There’s a rumor going around that Kim Kardashian sent the Duchess of Cambridge a baby gift, since the two are both due in July and that made Kim “incredibly excited.” (First of all, Kim, you shouldn’t be incredibly excited – this means that your child, if it’s lucky, will be the third-most talked about delivery in July, after Kate’s baby and Kate’s placenta.)

Kim seems to think this will give her and the Duchess something to bond over, kind of like how she went around her wedding chanting, “This is our version of the Royal Wedding!” (Please. It was in a tent.)

But anyway, I guess if you see Kate in a leopard print “maternity” jumpsuit stretched too tight over her backside, you’ll know where she got it.

In happier news, David Beckham has completed his contract with America, is done with his soccer career, and is possibly moving his family back overseas where they belong. So Harper and HRH The Baby of Cambridge can just be the best of friends and I can be beautiful and famous all on my own. I don’t need them.

They better do it fast before they have to buy two plane tickets for Harper’s thighs.

Here are thirty seconds of footage that has everyone losing their minds – Duchess Kate says she will take an offered teddy bear to her “d–” before stopping herself and backtracking. Many people think she was starting to say “daughter” before thinking better of it; others believe she may have been heading toward “dog” before realizing that could be considered rude. Personally, I think she was getting ready to say “domestic servant,” which is what I’d do with cheap gifts from royal subjects. In any case, it’s a lot of excitement over nothing. I’ll worry about a royal princess when I get the birth announcement in the mail.