hspn

nytimes.com
The Referee Would Like You to Watch the Game, Not Her
Bibiana Steinhaus, the first woman to referee a soccer match in a top European league, acknowledges her pioneering status but does not embrace it.
By Andrew Keh

An excellent New York Times feature on Bibiana Steinhaus, the first woman to officiate a men’s match in a top European league:

But before that first Bundesliga game in Berlin, she said, she felt a different sort of weight. She found herself wanting to perform well to pay back the trust of the people who had put her in that position. And she felt suddenly, strongly, that she had to do her job well for the sake of all the women around the world who might come after her.

Sky poses

Me: Okay, I had to send you the full Sky line-ups. Look at these poses.

Conte: Did I mention I’m wearing suits again?

Conte: No, seriously, did I mention it?

Okay. This one is actually pretty good. And normal.

César: Fuck yeah, César Azpilicueta is captain today.
Christensen: I’m afraid of my dad.
Rüdiger: Glad to be out of that stock room.

Brother: Did they Photoshop Rüdiger’s waist like he’s a woman in a fashion magazine? I’m a little worried about fielding him and Christensen, given their lack of size against guys like Lukaku.
Me: Good question. He’s almost Bud-like in his physique there. Or they did Photostop diet him.

The worst street gang ever.

The best one.

Morata: I missed a spot shaving–wait, did you just take the photo?

Brother: I don’t know if they think the pictures are better than just showing the pitch with the names, but it’s not, unless you are talking about unintentional comedy, then it is way better.

youtube

The Guardian’s delightful ‘How the 2016-17 Premier League title was won by Chelsea’ video.

It’s a good distillation of our road to the title, but it’s also worth it just for the gag at the end. (And the little animated Kanté is perfect.)

Farewell, Steve

I’ve only looked at the ‘HSPN’ tag in Tumblr twice ever, both times by accident; I guess it’s a combination of only having enough time to post and also it literally never occurring to me that anyone else used the tag. But the last time I glanced at it, I was surprised that not only had other blogs actually used it, but also that it was used exclusively to discuss Steve Holland. If the thing we’re best known for is our love of Steve Holland, that’s not bad.

The irony of this is, of course, that Steve himself would probably be mortified that anyone was paying attention to him, let alone documenting his every move and giving him a pictorial farewell tour. (To quote one of our best posts about him, ‘Even I don’t get this one, and I’m Steve Holland.’) At the recent trophy celebration, he seemed baffled that anyone would want him to make a speech. But he was–and is–just as much a part of our narrative as anyone there, perhaps even more so, given his longevity as a member of the backroom staff and across the club. His service deserves to be recognized and celebrated, even if it’s only by a blog about hair jokes.

So thanks for everything you did for Chelsea, Steve, the greatest man in recorded and unrecorded history.

Some Steve Holland highlights:

The three best things about this celebration

Pedro scores, 12th minute:

Three things I love here (aside from Pedro’s excellent strike):

  1. Morata runs in to lift tiny Pedro clean off the ground.
  2. Morata then pulls the steward into the celebration and Cesc thinks the guy is so awesome, he tries to grab his head.
  3. The steward’s face when he realizes they want to celebrate with him.
The real boss

Me: Ha ha ha, Mrs. Conte is the best.

Brother:

Week two: We are starting Pedro over Willian at the request of Mrs. Conte.
Week three: Mrs. Conte is replacing Emenalo.

Me: I was going to say Mrs. Conte should be the next manager of Chelsea, but I like the idea of her taking over the technical director role. Even Roman would probably be afraid of her. Week four: Mrs. Conte forces Roman to sell the club to her.

The Don, Part 48

César Azpilicueta scores, 86th minute:

Me: A CONTE CELEBRATION. Look at that black guy’s face.

Michy Batshuayi scores, 95th minute:

The Don: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47

instagram

An animated version of Álvaro Morata’s goal against Manchester United.

Brother: This one is much better.

Me: While the drawings do look more like Morata and Conte, what really made that video was the little video game sound when César passes to Morata and the swear word bubble drawn in when De Gea concedes. I laughed really hard at that.

Finally, we got a tunnel cam

Brother: Watch the Chelsea tunnel cam for the United game.

Me: Wait, we have a tunnel cam now? I told you they’d have to wait until JT and Diego left.

Brother: Technically, yes. It’s not great, but it’s a start.

Me: I’m guessing it’s a secret camera Roman set up to spy on everyone that CTV accidentally hacked into and broadcast to everyone.

Brother: It’s mostly focused on ex-Chelsea players. They also get the first handshake between José and Conte. Personally, I don’t get why they have to shake hands so much.

Me: Conte agrees with that. He was like the one shake is enough. I noticed Zola was there. I didn’t see anyone else. Unless you mean Hilario.

Brother: It’s actually two. One on the tunnel cam, one coming out of the tunnel. Also, like José said, he shook Conte’s brother’s hand, so that’s like 2.5. I mean, Matic, Mata, José, Matic, and José, since they are both ex-Chelsea x2.

Me: That’s weird. You don’t need to shake hands more than 2x. Conte’s brother was probably excited someone wanted to shake his hand. Plus Luiz. And assistant manager Cudicini.

Brother: It’s an improvement over nothing, but not great. I want to see people standing in the tunnel avoiding César.

Me: Maybe they had to set that camera up to make sure César wasn’t about to have an aneurysm.