hspn

The most pleasant person on earth

Pre-match:

Brother: The Chinese captain looks like the most pleasant person on earth.

Me: I think that’s why they picked her. When you watch their arm-folding line-up, she is definitely the most fun of all of them.

Brother: Her mascot is more intimidating than her.

Me: She’s so nice, she even picked up the coin for the ref.

Chocolate medal

Tom Jenkins of the Guardian took this great photo, which was captioned, ‘Gary Cahill compares medals with his son Leo. No doubt the youngster preferred his medal as it was made of chocolate.’

Brother: It was on that day he decided to win the PL fifteen years later, only to be disappointed when his medal was made of metal.

The highlight of pre-season

Oh yeah, Thibaut Courtois’ match-winning penalty kick:

Brother: HAHAHA. THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
Me: DAMN I TOLD YOU HE FEELS FUCKING GOOD.
Brother: THAT’S THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY PRE-SEASON.
Me: They should put out a pre-season DVD that’s just that moment.

Later:

Brother: Apparently, that’s the first PK he’s taken since he was twelve. I’ve seen the replay 5-10 times now; it’s basically unstoppable. If he told the other keeper where he was going to put it and if the keeper had to start from his center point, there’s no way he could have reached it.

Even later:

Courtois walks off and is all, Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

Me: Just rewatched the Courtois PK and I love 1. that his strike is so strong, it practically gets lodged in the side netting 2. his pimp walk off after he hugs the other keeper.
Brother: Yeah, that’s pretty much the only way to act after you save a PK and then convert one awesomely.

The Don, Part 14

Diego Costa scores, 60th minute:

Brother: I actually celebrated that more than Conte. Come on, man.
Me: I did, too. I mean, I didn’t run around my house, hugging randoms, but I did almost drop my MacBook Pro on the floor.

Eden Hazard scores, 90th minute:

The Don: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

Rat tail

I heard about Rodrigo Palacio’s embarrassing hair. So I told my brother about it. You can guess how he felt about it.

Brother: Wow. That’s horrible. So I went to his Wikipedia page. Personally, if I was writing his wiki page, it would say: ‘Rodrigo “rat tail” Palacio (born: who cares, he has a rat tail) is a footballer who has a rat tail and plays for Genoa, while having a rat tail.’ Guess how long it takes the author of the page to mention his rat tail? IT TAKES THE WHOLE ARTICLE. THEY NEVER MENTION IT. How is that possible? I mean, they could have snuck it in because I skimmed it and got really bored, but I did not see the words 'hair,’ 'rat tail,’ or 'vomit-inducing.’

In fact, his wiki picture has another dude putting his arm around his neck, likely covering the rat tail. It’s like he’s trying to hide it on his own page, INSTEAD OF JUST CUTTING IT OFF.