hull clean

anonymous asked:

Will Smith is Will Smith

OH MY GOD. THAT’S SO HELPFUL. MY LIFE HAS BEEN CHANGED FOREVER.

UNTIL TONIGHT, I WAS BLIND. I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WANTED IN LIFE. I LIVED BLISSFULLY UNAWARE OF THE COLD HARD TRUTH THAT THIS ANON JUST LAID DOWN–WALLOWING IN IGNORANCE LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL BECAUSE THIS PRECIOUS LITTLE GOLD-NUGGET OF KNOWLEDGE HAD NOT BEEN AFFORDED TO ME. MY LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT HARDSHIP, ANON. HERE I WAS, TRUDGING KNEE-DEEP IN THE FILTHY SEWERWATER WELL OF LIMITED KNOWLEDGE THAT I HAD BEEN ENTRUSTED WITH BY MY GUARDIANS–FLAILING HELPLESSLY IN THE VOID NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO TRULY SEE. MY SKIN IS CLEAN. THE HULL OF MY SHIP IS FULLY REPAIRED. THE RECTAL-TRACT THAT WAS THE VERY FIBER OF MY THOUGHT PROCESS HAS BEEN DRASTICALLY ALTERED TONIGHT. THE HOLY ENLIGHTENMENT THAT HAS BEEN SLAMMED GALE-FORCE INTO MY THINKPAN LIKE AN OILED-UP SLEDGEHAMMER JUST FUCKING SHATTERED ALL EXPECTATIONS I HELD FOR THIS COLD, MISERABLE WORLD.

I AM A COMPLETELY NEW TROLL.

NEVER AGAIN WILL I GROVEL AT THE BOSOM OF SOME OBTUSE, VAPID GOD AS SHE SPOONFEEDS ME FALSE INFORMATION LIKE A WRIGGLER. HOW COULD I EVER HAVE LIVED WITHOUT KNOWING THIS? BETTER MAKE SURE I DON’T SPIT-UP ALL THOSE HOT NEW CONCEPTS IN A TORRENT OF DISGUSTED PRE-PUPATION REJECTION. I NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN. I NEED TO GO FIND A SCRIBE RIGHT NOW AND SLAM DOWN EVERY BEETLE I’VE EVER SAVED TO ENSURE HE GETS EVERY FUCKING PREPOSSESSING KERNEL OF WISDOM THAT YOU HAVE SHARED WITH ME TONIGHT. DOESN’T MATTER IF I EVER EAT AGAIN, THIS NEEDS TO BE SHARED FOR POSTERITY, I NEED TO TELL THE WORLD.

I AM SO DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF FOR NEVER REALIZING THIS, I AM GAGGING AS WE SPEAK. BEFORE I KNEW THIS PERFECT LITTLE SMIDGEN OF BLESSED, BLESSED COGNIZANCE YOU’VE LEFT IN MY SHAKING, REVERENT HANDS TONIGHT. THE VERY THOUGHT OF THE PERSON I ONCE WAS, SO BLIND TO THE TRUTH, SO LONELY IN HIS IGNORANCE.

I AM A CHANGED MAN.

NEVER, IN ANY INCARNATION, WOULD I EVER BE ABLE TO FUCKING FIGURE OUT FOR MYSELF THAT WILL SMITH IS IN FACT, WILL SMITH.

GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A BRANDING IRON.