The realest part of all the MCU is Nick Fury showing up out of nowhere to interrupt the me time of every hero like ‘what up bitch, you thought you could enjoy some peace and quiet nope I’m like karma and you going down’

“Nice to finally meet you, Spider-man.

The reason Nick Fury sounds so pissed is because he is sick of hearing about him from other agents and heroes.

“Oh my God, did you hear? Spider-man just saved the kids on the bus!”

“Did you know he makes his own webshooters?”

“Hey Fury, did I tell you about my kid?” Only a million times

“Yup, he’s my baby spider.”

“I heard one time, he punched and kicked Thanos in the face!”

“I hear Stark’s paying for his education, it’s definitely his secret son.”

“He got so excited that I was Bruce Banner that he jumped and got caught on the ceiling.”

“He’s such a sweetheart, he helped this old lady cross the road and she gave him churros!”

“Seriously Fury, stay away from my kid.”

Man being a lesbian in the Marvel fandom is the funniest shit ever lmao. You have the thirsty ass fangirls squealing “oh my god Chris/Robert/Seb/Tom/ect are sooo hooooot” and I’m just “damn I wanna jump across a stream and land decking someone in the face wtf? Teach me how Cap. I wanna be a badass too.”

I know what you all say. That I’m stiff and I’m cold and all closed off. And you’re right. God don’t you think I want to be just like everyone else? The power doesn’t go away. Whenever my eyes are open, I can’t turn my eyebeams off. How relaxed would you be around people if you knew you could kill them all just by looking at them wrong? I can’t go swimming, I can’t play sports for fear my glasses’ll get knocked off or just slip from sweat. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a girl look me in the eyes with kidness. I can’t even cry because I’m not sure what my tears might do. None of this gives me anythin it just takes…..It just takes’

I saw a rumor going around that the Black Widow movie might be R-rated and I just want to put it on the record right now, that if they don’t let little girls go enjoy the second Marvel female superhero movie… or if they put a r*pe scene in it… MARVEL AND DISNEY ARE GONNA CATCH THESE HANDS

Valkyrie, after finding out what Earth call their women homosexuals: Thor, did I ever tell you that I’m lesbian?

Thor, an Earth lesbian icon who knows exactly what a lesbian is but has been shown that one specific vine by Peter: I thought you were Asgardian


Valkyrie: why are you laughing so hard at your own stupidity?