Was the High Priestess really human?

40. Did Jack hallucinate the whole battle and going back home?

If you have any questions to add to this list, please be my guest. If you can answer any of these questions, good luck with that. If  you do answer these questions, then you must have worked on the show somehow and you have a lot of explaining to do for the bitch slap you left on my face with the last episode and for not answering these questions in the show in the first place.

The stories of these women are each extraordinary and unique, and for nearly 130 years the media has over-simplified their true histories. The Five have always been regarded as society’s waste – filthy, ruined, pitiful drink-sodden whores, yet not one of them began life this way and none of them came from the East End. They were from Sweden, Wales, the Midlands. Their fathers and husbands were printers, carpenters, gentleman’s valets, coachmen, and soldiers in the Queen’s Life Guard. Their daughters attended fee-paying schools, their fathers-in-law were property developers. They glimpsed Queen Victoria and rubbed shoulders with Charles Dickens. The Five seeks to restore these women their humanity and reclaim the Jack the Ripper narrative in favour of his victims.
—  Hallie Rubenhold on her new book ‘The Five’ a biography of the five victims of Jack the Ripper, due to be published in spring 2018