This is what our dad got my brother for his birthday
Dad: HA HA HA HA HA.
Mom: That looks real. He’s handsome.
Our younger brother: STOP MAKING HIM LOOK AT ME. [Eventually, after he got tired me of moving it around the house, he turned it toward the wall.]
Me: You should watch the matches with him. Brother: I will definitely be doing that. I’ll be standing there next to him like this [watches sternly with arms crossed]. Me: Better yet, you should dress like Rui and lose your shit behind him. Brother: Or I should get a notebook to flip through.
Later, my brother sent me this photo from outside his apartment:
Cahill: ORANGE JUICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cech: Dude, you said the same thing about breakfast like fifteen seconds ago. Before that, about the elevator. Before that, about walking down the hall. Before that, about waking up–and we weren’t even in the same room, you CALLED me to tell me that.
That is the greatest photo, though, in all seriousness.
Brother: It really is. If you were the manager and you were verbally calling out the lineup and then you saw him smiling like that, you’d probably just stick him in there.
Me: Kind of, yeah. It’s like they asked whose face looks most like a watch and then picked Lamps. That said, I [genuinely] like how the photo hasn’t been retouched at all, because he looks sun damaged instead of unrealistically airbrushed.
So I went to meet the Chelsea team at their team hotel last week before they played Man City. One of the first men to come out was Steve Holland. Now we were in Manchester, so a lot of idiots were around who were there purely to get autographs on shirts to sell them- people who probably didn’t even support Chelsea. So anyway, Steve Holland comes out and this guy next to me pushes me aside, despite the fact that I was hyperventilating at the fact that Steve Fucking Holland was right in front me. Then this guy asks Steve for his autograph and their conversation went a little like this-
Idiot- Give us an Autograph mate?
Steve - Sure *takes pen*
Idiot - who are you anyway?
Steve - … I have your pen in my hand and now you’re asking me who I am?
Idiot - i know but who actually even are you?
Me- Are you fucking stupid? He’s Steve Holland. He’s one of the main coaches. Why are you even here?
Steve - *finishes signing idiots shirt and moves onto me*
At this point I could hardly speak, that’s how in awe I was , but I said - ’ Ignore him, he has no respect. You’re such an amazing guy. The true fans know who you are Steve!
Steve - *PATS MY HAND* and walks into coach.
Idiot - BUT WHO ARE YOU?
Steve - *smiles* no one important.
I later saw Steve and Jose share a laugh as Mou shook his head in disbelief while SH told him something - no doubt this exchange. At least I got to see Steve Holland smile…
Brother: HAHAHA. THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME. Me: DAMN I TOLD YOU HE FEELS FUCKING GOOD. Brother: THAT’S THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY PRE-SEASON. Me: They should put out a pre-season DVD that’s just that moment.
Brother: Apparently, that’s the first PK he’s taken since he was twelve. I’ve seen the replay 5-10 times now; it’s basically unstoppable. If he told the other keeper where he was going to put it and if the keeper had to start from his center point, there’s no way he could have reached it.
Courtois walks off and is all, Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.
Me: Just rewatched the Courtois PK and I love 1. that his strike is so strong, it practically gets lodged in the side netting 2. his pimp walk off after he hugs the other keeper. Brother: Yeah, that’s pretty much the only way to act after you save a PK and then convert one awesomely.