“Hey - hey there! Oh no, not at all! I haven’t been waiting for long, I just didn’t want to make you wait! Oh - this? My puppy got so excited somehow that he wouldn’t get off the bench! But never mind that…shall we…?”
Sakuma said it’s just a play date for his puppy and yours - but is that all there is to it? He’s got a box of cake and a bouquet of lilies!
Happy belated birthday @trepidationchance! I wish you a wonderful year of happiness and JG craziness! Wooohoo~
Metal Doge: 1) Hug booty. 2) Smack more aggressively.
Curse Pimple Tree: 1) Smack hand and knee pit pimples. 1b) Smack testicles. 2) Fall. 3) Smack back pimple of tree. 4) Smack other leg pimple. 5) Smack testicles (part 2).
Big Hat Logan’s Weird Cousin: 1) Rush and smack a lot. 2) Once half health, look for purple orb shadow clone (that’s the real one).
The Catholic Church: 1) Smack the flaming one. (Backstabbing gives u i-frames if ur getting burned too badly by the flying fireballs)
Abyss Gangbang: 1) Literally dodge everything until your friend comes to help u. 2) Spank the one that actually drains the boss’s health. 3) Once everything is flamey, bait and dodge speedy running slashy, and then back stab. (U can also stunlock these boys)
Spoopy Giant Man: Smack his Gucci bling. It will pop and he will be sad. For his dank breath, run to right below his skull. U won’t smell it.
Big Armored Titan: Storm ruler. Charge in between his big slammey attacks. If he’s tryna smack u while ur charging, roll through it. U don’t wanna be a pancake
That guy with flamey/purpley swords just chilling in the church for no reason: Option A: Pray. Option B: Parry it up and try not to cry. Option C: Summon everything and smack his buttcheeks.
Snakey Magician Man: If he makes sparkles, roll until they stop. If he shoots a bow into the air, get away from him. If he stabs the ground, he’s about to spurt dank gas around u and appear on the opposite side of room. His derpy melee will help u spank wherever his booty is
Beyblade Woman: 1) HOLY CRAP AVOID HER GRAB. she will explode u. 2) If she ever starts to spin, roll roll roll. 3) stabby stab when she’s creeping around like when u sneak in skyrim. 4) when she pulls out the second curvy sadness device, LOL get away. the beyblade’s about to rip. 5) Repeat.
literally the only dude who uses a shield: be HELLA patient. Stab ONLY when he’s done with his attacks. avoid seaweed fire monsters
twin cripples (u should feel bad about smacking this one, u ableist scum): big bro will INSTANTLY teleport to u when u enter the fog and try and smack u will his flame sword. roll roll roll. this one u just gotta practice his moves (I suggest with jolly cooperation). Phase 2: little bro will send death sparkles and then big bro will teleport and smack u for a twin wonder combo. don’t let them. if they teleport away and lift their sword up, ROLL ONCE IT DROPS or else they will hit u with a wall of brotherly love.
seath’s cousin (father of the year): roll through his stick swings and smack the booty. when he gets mad from the smacking (u didn’t give him a safe word) try and trap him in a corner so that he doesn’t try and super speed away. this boss is hard and will make u sad. don’t be sad. when he does spinnies, roll backwards or through them.
that guy partying in the giant jacuzzi near his dead friends: Helen Keller can predict his attacks and she’s only SL15. rolly polly through swings. Ring of fire? Roll through it too. Comets? Make a wish and roll literally once. the comets have the accuracy of storm troopers.
Tom Brady with a Halberd: basically tar monster man without the tar in first phase. Roll and stab in back. BUT WAIT! he will kick ur face if u stay behind hm too long. poke and get away. when he gets the sharingan, it’s the same fight but faster. try kontrol freeks. if u can parry, this fight will be a party.
the ancient dragon’s drunk aunt: gravity
super saiyan/thunder bird that ironically breathes fire:
Good god. Just lube yourself up and prepare for a smacking. If u wanna win: Summon (if ur a scrub) but if u wanna smack this thing here’s how I did it:
1) Dragonslayer Armor’s Shield 2) Avelyn (or any bow) + 10 3) Hawk Ring 4) Hella arrows 5) Anger
Get 38 strength (or respec) and once u hit the super saiyan phase, just 360 no scope that bro, who’d rather walk towards u and look epic than actually do something. BLOCK EVERYTHING (even the deadly lightning) since the shield has 95% absorption. It will be a tense and sensual beating session.
the ultimate pvper: did u play Dark Souls 1? If not, beat it, come back. you’ll know what to do
Yoglabs/SoI, thibk about it guys yhe answer is in plain sight its literal!!! yes the 2 are connected tge yog lab is a literal yog lab, a doge israphaels dog, a labrador named shadow. The shadowe of israelphil. The shadow of isrephel is a yog lab. Yog lab = shafow of israel. Tekkit. Moonqyuest. Doctor WHO????
And wat do dog coats have? ZIPS.
ISRAPHEL IS HUGGING HIS DOGE SHADOW LIKE A COAT. A COAT OF ARMS. ZIPS IS ISRAPHIL. TEEP IS A CLONE DINOSOUR. HES A PET. HALF DINO HALF DOGGY. TWEEP IS A CLOME OF SHADOW OF ISREALLYPHIL. ZIPS PET IS TEEP.
TIPS = OTP. THink about it u guts. Its alllllllll connected.
[TRANS] Cnetz reactions to Wu Yifan’s Pluto Weibo Update
Trans: epikey@tumblr | Requested post
Wu Yifan [+28097] Scorpios like my post! Wu Yifan [+27381] As a scorpio I must snatch a sofa (first comment) [doge]
Chen Lizhi [+6137] Scorpio? As an Aries I retreat ten thousands steps immediately! Been abused so much I’m scared [wail wail]
1. [+3695] Each time Wu Yifan posts on weibo it’s like three posts, he himself actually gifts two comments as well, an idol with such good conscience.
2. [+2618] Cute Pluto protecting the great Scorpio, and Meigenis protect Wu Yifan, we are all here <3
3. [+1951] I think you’re really adorable and it’s affecting me. Wu Yifan your personality is too adorable. Ever-changing but likeable. No wonder so many people like you [doge]
4. [+1635] Sagittarius people hug me tight!!! [doge]
5. [+1494] Do you yourself know that Scorpios succeed with their face [doge]
6. [+1528] Doesn’t anyone feel the same way? This weibo post is like a little little kid who ran out from a garden and then urgently shows off to people saying: Look look, I have an an adorable friend protecting me hey, and Fanfan isn’t scheming at all, Fanfan is soft and sweet and obedient! You guys can’t bully me okay, sniffle sniffle sniffle. And then this little adult tells us that, Fanfan is going to sleep now, you guys must sleep early too!!
7. [+1355] But I’m a Leo [angry] Forget it forget it I’ll protect you too
8. [+1155] Do you know that we like calling you baobao :)